Father Ted (1995–1998): Season 3, Episode 2 - Chirpy Burpy Cheap Sheep - full transcript
With the island's annual King of the Sheep contest imminent Ted puts the house's entire winter heating allowance on a sheep called Chris to win. Chris's owner Fargo Boyle tells Ted that Chris has heard about the notorious Beast of Craggy island and is nervous so Ted helps Fargo get Chris into winning condition. Then Ted hears that there is no Beast, it was a ploy by Fargo to increase the odds on Chris. Unfortunately in exposing the plot Ted gets Chris disqualified and loses his money.
- Hello, Fargo.
- Oh, Hud, Giant, hello.
Chris is looking great
for the competition.
Thanks, lads.
Father Crilly, hello there!
Fargo, ha ha. How's the champ?
He's great.
A few quid on him, Father?
I've put the entire annual
heating allowance on him.
But what if he doesn't win, Father?
Well, we won't have any heating...
but if it stays as warm
as the summer we're laughing!
But come on, it's Chris -
he's the champ!
Talk about a safe bet!
Have you heard about this creature
going around terrorising sheep
on the island?
No. Tell me more.
They say it's as big as a jaguar.
The car?
No, the big cat thing!
And its face is all teeth,
big white teeth as sharp as knives.
- Has it killed yet?
- No, but it's only a matter of time.
Hope it doesn't get my sheep.
No man's sheep is safe.
Oh, dear!
Ohhhh!
Ohhhh!
Ohhhh!
Ohhhh!
Ohhhh!
Ohhhh!
Ohhhh!
- Ohhhh!!
- Oohhhhh!!!
(Giant) 'Has it killed yet?'
(Hud) 'It's only a matter of time...
'big white teeth as sharp as knives.
- 'Ohhhh...'
- (Howl)
(Silence )
(Birds singing)
(Tin cans rattling)
(Gunfire )
Dougal, give the album a rest.
Ted, come on, it's brilliant.
I think people will give up pop music
and listen to this instead.
What I hear in the charts, I'm not
sure if that's not happening already.
What?
This is so good though, Ted!
There's all kinds of things.
Like magic I can create
a big crowd of invisible ducks.
(Train whistle )
Or take you on a trip
into darkest Africa.
(Toilet flushing)
Or bring you into a spooky castle
on a stormy night.
(Telephone ringing)
Oooh!
Whooo!
Craggy Island parochial house,
Father Ted Crilly speaking.
- F-F-Father!
- Fargo?
F-Father, can you come over quick?!
Certainly, Fargo, what's the...?
(Click and dialling tone )
I'm going out Dougal,
something's up with Fargo.
Mrs Doyle,
you look terrible, doesn't she?
Awful, Ted.
I didn't get much sleep, Father.
I kept thinking I heard
this terrible howling noise.
- That'd be the beast.
- What's this, now?
There's something terrible
on the moors, Father.
(Spooky music)
Moors? We don't have any moors.
Well, there's something terrible
roaming around
where normally
there would be moors, Father!
They think it might be
a kind of giant fox!
(Thunder crashes )
- Dougal!
- Sorry.
It couldn't be Jack, could it?
Someone might mistake him
for a big mad cat.
Don't forget, during leap years
Jack is very much affected
by the changing of the seasons.
For a short while,
he is at one with nature.
He's great when he's in the mood.
If only it lasted longer.
(Vomits )
I better go and make some tea.
(Slurping and gurgling in time
with Mrs Doyle's footsteps )
I told you to turn that off.
But it is off.
(Slurping and gurgling continues )
What do you mean, Chris isn't in
the competition? He's the champ!
This talk of the beast
has got to him, his nerves are shot.
I took a photo this morning.
Nerves? It's a sheep!
He always had
a very artistic temperament.
He's not a concert pianist,
he's a sheep! I don't see how...
(Ted) Oh, my God.
I mean, when you compare it
with what he looked like last year...
It's like two
completely different sheep.
He's off his food...
He's not sleeping...
And he's started to burp.
(Sobbing) Oh, F-Father,
w-what am I going to do?
Fargo, pull yourself together.
Chris needs you now more than ever.
Come on, I want to see him.
But he doesn't want
to see anybody, Father!
Fargo, that's an order.
Take me to see Chris,
the unhappy sheep.
God, you should have seen him,
he's just a shadow of a sheep.
If I was a sheep,
I'd be watching my back right now.
Why?
Because of the beast.
They say it's as big as four cats
and it's got a retractable leg
so as it can leap up at you better.
And it lights up at night, Ted,
and it's got four ears,
two are for listening
and two are back-up ears,
and for some reason it's got
a tremendous fear of stamps!
Mrs Doyle says it's got magnets
so if you're made of metal
it'll stick to you,
and instead of a mouth
it's got four arses.
Dougal!
It's a legend, it doesn't exist.
Right, like the
Phantom of the Opera doesn't exist.
The Phantom of the Opera
doesn't exist!
Don't start another
what-does-exist debate.
Add those last two examples
to the chart.
- But...
- Dougal!
I'm more worried
about that bet I put on Chris.
- You don't think he'll win?
- No burping sheep has ever won.
What about Big Brendan in 1983?
Fluke.
Anyway, it's just the heating budget.
And look what the Weather News says.
That's last year's Weather News.
- What?
- This is this year's.
I'll see if John and Mary
will give me my money back.
I'll come too, see if they've
got Sound Effects Volume Five.
Fair enough. Good night, Dougal.
(Howling)
And some of his ears
are inside his head,
and his yawn sounds like
Liam Neeson chasing a load of hens...
(Ted) Hello, Fargo.
And he doesn't have any eyebrows,
except on Saturdays.
Oh! Ahh!
And you can stay in there
till you learn some fecking manners!
(Mary ) Let me out, you bastard!
(Banging)
And I've thrown away the key!
How do you like that, huh?
Hello, John.
Hello, Father Crilly!
- Hello, Father McGuire!
- (Banging stops )
Where's...where's Mary?
She's away at her mother's.
(Banging) No!
Is there, um, is there someone
in the cupboard?
(Mary ) Hello, Fathers.
Mary?
Mary, I forgot you were there,
I thought you were at your mother's.
(Mary ) No, I didn't go after all.
I'm in the cupboard.
What are you doing in there?
It's because of the beast,
I thought Mary would be safer
in the cupboard.
(Mary ) I'm better off here.
What can I do you for, Father?
A pack of 20 Carols.
(Mary ) Certainly, Father.
I'll get them, love. You stay there.
Er, John, can I have a word?
(Mary ) Is Father McGuire there?
I am. Hello, Mary.
(Mary ) Lovely day, isn't it?
Oh, yes.
(Mary ) You're looking great, anyway.
I'm sorry, Father, a bet's a bet.
But if she doesn't have the operation
she won't be able
to fetch water for her village.
I am sorry, Father.
You should've waited,
the odds have lengthened to 20-1
on account of
Chris's nervous troubles.
- Anyway, your cigarettes.
- Thanks.
They don't have
the sound effects album.
We might as well just go.
(Mary ) Bye, Fathers.
- Bye!
- Bye!
- (Mary ) I hope you're satisfied.
- Ahh, shut up!
Oof!
Look, there's Giant Reed.
Hello, Giant!
What are you thinking, Ted? Look at
the big serious look on your face.
Chris can't win this competition.
Ted, it's pointless
thinking about it.
There's nothing we can do
about the situation.
We just have to accept the fact
and that's that.
We could bring Chris over here,
that might help.
Oh, wow! Brilliant!
I knew there was something
we could do! Didn't I say it?
No. No, you didn't.
You said the exact opposite.
We couldn't do anything.
Ted, you've done this before,
so I took the liberty
of taping the conversation.
We'll just have a listen.
'Ted, it's pointless
even thinking about it.
'There's nothing we can do
about the situation.
'We just have to accept the fact
and that's that.'
I stand corrected.
(Baaing)
Oh... Ahh...
There he is now.
(Burps )
I'm still not sure
about this, Father.
We'll make him into a new sheep.
Or else a jumper
and a few chops! (Laughs )
I'm terribly sorry,
that was just tasteless.
I'll be off, then.
Ok. Seriously, if there's
one place for peace and quiet...
(Jack) Feck! Arse! Feck!
(Banging and crashing)
Feck! Feck! Feck! Arse...
(Muttering)
It would be an insult to you
if I finished that sentence.
You're up early, Father.
We're off to get Chris into shape
for the competition.
Do you think would our new guest
like a cup of tea?
The little sheep fellow?
I don't think they drink tea.
Not unless you have
some special "Sheep Tea".
Yes.
- What?
- I do have some sheep tea.
Oh, right... Well, um...
Give him some of that, then.
Ok, so.
It's nearly midday,
do we have to get up this early?
Has to be done, Dougal.
We've got to get Chris
from looking like this...
to looking like this.
( # M-People: Search For
The Hero Inside Yourself #)
# You've got to search for the hero
inside yourself
# Search for the secrets you hide
# Search for the hero inside yourself
# Until you find the key to your life
# Search for the hero
inside yourself, yeah, yeah
# Search for the secrets
you hide... #
Ah, hello, Father.
Did you...? Is he...?
I'm sorry, we tried everything.
Ah, well,
I suppose I...I...
I better take him home.
A-ha!
- Ha!
- A-ha! Got you!
- What did you do?!
- Just did my best.
I don't know what to say.
Can I buy you a drink to celebrate?
Dougal, don't let Chris wander off.
- And keep that front door closed.
- Ok, Ted.
He's the best...fecking sheep ever.
His little sheep face...
And you have to say,
great sense of humour.
Really? Great.
He only cost ?23 - 23!
A clause says I have to pay more
if his image is used on stamps,
but still, a great bargain
for such a happy sheep.
(Sighs )
(Laughing)
- Is that Hud Hastings?
- Yeah.
Is he...wearing a crown?
(Laughing)
Yes, very good, yes.
(Drunk and laughing)
Very good, yes. Yes, bye!
Dougal, I notice
the front door is wide open.
Oh, er, it is, yes, Ted.
And I see we're currently sheepless.
Oh... Ahhh!
I told you to keep the door closed.
Now, hold it there, Ted.
(Ted) 'Don't let him wander off...'
(Howling)
- What's that?
- The beast!
Come on!
How do we know which way to go?
Sheep, like all wool-bearing animals,
travel north,
where it's colder
and they won't be so stuffy.
So, we have to go north.
Which way is north?
- I-I don't know.
- (Howling)
Quick!
It seems to be coming from
all around us.
The Sioux Indians could pinpoint
the exact location of buffalo
by looking at the moon
and putting their ears to the ground.
Ted, maybe it's coming
from that stereo.
(Howling)
- (Burp )
- Ted! It's Chris!
Is he all right?
He's fine! He must've realised
it was a big stereo in a tree!
Let's bring him home, Dougal.
I think I'm beginning to figure out
what's been going on.
Well, it's been an easy decision.
There's one out-and-out winner
and rather than waste time
with a speech
I'll get on with the job
of announcing the winner
who, today, has come first
in this competition
to see who the winner is
in the king of the Sheep competition
that we have all come to today
wondering who indeed
will it be, who wins the prize
of king of the Sheep.
The winner of this year's
king of the Sheep competition is...
- Stop!
- (All gasp )
Good God!
What is the meaning of this?
This competition is a sham
and a fraud and a...sham!
What?! How dare you!
There's been a deliberate
and scurrilous attempt
to sabotage
this high-profile sheep competition.
And those responsible
are in this very room.
- Giant Reed and Hud Hastings!
- (Shocked gasps )
- (Man ) Fuckin' hell!
- You'd better have some proof.
Oh, I do, I do.
You constantly chatted of
the so-called beast of Craggy Island,
always within
hearing distance of Chris.
Fargo, how's the champ?
(Baaing)
And you used a copy of
BBC Sound Effects Volume Five
to add weight
to those fanciful claims.
An impressionable sheep could not but
be convinced by "Terrible Monster".
Is this true?
Well, well, well.
What a pretty picture
Father Crilly has painted!
How dare you bring shame on
this celebration of sheep!
Don't be too hard on them -
sorry, your name?
- Alan.
- Don't be too hard on them, Alan,
they were simply pawns.
The real villain in this piece
has yet to be revealed.
Fargo Boyle!
- What?!
- (Shocked mutterings )
- (Man ) Fuckin' hell!
- That's nonsense!
I'll just go now and take my trophy.
You were disappointed
at the poor odds Chris was receiving.
You manipulated those odds
by sabotaging your own sheep
and then staging
a miraculous recovery.
You paid Giant and Hud to talk about
the beast in front of Chris.
Hud, Giant, hello there!
You didn't count on the vanity
of your accomplices
who used their wealth
to buy a fur coat...
and a crown!
And you bought
the BBC Sound Effects record.
You knew that with my intuitive
understanding of sheep,
I could nurse him back to health.
It was you, Fargo, you,
you...you!
Chris!
Chris, it's not true! It's not true!
No, no! Don't look at me,
don't look at me!
(Sobbing)
Should I call the police, Father?
No. He's lost the trust of his sheep.
That's punishment enough
for a farmer
who deals primarily with sheep.
If you'll excuse me, there's a stench
in here and I need some fresh air.
Ted, if Chris has been disqualified,
haven't you lost
the heating money on the bet?
I know it's a radical step,
but it's very, very cold.
See you in three months,
then, Ted.
Actually,
I'd better go to the toilet first.
- Oh, Hud, Giant, hello.
Chris is looking great
for the competition.
Thanks, lads.
Father Crilly, hello there!
Fargo, ha ha. How's the champ?
He's great.
A few quid on him, Father?
I've put the entire annual
heating allowance on him.
But what if he doesn't win, Father?
Well, we won't have any heating...
but if it stays as warm
as the summer we're laughing!
But come on, it's Chris -
he's the champ!
Talk about a safe bet!
Have you heard about this creature
going around terrorising sheep
on the island?
No. Tell me more.
They say it's as big as a jaguar.
The car?
No, the big cat thing!
And its face is all teeth,
big white teeth as sharp as knives.
- Has it killed yet?
- No, but it's only a matter of time.
Hope it doesn't get my sheep.
No man's sheep is safe.
Oh, dear!
Ohhhh!
Ohhhh!
Ohhhh!
Ohhhh!
Ohhhh!
Ohhhh!
Ohhhh!
- Ohhhh!!
- Oohhhhh!!!
(Giant) 'Has it killed yet?'
(Hud) 'It's only a matter of time...
'big white teeth as sharp as knives.
- 'Ohhhh...'
- (Howl)
(Silence )
(Birds singing)
(Tin cans rattling)
(Gunfire )
Dougal, give the album a rest.
Ted, come on, it's brilliant.
I think people will give up pop music
and listen to this instead.
What I hear in the charts, I'm not
sure if that's not happening already.
What?
This is so good though, Ted!
There's all kinds of things.
Like magic I can create
a big crowd of invisible ducks.
(Train whistle )
Or take you on a trip
into darkest Africa.
(Toilet flushing)
Or bring you into a spooky castle
on a stormy night.
(Telephone ringing)
Oooh!
Whooo!
Craggy Island parochial house,
Father Ted Crilly speaking.
- F-F-Father!
- Fargo?
F-Father, can you come over quick?!
Certainly, Fargo, what's the...?
(Click and dialling tone )
I'm going out Dougal,
something's up with Fargo.
Mrs Doyle,
you look terrible, doesn't she?
Awful, Ted.
I didn't get much sleep, Father.
I kept thinking I heard
this terrible howling noise.
- That'd be the beast.
- What's this, now?
There's something terrible
on the moors, Father.
(Spooky music)
Moors? We don't have any moors.
Well, there's something terrible
roaming around
where normally
there would be moors, Father!
They think it might be
a kind of giant fox!
(Thunder crashes )
- Dougal!
- Sorry.
It couldn't be Jack, could it?
Someone might mistake him
for a big mad cat.
Don't forget, during leap years
Jack is very much affected
by the changing of the seasons.
For a short while,
he is at one with nature.
He's great when he's in the mood.
If only it lasted longer.
(Vomits )
I better go and make some tea.
(Slurping and gurgling in time
with Mrs Doyle's footsteps )
I told you to turn that off.
But it is off.
(Slurping and gurgling continues )
What do you mean, Chris isn't in
the competition? He's the champ!
This talk of the beast
has got to him, his nerves are shot.
I took a photo this morning.
Nerves? It's a sheep!
He always had
a very artistic temperament.
He's not a concert pianist,
he's a sheep! I don't see how...
(Ted) Oh, my God.
I mean, when you compare it
with what he looked like last year...
It's like two
completely different sheep.
He's off his food...
He's not sleeping...
And he's started to burp.
(Sobbing) Oh, F-Father,
w-what am I going to do?
Fargo, pull yourself together.
Chris needs you now more than ever.
Come on, I want to see him.
But he doesn't want
to see anybody, Father!
Fargo, that's an order.
Take me to see Chris,
the unhappy sheep.
God, you should have seen him,
he's just a shadow of a sheep.
If I was a sheep,
I'd be watching my back right now.
Why?
Because of the beast.
They say it's as big as four cats
and it's got a retractable leg
so as it can leap up at you better.
And it lights up at night, Ted,
and it's got four ears,
two are for listening
and two are back-up ears,
and for some reason it's got
a tremendous fear of stamps!
Mrs Doyle says it's got magnets
so if you're made of metal
it'll stick to you,
and instead of a mouth
it's got four arses.
Dougal!
It's a legend, it doesn't exist.
Right, like the
Phantom of the Opera doesn't exist.
The Phantom of the Opera
doesn't exist!
Don't start another
what-does-exist debate.
Add those last two examples
to the chart.
- But...
- Dougal!
I'm more worried
about that bet I put on Chris.
- You don't think he'll win?
- No burping sheep has ever won.
What about Big Brendan in 1983?
Fluke.
Anyway, it's just the heating budget.
And look what the Weather News says.
That's last year's Weather News.
- What?
- This is this year's.
I'll see if John and Mary
will give me my money back.
I'll come too, see if they've
got Sound Effects Volume Five.
Fair enough. Good night, Dougal.
(Howling)
And some of his ears
are inside his head,
and his yawn sounds like
Liam Neeson chasing a load of hens...
(Ted) Hello, Fargo.
And he doesn't have any eyebrows,
except on Saturdays.
Oh! Ahh!
And you can stay in there
till you learn some fecking manners!
(Mary ) Let me out, you bastard!
(Banging)
And I've thrown away the key!
How do you like that, huh?
Hello, John.
Hello, Father Crilly!
- Hello, Father McGuire!
- (Banging stops )
Where's...where's Mary?
She's away at her mother's.
(Banging) No!
Is there, um, is there someone
in the cupboard?
(Mary ) Hello, Fathers.
Mary?
Mary, I forgot you were there,
I thought you were at your mother's.
(Mary ) No, I didn't go after all.
I'm in the cupboard.
What are you doing in there?
It's because of the beast,
I thought Mary would be safer
in the cupboard.
(Mary ) I'm better off here.
What can I do you for, Father?
A pack of 20 Carols.
(Mary ) Certainly, Father.
I'll get them, love. You stay there.
Er, John, can I have a word?
(Mary ) Is Father McGuire there?
I am. Hello, Mary.
(Mary ) Lovely day, isn't it?
Oh, yes.
(Mary ) You're looking great, anyway.
I'm sorry, Father, a bet's a bet.
But if she doesn't have the operation
she won't be able
to fetch water for her village.
I am sorry, Father.
You should've waited,
the odds have lengthened to 20-1
on account of
Chris's nervous troubles.
- Anyway, your cigarettes.
- Thanks.
They don't have
the sound effects album.
We might as well just go.
(Mary ) Bye, Fathers.
- Bye!
- Bye!
- (Mary ) I hope you're satisfied.
- Ahh, shut up!
Oof!
Look, there's Giant Reed.
Hello, Giant!
What are you thinking, Ted? Look at
the big serious look on your face.
Chris can't win this competition.
Ted, it's pointless
thinking about it.
There's nothing we can do
about the situation.
We just have to accept the fact
and that's that.
We could bring Chris over here,
that might help.
Oh, wow! Brilliant!
I knew there was something
we could do! Didn't I say it?
No. No, you didn't.
You said the exact opposite.
We couldn't do anything.
Ted, you've done this before,
so I took the liberty
of taping the conversation.
We'll just have a listen.
'Ted, it's pointless
even thinking about it.
'There's nothing we can do
about the situation.
'We just have to accept the fact
and that's that.'
I stand corrected.
(Baaing)
Oh... Ahh...
There he is now.
(Burps )
I'm still not sure
about this, Father.
We'll make him into a new sheep.
Or else a jumper
and a few chops! (Laughs )
I'm terribly sorry,
that was just tasteless.
I'll be off, then.
Ok. Seriously, if there's
one place for peace and quiet...
(Jack) Feck! Arse! Feck!
(Banging and crashing)
Feck! Feck! Feck! Arse...
(Muttering)
It would be an insult to you
if I finished that sentence.
You're up early, Father.
We're off to get Chris into shape
for the competition.
Do you think would our new guest
like a cup of tea?
The little sheep fellow?
I don't think they drink tea.
Not unless you have
some special "Sheep Tea".
Yes.
- What?
- I do have some sheep tea.
Oh, right... Well, um...
Give him some of that, then.
Ok, so.
It's nearly midday,
do we have to get up this early?
Has to be done, Dougal.
We've got to get Chris
from looking like this...
to looking like this.
( # M-People: Search For
The Hero Inside Yourself #)
# You've got to search for the hero
inside yourself
# Search for the secrets you hide
# Search for the hero inside yourself
# Until you find the key to your life
# Search for the hero
inside yourself, yeah, yeah
# Search for the secrets
you hide... #
Ah, hello, Father.
Did you...? Is he...?
I'm sorry, we tried everything.
Ah, well,
I suppose I...I...
I better take him home.
A-ha!
- Ha!
- A-ha! Got you!
- What did you do?!
- Just did my best.
I don't know what to say.
Can I buy you a drink to celebrate?
Dougal, don't let Chris wander off.
- And keep that front door closed.
- Ok, Ted.
He's the best...fecking sheep ever.
His little sheep face...
And you have to say,
great sense of humour.
Really? Great.
He only cost ?23 - 23!
A clause says I have to pay more
if his image is used on stamps,
but still, a great bargain
for such a happy sheep.
(Sighs )
(Laughing)
- Is that Hud Hastings?
- Yeah.
Is he...wearing a crown?
(Laughing)
Yes, very good, yes.
(Drunk and laughing)
Very good, yes. Yes, bye!
Dougal, I notice
the front door is wide open.
Oh, er, it is, yes, Ted.
And I see we're currently sheepless.
Oh... Ahhh!
I told you to keep the door closed.
Now, hold it there, Ted.
(Ted) 'Don't let him wander off...'
(Howling)
- What's that?
- The beast!
Come on!
How do we know which way to go?
Sheep, like all wool-bearing animals,
travel north,
where it's colder
and they won't be so stuffy.
So, we have to go north.
Which way is north?
- I-I don't know.
- (Howling)
Quick!
It seems to be coming from
all around us.
The Sioux Indians could pinpoint
the exact location of buffalo
by looking at the moon
and putting their ears to the ground.
Ted, maybe it's coming
from that stereo.
(Howling)
- (Burp )
- Ted! It's Chris!
Is he all right?
He's fine! He must've realised
it was a big stereo in a tree!
Let's bring him home, Dougal.
I think I'm beginning to figure out
what's been going on.
Well, it's been an easy decision.
There's one out-and-out winner
and rather than waste time
with a speech
I'll get on with the job
of announcing the winner
who, today, has come first
in this competition
to see who the winner is
in the king of the Sheep competition
that we have all come to today
wondering who indeed
will it be, who wins the prize
of king of the Sheep.
The winner of this year's
king of the Sheep competition is...
- Stop!
- (All gasp )
Good God!
What is the meaning of this?
This competition is a sham
and a fraud and a...sham!
What?! How dare you!
There's been a deliberate
and scurrilous attempt
to sabotage
this high-profile sheep competition.
And those responsible
are in this very room.
- Giant Reed and Hud Hastings!
- (Shocked gasps )
- (Man ) Fuckin' hell!
- You'd better have some proof.
Oh, I do, I do.
You constantly chatted of
the so-called beast of Craggy Island,
always within
hearing distance of Chris.
Fargo, how's the champ?
(Baaing)
And you used a copy of
BBC Sound Effects Volume Five
to add weight
to those fanciful claims.
An impressionable sheep could not but
be convinced by "Terrible Monster".
Is this true?
Well, well, well.
What a pretty picture
Father Crilly has painted!
How dare you bring shame on
this celebration of sheep!
Don't be too hard on them -
sorry, your name?
- Alan.
- Don't be too hard on them, Alan,
they were simply pawns.
The real villain in this piece
has yet to be revealed.
Fargo Boyle!
- What?!
- (Shocked mutterings )
- (Man ) Fuckin' hell!
- That's nonsense!
I'll just go now and take my trophy.
You were disappointed
at the poor odds Chris was receiving.
You manipulated those odds
by sabotaging your own sheep
and then staging
a miraculous recovery.
You paid Giant and Hud to talk about
the beast in front of Chris.
Hud, Giant, hello there!
You didn't count on the vanity
of your accomplices
who used their wealth
to buy a fur coat...
and a crown!
And you bought
the BBC Sound Effects record.
You knew that with my intuitive
understanding of sheep,
I could nurse him back to health.
It was you, Fargo, you,
you...you!
Chris!
Chris, it's not true! It's not true!
No, no! Don't look at me,
don't look at me!
(Sobbing)
Should I call the police, Father?
No. He's lost the trust of his sheep.
That's punishment enough
for a farmer
who deals primarily with sheep.
If you'll excuse me, there's a stench
in here and I need some fresh air.
Ted, if Chris has been disqualified,
haven't you lost
the heating money on the bet?
I know it's a radical step,
but it's very, very cold.
See you in three months,
then, Ted.
Actually,
I'd better go to the toilet first.