Father Knows Best (1954–1960): Season 4, Episode 6 - Mother Goes to School - full transcript

[Announcer] Here are...

with Elinor Donahue, Billy Gray,

and Lauren Chapin in...

Come on, Daddy. Come on.

Now, wait a minute, kitten.

Let me at least go in
and say hello to my wife.

She's not home yet. And
besides, you see her all the time.

And it isn't every day that you get to
come home to a good puppet show.

Well, that's true.

Where did you get
this contraption?

Traded Patty Davis my
broken record player for it.



She got gypped,
but she was the one

who wanted to make the trade.

Hard to say who
got gypped the worst.

Hello, folks. Howdy, folks.

I wonder where Sam is.

My, isn't it a lovely day?

[humming]

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Stop it, Sam. Stop it.

You're a bad boy, Sam.

Now, what are you
gonna do to apologize?

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

How'd you like it?
Pretty good show, huh?

Is that all there is to it?



Sure. Now it's your turn.

Oh, no, kitten. Now, wait.

Do something funny.

Well, I don't belong
to the puppet's union.

Bend down so I
can't see your head.

I don't think this
is my size stage.

It's a little tight
across the shoulders.

[Margaret] Goodbye,
Bren. See you tomorrow.

Oh, Mommy! Come here, Mommy.
I wanna show you something.

I got a puppet stage.
Want to see a show?

Oh, not right now, dear. I
want to talk to your father.

[Jim, high voice] What do you
want to see that old whipperdate for?

You should've married
someone like my husband Sam.

He's so gentlemanly and polite.

Ow! Don't! Help! Help! Help!

[deep voice] And now, tell me,
woman. Where have you been

when you should be home

cooking your husband
a fine chicken dinner?

Well, I was...

Oh, come on up out of there.

Yes, woman?

There's the silliest-looking
puppet I've seen yet.

- Very good, Daddy.
- Oh, and speaking
of silly things,

guess what Gwen
Phillips signed up for today.

- The Navy.
- Oh, no.

- She's going to school.
- School?

Why, Mrs. Phillips
is an old lady.

Well, she's no older than I am.

Well, gosh. What I mean is,

well, she couldn't fit
into those little chairs.

Oh, she's not starting
in kindergarten.

She's just gonna take
a class in junior college.

World history. She'll just be
there an hour each morning.

Oh, she kept suggesting
that I take a class, too.

Well, why don't you do it?

Oh, no. I wouldn't have time.

Well, why not? If it'd only
take an hour out of each day,

you wouldn't be
neglecting anything.

I think it's a darn good idea.

- It's high time you started
learning something.
- Well, no.

Of course, it is something

I've been thinking
about for a long time.

- Well, then, do it.
- Well, I don't know.

I'd hate to have to tell my friends
my mother was still in school.

- They'd think
she was awful dumb.
- Don't worry, Kathy.

And I'd be awful ashamed

if you got sent down
to the principal's office.

Well, now, I'm for it.

How about you, Sam?

[deep voice] Okay by me.

Well, there is this to consider.

If I accept that
secretary job at the PTA,

I'll have to write
out a lot of reports,

and, well, it wouldn't hurt
me to brush up on my English.

Oh, honey, stop
trying to justify this.

Education doesn't
need any justification.

Go on and sign
up. Or is it too late?

- The term starts Monday,
doesn't it?
- Well, yes, but...

Well, could you
still sign up then?

I already have.

- Huh?
- Oh, it was Gwen's idea.

I had to sign up
now or not at all.

I don't have to take the
class if it doesn't turn out.

[chuckling]

Oh, my goodness.

I'd better go in
and start dinner.

Well, what do you
think of that, Sam?

Mama's going to school.

Getting completely out of hand.

[deep voice] The
trouble with you, Jim,

is you don't know
how to handle it.

You oughta give
her a little of this.

School? You, Mom?

Oh, I think that's a
wonderful idea, Mother.

- Going to school
when you don't have to?
- What's wrong with that?

Mother, you must
have rocks in your head.

- Could be.
- I think it's a real cute
idea, Mother.

People should never stop learning.
What are you gonna wear Monday?

Well, I hadn't really
thought about it.

If you want to make a
good impression the first day,

wear something real cute.
Maybe that light blue print.

Just be sure you don't
dress like a matron.

Remember, you're in college now.

Oh, it's gonna be so much fun.

By the way, what
class are you taking?

Probably men's glee club.

A literature course.

The slip's in my handbag there.

- Have you told Father yet?
- Yes. He's all for it.

He is? Boy, I guess

I'm the only levelheaded
one left around here.

Your period 1 professor.

Wow! Mother, look! We're
in the same English class.

- Are we really?
- Isn't that wonderful?

Oh, Father, guess what.

Mother and I are in
the same English class.

How do you like that? Mother
and daughter in the same grade.

- That sounds like
a hillbilly family.
- Sure does.

Oh, we're gonna have
so much fun together.

And we can save money
by just buying one book.

Oh, you'll love Professor Brown.

- He's the main reason
I'm taking the course.
- Oh.

I just thought of
something else.

When they send you home
with a note for your mother,

who are you going
to give it to, huh?

Well, um, I guess you.

I'm not your mother.

Mother, hurry up, or
you'll be late for school.

That sounds silly.

Gruesome is the word.

Hurry up. Oh, say, if you're
gonna wear that blue print dress,

why don't you wear that
cute white belt of mine?

Is that what you're gonna wear?

Well, yes. Isn't it all right?

Well, you said not to look
like an old matron, didn't you?

Yes. Yes, but...

Well, this is what
you're wearing.

I didn't want to look
conspicuous, but...

- Oh, do I look awful?
- No, Mother. You look fine.

I guess I'll just have
to get used to you

looking like my girl friend
instead of my mother.

- Well, if you think
I ought to change...
- No. No, you look fine.

And besides, we'll have
to hurry. Bye, Father.

Goodbye. Remember,
now, no loitering after school,

trying to trap some young punk
into carrying your books home.

Oh, don't worry. I tried that

the last time I went to
college, and look what I got.

Bye.

Okay, now, try that verse again,

and this time, keep your
mind on what you're doing.

- The trouble with
you schoolkids is...
- Oh, hush.

Now, just forget those
kids outside playing and...

Will you please be quiet
and let me say my lines?

A thing of beauty
is a joy forever.

Its loveliness increases.

It will never pass
into nothingness, but...

Well, keep going.

Still will keep a quiet bower.

- Bower quiet.
- Oh, bower quiet.

Oh, Kathy, don't
bring that thing in here.

- I want to put
a show on for you.
- Not now.

Besides, I don't want that
big contraption in the house.

Bud, help her take it back out.

But I've worked up
a real good show.

Some show. Hello, folks.
Howdy, folks. Rap, rap, rap.

Those puppets have been hit on the
head so many times, they're punchy.

Come on. Let's get this
contraption outdoors.

Then will you come
outside and see my show?

Oh, I can't right now,
angel. I have to study.

The way you have
to study all the time,

you must be awful
dumb in school.

She thinks you're a
pretty hopeless case.

Oh, yes. No hope for me at all.

- Oh, Keats, huh?
- Mm-hmm.

Keats, Shelley,
Byron, Wordsworth.

We're stumbling through
the Romantic poets.

It's amazing how much
more fun it is to read poetry

when you're doing it
because you want to,

not because you're required to.

You're really enjoying
this, aren't you?

Oh, I just love it.

I'm enjoying it so
much, I almost feel guilty.

Oh, don't feel guilty. You're
not neglecting anything.

You're only there an
hour in the morning.

By the way, where's
Betty, your classmate?

- I thought you were
gonna study together.
- We were.

At least we started out that
way a week ago, but now...

I don't know.

I guess she thinks I'm
just too much of a square.

Oh, naturally. In
fact, I don't think

that she's very enthusiastic
about me going to school.

I thought she was
tickled to death about it.

Well, she was at first.

But now...

Well, I don't know
if I'm imagining this,

but it seems to me
she sits there in class

eyeing me with
downright disapproval.

Oh, I'm sure you're
imagining that.

- [Betty] Mother.
- I don't know.

- I'm in the kitchen!
- [door opens]

Mother, are you through
with the literature book?

No, but you go
ahead and take it.

No, if you're not finished.

Oh, I can't use it while
I'm working anyway.

- Here. Take it.
- Oh. All right.

Mother, I don't want
you to misunderstand me,

but in class, do you
have to talk so much?

Talk so much?

Do you have to
ask Professor Brown

so many questions all the time?

I always thought

that's what you were supposed
to do... learn all you can.

Oh, of course. But sometimes...

Oh, now, Mother, I
don't want you to think

I'm inferring that your
questions are dumb.

Just stupid.

No. Now, don't take
offense. I... I just mean that...

Well, they waste
a lot of time...

Waste a lot of the
other students' time.

Oh? Did the other
students mention this?

Oh, no. No. No, they
wouldn't say anything.

Oh, and another thing.
I wish you wouldn't say

"In discussing this poem
with my daughter last night."

- Just leave me out of this.
- Yes.

All right.

Now, there. You see?
I'm not imagining things.

Why does she suddenly
disapprove of me going to school?

I don't know.
But whatever it is,

I sure wouldn't worry about it.

"She was a phantom of delight

"when first she
gleamed upon my sight.

"A lovely apparition
sent to be a...

A... a moment's ornament."

That must be some
course you're taking, Mom.

You've only been
in it for two weeks,

and already it's taken
40 years off your life.

- 40? Oh, come now.
- Oh, it couldn't possibly
be 40, Bud.

I wouldn't say over, uh, 37.

- Oh, hush.
- [chuckling]

You know, maybe Mom's
got the right idea after all.

I mean, going to
school at her age.

I might try that. I could drop out
of school now and have some fun,

and then go back to school

when I'm old and don't
have anything else to do.

Well, that's fine. But
just remember this.

You're gonna get mighty
tired making that long walk

from the county poor farm
to the school every day.

Who wants to come out and
see my brand-new puppet show?

- Come on, Daddy.
- Oh, not now, kitten.

You have to eat your breakfast.
You have to go to school.

Boy, school sure
mixes everything up.

Oh, look out. You'll spill it.

Say, what are you
all made up for?

I'm not made up for anything.

Mother, do you mind if I
wear this outfit of yours?

- Well, no, but...
- Planning on haunting
the house?

All my clothes make
me look so... juvenile.

Well, you look more like
Mom's mother than her daughter.

No, I'd say more
like Whistler's Mother.

What do you want me to
do, run around in rompers?

Oh, I'll see you later. Bye.

Wait a minute. You
haven't had your breakfast.

Well, I haven't time now. I
want to get to school early.

Bye.

Now, what was the
idea of that getup?

Oh, can't you see?
It's as plain as day.

It's her way of
trying to tell me

that I'm not dressing my age.

She's setting an example for me.

Oh, for Pete's sake.

Well, guess I better
change my clothes.

- Now, don't you do that.
- What I should do
is wear a shawl.

No. What I should do
is drop out of school.

No. Now, definitely
don't do that.

- Women.
- Yeah.

And to think that's what
I have to grow up into.

You want the book?

- Adams?
- Here.

- Alcorn?
- Here.

- Anderson, Betty?
- Here.

- Anderson, Margaret?
- Oh. Here.

Bailey?

Oh, by the way, Betty,

this notice came for you
from the registrar's office.

Your request for transfer
to another literature class

has been granted.

You're to go to the
registrar's office after class

and get your new schedule.

Well, Betty, I...

I'm very sorry this schedule
didn't work out for you.

I don't like losing
a good student.

They're hard to come by.

And if you leave,

your mother will
probably flunk the course.

[students chuckling]

Let's see. Where
were we? Oh, yes.

Bailey?

Carson?

Fredericks?

Hopkins?

Leslie?

Williams?

Foster?

And she wouldn't even
look at me during class.

And after it was over,
I tried to talk to her,

but she said she had to
rush to the registrar's office.

What do you suppose has
gotten into that head of hers?

Why would she want
to transfer out of a class

she particularly
wanted to be in?

It's on account of me.

Oh, that's silly. Now,
why would that be?

Well, that's just
it. I don't know.

Oh, she was so happy when
I started this school thing.

Especially when it turned
out we were in the same class.

Why, at first, we walked
together, we studied together.

Everything was
great. But then...

Now, what have I done
to make her dislike me?

Honey, she doesn't dislike you.

Well, she's gone to pretty great
lengths to get away from me.

Oh, I think you're making
too much out of this.

Betty's just acting absurd,
as daughters will sometimes...

She must have a reason.

Oh, I thought for a while,

it was just that she felt
I wasn't acting my age...

Oh, dressing too
young and all...

And that it embarrassed her.

That doesn't seem to be it.

At least not all of it.

Well, now, honey...

No, she obviously disapproves

of everything I do now.

We don't get along
at home, either.

Can't agree on anything.

I feel as though I'm sitting
on a keg of dynamite.

What am I doing that is wrong?

Nothing.

Oh, there has to be something.

Oh, I know one thing.

I'm gonna give
up this school idea,

stay home where I belong.

No. Now, I don't
want you to do that.

She's just going through
one of those ridiculous

but normal periods
when a child disapproves

of everything a parent does.

- No. No, I...
- You let me talk to her.

I'm sure we can clear this up.

- Look, do you have
any shopping to do?
- Shopping?

I know you can find
some of that to do.

So you go do it and be
back here in about an hour,

and I'll take you to lunch

in some secluded,
romantic... delicatessen.

And I'll tell some
hilarious jokes,

perform a few tablecloth tricks,

and in no time at all,
my irresistible charm

will completely nauseate you.

Well, I still think
I should drop out.

[sighs]

- [door opens]
- Oh, you're back already?

Oh, it's you.

What are you doing here?

Aren't you supposed
to be in school?

Well, some of my classes are
being changed around today, and...

Father, I want to talk to you.

Well, fine. This
must be visitors' day.

Your mother was
here just a while ago.

Mother? What was she doing here?

Oh, she just stopped
by on her way shopping.

Oh.

Did she, uh...

Did she mention anything

about me transferring
out of the English class?

Let's see. Um...

Yes, I believe
she did mention it.

Uh, how did that happen?

I did it deliberately.

Now, I know you'll
be on Mother's side,

but try to understand me.

I'll do my best.

I didn't want it to
happen the way it did.

I thought it would
take several days

for the transfer to go through.

It would give me some time
to, well, think up some excuses,

sort of prepare Mother for it.

But there it was, like
an atom bomb. Pow!

What do you mean,
think up some excuses?

Was the real reason so
horrible, you can't tell her?

You know, there's the
idiotic part of this whole thing.

I don't know what the reason is.

You don't know?

All I know is that
suddenly I just hated

having Mother in
that class with me.

I couldn't figure any
way to get her out,

so I decided to get out myself.

Well, now, that just
doesn't make any sense.

Why should you hate to
have your mother in the class?

What does she do that
bothers you so much?

Oh, well...

She always...

Well, I don't like the way

she opens her book as
though she'd written it.

And the way she taps
her pencil on the desk.

- You mean little things
like that?
- See?

I knew you'd be on her side.

Oh, no, I didn't indicate that.

But it does seem to me
that you're battling windmills.

You're manufacturing things.

You evidently have no reason
for the way you're acting.

No? Well, then, tell me,

why is it I feel fine in
all my other classes,

but the minute I walk
into that English class,

Mother makes me
feel so uncomfortable,

I can hardly stand it.

But why?

Father, you know
what I'm afraid of?

I'm afraid I just don't
like Mother anymore.

Oh, now, that's just silly...

I know it's an awful thing
to say, but it could happen.

Maybe we're together too much.

- Maybe if I stayed over
at Dotty's for a few days...
- No...

I've already talked to Dotty
about it, and she says it's okay.

Now, look, here's what
I wish you'd do for me.

Just tell Mother that I had to
transfer out of that English class

because of a conflict
in my history class and...

No, I won't.

In the first place,
it's not the truth.

In the second place, she'd
know it wasn't the truth.

And in the third place, I want
you to talk to her about this.

Oh, no. No, I just
can't face her right now.

Well, Betty, you
have to face things.

The only way to clear up
things... absurd things like this...

Is to get them off your chest.

- Your mother will be back
here in a few minutes...
- Back here?

- Oh, no,
I can't see her right now.
- Oh, now, wait.

Oh, Betty. What
are you doing here?

I, uh... I just dropped by.

I have to hurry back to
school now. See you later.

Yeah, see you later. At home!

What do you mean
by that... At home?

Oh, she had some ridiculous idea

she was gonna spend a
few days at Dotty's, studying.

Good heavens. Is she trying to
get away from me at home, too?

No. Oh, she's so mixed up,

she doesn't know whether
she's coming or going.

Come on. Let's
eat. I'm starving.

Oh, what am I doing to
make her dislike me so much?

It has something to do
with college. But what?

She liked the idea of me going.

- Then...
- [clapping]

Thank you, audience.

Now, for the famous
show called Faline,

the famous dancer who
dances with a busted heart

because her lover Harold

gives her the sack for Carlotta.

It is very sad.

Psst. Psst. Come on, Carlotta.

The coast is clear.
Faline isn't here.

Oh, Harold, I love you.

Uh-oh. Cut it.
Here comes Faline.

I'll meet you at the bus
depot, and we'll elope.

Go.

Faline, I can't dance
in our big act tonight

because I have a
stummyache or something.

But, Harold, we've danced
many times on a bad stomach.

Remember all those years

when we were starving
to death in cheap theaters?

Are you leaving me now
for that old Carlotta? So...

[deep voice] So what
if I am? Ha ha ha ha!

[normal voice]
Oh, life is so cruel.

Now I must go out and
dance for the audience, alone.

♪ Faline is dancing ♪

♪ With a busted heart ♪

♪ She looks so white and pale ♪

♪ But beautiful ♪

♪ Fake tears ♪

♪ Are rolling down her pale... ♪

Ooh!

Oh, Faline, you dance with
such a beautiful busted heart.

How long have you
been standing there?

Ever since that bum Harold
got himself a stomachache.

You ought to be ashamed
of yourself, spying on me.

I wasn't spying on...
Well, don't push.

- You have no...
- I was just enjoying the show.

You have no right to come
around here poking on me!

Well, just hold on. You know,
you don't own the whole world.

Well, no, but...

Well, this is a different world.

- What do you mean, different?
- Oh, I don't know.

I can't explain it.

Everything seemed
so wonderful and real.

And I was somebody
awful important.

And then when you
came poking around here,

you made me feel silly.

You spoiled everything.

So you have to get out.

My heavens,
that's it. That's it!

It's so simple. Why
couldn't I see it?

Mommy, make Bud
come in the house.

I wasn't doing anything.

She keeps hollering for
somebody to go out there

and watch her old puppet
show, and then when I do...

- Kathy's right.
- Huh?

You didn't understand
what you were doing

- any more than I did.
- But I...

Shh. It's an important call.

Hello? Oh, this is Mrs.
Margaret Anderson.

Uh-huh.

Yes, well, all right,
Janie. Goodbye.

No, Betty's not
at Janie's either.

Well, try Dotty again.

Honey, we've called
her three times.

She said Betty left
there two hours ago.

Maybe she went back there.
She has to be someplace.

Oh, honey, now, stop
worrying. I'm sure she's all right.

But Dotty said she seemed awfully
upset when she left there, and...

- [door opens]
- Betty?

Well, here's your
prodigal daughter.

I suppose you've been worried.

- Worried? No. Why should...
- Yes, we were.

- Where have you been?
- Walking.

Thinking.

Father, I hate to
admit you're right,

but I guess it is better
to talk things out.

So here I am.

Mother, I know how
I've hurt you, and...

- Betty...
- No. Don't stop me
now that I've started.

Call me what you will...

Ingrate, girl cad,

miserable daughter.

But for some reason,

I just don't like having
you in that class with me.

Now, it isn't that I don't love
you as much as ever, but...

Wait. I know the reason.

- I learned it from Kathy.
- From Kathy?

Kathy was having
a wonderful time

playing in a make-believe world.

She was an
important person in it.

Then Bud accidentally
stumbled into her world.

Destroyed it. Reduced her back

to just a little girl.

- That's what I've done to you.
- What?

I stumbled into your world.

Well, you were a person...
Independent, important.

Then I came along

and reduced you to
just a mother's daughter.

And I should have my head
examined for not knowing better.

You? But what about me?
The awful way I acted...

That was perfectly normal.

We all have these...
These private little worlds.

Parent as well as
children have them,

and these worlds
should be respected.

Anyway, it's all
straightened out now,

and you're back
in the English class.

Oh, no, I've definitely
been transferred out.

No, you're back in.
I called the college.

- I've dropped out instead.
- You dropped...

- Oh, Mother, I don't
want you to do that.
- I know you don't.

That's why I've signed for
an adult evening class instead.

In fact, I've almost talked
your father into joining me.

Yes. I've been looking
over the courses.

There's one here I
particularly have my eye on...

Elementary Basket Weaving.

Oh.

There's another one
here... Animal husbandry.

You know, if they can make
good husbands out of animals,

maybe they can do
something for me.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA