Flaked (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Westminster - full transcript

[Chip] I came to Venice by accident.

No, let me rephrase that.

I came to Venice
because of an accident.

Ten years ago, I killed a man.

It was my fault.

There's no excuse for it.

You see, when it's left up to me,
my best thinking...

my best thinking tells me
that it's okay to get loaded

and get behind the wheel of a car.

And that's what I did.

I took another human being's life.



And, in the process,
destroyed what was left of mine.

But the people in these rooms,
you got me sober.

You got me back on my feet,

which is just as well,
as I walk everywhere now.

The state of California no longer thinks
it's a good idea for me to drive.

[scattered laughter]

You taught me to be humble,
to be honest,

brutally honest, about who I am
and what I'd done.

You taught me
that if I really wanted to help myself,

that I had to stick my hand out
and help others.

[Dennis] It's a real tragedy.

That kid Stefan was supposed
to bring the good coffee.

Tragedy is an understatement.

Is it Steven or Stefan?
It's Stefan, right?



- Right.
- Yo, Stefan? You in here?

Yeah, man.

- It's Chip.
- And Dennis.

- How's it going?
- Hey, man.

It's going shit.
Look at this shit.

These fucking assholes.
They act like I just moved here.

I've been a Venice local since 2014.

Great.

They're fucking dinosaurs, man.

You know, either you adapt
or you get left behind.

Hey, are you okay, man?

We didn't see you
in the rooms this morning.

Yeah, you kind of bailed
on your coffee commitment.

- We had to drink shit coffee.
- Yeah, because I've been here.

I'm supposed to open today.

I only got enough beans
for, like, two days.

- Oh, so you do have coffee, then.
- Hey.

Listen, Stefan,
that sounds really rough, man,

but, you know, if you don't have time
to make it to a meeting,

you can always come by the store.

It's a great place to talk and listen...

I had the plumber come in
and put my fucking sink in backwards.

How do you not know that you're
putting in a fucking sink backwards?

Yeah. Well, what is it they say,

that life must be lived forward
but can only be understood backwards?

I find that when I do the work...

Not today, man, okay?
Some of us have real work to do.

So, no coffee, then?

- What are we doing here?
- Just a little business.

- You're going to do wine business now?
- They got a new waitress.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

- Sounds good.
- Yeah, but I saw her first.

All right.

She must not be working.

Man, why don't we just catch her
at shift change?

Yeah. Do you ever get the feeling
like this is the one?

- All the time.
- Yeah, me too, but this girl...

- It's just that words can't describe her.
- Oh, yeah?

- Let me take a look.
- Come on, I'll give it a shot.

Her name is London.

[Chip] London? I think I've been there.

[Dennis] No, man. She's new to Venice.

[Chip] I wish my name was a place.

[Dennis] Forgive me if I indulge
in a little poetry here,

but she has the sickest body.

Dude, I love that book.

When I first saw her,
I got, like, this electric shock.

You mean you bolted?

[laughs]

But no, I did get out of there
as fast as I could.

- It was just... it was too intense, man.
- Yeah.

You know? She's got, like, this...
this depth of presence.

You know what it is?
It's like when I look into a mirror,

but on the other side,
it's like this insanely beautiful woman.

Wait up. That sounds like a window.

No, no... but it's a mirror.

Because she's, like,
the perfect reflection of me.

Yeah, I'm sorry, dude, but if she's
the perfect reflection of you,

doesn't that make her
fifteen years too old for you?

All right.
Hey, hey, hey! I'm sorry.

Sorry about that.
They're very friendly.

Yeah, I think he... picked up on that.

Isn't he supposed to have a muzzle?

Yeah, he is, but he didn't like it.

Oh, he didn't? Oh, okay.

[chuckles]

No, look, the whole thing is, man,
I just... I just don't want you to swoop.

- You know?
- Dude, when did I ever swoop?

- Kara.
- Hey.

Dude, I didn't even know
you were into her.

Yeah. What? How...

Then how do you explain
my sudden interest in indie music?

No, I know now that you're
in your preliminary research phase.

She played rhythm trombone
for an indie rock band.

- I didn't know it at the time.
- Look, I just... I'm cool, all right?

Initially, there was, like,
this residual sense of betrayal,

but now that I know you're serious,
you know, it kind of softens the blow.

I don't know if I'd categorize
me and Kara as "serious" per se...

No? I thought I heard
she came over last night.

- Who told you that?
- Nobody told me that. I heard you.

I sleep, like, ten yards away.
How many times is that now?

It's been a few, right?

I don't know.
Maybe, like, six or seven.

Definitely less than eight.

So, I'm not... not yet past
the cut-off point.

You mean the point at which
you cut her off?

No. The point at which
a series of casual hook-ups

turns into a relationship.

Let me get this straight.

So, you were willing to jeopardize
our friendship for this girl

and you're not even serious about her?

No, man, I am serious about her.
That's why we're not in a relationship.

Oh.

Wait. That doesn't make any sense.

She's in her first year, man.

It's not good for her sobriety
to be in a relationship.

Plus, come on,

you know that I'd never do anything
to jeopardize our friendship.

[machine beeps]

Hey, Chip. This is Jerry.

- Fucking Jerry.
- Fucking, Jerry, man.

I was wondering, are you going
to be at the store tomorrow?

How do I know if I'm going
to be at the store tomorrow?

Did the beep go?

When did he even leave
the fucking message?

- Today. It could be tomorrow.
- Yeah.

We need to have
a landlord/tenant type conversation.

- Cool. Oh, it's J...
- [machine beeps]

I wonder what he wants. He never calls.

Hey, do you mind
watching the store for me?

[moaning]

[Chip] Oh, God.

Kara...

Oh, oh, my God.

You're not going to... get that...

[sighs]

- This is why I don't have a cell phone.
- Because you're old.

No. Because I don't want to spend all day
staring at a stupid screen.

So what? You'd rather stare at my ass?

As a matter of fact, I would.

What? Fuck! They just kicked us
out of the rehearsal space.

Oh, man. That's...

- That is too bad.
- "Too bad"? It fucking sucks.

[sighs]

No.

Come on. More bad news
on the "bad news machine"?

This stylist who's big on Instagram,
he's, like... wants to cut my hair short.

He's obsessed.

Yeah, I could see that.

I think you'd look really good
with short hair.

You have such a pretty face.

I'm going to go take a shower.

You know, if you want, you could always
use my store to rehearse.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Oh, my God. That'd be dope.

- Hey, is Stefan around?
- Oh, hey, Chip.

Hey! Hi! Well...

- You work here.
- It's Natasha.

Yeah, Natasha. How are... You know what?
Can I get a regular coffee to go?

- Oh, yeah, sure.
- Yeah.

So, how's Kara doing?
I hear you guys are almost serious now.

You're Kara's friend.
Yeah. Well, we are almost serious.

Yeah. Hey, listen.
So, is Stefan around?

Oh, he just left.
He had to go to a meeting.

Oh, yeah? Oh, good.
Okay. Well, I guess...

It's good he heard me.

I don't know if you saw this morning,
but we kind of tangled a little bit.

I hate having to play
the bad cop, you know?

I didn't see.

Oh, okay.

- Well, that is good.
- Right?

- Yeah.
- I know. Free Coffee is the best.

Oh, yeah?

Well, no argument here.
Thank you, Natasha.

You're welcome. It'll be $4.50.

Oh, I thought you said
that it was... free.

That's the name. "Free Coffee."

As in, free of all, like, the bad stuff.

Oh, right. Okay. Well...

I'll let it slide today, but next time
you've got to hit me up, okay? Make sure.

[in Spanish]
On the house, Chip!

Gracias, Miguel.

[Dennis] So, hey,
did you talk to Jerry yet?

I'm on it. Yeah, straight after lunch.

Just... taking care of the...
Stefan situation.

I didn't know
there was a Stefan situation.

Oh, come on, man.
You were there this morning.

The guy's obviously got anger issues.
Lash out at me like that?

Well, I wouldn't say
that he lashed out at you.

Well, anyway, he went to a meeting,
you know? The guy...

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

So, you know, he heard me,
just not in the moment.

Guess he had to let it... percolate.

Yeah. So, good. So, it's great.
So, you're done. Yeah. Case closed.

Frida Kahlo.

Yeah, yeah.
London's a big fan.

- Is she?
- Mm-hmm.

Good. So, we're now officially
in the preliminary research phase.

Also, I didn't realize
that you spoke to her.

Did you speak to her?

Yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm.

Well, I mean, technically no,
but I was...

I was there this morning
when she was speaking to her manager.

That was, you know,
just to kind of do the wine list.

- I was there to sort that out.
- Sure you were.

She went to a costume party,
dressed as Frida Kahlo,

and she got her leg, like,
caught in the spokes of a bike

and she hurt her leg.

"I tried to drown my sorrows in alcohol,
but the bastards learned how to swim."

And the weird thing is,
what's ironic is the real Frida Kahlo,

she hurt her leg
and it impacted her entire life.

Huh. That is ironic.
I don't think I knew that.

You know, maybe I did.
Yes, I did. Yeah. Of course.

- That was her... hurt a limb.
- It was her leg.

"Feet, what do I need you for
when I have wings to fly?"

All right, man.

Sounds like you've got
all the ammo you need.

Yeah, well, I wouldn't say that.

I just don't want to be the guy
that's read the first chapter

of a thousand-page biography.

- No, that's a shitty look.
- I want to do it right.

Or do it... right?

It's a "walk street," asshole!

Fuck it.

[male officer] Halt!

Exit your vehicle... slowly.

- Yeah, I can't exit...
- Show me your hands.

Hands.

Now, let me your ass.

Come on. I don't have time for this.

What the fuck you gotta do?

Come on, George,
I'm in the middle of something.

- Fine. You know that kid, Stefan?
- Yeah, I know Stefan.

- The kid needs his ass kicked.
- Yeah, exactly.

He's not working the program,
dropped a couple commitments.

- So what?
- What "what"?

Look, I can tell there's a "what."
What is it?

No. It's nothing. I just...

I actually heard he's been going around
lashing out at people, that's all.

What's he saying about you?

Me? No. Nothing. I mean, he...
Since you brought it up, he did...

He was weird with me this morning,
but that's not... I'm fine with it. No.

Oh, so you're doing damage control.

I'm sorry. Why do you get
to take my inventory?

Last I checked,
you're not my sponsor anymore.

Look, just keep
your side of the road clean.

Don't worry, it is.

I gotta go, man.

Show us some nipple.

Come on, man. Just a little nipple.

Chip, Chip, Chip! Cooler!
Come inside.

Come on in. But be cool.

What is it, man?

Bro, bro... you've got to see
the new waitress in here, man.

She is a smoke show.

- Ooh! Watch her walk!
- Dude, I don't have time for this.

Seriously, man. For real.
She is, like, my idea of the perfect wife.

We would be so happy together
for, like, 15 years.

Wait, I'm sorry. Even your idea
of the perfect fantasy wife

ends in divorce?

Yeah. Yeah, for sure,
but it would be amicable.

Wait. So, what has gotten you
out of bed this time of day?

This, man. I had to wake up early
and run a bunch of those off.

I dropped a shitload off
at your store for your custees.

God, you're still trying
to do this shit, huh?

Yeah, man!
Tons of chicks go to these shows.

- Do they?
- Yeah.

And you know what they say.
"If you can make a girl laugh,

you can make a girl go to bed with you."

Or, in your case,
if you can make a girl go to bed with you,

then you can make her laugh.

You guys okay over... here?

Yeah, I'm good.

This is London.

Good.

We're good.

- Good.
- Good.

[Cooler] Good.

- I'm going to take off.
- How's your leg?

- What?
- Um...

- It's okay. Thanks.
- Cool.

She... she was at a costume party
and snatched her leg up,

but it's... better.

It was a fun night, though.

Yeah, well, not for me, but...

Of... yeah, right.
Not for you. You hurt yourself.

So, uh-huh.

Oh, who was that lady
that you went dressed as,

with the big brow face with the bun?

Frida Kahlo.

- Yeah.
- That's ironic.

Oh, right, 'cause she...
yeah, she hurt her leg as well.

Yeah.

Is it hard for you to work, like,
on your feet all the time, because...?

Nope. Yeah, I manage.

"Feet, what do I need you for
when I have wings...

wings to fly?"

He doesn't know anything.

It's a Frida Kahlo quote, right?

[Cooler] Cool.

- What was that?
- Nothing.

That was nothing? She had electric shocks
just from looking at you.

- Look, man, I really have to go.
- Dude, where do you know stuff like that?

Oh, come on.

Hey, man.

What's up?

- Jarek, right?
- Hey, thanks for doing this.

Yeah, sure. Happy to do it,

just for the love of the music
and the look on their faces.

We're going to be making
a lot of noise, so...

Oh, that's okay.
I've got to go play paddle, anyway,

so I won't be here.

All right.

But we can hang later if you want.

I actually need an excuse to go
to this stand-up show.

I don't really like comedy.

Well, then you'll love this.

- You know, I've got shit to do.
- Come on.

It'd be fun to hang, outside a meeting,

you know, with our clothes on,
not that I'm ruling that out.

So, like, a date?

Well...

Because if it's a date, I'm out.

No, it's definitely not a date.

So, do I need a key or anything
to lock up, in case you're not back?

No. Just push the button
on the side of the door here

and, Bob's your uncle.

"Bob's my uncle"? What's...?

No, it's a...

You've never...?

Okay.

- Just pull the door shut.
- Yeah.

Let's go to Main Street.

What? Main Street?
We're going to go play paddle, man.

Yeah, but if we take Main Street,
we'll run into London. It's shift change.

No, dude. Shift change?
No, come on. Let's...

We're going to go play paddle.
It's a straight shot this way.

Hey, shift change.
That's our best chance.

We'll catch her coming or going.
You taught me that.

No, I know, but I think
I'd just rather just play paddle, man.

- Yeah, it's a better vibe down...
- West side! Represent!

- Oh, shit.
- Fuck.

What are you guys doing
for shift change?

Shift change?
No, we're not doing shift change.

We're going to play paddle, man.

Plus, listen, you can't make
a good first impression if...

- No offense, man.
- Oh, I respectfully disagree, Chip.

I make everyone look a little better.
Who we talking about?

Oh, no. Just this new chick, London.

- From GJ?
- Yeah.

Yeah! Did Chip tell you
we saw her yesterday?

No, he didn't.
He failed to mention that.

Did I?

He also failed to mention
that he went to GJ.

Yeah, well, I mean,
I guess technically...

I didn't go there for any,
like, specific...

- Dude, he gave her an electric shock.
- Cooler, come on, man.

- Wow. That's sweet.
- No, I mean, it was like...

[mimics electrocution]
She shook.

Hi. That's... her.

Oh, hey.

- Hello, again.
- Hey.

- London, right?
- Yeah.

I'm Chip.

- This is Dennis.
- Yeah, well, she knows.

I supply the wine at the restaurant.

Oh! Okay. Well, I'm on my way there now,
actually, to start a shift, so...

- A work shift?
- Right now?

Okay, well, we're going to go
play paddle tennis, so we'll...

We should get going, man.
Let's get down there. Let's do it.

Hey, I see that the leg's all better.

- Yeah, it is. Thank you.
- It's kind of ironic though, huh?

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

That you went to a costume party
as Frida Kahlo.

- Because I hurt my leg?
- Yeah. What is it that she always said?

"Feet, what do I need you for
when I have wings to fly?"

- Chip, didn't you say the same thing?
- Cooler...

You guys read the same book
on Frida Kahlo or something?

Uh...

Did we? No. I read the book.
I told Chip about it.

Reminded me if...

Okay. Well, have a good game.

We will.

Yeah, we will.

You guys are real cool
dum-dums, man.

- [grunts]
- Whoa!

Still pissed at me, huh?
I'd be pissed at me, too.

Honestly, I... I get it.

I only went in there to see Cooler
'cause he said it was urgent,

and she was there, and then I...

and then I just, I heard this voice.

It was like, "Oh, you've got
these feet that you're got..."

And I was like, "Oh, wait.
I recognize that voice. It's mine."

It was awful.

She had a sick body
and a depth of presence

and these eyes that were like,
"I know you, but you'll never know me."

So, you do like her?

No, man. Are you not listening
to what I'm saying?

Oh, no, I'm listening.
It sounds like you like her.

Dude, I don't like her! God!

Unless, of course, you don't either,

in which case I want to know
the statute of limitations.

Out.

Hey, man, I did you a favor!
I saved you four weeks!

What? How's that?

Because that's how long
it would have taken you

to read that book,
and then talk to her,

and then casually drop in the line
about Frida Kahlo.

I introduced you.

Yeah, man, you introduced me.
What does that make me?

That makes you a month
ahead of schedule, man.

Who knows what would have
happened in that month?

Cooler might have got in there.

Obviously not Cooler,
but you get the point.

The point is,
you made me look ridiculous!

I know, man. I'm sorry.

I really am.

But it was definitely you, though,
who she said hello to. Definitely.

- Yeah?
- Yeah, dude.

You know, I thought so,
but then, there was just a lot going on.

I couldn't be sure.

So, you're definitely not into her?

No, man. I told you.
I'm serious about Kara. I'm just...

After tonight, I'm going to be
way past the cut-off point.

Good for you, man.

She forgot to lock the...

Whoa.

Stefan, I thought I'd see you today.
Come on, clinic's open.

- I don't really have time for this, man.
- Come on in, man. Spill the beans.

- Chip, I...
- Get in here, dude.

Look, it's cool. I know that you've got
a lot to worry about right now.

But the one thing you can't worry about
is what other people think about you.

- Wait. What are people saying about me?
- You can't control that.

Yesterday, you were freaking out
about your coffee supplier, the plumber...

No, that guy fucking bailed on me, man.

Yeah, and you fucking bailed
on your commitments.

What makes your transgression
better than theirs?

Every time you point
your finger at someone,

you've got three more
pointing right back at you.

- What about the thumb, though?
- The thumb's not a finger.

I'm sorry you had to see me
freak out like that.

It's okay. It's not about me.

Oh, man.

- Hey, Chip.
- Hey.

All right, man. Be good.

- [Dennis] Another satisfied customer?
- [laughs]

I got you some Kombucha.

- Oh, great. Yeah.
- Man, I thought you liked this shit.

- No, I do. It's super good for you, man.
- Yeah.

[shuffling]

- Is somebody back there?
- I don't know. Maybe Kara?

Fuck.

Oh! What the fuck? What are you doing?
What are you doing?

Nice and slow, man.
Nice and slow.

I'm Granger, the appraiser.

Jerry gave me keys.

Fucking Jerry.

I'm sorry, man.
I didn't mean to freak you two out.

Oh, that's okay.
You didn't freak me out.

- So, why'd Jerry give you a key?
- To do the appraisal.

- Appraisal of what?
- Of the building.

- Of this building?
- Yeah.

Jerry asked you to do
an appraisal of this building?

Yeah. I'm sorry.
I should have made that more clear.

Did he not mention that to you?

So, the studio apartment is up there?

Yeah, yeah, it's just up there, and...

Okay.

Let me know if you need anything.

Yeah.

Hey, man. You've got to go see Jerry.
You've got to figure this shit out.

Why? It's probably nothing.

So, I'll see you later
at Cooler's show, yeah?

Yeah.

Hey! Okay. Thank you,
everybody here in Venice.

It's my home, too, you guys.

One person. You know what I mean?
Where are you guys?

You're a fake. You're a phony.

You live in Mar Vista.
You don't live in Venice.

You can't claim to be a local
if you don't live here.

- This is a walk street, asshole!
- Sorry, man.

It's okay.

Dennis!