Firefly (2002–2003): Season 1, Episode 1 - The Train Job - full transcript
Mal and his crew pull a train robbery.
Your move.
- That's a bold move.
- l live on the edge.
Nice work, dumb-ass.
l've given thought
to moving off the edge.
Not an ideal location.
- Make it a place in the middle.
- A toast!
Toast!
Quiet!
Shut up!
l'm... l got words.
l'm saying, this is an auspicious day.
We all know what day it is.
Suspicious. What day is it?
A glorious day for all the proud members
of the allied planets.
Unification Day!
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
The end of the scumbag lndependents
and the dawn of a new galaxy.
Yeah!
Captain.
Just feel the need for another drink.
What month is it?
Hey, you gonna drink
to the Alliance with me?
Six years today, the Alliance
sent the browncoats running...
...pissing their pants.
You know, your coat is kind
of a brownish color.
lt was on sale.
You didn't toast.
You know, l'm thinking
you're one of them lndependents.
l'm thinking you weren't burdened
with an overabundance of schooling.
Why don't we just ignore
each other till we go away?
The lndependents were a bunch
of cowardly, inbred piss pots.
Should've been killed off
of every world spinning.
Share that to my face.
l said, you're a coward
and a piss pot.
- Now, what are you gonna do about it?
- Nothing.
l wanted you to face me
so she could get behind you.
Drugs are so cute.
- Jayne.
- Hey, l didn't fight no war.
Best of luck, though.
Fine.
Let's do this.
Wash, we got some
local color happening.
A grand entrance would not go amiss.
ls Jayne even awake?
Whoa, whoa, whoa...
Ha, ha! Ha, ho, ho, ho.
There's just an acre of you fellows,
isn't there?
This is why we lost, you know.
Superior numbers.
Thanks for the reenactment, sir.
Hey, hey, them ain't kosherized rules.
l'm thinking somebody needs
to put you down, dog.
What do you think?
l'm thinking we'll rise again.
Every man there, go back inside or we
will blow a new crater in this little moon.
Damn yokels can't even tell a
transport ship ain't got no guns on it.
''Blow a new crater in this moon.''
My thanks, Wash.
- Nice save, as always.
- A pleasure.
- And how are our passengers?
- They're fine.
So, what happened?
Was there a terrible brawl?
- There was.
- Are you getting my wife into trouble?
What...? l didn't start it.
Just wanted a quiet drink.
Funny how you always find yourself
in an Alliance-friendly bar...
...come U-day, looking for a quiet drink.
This is another sign of your tragic space
dementia, all paranoid and crotchety.
Breaks a heart.
Did we at least make a contact?
Ladies and menfolk,
we have ourselves a job.
Take us out of the world, Wash.
We got us some crime to be done.
River.
River, it's okay.
lt's me.
You know who l am?
Simon.
Were you dreaming?
- Did you dream about the Academy?
- lt's not relevant.
lf you can talk about
what happened there...
l know it's hard, but the more l know,
the faster you'll get better.
This isn't home.
No.
No, we can't go home.
lf we go home, they'll just
send you back to the Academy.
This is safer now.
We're on a ship.
Mid-bulk transport.
Standard radian accelerator core,
class code 03-K64.
- Firefly.
- Well, that's something.
l can't even remember all that.
- You need a weave on that?
- lt's nothing.
l expect there's someone's face
feels differently.
They tell you, never hit a man
with a closed fist...
...but it is, on occasion, hilarious.
l suppose so.
So the fight didn't draw any attention?
No Feds.
Just an honest brawl between folk.
None of us want the Alliance on us,
doctor. That's why you're here.
l thought l was here
because you needed a medic.
Well, not today.
Mal.
''Bad''...
...in the Latin.
- Shepherd Book.
- Captain.
How's the girl?
Still a little whimsical in the brain pan.
Seems calm enough, though.
- That young man's very brave.
- Yeah.
He's my hero.
He gave up everything to free
his sister from that place.
Go from being a doctor
on the central planets...
...to hiding on the fringes
of the system.
- There's not many would do that.
- l suppose not.
There's not many
would take him in, either.
Why did you?
Same reason l took you onboard,
Shepherd. l need the fare.
Neither of us can pay a tenth of what
your crew makes on one of your jobs.
Are you referring to our legitimate
business enterprises?
l'm wondering why a man so anxious...
...to fly under Alliance radar
would house known fugitives.
The Alliance had her in that institution
for a purpose, whatever it was.
And they will want her back.
You're not overly fond of the boy.
So why risk it?
Because it's the right thing to do.
Oh, would you look at this.
Kaylee!
l'm wondering if you know
why you're doing it.
What about you? How come
you're flying about with us brigands?
Shouldn't you be off bringing religiosity
to the fuzzy-wuzzies or some such?
Oh, l got heathens aplenty right here.
lf l'm your mission, Shepherd,
best give it up.
You're welcome on my boat.
God ain't.
Where the hell's that girl?
- Do you want me to put it up?
- No, that's okay.
You have such lovely hair.
l'm sure the doctor would agree.
Who, Simon?
He's much too...
l mean, l'm just...
- Do you think it looks better up?
- We could experiment.
We might even get wild later
and wash your face.
You ever do this for your clients?
Very occasionally. Not all of them
have enough hair to get a brush through.
Have you ever had to service a really
hideous client? With boils and the like?
A companion chooses her own clients.
That's Guild law.
But physical appearance
doesn't matter so terribly.
You look for compatibility of spirit.
There's an energy about a person that's
difficult to hide. You try to feel that...
Then you try to feel
the energy of their credit account.
lt has a sort of aura.
What did l say to you
about barging in?
- That it was manly and impulsive?
- Yes, precisely.
Only the exact phrase
l used was, ''Don't.''
You're holding my
mechanic enthralled.
Kaylee, what's going on
in the engine room?
Were there monkeys? Some terrifying
space monkeys maybe got loose?
l rewired the graph thrust. Somebody
won't replace that compression coil.
Get the place squared away.
lt's dangerous in there.
And l ain't paying you
to get your hair played at.
We work before we play.
- You're servicing crew now?
- ln your lonely, pathetic dreams.
What do you want?
- May have a job.
- Congratulations.
On a decently civilized planet where
l could screen some respectable clients?
Respectable clients,
that seems a contradiction.
Don't start.
There's...
We haven't got a location yet.
We'll be landing on a skyplex in a bit,
run by a fellow called Niska.
- Never heard of him.
- Well, l have.
While we're there,
you'll stay confined to the ship.
ls the petty criminal ashamed
to be riding with a companion?
This guy has a very unlovely rep.
He's got work for me, fine.
But l don't...
l'm not sure you'd be safe.
Mal, if you're being a gentleman,
l may die of shock.
- Have you got time to do my hair?
- Out.
ls fine. Crow, they can come in.
- And Malcolm Reynolds is which?
- l'm Capt. Reynolds.
- My first mate Zoe. This is Jayne.
- Very nice.
l am Adelai Niska.
You have seen Crow. He loves
to stand at the door to say, ''Boo.''
We got word you might
have a job for us.
Yes.
Yes, an exciting job.
A train has something l need.
- You have worked a train before?
- We did a few.
Are you going to ask me
what it is l need?
As a rule, no.
Yes, good. You have reputation.
''Malcolm Reynolds gets it done,''
is the talk.
Well, glad to hear that.
You know what is reputation?
ls people talking, is gossip.
l also have reputation not so pleasant,
l think you know. Crow.
Now, for you, my reputation
is not from gossip.
You see this man?
He does not do the job.
l show you what l do with him
and now my reputation for you is fact.
ls solid.
You do the train job for me...
...then you are solid.
No more gossip.
Right.
Oh, you do not like l kill this man.
Oh, no, l'm sure
he was a very bad person.
My wife's nephew.
At dinner, l'm getting earful.
There is no way out of that.
So... Oh, the train job.
Come in.
Here, in fifth car, two boxes.
Alliance goods.
You don't mind the taking from Alliance,
l think, from your reputation.
You get on train at Hancock
headed for Paradiso.
You take boxes off before you reach
Paradiso and deliver to Crow...
...here.
Half money now, Crow give you
other half at rendezvous point.
Anything goes wrong,
then your reputation only gossip...
...and things between us not so solid.
Yes?
- How long till we hit Paradiso?
- 20 minutes.
We should be in the foothills in five.
Let's get to work.
He's a psycho, you know. Niska.
He's not the first psycho to hire us,
nor the last.
You think that's a commentary on us?
l have an image of a guy
hanging from the ceiling.
l got an image of it not being me.
Let's do the thing.
Hi.
Shepherd.
Good day.
So...
...how do you think it's going?
- The caper?
Mal knows what he's doing.
How long have you known him?
l've been on the ship
eight months now.
l'm not certain l'll ever actually
know the captain.
l'm surprised a respectable companion
would sail with this crew.
lt's not always this sort of work.
They take the jobs they can get,
even legitimate ones.
The further from the central planets,
the harder things are.
This is part of it.
l wish l could help.
l mean, l don't want to help...
Not ''help'' help.
Not with the thieving, but...
l do feel awfully useless.
You could always pray
they make it back safely.
l don't think the captain would
much like me praying for him.
Don't tell him.
l never do.
Go on. Straight through.
Keep moving.
Sir, is there some information
we might maybe be lacking...
...as to why there's an entire
Fed squad sitting on this train?
- lt doesn't concern us.
- lt kind of concerns me.
They're not protecting the goods. lf they
were, they wouldn't let people past.
- Think that changes the situation a bit?
- l surely do.
lt makes it more fun.
Sir, l think you have a problem
with your brain being missing.
Come on.
We stick to the plan.
We get the goods.
We're on Serenity before the train
reaches Paradiso.
Only now we do it under the noses
of 20 trained Alliance Feds.
And that makes them look
all manner of stupid.
This job l would pull for free.
- Can l have your share?
- No.
- lf you die, can l have your share?
- Yes.
Hey.
Oh, hey, doctor.
You really should just call me Simon.
Oh, l'll do that then.
So...
...what are we doing?
- Oh, crime.
Crime?
Good.
- Okay, crime.
- lt's a train heist.
You see, we fly over the train car,
the captain and Zoe sneak in...
...we lower Jayne onto the car,
and they bundle up the booty...
...and we haul them all back up.
Easy as lying.
- They've done this before?
- Hell, no.
But l think it's gonna work. The captain
gengish when it comes to plans.
ls there anything l can...?
Something l should be doing?
Staying the hell out of everyone's way.
No call to be snappy.
Are you about to jump
onto a moving train?
- The captain ain't around. l'm in charge.
- Since when?
Just because Mal says you're medic,
don't make you part of the crew.
Just play at figuring what's wrong with
that sister of yours till we call for you.
Right.
You shouldn't be so rude to him.
- Because he's all rich and fancible?
- He's not rich.
The Alliance crashed his accounts
when he snuck out his sister.
Yeah, we could all be rich
if we handed her back.
- You're not even thinking that.
- Mal is.
- That's not funny.
- He ain't stupid.
Why would he take on trouble like those
two if there weren't no profit in it?
Captain's got a move
he ain't made yet. You'll see.
Time for some thrilling heroics.
Niska's sources better be good.
Shining.
Find the cargo.
All hail the great Alliance.
Aha!
Fifteen seconds.
- Go!
- Go. Go now!
Come on.
- Where are the others?
- They shot my gorram leg.
Are they still on the train?
Are they gonna be okay?
Everybody off!
Come on, everybody off!
Our man didn't get a look.
Well, jeez, can someone
find out what they took?
Keep those people together.
Quiet them down.
lt's medicine, sir.
All of the supplies.
They stole the gorram medicine?
We been waiting...
- All of it?
- Every ounce.
God help us.
Son of a bitch.
- What's the fuss?
- All network alert. Cargo theft.
Medical shipment lifted off a train
en route to Paradiso.
Six crates of Pescaline D. That will get
you a tidy fortune on the black market.
Tag it received. Bounce it back.
Locals can deal with it.
Sir, there is a regiment holding
in Paradiso.
They were headed to the installation.
Then get them back on the train.
Who's holding them there?
The sheriff requested we deploy
if you'd help...
These are federal marshals,
not local narcotic hounds.
They've got better things to do.
So do we.
Gorram it, let's get us moving.
Now, l'm not finished.
- This ain't the rendezvous spot.
- lt is now.
- Niska's people are not partial to waiting.
- Let them read a magazine.
We don't make the sale
until Mal and Zoe are back.
These are stone killers.
They ain't cuddly.
l'm not flying anywhere
without my wife.
She'll be okay.
She's with the captain.
There, you see. Everybody wins.
Doc, l need a pop
to quiet this pain some.
All right, but what about the authorities?
We're sitting here with stolen Alliance
goods. Won't they look for us?
They buzz this canyon,
we'll hear them before they see us.
- We're good...
- They'll never stop.
They'll just keep coming
until they get back what you took.
Two by two...
...hands of blue.
Two by two...
...hands of blue.
How about you shut that crazy mouth?
ls that a fun game?
l'm in charge.
l'm telling you how it works.
We don't get the goods to Niska,
he'll make meat pies out of us.
l ain't walking into that.
ls this Adelai Niska
you're talking about?
Now, how would a shepherd
know a name like that?
As l've heard it,
he made a deal with the captain.
lf the captain's not there to finish it,
if Niska finds out he's being held...
...and may speak as to who hired him...
...l think we're better off
being a little late.
- This is a nightmare.
- Nothing points to us yet, sir.
That ain't what l'm talking about.
Whatever happens,
remember l love you.
Sir?
- Because you're my wife.
- Right, sir.
Honey.
Car three, row twelve.
Mr. And Mrs. Raymond?
Can you tell us what's going on?
We've been here for so long.
- Did someone on the train get killed?
- No, no, no, nothing like that.
Says there your fare's
paid for by a third party?
My uncle. lt was a wedding gift.
Wedding gift.
- Spending your honeymoon in Paradiso?
- Actually, we're here looking for work.
That right?
My uncle said he knew
a Joey Bloggs out here.
Said he might have an opening.
Thought we'd try our luck.
You a miner by trade? Either of you?
Not really.
Haven't seen many folk choose
this life weren't born to it.
Well, work is real scarce
for a couple just starting out.
How come there's so many sick here?
Bowden's Malady.
- You know what that is?
- An affliction of the bone and muscle.
- Degenerative.
- Very.
Every planet that's been terraformed
for human life has its own little quirks.
Turns out the air down underground
mixed up with the ore processors...
...perfect recipe for Bowden's.
Everybody gets it.
Miners, dumpers.
Hell, l got it, and l ain't
ever set foot in a mine.
- But it's treatable.
- There's medicine.
Pescaline.
You can live like a person
if you get it regular...
...but our shipment got stole
right off the train you was riding in.
Which is why you won't be seeing
a parade in town today.
Stolen?
Didn't l see an entire regiment of fine,
young Alliance Federals on the train?
You did.
Same regiment let their medicine
get swiped from under their noses...
...then took off for their own camp
without so much as a whoopsy daisy.
That sounds like the Alliance.
Unite all the planets so that everybody
can be interfered with or ignored equally.
Alliance ain't much use to us
out here on the border planets.
But...
...they didn't steal the medicine.
l ever find those people, they ain't
ever gonna see the inside of a jail.
l'm just gonna toss them in a mine...
...and let them breathe deep
for the rest of their lives.
Can't argue with that.
You mind telling me when it was
you last spoke to Joey Bloggs?
- Never did myself.
- Right. Your uncle.
And it was indicated to you
that Joey had an opening?
Any job would do.
lt's funny your uncle never mentioned
the Bowden's problem...
...or that Joey Bloggs ate his own
gun about eight months back.
Did he?
Yep.
Blew the back of his head right off.
So...
...would his job be open?
We waited long enough.
Let's get this bird in the air.
- No way.
- You really should sit down.
We can't leave the captain and Zoe.
They ain't coming. We can't get them.
They're done. Fire it up.
- What's going on?
- We're taking off.
- We're not.
- Captain would do the same.
- Not in a million years.
- Listen to me...
Know what the chain of command is?
lt's the chain l beat you with
till you understand who's in command.
Now, we're finishing this deal.
Then maybe we'll come back for those
morons that got themselves caught.
You can't change that by getting all...
...bendy.
- All what?
You got the light from the console...
...to keep you...
Lift you up.
Oh, they shine like...
...little angels.
- Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?
- l told him to sit down.
You doped him.
lt was supposed to kick in
a good deal sooner.
l just didn't feel comfortable
with him in charge.
l hope that's all right.
So how do we get the others?
lf Jayne was right about them
not making contact...
...they got pinched getting off that train.
We can't just waltz in
and pull them out.
Someone respectable enough
might be able to.
- What the hell...?
- Don't you dare speak to me.
Sheriff, l want this man
bound by law at once.
- That's assuming he hasn't been already.
- No one's been bound. Not yet.
Thank God you stopped them.
Did you think you could access
my accounts and l wouldn't find you?
And, Zoe, what would your husband say
if he knew you were here?
l was weak.
- So l take it they ain't newlyweds.
- Hardly.
Malcolm's my indentured man...
...with three years left in his debt.
l imagine we'll have to add another
six months after this little adventure.
You'll have to pardon them.
Don't think one of them's ever seen
a registered companion before.
- l apologize for my manner.
- Oh, not a bit.
Should l contact my ship? Do you
need to hold them much longer?
Looks to me like we're about done here.
We had some unrelated trouble.
His story had kind of an odor to it.
Yes. lt's not the only thing
about him that does.
Thank you very much, sheriff.
Come along.
That's a hell of a lady.
- Her files were all in order?
- l read them twice.
All right. Let's get started
with the rest then.
- Hey. How'd it go?
- She hit me.
We tried to get him into the infirmary.
He's just heavy.
- Engine's running. We're good to go.
- We're not going.
- Not what? Not why?
- We're bringing the cargo back.
What? What do you mean ''back''?
l waited for you guys.
What are you talking about?
What about Niska?
Won't this put him in a killing mood?
- Others need this more.
- Let's get it on the mule.
- My shuttle's faster.
- You risked enough flying in there once.
l don't want to get
slapped around no more.
We'll explain to Niska that the job
went south when we return the money.
lf you want to explain,
now's your chance.
You didn't make the rendezvous.
We ran into a few complications.
You are thinking of taking Mr. Niska's
money and his property maybe.
lnterestingly, neither.
- l don't understand.
- Yeah, look, here's what it is. Deal's off.
We changed our minds.
You entered into an arrangement
with Mr. Niska.
- There is no mind-changing.
- That's where you're wrong.
We just can't take this job,
so you just relax.
We'll get you the money Niska gave us,
you return it to him, we'll call it even.
There is no even.
ls that right?
Nice shot.
l was aiming for his head.
We'll have to drag them from here.
Leave them just off the street...
...notify the sheriff
once we're in deep, deep space.
Why not tell him in person?
Got word of a ship not far out.
Came looking.
Didn't expect to find you
coming back.
Didn't expect to be coming.
Nothing missing.
You were truthful back in town.
These are tough times.
A man can get a job...
...he might not look too close
at what that job is.
But a man who learns all the details
of a situation like ours, well...
...then he has a choice.
l don't believe he does.
Let's get these crates back to town.
Make ourselves useful.
Now, this is all the money
Niska gave us in advance.
You bring it back to him,
tell him the job didn't work out.
We're not thieves.
But we are thieves. The point is,
we're not taking what's his.
We'll stay out of his way
as best we can from here on in.
You explain that's best
for everyone, okay?
Keep the money.
Use it to buy a funeral.
lt doesn't matter where you go
or how far you fly.
l will hunt you down, and the last thing
you see will be my blade.
Darn.
This is all the money...
Oh, l got it. l'm good.
Best thing for everyone.
l'm right there with you.
- You should've let me do this sooner.
- l've had plenty worse.
lt's just... Ow!
- Sorry.
- Just be careful.
Pretty fast thinking,
doping up Jayne.
- Can't say you made a lifetime friend.
- l'll deal with him.
Yeah, l'm not too worried about you.
How's your sister?
The same.
ln one moment, she seems
perfectly cogent. The next...
...she speaks nonsense.
lt's like a child.
So difficult to diagnose.
l still don't know what the government
was trying to do with her.
So l have no idea if they succeeded.
Hands of blue.
Two by two...
...hands of blue.
- Sorry to keep you waiting. There's...
- We're not interested.
We're here about a theft.
The medicine on that planet.
Word came up that was returned.
We didn't fly 86 million miles to track
down a box of Band-Aids, colonel.
We're looking for a girl.
This girl.
- That's a bold move.
- l live on the edge.
Nice work, dumb-ass.
l've given thought
to moving off the edge.
Not an ideal location.
- Make it a place in the middle.
- A toast!
Toast!
Quiet!
Shut up!
l'm... l got words.
l'm saying, this is an auspicious day.
We all know what day it is.
Suspicious. What day is it?
A glorious day for all the proud members
of the allied planets.
Unification Day!
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
The end of the scumbag lndependents
and the dawn of a new galaxy.
Yeah!
Captain.
Just feel the need for another drink.
What month is it?
Hey, you gonna drink
to the Alliance with me?
Six years today, the Alliance
sent the browncoats running...
...pissing their pants.
You know, your coat is kind
of a brownish color.
lt was on sale.
You didn't toast.
You know, l'm thinking
you're one of them lndependents.
l'm thinking you weren't burdened
with an overabundance of schooling.
Why don't we just ignore
each other till we go away?
The lndependents were a bunch
of cowardly, inbred piss pots.
Should've been killed off
of every world spinning.
Share that to my face.
l said, you're a coward
and a piss pot.
- Now, what are you gonna do about it?
- Nothing.
l wanted you to face me
so she could get behind you.
Drugs are so cute.
- Jayne.
- Hey, l didn't fight no war.
Best of luck, though.
Fine.
Let's do this.
Wash, we got some
local color happening.
A grand entrance would not go amiss.
ls Jayne even awake?
Whoa, whoa, whoa...
Ha, ha! Ha, ho, ho, ho.
There's just an acre of you fellows,
isn't there?
This is why we lost, you know.
Superior numbers.
Thanks for the reenactment, sir.
Hey, hey, them ain't kosherized rules.
l'm thinking somebody needs
to put you down, dog.
What do you think?
l'm thinking we'll rise again.
Every man there, go back inside or we
will blow a new crater in this little moon.
Damn yokels can't even tell a
transport ship ain't got no guns on it.
''Blow a new crater in this moon.''
My thanks, Wash.
- Nice save, as always.
- A pleasure.
- And how are our passengers?
- They're fine.
So, what happened?
Was there a terrible brawl?
- There was.
- Are you getting my wife into trouble?
What...? l didn't start it.
Just wanted a quiet drink.
Funny how you always find yourself
in an Alliance-friendly bar...
...come U-day, looking for a quiet drink.
This is another sign of your tragic space
dementia, all paranoid and crotchety.
Breaks a heart.
Did we at least make a contact?
Ladies and menfolk,
we have ourselves a job.
Take us out of the world, Wash.
We got us some crime to be done.
River.
River, it's okay.
lt's me.
You know who l am?
Simon.
Were you dreaming?
- Did you dream about the Academy?
- lt's not relevant.
lf you can talk about
what happened there...
l know it's hard, but the more l know,
the faster you'll get better.
This isn't home.
No.
No, we can't go home.
lf we go home, they'll just
send you back to the Academy.
This is safer now.
We're on a ship.
Mid-bulk transport.
Standard radian accelerator core,
class code 03-K64.
- Firefly.
- Well, that's something.
l can't even remember all that.
- You need a weave on that?
- lt's nothing.
l expect there's someone's face
feels differently.
They tell you, never hit a man
with a closed fist...
...but it is, on occasion, hilarious.
l suppose so.
So the fight didn't draw any attention?
No Feds.
Just an honest brawl between folk.
None of us want the Alliance on us,
doctor. That's why you're here.
l thought l was here
because you needed a medic.
Well, not today.
Mal.
''Bad''...
...in the Latin.
- Shepherd Book.
- Captain.
How's the girl?
Still a little whimsical in the brain pan.
Seems calm enough, though.
- That young man's very brave.
- Yeah.
He's my hero.
He gave up everything to free
his sister from that place.
Go from being a doctor
on the central planets...
...to hiding on the fringes
of the system.
- There's not many would do that.
- l suppose not.
There's not many
would take him in, either.
Why did you?
Same reason l took you onboard,
Shepherd. l need the fare.
Neither of us can pay a tenth of what
your crew makes on one of your jobs.
Are you referring to our legitimate
business enterprises?
l'm wondering why a man so anxious...
...to fly under Alliance radar
would house known fugitives.
The Alliance had her in that institution
for a purpose, whatever it was.
And they will want her back.
You're not overly fond of the boy.
So why risk it?
Because it's the right thing to do.
Oh, would you look at this.
Kaylee!
l'm wondering if you know
why you're doing it.
What about you? How come
you're flying about with us brigands?
Shouldn't you be off bringing religiosity
to the fuzzy-wuzzies or some such?
Oh, l got heathens aplenty right here.
lf l'm your mission, Shepherd,
best give it up.
You're welcome on my boat.
God ain't.
Where the hell's that girl?
- Do you want me to put it up?
- No, that's okay.
You have such lovely hair.
l'm sure the doctor would agree.
Who, Simon?
He's much too...
l mean, l'm just...
- Do you think it looks better up?
- We could experiment.
We might even get wild later
and wash your face.
You ever do this for your clients?
Very occasionally. Not all of them
have enough hair to get a brush through.
Have you ever had to service a really
hideous client? With boils and the like?
A companion chooses her own clients.
That's Guild law.
But physical appearance
doesn't matter so terribly.
You look for compatibility of spirit.
There's an energy about a person that's
difficult to hide. You try to feel that...
Then you try to feel
the energy of their credit account.
lt has a sort of aura.
What did l say to you
about barging in?
- That it was manly and impulsive?
- Yes, precisely.
Only the exact phrase
l used was, ''Don't.''
You're holding my
mechanic enthralled.
Kaylee, what's going on
in the engine room?
Were there monkeys? Some terrifying
space monkeys maybe got loose?
l rewired the graph thrust. Somebody
won't replace that compression coil.
Get the place squared away.
lt's dangerous in there.
And l ain't paying you
to get your hair played at.
We work before we play.
- You're servicing crew now?
- ln your lonely, pathetic dreams.
What do you want?
- May have a job.
- Congratulations.
On a decently civilized planet where
l could screen some respectable clients?
Respectable clients,
that seems a contradiction.
Don't start.
There's...
We haven't got a location yet.
We'll be landing on a skyplex in a bit,
run by a fellow called Niska.
- Never heard of him.
- Well, l have.
While we're there,
you'll stay confined to the ship.
ls the petty criminal ashamed
to be riding with a companion?
This guy has a very unlovely rep.
He's got work for me, fine.
But l don't...
l'm not sure you'd be safe.
Mal, if you're being a gentleman,
l may die of shock.
- Have you got time to do my hair?
- Out.
ls fine. Crow, they can come in.
- And Malcolm Reynolds is which?
- l'm Capt. Reynolds.
- My first mate Zoe. This is Jayne.
- Very nice.
l am Adelai Niska.
You have seen Crow. He loves
to stand at the door to say, ''Boo.''
We got word you might
have a job for us.
Yes.
Yes, an exciting job.
A train has something l need.
- You have worked a train before?
- We did a few.
Are you going to ask me
what it is l need?
As a rule, no.
Yes, good. You have reputation.
''Malcolm Reynolds gets it done,''
is the talk.
Well, glad to hear that.
You know what is reputation?
ls people talking, is gossip.
l also have reputation not so pleasant,
l think you know. Crow.
Now, for you, my reputation
is not from gossip.
You see this man?
He does not do the job.
l show you what l do with him
and now my reputation for you is fact.
ls solid.
You do the train job for me...
...then you are solid.
No more gossip.
Right.
Oh, you do not like l kill this man.
Oh, no, l'm sure
he was a very bad person.
My wife's nephew.
At dinner, l'm getting earful.
There is no way out of that.
So... Oh, the train job.
Come in.
Here, in fifth car, two boxes.
Alliance goods.
You don't mind the taking from Alliance,
l think, from your reputation.
You get on train at Hancock
headed for Paradiso.
You take boxes off before you reach
Paradiso and deliver to Crow...
...here.
Half money now, Crow give you
other half at rendezvous point.
Anything goes wrong,
then your reputation only gossip...
...and things between us not so solid.
Yes?
- How long till we hit Paradiso?
- 20 minutes.
We should be in the foothills in five.
Let's get to work.
He's a psycho, you know. Niska.
He's not the first psycho to hire us,
nor the last.
You think that's a commentary on us?
l have an image of a guy
hanging from the ceiling.
l got an image of it not being me.
Let's do the thing.
Hi.
Shepherd.
Good day.
So...
...how do you think it's going?
- The caper?
Mal knows what he's doing.
How long have you known him?
l've been on the ship
eight months now.
l'm not certain l'll ever actually
know the captain.
l'm surprised a respectable companion
would sail with this crew.
lt's not always this sort of work.
They take the jobs they can get,
even legitimate ones.
The further from the central planets,
the harder things are.
This is part of it.
l wish l could help.
l mean, l don't want to help...
Not ''help'' help.
Not with the thieving, but...
l do feel awfully useless.
You could always pray
they make it back safely.
l don't think the captain would
much like me praying for him.
Don't tell him.
l never do.
Go on. Straight through.
Keep moving.
Sir, is there some information
we might maybe be lacking...
...as to why there's an entire
Fed squad sitting on this train?
- lt doesn't concern us.
- lt kind of concerns me.
They're not protecting the goods. lf they
were, they wouldn't let people past.
- Think that changes the situation a bit?
- l surely do.
lt makes it more fun.
Sir, l think you have a problem
with your brain being missing.
Come on.
We stick to the plan.
We get the goods.
We're on Serenity before the train
reaches Paradiso.
Only now we do it under the noses
of 20 trained Alliance Feds.
And that makes them look
all manner of stupid.
This job l would pull for free.
- Can l have your share?
- No.
- lf you die, can l have your share?
- Yes.
Hey.
Oh, hey, doctor.
You really should just call me Simon.
Oh, l'll do that then.
So...
...what are we doing?
- Oh, crime.
Crime?
Good.
- Okay, crime.
- lt's a train heist.
You see, we fly over the train car,
the captain and Zoe sneak in...
...we lower Jayne onto the car,
and they bundle up the booty...
...and we haul them all back up.
Easy as lying.
- They've done this before?
- Hell, no.
But l think it's gonna work. The captain
gengish when it comes to plans.
ls there anything l can...?
Something l should be doing?
Staying the hell out of everyone's way.
No call to be snappy.
Are you about to jump
onto a moving train?
- The captain ain't around. l'm in charge.
- Since when?
Just because Mal says you're medic,
don't make you part of the crew.
Just play at figuring what's wrong with
that sister of yours till we call for you.
Right.
You shouldn't be so rude to him.
- Because he's all rich and fancible?
- He's not rich.
The Alliance crashed his accounts
when he snuck out his sister.
Yeah, we could all be rich
if we handed her back.
- You're not even thinking that.
- Mal is.
- That's not funny.
- He ain't stupid.
Why would he take on trouble like those
two if there weren't no profit in it?
Captain's got a move
he ain't made yet. You'll see.
Time for some thrilling heroics.
Niska's sources better be good.
Shining.
Find the cargo.
All hail the great Alliance.
Aha!
Fifteen seconds.
- Go!
- Go. Go now!
Come on.
- Where are the others?
- They shot my gorram leg.
Are they still on the train?
Are they gonna be okay?
Everybody off!
Come on, everybody off!
Our man didn't get a look.
Well, jeez, can someone
find out what they took?
Keep those people together.
Quiet them down.
lt's medicine, sir.
All of the supplies.
They stole the gorram medicine?
We been waiting...
- All of it?
- Every ounce.
God help us.
Son of a bitch.
- What's the fuss?
- All network alert. Cargo theft.
Medical shipment lifted off a train
en route to Paradiso.
Six crates of Pescaline D. That will get
you a tidy fortune on the black market.
Tag it received. Bounce it back.
Locals can deal with it.
Sir, there is a regiment holding
in Paradiso.
They were headed to the installation.
Then get them back on the train.
Who's holding them there?
The sheriff requested we deploy
if you'd help...
These are federal marshals,
not local narcotic hounds.
They've got better things to do.
So do we.
Gorram it, let's get us moving.
Now, l'm not finished.
- This ain't the rendezvous spot.
- lt is now.
- Niska's people are not partial to waiting.
- Let them read a magazine.
We don't make the sale
until Mal and Zoe are back.
These are stone killers.
They ain't cuddly.
l'm not flying anywhere
without my wife.
She'll be okay.
She's with the captain.
There, you see. Everybody wins.
Doc, l need a pop
to quiet this pain some.
All right, but what about the authorities?
We're sitting here with stolen Alliance
goods. Won't they look for us?
They buzz this canyon,
we'll hear them before they see us.
- We're good...
- They'll never stop.
They'll just keep coming
until they get back what you took.
Two by two...
...hands of blue.
Two by two...
...hands of blue.
How about you shut that crazy mouth?
ls that a fun game?
l'm in charge.
l'm telling you how it works.
We don't get the goods to Niska,
he'll make meat pies out of us.
l ain't walking into that.
ls this Adelai Niska
you're talking about?
Now, how would a shepherd
know a name like that?
As l've heard it,
he made a deal with the captain.
lf the captain's not there to finish it,
if Niska finds out he's being held...
...and may speak as to who hired him...
...l think we're better off
being a little late.
- This is a nightmare.
- Nothing points to us yet, sir.
That ain't what l'm talking about.
Whatever happens,
remember l love you.
Sir?
- Because you're my wife.
- Right, sir.
Honey.
Car three, row twelve.
Mr. And Mrs. Raymond?
Can you tell us what's going on?
We've been here for so long.
- Did someone on the train get killed?
- No, no, no, nothing like that.
Says there your fare's
paid for by a third party?
My uncle. lt was a wedding gift.
Wedding gift.
- Spending your honeymoon in Paradiso?
- Actually, we're here looking for work.
That right?
My uncle said he knew
a Joey Bloggs out here.
Said he might have an opening.
Thought we'd try our luck.
You a miner by trade? Either of you?
Not really.
Haven't seen many folk choose
this life weren't born to it.
Well, work is real scarce
for a couple just starting out.
How come there's so many sick here?
Bowden's Malady.
- You know what that is?
- An affliction of the bone and muscle.
- Degenerative.
- Very.
Every planet that's been terraformed
for human life has its own little quirks.
Turns out the air down underground
mixed up with the ore processors...
...perfect recipe for Bowden's.
Everybody gets it.
Miners, dumpers.
Hell, l got it, and l ain't
ever set foot in a mine.
- But it's treatable.
- There's medicine.
Pescaline.
You can live like a person
if you get it regular...
...but our shipment got stole
right off the train you was riding in.
Which is why you won't be seeing
a parade in town today.
Stolen?
Didn't l see an entire regiment of fine,
young Alliance Federals on the train?
You did.
Same regiment let their medicine
get swiped from under their noses...
...then took off for their own camp
without so much as a whoopsy daisy.
That sounds like the Alliance.
Unite all the planets so that everybody
can be interfered with or ignored equally.
Alliance ain't much use to us
out here on the border planets.
But...
...they didn't steal the medicine.
l ever find those people, they ain't
ever gonna see the inside of a jail.
l'm just gonna toss them in a mine...
...and let them breathe deep
for the rest of their lives.
Can't argue with that.
You mind telling me when it was
you last spoke to Joey Bloggs?
- Never did myself.
- Right. Your uncle.
And it was indicated to you
that Joey had an opening?
Any job would do.
lt's funny your uncle never mentioned
the Bowden's problem...
...or that Joey Bloggs ate his own
gun about eight months back.
Did he?
Yep.
Blew the back of his head right off.
So...
...would his job be open?
We waited long enough.
Let's get this bird in the air.
- No way.
- You really should sit down.
We can't leave the captain and Zoe.
They ain't coming. We can't get them.
They're done. Fire it up.
- What's going on?
- We're taking off.
- We're not.
- Captain would do the same.
- Not in a million years.
- Listen to me...
Know what the chain of command is?
lt's the chain l beat you with
till you understand who's in command.
Now, we're finishing this deal.
Then maybe we'll come back for those
morons that got themselves caught.
You can't change that by getting all...
...bendy.
- All what?
You got the light from the console...
...to keep you...
Lift you up.
Oh, they shine like...
...little angels.
- Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?
- l told him to sit down.
You doped him.
lt was supposed to kick in
a good deal sooner.
l just didn't feel comfortable
with him in charge.
l hope that's all right.
So how do we get the others?
lf Jayne was right about them
not making contact...
...they got pinched getting off that train.
We can't just waltz in
and pull them out.
Someone respectable enough
might be able to.
- What the hell...?
- Don't you dare speak to me.
Sheriff, l want this man
bound by law at once.
- That's assuming he hasn't been already.
- No one's been bound. Not yet.
Thank God you stopped them.
Did you think you could access
my accounts and l wouldn't find you?
And, Zoe, what would your husband say
if he knew you were here?
l was weak.
- So l take it they ain't newlyweds.
- Hardly.
Malcolm's my indentured man...
...with three years left in his debt.
l imagine we'll have to add another
six months after this little adventure.
You'll have to pardon them.
Don't think one of them's ever seen
a registered companion before.
- l apologize for my manner.
- Oh, not a bit.
Should l contact my ship? Do you
need to hold them much longer?
Looks to me like we're about done here.
We had some unrelated trouble.
His story had kind of an odor to it.
Yes. lt's not the only thing
about him that does.
Thank you very much, sheriff.
Come along.
That's a hell of a lady.
- Her files were all in order?
- l read them twice.
All right. Let's get started
with the rest then.
- Hey. How'd it go?
- She hit me.
We tried to get him into the infirmary.
He's just heavy.
- Engine's running. We're good to go.
- We're not going.
- Not what? Not why?
- We're bringing the cargo back.
What? What do you mean ''back''?
l waited for you guys.
What are you talking about?
What about Niska?
Won't this put him in a killing mood?
- Others need this more.
- Let's get it on the mule.
- My shuttle's faster.
- You risked enough flying in there once.
l don't want to get
slapped around no more.
We'll explain to Niska that the job
went south when we return the money.
lf you want to explain,
now's your chance.
You didn't make the rendezvous.
We ran into a few complications.
You are thinking of taking Mr. Niska's
money and his property maybe.
lnterestingly, neither.
- l don't understand.
- Yeah, look, here's what it is. Deal's off.
We changed our minds.
You entered into an arrangement
with Mr. Niska.
- There is no mind-changing.
- That's where you're wrong.
We just can't take this job,
so you just relax.
We'll get you the money Niska gave us,
you return it to him, we'll call it even.
There is no even.
ls that right?
Nice shot.
l was aiming for his head.
We'll have to drag them from here.
Leave them just off the street...
...notify the sheriff
once we're in deep, deep space.
Why not tell him in person?
Got word of a ship not far out.
Came looking.
Didn't expect to find you
coming back.
Didn't expect to be coming.
Nothing missing.
You were truthful back in town.
These are tough times.
A man can get a job...
...he might not look too close
at what that job is.
But a man who learns all the details
of a situation like ours, well...
...then he has a choice.
l don't believe he does.
Let's get these crates back to town.
Make ourselves useful.
Now, this is all the money
Niska gave us in advance.
You bring it back to him,
tell him the job didn't work out.
We're not thieves.
But we are thieves. The point is,
we're not taking what's his.
We'll stay out of his way
as best we can from here on in.
You explain that's best
for everyone, okay?
Keep the money.
Use it to buy a funeral.
lt doesn't matter where you go
or how far you fly.
l will hunt you down, and the last thing
you see will be my blade.
Darn.
This is all the money...
Oh, l got it. l'm good.
Best thing for everyone.
l'm right there with you.
- You should've let me do this sooner.
- l've had plenty worse.
lt's just... Ow!
- Sorry.
- Just be careful.
Pretty fast thinking,
doping up Jayne.
- Can't say you made a lifetime friend.
- l'll deal with him.
Yeah, l'm not too worried about you.
How's your sister?
The same.
ln one moment, she seems
perfectly cogent. The next...
...she speaks nonsense.
lt's like a child.
So difficult to diagnose.
l still don't know what the government
was trying to do with her.
So l have no idea if they succeeded.
Hands of blue.
Two by two...
...hands of blue.
- Sorry to keep you waiting. There's...
- We're not interested.
We're here about a theft.
The medicine on that planet.
Word came up that was returned.
We didn't fly 86 million miles to track
down a box of Band-Aids, colonel.
We're looking for a girl.
This girl.