Final Space (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Chapter Five - full transcript

Gary: Previously on "Final Space"...

it's double trouble
aboard the Galaxy One

as the Lord Commander
and the Infinity Guard

are both gunning for our crew.

Little Cato is desperately
trying to contact his father...

Oh, no!...
and Quinn is about to unlock

a huge mystery threatening Earth.

Oh, double no.

My slacks are tightening
just thinking about this.

Oh, triple no.

[Alarm beeping]



H.U.E.: Gary, you have 5 minutes
of oxygen left.

Gary: I lived a good life.

Medium to good/ borderline crappy.

Saw some side boob once.
That was cool.

H.U.E., have you
ever seen side boob?

Side boob?
No, Gary.

The more you talk,
the more oxygen you...

You're missing out.
I guess it wasn't all that bad.

In fact, I take it back.
I lived a good one.

[Alarm beeps rapidly]

Of course! This is...

Thank you!
My life sucks!

[Title music]

1x05 - Chapter Five



Gary: This is where
Captain Gary wields

the great giant scepter of power.

You're not a Captain.
Communication output requested.

Requesting a communications
output, are we?

You really know how to press my buttons.

- Press!
- Ugh. Let me unpress your button

painfully short and clear.

It is never going to
happen between us. Ever.

[Thud!]

That was painfully short...
and clear!

Come on, Quinn.
Why won't you give me a chance?

You impersonated a member
of the Infinity Guard

and blew up 92 Imperium Cruisers.

That doesn't inspire a lot of trust.

Then I guess this precious
thing we have between us

is not gonna work out.
I'm sorry.

- Did you just break up with me?
- Quinn, it's over.

I pulled the Cupid's arrow out,
snapped it,

and threw it into
the break-up flames.

Toast a marshmallow
and get on with your life.

I don't have time for this.
[Sighs]

I need to get the password
to the Infinity Guard network.

Does someone need the password
to the Infinity Guard network?

- How did you know?
- How did I know?

- I'm always listening.
- Really?

Can you stop that, like, immediately?

Can I?
No, I can't.

There it is, H.U.E.
Zoom in.

H.U.E.: The breach has
the characteristics

of a black hole,
and it's growing.

You told the Infinity Guard this

and they didn't listen
and they want to arrest you?

They're total bad guys.

That smell coming from
the Infinity Guard kitchen?

A little dish I call
Corruption Stew!

The Infinity Guard is not corrupt.

I get it. You're mad
I broke up with you.

- My patience is whittling away.
- Whittle away, temptress.

Your words can't hurt me anymore.

Wow. How pretty!
What is that?

Plasmic energy is firing from that
planet directly into the breach.

If the laser continues,
the breach will widen,

and Earth will be consumed.

H.U.E., scan that planet
for inhabitants.

That is an Infinity Guard Outpost.

It's not a soup.
It's not a broth.

Oh! [Chuckles]
I know. It's a stew!

- Corruption stew!
- There has to be a good explanation.

We're going. H.U.E.,
prime the lightfold engines.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

The moment we broke up, that
right went back to el capitan...

- H.U.E., how do we get to the surface?
- ...with a Captain's finesse.

[Screaming]

Cutting the engines and gliding in

like a glorious coasting
stealth squirrel was a bad idea!

[Music]
[Crashing]

[Music]

Good news.
If this is the right place, we're here.

Assessing damage.
The deflector array is offline.

The power cells are offline.
The bake shop is offline.

Wait! There's a bake shop
on this thing?!

Quinn: Avocato and I
will scout on foot.

The rest of you stay back
and repair the ship.

Come on, Avocato, let's go.
What?!

If I could pour
a tall glass of truth-juice

for you real quick, Quinn...
I am not feeling the trust.

I only trust three people
in this world...

my dog, my sister,

and every single member
of the Infinity Guard.

You're insane, my lady.
The Infinity Guard tried to kidnap you.

And they tried to take
over the Galaxy One.

And dogs aren't even people.

I have no reason to trust any of you,

so I'm going with the guy
literally covered in guns.

KVN, fix the ship.
Also, don't touch any of my stuff.

Or Quinn's stuff. Or Avocato's.
Or the cookies. Ju...

Jus... Just don't touch anything.
Specifically buttons.

And especially flamethrowers.

But do fix the ship, and then die.

Okay? [Chuckles]
Okay. Okay, come on, Mooncake!

- Wow! [Laughs]
- Ugh.

[Laughs maniacally]
[Music]

[Giggles] Hooray!

[Clanging]

[Chuckles]

Watch this.
[Smooching]

Stop! Stop staring.

Flamethrowers! Hooray!

I'm burning things!

[Giggles]

S.A.M.E.S.: Wait, what? Aah.

[Rumbling in distance]

Little Cato: Dad,
these are my coordinates.

Come find me.
[Beep]

Stupid thing won't work!
[Grunts]

- Be brave.
- Huh?

We're going to get you out of here.

- Why should I trust you?
- We share the same enemy.

I gotta send a message to my father.
Can you amplify my signal?

There's a transmitting station.
I can show you the way.

Now run!

[Music]

Chocli.

[Chomps]
[Chuckles]

Ooh!

[Music]

[Rustling]

Hey, man... Oh!
Oh, my gosh!

You just don't cleave everybody
in the neck meat, Avocato!

- What the freak?!
- Let me give you some advice, buddy.

- Yes.
- If you want Quinn to trust you,

you gotta step up
and show her you can lead.

Make direct eye contact,

then don't let go until you kiss
her soul with your eyelashes.

Like this.
Too much, or just enough?

Oh, my wow. Oh, my wow!
It's glorious!

- Yeah. So you got it?
- I got it. It's done.

Done and done.

Hi, Quinn.
Too little, or just enough?

Ahhhh!

Just go back to the ship.
You're not a trained soldier.

- You're a... nobody.
- [Chuckles] Okay.

I didn't expect that hurt coin deposit

in my sadness savings.
Good Lord.

Look, Gary,
I'm not trying to be mean.

If you get hurt or die...

Well, that's a responsibility
I don't want.

- That's just the truth.
- I don't accept your truth.

And that was incredibly mean.

- I'm sorry.
- I don't think you are.

You're right. I'm not.

You have a bite to you.
I like that.

I promise, you will end up trusting me.

And revel in my awesomeness as I...

karate chop this magnificent...
[Vocalizing]...

disturbingly agile...
freaking bug angel!

I think that thing just bit me.

- [High-pitched voice] Ahhhh!
- Holy crap!

It's a beautiful nightmare
shrinking demon!

[Clatter]

[Roars]
Aah!

Hoorah!
[Music]

- Stay with me, Avocato!
- Aah!

I won't rest until a cure is found.

[Grunts]

- Mooncake, give Avocato a ride.
- Aah!

Mooncake: Mmm-hmm!

Whoa!
[Panting]

I got your back, Mooncake!
Yee-haw!

[Pew! Pew! Pew!]

[Laughs] What was that?!
I mean, wha... like a little...

a little silly string
shooting out of your gun?

Like... [Laughs]
I mean, that's...

that's like... What were you even
trying to accomplish right there?

I mean...
Okay, foll-follow me!

[Grunts]
[Music]

Spider!
Spider!

It's a spider!

Ohhh, it's a spider!

Aah! Oh!
[Grunts]

Aah!

That's weird.
It says we're... here?

Dear Heavenly Lightning Lord!
Are you not seeing this?!

- Seeing what? Ugh.
- It's right here.

Seeing... this.

What the hell is that thing?

[Music]

Are you talking about the giant laser?

Because if you're talking
about the giant laser,

- it's a giant laser.
- I know it's a giant laser.

Giant doesn't even begin
to describe what I'm seeing.

[Alarm blaring in distance]

[Whirring]

Computer:
Laser activation commencing.

[Music]

[Music]

That's what's been creating
the gravitational disturbance.

I thought the Earth was being sucked

into a black hole, but I was wrong.

This whole thing is
being orchestrated...

By who?
Or is it whom?

Either way, it's probably
by some serious bad guy.

What a twist!

Infinity Guard Army:
For the galaxy!

For eternity!
For Lord Commander!

With each blast, we get
closer to Final Space!

So, keep it up.

Good job, Jeff.
Hearing great things.

Yes!

Now, how the hell do I turn this off?

Eric! How do I turn this off?

Is it the red knob?
Do I turn it left?

Eric, stop crying!
I'm just going to walk away.

The Lord Commander.
He's taken over the Infinity Guard.

- They're destroying Earth. They're...
- Corrupt! Told ya!

Now do you trust me?

No. Now I'm the only person
I can trust.

And Gary. You left out Gary.
And Hot Wheels Avocato.

What I lack in size
I make up for in wisdom.

So now that you're tiny you're
like the new Socrates or something?

Whatever. C'mon, squad!
She needs backup.

[Grunts]

Oh, well, I guess not.

I guess I could just sit here
and pop my lips.

[Pop! Pop!]

[Pop!]

♪ Burning love ♪

♪ Burning love, hot burning love ♪

♪ Love, love, love burning love ♪

Beth, I want you to know

that this has been the happiest
moment of KVN's life.

I can see it on your face.
We are so happy.

- She is so hot.
- Stop!

Stop staring.
So creepy.

Now do my bidding!
Fix the ship.

I will kill KVN
and take Beth for my own.

Over my cold, dead hands.

Death fight.
We've got a death fight.

Now, where were we?

[Lasers blasting]

[Music]

How the hell does Jeff do it?
[Sighs]

[Music]

[Grunting]

Aah!

- Ugh.
- I told you, I'm doing this on my own.

The hell you are.
Like it or not, we're a team.

And you can't spell "team"
without "M" and "E",

and you know what that spells...
"Us."

- Fine.
- Fine.

A job worth doing is
worth doing together.

- Thank you, Avocato.
- But a vision becomes a nightmare

when the leader has
a big dream and a bad team!

Okay, okay!
Shut up with that stuff.

I don't even know what
you're talking about.

Computer: Laser activation
in four minutes.

Geez. Oh, my gosh.

Superior Stone, that bastard.

Come on, we're running out of time.
We gotta go around.

[Music]

Ohhhh, crap.

- Aah! Laser hell...
- [Whispering] Shhh! The walls are thin.

Do not make a sound, or they'll hear us!

[Whispering]
You expect us... Ow!...

to climb through
this electric pain-maze

without making a sound?
We're not wizards.

- Ow!
- Will everyone please shut up!

- Aah!
- Okay! We'll do it your...

Ohhhhh!

Aa-ga-gaah!
Aa-ga-gaah!

Right on the downstairs mustache.

Do you not see
this is the worst possible

- ti-i-i-ime... for this?!
- Tuff titty whompas!

- Company hold.
- Titty whompas!

- Did you hear that?
- Sounded like "tuff titty whompas."

What the hell is
a tuff titty whompas?

- It's probably a rat.
- Do rats say "tuff titty whompas"?

The big ones do.

Oh!

[Chuckling]

Oh, my God! Aah!

You're like a tiny little
Avocato bobble head! [Laughs]

Aah!

[Music]

Alert!
Escapee. Lock it down!

[Alarm blares]
[Guard screams]

- Now run!
- Ya think?

[Music]

Computer: Laser
activation in 90 seconds.

[Guns cock]

Have you all lost your minds?!
[Music]

You're working for the Lord Commander!
We're Infinity Guard...

the last vestige of hope
in the universe.

What you're doing here is going
to destroy the Earth, our home.

Stop this.
I'm begging you.

- Stop.
- That's a good speech, but, nah.

Nah, ain't happening.

[Guards chatter, laugh]

- No way!
- Yeah, no, we're not stopping.

You know what to do, Avocato.
Hoorah!

[Music]

I'm back, baby!
Whoo! Yeah!

I'm electrified, baby!

Whoo! Murder Beam activate!
Yeah! Oh, yeah!

I go high, you go low!
Yes!

Yeah! Gary, how're them
guns back there?

They're hot, baby!

[Groaning]

Yes!

[Music]

Stone! You traitor!

What I do, I do for the Infinity Guard!

You double-crossing sphincter sack.

Quinn, you can still join us.
You're just about the only one

who hasn't pledged allegiance
to the Lord Commander.

[Yells] Don't do it, Quinn!
Don't do it!

We have such
a good thing going here!

I'm not joining him,
you freaking weirdo.

Don't join forces with this guy!

- Don't do it!
- Why are you doing this?

The Lord Commander has seen
what's on the other side.

Once we break into Final Space,

we'll flood the world with light,

and there will be no more death.

That's because there
will be no more life.

At first.
But not at second.

And don't even get me
started on thirdly.

Anyway, Quinn,
we should thank you.

- What?
- Your scribbling on a bar napkin

allowed us to finally break
through the quantum barriers

and tear through this universe.

So you see, this is all your work.

[Music]

Cheer up.

You won't have to live
with the guilt much longer...

...because now
there's no stopping us

from tearing a hole into Final Space.

Computer: Commencing laser fire
in 30 seconds.

Hey, sphincter sack!
Rock, paper, scissors.

I'm not playing this game.

Close! Paper!

Aah!

[Chuckles] Guy just got sucked
into a big ol' butthole.

Gary, we got a laser to take out.

- O-O-Okay! Okay, let's go!
- It's all my fault.

- Quinn, it's not your fault.
- I can't even trust myself anymore.

Okay, you're digging deep,
and there's some real powerful

self-discovery stuff going on here,

but there's a giant laser about to fire,

so if we could just stick a pin in this

and pick it up
over snacks soon-ish?

Laser activation in 10 seconds.

Stone shot out the controls.
The laser can't be stopped.

Laser activation commencing now.

Mooncake, shoot the laser!

- Are you crazy?
- Yes! Shoot the laser!

- Chocli.
- Shoot the laser!

- Chocli?
- Shoot the laser!

- Chocli!
- Shoot it! Shoot it!

- Shoot the laser!
- Chocli!

[Music]

Ooh...
- Oh. My. Crap.

The elevator! Hurry!

[All screaming]

Tuff titty whompas!

KVN? H.U.E.? We need
an emergency extraction!

Whoa!
Mooncake!

[Music]

[Music]

Aah!

[Gasps]

We're going to die!
[Music]

- Not if you trust me.
- I'm sorry. I can't.

- I think you can.
- Okay.

Okay. And don't worry.
I have one of these.

Aaah!

Aah! Why would they
connect the nerve endings

to my robot hand?!
Aah!

Whyyyy?!

[Screaming]
[Rumbling]

Whoa!

Aah!

Aah! Whoa!

Gary: When I woke up this morning,
I did not think, "I'm going to die."

But look at us.
Look at me, look at her.

Here we are. A unit.
Dying together.

Oh, no, wait!
Look, the Galaxy One! Yeah!

Gary: Aah!

[Music]
Oh!

[Music]

You came through.

Woman: I told you...
we fight the same war.

[Beeping]
But it's key locked.

4-3-7-2-8.

[Computer chimes]
[Chuckles]

I'm in.
Thanks. I owe you.

Dad, these are my coordinates.
Come find me.

I mean, at your leisure, but
like, for me, preferably fast.

That'd be great.

And... send!

You did it! You did!
[Chuckles]

[Voice deepens]
You... You did it!

You sent your father
and Mooncake right to me.

No, no, no, no, nooooo!

[Music]

[Music]

What, uh...
what are you doing?

Starting over.
You were right about everything.

I know.
It's a blessing.

And my curse.

If the Lord Commander
corrupted the Infinity Guard

it means there's no good guys left.

- Yes, there are.
- Who?

- Us.
- Chocli.

Healthy people trust.
We need more of that, not less.

- But how can I?
- You begin right here...

...with this guy.

- We're the good guys now.
- Okay, then.

- Us.
- Yeah. Us.

Gary: [Chuckles]
Oh, KVN!

What in the three rings of hell
did you do to the ship?!