Flight of the Conchords (2007–2009): Season 1, Episode 2 - Bret Gives Up the Dream - full transcript
Good news, man.
Got some groceries.
- Really?
- Yeah, I got some good stuff.
Think you'll
like that.
- A sandwich?
- Yeah.
That looks good.
- Some jam looks good.
- Mmm.
That looks quite
good as well.
This is great.
How did you afford this?
Um, oh it was free.
- Free?
- Yeah.
- How come it was free?
- Eh?
I found it.
It was on the street.
Someone didn't want it.
What are you doing, man?
That's a good sandwich.
I was gonna spit it out,
but I think I'll just eat it.
We're poor, man.
We are poor, aren't we?
# Inner-city life,
inner-city pressure #
# The concrete world
is starting to get ya #
# The city is alive,
the city is expanding #
# Living in the city
can be demanding #
# You've pawned everything,
everything you own #
# Your toothbrush jar
and a camera phone #
# You don't know where you're going,
you cross the street #
# You don't know why you did,
you walk back across the street #
# Standing in the sitting
room totally skint #
# And your favorite jersey
is covered in lint #
# You want to sit down
but you've sold your chair #
# So you...
you just stand there #
# You just stand there #
# Just stand there! #
# Inner...
inner-city #
# Inner-city pressure #
# Inner-city pressure #
# Counting coins on
the counter of the Seven-11 #
# From a quarter past 6:00
to a quarter to 7:00 #
# The manager, Bevan,
starts to abuse me #
# Hey, man,
I just want some muesli #
# Neon signs,
hidden messages #
# Questions, answers,
fetishes #
# You know you're not
in high finance #
# Considering
secondhand underpants #
# Check your mind,
how'd it get so bad? #
# What happened to those
other underpants you had? #
# Look in your pockets,
haven't found a cent yet #
- # Landlord's on your balls #
- # Have you paid your rent yet? #
# Inner...
inner-city #
# Inner-city pressure #
# Inner-city pressure #
# Inner...
inner-city #
# Inner-city pressure #
# Inner-city pressure #
# So you think maybe
you'll be a prostitute #
# Just to pay for your lessons,
you're learning the flute #
# Ladies wouldn't pay you
very much for this #
# Looks like you'll never
be a concert flautist #
# You don't measure up
to the expectation #
# When you're unemployed
there's no vacation #
# No one cares,
no one sympathizes #
# You just stay home
and play synthesizers #
# Inner-city pressure #
# Inner-city pressure #
# Inner...
inner-city #
# Inner-city pressure #
# Inner-city pressure #
# Inner...
inner-city #
# Inner-city pressure #
# Inner-city pressure. #
- Murray.
- Oh, guys.
What are you doing here?
This is not a scheduled band meeting.
Are you busy?
I'm just reading about
the old toothbrush fence.
50 brushes now.
Pretty impressive, huh?
Murray,
we need some money.
Okay.
How much?
I got about
$4 in here.
$4?
I thought we had $10?
This box cost $6.
- What was wrong with the bag?
- The bag was useless, Bret.
It had a great
big hole in it.
Must have lost about
$20 out of that bag.
It's the box now.
Do you like it?
I chose it.
Well, can we have
the $4?
Well, there'll be
nothing in the box.
Here's the $4.
I got 27 ? here.
Yeah.
That's it.
That's the lot of it.
Actually, I'm owed
12% of that.
Hang on,
let's have a look.
Okay, 51.24 cents.
- We can't even divide...
- Just leave it.
- You take it all.
- Maybe a quarter.
Look, I tell you what,
I feel bad.
I haven't got you paid gigs for a while.
Here you go.
Take this.
$50.
You can't give us
your own money.
Well, yeah, you're right.
It is my last $50.
Till Thursday, I mean,
you know.
- Getting paid again, but...
- Have we sold any T-shirts?
- Two.
- What about mousepads?
- No.
- Haven't sold any mousepads?
I told you...
terrible idea.
I don't know what
to do with them.
I've got so many mousepads at home
because of your bad idea, Bret.
What do you do
with mousepads?
I've lined Toby's kennel with them.
He keeps eating them.
I tried to waterproof
the kitchen.
Well, we need
some cash.
Maybe you guys should think about
supplementing your band income
by getting another job,
like I do with this job.
Murray, the prime
minister's office
wants to talk to you about the World
Trade Expo next week.
Can you tell them I'll
ring them straight back?
I've just got a couple
of businessmen here.
Everybody knows you manage a band
during office hours, Murray.
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, Greg.
I wear that T-shirt
all the time.
Greg, we've still got
mousepads, actually.
No thanks, Murray.
See? Hopeless.
The job is you have to hold up this sign
and you have to make sure
it points in
the right direction.
Now, does that sound like
something you can do?
Sounds like something
a lamppost could do.
- That's all.
- You know what?
You're sign material.
This guy overthinks things.
Okay? You can't
overthink in this business.
You cannot.
What if a wind comes
and blows it away?
You ever think of that,
Enrico Fermi?
Oh we can hold it.
It won't be a problem.
You have
the right attitude.
You have what
I like to call...
the wrong attitude.
# All the hotties
at the party #
# Shaking all of
your booties #
# Yeah. #
Jemaine, I need to
go to sleep now.
Bret, do you think it should be,
"Shake their booties, yeah,"
or "Shake
their boobies, yeah"?
'Cause when I think
of shake your booties,
I think of those little
boots that babies wear.
You know, those little
woolen boots that they wear.
You know, babies wear those
little woolen boots.
- Yeah.
- Like shake your booties.
I don't know, man.
I've got work in the morning.
I need to go to sleep.
I can't believe you got
that job and I didn't.
You need to work
on your people skills.
Yeah, shut up, Bret.
- Hey, man.
- Oh, hey, Bret.
I bought the chairs
back off of Dave.
You're kind of late
for band practice.
Sorry, man, we had
some after work drinks with Eddie.
Yeah, well you could have
told me, so...
Should we do
some more practice?
Bret, it's 7:00. I've been practicing
for four hours.
Well, what are you
doing now?
Well, it's
my free time now.
I'm gonna do some
of my leisure activities.
I'm gonna sit down
over there for a bit
and then I'm gonna do
some light reading.
Well, if it's your free time,
let's do some more practice.
You could have practiced too,
if you were here,
but you weren't,
so sorry.
- What are you doing?
- I'm just, you know,
sitting down.
It's my free time.
I can do whatever I like.
This is what I like to do.
- Hello, Bret.
- What are you guys doing here?
- Emergency band meeting.
- I'm working. This is my work.
You're not working,
you're just holding a sign.
- Public foot path.
- This is my work. Get out of here.
Come on,
band meeting.
- Bret.
- Present.
- Jemaine.
- Present.
Murray, present.
And good news anyway. The Trade
and Migrant Expo, it's been okayed.
New Zealand wants you to
be in their stall.
What's the Trade
and Migrant Expo?
Well, they're stalls from all the
different countries of the world.
And the Australians, as
always, have got their stall
right next to
the New Zealand stall.
But this year,
with you guys playing,
we're gonna blow those Aussies
out of the water. I can't wait.
Bloody showoffs.
- When is that?
- Uh, Thursday 3:00 P.M.
No, I can't go.
I've got work.
- I finish at 2:00. I don't know.
- You got to go, it's a gig.
What's more important?
The band or your job?
Yeah well, I got the job
'cause we didn't have any gigs.
How can I give you a gig
if you've got this job?
Yeah, but that's why I got the job...
'cause there were no gigs.
Well, I can't get you a gig if you're
gonna always go and do a job.
Yeah, but that's... I needed the job
'cause there were no gigs.
Well, I've got you a gig,
so what's with the job?
Yeah, but that's...
that the thing. I got the job
because there were
no gigs, man.
It's a chicken-egg
situation.
What do you mean? What's...
what's he mean, chicken?
Well you know, "What came first,
the chicken or the egg?"
That's irrelevant,
isn't it?
It's stupid.
The chicken, obviously.
Well, where did
the chicken come from?
Well, it came from the...
- Oh.
- You see, the egg.
You're the egg. You're a bad egg,
all right?
You've derailed this meeting
with another obscure comment.
Well, I could just record
my part on tape, I guess,
and Jemaine
could play along.
Tape?
A cassette tape?
No, you can't
do that, Bret.
I'm not happy
with that.
Those hot dogs
any good?
- Yeah, they're good.
- How much?
- $2.
- How many sauces?
Two.
You'd expect three sauces
for that, wouldn't you?
I got to get back
to work, guys.
And folks, please,
I'm sorry about the particles.
Don't breathe 'em in.
We don't know what they are.
I would suggest quick, short breaths.
Now, Georgina, I'm gonna
give you "Jewelry Sale," okay?
I'm gonna put you at
Broadway and Canal.
Now this is
basic stuff, okay?
You know this.
Bret, I'm gonna give you
something a little harder.
All right?
"Men's Suits."
Okay?
Now, Matthew,
I want you to hold
the sign just like Bret.
- Bret, how are you holding it?
- I'm just holding it.
Exactly... just holding.
Coco, you're late.
Actually, Bret,
you know what?
I'm gonna give you
"Phones," all right?
I want you to show
Coco the ropes.
Coco, this is Bret.
All right, everybody,
really look alive
out there.
This could be
a launching pad for you.
People who hold
signs go on
to hold many things.
I'm in a band.
Cool.
What's your name again?
- Bret.
- Brit?
Bret.
- Brit?
- Bret.
Brit like...
like Brittany?
Ah, no,
B-R-E-T.
- Oh, Bret.
- Yeah.
It just sounds
like Brit.
I like your
English accent.
- New Zealand.
- Oh, from New Zealand.
- Yeah.
- I hear it's beautiful.
There's Vikings there,
right?
Eh, yeah.
I had a friend who
went there, she loved it.
She's a... she's a big
"Lord of the Rings" fan.
Oh my God.
She's so hot.
She's so flippin' hot.
She's like a curry.
I want to tell her how hot she is
but she'll think I'm being sexist.
She's so hot
she's making me sexist.
Bitch.
I think I need a 1983
Casio DG-20 electric guitar
set to electric mandolin.
Some drums.
Yeah.
Hear me now!
# I see you with the sign, I wanna boom
like it's never been done #
# Bust moves like
the click boom of a gun #
# My feet stay locked
and my eyes are zooming #
# My feet start tweaking
and my body's booming #
# The first day of boom
and the flowers are blooming #
# Bootie-boom bass
and the party is booming #
# Boom-ba-boom like a rocket
taking off to the moon #
# Boom boom like
a bride and a boom-a #
# I see you shaking
that boom boom #
# See you looking at my boom boom #
# See you want some
boom boom #
# It's clear, it's boom time,
boom boom #
# Let me buy you
a boom boom #
# You order
a fancy boom #
# You like boom
and I like boom #
# Enough small boom,
let's boom the boom-a #
Fast forward selector!
# Now we're rolling on
a boom boom #
# I ride into a more
private boom #
# And we both watch boom
and we both assume #
# We're gonna boom boom boom
till the break of boom-a #
- # Who's the boom king? #
- # Who? #
- # I'm the boom king #
- # What? #
- # Who's the boom king? #
- # Tell me now #
- # I'm the boom king #
- # He's the boom king #
# My phone is beeping,
it's me boom boom #
# He's back from 10 years
doom and gloom #
# He said he had his boom
chopped off in the boom #
# But the crazy boom
still loves to boom-a #
# Unzip the boom
and my legs go zoom #
# And you big boom drops,
ba-doop-a-boom boom #
# We both get freaky
and my boom gets leaky #
# Then we boom boom boom
boom boom boom boom #
# Who's the boom king? #
- # Who? #
- # I'm the boom king #
- # What? #
- # Who's the boom king? #
- # Ha! #
- # I'm the boom king #
# Bret's the boom king. #
Come to New Zealand.
Beautiful scenery.
It's like
"Lord of the Rings."
We've got
interesting attractions...
a toothbrush fence.
Imagine that, a whole fence
made out of toothbrushes.
Over 50 toothbrushes.
Bungee jumping.
You like bungee jumping, sir?
New Zealand.
New Zealand.
Yeah, keep...
hold onto that.
Cheer up, Greg.
Jemaine...
Where's Bret?
Is there any sign of him?
I'm running out of
attractions.
No.
L... I don't know
where he is.
Well, tuck your shirt in.
You look messy.
Try and be proud
of New Zealand.
Oh no.
Hey, Murray.
- How you doing?
- Maxwell, good.
- Stall looks great.
- Thanks.
This fence of toothbrushes
sounds fascinating.
Probably haven't got one
in Australia, have you?
- No.
- No.
Got Ayer's Rock, mate.
Big huge rock.
- Yeah, we've got rocks.
- Massive.
We've got a big...
smaller rocks.
When's this band of yours playing?
Can't wait to hear it.
Pretty soon. We're just waiting
for the rest of the band to turn up.
Right. Just 'cause we've got the
Wet N' Wild Welcome Girls
doing their bikini
barbeque thing
and the music's
gonna be pumping.
I don't want to
drown out your... band.
- Better start soon.
- Check, check one two.
Check one two.
Checking one two, one...
We'd better just start.
Forget Bret.
G'day.
G'day, one two...
I have to rewind it.
Is this your band, Murray?
A guy and a tape?
Classic.
- Press play.
- I'm trying, man.
- Drop the beat.
- One two three four.
# All the hotties at
the party feeling naughty #
# Shake your boobies, yeah #
# Who likes to rock
the party? #
# All the ladies
with the babies #
# Make your babies shake
their booties yeah #
# Who likes to
rock the party? #
# Who likes to
rock the party? #
# Who likes to rock
the party? #
# Who likes to
rock the party? #
# Who likes to
rock the party? #
# Who likes to rock
the party? #
# I like to
rock the party #
# New Zealand likes to
rock the party. #
Yeah! All right.
- Awesome.
- Yes!
- That was awesome, Jemaine.
- Thank you.
Blew the Aussies right out of the water.
The tape was great.
Oh no.
Oh come on!
Guys.
Hey, sorry
I'm late, guys.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Have you done the gig?
- Yes, Bret.
Oh, I'm sorry.
It took me ages to get here.
- Well the tape was on time.
- Good. How'd it sound?
- It was all right?
- Good.
- Really good, actually, yeah.
- Okay.
There's very little difference
between you and the tape, I noticed.
- Oh whatever, Murray.
- And it doesn't talk back.
Yeah, but the tape's lifeless, isn't it?
It's a tape.
It's not like having a real musician
up there, is it? Hey, Jemaine?
I didn't really
notice the difference.
The difference is the tape didn't
let us down, all right?
It made it,
it played well.
And the more I think about it,
the more I like it.
I've got a right mind to
actually fire you, Bret,
and just keep Jemaine
and the tape.
- Aw, yeah, you're bluffing, Murray.
- I'm not bluffing.
- Yes you are.
- I'm not!
- Yes you are.
- He is.
He is. He told me he
was going to pretend
to fire you
if you were late.
Good one.
Yeah, I was going to.
- So you were bluffing?
- Yeah, but I'm not now.
This is the whole...
I've turned around.
I'm afraid to say, Bret,
that you are...
you got the...
check the tape?
Yep.
- What, are you serious?
- You're fired.
And both of you...
I'm not giving you a lift home.
- Oh, why me?
- No, 'cause you ruined my bluff.
The whole bluff thing.
Goodbye, Bret.
There's other attractions.
Check out the Indian one.
Thank for giving us a ride,
Mel and Doug.
Anytime.
Hey, Bret, are you...
are you all right?
I noticed you weren't onstage
and there was a tape and...
Yeah, I'm not in
the band anymore, Mel.
Murray just fired me.
What do you mean,
you're not in the band?
Did you hear that, Doug?
Yeah.
It's terrible.
It is terrible, Doug.
It's terrible!
My God.
Can Murray do that?
- No.
- Yeah.
Well, all your fans are
gonna be devastated.
- There's just you, Mel.
- Yeah.
- Well, thank you.
- Yeah.
What are you
gonna do, Bret?
- What... I mean...
- Well...
I guess just
concentrate on my job...
holding signs.
It's going pretty well.
Oh yeah,
I've seen you.
I've seen you
a lot.
You really know how
to move that sign.
You just manipulate it and caress it
with your skillful hands.
Thank you very much, Mel.
Yeah, thank you.
You're welcome.
You were good
tonight, Jemaine.
Oh thank you, Mel.
Way better than those Australian girls
in their bikinis.
- I didn't like them.
- Oh, I liked them.
- I hated them.
- Mmm.
So is it just gonna be
you and the tape for a bit?
Yeah, actually we've got a...
we've got a gig.
- Oh, you got a gig?
- What, a real gig?
Yeah... yeah, uh...
a guy... a guy saw us
and wants to book us.
Well, I'll be there.
You bet your ass
I'll be there.
I'll be at every one.
Oh, man.
The car could just
burst into flames right now
and this would be the way
to go, huh, guys? Just...
Just here, thanks, Doug.
- What?
- Where?
- Here?
- Anywhere.
This was
a good day, yeah.
Okay, so how else is
the tape better than Bret?
More compact.
Bret's pretty
compact, though.
I can carry the tape.
Just carry it around with me.
You could carry Bret.
How much can you press?
Not to a gig. I couldn't
carry him to a gig.
I can just put this
into my pocket
and just carry it
to a gig.
- More compact.
- Mmm.
That'll save money
on subway fares, too.
- Do you miss Bret, though?
- Not really.
- You don't miss him?
- No.
- No?
- No.
You miss him?
- A little bit.
- A little bit, eh?
I miss him. I might
put that down as a...
- Yeah, put "miss him."
...as a thing.
Yeah.
Well, no matter
which way you look at it,
the tape's still winning.
- Make sure you don't lose it.
- I won't.
Don't stand next to
any big magnets.
Why would I stand next to
big magnets, Murray?
I don't know what you do
in your personal life.
So that's it.
You've got the tape,
haven't you?
- Yeah, I got the tape.
- Let's see it.
I got the tape,
I told you.
- Let's have a look.
- I've got it in my pocket.
I just want to see it.
Oh, careful!
Now look what you've done.
- It's caught on my zipper.
- Yeah, leave it.
- Leave it, careful.
- It's all right.
- It's just caught on my zipper.
- Wait, it's all right.
I've got a trick here...
from the '80s, look.
Mmm.
Does this mean I'm not
in a band anymore?
I'm afraid not, Jemaine.
Greg, could we get a couple
of tissues in here?
Greg?
Chin up, Jemaine.
Actually, don't
worry about it.
You don't want to see
two grown men crying.
Go away, Greg.
Yeah.
Sue them.
Just sue them.
Oh... oh,
I got to go.
Hey, man.
Hey, Bret.
What's that thing
in your ear?
It's my
Bluetooth brand.
Everyone has 'em around here.
It's a business thing.
You don't know
what it is, do you?
- Not really. Do you know what it is?
- No.
I think you use it
with the phone.
Oh right, I see.
Oh yeah yeah,
I see.
- Yeah yeah, that makes sense.
- Hey, Bret?
I'm thinking of getting
the band back together.
- Oh really?
- Yeah.
I thought you were doing
pretty well with the tape.
The tape's no replacement
for you, man.
- Really?
- No, it broke.
What about it?
The original lineup...
you, me...
- You and me.
- I don't know, man.
Look at me.
I've changed.
I've grown up. I've got a job.
I've got a career.
I drink coffee now.
Oh God, yuck.
I just don't... I don't know if I can
do it anymore.
I don't even know what
you're talking about, man.
- Just join the band.
- No, I'm not joining the band.
- Join the band.
- I'm not joining the band.
- Join the band.
- No.
Free phones.
You've given up
the dream, Bret!
I've woken up.
I'll see you
at home.
Okay, man.
Can you grab some milk?
Yeah, well I'll see
what I can do.
Yeah. I've got a 5:00
and a 6:00.
I'll pencil
you in.
Okay, yeah.
7.3. All right.
Bye.
Hey, man.
Hey.
What's that?
Hamburger.
Looks amazing.
Are... are you
finished with that?
- I haven't started.
- Oh.
Do you want to
join the band?
No.
What is that?
How's the band going?
Oh, I'm not in
the band anymore.
- I had to quit.
- Really?
Yeah.
They wanted me back
but I'm just
concentrating on signs
and my career and
everything, you know?
Are you gonna start
another band?
No.
Probably not.
Bigger and
better things.
Signs?
Yeah.
I thought you
loved signs?
- Signs are okay.
- Yeah.
I prefer bands.
- You prefer bands?
- Yeah, I love bands.
Oh you... really?
You just never...
Oh.
I'll see you later, Bret?
Cool, yeah.
I'm back in the band.
I'm back in
the band!
I'm back in the band.
Hey, back in the band!
Back in the band!
Back in the band.
Put the cat down.
We can't afford it.
I'm back in the band.
Back in the band!
Back in the band!
It's been a very
difficult decision,
because many of you are
very talented, all right?
- Some of you are too talented.
- Hey.
Josh, is it?
In the back there.
High scores but a little arrogant,
all right?
But it's not
about talent.
Okay? It's about
the look.
That's why we've decided
to give the job to Brent.
All right, well done.
It's not about talent, as I say.
You're not
the talented one.
But you do look
very similar.
And with one
letter difference,
it's quite easy to just
do the transition there.
Hang on.
Bret, is that you?
What are you doing here?
You have no business here.
I wanted to get
back in the band.
Well, if you'd turned up
half an hour ago
you could have been
at the audition. It's too late.
- Brent's in the band.
- What about your job?
Well, Eddie says I can make the job fit
around the gigs. So...
He wants to support the band as much
as possible, actually.
He made us this sign.
Wow.
"Hot Dogs."
OH, NO THAT ONE.
THAT ONE.
Oh wow,
that's fantastic.
It's really great.
You know, Jemaine
really missed you.
- No I didn't.
- You did.
No I didn't.
- You did.
- You... you did.
- No, you're like...
- He did.
No, a little bit.
You could see
that you were...
Both... we both
missed you.
Oh, um,
sorry everyone.
Ah, bad news, guys.
This is Bret. He's gonna take
the position.
So, yeah,
that's it, I guess.
- What about Brent?
- Yeah, Brent, um...
sorry. Uh, we'll
keep your number on file.
The rest of you,
thanks a lot.
Have a good day.
And yeah, welcome back, Bret!
Got some groceries.
- Really?
- Yeah, I got some good stuff.
Think you'll
like that.
- A sandwich?
- Yeah.
That looks good.
- Some jam looks good.
- Mmm.
That looks quite
good as well.
This is great.
How did you afford this?
Um, oh it was free.
- Free?
- Yeah.
- How come it was free?
- Eh?
I found it.
It was on the street.
Someone didn't want it.
What are you doing, man?
That's a good sandwich.
I was gonna spit it out,
but I think I'll just eat it.
We're poor, man.
We are poor, aren't we?
# Inner-city life,
inner-city pressure #
# The concrete world
is starting to get ya #
# The city is alive,
the city is expanding #
# Living in the city
can be demanding #
# You've pawned everything,
everything you own #
# Your toothbrush jar
and a camera phone #
# You don't know where you're going,
you cross the street #
# You don't know why you did,
you walk back across the street #
# Standing in the sitting
room totally skint #
# And your favorite jersey
is covered in lint #
# You want to sit down
but you've sold your chair #
# So you...
you just stand there #
# You just stand there #
# Just stand there! #
# Inner...
inner-city #
# Inner-city pressure #
# Inner-city pressure #
# Counting coins on
the counter of the Seven-11 #
# From a quarter past 6:00
to a quarter to 7:00 #
# The manager, Bevan,
starts to abuse me #
# Hey, man,
I just want some muesli #
# Neon signs,
hidden messages #
# Questions, answers,
fetishes #
# You know you're not
in high finance #
# Considering
secondhand underpants #
# Check your mind,
how'd it get so bad? #
# What happened to those
other underpants you had? #
# Look in your pockets,
haven't found a cent yet #
- # Landlord's on your balls #
- # Have you paid your rent yet? #
# Inner...
inner-city #
# Inner-city pressure #
# Inner-city pressure #
# Inner...
inner-city #
# Inner-city pressure #
# Inner-city pressure #
# So you think maybe
you'll be a prostitute #
# Just to pay for your lessons,
you're learning the flute #
# Ladies wouldn't pay you
very much for this #
# Looks like you'll never
be a concert flautist #
# You don't measure up
to the expectation #
# When you're unemployed
there's no vacation #
# No one cares,
no one sympathizes #
# You just stay home
and play synthesizers #
# Inner-city pressure #
# Inner-city pressure #
# Inner...
inner-city #
# Inner-city pressure #
# Inner-city pressure #
# Inner...
inner-city #
# Inner-city pressure #
# Inner-city pressure. #
- Murray.
- Oh, guys.
What are you doing here?
This is not a scheduled band meeting.
Are you busy?
I'm just reading about
the old toothbrush fence.
50 brushes now.
Pretty impressive, huh?
Murray,
we need some money.
Okay.
How much?
I got about
$4 in here.
$4?
I thought we had $10?
This box cost $6.
- What was wrong with the bag?
- The bag was useless, Bret.
It had a great
big hole in it.
Must have lost about
$20 out of that bag.
It's the box now.
Do you like it?
I chose it.
Well, can we have
the $4?
Well, there'll be
nothing in the box.
Here's the $4.
I got 27 ? here.
Yeah.
That's it.
That's the lot of it.
Actually, I'm owed
12% of that.
Hang on,
let's have a look.
Okay, 51.24 cents.
- We can't even divide...
- Just leave it.
- You take it all.
- Maybe a quarter.
Look, I tell you what,
I feel bad.
I haven't got you paid gigs for a while.
Here you go.
Take this.
$50.
You can't give us
your own money.
Well, yeah, you're right.
It is my last $50.
Till Thursday, I mean,
you know.
- Getting paid again, but...
- Have we sold any T-shirts?
- Two.
- What about mousepads?
- No.
- Haven't sold any mousepads?
I told you...
terrible idea.
I don't know what
to do with them.
I've got so many mousepads at home
because of your bad idea, Bret.
What do you do
with mousepads?
I've lined Toby's kennel with them.
He keeps eating them.
I tried to waterproof
the kitchen.
Well, we need
some cash.
Maybe you guys should think about
supplementing your band income
by getting another job,
like I do with this job.
Murray, the prime
minister's office
wants to talk to you about the World
Trade Expo next week.
Can you tell them I'll
ring them straight back?
I've just got a couple
of businessmen here.
Everybody knows you manage a band
during office hours, Murray.
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, Greg.
I wear that T-shirt
all the time.
Greg, we've still got
mousepads, actually.
No thanks, Murray.
See? Hopeless.
The job is you have to hold up this sign
and you have to make sure
it points in
the right direction.
Now, does that sound like
something you can do?
Sounds like something
a lamppost could do.
- That's all.
- You know what?
You're sign material.
This guy overthinks things.
Okay? You can't
overthink in this business.
You cannot.
What if a wind comes
and blows it away?
You ever think of that,
Enrico Fermi?
Oh we can hold it.
It won't be a problem.
You have
the right attitude.
You have what
I like to call...
the wrong attitude.
# All the hotties
at the party #
# Shaking all of
your booties #
# Yeah. #
Jemaine, I need to
go to sleep now.
Bret, do you think it should be,
"Shake their booties, yeah,"
or "Shake
their boobies, yeah"?
'Cause when I think
of shake your booties,
I think of those little
boots that babies wear.
You know, those little
woolen boots that they wear.
You know, babies wear those
little woolen boots.
- Yeah.
- Like shake your booties.
I don't know, man.
I've got work in the morning.
I need to go to sleep.
I can't believe you got
that job and I didn't.
You need to work
on your people skills.
Yeah, shut up, Bret.
- Hey, man.
- Oh, hey, Bret.
I bought the chairs
back off of Dave.
You're kind of late
for band practice.
Sorry, man, we had
some after work drinks with Eddie.
Yeah, well you could have
told me, so...
Should we do
some more practice?
Bret, it's 7:00. I've been practicing
for four hours.
Well, what are you
doing now?
Well, it's
my free time now.
I'm gonna do some
of my leisure activities.
I'm gonna sit down
over there for a bit
and then I'm gonna do
some light reading.
Well, if it's your free time,
let's do some more practice.
You could have practiced too,
if you were here,
but you weren't,
so sorry.
- What are you doing?
- I'm just, you know,
sitting down.
It's my free time.
I can do whatever I like.
This is what I like to do.
- Hello, Bret.
- What are you guys doing here?
- Emergency band meeting.
- I'm working. This is my work.
You're not working,
you're just holding a sign.
- Public foot path.
- This is my work. Get out of here.
Come on,
band meeting.
- Bret.
- Present.
- Jemaine.
- Present.
Murray, present.
And good news anyway. The Trade
and Migrant Expo, it's been okayed.
New Zealand wants you to
be in their stall.
What's the Trade
and Migrant Expo?
Well, they're stalls from all the
different countries of the world.
And the Australians, as
always, have got their stall
right next to
the New Zealand stall.
But this year,
with you guys playing,
we're gonna blow those Aussies
out of the water. I can't wait.
Bloody showoffs.
- When is that?
- Uh, Thursday 3:00 P.M.
No, I can't go.
I've got work.
- I finish at 2:00. I don't know.
- You got to go, it's a gig.
What's more important?
The band or your job?
Yeah well, I got the job
'cause we didn't have any gigs.
How can I give you a gig
if you've got this job?
Yeah, but that's why I got the job...
'cause there were no gigs.
Well, I can't get you a gig if you're
gonna always go and do a job.
Yeah, but that's... I needed the job
'cause there were no gigs.
Well, I've got you a gig,
so what's with the job?
Yeah, but that's...
that the thing. I got the job
because there were
no gigs, man.
It's a chicken-egg
situation.
What do you mean? What's...
what's he mean, chicken?
Well you know, "What came first,
the chicken or the egg?"
That's irrelevant,
isn't it?
It's stupid.
The chicken, obviously.
Well, where did
the chicken come from?
Well, it came from the...
- Oh.
- You see, the egg.
You're the egg. You're a bad egg,
all right?
You've derailed this meeting
with another obscure comment.
Well, I could just record
my part on tape, I guess,
and Jemaine
could play along.
Tape?
A cassette tape?
No, you can't
do that, Bret.
I'm not happy
with that.
Those hot dogs
any good?
- Yeah, they're good.
- How much?
- $2.
- How many sauces?
Two.
You'd expect three sauces
for that, wouldn't you?
I got to get back
to work, guys.
And folks, please,
I'm sorry about the particles.
Don't breathe 'em in.
We don't know what they are.
I would suggest quick, short breaths.
Now, Georgina, I'm gonna
give you "Jewelry Sale," okay?
I'm gonna put you at
Broadway and Canal.
Now this is
basic stuff, okay?
You know this.
Bret, I'm gonna give you
something a little harder.
All right?
"Men's Suits."
Okay?
Now, Matthew,
I want you to hold
the sign just like Bret.
- Bret, how are you holding it?
- I'm just holding it.
Exactly... just holding.
Coco, you're late.
Actually, Bret,
you know what?
I'm gonna give you
"Phones," all right?
I want you to show
Coco the ropes.
Coco, this is Bret.
All right, everybody,
really look alive
out there.
This could be
a launching pad for you.
People who hold
signs go on
to hold many things.
I'm in a band.
Cool.
What's your name again?
- Bret.
- Brit?
Bret.
- Brit?
- Bret.
Brit like...
like Brittany?
Ah, no,
B-R-E-T.
- Oh, Bret.
- Yeah.
It just sounds
like Brit.
I like your
English accent.
- New Zealand.
- Oh, from New Zealand.
- Yeah.
- I hear it's beautiful.
There's Vikings there,
right?
Eh, yeah.
I had a friend who
went there, she loved it.
She's a... she's a big
"Lord of the Rings" fan.
Oh my God.
She's so hot.
She's so flippin' hot.
She's like a curry.
I want to tell her how hot she is
but she'll think I'm being sexist.
She's so hot
she's making me sexist.
Bitch.
I think I need a 1983
Casio DG-20 electric guitar
set to electric mandolin.
Some drums.
Yeah.
Hear me now!
# I see you with the sign, I wanna boom
like it's never been done #
# Bust moves like
the click boom of a gun #
# My feet stay locked
and my eyes are zooming #
# My feet start tweaking
and my body's booming #
# The first day of boom
and the flowers are blooming #
# Bootie-boom bass
and the party is booming #
# Boom-ba-boom like a rocket
taking off to the moon #
# Boom boom like
a bride and a boom-a #
# I see you shaking
that boom boom #
# See you looking at my boom boom #
# See you want some
boom boom #
# It's clear, it's boom time,
boom boom #
# Let me buy you
a boom boom #
# You order
a fancy boom #
# You like boom
and I like boom #
# Enough small boom,
let's boom the boom-a #
Fast forward selector!
# Now we're rolling on
a boom boom #
# I ride into a more
private boom #
# And we both watch boom
and we both assume #
# We're gonna boom boom boom
till the break of boom-a #
- # Who's the boom king? #
- # Who? #
- # I'm the boom king #
- # What? #
- # Who's the boom king? #
- # Tell me now #
- # I'm the boom king #
- # He's the boom king #
# My phone is beeping,
it's me boom boom #
# He's back from 10 years
doom and gloom #
# He said he had his boom
chopped off in the boom #
# But the crazy boom
still loves to boom-a #
# Unzip the boom
and my legs go zoom #
# And you big boom drops,
ba-doop-a-boom boom #
# We both get freaky
and my boom gets leaky #
# Then we boom boom boom
boom boom boom boom #
# Who's the boom king? #
- # Who? #
- # I'm the boom king #
- # What? #
- # Who's the boom king? #
- # Ha! #
- # I'm the boom king #
# Bret's the boom king. #
Come to New Zealand.
Beautiful scenery.
It's like
"Lord of the Rings."
We've got
interesting attractions...
a toothbrush fence.
Imagine that, a whole fence
made out of toothbrushes.
Over 50 toothbrushes.
Bungee jumping.
You like bungee jumping, sir?
New Zealand.
New Zealand.
Yeah, keep...
hold onto that.
Cheer up, Greg.
Jemaine...
Where's Bret?
Is there any sign of him?
I'm running out of
attractions.
No.
L... I don't know
where he is.
Well, tuck your shirt in.
You look messy.
Try and be proud
of New Zealand.
Oh no.
Hey, Murray.
- How you doing?
- Maxwell, good.
- Stall looks great.
- Thanks.
This fence of toothbrushes
sounds fascinating.
Probably haven't got one
in Australia, have you?
- No.
- No.
Got Ayer's Rock, mate.
Big huge rock.
- Yeah, we've got rocks.
- Massive.
We've got a big...
smaller rocks.
When's this band of yours playing?
Can't wait to hear it.
Pretty soon. We're just waiting
for the rest of the band to turn up.
Right. Just 'cause we've got the
Wet N' Wild Welcome Girls
doing their bikini
barbeque thing
and the music's
gonna be pumping.
I don't want to
drown out your... band.
- Better start soon.
- Check, check one two.
Check one two.
Checking one two, one...
We'd better just start.
Forget Bret.
G'day.
G'day, one two...
I have to rewind it.
Is this your band, Murray?
A guy and a tape?
Classic.
- Press play.
- I'm trying, man.
- Drop the beat.
- One two three four.
# All the hotties at
the party feeling naughty #
# Shake your boobies, yeah #
# Who likes to rock
the party? #
# All the ladies
with the babies #
# Make your babies shake
their booties yeah #
# Who likes to
rock the party? #
# Who likes to
rock the party? #
# Who likes to rock
the party? #
# Who likes to
rock the party? #
# Who likes to
rock the party? #
# Who likes to rock
the party? #
# I like to
rock the party #
# New Zealand likes to
rock the party. #
Yeah! All right.
- Awesome.
- Yes!
- That was awesome, Jemaine.
- Thank you.
Blew the Aussies right out of the water.
The tape was great.
Oh no.
Oh come on!
Guys.
Hey, sorry
I'm late, guys.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Have you done the gig?
- Yes, Bret.
Oh, I'm sorry.
It took me ages to get here.
- Well the tape was on time.
- Good. How'd it sound?
- It was all right?
- Good.
- Really good, actually, yeah.
- Okay.
There's very little difference
between you and the tape, I noticed.
- Oh whatever, Murray.
- And it doesn't talk back.
Yeah, but the tape's lifeless, isn't it?
It's a tape.
It's not like having a real musician
up there, is it? Hey, Jemaine?
I didn't really
notice the difference.
The difference is the tape didn't
let us down, all right?
It made it,
it played well.
And the more I think about it,
the more I like it.
I've got a right mind to
actually fire you, Bret,
and just keep Jemaine
and the tape.
- Aw, yeah, you're bluffing, Murray.
- I'm not bluffing.
- Yes you are.
- I'm not!
- Yes you are.
- He is.
He is. He told me he
was going to pretend
to fire you
if you were late.
Good one.
Yeah, I was going to.
- So you were bluffing?
- Yeah, but I'm not now.
This is the whole...
I've turned around.
I'm afraid to say, Bret,
that you are...
you got the...
check the tape?
Yep.
- What, are you serious?
- You're fired.
And both of you...
I'm not giving you a lift home.
- Oh, why me?
- No, 'cause you ruined my bluff.
The whole bluff thing.
Goodbye, Bret.
There's other attractions.
Check out the Indian one.
Thank for giving us a ride,
Mel and Doug.
Anytime.
Hey, Bret, are you...
are you all right?
I noticed you weren't onstage
and there was a tape and...
Yeah, I'm not in
the band anymore, Mel.
Murray just fired me.
What do you mean,
you're not in the band?
Did you hear that, Doug?
Yeah.
It's terrible.
It is terrible, Doug.
It's terrible!
My God.
Can Murray do that?
- No.
- Yeah.
Well, all your fans are
gonna be devastated.
- There's just you, Mel.
- Yeah.
- Well, thank you.
- Yeah.
What are you
gonna do, Bret?
- What... I mean...
- Well...
I guess just
concentrate on my job...
holding signs.
It's going pretty well.
Oh yeah,
I've seen you.
I've seen you
a lot.
You really know how
to move that sign.
You just manipulate it and caress it
with your skillful hands.
Thank you very much, Mel.
Yeah, thank you.
You're welcome.
You were good
tonight, Jemaine.
Oh thank you, Mel.
Way better than those Australian girls
in their bikinis.
- I didn't like them.
- Oh, I liked them.
- I hated them.
- Mmm.
So is it just gonna be
you and the tape for a bit?
Yeah, actually we've got a...
we've got a gig.
- Oh, you got a gig?
- What, a real gig?
Yeah... yeah, uh...
a guy... a guy saw us
and wants to book us.
Well, I'll be there.
You bet your ass
I'll be there.
I'll be at every one.
Oh, man.
The car could just
burst into flames right now
and this would be the way
to go, huh, guys? Just...
Just here, thanks, Doug.
- What?
- Where?
- Here?
- Anywhere.
This was
a good day, yeah.
Okay, so how else is
the tape better than Bret?
More compact.
Bret's pretty
compact, though.
I can carry the tape.
Just carry it around with me.
You could carry Bret.
How much can you press?
Not to a gig. I couldn't
carry him to a gig.
I can just put this
into my pocket
and just carry it
to a gig.
- More compact.
- Mmm.
That'll save money
on subway fares, too.
- Do you miss Bret, though?
- Not really.
- You don't miss him?
- No.
- No?
- No.
You miss him?
- A little bit.
- A little bit, eh?
I miss him. I might
put that down as a...
- Yeah, put "miss him."
...as a thing.
Yeah.
Well, no matter
which way you look at it,
the tape's still winning.
- Make sure you don't lose it.
- I won't.
Don't stand next to
any big magnets.
Why would I stand next to
big magnets, Murray?
I don't know what you do
in your personal life.
So that's it.
You've got the tape,
haven't you?
- Yeah, I got the tape.
- Let's see it.
I got the tape,
I told you.
- Let's have a look.
- I've got it in my pocket.
I just want to see it.
Oh, careful!
Now look what you've done.
- It's caught on my zipper.
- Yeah, leave it.
- Leave it, careful.
- It's all right.
- It's just caught on my zipper.
- Wait, it's all right.
I've got a trick here...
from the '80s, look.
Mmm.
Does this mean I'm not
in a band anymore?
I'm afraid not, Jemaine.
Greg, could we get a couple
of tissues in here?
Greg?
Chin up, Jemaine.
Actually, don't
worry about it.
You don't want to see
two grown men crying.
Go away, Greg.
Yeah.
Sue them.
Just sue them.
Oh... oh,
I got to go.
Hey, man.
Hey, Bret.
What's that thing
in your ear?
It's my
Bluetooth brand.
Everyone has 'em around here.
It's a business thing.
You don't know
what it is, do you?
- Not really. Do you know what it is?
- No.
I think you use it
with the phone.
Oh right, I see.
Oh yeah yeah,
I see.
- Yeah yeah, that makes sense.
- Hey, Bret?
I'm thinking of getting
the band back together.
- Oh really?
- Yeah.
I thought you were doing
pretty well with the tape.
The tape's no replacement
for you, man.
- Really?
- No, it broke.
What about it?
The original lineup...
you, me...
- You and me.
- I don't know, man.
Look at me.
I've changed.
I've grown up. I've got a job.
I've got a career.
I drink coffee now.
Oh God, yuck.
I just don't... I don't know if I can
do it anymore.
I don't even know what
you're talking about, man.
- Just join the band.
- No, I'm not joining the band.
- Join the band.
- I'm not joining the band.
- Join the band.
- No.
Free phones.
You've given up
the dream, Bret!
I've woken up.
I'll see you
at home.
Okay, man.
Can you grab some milk?
Yeah, well I'll see
what I can do.
Yeah. I've got a 5:00
and a 6:00.
I'll pencil
you in.
Okay, yeah.
7.3. All right.
Bye.
Hey, man.
Hey.
What's that?
Hamburger.
Looks amazing.
Are... are you
finished with that?
- I haven't started.
- Oh.
Do you want to
join the band?
No.
What is that?
How's the band going?
Oh, I'm not in
the band anymore.
- I had to quit.
- Really?
Yeah.
They wanted me back
but I'm just
concentrating on signs
and my career and
everything, you know?
Are you gonna start
another band?
No.
Probably not.
Bigger and
better things.
Signs?
Yeah.
I thought you
loved signs?
- Signs are okay.
- Yeah.
I prefer bands.
- You prefer bands?
- Yeah, I love bands.
Oh you... really?
You just never...
Oh.
I'll see you later, Bret?
Cool, yeah.
I'm back in the band.
I'm back in
the band!
I'm back in the band.
Hey, back in the band!
Back in the band!
Back in the band.
Put the cat down.
We can't afford it.
I'm back in the band.
Back in the band!
Back in the band!
It's been a very
difficult decision,
because many of you are
very talented, all right?
- Some of you are too talented.
- Hey.
Josh, is it?
In the back there.
High scores but a little arrogant,
all right?
But it's not
about talent.
Okay? It's about
the look.
That's why we've decided
to give the job to Brent.
All right, well done.
It's not about talent, as I say.
You're not
the talented one.
But you do look
very similar.
And with one
letter difference,
it's quite easy to just
do the transition there.
Hang on.
Bret, is that you?
What are you doing here?
You have no business here.
I wanted to get
back in the band.
Well, if you'd turned up
half an hour ago
you could have been
at the audition. It's too late.
- Brent's in the band.
- What about your job?
Well, Eddie says I can make the job fit
around the gigs. So...
He wants to support the band as much
as possible, actually.
He made us this sign.
Wow.
"Hot Dogs."
OH, NO THAT ONE.
THAT ONE.
Oh wow,
that's fantastic.
It's really great.
You know, Jemaine
really missed you.
- No I didn't.
- You did.
No I didn't.
- You did.
- You... you did.
- No, you're like...
- He did.
No, a little bit.
You could see
that you were...
Both... we both
missed you.
Oh, um,
sorry everyone.
Ah, bad news, guys.
This is Bret. He's gonna take
the position.
So, yeah,
that's it, I guess.
- What about Brent?
- Yeah, Brent, um...
sorry. Uh, we'll
keep your number on file.
The rest of you,
thanks a lot.
Have a good day.
And yeah, welcome back, Bret!