Fortysomething (2003–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Episode #1.6 - full transcript
When sons Rory and Daniel decamp to their own flat, everyone in the Slippery household begin to reassess their lives. Paul, for his part, agrees to hypnotherapy at the hands of Pilfrey, whose guidance proves anything but benign. Estelle entertains an odd proposition from her boss.
This is Paul Slippery.
This is what's inside his brain.
- He's naked!
- Can you not think of anything else but sex?
I will have you, Slippery.
I will suck you dry.
Paul!
- Dad!
- That's disgusting!
No, Rory, put that axe down!
He is a man in crisis.
Is it time he did
something about it?
Maybe it is.
What?
We don't seem to have
sex anymore.
Wow.
That's been full on.
We don't, tough, do we?
What are you asking me for?
If we had, I wouldn't remember it.
- God, Paul.
- What...?
You're saying that this is my fault?
I didn't say that.
What is the matter with you?
Why are you being
so horrible to me?
Rory and Dan are
moving out, remember?
- People grow up, Estelle.
- Not you, it seems.
- It may not mean that much to you...
- It means a lot to me!
...but it's the end
of a whole stage of my life,
and I haven't got time
to deal with it properly.
It affects me
just as much, Estelle.
I just don't see there's any point
in wringing your hands about it.
- You think I'm wringing my hands?
- No, I...
Whose is this?
"Hypnotism: the way to reduce stress
by confrontational thinking."
"Read this book and you'll
never be the same again."
Maybe that's what you need,
to be sent into a trance.
Yeah, and get sawn in half
by a conjourer.
- Hypnotism, my arse.
- Hypnotism can help people.
Really? Help them do what?
Get girls' knickers off?
No, help people solve their problems.
It was invented by a doctor.
Never know, could help
you solve yours.
"A good hypnotic subject
is open to the power of the mind,
and receptive to new experiences."
You'd be crap, then.
What do you mean?
I'm receptive to new experiences!
No, you're not, you're the
sort of neurotic Englishman,
who represses everything
and then runs amok with an axe,
murdering everybody.
Why is it run amok?
What is it with amok?
Can you walk amok?
I don't think I can
bear this anymore.
Did you just...
- Did I just hear...
- Oh God, no, please, please.
Not the voices.
No, not the voices,
the voices.
You have absolutely no interest
or sympathy for me, have you?
Really. I mean, really.
I'm going to work early because Gwendolen
has called me in for a meeting.
She's probably gonna sack me.
A fat lot you care about that
or anything else for that matter.
This is sort of mine,
do you mind if I take it?
No, no. Take it.
Take it. Take the bloody
kitchen sink for all I care.
Mum?
Mum?
Bit upset about you guys leaving.
How brilliantly perceptive of you.
Hold on, those are my pants!
These are categorically
not your pants.
I think I know my own pants
when I see them.
I think I wanna be seen dead
wearing your pants.
No, it's important what pants
you'll get seen dead in.
You get hit by a bus,
you don't want to embarrass
the nurse with an unseemly pant.
- I'm gonna miss you guys.
- We're only around the corner.
Can I take
"A hundred years of solitude"?
No.
Uhm, yes. No.
Yes.
Maybe.
You're falling into a deep sleep
under which you'll obey my every command.
And when you wake up, you'll forget
you ever had any possessions at all.
Can't believe this is all you own
after nearly quarter
of a century on the planet.
Oh, don't look now,
but Edwin's in the upstairs window.
- Looks like he's in mourning.
- Maybe we should wave or something.
He's got Woj, guys.
All right, come on, chaps.
To 33A Alluvial Road,
Clap and Queen's Mackem.
Stiff upper lip.
Passing is such sweet sorrow
and all that.
At least you'll be able to
get into the bathroom now.
We all have to do it.
We grow up,
we move away from home.
We leave our parents behind
while they... you know...
die.
We've got the Kaiser Sach people
at 11:00. Are you on top of that?
Yes, I'm... I'm so sorry
I've been rather useless recently.
But it was here,
how can it not be here?
It really was here...
I'm sorry.
I'm just gonna miss
Rory and Daniel so much.
Get your coat.
I want to show you something.
This is...
This is really nice.
Your mother and I shared
a place like this before we were married.
With a bloke called Pervis.
- Did you have feelings for Pervis?
- I did, yes.
Severe distaste.
He had this habit of labeling
things in the fridge.
"This is my milk!"
"Half of this bacon is mine!"
Well, I have to go.
What about a drink
at the end of the day?
It'd be nice.
Are you and mum okay?
I don't know.
I'll tell you this evening.
This is really nice.
Isolation
Desolation
Deadly vermin in your hair
No inclination
For masturbation
You will not find your
true love there... Hi.
Hi.
- You're here.
- I am, yeah.
How'd you get in?
Through the black door.
All right.
You gave me a key.
I remember.
You look terrible.
Never thought I'd miss my brothers.
But I really do.
Man, 84, murders wife.
A Darbyshire man pleaded guilty yesterday
to battering his wife of 60 years
to death with a hammer.
He told the judge:
"We haven't had sex since 1959."
"Enough is enough."
- Jesus.
- You've a long way to go, Paul.
Hi, Paul.
How are we?
We're pretty rough, actually,
Pilfrey, old bean.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Is there anything I can do?
You know, it's funny.
Since your breakdown,
you turned into a really nice guy.
- I try.
- To be honest, I've...
I was nervous about you
coming back, and now you...
- You know...
- I know. I know.
See, the thing is that...
Estelle and I...
we're not...
We're not really... you know...
And a while ago I thought
I could hear what people were thinking.
- I remember.
- You do?
Well, that... that seemed
to wear off, then this morning
it seemed to come back again.
Do you know what you need?
- What do I need?
- Hypnotherapy.
You see, that's really strange.
Do you believe in hypnotism?
You think you can reduce stress
by confrontational thinking?
It helped me with my
recent troubles.
I believe in it totally.
It can make a new man out of you.
You do need treatment, Paul.
Yeah, but...
who's qualified to...
put me under or help me regress
or whatever?
Moi.
And now you're breathing in time.
With the sound of those waves
gently lapping on the shore.
And you're allowing yourself
to drift away...
into a deep sleep.
In which you'll forget
all your troubles and your worries.
And you hear only my voice.
Can you hear me, Paul?
- I can hear you.
- Good.
Very good.
Now Paul, I'm gonna count
backwards from five.
When I reach zero,
you will be in a deep sleep.
Five...
Four...
Three...
Two...
One... and when I snap my fingers,
you will be sound asleep.
Zero.
Good.
Now Paul, hold up both
your hands in front of you.
Now I want you to
let them go all floppy,
say you're a puppet and
someone cut your strings.
Funny, isn't it?
Few weeks ago
we were sworn enemies,
and now... you're completely
in my power.
Are you in my power, Paul?
I'm in your power.
Good.
This marks from when he
used my head as a battering ram.
1994.
It was at a party.
Jake Furbisher was in there
with Fennella Warns.
Yeah, you must... really miss all those stuff
you used to do together.
They hung me from this
banister rail when I was six.
- What, by the neck?
- That was the initial idea, I'm sure.
But in the end they settled
for a hook in the seat of my pants.
What are you gonna do, Edwin?
I'm gonna leave home, too.
Oh right, and where
are you gonna live?
Dover.
Somewhere in there are some
Marks&Spencer's codfish cakes,
with panchetta and salsa verde.
Let's drink our way
through to them.
Now sit up straight.
I want you to go way back.
Way, way back.
As far back as you can remember.
What can you remember, Paul?
- Tricycle.
- Tricycle?
Good, what else can you remember?
Cornflakes. Milk.
I've got cornflakes.
There's a submarine in the packet.
Do you play with the submarine, Paul?
It goes underwater in the milk.
That's nice.
But things aren't always
so nice, are they, Paul?
Later on there's something happened.
Yes, you've gone away to prep school,
haven't you, Paul?
No... no girls there, I suppose.
Girls are wet and weedy.
We don't have any girls.
- Hold old are you, Paul?
- 11 and a half. So there. How old are you?
Forty-five. Forty-one!
Sit down, Paul,
listen to me.
We're gonna go
on a little journey, Paul.
You've grown up now,
you like girls.
Can you say that for me?
I like girls.
Wow.
It's lovely.
Also it's very quiet,
nobody bothers me.
But you haven't brought me here
to show me your flat.
Yes, I have.
Spare room.
Oh, I see!
And what are you looking for,
a professional person?
No pets? I can't really
imagine pets here.
I'm offering it to you.
Me?
You want me
to move in with you?
Look... you and me...
We're so like a car crash
waiting to happen, right?
Right.
Right.
Well...
Let's let it happen.
- Not... stop it before it does?
- No.
Not strangle in its cradle,
if you can strangle a car crash in its cradle...
No.
You want... physical stuff?
And stuff?
- If that's okay.
- It might be okay.
I'm not offering you anything
more than a room, Estelle.
You seem so beleaguered.
I suppose I haven't been apart
from Paul for more than a day or two at a time
for twenty years.
The room is yours
for as long as you want it.
We could stand outside at night
and make witty conversation.
Like "Privet Lives".
Like "Privet Lives".
It's funny, with the boys going away
I just didn't realise
how much time they all took.
Hasn't quite sunk in yet.
I'll call Paul.
Invite him to lunch!
How old are you now, Paul?
Old enough for you, baby.
Do you know a girl called Estelle?
She said she'd call.
Why hasn't she called?
"Don't keep me
hanging on the telephone..."
- "Don't keep me..."
- Paul, Paul.
What's Estelle like?
Estelle gave me something.
And I gave her something.
And if I can find it,
I know we'll be all right again.
What did Estelle give you?
Did she give you confidence, Paul?
Is that what she gave you?
What did you give her?
You're meeting Estelle
for the first time.
Where are you?
At a party.
Are you a student?
I'm at medical school.
She's there.
But she's not a medic,
she's more the artsy-type.
How do you meet?
I look at her across the room...
She's eating a piece
of pineapple.
Yes?
And I love her.
- Pilfrey, did you see...
- Surinder, Surinder.
I'm in the middle of something with Paul.
Fine, I'll catch you later, Paul.
Who loves ya, baby?
You like that lady,
don't you, Paul?
I do.
- She likes you.
- You think?
Women like you, Paul.
I've always resented that.
We're gonna play
a little joke on these women.
A very funny joke.
Now, I want you to listen
to me very, very carefully.
- Some things I won't do.
- I respect that.
I'd like... you know...
an advance warning for any...
hands-on stuff.
Right.
- Like a kiss or something.
- Right. Yeah.
How much advance warning?
A week?
You know, a week's
a long time in politics.
- An hour?
- 20 minutes?
30 seconds?
You're cool, Woj.
You can... try it sort of
anytime from now if you like.
- I'm cool.
- You are.
Well... here I come.
Ready or not.
- Uhm, I'm ready for you.
- That's good.
In your own time.
Fine.
We're gonna go right up
to the present now, Paul.
Every time you see a woman,
and you feel
turned on by her,
aroused by her...
Yes?
Yes. You're gonna do
something very funny.
Am I?
You're gonna make
a noise like a chicken.
- A chicken?
- Yes.
You're going to be a chicken.
You're going to go "puk-puk-puk".
And all these women...
they're gonna be
at your feet, Paul.
They're going to love
you're a chicken.
Okay.
Now, you're looking at a woman.
She's turning you on.
Wonderful, wonderful!
Now, when I'm with you
and I snap my fingers,
you're gonna go to sleep.
Lovely.
Now, Paul, I'm gonna
count backwards from five.
When I reach zero,
you will be awake, refreshed,
and you'll think of me
as your friend.
Five...
Four...
Three...
Two...
One, and when I clap my hands,
you will be fully awake...
Zero.
Okay, Pilfrey, I'm ready.
Feeling good.
So, hypnotise me.
Maybe later.
Isn't this your brother's room?
Not anymore.
We can now move freely
between all three sleeping areas.
Paul? We need to talk.
Yes, we certainly do!
You and I need to...
I want you to come
and have lunch with Gwendolen and me.
Can you be at Le Lumiere at 1:00?
Yes, she's...
She's put a proposition to me.
A proposition?
What kind of proposition?
Does it involve a hotel?
How come there's three of us
in this marriage?
Do I have to bring
a lawyer to lunch?
Is everything all right?
In fact, I'll tell you what.
I'm bringing Pilfrey!
Ronnie Pilfrey is coming with me.
- Why?
- Because I want him to, all right?
Paul? Could you keep
your voice down, please?
You bring the dyke,
I bring Pilfrey.
Don't call her a dyke!
- Why not?
- Because... just don't!
She can call herself a dyke,
but you can't.
She'll be taking you
away to DM next.
Why would she want to
take me away to DM?
What do you think? Because
she wants to sleep with you!
Paul, I'm gonna put
the phone down now.
God, I'm so sorry
that you heard that.
Don't be.
He can't separate the fact
that I'm gay from the problems you're having.
I know, but...
I've got nothing against
the word dyke, actually.
I always assume
it refers to other people.
It was... just like an ultimatum!
It wasn't like an ultimatum,
it was an ultimatum!
Be there at 1:00, and
I'll bring my lesbo chum.
- Maybe...
- Maybe what?
Maybe you need
to put up a fight for her.
Listen, if you're serious,
I'm happy to come.
If you think it'll help.
I don't think that's
such a good idea.
Why not? What have
you got against Ronnie?
Oh, it's Ronnie now, is it?
Ronnie's my name.
Thank you, Paul.
I'd love to come to lunch.
What? Ronnie's my mate!
You're much more
than that, Surinder.
- Am I?
- Yeah, you're... you're...
You're nice and dependable...
lovely and gorgeous...
Always be my friend, Paul.
Always make that chicken noise.
Are we ready to order?
I'm not hungry.
All right, let's leave it
for a moment or two.
I understand the rib of beef
is excellent, but it's for two.
What's he doing here?
He's my friend.
What's she doing here?
Gwendolen has made me a...
A what? A quilt?
A lemon meringue pie, what?
Go ahead, Estelle.
I'm here to help.
I'm but a tool. I've been parched.
I'm not the man I was.
You're not the woman you were,
and Paul's not the man he was.
What about the waiters?
Are they the waiters they were?
Or have they been "parched"?
Carry on, Estelle.
Gwendolen has offered me
the use of her flat for a while
while we sort things out.
I see.
It's only a temporary thing, I'm sure,
it's just that we seem to be all...
All messed up.
When did we last have sex?
1959.
Sorry? What's 1959?
Sorry, it's nothing.
It's just I thought
I heard... the voices...
Well, I thought...
Going mad. Sorry.
Paul is going through trauma,
I've been through a trauma.
- What made my trauma particularly...
- Dr Pilfrey.
Why don't we let Estelle and Paul
work out their own problems?
I just don't know what's happening
to us at the moment, Paul.
Should we order now?
Allow me.
Gar?on!
That's a female.
Sorry?
Paul!
Hello!
Hello.
Paul? Darling, are you all right?
What's wrong with him?
Classic trauma symptom.
He's taking refuge in sleep.
Paul. Wake up!
Our lovely waitress is here.
What do you think?
You want the chicken?
Paul, for God's sakes,
what's the matter with you?
Right, we got the message.
What've you done to him?
Look, I'm sorry about this.
Could you give us a moment
to collect our thoughts?
Paul, it's Ronnie,
are you listening to me?
Yes, Pilfrey,
I'm listening, old bean.
Estelle is trying
to say something to you.
Shut up!
Paul, look at me!
Look at your wife, Paul.
Paul, what are you gonna
do about our marriage?
- Ronnie?
- Yes, Paul?
What am I supposed to say?
That is it!
Don't expect me home tonight,
Gwendolen will tell you where I am.
Oh for God's sake, Paul,
say something!
Even if it's just goodbye!
I'm starving.
Why did you clap your hands?
I find that the waitresses respond
quicker to that particular stimulus.
People are like machines, really.
You just need to know
which buttons to press.
Right, have you decided now?
You two deserve each other.
Excuse me.
What's happened with her?
And where's Estelle?
Do you still want the chicken?
The what?
Isn't it odd?
Isn't what odd?
After you've had four or five...
Or six.
- Or six...
- Lagers...
Yeah.
What about after you've had
four or five or six lagers?
What?
What about it?
You don't want any more.
No.
But after you've...
you know...
What?
With a woman...
Yes?
It is endless really, isn't it?
What is?
The longing.
Suppose it is, really.
Want another lager?
Get one.
- Sorry.
- Thank you, Gwendolen.
- She didn't...
- No.
She's gone home
to get her things.
All right.
Thanks. Bye.
What news?
Estelle's gone home
to pick up her stuff.
I just don't know
what came over me at lunch.
Maybe Gwendolen slipped
something in my drink.
I should get home
and talk to her.
Of course, I'll cover for you.
You're in no fit state to work.
Surinder, you're a real pal.
- Is he all right?
- Yes.
It's so sad, isn't it?
Such a shame.
- What is?
- What's happening to our friend.
Tell me, has he
made any noises?
What?
Has he made any...
animal noises?
As a matter of fact,
he did make a noise like a chicken.
Why'd you ask?
Because he did that to me earlier,
I found it very disturbing.
Really? I love it.
Not when you do it, Pilfrey.
But I can try.
My little Indian love goddess.
I can try.
Quick, upstairs!
Too late!
Hide! Just hide!
- Hi.
- Hi.
You're not at school.
Thought I'd do some... athletics.
Look, darling, I've gotta
go away for a couple of days, okay?
Oh, I cannot believe
these are here since last summer.
Corsica, remember?
We all went up to
the mountains and got lost.
God, it was so beautiful.
The sun shone every day.
It rained once, actually.
This is the one.
- I've never stopped fancying him, Lucy.
- Daniel or Rory?
Are you gonna ring it or am I?
- You do it.
- No, you do it.
- No, you do it.
- No, you do it!
I don't know what to say.
What if they don't want us?
Someone's coming.
Quick, let's go!
- Is it safe to come out yet?
- She's still upstairs.
Yes, I found this on the stairs.
And these in the hall?
They're not mine, I swear!
No.
Be good, darling.
Look after him, Woj.
Yeah, I'll try, Mrs Slippery.
What was she on about?
Didn't look too good, did she?
Maybe Paul'll leave, too.
And then we could do it
all over the house!
I swear, I heard Lucy's voice.
That's how it starts.
You think you hear
their voices in the wind.
Then you see them everywhere.
Every passing spaniel
has Lucy's face.
I heard her voice.
They're not coming back, Dan!
You screwed it up
by shagging Laura,
I screwed it up by convincing
myself I fancied Lucy,
end of story!
It's just you and me,
and 300 cans of lager.
Hello? Is anybody home?
Is there anyone
under that blanket?
No.
No.
- Did Estelle come back?
- She did.
Then she left again.
With a suitcase.
You all right?
Not great.
Anyone else under there?
- Hello, Woj.
- Hi, Dr Slippery.
Anyone else? Is Snozzer
lurking under there perhaps, or Bozz?
No, it's... it's just us,
I'm afraid.
Two people is best in bed, Woj.
Or ought to be.
He's in bad shape.
Didn't even ask
if I was wearing a condom!
I can see the flat I lived in
when I first came to London.
It was 1964
and I had no money at all.
I worked for a woman
called Charlotte Fox.
She was an absolute bitch.
She doesn't seem to have done
you any lasting damage.
She slept with every men in town.
All men in those days
had to be straight.
When did you first... know...?
Well, I first realised
I was a... dyke,
when I was about 26.
I was in a restaurant
with some friends.
And these girls came in.
Page 3 type girls.
And the men on the next table
started to ogle.
One of them kept saying
"Look at that!"
My friends were not amused.
There was a lot of talk about
the degradation of women,
and the beastliness of men,
but I didn't join in
because I was looking
at one of the girls.
A girl with auburn hair
and a naughty look in her eyes...
and I was thinking:
- Hi, there.
- Hi.
What's the problem, dad?
I rather like that. "Dad".
God, look at you two.
You look great. You look like two people
who've had a really great afternoon.
God, when you're young, you just
don't know what it is you've got.
There's no reason
why you should know.
Part of the point in being young
really is not knowing.
Life gets around to you
soon enough.
Have a good afternoon.
Take whatever you need.
Dr Slippery?
You're not gonna... like...
do something stupid, are you?
No, Woj, I'm not gonna
hang myself this afternoon,
but thanks all the same.
I'm just gonna go
and see Dan and Rory.
But you two...
have a good time.
- This is weird.
- Yeah.
Don't feel like it.
No, me neither.
- Guess it happens.
- Guess it must do.
For no one's getting done.
Everything's all right?
Yes, I just... I didn't know
how many books to bring.
Do you read two books at once?
God, yes. When I was younger, I used to have
three books on the go at the same time.
I can just picture you
as a ten-year-old squat.
We were married young.
We didn't know each other,
not really.
I don't want you to think I'm pushing you
in a direction you don't want to go.
You haven't pushed me!
You've given me a great job!
Isn't that what life
is about these days?
Success and earning
lots and lots of money?
Listen, I earn lots and lots of money,
you just earn lots.
Stay as long or as little
as you want.
Thank you.
If you really love him,
you should go back.
Didn't someone set
that to music?
There'll never be anyone else
for me, Dan Slippery.
- I just love bastards.
- I love bastards, too,
cause I am a bastard
and I know how nice they can be.
I'm not a bastard!
I'm a sensitive, intense,
incredibly feeling young man,
who just occasionally likes to go...
- To the pub!
- Yay!
- The door was open so I...
- No, no! Hi.
Well, it's me.
It's really nice to see you!
Lovely to see you, Paul.
- You're a bit...
- Early, I know.
No, no, it's just we were...
We were just about
to go to the pub.
Wanna come along?
No, it's okay. You go,
and I'll wait here.
Yeah, sure? Cause
we're probably gonna be...
Take as much time
as you want.
You've probably got things
to talk about.
It's important to talk.
Your mother and I
should've talked more.
You okay?
For God's sake, I'm fine,
go! Go, I'll wait here.
- Bye, Paul.
- See you, dad!
Bye, Paul.
I felt rather bad about taking this.
I'm not really sure it's mine.
I gave this to Estelle...
years ago.
Rory? Darling, it's Estelle.
It feels really weird
dialling this number.
Look, I thought I might
come and see you.
Actually, I'm sort of here
looking at your new front door.
And I suddenly tought
maybe you're out.
Look...
Things aren't great
between your father and me,
and I thought I might...
I hate it, he's always so bad
at saying what he feels,
and he gets these crazy ideas
all the time, and I don't feel...
Why am I saying all this
to a machine?
Why am I not picking it up?
People just don't communicate
properly anymore, do they?
No, they don't.
They just go and shout at each other
across empty space.
Maybe you're closer to him than I am,
maybe you can tell me
how to get through to him...
This is hopeless,
you're obviously not here.
I'm in a real state, I don't know
why I'm going on like this.
I think I'll just go.
Can you believe it?
Little brats tried to steal this.
They didn't.
They did.
Would you like to come in?
It's just me here,
I'm afraid.
What do you think?
It's very Pervis.
I gave you this
the day we got married.
You did.
I remember exactly how you looked
after we said those words.
Do you?
I remember the registrar...
actually had to say "Kiss her!".
And you did.
I find those things difficult.
I know.
When you've been married a long time
sometimes you forget...
You forget why you're there
and what you're supposed to be doing.
You forget a lot of things.
Like when we last had sex?
13th May.
Was it really that long ago?
That's not the only bloody issue.
I just can't believe
you still hear voices!
Yeah.
- Sorry about that.
- It doesn't have to be a huge problem.
In certain circumstances
it could be an asset.
As in...?
Come over and sit next to me.
I see what you mean.
I suppose forgetting things
isn't all bad, is it?
No.
You have to forget things sometimes
in order to remember them.
What have you remembered?
That I love you, I suppose.
There was only one woman for me.
Darling, can you put that down?
Always one woman.
I just thought
you ought to know that.
I love you.
I will always love you.
That's a fixed thing
as far as I'm concerned.
Done deal, okay?
When are the boys due back?
Horribly soon, I expect.
Although...
great thing about London is
there's so much for young people to do.
Don't you think?
What are you doing?
I'm surgically removing the battery
from this doorbell.
I am a doctor.
So...
What happens now?
I think you take off your clothes.
What if I don't want to?
Then I would...
take them off for you.
Paul, right now
that's not a great choice.
It's not a choice, it's you!
You're doing this to me!
You make a lovely chicken.
- Do I?
- Yes.
Dad!
Dad!
He's drawn the curtains.
What's mum's car doing here?
You don't think...
That's disgusting.
What are we gonna do, then?
We could always go home,
I suppose.
Yeah!
What took us so long?
Search me.
Did you say 3rd May?
Can't remember,
might've said 3rd February.
I don't really care.
Me neither.
I really like this place.
It's all right.
We could live here.
We could.
There's something
I meant to say to you.
What's that?
I love you, too.
I know that.
The little swine!
This is what's inside his brain.
- He's naked!
- Can you not think of anything else but sex?
I will have you, Slippery.
I will suck you dry.
Paul!
- Dad!
- That's disgusting!
No, Rory, put that axe down!
He is a man in crisis.
Is it time he did
something about it?
Maybe it is.
What?
We don't seem to have
sex anymore.
Wow.
That's been full on.
We don't, tough, do we?
What are you asking me for?
If we had, I wouldn't remember it.
- God, Paul.
- What...?
You're saying that this is my fault?
I didn't say that.
What is the matter with you?
Why are you being
so horrible to me?
Rory and Dan are
moving out, remember?
- People grow up, Estelle.
- Not you, it seems.
- It may not mean that much to you...
- It means a lot to me!
...but it's the end
of a whole stage of my life,
and I haven't got time
to deal with it properly.
It affects me
just as much, Estelle.
I just don't see there's any point
in wringing your hands about it.
- You think I'm wringing my hands?
- No, I...
Whose is this?
"Hypnotism: the way to reduce stress
by confrontational thinking."
"Read this book and you'll
never be the same again."
Maybe that's what you need,
to be sent into a trance.
Yeah, and get sawn in half
by a conjourer.
- Hypnotism, my arse.
- Hypnotism can help people.
Really? Help them do what?
Get girls' knickers off?
No, help people solve their problems.
It was invented by a doctor.
Never know, could help
you solve yours.
"A good hypnotic subject
is open to the power of the mind,
and receptive to new experiences."
You'd be crap, then.
What do you mean?
I'm receptive to new experiences!
No, you're not, you're the
sort of neurotic Englishman,
who represses everything
and then runs amok with an axe,
murdering everybody.
Why is it run amok?
What is it with amok?
Can you walk amok?
I don't think I can
bear this anymore.
Did you just...
- Did I just hear...
- Oh God, no, please, please.
Not the voices.
No, not the voices,
the voices.
You have absolutely no interest
or sympathy for me, have you?
Really. I mean, really.
I'm going to work early because Gwendolen
has called me in for a meeting.
She's probably gonna sack me.
A fat lot you care about that
or anything else for that matter.
This is sort of mine,
do you mind if I take it?
No, no. Take it.
Take it. Take the bloody
kitchen sink for all I care.
Mum?
Mum?
Bit upset about you guys leaving.
How brilliantly perceptive of you.
Hold on, those are my pants!
These are categorically
not your pants.
I think I know my own pants
when I see them.
I think I wanna be seen dead
wearing your pants.
No, it's important what pants
you'll get seen dead in.
You get hit by a bus,
you don't want to embarrass
the nurse with an unseemly pant.
- I'm gonna miss you guys.
- We're only around the corner.
Can I take
"A hundred years of solitude"?
No.
Uhm, yes. No.
Yes.
Maybe.
You're falling into a deep sleep
under which you'll obey my every command.
And when you wake up, you'll forget
you ever had any possessions at all.
Can't believe this is all you own
after nearly quarter
of a century on the planet.
Oh, don't look now,
but Edwin's in the upstairs window.
- Looks like he's in mourning.
- Maybe we should wave or something.
He's got Woj, guys.
All right, come on, chaps.
To 33A Alluvial Road,
Clap and Queen's Mackem.
Stiff upper lip.
Passing is such sweet sorrow
and all that.
At least you'll be able to
get into the bathroom now.
We all have to do it.
We grow up,
we move away from home.
We leave our parents behind
while they... you know...
die.
We've got the Kaiser Sach people
at 11:00. Are you on top of that?
Yes, I'm... I'm so sorry
I've been rather useless recently.
But it was here,
how can it not be here?
It really was here...
I'm sorry.
I'm just gonna miss
Rory and Daniel so much.
Get your coat.
I want to show you something.
This is...
This is really nice.
Your mother and I shared
a place like this before we were married.
With a bloke called Pervis.
- Did you have feelings for Pervis?
- I did, yes.
Severe distaste.
He had this habit of labeling
things in the fridge.
"This is my milk!"
"Half of this bacon is mine!"
Well, I have to go.
What about a drink
at the end of the day?
It'd be nice.
Are you and mum okay?
I don't know.
I'll tell you this evening.
This is really nice.
Isolation
Desolation
Deadly vermin in your hair
No inclination
For masturbation
You will not find your
true love there... Hi.
Hi.
- You're here.
- I am, yeah.
How'd you get in?
Through the black door.
All right.
You gave me a key.
I remember.
You look terrible.
Never thought I'd miss my brothers.
But I really do.
Man, 84, murders wife.
A Darbyshire man pleaded guilty yesterday
to battering his wife of 60 years
to death with a hammer.
He told the judge:
"We haven't had sex since 1959."
"Enough is enough."
- Jesus.
- You've a long way to go, Paul.
Hi, Paul.
How are we?
We're pretty rough, actually,
Pilfrey, old bean.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Is there anything I can do?
You know, it's funny.
Since your breakdown,
you turned into a really nice guy.
- I try.
- To be honest, I've...
I was nervous about you
coming back, and now you...
- You know...
- I know. I know.
See, the thing is that...
Estelle and I...
we're not...
We're not really... you know...
And a while ago I thought
I could hear what people were thinking.
- I remember.
- You do?
Well, that... that seemed
to wear off, then this morning
it seemed to come back again.
Do you know what you need?
- What do I need?
- Hypnotherapy.
You see, that's really strange.
Do you believe in hypnotism?
You think you can reduce stress
by confrontational thinking?
It helped me with my
recent troubles.
I believe in it totally.
It can make a new man out of you.
You do need treatment, Paul.
Yeah, but...
who's qualified to...
put me under or help me regress
or whatever?
Moi.
And now you're breathing in time.
With the sound of those waves
gently lapping on the shore.
And you're allowing yourself
to drift away...
into a deep sleep.
In which you'll forget
all your troubles and your worries.
And you hear only my voice.
Can you hear me, Paul?
- I can hear you.
- Good.
Very good.
Now Paul, I'm gonna count
backwards from five.
When I reach zero,
you will be in a deep sleep.
Five...
Four...
Three...
Two...
One... and when I snap my fingers,
you will be sound asleep.
Zero.
Good.
Now Paul, hold up both
your hands in front of you.
Now I want you to
let them go all floppy,
say you're a puppet and
someone cut your strings.
Funny, isn't it?
Few weeks ago
we were sworn enemies,
and now... you're completely
in my power.
Are you in my power, Paul?
I'm in your power.
Good.
This marks from when he
used my head as a battering ram.
1994.
It was at a party.
Jake Furbisher was in there
with Fennella Warns.
Yeah, you must... really miss all those stuff
you used to do together.
They hung me from this
banister rail when I was six.
- What, by the neck?
- That was the initial idea, I'm sure.
But in the end they settled
for a hook in the seat of my pants.
What are you gonna do, Edwin?
I'm gonna leave home, too.
Oh right, and where
are you gonna live?
Dover.
Somewhere in there are some
Marks&Spencer's codfish cakes,
with panchetta and salsa verde.
Let's drink our way
through to them.
Now sit up straight.
I want you to go way back.
Way, way back.
As far back as you can remember.
What can you remember, Paul?
- Tricycle.
- Tricycle?
Good, what else can you remember?
Cornflakes. Milk.
I've got cornflakes.
There's a submarine in the packet.
Do you play with the submarine, Paul?
It goes underwater in the milk.
That's nice.
But things aren't always
so nice, are they, Paul?
Later on there's something happened.
Yes, you've gone away to prep school,
haven't you, Paul?
No... no girls there, I suppose.
Girls are wet and weedy.
We don't have any girls.
- Hold old are you, Paul?
- 11 and a half. So there. How old are you?
Forty-five. Forty-one!
Sit down, Paul,
listen to me.
We're gonna go
on a little journey, Paul.
You've grown up now,
you like girls.
Can you say that for me?
I like girls.
Wow.
It's lovely.
Also it's very quiet,
nobody bothers me.
But you haven't brought me here
to show me your flat.
Yes, I have.
Spare room.
Oh, I see!
And what are you looking for,
a professional person?
No pets? I can't really
imagine pets here.
I'm offering it to you.
Me?
You want me
to move in with you?
Look... you and me...
We're so like a car crash
waiting to happen, right?
Right.
Right.
Well...
Let's let it happen.
- Not... stop it before it does?
- No.
Not strangle in its cradle,
if you can strangle a car crash in its cradle...
No.
You want... physical stuff?
And stuff?
- If that's okay.
- It might be okay.
I'm not offering you anything
more than a room, Estelle.
You seem so beleaguered.
I suppose I haven't been apart
from Paul for more than a day or two at a time
for twenty years.
The room is yours
for as long as you want it.
We could stand outside at night
and make witty conversation.
Like "Privet Lives".
Like "Privet Lives".
It's funny, with the boys going away
I just didn't realise
how much time they all took.
Hasn't quite sunk in yet.
I'll call Paul.
Invite him to lunch!
How old are you now, Paul?
Old enough for you, baby.
Do you know a girl called Estelle?
She said she'd call.
Why hasn't she called?
"Don't keep me
hanging on the telephone..."
- "Don't keep me..."
- Paul, Paul.
What's Estelle like?
Estelle gave me something.
And I gave her something.
And if I can find it,
I know we'll be all right again.
What did Estelle give you?
Did she give you confidence, Paul?
Is that what she gave you?
What did you give her?
You're meeting Estelle
for the first time.
Where are you?
At a party.
Are you a student?
I'm at medical school.
She's there.
But she's not a medic,
she's more the artsy-type.
How do you meet?
I look at her across the room...
She's eating a piece
of pineapple.
Yes?
And I love her.
- Pilfrey, did you see...
- Surinder, Surinder.
I'm in the middle of something with Paul.
Fine, I'll catch you later, Paul.
Who loves ya, baby?
You like that lady,
don't you, Paul?
I do.
- She likes you.
- You think?
Women like you, Paul.
I've always resented that.
We're gonna play
a little joke on these women.
A very funny joke.
Now, I want you to listen
to me very, very carefully.
- Some things I won't do.
- I respect that.
I'd like... you know...
an advance warning for any...
hands-on stuff.
Right.
- Like a kiss or something.
- Right. Yeah.
How much advance warning?
A week?
You know, a week's
a long time in politics.
- An hour?
- 20 minutes?
30 seconds?
You're cool, Woj.
You can... try it sort of
anytime from now if you like.
- I'm cool.
- You are.
Well... here I come.
Ready or not.
- Uhm, I'm ready for you.
- That's good.
In your own time.
Fine.
We're gonna go right up
to the present now, Paul.
Every time you see a woman,
and you feel
turned on by her,
aroused by her...
Yes?
Yes. You're gonna do
something very funny.
Am I?
You're gonna make
a noise like a chicken.
- A chicken?
- Yes.
You're going to be a chicken.
You're going to go "puk-puk-puk".
And all these women...
they're gonna be
at your feet, Paul.
They're going to love
you're a chicken.
Okay.
Now, you're looking at a woman.
She's turning you on.
Wonderful, wonderful!
Now, when I'm with you
and I snap my fingers,
you're gonna go to sleep.
Lovely.
Now, Paul, I'm gonna
count backwards from five.
When I reach zero,
you will be awake, refreshed,
and you'll think of me
as your friend.
Five...
Four...
Three...
Two...
One, and when I clap my hands,
you will be fully awake...
Zero.
Okay, Pilfrey, I'm ready.
Feeling good.
So, hypnotise me.
Maybe later.
Isn't this your brother's room?
Not anymore.
We can now move freely
between all three sleeping areas.
Paul? We need to talk.
Yes, we certainly do!
You and I need to...
I want you to come
and have lunch with Gwendolen and me.
Can you be at Le Lumiere at 1:00?
Yes, she's...
She's put a proposition to me.
A proposition?
What kind of proposition?
Does it involve a hotel?
How come there's three of us
in this marriage?
Do I have to bring
a lawyer to lunch?
Is everything all right?
In fact, I'll tell you what.
I'm bringing Pilfrey!
Ronnie Pilfrey is coming with me.
- Why?
- Because I want him to, all right?
Paul? Could you keep
your voice down, please?
You bring the dyke,
I bring Pilfrey.
Don't call her a dyke!
- Why not?
- Because... just don't!
She can call herself a dyke,
but you can't.
She'll be taking you
away to DM next.
Why would she want to
take me away to DM?
What do you think? Because
she wants to sleep with you!
Paul, I'm gonna put
the phone down now.
God, I'm so sorry
that you heard that.
Don't be.
He can't separate the fact
that I'm gay from the problems you're having.
I know, but...
I've got nothing against
the word dyke, actually.
I always assume
it refers to other people.
It was... just like an ultimatum!
It wasn't like an ultimatum,
it was an ultimatum!
Be there at 1:00, and
I'll bring my lesbo chum.
- Maybe...
- Maybe what?
Maybe you need
to put up a fight for her.
Listen, if you're serious,
I'm happy to come.
If you think it'll help.
I don't think that's
such a good idea.
Why not? What have
you got against Ronnie?
Oh, it's Ronnie now, is it?
Ronnie's my name.
Thank you, Paul.
I'd love to come to lunch.
What? Ronnie's my mate!
You're much more
than that, Surinder.
- Am I?
- Yeah, you're... you're...
You're nice and dependable...
lovely and gorgeous...
Always be my friend, Paul.
Always make that chicken noise.
Are we ready to order?
I'm not hungry.
All right, let's leave it
for a moment or two.
I understand the rib of beef
is excellent, but it's for two.
What's he doing here?
He's my friend.
What's she doing here?
Gwendolen has made me a...
A what? A quilt?
A lemon meringue pie, what?
Go ahead, Estelle.
I'm here to help.
I'm but a tool. I've been parched.
I'm not the man I was.
You're not the woman you were,
and Paul's not the man he was.
What about the waiters?
Are they the waiters they were?
Or have they been "parched"?
Carry on, Estelle.
Gwendolen has offered me
the use of her flat for a while
while we sort things out.
I see.
It's only a temporary thing, I'm sure,
it's just that we seem to be all...
All messed up.
When did we last have sex?
1959.
Sorry? What's 1959?
Sorry, it's nothing.
It's just I thought
I heard... the voices...
Well, I thought...
Going mad. Sorry.
Paul is going through trauma,
I've been through a trauma.
- What made my trauma particularly...
- Dr Pilfrey.
Why don't we let Estelle and Paul
work out their own problems?
I just don't know what's happening
to us at the moment, Paul.
Should we order now?
Allow me.
Gar?on!
That's a female.
Sorry?
Paul!
Hello!
Hello.
Paul? Darling, are you all right?
What's wrong with him?
Classic trauma symptom.
He's taking refuge in sleep.
Paul. Wake up!
Our lovely waitress is here.
What do you think?
You want the chicken?
Paul, for God's sakes,
what's the matter with you?
Right, we got the message.
What've you done to him?
Look, I'm sorry about this.
Could you give us a moment
to collect our thoughts?
Paul, it's Ronnie,
are you listening to me?
Yes, Pilfrey,
I'm listening, old bean.
Estelle is trying
to say something to you.
Shut up!
Paul, look at me!
Look at your wife, Paul.
Paul, what are you gonna
do about our marriage?
- Ronnie?
- Yes, Paul?
What am I supposed to say?
That is it!
Don't expect me home tonight,
Gwendolen will tell you where I am.
Oh for God's sake, Paul,
say something!
Even if it's just goodbye!
I'm starving.
Why did you clap your hands?
I find that the waitresses respond
quicker to that particular stimulus.
People are like machines, really.
You just need to know
which buttons to press.
Right, have you decided now?
You two deserve each other.
Excuse me.
What's happened with her?
And where's Estelle?
Do you still want the chicken?
The what?
Isn't it odd?
Isn't what odd?
After you've had four or five...
Or six.
- Or six...
- Lagers...
Yeah.
What about after you've had
four or five or six lagers?
What?
What about it?
You don't want any more.
No.
But after you've...
you know...
What?
With a woman...
Yes?
It is endless really, isn't it?
What is?
The longing.
Suppose it is, really.
Want another lager?
Get one.
- Sorry.
- Thank you, Gwendolen.
- She didn't...
- No.
She's gone home
to get her things.
All right.
Thanks. Bye.
What news?
Estelle's gone home
to pick up her stuff.
I just don't know
what came over me at lunch.
Maybe Gwendolen slipped
something in my drink.
I should get home
and talk to her.
Of course, I'll cover for you.
You're in no fit state to work.
Surinder, you're a real pal.
- Is he all right?
- Yes.
It's so sad, isn't it?
Such a shame.
- What is?
- What's happening to our friend.
Tell me, has he
made any noises?
What?
Has he made any...
animal noises?
As a matter of fact,
he did make a noise like a chicken.
Why'd you ask?
Because he did that to me earlier,
I found it very disturbing.
Really? I love it.
Not when you do it, Pilfrey.
But I can try.
My little Indian love goddess.
I can try.
Quick, upstairs!
Too late!
Hide! Just hide!
- Hi.
- Hi.
You're not at school.
Thought I'd do some... athletics.
Look, darling, I've gotta
go away for a couple of days, okay?
Oh, I cannot believe
these are here since last summer.
Corsica, remember?
We all went up to
the mountains and got lost.
God, it was so beautiful.
The sun shone every day.
It rained once, actually.
This is the one.
- I've never stopped fancying him, Lucy.
- Daniel or Rory?
Are you gonna ring it or am I?
- You do it.
- No, you do it.
- No, you do it.
- No, you do it!
I don't know what to say.
What if they don't want us?
Someone's coming.
Quick, let's go!
- Is it safe to come out yet?
- She's still upstairs.
Yes, I found this on the stairs.
And these in the hall?
They're not mine, I swear!
No.
Be good, darling.
Look after him, Woj.
Yeah, I'll try, Mrs Slippery.
What was she on about?
Didn't look too good, did she?
Maybe Paul'll leave, too.
And then we could do it
all over the house!
I swear, I heard Lucy's voice.
That's how it starts.
You think you hear
their voices in the wind.
Then you see them everywhere.
Every passing spaniel
has Lucy's face.
I heard her voice.
They're not coming back, Dan!
You screwed it up
by shagging Laura,
I screwed it up by convincing
myself I fancied Lucy,
end of story!
It's just you and me,
and 300 cans of lager.
Hello? Is anybody home?
Is there anyone
under that blanket?
No.
No.
- Did Estelle come back?
- She did.
Then she left again.
With a suitcase.
You all right?
Not great.
Anyone else under there?
- Hello, Woj.
- Hi, Dr Slippery.
Anyone else? Is Snozzer
lurking under there perhaps, or Bozz?
No, it's... it's just us,
I'm afraid.
Two people is best in bed, Woj.
Or ought to be.
He's in bad shape.
Didn't even ask
if I was wearing a condom!
I can see the flat I lived in
when I first came to London.
It was 1964
and I had no money at all.
I worked for a woman
called Charlotte Fox.
She was an absolute bitch.
She doesn't seem to have done
you any lasting damage.
She slept with every men in town.
All men in those days
had to be straight.
When did you first... know...?
Well, I first realised
I was a... dyke,
when I was about 26.
I was in a restaurant
with some friends.
And these girls came in.
Page 3 type girls.
And the men on the next table
started to ogle.
One of them kept saying
"Look at that!"
My friends were not amused.
There was a lot of talk about
the degradation of women,
and the beastliness of men,
but I didn't join in
because I was looking
at one of the girls.
A girl with auburn hair
and a naughty look in her eyes...
and I was thinking:
- Hi, there.
- Hi.
What's the problem, dad?
I rather like that. "Dad".
God, look at you two.
You look great. You look like two people
who've had a really great afternoon.
God, when you're young, you just
don't know what it is you've got.
There's no reason
why you should know.
Part of the point in being young
really is not knowing.
Life gets around to you
soon enough.
Have a good afternoon.
Take whatever you need.
Dr Slippery?
You're not gonna... like...
do something stupid, are you?
No, Woj, I'm not gonna
hang myself this afternoon,
but thanks all the same.
I'm just gonna go
and see Dan and Rory.
But you two...
have a good time.
- This is weird.
- Yeah.
Don't feel like it.
No, me neither.
- Guess it happens.
- Guess it must do.
For no one's getting done.
Everything's all right?
Yes, I just... I didn't know
how many books to bring.
Do you read two books at once?
God, yes. When I was younger, I used to have
three books on the go at the same time.
I can just picture you
as a ten-year-old squat.
We were married young.
We didn't know each other,
not really.
I don't want you to think I'm pushing you
in a direction you don't want to go.
You haven't pushed me!
You've given me a great job!
Isn't that what life
is about these days?
Success and earning
lots and lots of money?
Listen, I earn lots and lots of money,
you just earn lots.
Stay as long or as little
as you want.
Thank you.
If you really love him,
you should go back.
Didn't someone set
that to music?
There'll never be anyone else
for me, Dan Slippery.
- I just love bastards.
- I love bastards, too,
cause I am a bastard
and I know how nice they can be.
I'm not a bastard!
I'm a sensitive, intense,
incredibly feeling young man,
who just occasionally likes to go...
- To the pub!
- Yay!
- The door was open so I...
- No, no! Hi.
Well, it's me.
It's really nice to see you!
Lovely to see you, Paul.
- You're a bit...
- Early, I know.
No, no, it's just we were...
We were just about
to go to the pub.
Wanna come along?
No, it's okay. You go,
and I'll wait here.
Yeah, sure? Cause
we're probably gonna be...
Take as much time
as you want.
You've probably got things
to talk about.
It's important to talk.
Your mother and I
should've talked more.
You okay?
For God's sake, I'm fine,
go! Go, I'll wait here.
- Bye, Paul.
- See you, dad!
Bye, Paul.
I felt rather bad about taking this.
I'm not really sure it's mine.
I gave this to Estelle...
years ago.
Rory? Darling, it's Estelle.
It feels really weird
dialling this number.
Look, I thought I might
come and see you.
Actually, I'm sort of here
looking at your new front door.
And I suddenly tought
maybe you're out.
Look...
Things aren't great
between your father and me,
and I thought I might...
I hate it, he's always so bad
at saying what he feels,
and he gets these crazy ideas
all the time, and I don't feel...
Why am I saying all this
to a machine?
Why am I not picking it up?
People just don't communicate
properly anymore, do they?
No, they don't.
They just go and shout at each other
across empty space.
Maybe you're closer to him than I am,
maybe you can tell me
how to get through to him...
This is hopeless,
you're obviously not here.
I'm in a real state, I don't know
why I'm going on like this.
I think I'll just go.
Can you believe it?
Little brats tried to steal this.
They didn't.
They did.
Would you like to come in?
It's just me here,
I'm afraid.
What do you think?
It's very Pervis.
I gave you this
the day we got married.
You did.
I remember exactly how you looked
after we said those words.
Do you?
I remember the registrar...
actually had to say "Kiss her!".
And you did.
I find those things difficult.
I know.
When you've been married a long time
sometimes you forget...
You forget why you're there
and what you're supposed to be doing.
You forget a lot of things.
Like when we last had sex?
13th May.
Was it really that long ago?
That's not the only bloody issue.
I just can't believe
you still hear voices!
Yeah.
- Sorry about that.
- It doesn't have to be a huge problem.
In certain circumstances
it could be an asset.
As in...?
Come over and sit next to me.
I see what you mean.
I suppose forgetting things
isn't all bad, is it?
No.
You have to forget things sometimes
in order to remember them.
What have you remembered?
That I love you, I suppose.
There was only one woman for me.
Darling, can you put that down?
Always one woman.
I just thought
you ought to know that.
I love you.
I will always love you.
That's a fixed thing
as far as I'm concerned.
Done deal, okay?
When are the boys due back?
Horribly soon, I expect.
Although...
great thing about London is
there's so much for young people to do.
Don't you think?
What are you doing?
I'm surgically removing the battery
from this doorbell.
I am a doctor.
So...
What happens now?
I think you take off your clothes.
What if I don't want to?
Then I would...
take them off for you.
Paul, right now
that's not a great choice.
It's not a choice, it's you!
You're doing this to me!
You make a lovely chicken.
- Do I?
- Yes.
Dad!
Dad!
He's drawn the curtains.
What's mum's car doing here?
You don't think...
That's disgusting.
What are we gonna do, then?
We could always go home,
I suppose.
Yeah!
What took us so long?
Search me.
Did you say 3rd May?
Can't remember,
might've said 3rd February.
I don't really care.
Me neither.
I really like this place.
It's all right.
We could live here.
We could.
There's something
I meant to say to you.
What's that?
I love you, too.
I know that.
The little swine!