Flipped (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Sizzle Reel - full transcript
When cartel member Diego shows up looking for his missing money, the Melfis hope a red-hot sizzle reel will come to their rescue.
(MUFFLED GRUNTING, WHIMPERING)
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
Are you messing with me right now?
There are, like, a thousand
bottles of wine down here.
It's very cuckoo.
(MARIACHI FLOURISH PLAYS)
No way.
(CHUCKLES)
Château Margaux?
You know, this is my favorite Bordeaux.
And you can't get this stuff in stores.
Now, where did you get it?
(MUFFLED SPEAKING)
Oops, sorry. That's rude of me.
(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)
- Oh!
- Please, go ahead.
There's an importer in Riverside
called the French Connection.
They specialize in Bordeauxs
and Burgandies, you know.
It's a little pricey, but the
customer service is just...
- It's really good,
- Yes.
so we, we... we... we
think it's worth it.
Oh, you best believe I'm
gonna get that number from you.
If I have to torture you for it.
(LAUGHS) Uh, wine opener? Do you...
Oh, right over there.
It's the wood panel
right by the refrigerator.
- That thing?
- Mm-hmm.
There's a little switch
down at the bottom.
(EXCLAIMS IN SPANISH)
Now, that is slick.
It's Pottery Barn.
You know, people underestimate the Barn.
They underestimate
the Barn all the time.
- So, what do you... ?
- Oh, simply place
the hands-free mechanism
over the neck of the bottle.
- I'm not touching it!
- Ta-da! (CHUCKLES)
DIEGO: Wait, what's
it doing with the cork?
It's spinning it back out! How polite.
CRICKET: Oh, yes, get
ready to receive the cork
to keep your wine fresh
for seven to ten days.
(SIGHS)
You know...
I have to say it...
I have to say it. It must be said.
I am intrigued, you know?
(EXHALES) People steal
from me all the time.
I mean, you know, it's, like,
the cost of doing business.
In the grocery business
they call it "breakage."
Okay, thank you.
But the smart ones, you see,
they steal from me, and
boom, they take off, right?
Yeah, they leave the
country, they disappear.
Very time-consuming to find them.
More than you would think.
- I bet, I bet.
- But the two of you...
you steal half a million
dollars from my stash house,
and not only do you not run,
but you spend every last
cent in the exact place
in which you found it?
Who does that?
And I should be so fucking
mad at you right now.
My fucking money.
But the cajones that it takes
to pull something like this off...
I... my mind is blown
right now. It is blown.
Oh, my goodness... I'm gonna be
telling this story at parties forever.
It's gonna outlive you two...
by a lot.
- Oh...
- (SHUDDERING INHALE)
You'll be long dead
when I tell the story.
(LAUGHS): Fantastic.
(LOUD WHIRRING)
Marco, I'm trying
to enjoy my wine, man. What the fuck?
Just turn that shit off, please?
You can't, boss.
That's what's amazing.
- It never stops sucking.
- Yeah.
What is this?
It's the SwissVac
central vacuuming system.
It... it gives 24-7 cleaning power.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
(STAMMERS) Walk me through this.
So how much was the SwissVac?
$3,400.
Oh, wow.
Oh, and... and... and the wine opener?
How much is that?
$900 with installation.
Ooh, Spendy McSpenderson.
I hear that it's a lot
when I say it out loud.
DIEGO: Yeah, that's a lot of money.
Fuck it, let's just ask.
How about that computer system?
15,000 American dollars.
That is an expensive
computer system, my friend.
But you know what, I...
at least I can see where my money went.
You know, I appreciate that.
(CLICKS TONGUE) It's a shame.
Shame, shame, shame,
shame, shame, shame, shame.
Okay.
Javi, go get the shovels.
Marco, help me bury these two
(SPEAKS SPANISH) in the fucking ground.
- No! Wait, no...
- Wha..? No. Uh, but...
(BOTH CLAMORING)
No, no, no! Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait!
Wait! Okay, just a second!
You have to kill us, all right?
We accept that.
We stole from you and we have to pay.
But please listen
and understand that this...
this is our life's work.
This is our dream.
And, and if you kill us now,
you'll be robbing the
world of-of our vision.
And we'll never know if our
dreams were worth dying for.
So, please, I beg of you!
Before you put us in the ground,
just do one thing, please?
I need you to be the eyes
and ears of the world.
Watch our sizzle reel
and tell us what you think.
Well?
Just press the space bar.
Hey, y'all! I'm Cricket!
And I'm Jann, and welcome to
BOTH: Flip It and Gone
with Cricket and Jann!
We are here in the
beautiful California desert
for the challenge of our artistic lives.
We'll try to transform this
hopeless, historic hovel...
Into a diamond-encrusted
desert delight, ah...
Okay, I have to say it: you
two are very charismatic.
You know, it's very engaging.
CRICKET (ON TV): Jann and I agree
on almost everything.
Emphasis on "almost."
(BOTH LAUGHING)
But one feature about this renovation
really put us on the ropes.
This one wanted a
wood-burning pizza oven.
Guilty.
Now, Cricket chose a model that
would have dominated the kitchen space.
Also, it puts out about 1,200 degrees
of heat and would have made
the house unbearably hot.
Well, yeah, but... pizza!
(BOTH LAUGH)
I knew she wasn't gonna budge,
so it was time for a compromise.
This smarty-pants had
a much smaller version
handcrafted from Italy to fit our space.
- (OVEN DINGS)
- Pizza's done.
Ah...
Mmm.
Now, that smells like compromise.
Yeah, and that is about as much
pizza as I ever eat, anyway.
You know, it's so sensible.
- (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
- When I'm watching sports
and listening to rock and roll,
I need state-of-the-art sound!
So we installed a 1,000-watt
surround sound system
throughout the whole house.
Now, excuse me while
I get my air guitar on.
Can I hook up that system to my Xbox?
You'd need an HDMI
adapter, but sure, yeah.
- (SPEAKS SPANISH)
- Excuse me,
- do you mind?
- So... sorry.
Okay, thank you so much.
A front yard water feature
was a must-have, but we
couldn't find anything
that got us excited.
And we looked forever.
But then, on one of his frequent
research trips to Palm Springs,
Jann found something that
rounded out our vision
for this property perfectly.
I saw this, and it was
all I could think about.
I just knew this feature
would amp up curb appeal
and be a focal point for neighbors
and prospective buyers.
We hope you love this
little desert Shangri-la.
We found so much joy
in manifesting your next dream home.
And thanks to Home Renovation TV
for this opportunity.
We hope you love us
as much as we love you.
See you in your fall lineup.
She's Cricket.
He's Jann.
We flipped it.
BOTH: And now we're gone.
It is very, very good.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Thank... thank you...
(MUFFLED SHOUT)
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
Are you messing with me right now?
There are, like, a thousand
bottles of wine down here.
It's very cuckoo.
(MARIACHI FLOURISH PLAYS)
No way.
(CHUCKLES)
Château Margaux?
You know, this is my favorite Bordeaux.
And you can't get this stuff in stores.
Now, where did you get it?
(MUFFLED SPEAKING)
Oops, sorry. That's rude of me.
(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)
- Oh!
- Please, go ahead.
There's an importer in Riverside
called the French Connection.
They specialize in Bordeauxs
and Burgandies, you know.
It's a little pricey, but the
customer service is just...
- It's really good,
- Yes.
so we, we... we... we
think it's worth it.
Oh, you best believe I'm
gonna get that number from you.
If I have to torture you for it.
(LAUGHS) Uh, wine opener? Do you...
Oh, right over there.
It's the wood panel
right by the refrigerator.
- That thing?
- Mm-hmm.
There's a little switch
down at the bottom.
(EXCLAIMS IN SPANISH)
Now, that is slick.
It's Pottery Barn.
You know, people underestimate the Barn.
They underestimate
the Barn all the time.
- So, what do you... ?
- Oh, simply place
the hands-free mechanism
over the neck of the bottle.
- I'm not touching it!
- Ta-da! (CHUCKLES)
DIEGO: Wait, what's
it doing with the cork?
It's spinning it back out! How polite.
CRICKET: Oh, yes, get
ready to receive the cork
to keep your wine fresh
for seven to ten days.
(SIGHS)
You know...
I have to say it...
I have to say it. It must be said.
I am intrigued, you know?
(EXHALES) People steal
from me all the time.
I mean, you know, it's, like,
the cost of doing business.
In the grocery business
they call it "breakage."
Okay, thank you.
But the smart ones, you see,
they steal from me, and
boom, they take off, right?
Yeah, they leave the
country, they disappear.
Very time-consuming to find them.
More than you would think.
- I bet, I bet.
- But the two of you...
you steal half a million
dollars from my stash house,
and not only do you not run,
but you spend every last
cent in the exact place
in which you found it?
Who does that?
And I should be so fucking
mad at you right now.
My fucking money.
But the cajones that it takes
to pull something like this off...
I... my mind is blown
right now. It is blown.
Oh, my goodness... I'm gonna be
telling this story at parties forever.
It's gonna outlive you two...
by a lot.
- Oh...
- (SHUDDERING INHALE)
You'll be long dead
when I tell the story.
(LAUGHS): Fantastic.
(LOUD WHIRRING)
Marco, I'm trying
to enjoy my wine, man. What the fuck?
Just turn that shit off, please?
You can't, boss.
That's what's amazing.
- It never stops sucking.
- Yeah.
What is this?
It's the SwissVac
central vacuuming system.
It... it gives 24-7 cleaning power.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
(STAMMERS) Walk me through this.
So how much was the SwissVac?
$3,400.
Oh, wow.
Oh, and... and... and the wine opener?
How much is that?
$900 with installation.
Ooh, Spendy McSpenderson.
I hear that it's a lot
when I say it out loud.
DIEGO: Yeah, that's a lot of money.
Fuck it, let's just ask.
How about that computer system?
15,000 American dollars.
That is an expensive
computer system, my friend.
But you know what, I...
at least I can see where my money went.
You know, I appreciate that.
(CLICKS TONGUE) It's a shame.
Shame, shame, shame,
shame, shame, shame, shame.
Okay.
Javi, go get the shovels.
Marco, help me bury these two
(SPEAKS SPANISH) in the fucking ground.
- No! Wait, no...
- Wha..? No. Uh, but...
(BOTH CLAMORING)
No, no, no! Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait!
Wait! Okay, just a second!
You have to kill us, all right?
We accept that.
We stole from you and we have to pay.
But please listen
and understand that this...
this is our life's work.
This is our dream.
And, and if you kill us now,
you'll be robbing the
world of-of our vision.
And we'll never know if our
dreams were worth dying for.
So, please, I beg of you!
Before you put us in the ground,
just do one thing, please?
I need you to be the eyes
and ears of the world.
Watch our sizzle reel
and tell us what you think.
Well?
Just press the space bar.
Hey, y'all! I'm Cricket!
And I'm Jann, and welcome to
BOTH: Flip It and Gone
with Cricket and Jann!
We are here in the
beautiful California desert
for the challenge of our artistic lives.
We'll try to transform this
hopeless, historic hovel...
Into a diamond-encrusted
desert delight, ah...
Okay, I have to say it: you
two are very charismatic.
You know, it's very engaging.
CRICKET (ON TV): Jann and I agree
on almost everything.
Emphasis on "almost."
(BOTH LAUGHING)
But one feature about this renovation
really put us on the ropes.
This one wanted a
wood-burning pizza oven.
Guilty.
Now, Cricket chose a model that
would have dominated the kitchen space.
Also, it puts out about 1,200 degrees
of heat and would have made
the house unbearably hot.
Well, yeah, but... pizza!
(BOTH LAUGH)
I knew she wasn't gonna budge,
so it was time for a compromise.
This smarty-pants had
a much smaller version
handcrafted from Italy to fit our space.
- (OVEN DINGS)
- Pizza's done.
Ah...
Mmm.
Now, that smells like compromise.
Yeah, and that is about as much
pizza as I ever eat, anyway.
You know, it's so sensible.
- (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
- When I'm watching sports
and listening to rock and roll,
I need state-of-the-art sound!
So we installed a 1,000-watt
surround sound system
throughout the whole house.
Now, excuse me while
I get my air guitar on.
Can I hook up that system to my Xbox?
You'd need an HDMI
adapter, but sure, yeah.
- (SPEAKS SPANISH)
- Excuse me,
- do you mind?
- So... sorry.
Okay, thank you so much.
A front yard water feature
was a must-have, but we
couldn't find anything
that got us excited.
And we looked forever.
But then, on one of his frequent
research trips to Palm Springs,
Jann found something that
rounded out our vision
for this property perfectly.
I saw this, and it was
all I could think about.
I just knew this feature
would amp up curb appeal
and be a focal point for neighbors
and prospective buyers.
We hope you love this
little desert Shangri-la.
We found so much joy
in manifesting your next dream home.
And thanks to Home Renovation TV
for this opportunity.
We hope you love us
as much as we love you.
See you in your fall lineup.
She's Cricket.
He's Jann.
We flipped it.
BOTH: And now we're gone.
It is very, very good.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Thank... thank you...
(MUFFLED SHOUT)