Framed! A Sicilian Murder Mystery (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode #1.1 - full transcript
APPLIANCE SERVICING AND REPAIRS
Get out.
Come on!
- What's happening? Where are we going?
- Over there.
Walk.
Come on. Come on. Keep walking.
Walk!
- Stop right there.
On your knees.
Why, God? Why me?
Why? Because it's your fault
we're in this huge mess.
You and your stupid television show!
It's your fault.
Zip it!
I'm begging you, please. Do what you want
with me, but please don't hurt my mom.
She's got nothing to do with this.
Leave Ester alone too.
She's got nothing to do with it either.
The life I dreamed of with Esther,
that I wanted with her,
that I could-- I could still have,
that I might still be able to maybe--
That's it! I've heard enough.
According to
several eyewitnesses…
FOURTEEN DAYS EARLIER
…Miss Concetta was mugged
after purchasing her weekly groceries .
The robbers stole much of her purchase,
including mini gherkins, pasta,
jarred peaches,
and a cinnamon-infused chocolate bar.
While the sun is sweet here in Sicily,
we are left with the bitter aftertaste
due to this awful criminal activity.
This is just one of the many crimes
in the area over the past few weeks.
Salvo, you fell asleep
in front of the TV again.
Yeah, I fell asleep
right when Inspector Jackson
was arresting the killer.
All these shows are rotting your brain.
You know, you've been sleeping
out here for months.
Wow, I'm really late!
Oh, hey, thank you.
Mm.
What? No sugar! Did I offend you?
Sugar is bad for you.
All the doctors say so now.
- Thank God I'm sweet enough as it is.
- Huh.
Well, good morning, Mama.
Good morning, darling.
- Coffee's ready.
- Mm.
- It's freshly made. Here.
- Thank you.
There's way too much sugar.
- Too much?
- Yeah.
It's like you forgot to add the coffee.
Sugar is good for you.
You need full energy
to face the day ahead.
No, Mom, with this,
I'm gonna need insulin.
Inspector Jackson, I'm excited.
After all this time on the case,
we're finally gonna see the killer's face.
Don't get excited so soon, Sam.
You're gonna be late for work.
Yeah.
Don't forget the killer
was able to escape,
even when we had him surrounded
in that damn room.
Get him, Jackson.
At that moment, the killer
sees four people from the window.
Pay attention, because when it comes
to crimes, the details are very important.
Right at that second, a yellow balloon
floats ominously from the child's hand.
Of course,
because the details are important.
You got it!
You haven't even noticed
that I got my hair done yesterday.
No, I do. You just colored it.
I got a haircut.
It's the same color as always.
- Well, it's not like…
- Come on.
You don't notice anything.
You don't see me.
Oh, come on.
I noticed that you got a new necklace.
- It was an anniversary present from you.
Last year.
Wrong again.
Yeah.
Mama, why did you have to put
ricotta in the cake again?
You have to make that cake with ricotta.
Otherwise, it turns out
lumpy and disgusting.
But you know
I've always been allergic to dairy.
If you never eat dairy,
then you will never get used
to eating dairy.
You're right, Mama.
I'm sorry. You know what?
You just keep adding
ricotta from now on, okay?
Oh, I can use it?
Yes, but also add some Benedryl with it.
That way, I can deal
with the anaphylactic shock more calmly.
Suddenly, the clouds part
and the sun emerges.
Inspector Jackson,
blinded by the glare, is lost.
Tell me about it later.
You're late, and I've got to go to yoga.
Are you not going to work?
You haven't even noticed
that I'm in yoga clothes?
Get outta here! I'll see you at lunch.
So, should I get some sushi,
a sandwich, or something simple?
No, no, no, no,
I'll prepare something healthier.
Hmm.
Not bad. Not bad.
- All right. Bye.
- Bye.
That's your goodbye? And where's my kiss?
- Hmm.
- Oh, come here, love.
- Tell me the truth.
I'm more interesting to you
than your killer, right?
I don't know,
because just as they were arresting him,
I fell asleep and I don't know
what he looks like. Crazy!
After eight seasons
and 132 episodes.
But don't worry. I'm gonna catch up
in streaming.
- Bye, honey.
- Bye, Salvo.
Oh, wait a minute.
Why are you calling me Salvo?
Bye, my tortellini.
Bye, my tortellini.
Bye.
Then the director
of The Touch of the Killer
cuts to none other than inspector Jackson.
Meanwhile,
the killer hides in a dark corner.
And you can't see his face at all.
The inspector is about to arrest him--
Oh my God, you're obsessed with this show.
Totally obsessed.
Once again, in Sicily,
the beauty of the morning
is bombarded with the bitterness of blood.
When the fire department
arrived on the scene,
the innocent kitten was still alive,
trapped inside the car's engine, where…
Hang on. Come on. Let me listen to this.
But once they pried open the hood,
the kitten had experienced a grisly death
at the hands of the fan belt.
Oh my God, between you and him,
I don't really know who's more gruesome.
Well, if you want,
we can talk about your sister's cooking.
You should thank
your lucky stars
my sister puts up with you.
My meals are vegan based,
kale, quinoa, cheese made from chickpeas.
I have no children.
I'm like a panda at risk of extinction.
At least she's feeding you
healthy food, huh.
Oh, you like that. How about you
come over for lunch today then, huh?
No, I can't. If I don't eat
with my mom, she gets offended.
Of course. Your mommy.
What's for lunch today?
Strained carrots? Or maybe some hot dogs?
Why do you always make fun of my mom?
I'm not.
She's the one who doesn't like me.
Just tell me
where our first client is today.
Dante Street. A guy named Alberto Gambino.
- Why are you always whining?
- Whatever.
You've got it all,
a wife who adores you,
tons of friends, and a good job.
I've always dreamed
of a life with adventure.
But instead, what have we got?
A dull routine of a life.
Do you know who's going
to be at our class reunion tonight?
I don't know if Agata's going.
Hold on. What do you mean?
Did I mention Agatha?
You've had a crush on her for years.
Who said I have a crush on her?
Oh, you can see it in your eyes.
What's wrong with my eyes?
- Okay, fine.
- Are you crazy?
Agata is a beautiful girl
like anyone else,
but saying I've got a crush on her
is going way too far.
BE RIGHT BACK
Let's wait
and then ask which apartment it is.
We know which apartment it is.
Come on. Let's just go.
- Come on.
- Salvo, you can't do that. Salvo!
- I'm taking the stairs.
- There's an elevator.
You know I'm not good in small spaces.
I can't breathe. I get anxious.
You know, you never cease to amaze me.
- Go.
- Always something with you.
Always something.
All right.
- Yes?
- Mr. Martorana?
Mrs. Ascalone.
- We have no water.
- I know. I know. I know.
It's being handled right now.
Yes, absolutely. We have them here
and they're working on it now.
Guys, let's hurry it up.
The residents are complaining.
- Yeah, uh…
- Uh…
I'm inside. Come on in.
Hey.
Where's Mr. Gambino?
He's not here.
The door was wide open though.
Okay, so you're trespassing.
Oh, please. We're not criminals.
He probably just left the door open
since he knew we were coming. Calm down.
How would you like it if someone
just walked into your house? Huh?
And who's gonna go to my house?
What are they gonna steal?
Tell me. Quinoa or something?
It's amazing that I go to my house.
Let's find the remote and see what's wrong
with this guy's television, shall we?
Now give me a hand with it, please.
Thank you.
The remote. Let's find the remote.
Always have to do what he says.
Let's find the remote.
So, as I was saying
about the show.
Inspector Jackson doesn't notice
that in the midst of looking for him,
the killer is meticulously
wiring and arming the bomb,
getting everything set up.
So he wasn't scared
the bomb would explode?
The bomb can't explode.
The bomb can explode.
The bomb can't explode.
It's called a bomb, because at some point,
the bomb would explode.
This is a bomb that doesn't explode.
- It can explode, Salvo.
- It can't.
- It can explode.
- It can't explode.
The main character of the show
can't die five minutes into the episode!
- Five minutes, Salvo?
- Yes, five minutes.
You've been trying to tell me
this story since this morning,
and that's just the first five minutes?
You keep interrupting me,
and all the details are very important.
Just get to the point!
Tell me who the killer is.
I told you, at 4:00 am,
I fell asleep accidentally
and I didn't watch the ending!
How about you find the killer
and the remote while you're at it?
I don't want to hear anything else
about this. I've had enough.
The killer could be anyone, even the cook.
Mr. Gambino really likes
old, antique stuff. Hello? Hello?
They're not old. They're vintage.
He's a collector.
Don't touch that. Put it down.
Everyone uses the word "vintage" now.
Even if it's something ugly, it's vintage.
The killer could be the football player.
Or maybe even the caretaker. Huh?
Ah, have you seen how fit Mr. Gambino is?
Come on. Just come on.
Don't touch that. Just stop.
- We're TV repairmen. Our hands are filthy.
- Okay, calm down. Okay.
- I'm just looking. But here.
I'll put it back, okay?
Always touching things. God.
Or it could possibly be the masseuse.
Shh, shh, shh. Listen.
You know, it's true what they say.
You really can hear
the ocean in these things.
Yeah, just turn down the volume,
'cause I can hear it from here.
So that's where it is. Found you.
Let's see what's going on.
More clouds are moving in
from the Ionian Sea…
- Strikes at the Strait of Messina…
- It's working fine.
So what's wrong with it?
What did he mess up now?
Wha-- What have you done?
I had nothing to do with this, Salvo.
The gun was on the floor there.
Let's call 911 in case he's still alive.
Alive? He's as dead as a doornail.
You can see that with your eyes closed.
But how could they just murder him
in cold blood like this?
This is no time to get emotional.
What are you, psycho? You're psycho.
You've got a dead body in front of you,
and you're telling me
not to get emotional?
Tell me you didn't touch anything.
- Wait. Why?
- The gun, did you touch it or what?
Yes, I touched it
'cause I really didn't think that I…
The police will love that. You touched it
'cause you didn't bother to think?
Yeah, but I'm not the one who shot him.
You see that, don't you?
I didn't see anything.
I wasn't at the scene of the crime.
Yeah, but you can still testify.
I can't testify!
You're my brother-in-law! I can't testify!
All the more reason
we should be calling the police right now.
So they can pin it on you
with a residue test.
- Hmm?
- Residue. Residue!
You've got gunpowder residue
on your hands.
- I'll go and wash them.
- Wash them? Just stop touching things.
Good God, okay?
Gunpowder residue stays
on your hands for 72 hours.
How the hell
do you know about all this stuff?
Because of The Touch of the Killer.
God, Salvo. Cut it out
with The Touch of the Killer shit.
- There's nothing I can do.
- Stop doing things then.
Trust me. You've already done enough!
I need time to think.
- So, we have a dead body.
- Eh.
And we have the gun.
And your prints are on the gun.
I told you before not to touch things.
Especially not guns
in other people's houses.
Inspector Jackson
would put you away for 20 years, minimum.
But we're in Italy,
so it'll be more like 10 years.
Salvo, this is not the plot of one
of your stupid little television shows.
- Yeah, well, I guess not.
- Do you get that? This is real life.
Yes, in real life, there are no motives.
What reason did you have to kill him?
Huh? You need to understand
I didn't kill this guy.
Don't you get it? I'm not the one
who needs to understand.
It's the judges who need to understand.
Do you know how many innocent idiots
are in jail right now
due to injustice
and inconsistent evidence?
- Does that happen? Really?
- Of course!
In The Touch of the Killer,
a poor guy spent 18 episodes in prison.
They let him finish the show
out of kindness.
I desperately don't want
to go to jail, Salvo.
If only you knew
how small the cells are in prison.
It's three square feet for 18 people.
Thick bars, a tiny little hole
as a skylight for you to look through.
- I'm gonna have a panic attack, Salvo.
- I know.
You know I can't handle
being in confined spaces.
Of course, because you've
run out of things to touch.
Now tell me this.
Did anyone see you when you came up?
- No.
- You're sure no one saw you, right?
- No.
- Well, then maybe we were never here.
In what sense, though?
I've seen the killer do the same thing
on The Touch of the Killer.
Oh, just shut up
with The Touch of the Killer.
If we were never here, would either of us
have known about this dead guy?
No, but unfortunately for us,
we actually are here.
Yes, but if we cover our tracks
and clean everything,
it'll be like we were never here.
Don't you get it?
And you won't go to jail either.
God, I really do not want to go to jail.
Look, we're not doing anything wrong.
We just need to clean things up.
We'll make it look like the last ten
minutes we were here never even happened.
And this will be just a bad dream.
Hey. What are you doing in here?
Come on. Let's get out of here. Let's go.
Who do you think killed him?
How would I know who killed him?
It could be anyone.
His wife.
His brother.
- His brother?
- His brother, yeah.
Sometimes people kill for the inheritance.
It's been proven now
that most murders
are committed by close relatives.
Mm.
- Okay, come on. Let's go.
- And the running water?
- The-- The water? The water?!
- I mean--
You really don't know
anything about thrillers!
You think the killer came in here,
shot him,
and then said,
"Better make sure I don't waste water"?
You think Greta Thunberg killed him?
- Come on. We're going.
- Hmm.
Doesn't matter. Come on. Let's go.
Okay.
Let's get out of here.
- Go. Come on. Let's go.
- I have to get out of this place.
Let's go.
Mr. Gambino?
It's Martorana, the doorman.
Are you there?
I'm here with two handymen from a company
who are fixing
the plumbing in the building.
They're here to do some repairs
on the floor outside your door.
Here in the hallway as well.
- Mr. Gambino?
Mr. Gambino?
Uh, he's not there.
Uh, thank you very much for coming
on such short notice,
because if we wait
for the residents' committee…
Uh, please be quick, though,
because in this building, they're
just waiting for any excuse to complain.
- Thank you.
- Don't worry. We won't take long.
Come on.
What are we gonna do?
What do you think?
We have to wait here now.
Pinuccio, I'm not saying you have to work,
but could you at least sing?
- I'm exhausted.
This morning I finished
watching The Touch of the Killer.
Are you still talking
about that TV show, Pinuccio?
- You know who was the killer?
- No.
The gardener.
No! No!
- Shh!
Shh!
- Did you hear that?
- What?
The TV.
- Huh?
- It turned on, then off again.
- Huh?
- Someone's home.
Well, then maybe it was the gardener.
- What is wrong with you?
- Eight seasons, 132 episodes.
Zip it! Zip it!
- You're crazy. You're crazy.
Be quiet!
But the gardener was just the hired gun,
and the mastermind behind it all was Sam.
- Inspector Jackson's best friend.
- No! No, not that too! Don't spoil!
No, don't you dare
make a sound. Don't you dare make a sound.
Don't you dare make a sound.
Did you hear that?
It's a cell phone.
No, don't answer it. You can't answer.
Someone's home.
Mr. Gambino?
Mr. Gambino?
Mr. Gambino?
Pinuccio, you're making
a big deal out of nothing.
This Mr. Gambino must've left
his cell phone at home. That's all.
Call your mother back
or else she'll get suspicious.
But don't tell her where you are, okay?
What should I tell her then?
Tell her anything else besides
that you're at an active crime scene.
Just get away from the door. Go!
- Darling!
- Hey, Mama.
I just wanted to check in.
How does a nice juicy rare steak
for lunch sound to you?
- Uh…
- Huh?
Uh, no, thanks, Mama.
I won't be home for lunch today.
Don't worry. I'll just grab
a salad from somewhere, okay?
A salad?
You've become worse than your sister.
Why aren't you coming home for lunch?
Does this have to do with Salvo?
No, it's just that we're
at a job far from town.
And you didn't tell me?
I didn't tell you
because it was a last-minute thing.
Oh.
And where are you?
Uh, Castelmonte.
Way out there?
Castelmonte, way out there.
You don't think they have appliances
that need fixing way out here?
What in the world is going on with you?
Okay, Mama. I have to go, Mama.
Okay. Bye. Bye.
Bye.
- Sorry.
- You finished?
Sorry…
Shut up. Shut up.
Go and sit down. Go and sit down.
- Sit down now.
- She just--
Sit!
- Did you silence your phone?
- Yes.
No sounds!
Stop moving!
That's the theme song
for The Touch of the Killer .
Oh!
Hey, Ester. How are you?
Sorry I didn't get to the phone in time,
but anyway, what's going on with you?
Mama told me
you're not coming home for lunch
because you're going
to Castelmonte. Is that really true?
Yes, my love. Castelmonte.
We're already on our way out there.
And you couldn't let me know?
I went to the market this morning
so I could make lunch for you.
I didn't ask you to do that.
And I already prepared everything for you.
What did you cook for me?
Kale soup with sunchoke root and rocket.
Hmm.
Don't worry, love.
I will eat it all tomorrow.
But it's best when it's hot.
I know, but I like it cold. Ice cold.
That way it numbs my mouth,
and I can't taste it anymore.
Who's that?
Who do you think it is? It's your brother.
Okay. Okay.
Bye, Salvo.
Hey, why did you call me Salvo?
Bye, tortellini.
Bye, tortellini. Bye.
What were you thinking telling your mother
we're going to Castelmonte?
You told me to say
that we were far away from here.
Yes, but why Castelmonte?
What? It's really far away.
Because it was
the first town I thought of.
Ah, at least you stuck to Sicily, huh?
Oh, it's your fault I'm in this situation.
I'm the one who wanted to call the police.
Do you not get that I'm saving your life?
- They'd send you straight to prison.
- Eh.
How is Mommy gonna bring lunch
to your little prison cell then, huh?
Don't you dare talk
about my mama like that.
- You've always had a problem with her.
- Oh, I'll call her Mommy all I want to.
- I'm the only one that can call her that!
Oh, crap.
Hi, you've reached Alberto.
I can't answer right now,
but please leave a message after the tone.
Hi, Alberto.
It's Ester.
I know I was the one who canceled,
but I've changed my mind.
I just found out my husband
is going to Castelmonte
and won't be back until tonight.
So, wait for me,
because I will be with you soon.
See you soon, my tortellone.
If he's the tortellone ,
then the other guy is just a cuck.
Ah! I'll kill him!
Snap out of it, Salvo.
Who are you going to kill? The man's dead.
- He's dead!
- She called him "tortellone ," Valentino.
She calls me "tortellini."
What's he got that I don't?
- Don't get me started, Salvo.
That's why she asked who I was with
and why I wasn't coming home for lunch!
She wasn't being jealous or upset.
She was planning!
Come on, man.
You can't cry, Salvo. Please.
You know that tears contain DNA.
Otherwise, why did we bother cleaning?
We got a different problem now.
You've got a motive.
The police will think
you're the one who killed Gambino!
Oh no!
Get out.
Come on!
- What's happening? Where are we going?
- Over there.
Walk.
Come on. Come on. Keep walking.
Walk!
- Stop right there.
On your knees.
Why, God? Why me?
Why? Because it's your fault
we're in this huge mess.
You and your stupid television show!
It's your fault.
Zip it!
I'm begging you, please. Do what you want
with me, but please don't hurt my mom.
She's got nothing to do with this.
Leave Ester alone too.
She's got nothing to do with it either.
The life I dreamed of with Esther,
that I wanted with her,
that I could-- I could still have,
that I might still be able to maybe--
That's it! I've heard enough.
According to
several eyewitnesses…
FOURTEEN DAYS EARLIER
…Miss Concetta was mugged
after purchasing her weekly groceries .
The robbers stole much of her purchase,
including mini gherkins, pasta,
jarred peaches,
and a cinnamon-infused chocolate bar.
While the sun is sweet here in Sicily,
we are left with the bitter aftertaste
due to this awful criminal activity.
This is just one of the many crimes
in the area over the past few weeks.
Salvo, you fell asleep
in front of the TV again.
Yeah, I fell asleep
right when Inspector Jackson
was arresting the killer.
All these shows are rotting your brain.
You know, you've been sleeping
out here for months.
Wow, I'm really late!
Oh, hey, thank you.
Mm.
What? No sugar! Did I offend you?
Sugar is bad for you.
All the doctors say so now.
- Thank God I'm sweet enough as it is.
- Huh.
Well, good morning, Mama.
Good morning, darling.
- Coffee's ready.
- Mm.
- It's freshly made. Here.
- Thank you.
There's way too much sugar.
- Too much?
- Yeah.
It's like you forgot to add the coffee.
Sugar is good for you.
You need full energy
to face the day ahead.
No, Mom, with this,
I'm gonna need insulin.
Inspector Jackson, I'm excited.
After all this time on the case,
we're finally gonna see the killer's face.
Don't get excited so soon, Sam.
You're gonna be late for work.
Yeah.
Don't forget the killer
was able to escape,
even when we had him surrounded
in that damn room.
Get him, Jackson.
At that moment, the killer
sees four people from the window.
Pay attention, because when it comes
to crimes, the details are very important.
Right at that second, a yellow balloon
floats ominously from the child's hand.
Of course,
because the details are important.
You got it!
You haven't even noticed
that I got my hair done yesterday.
No, I do. You just colored it.
I got a haircut.
It's the same color as always.
- Well, it's not like…
- Come on.
You don't notice anything.
You don't see me.
Oh, come on.
I noticed that you got a new necklace.
- It was an anniversary present from you.
Last year.
Wrong again.
Yeah.
Mama, why did you have to put
ricotta in the cake again?
You have to make that cake with ricotta.
Otherwise, it turns out
lumpy and disgusting.
But you know
I've always been allergic to dairy.
If you never eat dairy,
then you will never get used
to eating dairy.
You're right, Mama.
I'm sorry. You know what?
You just keep adding
ricotta from now on, okay?
Oh, I can use it?
Yes, but also add some Benedryl with it.
That way, I can deal
with the anaphylactic shock more calmly.
Suddenly, the clouds part
and the sun emerges.
Inspector Jackson,
blinded by the glare, is lost.
Tell me about it later.
You're late, and I've got to go to yoga.
Are you not going to work?
You haven't even noticed
that I'm in yoga clothes?
Get outta here! I'll see you at lunch.
So, should I get some sushi,
a sandwich, or something simple?
No, no, no, no,
I'll prepare something healthier.
Hmm.
Not bad. Not bad.
- All right. Bye.
- Bye.
That's your goodbye? And where's my kiss?
- Hmm.
- Oh, come here, love.
- Tell me the truth.
I'm more interesting to you
than your killer, right?
I don't know,
because just as they were arresting him,
I fell asleep and I don't know
what he looks like. Crazy!
After eight seasons
and 132 episodes.
But don't worry. I'm gonna catch up
in streaming.
- Bye, honey.
- Bye, Salvo.
Oh, wait a minute.
Why are you calling me Salvo?
Bye, my tortellini.
Bye, my tortellini.
Bye.
Then the director
of The Touch of the Killer
cuts to none other than inspector Jackson.
Meanwhile,
the killer hides in a dark corner.
And you can't see his face at all.
The inspector is about to arrest him--
Oh my God, you're obsessed with this show.
Totally obsessed.
Once again, in Sicily,
the beauty of the morning
is bombarded with the bitterness of blood.
When the fire department
arrived on the scene,
the innocent kitten was still alive,
trapped inside the car's engine, where…
Hang on. Come on. Let me listen to this.
But once they pried open the hood,
the kitten had experienced a grisly death
at the hands of the fan belt.
Oh my God, between you and him,
I don't really know who's more gruesome.
Well, if you want,
we can talk about your sister's cooking.
You should thank
your lucky stars
my sister puts up with you.
My meals are vegan based,
kale, quinoa, cheese made from chickpeas.
I have no children.
I'm like a panda at risk of extinction.
At least she's feeding you
healthy food, huh.
Oh, you like that. How about you
come over for lunch today then, huh?
No, I can't. If I don't eat
with my mom, she gets offended.
Of course. Your mommy.
What's for lunch today?
Strained carrots? Or maybe some hot dogs?
Why do you always make fun of my mom?
I'm not.
She's the one who doesn't like me.
Just tell me
where our first client is today.
Dante Street. A guy named Alberto Gambino.
- Why are you always whining?
- Whatever.
You've got it all,
a wife who adores you,
tons of friends, and a good job.
I've always dreamed
of a life with adventure.
But instead, what have we got?
A dull routine of a life.
Do you know who's going
to be at our class reunion tonight?
I don't know if Agata's going.
Hold on. What do you mean?
Did I mention Agatha?
You've had a crush on her for years.
Who said I have a crush on her?
Oh, you can see it in your eyes.
What's wrong with my eyes?
- Okay, fine.
- Are you crazy?
Agata is a beautiful girl
like anyone else,
but saying I've got a crush on her
is going way too far.
BE RIGHT BACK
Let's wait
and then ask which apartment it is.
We know which apartment it is.
Come on. Let's just go.
- Come on.
- Salvo, you can't do that. Salvo!
- I'm taking the stairs.
- There's an elevator.
You know I'm not good in small spaces.
I can't breathe. I get anxious.
You know, you never cease to amaze me.
- Go.
- Always something with you.
Always something.
All right.
- Yes?
- Mr. Martorana?
Mrs. Ascalone.
- We have no water.
- I know. I know. I know.
It's being handled right now.
Yes, absolutely. We have them here
and they're working on it now.
Guys, let's hurry it up.
The residents are complaining.
- Yeah, uh…
- Uh…
I'm inside. Come on in.
Hey.
Where's Mr. Gambino?
He's not here.
The door was wide open though.
Okay, so you're trespassing.
Oh, please. We're not criminals.
He probably just left the door open
since he knew we were coming. Calm down.
How would you like it if someone
just walked into your house? Huh?
And who's gonna go to my house?
What are they gonna steal?
Tell me. Quinoa or something?
It's amazing that I go to my house.
Let's find the remote and see what's wrong
with this guy's television, shall we?
Now give me a hand with it, please.
Thank you.
The remote. Let's find the remote.
Always have to do what he says.
Let's find the remote.
So, as I was saying
about the show.
Inspector Jackson doesn't notice
that in the midst of looking for him,
the killer is meticulously
wiring and arming the bomb,
getting everything set up.
So he wasn't scared
the bomb would explode?
The bomb can't explode.
The bomb can explode.
The bomb can't explode.
It's called a bomb, because at some point,
the bomb would explode.
This is a bomb that doesn't explode.
- It can explode, Salvo.
- It can't.
- It can explode.
- It can't explode.
The main character of the show
can't die five minutes into the episode!
- Five minutes, Salvo?
- Yes, five minutes.
You've been trying to tell me
this story since this morning,
and that's just the first five minutes?
You keep interrupting me,
and all the details are very important.
Just get to the point!
Tell me who the killer is.
I told you, at 4:00 am,
I fell asleep accidentally
and I didn't watch the ending!
How about you find the killer
and the remote while you're at it?
I don't want to hear anything else
about this. I've had enough.
The killer could be anyone, even the cook.
Mr. Gambino really likes
old, antique stuff. Hello? Hello?
They're not old. They're vintage.
He's a collector.
Don't touch that. Put it down.
Everyone uses the word "vintage" now.
Even if it's something ugly, it's vintage.
The killer could be the football player.
Or maybe even the caretaker. Huh?
Ah, have you seen how fit Mr. Gambino is?
Come on. Just come on.
Don't touch that. Just stop.
- We're TV repairmen. Our hands are filthy.
- Okay, calm down. Okay.
- I'm just looking. But here.
I'll put it back, okay?
Always touching things. God.
Or it could possibly be the masseuse.
Shh, shh, shh. Listen.
You know, it's true what they say.
You really can hear
the ocean in these things.
Yeah, just turn down the volume,
'cause I can hear it from here.
So that's where it is. Found you.
Let's see what's going on.
More clouds are moving in
from the Ionian Sea…
- Strikes at the Strait of Messina…
- It's working fine.
So what's wrong with it?
What did he mess up now?
Wha-- What have you done?
I had nothing to do with this, Salvo.
The gun was on the floor there.
Let's call 911 in case he's still alive.
Alive? He's as dead as a doornail.
You can see that with your eyes closed.
But how could they just murder him
in cold blood like this?
This is no time to get emotional.
What are you, psycho? You're psycho.
You've got a dead body in front of you,
and you're telling me
not to get emotional?
Tell me you didn't touch anything.
- Wait. Why?
- The gun, did you touch it or what?
Yes, I touched it
'cause I really didn't think that I…
The police will love that. You touched it
'cause you didn't bother to think?
Yeah, but I'm not the one who shot him.
You see that, don't you?
I didn't see anything.
I wasn't at the scene of the crime.
Yeah, but you can still testify.
I can't testify!
You're my brother-in-law! I can't testify!
All the more reason
we should be calling the police right now.
So they can pin it on you
with a residue test.
- Hmm?
- Residue. Residue!
You've got gunpowder residue
on your hands.
- I'll go and wash them.
- Wash them? Just stop touching things.
Good God, okay?
Gunpowder residue stays
on your hands for 72 hours.
How the hell
do you know about all this stuff?
Because of The Touch of the Killer.
God, Salvo. Cut it out
with The Touch of the Killer shit.
- There's nothing I can do.
- Stop doing things then.
Trust me. You've already done enough!
I need time to think.
- So, we have a dead body.
- Eh.
And we have the gun.
And your prints are on the gun.
I told you before not to touch things.
Especially not guns
in other people's houses.
Inspector Jackson
would put you away for 20 years, minimum.
But we're in Italy,
so it'll be more like 10 years.
Salvo, this is not the plot of one
of your stupid little television shows.
- Yeah, well, I guess not.
- Do you get that? This is real life.
Yes, in real life, there are no motives.
What reason did you have to kill him?
Huh? You need to understand
I didn't kill this guy.
Don't you get it? I'm not the one
who needs to understand.
It's the judges who need to understand.
Do you know how many innocent idiots
are in jail right now
due to injustice
and inconsistent evidence?
- Does that happen? Really?
- Of course!
In The Touch of the Killer,
a poor guy spent 18 episodes in prison.
They let him finish the show
out of kindness.
I desperately don't want
to go to jail, Salvo.
If only you knew
how small the cells are in prison.
It's three square feet for 18 people.
Thick bars, a tiny little hole
as a skylight for you to look through.
- I'm gonna have a panic attack, Salvo.
- I know.
You know I can't handle
being in confined spaces.
Of course, because you've
run out of things to touch.
Now tell me this.
Did anyone see you when you came up?
- No.
- You're sure no one saw you, right?
- No.
- Well, then maybe we were never here.
In what sense, though?
I've seen the killer do the same thing
on The Touch of the Killer.
Oh, just shut up
with The Touch of the Killer.
If we were never here, would either of us
have known about this dead guy?
No, but unfortunately for us,
we actually are here.
Yes, but if we cover our tracks
and clean everything,
it'll be like we were never here.
Don't you get it?
And you won't go to jail either.
God, I really do not want to go to jail.
Look, we're not doing anything wrong.
We just need to clean things up.
We'll make it look like the last ten
minutes we were here never even happened.
And this will be just a bad dream.
Hey. What are you doing in here?
Come on. Let's get out of here. Let's go.
Who do you think killed him?
How would I know who killed him?
It could be anyone.
His wife.
His brother.
- His brother?
- His brother, yeah.
Sometimes people kill for the inheritance.
It's been proven now
that most murders
are committed by close relatives.
Mm.
- Okay, come on. Let's go.
- And the running water?
- The-- The water? The water?!
- I mean--
You really don't know
anything about thrillers!
You think the killer came in here,
shot him,
and then said,
"Better make sure I don't waste water"?
You think Greta Thunberg killed him?
- Come on. We're going.
- Hmm.
Doesn't matter. Come on. Let's go.
Okay.
Let's get out of here.
- Go. Come on. Let's go.
- I have to get out of this place.
Let's go.
Mr. Gambino?
It's Martorana, the doorman.
Are you there?
I'm here with two handymen from a company
who are fixing
the plumbing in the building.
They're here to do some repairs
on the floor outside your door.
Here in the hallway as well.
- Mr. Gambino?
Mr. Gambino?
Uh, he's not there.
Uh, thank you very much for coming
on such short notice,
because if we wait
for the residents' committee…
Uh, please be quick, though,
because in this building, they're
just waiting for any excuse to complain.
- Thank you.
- Don't worry. We won't take long.
Come on.
What are we gonna do?
What do you think?
We have to wait here now.
Pinuccio, I'm not saying you have to work,
but could you at least sing?
- I'm exhausted.
This morning I finished
watching The Touch of the Killer.
Are you still talking
about that TV show, Pinuccio?
- You know who was the killer?
- No.
The gardener.
No! No!
- Shh!
Shh!
- Did you hear that?
- What?
The TV.
- Huh?
- It turned on, then off again.
- Huh?
- Someone's home.
Well, then maybe it was the gardener.
- What is wrong with you?
- Eight seasons, 132 episodes.
Zip it! Zip it!
- You're crazy. You're crazy.
Be quiet!
But the gardener was just the hired gun,
and the mastermind behind it all was Sam.
- Inspector Jackson's best friend.
- No! No, not that too! Don't spoil!
No, don't you dare
make a sound. Don't you dare make a sound.
Don't you dare make a sound.
Did you hear that?
It's a cell phone.
No, don't answer it. You can't answer.
Someone's home.
Mr. Gambino?
Mr. Gambino?
Mr. Gambino?
Pinuccio, you're making
a big deal out of nothing.
This Mr. Gambino must've left
his cell phone at home. That's all.
Call your mother back
or else she'll get suspicious.
But don't tell her where you are, okay?
What should I tell her then?
Tell her anything else besides
that you're at an active crime scene.
Just get away from the door. Go!
- Darling!
- Hey, Mama.
I just wanted to check in.
How does a nice juicy rare steak
for lunch sound to you?
- Uh…
- Huh?
Uh, no, thanks, Mama.
I won't be home for lunch today.
Don't worry. I'll just grab
a salad from somewhere, okay?
A salad?
You've become worse than your sister.
Why aren't you coming home for lunch?
Does this have to do with Salvo?
No, it's just that we're
at a job far from town.
And you didn't tell me?
I didn't tell you
because it was a last-minute thing.
Oh.
And where are you?
Uh, Castelmonte.
Way out there?
Castelmonte, way out there.
You don't think they have appliances
that need fixing way out here?
What in the world is going on with you?
Okay, Mama. I have to go, Mama.
Okay. Bye. Bye.
Bye.
- Sorry.
- You finished?
Sorry…
Shut up. Shut up.
Go and sit down. Go and sit down.
- Sit down now.
- She just--
Sit!
- Did you silence your phone?
- Yes.
No sounds!
Stop moving!
That's the theme song
for The Touch of the Killer .
Oh!
Hey, Ester. How are you?
Sorry I didn't get to the phone in time,
but anyway, what's going on with you?
Mama told me
you're not coming home for lunch
because you're going
to Castelmonte. Is that really true?
Yes, my love. Castelmonte.
We're already on our way out there.
And you couldn't let me know?
I went to the market this morning
so I could make lunch for you.
I didn't ask you to do that.
And I already prepared everything for you.
What did you cook for me?
Kale soup with sunchoke root and rocket.
Hmm.
Don't worry, love.
I will eat it all tomorrow.
But it's best when it's hot.
I know, but I like it cold. Ice cold.
That way it numbs my mouth,
and I can't taste it anymore.
Who's that?
Who do you think it is? It's your brother.
Okay. Okay.
Bye, Salvo.
Hey, why did you call me Salvo?
Bye, tortellini.
Bye, tortellini. Bye.
What were you thinking telling your mother
we're going to Castelmonte?
You told me to say
that we were far away from here.
Yes, but why Castelmonte?
What? It's really far away.
Because it was
the first town I thought of.
Ah, at least you stuck to Sicily, huh?
Oh, it's your fault I'm in this situation.
I'm the one who wanted to call the police.
Do you not get that I'm saving your life?
- They'd send you straight to prison.
- Eh.
How is Mommy gonna bring lunch
to your little prison cell then, huh?
Don't you dare talk
about my mama like that.
- You've always had a problem with her.
- Oh, I'll call her Mommy all I want to.
- I'm the only one that can call her that!
Oh, crap.
Hi, you've reached Alberto.
I can't answer right now,
but please leave a message after the tone.
Hi, Alberto.
It's Ester.
I know I was the one who canceled,
but I've changed my mind.
I just found out my husband
is going to Castelmonte
and won't be back until tonight.
So, wait for me,
because I will be with you soon.
See you soon, my tortellone.
If he's the tortellone ,
then the other guy is just a cuck.
Ah! I'll kill him!
Snap out of it, Salvo.
Who are you going to kill? The man's dead.
- He's dead!
- She called him "tortellone ," Valentino.
She calls me "tortellini."
What's he got that I don't?
- Don't get me started, Salvo.
That's why she asked who I was with
and why I wasn't coming home for lunch!
She wasn't being jealous or upset.
She was planning!
Come on, man.
You can't cry, Salvo. Please.
You know that tears contain DNA.
Otherwise, why did we bother cleaning?
We got a different problem now.
You've got a motive.
The police will think
you're the one who killed Gambino!
Oh no!