Franklin & Bash (2011–2014): Season 2, Episode 1 - Strange Brew - full transcript

Mr. Bash...

This is a court.

Your honor, we are proving blatant product malfeasance.

If I end up on the Internet...

All right, go.
And hurry up.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Aquacage claims

that their interior
emergency lever

should release my associate.

As you can see, it did not work.

Moreover, it did not work

the night the amazing Keith
almost met his demise.



I think we've made our point.

Okay.

What -- what's going on?
What --

What's going on here?

No, no, no, it's okay.
He's a surfer.

All right, people.
Calm down.

Come on. Come on!
Come on!

Bailiff!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Your locks are defective, too?!
No!

Does anything that comes
out of your factory work?

It doesn't even come out of my
factory! It comes from China!!

China?

But you swore
you manufactured it all here.

Let's discuss that.



Oh.

Get back!

This Banco Popular deal
is critical

if we want a Rio office.

Ms. linden has recently
learned Portuguese.

Partners stay.

Everyone else,
give us the room.

Hanna, gentlemen,
our little experiment

with Franklin and Bash
is...concluded.

I almost got shot.

Yeah. That would have been cool.
Yeah.

Then they'd be cleaning
blood and water.

I should have worn a wet suit.

Then it would have looked like
we knew what we were doing.

Yeah. 'Cause that
was gonna happen.

Robbo!
Robbie!

What are you doing here?

The keg man triathlon.

Yeah. You're still
the commissioner?

Yeah.
It's an institution.

We miss you guys.

Oh, yeah,
putting on crazy costumes

and competing
while chugging beers.

We do that here now.

You never did it.

You know, it is impossible
to wear heels when you swim.

Then your costume
shouldn't have had heels.

But it did have heels, okay?!
You weren't even wearing a bra.

The keg man was Saturday.
I got arrested.

So, the cop was trying
to take away your beer,

but you didn't know she was
a cop 'cause she was so hot?

No, I thought she was just some
sexy chick in a sexy cop outfit.

So I hit on her.

Until she tasered you.

It's why we love him.
Totally.

Here's the thing --
this could cost me my job.

Yeah.
They like me at that school.

I'm the only guy there with
enough energy for the kids.

I get convicted of this,
I'm done.

First, we ignore the fact
that you teach our young.

Second, we argue mens rea,
all right?

Ignorance of the facts --
you did not have a guilty mind.

Yeah, so first things first, we'll
talk to the arresting officer,

see if she'll drop the case.

Free me.
Free you.

Free Robbie.
Free Robbie.

One of these.
There you go. Ba-boom!

So, gentlemen, I heard what
happened in court today.

Well, the bailiff is the one
who broke the glass.

We won the case,
and I think we saved lives.

You know,
you showed commitment,

courage, ingenuity.

That's the qualities that
we want here at Infeld-Daniels.

Right.

We work here now.
You know that, though, right?

Yes, but I've proposed

that you join Infeld-Daniels
as full equity partners.

Wait --
you mean, like,

"split the firm's revenues"
equity partners?

Yeah.

Of course, after all liabilities
have been paid, but, yes.

We could finally Reno
the man cave.

Could you imagine the super bowl
party with two TVs?

Two TVs?
We could have more.

Wait, wait, as partners,

we still get to choose
the cases we want?

Of course.

As partners, you'd have more
power to select your own cases.

More power. More money.
More everything.

Yeah! Let's do this.
That would be more.

Just hold your water, gentlemen.
I said I proposed you.

The other partners --
they have to vote you in

by a 2/3 majority.

Oh. Okay.
Okay.

Yeah.
No problem.

2/3.
2/3. Copy that.

People love us here.
Yeah.

2/3.

♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ such a vivid picture ♪

♪ ooh, what a mixture ♪

I've done a straw poll.

The vote is going
to be very close.

But I know how to tip it
in your favor.

Muffins.

Muffins.
Seriously?

No. Look,
partners bring in new clients.

And I'm not talking
wienie waggers

or drum circles' rights
to amplification.

Thank you, Joanne.

The drum circle paid.

Yeah, in pesos.

Now, look,
you want to impress people,

make a little rain.

Sign a big corporate client.

Someone who's litigation prone

and will be a long-term
income stream for the firm.

Here.

Who's this?

Lawrence J. Reynolds.

Chief counsel to
pacific shores beverage, inc.

They own or import
half the spirits and ales

on the west coast.

We're big fans of their work.
Oh, yeah.

He's in town this week.

I want you
to sign him as a client.

And that will help
get us the votes?

Yeah. Look,
the partners here --

they know you can cha-cha
with the best of them.

Prove to them
that you can waltz.

Yeah.
All right.

Yeah.
We got it.

"Waltz" means we get our
sophisticated corporate game on.

We can do that.

Not really our strong suit --
talking with the big boys.

Yeah. Well,
the pitch is at 6:00.

We finish with Robbie's cop,
we have all day to bone up.

Relax, we can dance
to anything.

Is that her?
Where? Oh.

Officer Wendy Cowell?

Oh, yeah, that's her.

Oh. Whoa, whoa.
Hello.

Not use her blinkers
when she...

Hi.
God. Hi.

Hi.
I'm -- I'm Peter Bash.

I'm...virtually a partner
at Infeld-Daniels.

I'm just...gonna let
my buddy handle this.

And I had
a 9-minute pace going

and I'm wondering
why I stopped.

Well, we're here on behalf of
our client, Robbie Ambriano.

You arrested him on the beach.

Oh, yeah. Spartacus.
That was his costume.

Yes, you know, it's funny
that you mention costumes,

'cause this is
a misunderstanding.

He didn't think you were
a real police officer.

He thought you were dressed up.

Is there something
wrong with him?

That's debatable,
but, no, no, it's just --

Honestly, you don't look
like a typical cop.

What should cops look like?

Okay, now -- now you're
putting words in my mouth.

You're a lawyer? Really?
Wouldn't know it right now.

I'm just gonna come out
and say it -- you're beautiful.

So my arrest was bogus?

Okay. Abort. Pull up.
This is a bad idea.

Look, Peter,
the virtually a partner,

that guy was drinking
on the beach, which is illegal.

I told him to stop,
and he didn't.

I even put him in a double
armbar, and he wriggled free.

So I tasered his ass.

He's not walking on this.

Shut up.
Didn't say anything.

We know going to trial
is your biggest expense.

So, initially, we seek
arbitration, mediation,

summary judgments.

It sounds like you're scared
to take cases to trial.

Ha ha.
Oh, no, sir, hardly.

Yeah, we love going to court.

We love court.

We've seen "...And Justice
For All" about 10 times each

just to give you an idea.
You're out of order!

The whole trial's out of order!
Trial's out of order!

No, no, not working.

Here's the thing.
We're advocates.

And we want this gig. So right now,
we're advocates for ourselves.

But if you hire us,
we're advocates for you.

Trust me --
you want that.

We're not like other lawyers.

We're creative.
We're relentless.

And we're willing to fire
every bullet in the chamber.

Can you give me an example
of one of your "bullets"?

Sure.

Let's just say
it's a good thing

I can hold my breath
for a very long time.

People vs. Aquacage.

You ever heard
of the amazing Keith?

Your clients paid for you
to learn pilates in court?

We had to prove that the stretch
did not cause the stroke.

Said the man who took a toke.

Wait. The pugs.
You know those guys?

- Yeah. - Want to go see them?
- Yeah.

Hell yeah. When?
Yeah.

Right now. They're shooting
a commercial up in Napa

for a wine we own.

Napa. We're flying?

We have to.
They're onstage right now.

We're not gonna get to the airport in time.
It's rush hour.

We're not going to the airport.
We're going up to the roof.

The roof. That's...
Helicopter.

Dude, be cool,
be cool, be cool.

You coming?

Sure. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.

Yay!

Why is there a phone number
on your back?

Because we were in Napa
at the best party ever,

and now I'm really, really,
really good friends

with a French olympic
ice dancer.

Napa is an agricultural zone.
You should be quarantined.

There's a peacock
in our house right now!

Shh. His name is Douglas.
Shh.

Nice kilt.

It's not a kilt.
It's a skirt.

Hey, when you two are done
being all corporate,

I'm gonna need to update you
on Robbie's case.

Fine.
Just not so loud.

Okay. Um...

I found three of the women
who dressed up as sexy cops.

Got them to give me their
costumes as evidence --

And they were coated

in what I pray was sweat
and sunscreen.

Pindar washed them.
I washed them.

They were cheap costumes.
I mean, they're totally ruined.

That's great. Now the D.A.'s gonna
claim spoliation of evidence.

We can't use them now, Pindy.

Pindy, come on.

Peter and I
are on the fast track now.

We make partners,
we can renovate this place.

Right, and since
you're afraid to leave,

you should want that.

You're a good lawyer --
smarter than these two.

Stanton.

Yello.
Stanton, good morning.

No. Not so far.

So, tell me,
how was your evening?

Great. We're sending wine
for Christmas.

Hmm. Good.

So I take it
that you weren't there

when the cops showed up
and arrested Larry?

What?
No. What happened?

Apparently,
he landed his helicopter

at the Beverly Hilton
early this morning.

Well, we weren't flying
the thing.

I mean...
I don't think.

Stanton, it was a big night.

I trusted you two

with potentially an enormous
piece of business.

Now he equates Infeld-Daniels
with sitting in a cell.

So, go get him out.

We're on it.

That's bad.

Are you wearing eyeliner?

No.
Are you wearing lipstick?

No.

Our new partners.

There's a reason why
the firm charter

requires a 5-year
probationary period

before offering partnership.

Ah, not anymore.

There's been an amendment
or something like that.

There's another reason
not to offer those two

partnership --
they're idiots.

Damien,
you know, you and they --

you have a highly
complex relationship.

But the ancient
bristlecone pine

really does needs
the arctic Finch.

Yeah, super. Look, there's
a potentially lucrative client

cooling his heels in lock-up.

Now, I'm betting
he wants to talk

to a full-sized,
grown-up lawyer.

Listen, I can't go,
I have a meeting with --

I meant me.

Oh.

Fine, Damien.

But I don't want you
to take the helm

unless you're
absolutely certain

that Franklin and Bash
are running into the rocks!

Lady. Gaga.

How about the minty ones?

Trans fat.
One box.

Your client's being arraigned
in five minutes.

And you're buying
girl scout cookies?

Hey, Mikey.

I hope
your daughter's troop wins.

Now get us in front
of judge Mosley.

All right.

Gentlemen, are we ready?

Your honor,
while Mr. Reynolds

may have been in charge
of the helicopter,

it was the pilot's
obligation not to land it.

Which may be mitigated
if the pilot felt --

that it was illegal.

After all, the Beverly Hilton
is a high-end establishment

that might have helipad rights,
akin to, say, Terranea resort.

Terranea?

You've been there?

It's so romantic.

Especially the pools.

The pools?

Under the moon. In April.
It's bangin'.

But you know what?

I'm never gonna go there
again, ever.

Mr. Reynolds
has no criminal history.

Given the misunderstanding, I'm
inclined to recommend a warning.

Next case.
Thank you, your honor.

Was that judge just leveraged?

Not something we normally do.

Yeah, I can understand why.
Risky move.

Well, the "A" team is here now.

If there's any blowback, we can
mitigate any adverse effects.

Do you have any Advil?

Uh...no.
Can you go get some?

Mitigate this thing.

Maybe pick up some
of that spicy pho soup, too.

I'd like to talk to these two.

We launched a new microbrew six
months ago, Kurt's Amber Ale.

Been there, drunk that.
Good stuff.

Yeah, it's doing well,

but there's an establishment
infringing,

selling it as their own.

I'm gonna be in town awhile.
I'd like to see you work.

Go up there and stop 'em.

Wait, so, we're hired?
Trial basis.

See if it works out.

If it does, yeah, you're hired.

All right.

Oh.
How do I get out of here?

Go down that way, take the
elevator to the parking garage.

No.
No, that's the judge's chambers.

The elevator.
Elevator.

Right by the hooker.
Yep.

Yes. Yes.

Dude. Wait, wait,
we have to go...

It's gonna be weird
if we go --

Okay, let's go this way.

Carmen, you're the best.

No. Bye.

You get the cellphone footage
of keg man?

Yep.
Dope.

Also filed a pitchess motion
on officer Wendy.

You're gonna open her file?
Uh-huh.

You know,
it's not like Facebook,

with vacation, bikini photos.

Stop. 9 out of 10 cops
have misconduct complaints.

She tried to put Robbie
in an armbar,

then tasered him.

She might have anger issues.

If she doesn't, she will now.

Hello.

Hi.
Hello.

Oh. Uh, we didn't --
we didn't order yet.

I took a chance.

If you don't want 'em,
don't worry about it.

Thanks.

That's really good.

Our yeast gives it
the great head.

Uh, we're looking for
Joan Harris, the owner.

You got her.
What can I do for you guys?

Is there a place we could talk?

I saw when they started
selling it in the supermarkets,

but it didn't really affect
my business, so I didn't worry.

Kurt's Amber is why people come
to my place.

You're saying now
I can't sell it?

I'm afraid not.

Pacific shores beverages owns
the recipe and the rights.

Not Kurt, my father,
the brewer?

In 1988,

your father
entered Kurt's Amber

into the golden state
brew-off.

These are the rules,
which he signed.

He won the contest.

And later in the day,
he signed this document,

relinquishing all trademark
and ownership to Kurt's Amber

in exchange for $30,000
in prize money.

This is insane.

I mean, I brew it
in my own horse barn.

Can I keep these?

My uncle is a lawyer.
Maybe he'll take a look.

Sure.
Hey, dude.

We have court.

Thanks.
Thank you.

Our client is huge.

He's got the power
to get an expedited hearing

for a summary judgment
on this tomorrow.

I wouldn't waste money
fighting it.

Okay.

Robbie Ambriano did not resist arrest

because he never thought
he was under arrest.

He thought officer Cowell was
a civilian in a police costume.

Was that foolish?

Yes.

But was it criminal?

No.
Just watch, okay?

And rather than taking the time

to convincingly
explain her position,

officer Cowell
just tasered my client.

Thank you.

This is the weirdest courtship
I've ever seen.

Shut up.

It's like
watching animal planet.

Are you gonna bite her?

Mr. Bash, are you prepared
to call your first witness?

Your honor, have you had time
to review our pitchess motion?

I don't want him in my file.

Neither does the state
of California, officer.

I'm sorry, Mr. Bash,

but without prior evidence
of misconduct

on the part of officer Cowell,
her police file stays closed.

Well, in that case, your honor,
I'd like to call officer Cowell

to the witness stand.

Unfortunately,
none of our video captured

the other revelers
dressed as police women,

but you can get a sense
of the chaos.

I mean,
it must have been crazy.

Especially for someone who
weighs, what, a buck 20? 15?

Excuse me?

Objection.
Argumentative.

Complimentary.

Mr. Bash,
is there a point?

Yes, your honor.

I suspect my client didn't
know he was being arrested

because officer Cowell
was scared and overreacted.

I reacted the same
as I always do.

"The same
as you always do."

When? When you've had to
restrain other suspects,

when you've had to taser them?

Objection. Relevance.

The court's already ruled
on officer Cowell's --

Officer Cowell compared

this arrest to prior occasions.

She opened the door to this line
of questioning, your honor.

Objection overruled.

Officer Cowell, was this
the most dangerous situation

you've ever been in?

No.

How was it compared

to the Pennywise concert --
February 6, 2010?

That happened in your division.

And numerous
other police officers

were accused
of police brutality.

You were at that show,
weren't you?

Yes.

Your honor, based
on the officer's testimony,

we'd ask that you reverse
a ruling of the pitchess motion

and provide us with
officer Cowell's conduct file.

Objection.

Bailiff, give both lawyers

a copy of officer Cowell's
disciplinary file.

Thank you.

- All right.
- Well done getting her file admitted.

I thought you were just
being annoying.

Watch and learn, son.

Got to be something in here
that we can use.

Yep.
Yep. I'm learning.

Mr. Bash...

Would you care to share
your findings with the court?

Um...

No.

That's fine, your honor.

The people will be happy to read
the contents of this file

to the jury,
chapter and verse, on redirect.

Uh, wait, wait, wait.
I'll read it. I'll read it.

In 2009,

you, uh, had a 3-week paid
leave of absence from the force.

Yes. To help at-risk children
in foster homes.

Yes.

Is Mr. Bash going
to ask the witness

about her actions
at the Pennywise show,

where she got
a meritorious citation

for rescuing a concert-goer --

Yes, I was just
about to get to that.

Well-played.

What happened?

She made you.

Am I her bitch?

Mm-hmm.

Excuse me.
I'm looking for officer Cowell.

Peter Bash.
I'm a lawyer.

Oh. A lawyer.

Norman, beer for my friend.
Throw it at his head.

Make that a white Russian.

What kind of idiot
actually thinks

Tommy Halpin is gonna
buy a drink?

Officer.

Lawyer.

Mind if I join you?
Not at all.

Well, this is a nice bar.

How did you know
I wanted to get into your file?

You seem really nosey.

Look, I know
we're having fun, but --

How do you know that?

Really?
Yeah.

You want me to go there?
Mm-hmm.

Okay.

The hair flip you just did --
you know that's sexy as hell.

It was in my eyes.

The way you're looking at me,
you're having fun.

Especially now that you think
you're winning the case.

Hold on.

I'm not winning?

I don't want my buddy
to get convicted.

Your buddy resisted arrest.

He would never resist arrest,
he's not a bad guy.

And this would cost him
his job.

You're too sexy to be a cop.

He just thought you were
a hot chick fooling around.

Stand up.

Well, why?

Stand up.

Okay.

Put your hands on my shoulders.

I don't know --
Put your hands on my shoulders.

...what happened here.
Wow.

Do you think
I'm fooling around?

Uh, I'm open to it.

How about now?
No, no.

I did this to your buddy.

He knew
I wasn't fooling around.

Ow!

You should leave...

Before Halpin
has another drink.

Tsk.

Do you really think
I'm a good lawyer?

That I could make partner
like Jared and Peter?

Well, yeah,
but I think that --

I want to be better.

You had your brain scanned?

F-MRIs, blood chemistry,
hormone balance suites.

I'm like Eve in "Species II"
but not as hot.

"Mr. Singh's
multiple phobias

manifested his freshman year
at USC."

My roommate, Phil Guenzer,
would kick me out of my room

every time he brought home

one of his many
co-ed conquests.

Wow.
So you were sexiled.

Repeatedly.

And I was fresh off the plane
from Jamshedpur.

I didn't know anybody.
I didn't know where to go.

Oh, Pindy.

So I just walked around
alone...

Until I found
the student health center.

You slept in the infirmary.

I would fake illnesses

so I could
sleep among the diseased.

And then after a little while,

I started getting sick myself.

Right. In your head.
No!

But that's what everyone else
thinks, yes.

I was a great student.

I came to this country
to study,

and now I have become
the specimen.

So that's
the uncle lawyer, huh?

That's why you shouldn't work
with family.

She shouldn't be fighting this.

I know.
Let's make it easy on them.

Franklin and Bash,
I read your moving papers.

You believe your case
merits a summary judgment?

Uh, yes, your honor.

As stipulated in the rules
for the golden state brew-off

and subsequent contracts,

exhibit "A" and "B"
respectively,

the plaintiff's father
released any and all rights

to Kurt's Amber Ale.

Counselor, would you like
to see exhibit "A"?

Yes, your honor.

Yes, your honor, I would.

I'd love to go to the window,
look at a little sunshine.

Yeah, that's the president.

It's Jimmy Stewart.

The peanut farmer.

The actor Jimmy Stewart.

These are the rules, and this
is the binding contract.

I hope he's not charging her
for this.

We would like the court
to make note of rule 18

in the golden state
brew-off rules,

which stipulate

"All contestants must sample
every other contestant's brew."

All right,
that means that my client

signed away any rights
pursuant to rules

that required he drink 44 beers
before doing so?

Given the laws regarding
"lack of capacity,"

we challenge
the legality of that.

Me too.

Further, we would like
to file a motion

for permanent injunction

demanding that
pacific shores beverage

immediately cease and desist

the production and
sales of Kurt's Amber Ale.

Your honor, he's talking
about shutting down a brewery.

And...
And -- "And"?

We are seeking
a construction trust

for any and all proceeds

generated
from the sale of this product.

That's...millions.
And...

"And"?
Dude, you're done.

And punitive damages
in the amount of $100 million.

I think summary judgment
is out.

Davey, Goliath,
we're going to trial.

That may be the first time
in your life

you have been called Goliath.

The punitive filing
is meritless.

They're looking
for a settlement.

And they might get it

because their other stuff
has real teeth.

Okay, but maybe we caught
a break here.

I mean, who knows more about
alcohol rulings than us?

Nobody.

Which is why I know
we're in trouble.

Okay,
speaking of alcohol rules,

can we please stop putting
the vodka in the crisper?

Where should it go?

Um, not in the crisper.

Come on, guys, we went over
this in the house rules.

Carmen, don't get lost in
the specifics of the rules.

It's the spirit behind them
that matters.

No.
It's the specifics.

Where are the rules for
the golden state brew-off?

We left them at the office.

Come on.
I got an idea.

Okay.
You see that, Pindar?

They're fighting back.

You got to fight back.

Look at this.

Yes. Phil Guenzer.
Your old roommate.

He lives in Altadena now.
Look, the man took your power.

You got to confront him.

You got to take
your power back.

Call him.

Ms. Harris, does this look
like Kurt's Amber Ale?

Absolutely. The color,
the clarity, the head.

Uh, what causes the head?

Our yeast. It's a special
top-fermenting strain.

Wait, wait. "Strain"?
Yes. Yeast is alive.

If you feed it sugar,
it can live forever.

When my dad was alive,
he would go to the garage

to take care of it,
called it his "baby."

Ms. Harris,
do you know why

they called it
"The Golden State Brew-Off"?

Because it happens
in California,

the golden state.

That's right.

Could you read rule number 22
for me, right there?

"All ingredients must be grown
from seed in California."

We had a farm.

We grew our own barley,
malt, hops.

How about the yeast?
The yeast?

The yeast was grown
in our garage, in Calabasas.

We grew it here.

No. The yeast was kept alive
in your garage.

You just said that.

Objection. Relevance?

The relevance, your honor,
is that the yeast grew

in her father's hometown
of Dusseldorf, Germany.

He brought it over
and kept it alive here.

It's in the story on your menu.

We'd like to enter this
as exhibit "E."

I'm sorry, but he cheated.

He didn't legally win
that brew-off.

Objection.

The validity of that win
is not at issue!

The validity of that win,
your honor,

is fundamental to this case.

Opposing counsel
has brought suit

under the assumption
that they have the legal right

to Kurt's Amber Ale.

They don't,

and under the rules
of collateral estoppel,

any judgment brought against us,
is moot.

Objection overruled.

The validity of the win
does have bearing in this case.

That's all.

Fine.
I'm done with this.

I just want to go back
to my restaurant.

Yeast. Who'd have thought
we'd be saved by yeast?

Nice work.

Thanks.

Ohh. Dodgers lost.

Listen, let me know

if you guys ever want to go
to any of the games.

We got distribution contracts
in about eight stadiums.

Oh, thanks.

So I guess this makes us done?

What are we doing about
the 30 grand prize money?

You want it back?
Gas money for the chopper?

No. I want it back
plus compounded interest.

22 years, right?

Right. Really? That's --
that's a lot of money.

Yeah.

Quarter mil, give or take.
That's gonna leave a mark.

It's gonna shut her down.
They're just a restaurant.

I'm aware of that.

That's why I'm not anticipating
a lot of billable hours on this.

It just seems excessive.
I mean, we won the case.

They have no claim
to the recipe.

Guys, we are deep pockets.
Deep.

Every time someone has
a glass of wine we sell

and burns a steak,
they think about suing us.

You'll see. We get a chance
to send out the message

that frivolous suits against us

come with a price, a big price,

We take it.
Yeah, but the difference is --

we take it.
I'm late for a meeting.

We take it.

We take it.

We got to go.

We're gonna have to
print that out again.

Or not.

Hey, is -- is it all right
if I wear shorts to court?

Wow.
Wow.

I had to ride my bike here.

And if I wear my pants,
it's bad.

Yeah.
No on the shorts.

And, dude, that smell
could be a problem.

You smell like Malibu Barbie.

It's sunscreen.

Yeah. I'm not prematurely
aging due to harmful U.V. rays.

Last week you were in the sun

pounding beers
in a gladiator outfit.

Yes, and I was covered
in number 30.

Really?
Go get dressed.

Gentlemen, hey,
I just wanted to say

that I'm off to cast my vote
on your potential partnership.

Huh.
Care to guess?

No.

Follow your heart. I think
it's just under your nutsack.

You think that's funny?

Your obvious reluctance
to serve this complaint?

Yes, Bambi, I think it's funny.

How do you know we're reluctant
to serve it?

Besides the fine layer
of frappuccino foam,

I know you two.

Dudes, we got to go.

Yeah.
Oh, please go.

A Franklin and Bash case awaits.

Do not allow me to get
in the ways of moronic justice.

Franklin and Bash.
We've got your back.

You know, it's copywritten.
You can't...

I mean,
we could actually sue him.

Officer Cowell,
is it your contention

that my client must have known

you were a serious police
officer, not a reveler,

when you put him
in that submission hold?

Yes. It's very powerful.
Indeed.

She put me in it the other day.
I couldn't move.

But yet,
somehow Robbie slipped out.

Your honor,
this is exhibit "D,"

Robbie's gladiator costume.

I'd like to put it on.

Do you think it has
magic powers, Mr. Bash?

No, but something
about that day,

the -- the costume,
the exposed skin,

allowed Robbie
to easily escape.

I'd like to re-enact
that moment.

Your honor, officer Cowell
makes no representation

that she can repeat
the move now.

I'll leave it up to you, officer.
Would you like to try it again?

Gladly.

No.
You sure?

Yeah.
All right.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.
One more thing.

Robbie was wearing polar bear
number 30 sunscreen.

Your honor,
counsel just said

his client was wearing
a gladiator costume.

And an examination
of the costume

makes it quite clear --

My client
was doused in sunscreen.

I can't believe
I'm saying this --

Sunscreen up, counselor.

You are my best friend.

I am not putting sunscreen
on you in court.

I'll do it.

Not a chance.

What?

That's where you get burned.

All right, I believe

I place both hands on her
shoulders, thusly, and -- ohh!

Yes, this is an armbar hold,

and she is well-positioned
to hyperextend my elbows.

Ow! Ohh!

I'd like to compliment
officer Cowell

on her physical prowess.

She is really fit.

However, when covered
in sunscreen,

the submission hold

is considerably less effective.

That's it! That's --
that's how it happened!

Ladies and gentlemen,

my client had no idea
what officer Cowell was doing.

Should we try it again?

Pindar.

What would you like to say
to Phil?

Phil.

Did you bring back my Jewel CD
that you stole in college?

What the hell did I do to him?

You banished him from his room.

You sexiled him freshman year.

What?!
Yeah, he said

you brought home
a different girl every night

and kicked him out
of your dorm room.

I had a girlfriend
freshman year.

And I never kicked him out
at night. He just left.

To sleep in the health center?

Yeah.

Actually, Megan and I
were kind of insulted.

Every time she came over
to hang with me, he'd leave.

And she was really nice to him.

She -- she cooked for him
and stuff.

Megan.

She was about the only girl

I've ever seen him
interact with.

But whenever I was around,
he'd split.

Thanks for saving me, you guys.

Hey, I know exactly
how I'm gonna pay.

Money.
It's customary.

Ha!
You're hilarious.

Uh --
I got you.

Officer.

Hey.

Hey.

So, now that this is all done,

we don't have to keep doing,
you know...

Doing what?

What we were doing --
the one-upmanship...

Winning.

I was doing my job.
You were doing yours.

Okay.

And if we had that much fun
while we were working,

imagine if we went out
to have a good time.

You don't have to imagine,
officer.

I'll call you.

Okay.

You closed?

Yeah. I can't believe
you doubted me.

Never doubted you,
not for a second.

You're on fire.

You're working late.

Admin stuff.

The warty handmaiden
of success.

But at least I have two new
partners to share the burden.

You're in, boys.

The swing vote came in tonight.

Really.
Okay.

Oh, lord.

Well, the negotiations for
new offices start immediately.

It's not that.
We need to talk.

That was a terrible mistake
she made, counter-suing.

I'm not surprised
Larry wants his pound of flesh.

It wasn't really her idea.
It was her lawyer's.

So, what are you proposing?

We don't want to do this.
We want to tell him that he's wrong.

But he's not.

We put a spin on it.

We say it's good P.R.
to give her a pass,

talk about corporate image.

Lawrence Reynolds knows exactly

the image he wants
for his corporation.

Gentlemen, surely I don't
have to give you this speech.

I mean, you are now partners
in a major law firm.

And we help countries
raise capital.

We defend laws that go back
to the Magna Carta.

And we are always advocates
for our clients.

But don't we get to guide
those clients?

Sometimes, yes.
And sometimes, no.

Maybe we shouldn't be partners.

We're not doing it.

Damien...

Unfortunately, you were right.

I need you to pull the trigger.

Hey, got a minute?

I want to talk to you
about Franklin and Bash.

Ugh, I can't believe

that I'm in the same
professional club as those two.

I was the swing vote
that made them partners.

You?

My uncle is infectious.

You ever read the firm's
partnership agreement,

all 206 pages?

Boilerplate.
Some.

But also provisions
that protect the firm

from partners who don't behave
in a professional manner.

We have a morality clause.

In our partnership agreement?

Yep, and partners
who are in breach of it

are removed from the firm.

We need to start keeping a log

of their questionable behavior.

Awesome.

It's gonna be a book.

Our only shot at saving Joan

was getting Larry
to call off the dogs.

Since we tried
and couldn't do that...

It was gonna happen.
So we delivered it ourselves.

Seemed right.

Fill these out.

No poppy-seed bagels for
the next few weeks. Drug test.

What is this?
Start papers.

Peter and I can now hire you

as full-time employees of Infeld-Daniels.
Mm-hmm.

Which means 401S, health benefits,

psychiatric wellness programs.

And since all of your phobias

can be traced
to a girl named Megan,

you might want
to look into that.

Oh. Megan.
She was lovely.

She had these tiny little
hands, like a raccoon.

Sounds hot.

Thank you.
You're welcome.

The first time I saw her,
I remember everything.

It was a Wednesday.

Okay.
You have us both.

Great work, guys.

Yeah, thanks.
Thank you.

All that's left is collection.

But we can talk about that
at my place in vail.

You guys mountain bike?

Yeah, I do, but...

You know what, Larry?
I don't think we can make it.

- We have a trial coming up,
and we have a lot of prep. - Yeah.

Oh. Drag.

Damien Karp,
you met him the other day.

Pho soup guy?

Yeah.
Yeah.

He's gonna take over for us.

He's much better
at this kind of stuff.

"This kind of stuff."

Is this kind of stuff
too hard for you kids?

Because it's what
I need in lawyers.

It's what makes
businesses work.

Absolutely it does.

It's just that were busy.

Go ahead and drop the lawsuit
against Joan.

Really?
I'm gonna be in vail.

I hope you guys can make it.

If you're as lame on the steeps
as you are in business,

we're gonna have a problem.

Well, we are much more lame
on -- on -- on the steeps.

Go ahead and call my secretary
for details.

Yeah, you got it.
Okay.

All right.
Oh-ho!

Ow! Unbelievable!
It is unbelievable.

You are unbelievable.

You were right.

We're corporate.
Yep.

Man, it's like the ending
of "The Candidate."

Yeah.

"What do we do now?"

I should rent
"The Candidate."

You want to do that
or do you want to go to vail?

Let's go to vail.

You can't even ride
a mountain bike.

Is a mountain bike bigger
than a regular bike?

And the fourth time
I talked to her,

she had her hair up,
which I had never seen before.

And it looked great.

She had so many great looks.

The fifth time,
Sam's car, short.

That was the first time
I saw her knee.