Foursome (2016–…): Season 3, Episode 1 - Foursome Before Whoresome - full transcript
♪ Digital chime
- [Andie] Last
season on Foursome,
we laughed, we cried,
we scored but most of
all we lost friendships.
- I'm going back to home school.
(thud)
- Alec.
- [Andie] Clubs.
- You three, suspended from
football and you three from
Media Club.
Courtney Todd, you
are banned from
all Brayer High School
events and property.
- [Andie] And the one thing
that can never be replaced.
Wanna get outta here?
My virginity!
(screaming, shouting)
Remember Brayer, the
school where cool was
defined by lettermans
and being the bomb
was based on how hard
you shook your poms?
Well ever since we
lost our best players,
the football team
has been on a serious
bleak streak
of hardcore losing.
And now the chess is the best.
- Attention students of Brayer,
I'm ecstatic to remind
you that a certain
junkyard dumpster fire, Media
Club, is still suspended.
The only place to get the news
is the paper, the newspaper.
- Why do you get to hold
the microphone, Divit?
Stan didn't name you the
successor of the Bulletin.
- It's just a
matter of time, Peg.
- Give me that.
- Hey no, stop it.
- [Andie] The old Brayer
where Media Club was basically
just a zone to learn how to
bone doesn't exist anymore.
And no one, no one is taking
this harder than Mr. Shaw.
So sad, even the
Foursome was highly
affected by the events
of Homecoming 2016.
One member of our
group left us forever.
Oh no, she's not dead.
Her mom felt guilty
for forcing her into
public school after
we all got in trouble.
She promised Imogen
she never had to return
and moved to a compound
for homeschooled kids,
cutting off all ties
to the outside world.
The Bobcats have
lost their meow.
Everyone's having a
hard time adjusting.
(up tempo guitar music)
Well, not everyone.
(Andie sighs)
Oh, my God, I can't
believe I'm that girl.
- What girl?
- I'm that girl who
gets a boyfriend
and wants to spend every second.
- Well I guess that
makes me that guy.
- I can't believe it's already
been two months
since Homecoming.
Winter break legit
starts tomorrow.
Time goes by so
fast when you're--
- Completely smitten.
- Oh, I was gonna say boning.
- I just can't
believe we've been
able to stay in
our little bubble.
No brothers.
No jealous ex-boyfriends
and no interruptions.
(phone ringing)
(beep)
(light knocking)
- Hey Court, what's
with the doom and gloom?
- I've been trying to tell Andie
that I'm rushing
Theta Iota Theta.
- Court, I don't know.
I know firsthand how
gnarly Greek life can get.
- You love being in a frat.
- Well sure now
but when I pledged,
my brothers made me
prove that I could
boner it while watching
All About Schmidt.
- I can handle that, Jack
Nicholson is my jelly jam.
Ooh, plus they're going to
Beach Island for winter break.
If I get a bid, I get to go.
- Sororities are way
worse than fraternities.
Why do you even want to rush?
- Justie, I really need
your support on this.
I mean Andie's been MIA and
I'm MMA, "Missing My Andie!"
- Oh.
- I could really use
some new friends
and I've always wanted
more blood sisses.
- Are you trying Andie again?
- No, Dakota.
Maybe he's heard from our girl.
- Did you hear who
Dakota hooked up with?
- Every student in
the entire school.
- Yes, I heard he
banged his teacher.
- It was Dakota and Mr. Zapp in
the chemistry lab with
the Bunsen burner.
- What was that?
Eh, it's not worth it.
- I Am Legend ain't just
a Will Smith movie, okay?
- [Slacks] Reminder,
the Math League
Pep Rally are held at
1:30 on the quad today.
- I'm loving this
new look on Brayer.
When did this happen?
- Probably while
we were doing this.
- Well consider
me shocked emoji.
I mean if I knew putting my
brother in ISS meant football
would be on the outs
and supportive
sweethearts on the in,
I would've got caught in
my lingerie years ago.
- You would've been
11 so I'm pretty sure
for everyone's sake I'm
glad that you didn't.
(bell rings)
I don't want you to go in,
I'm gonna miss you too much.
- No, I'm gonna
miss you too much.
- No, I'm gonna miss you.
- No, I'm gonna miss you.
- No.
- Why don't you play hooky?
Who needs math?
What do you say, rebel?
Ditch city?
- Population us.
- How we doin' in here?
Alec, come on, bud.
Buddy, Budzif.
I can't bear seeing
you like this.
I should have never turned
you kids in at Homecoming.
If I had known the
butterfly effect,
I would've never un-cocooned.
So you gonna pick
that up, my pal?
- I'm surprised I
moved that quickly.
I haven't played
ball in so long,
I forgot I'd be flexible
enough to bend down.
- You still got it, look, catch.
- Sorry.
- Ow.
- [Girsten] That is bleak.
- This is totally my bad.
If I had just tightened
Josh's leash earlier,
none of what went down at
HC would've ever happened.
Girsten, I'm just
too (bleep) nice.
- It's, like,
totally snowballed.
You got Alec, Josh, and Kent
suspended from the
team and now they blow.
The frickin' marching
band took over the field.
- You know what Girsten,
those tuba-pushers
can keep it because it
was totally worth it.
Some people deserve
to be miserable.
- If we're gonna meet in
your skank-ass dorm room
at lunch, the least you
could do is light a candle.
It smells like someone up
and found Dory in here.
- Just keep swimming.
- You know I'm
banned from Brayer.
- Sorry I'm late,
I was preoccupied.
- It seems like
you're late a lot.
- At least it's not my period.
- Andie, now that
you're here, finally,
I can tell you that my
legend status has been--
- (phone beeps)
- Thank you, Australia!
Look at him!
- I swear, you're allergic
to paying me attention.
- Blood sis, I have big news.
I am rushing a sor--
- Ooh, speaking of rushing.
I gotta jet, I made
plans with Kent.
I'd love to stay
but I promised him.
I hate this so much, bye.
- Gang, we have a prob.
- Thank you,
Christopher Columbus.
What a profound discovery.
- I'm Mayflowered.
- I have seen this
100 times before,
it is textbook first
relationship, you know?
You get wrapped up in the guy
and you just ignore
your friends.
I haven't gotten a
text response in days.
- No DMs for 12 PMs.
- Andie never answers.
- Desperate times call
for desperate people.
Imogen, Dakota dial.
- [Operator] The phone number
you're trying to reach--
- I told you.
Homeschool is off limits.
We tried this already.
- I'm just struggling to
believe that she's really gone.
- I'll never gone.
- Ah, I know.
Well, best of luck to her.
- Who gives a (bleep)?
We need to focus on the friend
that didn't abandon ship.
So what's the plan?
- I was thinking...
(whispering)
(gasps)
- Whisper, whisper,
whisper, whisper.
- Okay, you're gonna
need some assistance.
- Yes, Court, you're
really killing it.
- [Courtney] And that's it.
- [Everyone] Intervention!
- I can't wait to not have
to get busy in a closet.
- Well there goes all our
winter break plans for me.
I'm kidding.
Picture
candles and a bike
ride to a picnic.
I even made swanky reservations
at the Blooming Onion itself.
- God, you know--
- Intervention one.
"Keep what was once important
at the top of your
priority list.
This will keep you busy
and distance makes
the heart grow fonder."
My distance is zero.
- I think I catch your drift.
- Wait, wait, where are you--
- Class.
- There's nothing else
written on my hand.
(skidding)
"It's time for you to pause
necking and stop neglecting
the Foursome."
Probably not important.
(anxious electronic tones)
- Miss Fixler!
- (sighs)
At the beginning of class
when I see you're not here,
I celebrate internally
and then you come in late.
It's like you do it on purpose
so you can see my spirit die.
Well,
take a look.
- I feel like this
is an inappropriate
distance for a teacher-student--
Oh, my God. I see it.
- Get in your
group seat for CPR.
- I've been absent a lot,
do you mind reminding
me where that is?
- We're practicing CPR,
the person sitting next
to you is your partner
as you learn this life
saving technique from 1952.
- So should we?
- Yeah, whatever.
- Look, Josh--
dude, you're pinned.
You're forced to listen to me.
I've been trying to talk
to you for two months
and if this is the only time
you'll listen, I'm taking it.
- That's funny because
I've been right here
and you've been a
little preoccupied.
- You can't punish me for being
with someone who
wanted to be with me.
I wanted it to be you but--
- I screwed up, I know.
Trust me, I know.
- It feels like all we've ever
done is just hurt each other.
- Is that right?
- Yeah.
We've never really been friends.
I've just been Alec's little
sister and you've been,
you know,
my brother's friend
I've had a crush on.
- Andie that's ridiculous,
we were friends.
- Neither of us were
honest with each other.
That's not friendship.
Can we just start over?
I hate Selena Gomez
but I am seriously
sick of the same old
song, aren't you?
- I mean yeah, it's not fun
avoiding you in the halls.
It's really hard.
- I'm willing to put this
in the past. I miss you.
- Okay but just to be
clear, it's a little weird
that we're staring
a friendship with
you straddling me.
- I take it
you're on board, then?
- I mean yeah, it's
not like I'm a very
popular guy right now
with football and Greer.
(hissing)
I'll take any friend I can get.
Go ahead.
- Hey.
- I missed you.
- I know, it was torture.
- I gotta say, Mae was right,
distance makes the
heart grow harder.
- I think she said fonder.
- I stand by what I said.
- (boing)
- Oh!
Whoa. Dude.
- [Mae] Andie
misunderstood my hand.
She heard absence makes
the heart grow fonder
and applied it to that
guy she's licking.
- [Student] Whoa.
Hmm.
- Hello?
Are you gonna apologize,
librarian loser?
- Librarians smell
of books and are
the sexual fantasy
of 42% of males.
So thanks for the compliment.
Besides, it is you
who bumped into me.
- Do you know who you're
talking to, Nancy Drew?
- Greer Ashton. You
once had a snaggletooth.
You're a typical Sagittarius
and you're the girl who was
just dumped for a sophomore.
- Pathetic.
- (scoffs)
- Wha?
(record scratch)
- Intervention two.
In order to be a bomb ass bud,
you gotta put yourself first.
- Why is everyone
busting in here
giving us unsolicited advice?
- Great question.
Dakota, what are
you spewing about?
- Listen up, mall mannequin,
you shouldn't just be doing
whatever your boo wants.
You're your own person and you
should be wearing the pants.
- Listen, she doesn't
do whatever I want.
- It's okay, Dakota's right.
I haven't been completely
honest about what I want.
I was just afraid to tell you.
You seemed so into it and I
didn't want to disappoint you.
- Give me a fair go.
- I-- I don't want
to ride bikes.
See well, it hurts my butt.
- You know what, that's
not the ride I care about.
- I, too, have failed.
Courtney, you're our only hope.
God help us.
- I can't talk long, I'm
in the middle of pledging.
You know, I don't know why
peeps get so pissed over hazing.
It's been a cinch for me.
- Good, now fall in, pledge.
- Don't worry, I've got
a plan for blood sis.
Gather the troops and
meet in my dorm in 30.
Oh, also can you bring some
period blood, like a gallon?
- [Badge] Courtney,
pull down your pants
and come near the fire.
- Way ahead of you, Badge.
- So where's Court?
She's the one who
demanded that I be here.
- Ah, good.
You're all here.
(gasps)
- Oh, I'm gonna be
real with ya,
you went from an
eight to a seven.
- Love it.
- What's going on?
- With this? Oh, I'm pledging
TIT and they dyed my hair,
which is perfect 'cause that's
what's gonna fix your sitch.
Intervention three.
Always put your friends
first, chicks before dicks,
hos before bros,
Foursome before whoresome.
- This is my first
Facebook-official relationship.
Can you blame me for wanting
to spend time with him?
- I have a boyfriend
and I am totally
happy to put him
second all the time.
You guys always come first.
- Yeah but that feels
a lot different because
you have clear boundary
issues when it comes to us.
Plus you've been dating
since you were four.
- (whispers)
She was such a cute four.
- Wait a minute,
how is you becoming a
brunette gonna fix my sitch?
- Yeah, I'm also curious.
- Theta Iota Theta gave
me all their pledge
tickets 'cause they
got nervous I was gonna
spill the beans about the
hazing to Teen Loafer.
An all expenses paid
trip to Beach Island,
the whitest beaches for the--
- Whitest people.
They gave you that
because of a mop swap?
- Not 'cause of my
hair, 'cause of this.
(retching)
- Yeah, I see why
they gave you those.
- Makes sense, I'm in.
- I'm in.
- [Courtney] Blood sis?
- You know I would totally
love to come with you
guys but I already made
super solid plans with Kent.
You guys know I would be there
for you, and obviously,
like, I want to come of course
but I'm a woman of my word.
Thanks for understanding.
(typewriter clicking)
(phone ringing)
- My darkroom is
almost complete.
The best part about being
a reporter is you can
take pictures of people
when they're not looking.
- An entire room
for the Bulletin.
I haven't been
this excited since
I discovered staplers
have a remover attached.
On that day, I really let loose.
- Think I can cover something
other than obits this year?
I feel guilty waiting
for someone to die.
- Shut up, Terry.
- Shut up, Terry.
- Okay, I guess I'll just
give you Stan's letter later.
- What?
- What?
- I should be the
one to read it,
I've been on the
Bulletin the longest.
- No one wants to hear
your high-pitched quacking
for the length of a letter.
- I could read it.
- Fine.
- Fine.
- "Dear lackeys, as
you're well aware,
I have used my ginormous
brain to graduate early
and take the hard-hitting
job of actual reporter for
none other than
T... M... Z."
- Wow.
- It's very reputable.
- "Even though I'm gone, I will
not have my legacy destroyed.
Cuppa Bear's only suspended
until after winter break."
- It's almost 3:15.
Winter break is upon us.
What do we do, Stan?
- Shh.
- "It is up to you to
prove to Principal Slacks
that the Bulletin
deserves this space.
Your mission,
to follow the Foursome
on their winter break.
Bring back dirt
and get 'em banned forever.
Are you with me?"
- Yes, master.
- Yes, chief.
- "And now for the moment
you've all been waiting for,
the person I am
leaving in charge is...
- Divit."
- Yes.
- "Go. Go to winter break,
Destroy the Foursome.
Ha ha ha, ha ha ha
ha, ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha--"
How long am I
supposed to laugh for?
There's a ton of ha's.
"Ha ha ha, ha ha ha
ha, ha ha ha ha ha."
- I deserved this.
I'll prove that I'm
worthy of the promotion.
I will rise to the challenge.
- Kent.
- Hey.
- I just want it to be
winter break already.
Just me,
you and nothing else.
- About that.
I was so excited to spend
winter break with you
but I just found out that my
cousins from Perth are in town.
We're really close.
I haven't seen them in
a really long time,
so I kinda need to spend time
with them over winter break.
- Oh.
- It'll only be for
a few weeks though.
It'll fly by, I promise.
Remember how good
one period apart was?
This is gonna be so much better.
- Yeah.
Yeah. No big D.
No big D, man.
I hope you have the
best time with your
(Australian accent)
aboriginal mates.
- Why are you talking like
that? Are you okay with this?
Because if you're not,
I can ask them if they
want to split the time.
(relaxed guitar music)
- No.
Go spend time with your family.
We'll make up for it later.
- How about now?
- Right now.
- Right now.
You read my mind.
- Just givin' it
the old John H.
Hancock, he invented the...
It doesn't matter.
So are you excited that
winter break starts tomorrow?
- I don't feel anything anymore.
- Ah, it'll come back to ya.
Especially now since you're
off the hook with ISS, huh?
- Now it's nothing
but maxing, relaxing,
saxing, you play?
- I don't play anything anymore.
- Okay well,
oh, I gotta get my
wrist checked out.
All right so be sure to take
care of, you know that thing.
Shaw.
- Gang, great news.
I've decided to join you guys
on your epic beach vacay.
- He blew you off, huh?
- Kent had plans, right?
- I don't know.
- Okay, yeah.
But I'm still super stoked
to soak up some rays
with my bae's.
- Get over here, two-timer.
We wouldn't be
complete without you.
- Everything is perfect now
that we're all together.
Foursome,
winter break edition!
(cheering)
(upbeat guitar music)
- [Divit] Have a productive
time off, peers of Brayer.
See you after winter break.
- Winter break, here I come!
Oh, hey, Bob.
I thought you left.
Guys this should really
be shut, come on now.
They're trophies.
(clears throat)
♪ Digital chime
- [Andie] Last
season on Foursome,
we laughed, we cried,
we scored but most of
all we lost friendships.
- I'm going back to home school.
(thud)
- Alec.
- [Andie] Clubs.
- You three, suspended from
football and you three from
Media Club.
Courtney Todd, you
are banned from
all Brayer High School
events and property.
- [Andie] And the one thing
that can never be replaced.
Wanna get outta here?
My virginity!
(screaming, shouting)
Remember Brayer, the
school where cool was
defined by lettermans
and being the bomb
was based on how hard
you shook your poms?
Well ever since we
lost our best players,
the football team
has been on a serious
bleak streak
of hardcore losing.
And now the chess is the best.
- Attention students of Brayer,
I'm ecstatic to remind
you that a certain
junkyard dumpster fire, Media
Club, is still suspended.
The only place to get the news
is the paper, the newspaper.
- Why do you get to hold
the microphone, Divit?
Stan didn't name you the
successor of the Bulletin.
- It's just a
matter of time, Peg.
- Give me that.
- Hey no, stop it.
- [Andie] The old Brayer
where Media Club was basically
just a zone to learn how to
bone doesn't exist anymore.
And no one, no one is taking
this harder than Mr. Shaw.
So sad, even the
Foursome was highly
affected by the events
of Homecoming 2016.
One member of our
group left us forever.
Oh no, she's not dead.
Her mom felt guilty
for forcing her into
public school after
we all got in trouble.
She promised Imogen
she never had to return
and moved to a compound
for homeschooled kids,
cutting off all ties
to the outside world.
The Bobcats have
lost their meow.
Everyone's having a
hard time adjusting.
(up tempo guitar music)
Well, not everyone.
(Andie sighs)
Oh, my God, I can't
believe I'm that girl.
- What girl?
- I'm that girl who
gets a boyfriend
and wants to spend every second.
- Well I guess that
makes me that guy.
- I can't believe it's already
been two months
since Homecoming.
Winter break legit
starts tomorrow.
Time goes by so
fast when you're--
- Completely smitten.
- Oh, I was gonna say boning.
- I just can't
believe we've been
able to stay in
our little bubble.
No brothers.
No jealous ex-boyfriends
and no interruptions.
(phone ringing)
(beep)
(light knocking)
- Hey Court, what's
with the doom and gloom?
- I've been trying to tell Andie
that I'm rushing
Theta Iota Theta.
- Court, I don't know.
I know firsthand how
gnarly Greek life can get.
- You love being in a frat.
- Well sure now
but when I pledged,
my brothers made me
prove that I could
boner it while watching
All About Schmidt.
- I can handle that, Jack
Nicholson is my jelly jam.
Ooh, plus they're going to
Beach Island for winter break.
If I get a bid, I get to go.
- Sororities are way
worse than fraternities.
Why do you even want to rush?
- Justie, I really need
your support on this.
I mean Andie's been MIA and
I'm MMA, "Missing My Andie!"
- Oh.
- I could really use
some new friends
and I've always wanted
more blood sisses.
- Are you trying Andie again?
- No, Dakota.
Maybe he's heard from our girl.
- Did you hear who
Dakota hooked up with?
- Every student in
the entire school.
- Yes, I heard he
banged his teacher.
- It was Dakota and Mr. Zapp in
the chemistry lab with
the Bunsen burner.
- What was that?
Eh, it's not worth it.
- I Am Legend ain't just
a Will Smith movie, okay?
- [Slacks] Reminder,
the Math League
Pep Rally are held at
1:30 on the quad today.
- I'm loving this
new look on Brayer.
When did this happen?
- Probably while
we were doing this.
- Well consider
me shocked emoji.
I mean if I knew putting my
brother in ISS meant football
would be on the outs
and supportive
sweethearts on the in,
I would've got caught in
my lingerie years ago.
- You would've been
11 so I'm pretty sure
for everyone's sake I'm
glad that you didn't.
(bell rings)
I don't want you to go in,
I'm gonna miss you too much.
- No, I'm gonna
miss you too much.
- No, I'm gonna miss you.
- No, I'm gonna miss you.
- No.
- Why don't you play hooky?
Who needs math?
What do you say, rebel?
Ditch city?
- Population us.
- How we doin' in here?
Alec, come on, bud.
Buddy, Budzif.
I can't bear seeing
you like this.
I should have never turned
you kids in at Homecoming.
If I had known the
butterfly effect,
I would've never un-cocooned.
So you gonna pick
that up, my pal?
- I'm surprised I
moved that quickly.
I haven't played
ball in so long,
I forgot I'd be flexible
enough to bend down.
- You still got it, look, catch.
- Sorry.
- Ow.
- [Girsten] That is bleak.
- This is totally my bad.
If I had just tightened
Josh's leash earlier,
none of what went down at
HC would've ever happened.
Girsten, I'm just
too (bleep) nice.
- It's, like,
totally snowballed.
You got Alec, Josh, and Kent
suspended from the
team and now they blow.
The frickin' marching
band took over the field.
- You know what Girsten,
those tuba-pushers
can keep it because it
was totally worth it.
Some people deserve
to be miserable.
- If we're gonna meet in
your skank-ass dorm room
at lunch, the least you
could do is light a candle.
It smells like someone up
and found Dory in here.
- Just keep swimming.
- You know I'm
banned from Brayer.
- Sorry I'm late,
I was preoccupied.
- It seems like
you're late a lot.
- At least it's not my period.
- Andie, now that
you're here, finally,
I can tell you that my
legend status has been--
- (phone beeps)
- Thank you, Australia!
Look at him!
- I swear, you're allergic
to paying me attention.
- Blood sis, I have big news.
I am rushing a sor--
- Ooh, speaking of rushing.
I gotta jet, I made
plans with Kent.
I'd love to stay
but I promised him.
I hate this so much, bye.
- Gang, we have a prob.
- Thank you,
Christopher Columbus.
What a profound discovery.
- I'm Mayflowered.
- I have seen this
100 times before,
it is textbook first
relationship, you know?
You get wrapped up in the guy
and you just ignore
your friends.
I haven't gotten a
text response in days.
- No DMs for 12 PMs.
- Andie never answers.
- Desperate times call
for desperate people.
Imogen, Dakota dial.
- [Operator] The phone number
you're trying to reach--
- I told you.
Homeschool is off limits.
We tried this already.
- I'm just struggling to
believe that she's really gone.
- I'll never gone.
- Ah, I know.
Well, best of luck to her.
- Who gives a (bleep)?
We need to focus on the friend
that didn't abandon ship.
So what's the plan?
- I was thinking...
(whispering)
(gasps)
- Whisper, whisper,
whisper, whisper.
- Okay, you're gonna
need some assistance.
- Yes, Court, you're
really killing it.
- [Courtney] And that's it.
- [Everyone] Intervention!
- I can't wait to not have
to get busy in a closet.
- Well there goes all our
winter break plans for me.
I'm kidding.
Picture
candles and a bike
ride to a picnic.
I even made swanky reservations
at the Blooming Onion itself.
- God, you know--
- Intervention one.
"Keep what was once important
at the top of your
priority list.
This will keep you busy
and distance makes
the heart grow fonder."
My distance is zero.
- I think I catch your drift.
- Wait, wait, where are you--
- Class.
- There's nothing else
written on my hand.
(skidding)
"It's time for you to pause
necking and stop neglecting
the Foursome."
Probably not important.
(anxious electronic tones)
- Miss Fixler!
- (sighs)
At the beginning of class
when I see you're not here,
I celebrate internally
and then you come in late.
It's like you do it on purpose
so you can see my spirit die.
Well,
take a look.
- I feel like this
is an inappropriate
distance for a teacher-student--
Oh, my God. I see it.
- Get in your
group seat for CPR.
- I've been absent a lot,
do you mind reminding
me where that is?
- We're practicing CPR,
the person sitting next
to you is your partner
as you learn this life
saving technique from 1952.
- So should we?
- Yeah, whatever.
- Look, Josh--
dude, you're pinned.
You're forced to listen to me.
I've been trying to talk
to you for two months
and if this is the only time
you'll listen, I'm taking it.
- That's funny because
I've been right here
and you've been a
little preoccupied.
- You can't punish me for being
with someone who
wanted to be with me.
I wanted it to be you but--
- I screwed up, I know.
Trust me, I know.
- It feels like all we've ever
done is just hurt each other.
- Is that right?
- Yeah.
We've never really been friends.
I've just been Alec's little
sister and you've been,
you know,
my brother's friend
I've had a crush on.
- Andie that's ridiculous,
we were friends.
- Neither of us were
honest with each other.
That's not friendship.
Can we just start over?
I hate Selena Gomez
but I am seriously
sick of the same old
song, aren't you?
- I mean yeah, it's not fun
avoiding you in the halls.
It's really hard.
- I'm willing to put this
in the past. I miss you.
- Okay but just to be
clear, it's a little weird
that we're staring
a friendship with
you straddling me.
- I take it
you're on board, then?
- I mean yeah, it's
not like I'm a very
popular guy right now
with football and Greer.
(hissing)
I'll take any friend I can get.
Go ahead.
- Hey.
- I missed you.
- I know, it was torture.
- I gotta say, Mae was right,
distance makes the
heart grow harder.
- I think she said fonder.
- I stand by what I said.
- (boing)
- Oh!
Whoa. Dude.
- [Mae] Andie
misunderstood my hand.
She heard absence makes
the heart grow fonder
and applied it to that
guy she's licking.
- [Student] Whoa.
Hmm.
- Hello?
Are you gonna apologize,
librarian loser?
- Librarians smell
of books and are
the sexual fantasy
of 42% of males.
So thanks for the compliment.
Besides, it is you
who bumped into me.
- Do you know who you're
talking to, Nancy Drew?
- Greer Ashton. You
once had a snaggletooth.
You're a typical Sagittarius
and you're the girl who was
just dumped for a sophomore.
- Pathetic.
- (scoffs)
- Wha?
(record scratch)
- Intervention two.
In order to be a bomb ass bud,
you gotta put yourself first.
- Why is everyone
busting in here
giving us unsolicited advice?
- Great question.
Dakota, what are
you spewing about?
- Listen up, mall mannequin,
you shouldn't just be doing
whatever your boo wants.
You're your own person and you
should be wearing the pants.
- Listen, she doesn't
do whatever I want.
- It's okay, Dakota's right.
I haven't been completely
honest about what I want.
I was just afraid to tell you.
You seemed so into it and I
didn't want to disappoint you.
- Give me a fair go.
- I-- I don't want
to ride bikes.
See well, it hurts my butt.
- You know what, that's
not the ride I care about.
- I, too, have failed.
Courtney, you're our only hope.
God help us.
- I can't talk long, I'm
in the middle of pledging.
You know, I don't know why
peeps get so pissed over hazing.
It's been a cinch for me.
- Good, now fall in, pledge.
- Don't worry, I've got
a plan for blood sis.
Gather the troops and
meet in my dorm in 30.
Oh, also can you bring some
period blood, like a gallon?
- [Badge] Courtney,
pull down your pants
and come near the fire.
- Way ahead of you, Badge.
- So where's Court?
She's the one who
demanded that I be here.
- Ah, good.
You're all here.
(gasps)
- Oh, I'm gonna be
real with ya,
you went from an
eight to a seven.
- Love it.
- What's going on?
- With this? Oh, I'm pledging
TIT and they dyed my hair,
which is perfect 'cause that's
what's gonna fix your sitch.
Intervention three.
Always put your friends
first, chicks before dicks,
hos before bros,
Foursome before whoresome.
- This is my first
Facebook-official relationship.
Can you blame me for wanting
to spend time with him?
- I have a boyfriend
and I am totally
happy to put him
second all the time.
You guys always come first.
- Yeah but that feels
a lot different because
you have clear boundary
issues when it comes to us.
Plus you've been dating
since you were four.
- (whispers)
She was such a cute four.
- Wait a minute,
how is you becoming a
brunette gonna fix my sitch?
- Yeah, I'm also curious.
- Theta Iota Theta gave
me all their pledge
tickets 'cause they
got nervous I was gonna
spill the beans about the
hazing to Teen Loafer.
An all expenses paid
trip to Beach Island,
the whitest beaches for the--
- Whitest people.
They gave you that
because of a mop swap?
- Not 'cause of my
hair, 'cause of this.
(retching)
- Yeah, I see why
they gave you those.
- Makes sense, I'm in.
- I'm in.
- [Courtney] Blood sis?
- You know I would totally
love to come with you
guys but I already made
super solid plans with Kent.
You guys know I would be there
for you, and obviously,
like, I want to come of course
but I'm a woman of my word.
Thanks for understanding.
(typewriter clicking)
(phone ringing)
- My darkroom is
almost complete.
The best part about being
a reporter is you can
take pictures of people
when they're not looking.
- An entire room
for the Bulletin.
I haven't been
this excited since
I discovered staplers
have a remover attached.
On that day, I really let loose.
- Think I can cover something
other than obits this year?
I feel guilty waiting
for someone to die.
- Shut up, Terry.
- Shut up, Terry.
- Okay, I guess I'll just
give you Stan's letter later.
- What?
- What?
- I should be the
one to read it,
I've been on the
Bulletin the longest.
- No one wants to hear
your high-pitched quacking
for the length of a letter.
- I could read it.
- Fine.
- Fine.
- "Dear lackeys, as
you're well aware,
I have used my ginormous
brain to graduate early
and take the hard-hitting
job of actual reporter for
none other than
T... M... Z."
- Wow.
- It's very reputable.
- "Even though I'm gone, I will
not have my legacy destroyed.
Cuppa Bear's only suspended
until after winter break."
- It's almost 3:15.
Winter break is upon us.
What do we do, Stan?
- Shh.
- "It is up to you to
prove to Principal Slacks
that the Bulletin
deserves this space.
Your mission,
to follow the Foursome
on their winter break.
Bring back dirt
and get 'em banned forever.
Are you with me?"
- Yes, master.
- Yes, chief.
- "And now for the moment
you've all been waiting for,
the person I am
leaving in charge is...
- Divit."
- Yes.
- "Go. Go to winter break,
Destroy the Foursome.
Ha ha ha, ha ha ha
ha, ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha--"
How long am I
supposed to laugh for?
There's a ton of ha's.
"Ha ha ha, ha ha ha
ha, ha ha ha ha ha."
- I deserved this.
I'll prove that I'm
worthy of the promotion.
I will rise to the challenge.
- Kent.
- Hey.
- I just want it to be
winter break already.
Just me,
you and nothing else.
- About that.
I was so excited to spend
winter break with you
but I just found out that my
cousins from Perth are in town.
We're really close.
I haven't seen them in
a really long time,
so I kinda need to spend time
with them over winter break.
- Oh.
- It'll only be for
a few weeks though.
It'll fly by, I promise.
Remember how good
one period apart was?
This is gonna be so much better.
- Yeah.
Yeah. No big D.
No big D, man.
I hope you have the
best time with your
(Australian accent)
aboriginal mates.
- Why are you talking like
that? Are you okay with this?
Because if you're not,
I can ask them if they
want to split the time.
(relaxed guitar music)
- No.
Go spend time with your family.
We'll make up for it later.
- How about now?
- Right now.
- Right now.
You read my mind.
- Just givin' it
the old John H.
Hancock, he invented the...
It doesn't matter.
So are you excited that
winter break starts tomorrow?
- I don't feel anything anymore.
- Ah, it'll come back to ya.
Especially now since you're
off the hook with ISS, huh?
- Now it's nothing
but maxing, relaxing,
saxing, you play?
- I don't play anything anymore.
- Okay well,
oh, I gotta get my
wrist checked out.
All right so be sure to take
care of, you know that thing.
Shaw.
- Gang, great news.
I've decided to join you guys
on your epic beach vacay.
- He blew you off, huh?
- Kent had plans, right?
- I don't know.
- Okay, yeah.
But I'm still super stoked
to soak up some rays
with my bae's.
- Get over here, two-timer.
We wouldn't be
complete without you.
- Everything is perfect now
that we're all together.
Foursome,
winter break edition!
(cheering)
(upbeat guitar music)
- [Divit] Have a productive
time off, peers of Brayer.
See you after winter break.
- Winter break, here I come!
Oh, hey, Bob.
I thought you left.
Guys this should really
be shut, come on now.
They're trophies.
(clears throat)
♪ Digital chime