Father Knows Best (1954–1960): Season 3, Episode 33 - Class Prophecy - full transcript
A former college classmate of Jim and Margaret's shows up at the Anderson house - as a salesman. Henry had been voted Man Most Likely to Succeed in college, and had plans to be a doctor. He is not a doctor, and he is not a good salesman.
♪ ♪
Narrator: ROBERT YOUNG...
AND JANE WYATT...
- [laughter]
- WITH ELINOR DONAHUE,
BILLY GRAY, AND LAUREN CHAPIN
IN FATHER KNOWS BEST.
[comical music]
♪ ♪
- OH, HELLO.
- HELLO.
- I GUESS YOU'RE AHEAD OF ME.
I'M SELLING CAMPFIRE GIRL CANDY.
WHAT ARE YOU SELLING?
- WELL, UH, SO FAR, NOTHING.
[doorbell buzzes]
- MAYBE YOUR TECHNIQUE IS WRONG.
YOU HAVE TO REALLY
GET IN THERE AND SLUG.
[canned laughter] AND
THE WAY I DO IT IS...
- YES? OH, HI, KATHY.
- HE'S FIRST, MRS. DAVIS.
- OH?
- UH... UH, MRS. DAVIS,
I'M SURE YOU'RE FAMILIAR
WITH THE UTICA KITCHEN PRODUCTS
HAS A UTENSIL FOR EVERY JOB.
- UH, EH, YES, BUT, UH, I
HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED.
- WELL, IF YOU HAVE A MOMENT,
I'D LIKE TO SHOW YOU THIS, UH...
UH... THIS NEW ALL-PURPOSE
POTATO PEELER.
[canned laughter] NOW...
- WELL, I REALLY
DON'T HAVE TIME.
- YES. ALL RIGHT.
WELL, THANK YOU.
- WELL, WHAT'S ON
YOUR MIND, KATHY?
- DELICIOUS CAMPFIRE GIRL CANDY!
HOW MANY BOXES SHALL I
PUT YOU DOWN FOR? FIVE?
- WELL, UM...
- GOOD.
[canned laughter]
- HMM.
- THAT COMES TO, UH...
- I KNOW WHAT IT COMES TO.
I SHOULD AFTER ALL
I'VE BOUGHT FROM YOU.
[chuckles] [canned laughter]
JUST A MINUTE,
I'LL GET MY PURSE.
- SEE? DO YOU GET THE IDEA?
YOU HAVE TO BE MORE FORCEFUL.
MORE "VA-VA-VA-VOOM!"
[canned laughter]
- YEAH, I KNOW.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[sighs]
♪ ♪
[doorbell dings]
[sighs]
♪ ♪
[sighs]
- [chuckles] [canned laughter]
YES, WHAT IS IT?
- OH, HOW DO YOU
DO? UH, I'M SHOWING...
- HENRY PRUETT!
- MARGARET?
- WELL, FOR GOODNESS
SAKES! HENRY!
WE... WELL, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING IN SPRINGFIELD?
YOU KNOW, I... I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE
YOU WITH THE MOUSTACHE!
WHAT A SURPRISE!
OH, COME IN!
COME IN!
OH, I CAN HARDLY
BELIEVE IT'S YOU.
HENRY PRUETT.
OR DR. PRUETT, I SHOULD SAY.
OH, DO YOU REALIZE THAT
WE HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE...
WELL, SINCE THE DAY
YOU LEFT COLLEGE
AND... AND WENT AWAY
TO MEDICAL SCHOOL!
- I GUESS THAT'S ABOUT RIGHT.
- AH! OH!
- WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT?
- OH!
HAVE I... HAVE I
CHANGED THAT MUCH?
- NO, NO, NO! YOU'VE
HARDLY CHANGED AT ALL!
- [laughs] OH, I BET.
WELL, COME ON IN AND SIT DOWN.
OH, I CAN HARDLY
WAIT TILL JIM SEES YOU.
HE'S GOING TO ABSOLUTELY
DROP RIGHT THROUGH THE FLOOR.
- [chuckles]
- WHY DIDN'T YOU EVER WRITE?
- WELL, I...
- WE THOUGHT MAYBE YOU'D BECOME
A HERMIT INSTEAD OF A DOCTOR.
- [laughs]
- HOW'D YOU FIND THE HOUSE?
- OH, UH, I... I LOOKED
IT UP IN THE BOOK.
BUT, TELL ME,
DID... DIDN'T YOU...
I... I... I MEAN, DIDN'T JIM WORK
FOR AN OUTFIT IN CHICAGO?
- NO.
OH, WE DID LOOK INTO A
DEAL, BUT IT DIDN'T WORK OUT.
TELL ME, HOW'S JULIE?
- OH.
- IS SHE IN TOWN WITH YOU?
- SHE'S FINE. SHE'S HERE.
- I'M SO ANXIOUS TO SEE
HER! WHERE ARE YOU STAYING?
- WELL, UH, WE'RE
WITH HER FOLKS.
UH, THAT... THAT IS,
WE'RE VISITING THEM.
- OH! DO THEY LIVE HERE?
- MM-HMM.
I THOUGHT THEY LIVE
IN HILLSBOROUGH!
- NO. NO, NO, THEY MOVED
HERE ABOUT A YEAR AGO.
- OH!
- WELL, I'M AFRAID I'M
GONNA HAVE TO LEAVE.
- LEAVE? BUT YOU JUST GOT HERE!
AND YOU CAN'T GO
TILL JIM GETS HOME.
I'M GONNA CALL HIM AND
TELL HIM TO HURRY UP.
OH, NO! UH, NO, I... I MEAN,
DO... DON'T... DON'T BOTHER HIM.
YOU KNOW, I HATE TO DO THIS,
BUT, UH... UH, JULIE'S
EXPECTING ME.
- OH, WELL, CALL HER UP.
I WANT TO TALK TO HER ANYWAY.
OH, SAY, WHY DON'T WE
HAVE DINNER HERE TONIGHT?
- OH, NO, UH...
- YEAH, YOU AND JIM
CAN DRIVE HOME
AND PICK UP JULIE.
AND IN THE MEANWHILE,
I'LL THROW SOMETHING
INTO THE OVEN AND...
WAIT. WAIT.
[car horn honking] HE'S HERE.
HE JUST DROVE IN.
NOW, HENRY, YOU SIT DOWN.
AND DON'T TURN AROUND WHEN
HE FIRST COMES INTO THE ROOM.
I WANT THIS TO BE
A REAL SURPRISE!
NOW WHAT YOU'LL DO IS,
HE'LL COME IN THE BACK WAY,
AND THEN HE'LL HOLLER OUT,
"MARGARET, I'M HOME!"
- MARGARET, I'M HOME!
- SEE?
THEN, HE'LL WALK TO THE DINING
ROOM AND GO TO THE HALL CLOSET,
HE'LL HANG UP HIS
HAT AND HIS BRIEFCASE,
HE NEVER ALTERS THAT,
THEN HE WILL PICK
UP HIS NEWSPAPER
IN THE TELEPHONE
STAND, COME IN HERE,
AND PUT DOWN THAT CHAIR.
- AND THEN...
- HENRY!
OH, MY GOSH, HENRY PRUETT!
- OH, YOU SPOILED EVERYTHING!
I WANNA SURPRISE YOU!
- SURPRISE ME?
I COULDN'T BE MORE SURPRISED
IF-IF-IF HE WERE ELVIS PRESLEY!
[laughter]
HOW ARE YOU, YOU
OLD SON OF A GUN?
WHERE IN THE WORLD
DID YOU POP UP FROM?
- WELL, JULIE IS IN TOWN, TOO.
- WELL, JIM, I...
THEY'RE GONNA
HAVE DINNER WITH US.
- OH, NO, NO.
- WONDERFUL! GOOD!
- NO, NO. IT'S ALL SETTLED.
YOU AND HENRY ARE GONNA
DRIVE OVER AND PICK UP JULIE.
SAY, I BETTER CALL HER UP
AND LET HER IN ON
SOME OF THESE PLANS.
- WHAT'S THE NUMBER, HENRY?
- OH, I DON'T KNOW.
- OH, WELL, I'LL LOOK
IT UP IN THE BOOK.
HER FATHER'S NAME IS,
UH, IS, UH, WILLIAM SPRAGUE,
- ISN'T HE?
- NO, NO, REALLY, MARGARET...
- OH, LET THE WOMEN FOLK
HASH THAT OUT, HENRY.
MY GOSH, THE OLD
DISTINGUISHED DOCTOR,
MUSTACHE AND ALL!
[laughs]
HEY, WHERE ARE YOU LOCATED NOW?
YOU KNOW, YOU
PRACTICALLY VANISHED
AFTER YOU WENT AWAY
TO MEDICAL SCHOOL.
ALL WE'D EVER HEAR IS AN
OCCASIONAL VAGUE RUMOR.
WE HEARD ONE TIME
THAT YOU WERE...
A SPECIALIST OF SOME KIND
WITH A HOSPITAL, UH, IN BOSTON.
- IS THAT WHERE YOU ARE NOW?
- WELL, NO, UH, NO.
- UH, I'M NOT THERE NOW.
- WELL, WHERE ARE YOU?
KNOWING YOU, I KNOW YOU'RE
NOT JUST AN ORDINARY DOCTOR
IN SOME ORDINARY TOWN
MAKING ORDINARY HOUSE CALLS.
- WELL, UH, I... I DO MAKE
A FEW HOUSE CALLS.
[canned laughter]
- [whistles]
- OH, NO, JULIE, DON'T
BOTHER TO DRESS UP.
THIS IS JUST A
LAST MINUTE AFFAIR.
WELL, WONDERFUL!
I CAN'T HARDLY WAIT TO SEE YOU.
BYE!
SHE'D BE READY IN A HALF HOUR.
OH, HELLO, BUD. OH, WHAT'S THAT?
- IT'S A SAMPLE CASE.
I FOUND IT OUTSIDE.
- HENRY, YOU REMEMBER THE TIME
YOU... WHAT'S THE MATTER, HENRY?
- OH, NOTHING, UH...
UH, WHAT WERE YOU
SAYING, JIM? REMEMBER WHAT?
- JIM?
- YOU... HMM?
- WHAT WOULD A SAMPLE CASE
BE DOING IN OUR FRONT PORCH?
- FULL OF PARING
KNIVES AND CAN OPENERS,
STUFF LIKE THAT.
- OH, THAT'S UNDOUBTEDLY
DR. PRUETT'S OPERATING
INSTRUMENT, RIGHT, HENRY?
[canned laughter]
OH, HENRY, I WANT
YOU TO MEET OUR BOY.
BUD, THIS IS DR. PRUETT.
I HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO
BE HIS ROOMMATE IN COLLEGE.
- I REMEMBER YOUR NAME
FROM DAD'S COLLEGE YEARBOOK.
HE USED TO SHOW IT TO ME.
YOU KNOW, HE'D BRAG
ALMOST AS MUCH ABOUT YOU
AS HE WOULD ABOUT HIMSELF.
- I JUST CAN'T IMAGINE WHY A
SALESMAN WOULD LEAVE THIS
AND WALK AWAY.
HENRY, WAS IT THERE WHEN
YOU CAME TO THE DOOR?
- UH, NO, AND I... I
DON'T BELIEVE I SAW IT.
- OH, IT CERTAINLY IS A MYSTERY.
- OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
WHOEVER LEFT IT WILL
BE BACK FOR IT. HE HAS TO.
WITHOUT THAT, HE'S OUT
OF A JOB, RIGHT, HENRY?
- YES, UH, THAT'S VERY TRUE.
WELL, UH, WHY DON'T
YOU LET ME TAKE IT?
I... I'LL DROP IT
OFF AT THE, UH,
COMPANY THAT
HANDLES THESE THINGS.
- OH, HEAVENS, NO.
LOOK AT THE ADDRESS.
IT'S CLEAR OVER IN THE
WAREHOUSE DISTRICT.
- BESIDES, THAT'S NO WAY
TO SPEND YOUR VACATION
RUNNING ERRANDS FOR
SOME NITWIT SALESMAN
WHO CAN'T TAKE CARE
OF HIS SAMPLE CASE.
PUT IT IN THE CLOSET,
HONEY. HE'LL BE BACK FOR IT.
OH, COME ON, HENRY, WE
BETTER GO AND GET JULIE.
- OH, NO, JIM, THERE'S NO REASON
FOR YOU TO GO, TOO, YOU KNOW.
- I'LL GET HER BECAUSE...
- BUT YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR CAR.
I DIDN'T SEE IT OUT IN FRONT.
- NO. WELL, UH, I HAD
TROUBLE FINDING YOUR HOUSE.
I... I PARKED IT DOWN
THE STREET WAYS.
- OH, WELL, WHATEVER YOU SAY.
BUT BE SURE YOU COME BACK.
NO GOING INTO HIDING AGAIN.
- WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT,
THERE IS AN OUTSIDE CHANCE
THAT WE MIGHT HAVE
TO LEAVE SUDDENLY.
- OH, NO!
- WELL, UH...
UH, WE MIGHT BE CALLED
BACK ON AN EMERGENCY.
- OH, YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
- BUT JULIE DIDN'T SAY
ANYTHING ABOUT THAT.
INCIDENTALLY, SHE SEEMED
COMPLETELY SURPRISED
WHEN I CALLED HER.
DIDN'T YOU TELL HER
YOU'RE COMING TO SEE US?
- WELL, NO. YOU SEE, I...
- OPEN UP!
- OH!
- I BEG YOUR PARDON.
- OH, MYRTLE, COME ON IN.
- HI. [chuckles]
I WAS JUST AT THE MARKET,
AND THEY'RE HAVING A
MARVELOUS SALE ON STRAWBERRIES,
SO I BROUGHT YOU A BOX.
- OH, THAT WAS SWEET OF YOU.
- OH, HOW NICE!
OH, MYRTLE, I WANT YOU TO MEET
A VERY DEAR OLD FRIEND OF OURS,
- DR. HENRY PRUETT.
- [laughs]
- THIS IS MRS. DAVIS,
OUR NEIGHBOR.
- HOW DO YOU...
♪ ♪
EXCUSE ME, DOCTOR,
FOR STARING AT YOU,
BUT YOU LOOK SO
FAMILIAR, YOU STARTLED ME.
I COULD SWEAR I'VE SEEN
YOU SOMEPLACE BEFORE.
- OH, I DOUBT THAT.
HENRY HASN'T BEEN AROUND
THESE PARTS FOR OVER 20 YEARS.
HE'S BEEN, UH... [laughs]
I'VE BEEN DOING SO MUCH TALKING,
I HAVEN'T FOUND OUT YET
WHERE YOU'RE LOCATED.
- CLEVELAND.
- NO, I'VE NEVER BEEN THERE.
OH, WELL, THEY SAY
EVERYBODY HAS A DOUBLE.
- THAT'S VERY TRUE.
WELL, I BETTER RUN.
- JULIE WILL THINK I'M LOST.
- YEAH.
- NICE MEETING YOU, MRS. DAVIS.
- THANKS.
- SEE YOU LATER.
- BYE. HURRY BACK!
- [laughs]
- FACE.
NOW, WHO COULD I BE
CONFUSING HIM WITH?
OH, I KNOW IT'S NOT IMPORTANT,
BUT ONCE SOMETHING LIKE
THIS GETS ON YOUR MIND,
YOU JUST CAN'T REST
TILL YOU SOLVE IT.
- WELL, DON'T GOAD YOUR MEMORY,
THEY SAY, IT'LL
COME BACK TO YOU.
- I HOPE SO.
- [chuckles]
- WELL, I'VE GOT TO DASH OR ED
WILL BE GROWLING FOR HIS SUPPER.
- EXCUSE ME. BYE-BYE NOW.
- YEAH.
- SAY HELLO TO ED.
- SEE YOU LATER.
- BYE!
- BYE, MYRTLE.
HENRY PRUETT.
WHAT A SURPRISE THAT WAS!
- DID YOU THINK HE
LOOK TERRIBLY NERVOUS,
- OR WAS I JUST IMAGINING IT?
- NO, I NOTICED THAT, TOO.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS,
HE'S WORKING HIMSELF TO DEATH.
YOU REMEMBER HOW
HE WAS AT SCHOOL?
ALWAYS PUSHING HIMSELF,
ALWAYS WANTED TO BE THE BEST.
- HI, IF ANYBODY WANTS TO BUY
SOME CAMPFIRE GRILL CANDY,
YOU'RE TOO LATE,
I'M ALL SOLD OUT.
- OH, WONDERFUL, KATHY.
UH-UH-UH, YOU KNOW
WHERE THAT CAP GOES.
- I WAS JUST HEADING THERE.
[canned laughter]
YOU KNOW, I DEVELOPED
A SURE-FIRE TECHNIQUE.
WHEN I GO TO A DOOR, I...
HEY, WHATCHA DO, MOMMY?
BUY THE WHOLE WORKS?
OH, DON'T DRAG THAT OUT.
- GEE, THAT ADVICE I GAVE
HIM SURE MUST HAVE WORKED.
- YOU GAVE HIM? YOU KNOW
WHO THIS BELONGS TO?
- OH, SURE.
HE WAS TRYING TO SELL MRS.
DAVIS AT THE SAME TIME I WAS.
BUT HE WAS NO GOOD AT IT,
SO I GAVE HIM SOME ADVICE.
WHAT ELSE DID YOU GET, MOMMY?
- OH, NOW, DON'T DRAG
THESE THINGS OUT.
THEY DON'T BELONG TO US.
BUD FOUND THIS OUTSIDE.
HAVE YOU ANY IDEA
WHY YOUR FRIEND WOULD
HAVE LEFT THIS NEAR OUR DOOR?
- HE LEFT IT HERE?
MAYBE HE JUST FIGURED HE
COULDN'T COMPETE WITH ME.
- [chuckles] [canned laughter]
HAVE YOU ANY IDEA
WHAT HE LOOKED LIKE?
WHAT WAS HIS NAME?
- WELL, HE HAD A
NICE MOUSTACHE AND...
- OH, NO, IT... IT CAN'T BE.
- WHAT CAN'T?
- JIM? JIM?
JIM?
- YEAH?
- JIM, LOOK AT THIS ORDER BOOK.
- THE NAME ON THERE.
- HMM.
- THE... THE NAME
OF THE SALESMAN.
[dramatic music]
- HENRY PRUETT.
♪ ♪
- WELL, I... I JUST
CAN'T GET OVER IT.
HENRY PRUETT SELLING
KITCHEN UTENSILS.
WHATEVER DO YOU
SUPPOSE HAPPENED?
- I DON'T KNOW.
BUT I REALIZED NOW WHY
WE NEVER HEARD FROM HIM.
HE MUST HAVE FAILED
SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE.
AND FAILURE'S ONE THING
HENRY COULD NEVER ADMIT,
EVEN TO HIMSELF.
- YES, A LOT OF
THINGS ARE CLEAR NOW,
WHY HE WAS SO NERVOUS,
AND WHY HE WAS SO STARTLED
WHEN I ANSWERED THE DOOR.
- SURE, HE DIDN'T
COME HERE TO VISIT US.
HE CAME HERE TO
SELL A POTATO PEELER.
WHAT AN IRONIC TWIST THAT WAS.
- THANK GOODNESS,
MYRTLE COULDN'T REMEMBER
- WHERE SHE'D SEEN HIM.
- YES.
WHAT A MISERABLE HOUR
HE MUST HAVE SPENT WITH US.
AND, OF COURSE, I
SPOILED HIS ONE CHANCE
TO GET THE SAMPLE CASE BACK.
"OH, NO, HENRY, YOU DON'T
WANNA WASTE YOUR VACATION
RUNNING ERRANDS FOR
SOME NITWIT SALESMAN."
[canned laughter]
BROTHER... I BET HE
COULD HAVE SHOT ME.
- [sighs] WELL, I BETTER
START THE DINNER.
COME AND HELP ME.
- HOW DO YOU DO, MADAM?
MAY I BORROW A
MOMENT OF YOUR TIME
TO DEMONSTRATE THE NEW
"ALL-PEOPLE'S" POTATO "PEARLER".
I MEAN, THE NEW "ALL-PEERLESS"
POTATOES PEELER.
WHY, I'M A WORSE
SALESMAN THAN HE WAS.
- KATHY, FIND SOMETHING
ELSE TO PLAY WITH.
- GEE, A FELLA CAN'T HAVE ANY
FUN AROUND HERE ANYMORE.
[canned laughter]
- [sighs]
SAY, I JUST THOUGHT
OF SOMETHING.
THERE'S NO WAY WE CAN
GIVE THIS BACK TO HENRY.
- OH, BUT WE HAVE TO.
HE NEEDS IT.
- SURE, BUT IF
WE GIVE IT TO HIM,
WE'RE TELLING HIM THAT WE KNOW
HE'S A POTATO PEELER SALESMAN,
AND THAT WOULD SHATTER HIM.
AND IF WE DON'T
GIVE IT BACK TO HIM,
WE'RE CAUSING
HIM TO LOSE HIS JOB.
BOY, THAT'S ONE FOR THE BOOKS.
- WELL, MAYBE YOU COULD
TAKE IT BACK TO THE COMPANY.
- THEY'D FIRE HIM FOR
SUCH CARELESSNESS.
I'D HATE TO RISK THAT.
- YES.
WELL...
[sighs]
MAYBE WE'LL THINK OF SOMETHING
BY THE TIME THEY
COME BACK THIS EVENING.
- WELL, THAT'S THE TROUBLE.
THEY WON'T BE BACK.
- THEY WON'T?
BUT THEY SAID THEY WOULD.
- IF YOU REMEMBER, HENRY
GAVE HIMSELF AN OUT,
THAT SO-CALLED EMERGENCY CALL?
- BUT... OH, THIS IS THE TIME
THEY NEED THEIR FRIENDS.
- WELL, SURE, BUT HENRY
DOESN'T SEE IT THAT WAY,
NOT WITH HIS PRIDE...
HIS ETERNAL PRIDE.
- WELL, I'M GONNA CALL THEM
AND MAKE SURE THEY'LL BE BACK.
- WELL, I HOPE YOU SUCCEED,
BUT I'LL BET $500 AGAINST IT.
- I MIGHT JUST TAKE THAT BET.
[canned laughter]
THIS IS NO TIME TO GIVE UP.
HELLO... HELLO, JULIE?
OH, I JUST WANT TO REMIND YOU
NOT TO FANCY YOURSELF ALL UP.
YOU'LL ONLY
EMBARRASS ME IF YOU DO.
AND BESIDES, THE FOOD
I'M SERVING YOU TONIGHT
SHOULD BE EATEN IN OVERALLS.
[canned laughter]
- WELL, UH... WELL WE MIGHT
NOT BE ABLE TO MAKE IT.
UM, SOMETHING'S COME UP.
YES, I KNOW, MARGARET,
BUT I... I... I'VE... WELL, WAIT.
LET ME CHECK WITH HENRY AGAIN.
YES, MARGARET, WE'LL BE THERE.
YES. YES, WE'LL HURRY.
- [whispers] JULIE...
- FINE. BYE.
- WHAT DID YOU SAY THAT FOR?
- 'CAUSE I DECIDED WE'RE
GOING IN SPITE OF EVERYTHING.
- HONEY, WE CAN'T GO THERE.
HAVE YOU NO PRIDE AT ALL?
- NOT A SHRED.
- JULIE.
- I DON'T NEED ANY.
YOU'VE ENOUGH FOR BOTH OF US.
- OH, NO.
- OH, HENRY.
DON'T LOOK SO INJURED.
LET'S PUT THESE IN THE DRAWER.
- HONEY, I DON'T THINK
YOU UNDERSTAND.
IF IT WAS ANYBODY
BUT JIM AND MARGARET,
YOU DON'T REALIZE HOW
MUCH THEY MEAN TO ME.
- THEY MEAN JUST AS MUCH TO
ME, THAT'S WHY I WANNA SEE THEM.
- SO DO I, BUT NOT UNDER
CONDITIONS LIKE THESE.
WHAT KIND OF AN EVENING WOULD
THAT BE, DODGING QUESTIONS,
CHANGING THE SUB... NO,
I COULDN'T STAND THAT.
- WELL, WE HAVE TO GO BACK
TO GET YOUR SAMPLE CASE.
- OH, NO, I'LL NEVER
GO BACK THERE.
- WELL, YOU CANNOT
JUST LEAVE IT THERE.
WHAT'LL YOU TELL THE COMPANY,
THAT YOU LOST IT IN
A REVOLVING DOOR?
- I WON'T TELL THEM ANYTHING.
WE'LL BE MILES FROM
HERE BY TOMORROW.
- WELL MAYBE YOU'LL BE...
BUT I WON'T.
HENRY, UH...
[dramatic music]
I'M TIRED OF
RUNNING, OF DODGING.
I'VE HAD A LIFETIME OF IT,
AND ALL BECAUSE YOU
FAILED TO BECOME A DOCTOR.
- I DIDN'T FAIL!
♪ ♪
[clattering]
I'M A VICTIM OF CIRCUMSTANCES.
- WELL...
WHATEVER YOU CALL IT.
THERE MUST BE A WAY TO
GET THAT SAMPLE CASE BACK.
MAYBE WE COULD TELL THEM
THAT WE DISCOVERED
THE SALESMAN LIVE NEAR US
AND... AND... AND, UH,
A DOG CHASED HIM,
AND... AND TORE HIS
TROUSERS AND HE HAD...
- OH, HONEY, PLEASE.
WHO WOULD BELIEVE A
RIDICULOUS STORY LIKE THAT?
[sighs]
YOU BETTER GET
PACKED, WE'RE LEAVING.
I CAN'T GO WITHOUT
YOU, YOU KNOW THAT.
- OKAY, HENRY.
I'LL PUT ON THE OLD TRACK
SHOES AND RUN WITH YOU.
BUT GIVE ME THIS ONE
EVENING WITH JIM AND MARGARET
BEFORE WE GO.
IS THAT TOO TERRIBLY
MUCH TO ASK?
- [sighs]
ALL RIGHT.
OH, SURE, HONEY.
JUST GIVE ME A MOMENT
TO CHANGE MY SHIRT.
- UH-HMM.
- [sighs]
I THOUGHT I PACKED
ALL MY SHIRTS,
I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD THIS...
- [chuckles] WE'RE LOADED.
- [chuckles] [canned laughter]
- MAYBE WE COULD
TELL THEM WE FOUND OUT
THE KITCHEN UTENSIL
SALESMAN LIVES OVER NEAR THEM.
HE CAME TO OUR DOOR AND A
VICIOUS DOG CHASED HIM AWAY,
AND WOULD THEY PLEASE
TAKE THE SAMPLE CASE BACK.
- OH, THEY'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE
A RIDICULOUS STORY LIKE THAT.
- OH, I DON'T KNOW.
BESIDES, THEY'D KNOW WE
MADE THE WHOLE THING UP.
THERE IS NO OTHER
SALESMAN. IT'S HENRY.
- OH. OH, YES.
[sighs]
I GUESS THAT WASN'T
VERY BRIGHT OF ME.
- WELL, DON'T LET IT WORRY YOU.
YOU HAVE OTHER GOOD QUALITIES,
HARD WORKER, PLODDY,
TAKE ORDERS WELL.
- OH, HUSH.
- [laughs]
- SAY, I WAS LOOKING
THROUGH YOUR YEARBOOK, DAD.
- YEARBOOK, WHERE'D
YOU FIND THAT?
- IN THE ATTIC.
YOU KNOW, THAT
DR. PRUETT WAS SOME GUY.
- UH-HMM.
- SCHOLARSHIP STUDENT,
PRESIDENT OF EVERYTHING,
MAN MOST LIKELY TO SUCCEED.
- MOST LIKELY TO SUCCEED.
- SAY, HOW COME YOU
WERE SUCH A BUM, DAD?
[canned laughter]
- HUH?
- OH.
WELL, HE HAS OTHER
GOOD QUALITIES,
HARD WORKER, PLODDING,
TAKES ORDERS WELL.
[canned laughter]
- ALL RIGHT.
- I'M ALL READY FOR THE
PARTY. HOW DO I LOOK?
- MISERABLE.
- YOU LOOK VERY NICE, KATHY.
- WHAT'S THE NAME OF THIS
DOCTOR WHO'S COMING TONIGHT?
- DR. PRUETT.
HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU HIS PICTURE.
OF COURSE, HE'S
CHANGED A LOT SINCE THEN.
- HE LOOKS SORT OF FAMILIAR.
HAVE I EVER SEEN HIM BEFORE?
- OH, MY GOSH.
- UM, KATHY, UH,
WHY DON'T YOU GO AND...
AND SPEND THE EVENING
- WITH PATTY DAVIS.
- [chuckles]
- NO, I WANNA STAY
HERE FOR THE PARTY.
- OH, IT'S NOT GONNA BE MUCH
OF A PARTY, JUST A LOT OF TALKING.
- IF YOU GO OVER THERE,
MAYBE YOU CAN STAY ALL NIGHT.
WE'LL CALL MRS. DAVIS.
- ARE YOU TRYING
TO GET RID OF ME?
- YES! UH, NO. NO.
- YOU GO AND GET YOUR THINGS UP.
YOU PUT YOUR PLAIN
CLOTHES IN FOR THE MORNING.
- BOY, THAT WAS A CLOSE CALL.
- YEAH, IT NEVER
ENTERED MY MIND.
IT'LL BE DISASTROUS FOR
KATHY AND HENRY TO MEET AGAIN.
- THAT'S ALL HENRY WOULD NEED,
TO HAVE KATHY WALK IN AND SAY,
"WELL, I KNOW YOU, YOU'RE
THAT POTATO PEELER SALESMAN."
[canned laughter]
[comical music]
♪ ♪
[canned laughter]
- WELL, I, UH, I'M SORRY,
WE DON'T HAVE OUR...
OUR GIRLS TO SHOW YOU.
BETTY, OUR, UH, OUR OLDEST
IS OUT OF TOWN WITH THE
COLLEGE DEBATING TEAM.
- AH, WONDERFUL.
- AND KATHY, OUR YOUNGEST...
- KATHY?
YOU SAY YOUR LITTLE
GIRL'S NAMED KATHY?
- OH, BUT SHE'S NOT HERE, HENRY.
- NO. NO, SHE'S SPENDING THE
NIGHT WITH THE NEIGHBOR GIRL.
- AND SHE WON'T BE HOME TONIGHT.
- UH-HUH.
- SO ALL WE HAVE LEFT IS BUD.
[laughs]
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"ALL YOU HAVE LEFT?"
- OH.
- [chuckles]
- Y... YOU KNOW, I'VE
BEEN LOOKING AT BUD
AND HE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE JIM.
THAT IS WHEN JIM WAS YOUNG.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"WHEN JIM WAS YOUNG?"
- WELL, I MEAN... WELL...
- AH, YOU CAN'T SQUIRM
OUT OF IT NOW, JULIE.
[laughs]
AND JUST TO PROVE THAT
I HAVEN'T CHANGED A DAY,
HERE'S HOW I LOOK
WHEN I GRADUATED.
- OH.
- OH, DEAR, THE YEARBOOK.
- YEARBOOK?
- [laughs]
- OH.
- WHERE'D YOU DIG UP THIS RELIC?
- [laughter]
- OH, I DON'T SEE
ANYTHING SO FUNNY.
A HANDSOME FELLOW LIKE THAT.
- [laughs]
- OH.
LOOKS LIKE A FRIGHTENED GAZELLE.
[canned laughter]
- OH, UH, FIND HENRY'S PICTURE.
- YOU KNOW, IF YOU
THINK THAT'S FUNNY,
YOU OUGHT TO TURN
TO THE CLASS PROPHECY.
- [laughter]
- OH, HERE'S HENRY.
- OH.
- [laughs]
- WELL, HE LOOKED PRETTY
DIGNIFIED EVEN THEN.
- FIND THE PROPHECY.
YOU KNOW, THAT'S REAL
RICH. IT'S IN THE BACK.
- YEAH, THAT SEEMS
LIKE A LONG TIME AGO.
I HAVEN'T SEEN ONE OF THESE
BOOKS IN YEARS AND YEARS.
- THE... THE... THERE IT IS.
- OH.
- N... NOW, START AT THIS,
TOP OF THE SECOND COLUMN.
THAT'S WHERE IT TELLS ABOUT DAD.
- HMM.
- HMM.
- A CRYSTAL BALL
NOW SHOWS A CROWD
OF SCREAMING FEMALE
AUTOGRAPH-HOUNDS
MOBBING THE FAMOUS
MATINEE IDOL FROM HOLLYWOOD
- [laughter]
- JAMES ANDERSON.
[canned laughter]
- YOU SURE MISSED THE BOAT, DAD.
- OH.
- RIGHT DOWN TO
THE NEXT PARAGRAPH.
- AH. AH, WHAT IS THAT
APPLAUSE WE HEAR?
IT IS FROM THE INTERNS AS THEY
WATCH THE RENOWNED SURGEON,
DR. HEN... HEN...
WELL, KEEP GOING,
THAT'S THE RICH PART.
- UH, BUD, [clears throat],
UH, WILL YOU GO
OUT IN THE KITCHEN
AND... AND, UH, LOOK
AT THE ROAST FOR ME?
I... I DON'T WANT IT TO BURN.
- WELL, IN A MINUTE, MOM,
NOW... NOW, KEEP GOING.
"DR. HENRY PRUETT
"AS HE PERFORMS AN
APPENDECTOMY THE HARD WAY
WITH A CAN OPENER AND
A PARING KNIFE." [laughs]
[canned laughter]
I GUESS THAT UTENSIL
CASE WAS YOURS AFTER ALL,
JUST LIKE DAD SAID.
- [laughs] [canned laughter]
- [chuckles]
- SAY, THAT REMINDS ME
OF SOMETHING VERY FUNNY.
HENRY TOLD ME
ABOUT THAT SALESMAN
LEAVING HIS SAMPLE CASE,
AND IT TURNED OUT HE
LIVED RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO US.
ISN'T THAT THE MOST
FABULOUS COINCIDENCE?
- [chuckles]
- IT SEEMS THAT A VICIOUS
DOG CHASED HIM AWAY
AND RIP THE SEAT OF HIS PANTS,
SO HE COULDN'T COME
BACK FOR HIS CASE.
AND I... I TOLD HIM
WE'D PICK IT UP FOR HIM.
- OH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
I'LL... I'LL, UH, GET IT RIGHT
NOW, SO YOU WON'T FORGET IT.
- ISN'T THAT THE MOST
RIDICULOUS THING YOU'VE EVER...
[doorbell dings]
- OH, WELL, THINGS DO HAPPEN
- LIKE THAT.
- YEAH.
- OH, THAT DAUGHTER OF YOURS.
- HELLO, MYRTLE.
WHAT... WHAT... WHAT
ABOUT OUR... OUR DAUGHTER?
- WELL, SHE BROUGHT EVERYTHING
BUT THE ONE THING SHE NEEDS,
HER PAJAMAS.
- OH, WELL, I'LL, UH...
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,
YOU... YOU GO BACK
AND... AND I'LL BRING...
- UTICA UTENSILS! THAT'S IT!
- OH.
- NOW I REMEMBER WHERE I
SAW YOUR FRIEND DR. PRU...
DOCTOR? HOW CAN THAT BE?
[dramatic music]
- JULIE, HONEY, WE MUST LEAVE.
- HENRY, SIT DOWN.
♪ ♪
YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
THE TIME HAS COME FOR ALL OF
US TO STOP KIDDING EACH OTHER.
♪ ♪
- TELL KATHY TO PUT THIS ON
- AND GET INTO BED RIGHT AWAY.
- BUT, MARGARET...
- [whispers] I'LL EXPLAIN
EVERYTHING TO YOU TOMORROW.
- GOOD NIGHT, MYRTLE.
- GOOD NIGHT.
- AUTOGRAPH HOUND MOBBING
THE FAMOUS MATINEE IDOL
FROM HOLLYWOOD, JAMES ANDERSON.
[chuckles]
YOU KNOW, I TRIED TO
BE AN ACTOR, HENRY.
I WAS GIVEN MY BIG CHANCE
WITH THE STAR COMPANY
IN KANSAS CITY.
BIG PART, FOUR LINES.
A WORKER WHO CAME IN AND
TOLD THE PLANTATION OWNER
HIS WIFE WAS KILLED
IN THE HURRICANE.
BUT I WAS SO DRAMATIC THE
AUDIENCE STARTED LAUGHING.
ABSOLUTELY RUINED THE PLAY.
I HID IN THE HOTEL
ROOM FOR FIVE DAYS
BEFORE I HAD THE NERVE TO
GO HOME AND FACE MY FRIENDS.
WHAT MISERY.
BUT, YOU KNOW, HENRY,
THIS PROPHECY IS LOADED
WITH BROKEN DREAMS.
I WONDER HOW MANY OF US
EVER REALIZED OUR
YOUNG AMBITIONS.
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE FAILED.
IT JUST MEANS WE
HAVEN'T FOUND OUR NICHE.
O... OR THAT WE'RE BEING TESTED
TO SEE IF WE'RE
WORTHY OF SUCCESS.
YOU KNOW...
I THINK THERE'S NOTHING BETTER
FOR A YOUNG MAN STARTING OUT
THAN A GOOD, HEALTHY,
WHOPPING FAILURE.
- WELL, THAT'S ALL RIGHT
FOR YOU TO SAY, JIM,
BECAUSE THINGS HAVE WORKED
OUT FOR YOU, BUT... [chuckles]
WHEN A MAN HAS FAILED
AS COMPLETELY AS I HAVE...
- HENRY.
HENRY, SAY THAT AGAIN.
- SAY WHAT AGAIN?
THA... THAT I FAILED COMPLETELY?
- YES.
NOW, WAS IT SO AWFUL?
DID THE HEAVENS FALL IN?
DOES JIM FEEL ANY
DIFFERENTLY TOWARDS YOU?
- NO DIFFERENT, HENRY.
YOU MUSTN'T TORTURE
YOURSELF ANYMORE.
NOT WHEN YOU HAVE
SO MUCH TO OFFER.
TOMORROW IS A CLEAN UNUSED DAY.
DAY WHEN A FELLOW CAN
PICK UP THE BROKEN PIECES
AND... A... AND CARRY ON.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
- FAILURE.
FLOP.
I AM A POTATO PEELER SALESMAN.
JIM, I COULD NO MORE
HAVE SAID THOSE WORDS
IN... IN FRONT OF YOU AN HOUR
AGO THAN I COULD HAVE FLOWN.
BACK AT THE HOUSE,
OUR THINGS ARE PACKED.
WE WERE LEAVING.
I COULDN'T RISK LIVING HERE
AND HAVE YOU... FIND OUT.
I AM A POTATO PEELER SALESMAN.
[chuckles]
NOW WE CAN LIVE HERE.
WE DON'T HAVE TO RUN
AND HIDE ANYMORE, HONEY.
I MEAN ACTUALLY LIVE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF
JOB I CAN GET BUT WHATEVER IT IS,
I'M GOING TO SHOUT IT
FROM THE ROOFTOP. HUH?
- [laughter]
- SAY, MOM, I CHECKED
THE MEAT. IT'S OKAY.
- OH, GOOD.
- BUT THE POTATOES ARE BURNED.
- OH, DEAR, I'VE
RUINED THE DINNER!
- OH, NO. NO, MARGARET. NO,
THAT DOESN'T MATTER AT ALL.
NO, AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO PEEL
SOME MORE, THE FAST WAY.
NOW, HERE, MADAM, WE HAVE A
NEW ALL-PURPOSE POTATO PEELER.
[clears throat] IT HAS
A PLASTIC HANDLE.
IT WON'T MELT, BURN,
RUST OR FALL OFF.
[laughter]
[applause]
[theme music]
♪ ♪
Narrator: ROBERT YOUNG...
AND JANE WYATT...
- [laughter]
- WITH ELINOR DONAHUE,
BILLY GRAY, AND LAUREN CHAPIN
IN FATHER KNOWS BEST.
[comical music]
♪ ♪
- OH, HELLO.
- HELLO.
- I GUESS YOU'RE AHEAD OF ME.
I'M SELLING CAMPFIRE GIRL CANDY.
WHAT ARE YOU SELLING?
- WELL, UH, SO FAR, NOTHING.
[doorbell buzzes]
- MAYBE YOUR TECHNIQUE IS WRONG.
YOU HAVE TO REALLY
GET IN THERE AND SLUG.
[canned laughter] AND
THE WAY I DO IT IS...
- YES? OH, HI, KATHY.
- HE'S FIRST, MRS. DAVIS.
- OH?
- UH... UH, MRS. DAVIS,
I'M SURE YOU'RE FAMILIAR
WITH THE UTICA KITCHEN PRODUCTS
HAS A UTENSIL FOR EVERY JOB.
- UH, EH, YES, BUT, UH, I
HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED.
- WELL, IF YOU HAVE A MOMENT,
I'D LIKE TO SHOW YOU THIS, UH...
UH... THIS NEW ALL-PURPOSE
POTATO PEELER.
[canned laughter] NOW...
- WELL, I REALLY
DON'T HAVE TIME.
- YES. ALL RIGHT.
WELL, THANK YOU.
- WELL, WHAT'S ON
YOUR MIND, KATHY?
- DELICIOUS CAMPFIRE GIRL CANDY!
HOW MANY BOXES SHALL I
PUT YOU DOWN FOR? FIVE?
- WELL, UM...
- GOOD.
[canned laughter]
- HMM.
- THAT COMES TO, UH...
- I KNOW WHAT IT COMES TO.
I SHOULD AFTER ALL
I'VE BOUGHT FROM YOU.
[chuckles] [canned laughter]
JUST A MINUTE,
I'LL GET MY PURSE.
- SEE? DO YOU GET THE IDEA?
YOU HAVE TO BE MORE FORCEFUL.
MORE "VA-VA-VA-VOOM!"
[canned laughter]
- YEAH, I KNOW.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[sighs]
♪ ♪
[doorbell dings]
[sighs]
♪ ♪
[sighs]
- [chuckles] [canned laughter]
YES, WHAT IS IT?
- OH, HOW DO YOU
DO? UH, I'M SHOWING...
- HENRY PRUETT!
- MARGARET?
- WELL, FOR GOODNESS
SAKES! HENRY!
WE... WELL, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING IN SPRINGFIELD?
YOU KNOW, I... I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE
YOU WITH THE MOUSTACHE!
WHAT A SURPRISE!
OH, COME IN!
COME IN!
OH, I CAN HARDLY
BELIEVE IT'S YOU.
HENRY PRUETT.
OR DR. PRUETT, I SHOULD SAY.
OH, DO YOU REALIZE THAT
WE HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE...
WELL, SINCE THE DAY
YOU LEFT COLLEGE
AND... AND WENT AWAY
TO MEDICAL SCHOOL!
- I GUESS THAT'S ABOUT RIGHT.
- AH! OH!
- WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT?
- OH!
HAVE I... HAVE I
CHANGED THAT MUCH?
- NO, NO, NO! YOU'VE
HARDLY CHANGED AT ALL!
- [laughs] OH, I BET.
WELL, COME ON IN AND SIT DOWN.
OH, I CAN HARDLY
WAIT TILL JIM SEES YOU.
HE'S GOING TO ABSOLUTELY
DROP RIGHT THROUGH THE FLOOR.
- [chuckles]
- WHY DIDN'T YOU EVER WRITE?
- WELL, I...
- WE THOUGHT MAYBE YOU'D BECOME
A HERMIT INSTEAD OF A DOCTOR.
- [laughs]
- HOW'D YOU FIND THE HOUSE?
- OH, UH, I... I LOOKED
IT UP IN THE BOOK.
BUT, TELL ME,
DID... DIDN'T YOU...
I... I... I MEAN, DIDN'T JIM WORK
FOR AN OUTFIT IN CHICAGO?
- NO.
OH, WE DID LOOK INTO A
DEAL, BUT IT DIDN'T WORK OUT.
TELL ME, HOW'S JULIE?
- OH.
- IS SHE IN TOWN WITH YOU?
- SHE'S FINE. SHE'S HERE.
- I'M SO ANXIOUS TO SEE
HER! WHERE ARE YOU STAYING?
- WELL, UH, WE'RE
WITH HER FOLKS.
UH, THAT... THAT IS,
WE'RE VISITING THEM.
- OH! DO THEY LIVE HERE?
- MM-HMM.
I THOUGHT THEY LIVE
IN HILLSBOROUGH!
- NO. NO, NO, THEY MOVED
HERE ABOUT A YEAR AGO.
- OH!
- WELL, I'M AFRAID I'M
GONNA HAVE TO LEAVE.
- LEAVE? BUT YOU JUST GOT HERE!
AND YOU CAN'T GO
TILL JIM GETS HOME.
I'M GONNA CALL HIM AND
TELL HIM TO HURRY UP.
OH, NO! UH, NO, I... I MEAN,
DO... DON'T... DON'T BOTHER HIM.
YOU KNOW, I HATE TO DO THIS,
BUT, UH... UH, JULIE'S
EXPECTING ME.
- OH, WELL, CALL HER UP.
I WANT TO TALK TO HER ANYWAY.
OH, SAY, WHY DON'T WE
HAVE DINNER HERE TONIGHT?
- OH, NO, UH...
- YEAH, YOU AND JIM
CAN DRIVE HOME
AND PICK UP JULIE.
AND IN THE MEANWHILE,
I'LL THROW SOMETHING
INTO THE OVEN AND...
WAIT. WAIT.
[car horn honking] HE'S HERE.
HE JUST DROVE IN.
NOW, HENRY, YOU SIT DOWN.
AND DON'T TURN AROUND WHEN
HE FIRST COMES INTO THE ROOM.
I WANT THIS TO BE
A REAL SURPRISE!
NOW WHAT YOU'LL DO IS,
HE'LL COME IN THE BACK WAY,
AND THEN HE'LL HOLLER OUT,
"MARGARET, I'M HOME!"
- MARGARET, I'M HOME!
- SEE?
THEN, HE'LL WALK TO THE DINING
ROOM AND GO TO THE HALL CLOSET,
HE'LL HANG UP HIS
HAT AND HIS BRIEFCASE,
HE NEVER ALTERS THAT,
THEN HE WILL PICK
UP HIS NEWSPAPER
IN THE TELEPHONE
STAND, COME IN HERE,
AND PUT DOWN THAT CHAIR.
- AND THEN...
- HENRY!
OH, MY GOSH, HENRY PRUETT!
- OH, YOU SPOILED EVERYTHING!
I WANNA SURPRISE YOU!
- SURPRISE ME?
I COULDN'T BE MORE SURPRISED
IF-IF-IF HE WERE ELVIS PRESLEY!
[laughter]
HOW ARE YOU, YOU
OLD SON OF A GUN?
WHERE IN THE WORLD
DID YOU POP UP FROM?
- WELL, JULIE IS IN TOWN, TOO.
- WELL, JIM, I...
THEY'RE GONNA
HAVE DINNER WITH US.
- OH, NO, NO.
- WONDERFUL! GOOD!
- NO, NO. IT'S ALL SETTLED.
YOU AND HENRY ARE GONNA
DRIVE OVER AND PICK UP JULIE.
SAY, I BETTER CALL HER UP
AND LET HER IN ON
SOME OF THESE PLANS.
- WHAT'S THE NUMBER, HENRY?
- OH, I DON'T KNOW.
- OH, WELL, I'LL LOOK
IT UP IN THE BOOK.
HER FATHER'S NAME IS,
UH, IS, UH, WILLIAM SPRAGUE,
- ISN'T HE?
- NO, NO, REALLY, MARGARET...
- OH, LET THE WOMEN FOLK
HASH THAT OUT, HENRY.
MY GOSH, THE OLD
DISTINGUISHED DOCTOR,
MUSTACHE AND ALL!
[laughs]
HEY, WHERE ARE YOU LOCATED NOW?
YOU KNOW, YOU
PRACTICALLY VANISHED
AFTER YOU WENT AWAY
TO MEDICAL SCHOOL.
ALL WE'D EVER HEAR IS AN
OCCASIONAL VAGUE RUMOR.
WE HEARD ONE TIME
THAT YOU WERE...
A SPECIALIST OF SOME KIND
WITH A HOSPITAL, UH, IN BOSTON.
- IS THAT WHERE YOU ARE NOW?
- WELL, NO, UH, NO.
- UH, I'M NOT THERE NOW.
- WELL, WHERE ARE YOU?
KNOWING YOU, I KNOW YOU'RE
NOT JUST AN ORDINARY DOCTOR
IN SOME ORDINARY TOWN
MAKING ORDINARY HOUSE CALLS.
- WELL, UH, I... I DO MAKE
A FEW HOUSE CALLS.
[canned laughter]
- [whistles]
- OH, NO, JULIE, DON'T
BOTHER TO DRESS UP.
THIS IS JUST A
LAST MINUTE AFFAIR.
WELL, WONDERFUL!
I CAN'T HARDLY WAIT TO SEE YOU.
BYE!
SHE'D BE READY IN A HALF HOUR.
OH, HELLO, BUD. OH, WHAT'S THAT?
- IT'S A SAMPLE CASE.
I FOUND IT OUTSIDE.
- HENRY, YOU REMEMBER THE TIME
YOU... WHAT'S THE MATTER, HENRY?
- OH, NOTHING, UH...
UH, WHAT WERE YOU
SAYING, JIM? REMEMBER WHAT?
- JIM?
- YOU... HMM?
- WHAT WOULD A SAMPLE CASE
BE DOING IN OUR FRONT PORCH?
- FULL OF PARING
KNIVES AND CAN OPENERS,
STUFF LIKE THAT.
- OH, THAT'S UNDOUBTEDLY
DR. PRUETT'S OPERATING
INSTRUMENT, RIGHT, HENRY?
[canned laughter]
OH, HENRY, I WANT
YOU TO MEET OUR BOY.
BUD, THIS IS DR. PRUETT.
I HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO
BE HIS ROOMMATE IN COLLEGE.
- I REMEMBER YOUR NAME
FROM DAD'S COLLEGE YEARBOOK.
HE USED TO SHOW IT TO ME.
YOU KNOW, HE'D BRAG
ALMOST AS MUCH ABOUT YOU
AS HE WOULD ABOUT HIMSELF.
- I JUST CAN'T IMAGINE WHY A
SALESMAN WOULD LEAVE THIS
AND WALK AWAY.
HENRY, WAS IT THERE WHEN
YOU CAME TO THE DOOR?
- UH, NO, AND I... I
DON'T BELIEVE I SAW IT.
- OH, IT CERTAINLY IS A MYSTERY.
- OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
WHOEVER LEFT IT WILL
BE BACK FOR IT. HE HAS TO.
WITHOUT THAT, HE'S OUT
OF A JOB, RIGHT, HENRY?
- YES, UH, THAT'S VERY TRUE.
WELL, UH, WHY DON'T
YOU LET ME TAKE IT?
I... I'LL DROP IT
OFF AT THE, UH,
COMPANY THAT
HANDLES THESE THINGS.
- OH, HEAVENS, NO.
LOOK AT THE ADDRESS.
IT'S CLEAR OVER IN THE
WAREHOUSE DISTRICT.
- BESIDES, THAT'S NO WAY
TO SPEND YOUR VACATION
RUNNING ERRANDS FOR
SOME NITWIT SALESMAN
WHO CAN'T TAKE CARE
OF HIS SAMPLE CASE.
PUT IT IN THE CLOSET,
HONEY. HE'LL BE BACK FOR IT.
OH, COME ON, HENRY, WE
BETTER GO AND GET JULIE.
- OH, NO, JIM, THERE'S NO REASON
FOR YOU TO GO, TOO, YOU KNOW.
- I'LL GET HER BECAUSE...
- BUT YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR CAR.
I DIDN'T SEE IT OUT IN FRONT.
- NO. WELL, UH, I HAD
TROUBLE FINDING YOUR HOUSE.
I... I PARKED IT DOWN
THE STREET WAYS.
- OH, WELL, WHATEVER YOU SAY.
BUT BE SURE YOU COME BACK.
NO GOING INTO HIDING AGAIN.
- WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT,
THERE IS AN OUTSIDE CHANCE
THAT WE MIGHT HAVE
TO LEAVE SUDDENLY.
- OH, NO!
- WELL, UH...
UH, WE MIGHT BE CALLED
BACK ON AN EMERGENCY.
- OH, YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
- BUT JULIE DIDN'T SAY
ANYTHING ABOUT THAT.
INCIDENTALLY, SHE SEEMED
COMPLETELY SURPRISED
WHEN I CALLED HER.
DIDN'T YOU TELL HER
YOU'RE COMING TO SEE US?
- WELL, NO. YOU SEE, I...
- OPEN UP!
- OH!
- I BEG YOUR PARDON.
- OH, MYRTLE, COME ON IN.
- HI. [chuckles]
I WAS JUST AT THE MARKET,
AND THEY'RE HAVING A
MARVELOUS SALE ON STRAWBERRIES,
SO I BROUGHT YOU A BOX.
- OH, THAT WAS SWEET OF YOU.
- OH, HOW NICE!
OH, MYRTLE, I WANT YOU TO MEET
A VERY DEAR OLD FRIEND OF OURS,
- DR. HENRY PRUETT.
- [laughs]
- THIS IS MRS. DAVIS,
OUR NEIGHBOR.
- HOW DO YOU...
♪ ♪
EXCUSE ME, DOCTOR,
FOR STARING AT YOU,
BUT YOU LOOK SO
FAMILIAR, YOU STARTLED ME.
I COULD SWEAR I'VE SEEN
YOU SOMEPLACE BEFORE.
- OH, I DOUBT THAT.
HENRY HASN'T BEEN AROUND
THESE PARTS FOR OVER 20 YEARS.
HE'S BEEN, UH... [laughs]
I'VE BEEN DOING SO MUCH TALKING,
I HAVEN'T FOUND OUT YET
WHERE YOU'RE LOCATED.
- CLEVELAND.
- NO, I'VE NEVER BEEN THERE.
OH, WELL, THEY SAY
EVERYBODY HAS A DOUBLE.
- THAT'S VERY TRUE.
WELL, I BETTER RUN.
- JULIE WILL THINK I'M LOST.
- YEAH.
- NICE MEETING YOU, MRS. DAVIS.
- THANKS.
- SEE YOU LATER.
- BYE. HURRY BACK!
- [laughs]
- FACE.
NOW, WHO COULD I BE
CONFUSING HIM WITH?
OH, I KNOW IT'S NOT IMPORTANT,
BUT ONCE SOMETHING LIKE
THIS GETS ON YOUR MIND,
YOU JUST CAN'T REST
TILL YOU SOLVE IT.
- WELL, DON'T GOAD YOUR MEMORY,
THEY SAY, IT'LL
COME BACK TO YOU.
- I HOPE SO.
- [chuckles]
- WELL, I'VE GOT TO DASH OR ED
WILL BE GROWLING FOR HIS SUPPER.
- EXCUSE ME. BYE-BYE NOW.
- YEAH.
- SAY HELLO TO ED.
- SEE YOU LATER.
- BYE!
- BYE, MYRTLE.
HENRY PRUETT.
WHAT A SURPRISE THAT WAS!
- DID YOU THINK HE
LOOK TERRIBLY NERVOUS,
- OR WAS I JUST IMAGINING IT?
- NO, I NOTICED THAT, TOO.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS,
HE'S WORKING HIMSELF TO DEATH.
YOU REMEMBER HOW
HE WAS AT SCHOOL?
ALWAYS PUSHING HIMSELF,
ALWAYS WANTED TO BE THE BEST.
- HI, IF ANYBODY WANTS TO BUY
SOME CAMPFIRE GRILL CANDY,
YOU'RE TOO LATE,
I'M ALL SOLD OUT.
- OH, WONDERFUL, KATHY.
UH-UH-UH, YOU KNOW
WHERE THAT CAP GOES.
- I WAS JUST HEADING THERE.
[canned laughter]
YOU KNOW, I DEVELOPED
A SURE-FIRE TECHNIQUE.
WHEN I GO TO A DOOR, I...
HEY, WHATCHA DO, MOMMY?
BUY THE WHOLE WORKS?
OH, DON'T DRAG THAT OUT.
- GEE, THAT ADVICE I GAVE
HIM SURE MUST HAVE WORKED.
- YOU GAVE HIM? YOU KNOW
WHO THIS BELONGS TO?
- OH, SURE.
HE WAS TRYING TO SELL MRS.
DAVIS AT THE SAME TIME I WAS.
BUT HE WAS NO GOOD AT IT,
SO I GAVE HIM SOME ADVICE.
WHAT ELSE DID YOU GET, MOMMY?
- OH, NOW, DON'T DRAG
THESE THINGS OUT.
THEY DON'T BELONG TO US.
BUD FOUND THIS OUTSIDE.
HAVE YOU ANY IDEA
WHY YOUR FRIEND WOULD
HAVE LEFT THIS NEAR OUR DOOR?
- HE LEFT IT HERE?
MAYBE HE JUST FIGURED HE
COULDN'T COMPETE WITH ME.
- [chuckles] [canned laughter]
HAVE YOU ANY IDEA
WHAT HE LOOKED LIKE?
WHAT WAS HIS NAME?
- WELL, HE HAD A
NICE MOUSTACHE AND...
- OH, NO, IT... IT CAN'T BE.
- WHAT CAN'T?
- JIM? JIM?
JIM?
- YEAH?
- JIM, LOOK AT THIS ORDER BOOK.
- THE NAME ON THERE.
- HMM.
- THE... THE NAME
OF THE SALESMAN.
[dramatic music]
- HENRY PRUETT.
♪ ♪
- WELL, I... I JUST
CAN'T GET OVER IT.
HENRY PRUETT SELLING
KITCHEN UTENSILS.
WHATEVER DO YOU
SUPPOSE HAPPENED?
- I DON'T KNOW.
BUT I REALIZED NOW WHY
WE NEVER HEARD FROM HIM.
HE MUST HAVE FAILED
SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE.
AND FAILURE'S ONE THING
HENRY COULD NEVER ADMIT,
EVEN TO HIMSELF.
- YES, A LOT OF
THINGS ARE CLEAR NOW,
WHY HE WAS SO NERVOUS,
AND WHY HE WAS SO STARTLED
WHEN I ANSWERED THE DOOR.
- SURE, HE DIDN'T
COME HERE TO VISIT US.
HE CAME HERE TO
SELL A POTATO PEELER.
WHAT AN IRONIC TWIST THAT WAS.
- THANK GOODNESS,
MYRTLE COULDN'T REMEMBER
- WHERE SHE'D SEEN HIM.
- YES.
WHAT A MISERABLE HOUR
HE MUST HAVE SPENT WITH US.
AND, OF COURSE, I
SPOILED HIS ONE CHANCE
TO GET THE SAMPLE CASE BACK.
"OH, NO, HENRY, YOU DON'T
WANNA WASTE YOUR VACATION
RUNNING ERRANDS FOR
SOME NITWIT SALESMAN."
[canned laughter]
BROTHER... I BET HE
COULD HAVE SHOT ME.
- [sighs] WELL, I BETTER
START THE DINNER.
COME AND HELP ME.
- HOW DO YOU DO, MADAM?
MAY I BORROW A
MOMENT OF YOUR TIME
TO DEMONSTRATE THE NEW
"ALL-PEOPLE'S" POTATO "PEARLER".
I MEAN, THE NEW "ALL-PEERLESS"
POTATOES PEELER.
WHY, I'M A WORSE
SALESMAN THAN HE WAS.
- KATHY, FIND SOMETHING
ELSE TO PLAY WITH.
- GEE, A FELLA CAN'T HAVE ANY
FUN AROUND HERE ANYMORE.
[canned laughter]
- [sighs]
SAY, I JUST THOUGHT
OF SOMETHING.
THERE'S NO WAY WE CAN
GIVE THIS BACK TO HENRY.
- OH, BUT WE HAVE TO.
HE NEEDS IT.
- SURE, BUT IF
WE GIVE IT TO HIM,
WE'RE TELLING HIM THAT WE KNOW
HE'S A POTATO PEELER SALESMAN,
AND THAT WOULD SHATTER HIM.
AND IF WE DON'T
GIVE IT BACK TO HIM,
WE'RE CAUSING
HIM TO LOSE HIS JOB.
BOY, THAT'S ONE FOR THE BOOKS.
- WELL, MAYBE YOU COULD
TAKE IT BACK TO THE COMPANY.
- THEY'D FIRE HIM FOR
SUCH CARELESSNESS.
I'D HATE TO RISK THAT.
- YES.
WELL...
[sighs]
MAYBE WE'LL THINK OF SOMETHING
BY THE TIME THEY
COME BACK THIS EVENING.
- WELL, THAT'S THE TROUBLE.
THEY WON'T BE BACK.
- THEY WON'T?
BUT THEY SAID THEY WOULD.
- IF YOU REMEMBER, HENRY
GAVE HIMSELF AN OUT,
THAT SO-CALLED EMERGENCY CALL?
- BUT... OH, THIS IS THE TIME
THEY NEED THEIR FRIENDS.
- WELL, SURE, BUT HENRY
DOESN'T SEE IT THAT WAY,
NOT WITH HIS PRIDE...
HIS ETERNAL PRIDE.
- WELL, I'M GONNA CALL THEM
AND MAKE SURE THEY'LL BE BACK.
- WELL, I HOPE YOU SUCCEED,
BUT I'LL BET $500 AGAINST IT.
- I MIGHT JUST TAKE THAT BET.
[canned laughter]
THIS IS NO TIME TO GIVE UP.
HELLO... HELLO, JULIE?
OH, I JUST WANT TO REMIND YOU
NOT TO FANCY YOURSELF ALL UP.
YOU'LL ONLY
EMBARRASS ME IF YOU DO.
AND BESIDES, THE FOOD
I'M SERVING YOU TONIGHT
SHOULD BE EATEN IN OVERALLS.
[canned laughter]
- WELL, UH... WELL WE MIGHT
NOT BE ABLE TO MAKE IT.
UM, SOMETHING'S COME UP.
YES, I KNOW, MARGARET,
BUT I... I... I'VE... WELL, WAIT.
LET ME CHECK WITH HENRY AGAIN.
YES, MARGARET, WE'LL BE THERE.
YES. YES, WE'LL HURRY.
- [whispers] JULIE...
- FINE. BYE.
- WHAT DID YOU SAY THAT FOR?
- 'CAUSE I DECIDED WE'RE
GOING IN SPITE OF EVERYTHING.
- HONEY, WE CAN'T GO THERE.
HAVE YOU NO PRIDE AT ALL?
- NOT A SHRED.
- JULIE.
- I DON'T NEED ANY.
YOU'VE ENOUGH FOR BOTH OF US.
- OH, NO.
- OH, HENRY.
DON'T LOOK SO INJURED.
LET'S PUT THESE IN THE DRAWER.
- HONEY, I DON'T THINK
YOU UNDERSTAND.
IF IT WAS ANYBODY
BUT JIM AND MARGARET,
YOU DON'T REALIZE HOW
MUCH THEY MEAN TO ME.
- THEY MEAN JUST AS MUCH TO
ME, THAT'S WHY I WANNA SEE THEM.
- SO DO I, BUT NOT UNDER
CONDITIONS LIKE THESE.
WHAT KIND OF AN EVENING WOULD
THAT BE, DODGING QUESTIONS,
CHANGING THE SUB... NO,
I COULDN'T STAND THAT.
- WELL, WE HAVE TO GO BACK
TO GET YOUR SAMPLE CASE.
- OH, NO, I'LL NEVER
GO BACK THERE.
- WELL, YOU CANNOT
JUST LEAVE IT THERE.
WHAT'LL YOU TELL THE COMPANY,
THAT YOU LOST IT IN
A REVOLVING DOOR?
- I WON'T TELL THEM ANYTHING.
WE'LL BE MILES FROM
HERE BY TOMORROW.
- WELL MAYBE YOU'LL BE...
BUT I WON'T.
HENRY, UH...
[dramatic music]
I'M TIRED OF
RUNNING, OF DODGING.
I'VE HAD A LIFETIME OF IT,
AND ALL BECAUSE YOU
FAILED TO BECOME A DOCTOR.
- I DIDN'T FAIL!
♪ ♪
[clattering]
I'M A VICTIM OF CIRCUMSTANCES.
- WELL...
WHATEVER YOU CALL IT.
THERE MUST BE A WAY TO
GET THAT SAMPLE CASE BACK.
MAYBE WE COULD TELL THEM
THAT WE DISCOVERED
THE SALESMAN LIVE NEAR US
AND... AND... AND, UH,
A DOG CHASED HIM,
AND... AND TORE HIS
TROUSERS AND HE HAD...
- OH, HONEY, PLEASE.
WHO WOULD BELIEVE A
RIDICULOUS STORY LIKE THAT?
[sighs]
YOU BETTER GET
PACKED, WE'RE LEAVING.
I CAN'T GO WITHOUT
YOU, YOU KNOW THAT.
- OKAY, HENRY.
I'LL PUT ON THE OLD TRACK
SHOES AND RUN WITH YOU.
BUT GIVE ME THIS ONE
EVENING WITH JIM AND MARGARET
BEFORE WE GO.
IS THAT TOO TERRIBLY
MUCH TO ASK?
- [sighs]
ALL RIGHT.
OH, SURE, HONEY.
JUST GIVE ME A MOMENT
TO CHANGE MY SHIRT.
- UH-HMM.
- [sighs]
I THOUGHT I PACKED
ALL MY SHIRTS,
I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD THIS...
- [chuckles] WE'RE LOADED.
- [chuckles] [canned laughter]
- MAYBE WE COULD
TELL THEM WE FOUND OUT
THE KITCHEN UTENSIL
SALESMAN LIVES OVER NEAR THEM.
HE CAME TO OUR DOOR AND A
VICIOUS DOG CHASED HIM AWAY,
AND WOULD THEY PLEASE
TAKE THE SAMPLE CASE BACK.
- OH, THEY'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE
A RIDICULOUS STORY LIKE THAT.
- OH, I DON'T KNOW.
BESIDES, THEY'D KNOW WE
MADE THE WHOLE THING UP.
THERE IS NO OTHER
SALESMAN. IT'S HENRY.
- OH. OH, YES.
[sighs]
I GUESS THAT WASN'T
VERY BRIGHT OF ME.
- WELL, DON'T LET IT WORRY YOU.
YOU HAVE OTHER GOOD QUALITIES,
HARD WORKER, PLODDY,
TAKE ORDERS WELL.
- OH, HUSH.
- [laughs]
- SAY, I WAS LOOKING
THROUGH YOUR YEARBOOK, DAD.
- YEARBOOK, WHERE'D
YOU FIND THAT?
- IN THE ATTIC.
YOU KNOW, THAT
DR. PRUETT WAS SOME GUY.
- UH-HMM.
- SCHOLARSHIP STUDENT,
PRESIDENT OF EVERYTHING,
MAN MOST LIKELY TO SUCCEED.
- MOST LIKELY TO SUCCEED.
- SAY, HOW COME YOU
WERE SUCH A BUM, DAD?
[canned laughter]
- HUH?
- OH.
WELL, HE HAS OTHER
GOOD QUALITIES,
HARD WORKER, PLODDING,
TAKES ORDERS WELL.
[canned laughter]
- ALL RIGHT.
- I'M ALL READY FOR THE
PARTY. HOW DO I LOOK?
- MISERABLE.
- YOU LOOK VERY NICE, KATHY.
- WHAT'S THE NAME OF THIS
DOCTOR WHO'S COMING TONIGHT?
- DR. PRUETT.
HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU HIS PICTURE.
OF COURSE, HE'S
CHANGED A LOT SINCE THEN.
- HE LOOKS SORT OF FAMILIAR.
HAVE I EVER SEEN HIM BEFORE?
- OH, MY GOSH.
- UM, KATHY, UH,
WHY DON'T YOU GO AND...
AND SPEND THE EVENING
- WITH PATTY DAVIS.
- [chuckles]
- NO, I WANNA STAY
HERE FOR THE PARTY.
- OH, IT'S NOT GONNA BE MUCH
OF A PARTY, JUST A LOT OF TALKING.
- IF YOU GO OVER THERE,
MAYBE YOU CAN STAY ALL NIGHT.
WE'LL CALL MRS. DAVIS.
- ARE YOU TRYING
TO GET RID OF ME?
- YES! UH, NO. NO.
- YOU GO AND GET YOUR THINGS UP.
YOU PUT YOUR PLAIN
CLOTHES IN FOR THE MORNING.
- BOY, THAT WAS A CLOSE CALL.
- YEAH, IT NEVER
ENTERED MY MIND.
IT'LL BE DISASTROUS FOR
KATHY AND HENRY TO MEET AGAIN.
- THAT'S ALL HENRY WOULD NEED,
TO HAVE KATHY WALK IN AND SAY,
"WELL, I KNOW YOU, YOU'RE
THAT POTATO PEELER SALESMAN."
[canned laughter]
[comical music]
♪ ♪
[canned laughter]
- WELL, I, UH, I'M SORRY,
WE DON'T HAVE OUR...
OUR GIRLS TO SHOW YOU.
BETTY, OUR, UH, OUR OLDEST
IS OUT OF TOWN WITH THE
COLLEGE DEBATING TEAM.
- AH, WONDERFUL.
- AND KATHY, OUR YOUNGEST...
- KATHY?
YOU SAY YOUR LITTLE
GIRL'S NAMED KATHY?
- OH, BUT SHE'S NOT HERE, HENRY.
- NO. NO, SHE'S SPENDING THE
NIGHT WITH THE NEIGHBOR GIRL.
- AND SHE WON'T BE HOME TONIGHT.
- UH-HUH.
- SO ALL WE HAVE LEFT IS BUD.
[laughs]
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"ALL YOU HAVE LEFT?"
- OH.
- [chuckles]
- Y... YOU KNOW, I'VE
BEEN LOOKING AT BUD
AND HE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE JIM.
THAT IS WHEN JIM WAS YOUNG.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"WHEN JIM WAS YOUNG?"
- WELL, I MEAN... WELL...
- AH, YOU CAN'T SQUIRM
OUT OF IT NOW, JULIE.
[laughs]
AND JUST TO PROVE THAT
I HAVEN'T CHANGED A DAY,
HERE'S HOW I LOOK
WHEN I GRADUATED.
- OH.
- OH, DEAR, THE YEARBOOK.
- YEARBOOK?
- [laughs]
- OH.
- WHERE'D YOU DIG UP THIS RELIC?
- [laughter]
- OH, I DON'T SEE
ANYTHING SO FUNNY.
A HANDSOME FELLOW LIKE THAT.
- [laughs]
- OH.
LOOKS LIKE A FRIGHTENED GAZELLE.
[canned laughter]
- OH, UH, FIND HENRY'S PICTURE.
- YOU KNOW, IF YOU
THINK THAT'S FUNNY,
YOU OUGHT TO TURN
TO THE CLASS PROPHECY.
- [laughter]
- OH, HERE'S HENRY.
- OH.
- [laughs]
- WELL, HE LOOKED PRETTY
DIGNIFIED EVEN THEN.
- FIND THE PROPHECY.
YOU KNOW, THAT'S REAL
RICH. IT'S IN THE BACK.
- YEAH, THAT SEEMS
LIKE A LONG TIME AGO.
I HAVEN'T SEEN ONE OF THESE
BOOKS IN YEARS AND YEARS.
- THE... THE... THERE IT IS.
- OH.
- N... NOW, START AT THIS,
TOP OF THE SECOND COLUMN.
THAT'S WHERE IT TELLS ABOUT DAD.
- HMM.
- HMM.
- A CRYSTAL BALL
NOW SHOWS A CROWD
OF SCREAMING FEMALE
AUTOGRAPH-HOUNDS
MOBBING THE FAMOUS
MATINEE IDOL FROM HOLLYWOOD
- [laughter]
- JAMES ANDERSON.
[canned laughter]
- YOU SURE MISSED THE BOAT, DAD.
- OH.
- RIGHT DOWN TO
THE NEXT PARAGRAPH.
- AH. AH, WHAT IS THAT
APPLAUSE WE HEAR?
IT IS FROM THE INTERNS AS THEY
WATCH THE RENOWNED SURGEON,
DR. HEN... HEN...
WELL, KEEP GOING,
THAT'S THE RICH PART.
- UH, BUD, [clears throat],
UH, WILL YOU GO
OUT IN THE KITCHEN
AND... AND, UH, LOOK
AT THE ROAST FOR ME?
I... I DON'T WANT IT TO BURN.
- WELL, IN A MINUTE, MOM,
NOW... NOW, KEEP GOING.
"DR. HENRY PRUETT
"AS HE PERFORMS AN
APPENDECTOMY THE HARD WAY
WITH A CAN OPENER AND
A PARING KNIFE." [laughs]
[canned laughter]
I GUESS THAT UTENSIL
CASE WAS YOURS AFTER ALL,
JUST LIKE DAD SAID.
- [laughs] [canned laughter]
- [chuckles]
- SAY, THAT REMINDS ME
OF SOMETHING VERY FUNNY.
HENRY TOLD ME
ABOUT THAT SALESMAN
LEAVING HIS SAMPLE CASE,
AND IT TURNED OUT HE
LIVED RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO US.
ISN'T THAT THE MOST
FABULOUS COINCIDENCE?
- [chuckles]
- IT SEEMS THAT A VICIOUS
DOG CHASED HIM AWAY
AND RIP THE SEAT OF HIS PANTS,
SO HE COULDN'T COME
BACK FOR HIS CASE.
AND I... I TOLD HIM
WE'D PICK IT UP FOR HIM.
- OH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
I'LL... I'LL, UH, GET IT RIGHT
NOW, SO YOU WON'T FORGET IT.
- ISN'T THAT THE MOST
RIDICULOUS THING YOU'VE EVER...
[doorbell dings]
- OH, WELL, THINGS DO HAPPEN
- LIKE THAT.
- YEAH.
- OH, THAT DAUGHTER OF YOURS.
- HELLO, MYRTLE.
WHAT... WHAT... WHAT
ABOUT OUR... OUR DAUGHTER?
- WELL, SHE BROUGHT EVERYTHING
BUT THE ONE THING SHE NEEDS,
HER PAJAMAS.
- OH, WELL, I'LL, UH...
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,
YOU... YOU GO BACK
AND... AND I'LL BRING...
- UTICA UTENSILS! THAT'S IT!
- OH.
- NOW I REMEMBER WHERE I
SAW YOUR FRIEND DR. PRU...
DOCTOR? HOW CAN THAT BE?
[dramatic music]
- JULIE, HONEY, WE MUST LEAVE.
- HENRY, SIT DOWN.
♪ ♪
YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
THE TIME HAS COME FOR ALL OF
US TO STOP KIDDING EACH OTHER.
♪ ♪
- TELL KATHY TO PUT THIS ON
- AND GET INTO BED RIGHT AWAY.
- BUT, MARGARET...
- [whispers] I'LL EXPLAIN
EVERYTHING TO YOU TOMORROW.
- GOOD NIGHT, MYRTLE.
- GOOD NIGHT.
- AUTOGRAPH HOUND MOBBING
THE FAMOUS MATINEE IDOL
FROM HOLLYWOOD, JAMES ANDERSON.
[chuckles]
YOU KNOW, I TRIED TO
BE AN ACTOR, HENRY.
I WAS GIVEN MY BIG CHANCE
WITH THE STAR COMPANY
IN KANSAS CITY.
BIG PART, FOUR LINES.
A WORKER WHO CAME IN AND
TOLD THE PLANTATION OWNER
HIS WIFE WAS KILLED
IN THE HURRICANE.
BUT I WAS SO DRAMATIC THE
AUDIENCE STARTED LAUGHING.
ABSOLUTELY RUINED THE PLAY.
I HID IN THE HOTEL
ROOM FOR FIVE DAYS
BEFORE I HAD THE NERVE TO
GO HOME AND FACE MY FRIENDS.
WHAT MISERY.
BUT, YOU KNOW, HENRY,
THIS PROPHECY IS LOADED
WITH BROKEN DREAMS.
I WONDER HOW MANY OF US
EVER REALIZED OUR
YOUNG AMBITIONS.
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE FAILED.
IT JUST MEANS WE
HAVEN'T FOUND OUR NICHE.
O... OR THAT WE'RE BEING TESTED
TO SEE IF WE'RE
WORTHY OF SUCCESS.
YOU KNOW...
I THINK THERE'S NOTHING BETTER
FOR A YOUNG MAN STARTING OUT
THAN A GOOD, HEALTHY,
WHOPPING FAILURE.
- WELL, THAT'S ALL RIGHT
FOR YOU TO SAY, JIM,
BECAUSE THINGS HAVE WORKED
OUT FOR YOU, BUT... [chuckles]
WHEN A MAN HAS FAILED
AS COMPLETELY AS I HAVE...
- HENRY.
HENRY, SAY THAT AGAIN.
- SAY WHAT AGAIN?
THA... THAT I FAILED COMPLETELY?
- YES.
NOW, WAS IT SO AWFUL?
DID THE HEAVENS FALL IN?
DOES JIM FEEL ANY
DIFFERENTLY TOWARDS YOU?
- NO DIFFERENT, HENRY.
YOU MUSTN'T TORTURE
YOURSELF ANYMORE.
NOT WHEN YOU HAVE
SO MUCH TO OFFER.
TOMORROW IS A CLEAN UNUSED DAY.
DAY WHEN A FELLOW CAN
PICK UP THE BROKEN PIECES
AND... A... AND CARRY ON.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
- FAILURE.
FLOP.
I AM A POTATO PEELER SALESMAN.
JIM, I COULD NO MORE
HAVE SAID THOSE WORDS
IN... IN FRONT OF YOU AN HOUR
AGO THAN I COULD HAVE FLOWN.
BACK AT THE HOUSE,
OUR THINGS ARE PACKED.
WE WERE LEAVING.
I COULDN'T RISK LIVING HERE
AND HAVE YOU... FIND OUT.
I AM A POTATO PEELER SALESMAN.
[chuckles]
NOW WE CAN LIVE HERE.
WE DON'T HAVE TO RUN
AND HIDE ANYMORE, HONEY.
I MEAN ACTUALLY LIVE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF
JOB I CAN GET BUT WHATEVER IT IS,
I'M GOING TO SHOUT IT
FROM THE ROOFTOP. HUH?
- [laughter]
- SAY, MOM, I CHECKED
THE MEAT. IT'S OKAY.
- OH, GOOD.
- BUT THE POTATOES ARE BURNED.
- OH, DEAR, I'VE
RUINED THE DINNER!
- OH, NO. NO, MARGARET. NO,
THAT DOESN'T MATTER AT ALL.
NO, AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO PEEL
SOME MORE, THE FAST WAY.
NOW, HERE, MADAM, WE HAVE A
NEW ALL-PURPOSE POTATO PEELER.
[clears throat] IT HAS
A PLASTIC HANDLE.
IT WON'T MELT, BURN,
RUST OR FALL OFF.
[laughter]
[applause]
[theme music]
♪ ♪