Father Knows Best (1954–1960): Season 3, Episode 34 - The Art of Romance - full transcript

Bud's family interferes with his love life.

♪ ♪

Narrator: ROBERT YOUNG...

AND JANE WYATT...

- WITH ELINOR DONAHUE,
BILLY GRAY, AND LAUREN CHAPIN

IN FATHER KNOWS BEST.

♪ ♪

WHERE YOU OFF TO?

- OH, JUST THOUGHT
I'D GO TO THE LIBRARY.

- YOU'RE GOING TO THE
LIBRARY AGAIN TONIGHT?

- YEAH.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH
GOING TO THE LIBRARY?



- WELL, YOU WENT TO THE
LIBRARY LAST NIGHT, DIDN'T YOU?

- YEAH.
- AND THE NIGHT BEFORE.

- AND THE NIGHT BEFORE THAT.

- THE RATE YOU'RE GOING,

THE LIBRARIAN IS GONNA THINK
YOU'RE PART OF THE FURNITURE.

- WELL, I GOT A LOT
OF STUFF TO LOOK UP.

AND YOU ALWAYS SAY, THE TREASURE
OF KNOWLEDGE IS IN THE LIBRARY.

- TRUE, BUT I DIDN'T EXPECT
YOU TO MINE IT ALL IN ONE WEEK.

- WELL, CAN I GO NOW?
- OF COURSE.

WE HAVE NO OBJECTIONS,
WE'RE JUST CURIOUS.

WHAT'S THE BIG ATTRACTION
AT THE LIBRARY, BOOKS?

- FATHER, HELP!

HELP, FATHER!

- HOLD IT! HOLD
IT! WAIT A MINUTE!



UH, WHAT IS THIS?

- OH, IT'S A BOX OF DECORATIONS.

THINGS I HAVE LEFT
FROM THE JUNIOR PROM

WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL.

BRING THAT IN THE LIVING ROOM,
WOULD YOU PLEASE, FATHER?

REMEMBER THESE?

- OH, I REMEMBER THE NIGHTS WE
WORKED PASTING THEM TOGETHER.

- WHY ARE YOU DRAGGING
THIS STUFF OUT FOR?

- OH, THE HIGH SCHOOL
PROM IS NEXT WEEK

AND MARGE CORBETT'S SISTER IS
ON THE DECORATION COMMITTEE.

I... I TOLD HER SHE COULD
HAVE THESE THINGS.

- THE HIGH SCHOOL
PROM IS NEXT WEEK?

- UH-HUH.

- STRANGE, BUD HASN'T
SAID ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

I WONDER IF HE PLANS TO GO.

- HE PROBABLY WILL IF
THEY HOLD IT AT THE LIBRARY.

- GUYS, THAT REMINDS ME, I
HAVE TO GO TO THE LIBRARY.

- YOU TOO?
- UH-HUH.

WE HAVE A SOCIOLOGY
REPORT DUE MONDAY.

MARGE IS BRINGING JUDY BY
LATER TO PICK UP THE DECORATIONS.

- JUDY WHO?

- JUDY CORBETT,
MARGE'S LITTLE SISTER.

FATHER, DON'T YOU EVER
GET ANYTHING STRAIGHT?

- I GET THINGS STRAIGHT IF
YOU TELL ME WHO PEOPLE ARE.

HOW WAS I SUPPOSED
TO KNOW WHO JUDY WAS?

UM, WELL, IF JUDY COMES
BY BEFORE I GET BACK,

YOU GIVE HER THE DECORATIONS,

AND, UH, TELL MARGE I'LL SEE
HER AT SCHOOL TOMORROW.

- ALL RIGHT. ANYTHING ELSE?

- NO, JUST TELL HER...
- I'VE GONE TO THE LIBRARY.

YES, FATHER.

- "FATHER, DON'T YOU EVER
GET ANYTHING STRAIGHT?"

- MOMMY, IS THIS PART OF
BETTY'S PROM DECORATIONS?

- UH-HUH.

PUT THEM INTO THAT BOX
THERE WITH THE OTHER THINGS.

- DID BETTY MAKE THIS?
- I THINK SO.

- YOU KNOW SOMETHING, DADDY?

BETTY IS THE SMARTEST GIRL
IN THE WHOLE WORLD, I BET.

- OH, UNDOUBTEDLY.

- HI, MARGE.
- OH, HI.

- SOCIOLOGY.
- YEAH, ME TOO.

- WE'RE GONNA STOP BY YOUR HOUSE

TO GET THE PROM
STUFF ON THE WAY HOME.

- FINE. OH, IT'S A
PRETTY BIG BOX.

YOU BETTER DRIVE IN THE PATIO.

- OH, THANKS, BETTY.
JUDY AND I CAN HANDLE IT.

- IS JUDY HERE WITH YOU?

- UH-HUH. OVER THERE.

YOUR BROTHER
AND MY LITTLE SISTER

HAVE SUDDENLY BECOME
VERY BOOK-CONSCIOUS.

THOSE TWO HAVE
BEEN SITTING THERE

AT THAT SAME TABLE
EVERY NIGHT THIS WEEK.

EVERY NIGHT JUDY SAYS, "OH,
I HAVE TO GO TO THE LIBRARY."

- WE'VE BEEN WONDERING

WHY BUD'S BEEN TRAIPSING
DOWN HERE EVERY NIGHT.

- THE HYSTERICAL PART OF
IT IS THEY DON'T DO ANYTHING.

THEY DON'T SPEAK.

THEY SCARCELY
LOOK AT EACH OTHER.

THEY JUST SIT THERE.

♪ ♪

- WELL, THEY KNOW
EACH OTHER, DON'T THEY?

- THEY MUST, THEY'RE IN THE
SAME CLASSES IN HIGH SCHOOL.

TALK ABOUT A WEIRD ROMANCE.

IT'S A REAL SILENT PICTURE.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- WHY DON'T THEY TALK?

- THEY'RE TERRIFIED
OF EACH OTHER.

WHY, IF SOMEONE SAID "BOO!"

THEY'D RUN IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

♪ ♪

- SEE YOU IN A MINUTE.

- HI, JUDY.
- OH, HELLO, BETTY.

- I FOUND THE
THINGS FOR THE PROM.

- YOU'LL BE BY LATER, HUH?
- OKAY. THANKS.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

CUT IT OUT, WILL YOU?
GET OUT OF HERE. GET...

- WELL, I FOUND OUT
WHAT'S BEEN DRAWING BUD

TO THE LIBRARY EVERY NIGHT.

- IT'S A GIRL!
- OH, I HAD A HUNCH THAT WAS IT.

- AND JUDY, NO LESS.

- JUDY WHO?

- MARGE CORBETT'S SISTER.

OH.

- I NEVER HEARD HIM
SPOKEN TO US ABOUT HER.

WELL, HE HASN'T
SPOKEN TO HER YET.

THEY'RE BOTH SO SHY,

THEY'RE AFRAID TO
LOOK AT EACH OTHER.

BUT JUDY HAS NO PROBLEM.

SHE HAS BUD HOOKED,
IT'S EASY TO SEE THAT.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN
SHE HAS HIM HOOKED?

- JUST WHAT I SAID.

- NOW, I RESENT THAT ATTITUDE.

BECAUSE A BOY FINDS
A GIRL ATTRACTIVE

AND SHOWS A LITTLE
INTEREST IN HER,

YOU CLAIM SHE HAS HIM HOOKED.

WELL, SHE HAD.

- OH, SHE HAS
NOTHING OF THE KIND.

- OH, DEAR, YOU KNOW
WHAT SHE MEANT.

- IT ISN'T WHAT SHE MEANT.
THIS APPLIES TO ALL WOMEN.

YOU INSIST ON
TAKING ALL THE CREDIT.

WHEN A MAN OF HIS OWN
VOLITION AND FREE CHOICE

SELECTS A GIRL HE LIKES,

THE GIRL IMMEDIATELY
CLAIMS SHE HOOKED HIM.

CHANCES ARE SHE HAD
NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

- OH, FATHER, YOU ARE NAIVE.

- WELL, YOU KNOW
THE OLD SAYING DEAR,

"A GIRL LETS A BOY CHASE
HER TILL SHE CATCHES HIM."

- OH, MARGARET.

- WELL, THAT'S HOW I CAUGHT YOU.

- WHAT NONSENSE.

WHY DO WOMEN INSIST
ON PRESERVING THAT MYTH?

♪ ♪

- WHAT'S EVERYBODY
STARING AT ME FOR?

- ANYTHING YOU WANT TO TELL US?

- NO, NOTHING.

- MOMMY, COME AND HELP ME!

- COMING!

♪ ♪

- HOW ARE THINGS AT THE LIBRARY?

- OH. WELL, I FOUND A
REALLY INTERESTING BOOK.

- WHAT'S HER NAME?
- JUDY CORBETT.

I... I MEAN...

WELL, I GUESS BETTY
TOLD YOU, HUH?

OL' BIG MOUTH.

- OH, BUD, THERE'S NO REASON
WHY WE SHOULDN'T KNOW ABOUT HER.

THERE'S NOTHING
TO BE ASHAMED OF.

COME ON, GIVE ME THE
SCOOP. WHAT'S SHE LIKE?

- WELL, SHE'S PRETTY
CUTE, SORT OF.

IF I COULD JUST GET
ACQUAINTED WITH HER,

I THOUGHT, MAYBE I MIGHT
ASK HER TO GO TO THE PROM.

- WELL, SHE'S IN YOUR
CLASS AT SCHOOL, ISN'T SHE?

- YEAH, BUT I... I DON'T KNOW.

SHE JUST DOESN'T
LIKE ME, THAT'S ALL.

JUST DOESN'T LIKE ME.

- WELL, HOW DO YOU KNOW?

- I'VE BEEN SITTING
NEXT TO HER EVERYDAY

IN THE LIBRARY FOR A WEEK
AND SHE HASN'T SAID ONE WORD.

- WELL, THAT DOESN'T MEAN
THAT SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU.

SHE'S PROBABLY JUST WAITING
FOR YOU TO BREAK THE ICE.

- OH, I DON'T KNOW.
THAT ICE IS PRETTY THICK.

- NOW, THAT'S THE
WRONG ATTITUDE.

DON'T WAIT AROUND FOR
SOME GIRL TO SNEAK UP

AND THROW A NET OVER YOU.

YOU'RE THE MAN. YOU
MAKE THE FIRST MOVE.

IF YOU LIKE JUDY, IT'S UP TO YOU

TO OVERCOME HER
SHYNESS AND RESERVE.

PROVE TO HER THAT YOU'RE
THE KIND OF A BOY SHE'LL LIKE.

- WELL, HOW DO I KNOW I'M
THE KIND OF GUY SHE LIKES?

AND HOW DO I KNOW?
MAYBE I'M THE KIND SHE HATES.

- BUD, THAT'S THE
WRONG WAY TO THINK.

YOU HAVE TO ASSUME THAT
SHE'S GOING TO LIKE YOU.

YOU HAVE TO BE
POSITIVE AND CONFIDENT.

GIRL LIKES A BOY
WHO TAKES COMMAND.

BE FIRM.

DON'T SIT AROUND

AND WAIT TO BE, UH, HOOKED.

- FATHER, WOULD YOU
TURN ON THE PATIO LIGHT?

THE GIRLS HAVE COME
FOR THE DECORATIONS.

- HELLO.

- HELLO.

- I'M JUDY CORBETT.

- IS BETTY HERE?

- YES. COME IN, JUDY.

BETTY, JUDY'S HERE!

- HI, JUDY.

I'M UPSTAIRS. COME ON UP.

- SO THAT'S JUDY.

SEEMS LIKE A NICE GIRL.

PRETTY, TOO.

SHE'S ALL RIGHT.

- YEAH, BUT, DAD, YOU COULD
TELL THE WAY SHE ACTED,

SHE DOESN'T LIKE ME.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN
"THE WAY SHE ACTED"?

SHE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

JUST BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T
GIGGLE AND BAT HER EYES AT YOU

DOESN'T MEAN SHE DISLIKES YOU.

GIVE HER A CHANCE.

- DID BUD LET YOU IN?

- NO. IT WAS YOUR FATHER.

BUD WAS THERE.

MARGE IS WAITING
FOR ME IN THE CAR.

- I WANNA TALK TO YOU
FOR A MINUTE. SIT DOWN.

- AND I WANT TO
TALK TO YOU, TOO.

BETTY...

WHY DOESN'T BUD LIKE ME?

- OH.

W... WHAT MAKES YOU
THINK HE DOESN'T?

- HE'S BEEN SITTING
BESIDE ME AT THE LIBRARY

EVERY NIGHT FOR A WEEK,
AND HE HASN'T SAID A WORD.

MAYBE I'M JUST A DUD.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

HE'S DEFINITELY
INTERESTED IN YOU.

NOW, WHY DO YOU THINK HE'S
BEEN RACING DOWN TO THE LIBRARY

EVERY NIGHT?

- BUT HE HASN'T SPOKEN TO
ME, AND I HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING.

I DIDN'T WANNA BE AGGRESSIVE.

- OH, THAT'S GOOD.

YOU'VE BEEN PLAYING
YOUR CARDS RIGHT.

YOU KNOW WHY HE'S INTERESTED?

BECAUSE YOU HAVE HIM CONFUSED.

HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE GONNA DO NEXT.

- HOW COULD HE?

I DON'T EVEN KNOW.

WELL, HE DOESN'T KNOW THAT.

HE THINKS YOU'RE
WAY AHEAD OF HIM.

- HE DOES?

- CERTAINLY.

THIS IS A CHALLENGE
TO HIS SUPERIORITY,

MAKES IT A CHASE, A GAME.

THIS IS WHAT A MAN LIKES.

- WHERE DID YOU
LEARN ALL THIS, BETTY?

NOTHING.

ONE OF THE MOST OBVIOUS
THINGS IN THE WORLD.

NOW, LET'S GET DOWN TO CASES.

HAVE YOU A DATE FOR THE PROM?

- NO.

I'VE BEEN STALLING, SORT
OF, HOPING BUD WOULD ASK ME.

- WELL, HE WILL IF
YOU PLAY IT RIGHT.

NOW, WHAT WE HAVE TO
DO IS, UM... STIR HIM UP,

GET HIM TO CHASE YOU.

- BUT HOW?

- WELL, THE BEST WAY TO START IS
GET HIM TO DO SOMETHING FOR YOU,

OH, ONLY LET HIM
THINK IT'S HIS IDEA.

THE BOX OF DECORATIONS
FOR THE PROM IS DOWNSTAIRS.

- YEAH?

- N... NOW, WHEN YOU GET
THERE, YOU JUST LOOK AT THE BOX,

AND SAY, UH, VERY INNOCENTLY,

"UH, I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN
CARRY THAT BOX OUT TO THE CAR."

- YEAH, OKAY.

- HE'LL CARRY THE
BOX OUT FOR YOU.

WELL, THIS WILL MAKE HIM FEEL
VERY GALLANT AND SUPERIOR.

AND THEN WHEN HE GET TO THE CAR,

IF YOU'RE LUCKY, HE'LL SAY, UH,

"SEE YOU AT THE LIBRARY
TOMORROW NIGHT?"

AND HERE'S WHERE TO
BUILD THE FIRE UNDER HIM.

JUST GIVE HIM A TEENY
SMILE AND YOU SAY,

"MAYBE."

THAT'LL DO IT.

IF THERE'S ONE WORD THAT GETS
A MAN EVERY TIME, IT'S "MAYBE."

- YOU REALLY UNDERSTAND MEN.

I'LL BET YOU'VE LIVED.

- PROBABLY THE BEST
WAY TO WIN HER OVER

IS TO DO SOME
SMALL FAVOR FOR HER,

SOME CONSIDERATE LITTLE ACT.

AND THIS IMPRESSES A GIRL.

SHE... SHE LIKES A
CONSIDERATE BOY.

BUT BE SURE YOU DO THIS
FAVOR WITHOUT HER ASKING YOU.

- WELL, IF SHE DOESN'T ASK,

HOW... HOW DO I KNOW WHAT
I'M SUPPOSED TO DO FOR HER?

- THAT'S THE TRICK, YOU
HAVE TO ANTICIPATE HER WISH.

NOW, IF THE GIRL ASKS
YOU TO DO HER THE FAVOR,

THE CHANCES ARE, SHE'S
SETTING THE OLD TRAP FOR YOU.

NOW, DON'T FALL FOR THAT.

- I WONDER WHAT I
COULD DO FOR HER.

- WELL, KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN.

WATCH YOUR CHANCE.

NOW, AFTER YOU'VE DONE
THIS UNEXPECTED LITTLE FAVOR,

KIND OF SURPRISED HER,

THAT'S THE TIME TO SUGGEST
ANOTHER MEETING AT THE LIBRARY.

SHE'LL JUMP AT THE CHANCE.

- YOU KNOW, THAT MIGHT WORK.

- SON, MAN TO MAN,
I GUARANTEE IT.

YOU'LL BE IN COMMAND
OF THE SITUATION,

AND YOU'LL KNOW
EXACTLY WHERE YOU STAND.

- I GOTTA HAND IT TO YOU, DAD.

YOU SURE KNOW ALL ABOUT WOMEN.

WELL...

- ALL THE THINGS ARE
THERE IN THAT BOX.

AND IF YOU NEED ANY
HELP, JUST CALL ME.

I'M AN OLD HAND AT
PUTTING UP DECORATIONS.

- I DO APPRECIATE THIS, BETTY,

AND I'LL BE VERY
CAREFUL OF EVERYTHING.

- OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

- I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN
CARRY THIS OUT TO THE CAR.

- WELL, UH, I'LL
CARRY IT OUT FOR YOU.

- OH, THANK YOU.

THANKS AGAIN, BETTY,
FOR EVERYTHING.

- WELL, GOOD LUCK...
WITH THE PROM.

- WE CAN PUT IT RIGHT IN HERE.

I DO APPRECIATE
YOU'RE HELPING ME.

I COULDN'T POSSIBLY
HAVE CARRIED IT BY MYSELF.

- OH, IT WAS NOTHING.

I'LL, UH, SEE YOU AT THE
LIBRARY TOMORROW, HUH?

- MAYBE.

GOOD NIGHT.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- WELL, IT WORKED
LIKE I SAID, DIDN'T IT?

- ARE YOU SURE YOU
KNOW ALL ABOUT WOMEN?

- YOU PRACTICING
FOR THE OLYMPICS?

NO, I'M JUST IN A HURRY.

GOTTA GET TO THE LIBRARY.

- NOW, HOLD ON A MINUTE.

LAST NIGHT YOU TOLD ME

JUDY SAID MAYBE SHE'D
BE AT THE LIBRARY TONIGHT.

SHE DIDN'T SAY DEFINITELY.

- OH, SHE'LL BE THERE.

I GOT TO THINKING
ABOUT IT LAST NIGHT.

THE WAY SHE KINDA SMILE
WHEN SHE SAID MAYBE.

SHE'LL BE THERE ALL RIGHT.

- OKAY, YOU KNOW IT ALL.

BUD, YOU'RE BEING TAKEN IN.

YOU'RE FALLING
FOR THE VERY THING

I CAUTIONED YOU
AGAINST IN THE BEGINNING.

- FALLING FOR WHAT?

- THE OLD FEMININE TRICK,
THE CAT AND MOUSE GAME.

CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT SHE'S DOING

WITH THIS "MAYBE" ROUTINE?

SHE'S PUTTING YOU
ON THE DEFENSIVE.

PUTTING YOU ON A POSITION

WHERE YOU'RE WONDERING
WHAT SHE'S GONNA DO NEXT.

- YOU THINK SHE'S DOING
THAT, UH, ON PURPOSE?

- CERTAINLY.

IT'S THE OLDEST TRICK IN
THE BOOK OF FEMININE WILE.

KEEP A MAN FEELING INSECURE,
KEEP HIM OFF BALANCE,

MAKE HIM CHASE.

IF YOU'LL TAKE MY ADVICE,

YOU WON'T GO NEAR
THE LIBRARY TONIGHT.

- YEAH, BUT SHE'LL BE THERE.

- WELL, OF COURSE,
SHE'LL BE THERE.

OF COURSE, SHE'LL BE LATE

TO MAKE SURE YOU GET THERE
FIRST AND HAVE TO WAIT FOR HER.

CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT SHE'S DOING?

SHE'S TRYING TO HOOK YOU.

- WELL, I DON'T REALLY MIND.

- I KNOW. IT'S THE
WRONG WAY TO START.

YOU HAVE A LOT TO
LEARN ABOUT GIRLS.

AND IF YOU DECIDE RIGHT NOW

YOU'RE NOT GONNA LET
THEM BAMBOOZLE YOU,

IT'LL SAVE YOU A LOT
OF HEADACHES LATER ON.

- WELL, THEN YOU DON'T THINK

I OUGHT TO GO TO THE
LIBRARY TONIGHT, HUH?

- WELL, I WOULDN'T.

- SHE'LL BE AWFUL
SORE IF I DON'T SHOW UP.

- NO, SHE WON'T.

SHE'LL RESPECT YOU.

OH, SHE'LL PROBABLY
PRETEND TO BE ANGRY

WHEN YOU SEE HER
AT SCHOOL TOMORROW.

BUT YOU SIMPLY TELL HER

THAT IF SHE WANTS TO MAKE A
DATE TO MEET YOU SOMEPLACE,

SHE CAN MAKE IT DEFINITE.

NO MORE MAYBE.

AND BELIEVE ME FROM THEREON,
YOU'LL HAVE NO MORE TROUBLE.

- MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.

- I KNOW I'M RIGHT.

♪ ♪

- OH, HEY, HELLO,
IS JUDY... JUDY?

THIS IS BETTY.

OH, I'M GLAD I CAUGHT YOU.

LOOK, DON'T GO TO
THE LIBRARY TONIGHT.

- BUT I'M ALL DRESSED AND READY.

WHY SHOULDN'T I GO?

- BECAUSE BUD WON'T BE THERE.

THE SNEAKY CHARACTER

IS GETTING ADVICE
FROM HIS FATHER.

THIS SHOWS YOU HOW
FAR YOU CAN TRUST MEN.

- BETTY, I'M NOT UNGRATEFUL.

I APPRECIATE YOU'RE
HELPING ME AND ALL.

BUT WOULDN'T IT BE
EASIER IF YOU JUST TOLD BUD

I'D LIKE TO GO TO
THE PROM WITH HIM?

- OH, NO. THAT'D BE THE
WORST THING YOU COULD DO.

JUDY, HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN
EVERYTHING I'VE TOLD YOU?

WELL...

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

- WE'RE GOING TO COUNTERATTACK.

AT EXACTLY 8:30 THIS EVENING,
YOU PHONE ME FROM YOUR HOUSE.

RIGHT, 8:30. BYE.

- A LITTLE COACHING
FROM THE SIDELINES?

- WELL, IF FATHER KEPT
HIS BIG NOSE OUT OF THIS,

EVERYTHING WOULD
HAVE BEEN ALL RIGHT.

- AS IT IS NOW, WE
HAVE TWO BIG NOSES IN.

NOW, WHY DIDN'T YOU
LEAVE BUD AND JUDY ALONE?

THEY WOULD HAVE
WORKED THEIR PROBLEM OUT.

MOTHER, YOU SOUND
PRACTICALLY SUBVERSIVE.

YOU KNOW PERFECTLY
WELL THAT THE RELATIONSHIP

BETWEEN A BOY AND GIRL IS
ONE OF PERPETUAL CONFLICT,

A... A COMPETITION
FOR SUPREMACY.

NOW THE GIRL HAS TO RETAIN
THE INITIATIVE AT ALL COST.

YOU... YOU KNOW...

♪ ♪

- BUD'S GETTING HIS FIRST LESSON

ON HOW TO HANDLE
A CONNIVING FEMALE.

THE SOONER HE LEARNS THAT
HE'S GOT TO KEEP THE UPPER HAND,

AND NOT BE LED AROUND
LIKE A MONKEY ON A STRING,

THE BETTER OFF HE WILL BE.

AFTER JUDY SITS AROUND THAT
LIBRARY FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS

AND BUD DOESN'T SHOW UP,
HE'LL REALIZE SHE CAN'T FOOL HIM

WITH THAT FEMALE HANKY-PANKY.

AND SHE'LL THINK A LOT
MORE OF HIM FOR IT, TOO.

- MEN THINK THEY'RE SO CLEVER,
AND I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY.

THEY NEVER OUTSMARTED US YET.

HEY, IT'S 8:30.

SHE'S BEEN SITTING AT THE
LIBRARY FOR HALF AN HOUR NOW.

- WELL, SERVES HER RIGHT.

- YEAH.

YOU KNOW, IT KINDA
PROVES SHE LIKES ME TOO,

- DOESN'T IT, DAD?
- OF COURSE, IT DOES.

SHE WANTS YOU TO CHASE
HER UNTIL SHE CATCHES YOU.

- YEAH. WELL, I'M NOT
CHASING ANY GIRLS.

THAT'S THE TICKET.

- YOU KNOW, I... I... I'D LIKE
TO PEEK IN THE WINDOW

AT THE LIBRARY NOW.

I BET SHE'S THERE LOOKING
AROUND, WONDERING WHERE I AM

PLAYING WORRIED, HUH?

- LET HER WORRY. DO HER GOOD.

- OH, THAT'S JUDY.

ANSWER THAT WILL YOU,
BUD? IT'S PROBABLY FOR YOU.

- HELLO?

- HELLO.

IS... IS BETTY THERE?

- BETTY? OH, IS THIS JUDY?

OH, ARE YOU AT THE LIBRARY?

AT HOME?

- I... I COULDN'T GO.

I'M AWFUL SORRY, BUD.

BUD?

- BETTY, TELEPHONE.

- I'LL TAKE IT IN THE KITCHEN.

JUDY? THIS IS BETTY.

OH, YOUR TIMING WAS
PERFECT. YOU FRACTURED HIM.

- BUT I DON'T WANNA
FRACTURE HIM.

I JUST WANT HIM TO
ASK ME TO THE PROM.

OH, HE WILL. HE WILL.

THIS IS ALL LEADING
HIM UP TO IT.

JUDY, YOU'RE NOT
MAKING HIM ANGRY.

UH, JUDY, LISTEN.

♪ ♪

- NOW, WHAT?

- THAT WAS JUDY. SHE
DIDN'T GO TO THE LIBRARY.

SHE DIDN'T?

- DAD, I DON'T MEAN TO BE
DISRESPECTFUL, BUT, UH,

YOU AND YOUR THEORIES ON
WOMEN AREN'T HELPING ME AT ALL.

IN FACT, YOU'RE JUST
GETTING ME IN TROUBLE.

- WELL, I'M SORRY, BUD, I...

NOW, SHE KNOWS I
DIDN'T GO TO THE LIBRARY,

AND SHE'S PROBABLY SORE.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN "SHE'S SORE"?

IF SHE DIDN'T GO TO THE LIBRARY,
THEN WHY SHOULD YOU GO?

- WELL, SHE NEVER SAID SHE
WAS GONNA GO IN THE FIRST PLACE.

SHE SAID MAYBE SHE'D GO.

YOU WERE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME
SHE WAS GOING AND TOLD ME NOT TO GO.

- JUDY, THERE WAS NO POINT
IN YOUR GOING TO THE LIBRARY

IF HE WASN'T GONNA BE THERE?

- WELL, IF HE WASN'T
THERE AND I WASN'T THERE,

HOW WOULD ANYBODY
KNOW IF ANYBODY WAS THERE?

- JUDY, YOU... YOU'RE
GETTING ALL MIXED UP.

NOW... NOW, LISTEN...

- THIS WAS ALL YOUR IDEA, DAD.

SHE WASN'T PLAYING ANY
CAT AND MOUSE GAMES.

NOBODY WAS TRYING TO GET
ANYBODY TO CHASE ANYBODY.

JUDY PROBABLY DIDN'T KNOW
FOR SURE IF SHE COULD GO

TO THE LIBRARY TOMORROW NIGHT,

SO SHE SAID, "MAYBE."

SHE WAS JUST BEING HONEST.

GIRLS CAN BE HONEST, YOU KNOW?

- HMM, GOT TO BE SOMETHING
WRONG SOMEWHERE.

WOMEN HAVEN'T CHANGED OVERNIGHT.

♪ ♪

- I GUESS I DON'T
UNDERSTAND THIS.

WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW?

- WHAT NOW?

WELL, LET ME SEE.

OH, I... I... I BETTER
CALL YOU BACK LATER.

DON'T WORRY. BYE.

YOU WANNA USE THE PHONE?

- NO.

I'D LIKE TO ASK YOU A
COUPLE OF QUESTIONS.

- OH, LATER, FATHER, I WAS...

HELPING MOTHER WITH THE DISHES.

- COME BACK HERE.

HAVE YOU, BY ANY CHANCE,

HAD YOUR FINE LITTLE HAND IN
THIS BUD AND JUDY BUSINESS?

WELL, SHE'S A SISTER OF A
VERY GOOD FRIEND OF MINE, AND...

- AHA, I THOUGHT SO.

THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.
YOU WERE MEDDLING.

- I WAS MEDDLING?

YOU WERE THE ONE
WHO WAS MEDDLING.

I WAS TRYING TO HELP
THEM GET TOGETHER.

- HELP THEM? HO-HO,
THAT'S A LAUGH.

ALL THIS "NOW YOU SEE
ME, NOW YOU DON'T" STUFF?

TYPICAL WORKING
OF THE FEMININE MIND!

- MAY I, UH, CUT IN?

DON'T YOU THINK THAT YOU
TWO ADVISERS TO THE LOVELORN,

HAVE DONE ENOUGH
DAMAGE FOR ONE NIGHT?

- THERE WOULD'VE
BEEN NO DAMAGE DONE

IF LITTLE MISS FEMININE
STRATEGY HERE

HADN'T DECIDED TO RUN THINGS.

- WELL, SOMEBODY
HAD TO DO SOMETHING

TO BREAK UP THE DEADLOCK.

BUD AND JUDY WOULD'VE
BEEN SITTING IN THAT LIBRARY

TILL DOOMSDAY.

- WHERE IS BUD?

- I ADVISED HIM TO
GO TO THE LIBRARY.

- GOOD.

NOW, YOU CALL JUDY AND
TELL HER TO MEET HIM THERE.

AND NO MORE FEMALE
STRATEGY, UNDERSTAND?

- YES, FATHER.

- MAYBE I CAN HELP YOU FIND
WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR?

- OH, NO, THANKS. I'M
JUST KINDA LOOKING.

- IS IT SOMETHING SPECIAL?

- YEAH, IT'S KINDA SPECIAL.

- WELL, IF YOU
TELL ME WHAT IT IS,

I CAN TELL YOU WHETHER
IT'S HERE OR NOT.

- WELL, IT'S NOT HERE YET.

- WELL, IF YOU KNOW IT'S NOT
HERE, WHY ARE YOU LOOKING?

- WELL, I JUST THOUGHT
IT MIGHT SHOW UP.

- YOU LOOKED IN THE INDEX?

- NO, I... IT'S NOT THERE.

♪ ♪

- YOU'RE RIGHT. IT
COULDN'T BE IN THE INDEX.

♪ ♪

- OH, HI, JUDY.

- OH, HI, BUD.

- SAY, I WAS JUST THINKIN', UH,
ARE YOU GOING TO THE PROM?

- MAYBE.

I MEAN, YES... IF
SOMEBODY ASKS ME.

- WELL, UH... YOU WOULDN'T
WANNA GO WITH ME, WOULD YOU?

- I WOULD IF YOU'D ASK ME?

- WILL YOU?

WELL, UH, WHAT TIME
WILL I PICK YOU UP?

- SEVEN-THIRTY?
- SEVEN-THIRTY, OKAY.

- OKAY.

- BYE.
- BYE.

- HI, JUDY.

IT'S BUD AND JUDY.

I MADE BUD PROMISE THEY'D
STOP BY ON THE WAY TO THE PROM.

- OH, WE SHOULD HAVE A FANFARE,
A TRUMPET AND A FLURRY OF DRUMS!

- OH!
- WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DRESS, JUDY.

- THANKS. BUD LIKES IT.

- WELL, WE GOTTA GET
TO THE PROM EARLY

TO PUT UP THE
DECORATIONS AND STUFF.

- YOU PUT HIM TO WORK, JUDY,

WHILE YOU STAND
BACK AND BE THE BOSS.

- WELL, UH, WE GOTTA GO.

- OH, HAVE A GOOD TIME.

WE MAY STOP IN LATER AND
WATCH FROM THE SIDELINES.

- I HOPE YOU WILL,
MRS. ANDERSON.

- GOODBYE! HAVE FUN!

BYE.

OH, THEY GOT TOGETHER AT LAST.

- YUP!

SHE FINALLY HOOKED HIM.