Father Knows Best (1954–1960): Season 3, Episode 22 - Carnival - full transcript
Bud joins the carnival, and he learns that a sucker is born every minute.
♪♪ [theme]
[man] Robert Young
and Jane Wyatt,
[chuckling]
with Elinor Donahue, Billy
Gray and Laurin Chapin,
in...
[calliope playing]
[people chattering]
[man] She moves,
she talks, she's alive.
Mamina the Mermaid.
See the siren of the deep...
Half-fish, half-girl.
Mamina... exotic, exciting.
See her do the hoochie-coochie
and the Oceania Rose.
She's the Caribbean cutie.
This water baby is so hot,
she burned out the
bearings in the Bering Sea.
And it's all on the inside,
ladies and gentlemen.
Hey, Bud, you got any money?
I got 6 bucks. You got 6 bucks?
Yeah, but it's not mine. I got to pay
for my dad's pants at the tailor shop.
Well, what kind of pants
can you buy for six bucks?
He's not buying them. He ripped
them, and he's having them re-woven.
Oh. Hey. Hey, fellas.
You talking to us? Yeah,
yeah. Come here a minute.
What do you want? Look.
Now, I don't want the
boss to see me doing this,
but business is kind of slow,
and there's nobody around, huh?
Get a load of that.
Ain't that some watch?
Gee, that's a beauty.
This is a $75 wristwatch.
How much money you got?
I don't have any. I got 6 bucks.
But it's not mine, it's my dad's. I
got to pick up his pants at the tailor's.
Look, how would you like to
have this watch for one buck?
A buck? Are you kiddin'?
No, no, I'm not kiddin'.
What's your name?
My name's Bud
Anderson. This is Kippy. Hi.
Now, look, buddy, I'm gonna let you
have this $75 wristwatch for a buck.
Now, ain't that a fair deal?
Ain't that a fair deal? Yeah, but...
You couldn't ask for a better
deal than that, could you?
No. It's okay.
But I haven't got a buck to spend.
I've got to pick up my dad's pants.
Oh, get the pants later. A
watch like that for a buck?
You're crazy if you don't
take it. Yeah, I know.
Look at this. See?
Nothin' to it. Now, look, buddy.
I'm givin' you the watch... I'm
givin' it to you, see? for a buck.
All you got to to is
roll one ball in the hole.
Just one. That's all.
Oh, I got to do that, huh?
Why, sure. I'm giving
you a $75 watch for a buck.
What do you want? I should
give it to you for nothin'?
Look. You can do it
with your eyes closed.
You get five balls
for a buck, see?
All you got to do is get one in.
What could be easier than that?
What could be easier than that, huh?
Ah, you're leery of
the deal, huh, buddy?
Well, you're a tough customer.
But you know what? I
wouldn't do this for nobody else,
but I like you.
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna throw in this
genuine wool blanket.
Get this... this blanket is hand-wove
by the Winnepekatchie Indians.
A $50 value. So there you are...
A $50 blanket and a $75 watch.
All you got to do is roll one
ball in the hole. That's all.
Now, ain't that a fair
deal? Ain't it, buddy?
That's 125 bucks!
You got to get at least one ball in
out of 5. You couldn't miss if you tried.
Sure. He's right.
I'm stupid. I ought to
get my head examined.
I'm a sucker for giving
away stuff like this.
But there it is.
Take it or leave it.
You get one ball in the
hole, and you take home
a genuine Indian blanket
and the wristwatch.
Okay. All right,
all right, folks.
Win and win with
the rolling game.
Prizes, prizes, prizes.
Win with the rolling game.
I wonder what could've
happened to Bud.
It's not like him to
be this late for dinner.
Oh, he must've stopped off on
some of his friends' on the way.
[Margaret] One of these days, I'm
gonna tie an alarm clock around his neck.
[Jim] It couldn't have taken him this long
just to go to the tailor's shop and back.
[Kathy] I'll bet you anything
he went to the carnival.
No, he promised he
wouldn't stop on the way.
When I gave him the money
to pay for the trousers, I said,
“Dinner'll be ready in a half
hour, so don't fool around.”
Maybe he took the
money and... No, no, no.
Bud's old enough to be trusted. He
wouldn't take money that wasn't his.
You looking for someone, Bud?
Oh, hi, Dad.
What took you so long?
We almost set the
F.B.I. on your trail.
Oh, uh, what'd the tailor
do about the trousers?
They get the
rip fixed all right?
Yeah, I guess so. I don't know.
Bud, where've you been?
Dinner's over. What happened?
Well, I ate at Kippy's house.
Where are the
trousers? I didn't get 'em.
Why not? Well... we took a
shortcut through the carnival.
Bud, you didn't!
Well, we weren't gonna stop.
We were just walking through.
And there was this place
there with prizes and stuff,
and this guy called us over.
And somehow he found out I
had 6 bucks. How did he find out?
I told him. Bud Anderson!
Well, I didn't mean to
break my promise, Mom,
but this guy says,
“Do you want a $75
watch for a buck?”
I said, “Sure. Golly,
a watch like that?”
And then he said,
“All you have to do
“is roll one ball into
one of those holes,
one ball out of 5, and you
get the watch for a buck.”
Well, I said no.
And then he threw
in an Indian blanket,
a $50 value.
Well, it looked so simple,
I just couldn't miss.
But I did.
I must've been out of my head,
'cause I didn't quit
after I lost a buck.
The guy was real sorry I missed,
so he took out this
pair of field glasses,
a $200 value,
and this portable
radio, a $65 value,
and he puts 'em right alongside
the watch and the blanket.
And then he said I could
take home the whole works
for rolling just one ball
into one of the holes...
One ball out of
6... for 2 bucks.
Well, it looked so simple.
At least one ball had to go in.
One almost did.
I lost the 6 bucks.
Isn't anybody
gonna say anything?
There's no point in our telling you how
foolish you were. You already know that.
But I didn't want
to lose the money.
How did the guy make me do something
I didn't want to do? Was I stupid?
No, you were just
a healthy, normal,
slightly-younger-than-average
sucker.
As the shadier carnival men
say, there's one born every minute.
Well, anybody would've
done the same thing.
You couldn't help it. What
a salesman this guy is.
No kidding, Dad. He's even a
better salesman than you are.
Oh?
Bud, there's, uh,
one other problem.
What do you think we
ought to do about the $6?
Well, I'll pay you back.
I'll work... mow lawns or
something. Honest, I will.
Is that okay, Dad?
Under the circumstances, I
think that's a fair arrangement,
as long as you understand
you've made a big mistake.
You gambled, and you
spent money that wasn't yours.
Now, promise you
won't do it again.
I promise. Boy, this
has taught me a lesson.
I hope so. If it has,
it may be the best
$6 you've ever spent.
I just can't figure
how he did it.
The guy's so slick, so smooth.
I know, I know. You
ever worked in a carnival?
No. But I know something
about this one here.
They wanted me to handle their
insurance coverage while they're in town.
Did you do it?
This is not one of
the better carnivals.
I was afraid I'd come
out the way Bud did.
This fellow's kind
of a magician.
He puts you in sort of a
trance when you listen to him.
Sure like to know
how he does it.
Well, if you're not careful, you'll be back
in that trance just thinking about him.
He was real
amazing. You leaving?
Yeah, I'm gonna go over to Kippy's
for a while. There's no school tomorrow.
Well, be home
early. Yeah, I will.
Well, all things considered,
I think you let
him off pretty easy.
Oh, honey, I remembered when
the carnival came to our town
and I was about Bud's age.
My father had given me $5 to
buy myself a new pair of shoes.
Hey, hey, hey, we
got a player here.
Everybody wins
at the rolling game.
Poor guy thinks he's
gonna win all of that stuff.
Yeah, the poor sap.
He hasn't got a chance.
Hey, hey, we got a
winner here, a winner.
The gentleman wins the jackpot.
There you are, sir.
You see? I told
you. It's on the level.
Well, well, my little
friends are back.
Buddy and his pal, huh? How
are you, fellas? Nice to see you.
Boy, the guy who was just
here really won a pile of stuff.
Oh, but they've been doing that
ever since you left here this afternoon.
It's murder. Everybody's winning.
If they keep this up, I'll be broke.
Want to take another
crack at a wristwatch?
You got any money? No.
But I couldn't anyway.
I promised my folks.
Like home movies?
Look at this camera. Ain't
it a beaut? Honest, I can't.
If you don't want to play,
what did you come back for?
We just came over to see you.
You mean a friendly visit?
Yeah.
You know something,
buddy? It's been a long time
since a former customer of mine
came back for anything like that.
I sure appreciate
it. My name's Burt.
You know, you're a couple
of smart kids. Real sharp.
I caught that this afternoon.
What's on your mind?
That guy that was just here,
did he really win all that stuff?
We're friends, huh? Sure.
Don't tell nobody,
but he's a shill.
You don't know what a shill is?
Well, he works for me.
He's been winning
that same stuff for years.
That radio's near wore out from pushing
it back and forth across the counter.
That's pretty good.
Isn't that illegal?
What's illegal about it?
A hunter uses decoys to fool
the ducks, don't he? I use a shill.
The only difference
is, I'm hunting pigeons.
You sure make people
believe they're gonna win.
That, buddy boy, is no problem.
You see, the world is full
of suckers, millions of 'em,
everybody trying to get
something for nothing.
I'll bet you boys never thought
of that, did you? Well, it's true.
You know, I've been handling
the concessions on this show
before you boys
were on this earth.
And, uh, I got a nice,
big home in New York,
a ranch in Texas, and an
orange grove in California.
And you know who bought
'em for me? The suckers.
That's who bought
'em for me. The suckers.
Hey, hey, hey. Play
the rolling game.
A phenomenal,
fantastic game of skill.
Everybody wins
at the rolling game.
Pretty slow for a Friday night.
Hey, Burt, how come you can say
“everybody wins” when they don't?
Well, Buddy, you can't
tell 'em they're gonna lose.
Look, every sucker
thinks he's a wise guy.
He thinks he's smarter
than anybody else.
He even thinks he's
smarter than me.
That's why he puts down
his money and thinks
he's gonna walk away with 100
bucks worth of stuff for a buck.
Ah, he's out to gyp me.
So I got to gyp him
back. It's self-defense.
Listen, Buddy, let
me tell you something.
You know all them slogans
like “Don't give up the ship,”
“Don't fire till you see the
whites of their eyes,” them things?
There's only one slogan
that you got to remember:
“Never give a sucker
an even break.”
Hey, we need some
guys in the tubs.
Get 'em down there.
We got to close up. Okay.
Say, look, uh,
I suppose you guys got other
plans for the night, but, uh,
no harm in asking...
How would you like a job?
Job? Sure! You bet! Wouldn't we?
Well, I don't know. We
ought to ask our folks first.
They won't care. All right,
boys. You got yourself a deal.
What are the tubs?
The tubs, Buddy, is
the finest job on the lot.
The biggest play
and the biggest dough.
Yes, sirree, you guys
are gonna be dynamite.
I couldn't have found
a better job for a
couple of pals if I had
picked it out myself.
You know that?
Father, it's after 10:30.
Where's Bud? Shh!
Louise, this is Margaret.
Is Bud over there?
Well, he left here about 7:00 and
said he was going over to see Kippy.
Oh, they did? Well, I
guess that's where they are.
Thank you very much. Goodbye.
Louise said they
left there about 8:00.
She thinks they went
over to the carnival.
He shouldn't be hanging
around there this time of night.
I'll bet he's down there
watching that genius
who swindled him this afternoon.
What's so appealing about
a beaten-up old carnival?
Oh, the old lure of the circus.
I'd better go find Bud. It's
kind of late for him to be out.
If you're going to the
carnival, I'm coming with you.
Oh, wait for me. I'll be down in
a minute. Where are you going?
The carnival. Yeah,
man! Wait for me!
There's no reason
for all of us to go.
You didn't really think you
were going alone, did you?
Talk about the
lure of the circus.
[man] See the fire dance and
the wiki-wacki-wula, friends.
It's all on the inside. The
most beautiful, most exotic
dancing girls from
the South Seas,
and starring that dazzling, daring
queen of the hula girls, Bombalulu!
It's all on the inside, folks. The
show's about to begin. Get your tickets.
Thank you very well, madam. How about you
there, lady? Get your ticket right here.
I see now why you wanted
to come down here tonight.
Oh, aren't you the clever one?
We could walk around here
all night and never find Bud.
I know how we can find him.
Let's get up on the Ferris wheel.
Then we can look
down and see everything!
Oh, sure. [chuckles]
[Bud] Hey, pantywaist!
Go home to your mother!
Isn't that Bud's
voice? It sure is.
Oh, no! Oh, no!
What's the matter?
Can't you see?
You couldn't hit the
floor with your hat!
Why don't you go home?
Hey, your grandmother
can throw harder than that!
What's the matter?
You weak or something?
Cut it out, Bud! You're
making the guy sore!
That's the idea. The madder
he gets, the more balls he throws,
and the bigger our cut.
Hey, look at sweetie
pie! Ain't he cute?
Can't hit nothing,
but he sure is cute!
Leave the guy alone,
will you? He'll clobber us!
He couldn't hit the broad side
of a barn if he was locked inside.
I'm not worried. I know,
but he's throwing at me!
[cheering, applauding]
Lucky shot! Who threw
that one for you, Lula Belle?
Well, how did Bud get up there?
This is the most horrible
thing I've ever seen.
Get him out of there,
Father! Get him out!
Jim, do something!
Get the manager!
It's not funny, Father. It's
degrading and humiliating.
Shh! Hi, hi, hi!
All right, wise guy, now it's gonna be
your turn. Watch me dunk this joker.
Well, old spaghetti-arm's
gonna try again.
Hey you're throwing in the wrong
direction. The target's over there!
Over there, sweetie pie!
Oh, baby, now! Oh!
Oh, it's little prairie
fire, wild as wild can be.
Hey, we got a pitcher
here. A cream pitcher.
He pitches cream puffs.
Ol' Cream Puff Charlie.
Can't hit nothing,
but he sure is sweet!
Hey, blue-eyes, over here.
Somebody give that
guy a compass. He's lost.
Hey, keep in the country.
That one went out
of the park, dew-drop.
The little darling is tired.
Sorry.
[Bud] Hey, try throwing
it with your feet.
I bet you can't throw this far!
Put a stamp on it
and send it airmail.
Yoo-hoo! Prairie flower,
does your mother
know you're out?
♪ The cat's in the fiddle
and the bird's in the tree ♪
♪ Pop's in the woodshed
and you can't... ♪
[cheering, applauding]
Oh, Jim, he'll
catch cold in there!
Performing in a
cage like a baboon.
What if our friends saw him?
What if my friends
at school saw him?
“Oh, Betty, I saw your
brother Friday night.
He was in a cage
at the carnival.”
I'm not concerned about that.
I just don't think a carnival is the right
place for a boy his age to be working.
Well, I thought
he did pretty good.
Kitten, run up and tell
Bud to hurry. We're waiting.
Bud!
[pounding on door]
Daddy says hurry
up, they're waiting.
Yeah? What do they want? They want
to talk to you. you know what that means.
Ha! You'd better hurry.
Don't crowd me, little one.
Was it fun working
at the carnival?
Yeah, it's okay. A lot of smart
guys. You learn a lot of stuff.
What kind of stuff?
Well, about life. I got a
whole new philosophy.
You did? Where is it?
It's in your head.
Ideas. That's
when you get smart.
I like you, kid, and I'm
gonna tell you something.
Don't never give a sucker an
even break. You remember that.
What does that mean?
Well, I'll show you.
Look, kid, I'll give you a dollar
if you'll go get my bathrobe.
A dollar? You bet!
Thanks.
Where's my dollar?
For bringing in my
bathrobe? Are you crazy?
See? You were the
sucker. You believed me.
But you... Go away.
You bother me.
[laughing]
[Margaret] Bud!
I'm coming.
[Jim] Is he coming?
Yeah, him and his “philoposthy.”
Mom, you and Betty were great.
That bit you put on, shoving the yokel
while he was trying to throw, was dynamite.
We weren't
performing, jungle boy.
We were trying to keep you from
getting drowned, and don't ask me why.
I'll talk to Burt about it. Might be a
sensational gag to hype the game.
Might even get you a steady job,
jostling the rubes like you did tonight.
Father, you called him downstairs
to talk to him, remember?
Okay, what's the pitch?
Something in your eye? [mumbles]
Well, I'll get
right to the point.
How did you happen to wind up in that
dunk-'em game at the carnival tonight?
Just a lucky break. Me and
Kippy were talking to Burt...
Who's Burt? Oh, he's
the big man down there.
Runs all the concessions.
You know, the guy at the “roll 'em
and win” game where I lost the 6 bucks.
Well, we were talking
to him, and, gee,
he turns out to be
a wonderful guy.
He took a liking to me, and I liked
him right away. No kidding, Dad.
There is the smartest
man I've ever met in my life.
Smarter than your
own father, I suppose.
Well...
no, but in a different way.
You see, Burt's been
around. He knows life.
He knows life like a book. And
people... people he knows inside out.
You don't often see them
that way, but it's good to know.
That's what I said.
Why, being with Burt is
just like going to college.
Already I got a whole new slant
on things. You know what Burt says?
The world is full of suckers.
There's one born every minute.
Just like you said, Dad. They
got money in their pockets,
and they're just looking for
somebody to take it away from them.
You know what I think?
There was a hole in that cage, and
one of those balls hit you in the head.
Well, anyway, Burt gave
us the job in the tubs.
That's what we call
the game in carnie talk.
And he says I got a job with
the show for as long as I want it.
He really likes me.
Like I've know him all
my life. A real friend.
Now, Bud, how can you like someone
who makes a business of cheating people?
It's not cheating, Mom.
It's-It's self defense,
like Burt says.
The suckers are there, and if you
don't skin 'em, somebody else will.
And here's another thing he says,
and this shows how smart he is:
'Never give a sucker
an even break.”
That's gonna be my
motto from now on.
Well, I got to hit the sack.
Got to work tomorrow.
Work? Where? At the carnival.
Burt wants me there early in the
morning so we can get things organized.
Now, Bud, wait a minute!
I don't think we want
you to work at the carnival.
Well, at last.
Mom, I've go to.
I promised Burt. He's counting
on me. I can't let him down.
Well, you should have asked us
before you made these promises.
Mom, do you know how
much he's paying me?
Do you know how much I
earned tonight? Just tonight? $25.
Oh, no! $25 for
sitting in that cage?
25 bucks, and that was
only for three hours' work.
Just think how much I'll
make if I work all day tomorrow.
Mom, I've got to go. Burt's expecting
me. Besides, tomorrow's payday.
May be a good idea.
Little experience around a
carnival might be worthwhile.
Father, you're
kidding! Dad's right.
I can learn more working
there than going to school.
Well it's all set.
I go to work in the morning.
I'll pay you back your 6 bucks.
What's 6 from 25? 18? 19.
I'll have 19 bucks left,
plus what I make tomorrow!
Yahoo!
Why did you do that?
Well, for the reason I said.
I felt a little experience
around this kind
of a carnival might be
just what Bud needs.
Mom, Mom, I'm leaving!
Why so early? What
about breakfast?
Oh, I'll eat at the lot, get
a hot dog or something.
A hot dog?
♪♪ [whistling]
Sorry, Dad. I'll see you.
Payday at the carnival.
Where's the carnival?
Who knows? Pulled out
of here at 3:00 this morning.
[Burt's voice] Just
remember this, Buddy...
Never give a sucker
an even break.
Here comes Bud.
Well, he just left. I
wonder what happened.
The, uh, carnival was
gone. No Burt, no money.
All he found was an
empty, dirty, vacant lot.
They left early this morning.
You know last night
they were leaving.
When they applied for the insurance,
they said they'd be pulling out
shortly after
midnight Friday night.
Oh, Bud...
You knew Burt was
lying to me, didn't you?
I hated to do it, son.
I was asking for it.
I was the sucker,
and like Burt says,
you never give
'em an even break.
Oh, uh, this was in the
mailbox with your name on it.
Who's it from? I don't know.
Well, maybe this explains it.
What's it say?
“Buddy boy, I wouldn't do this
“for nobody but you.
“There's a sucker
born every minute,
and this proves
I'm one of them.”
It's the watch I was trying
to win... the $75 watch!
“P.S., this ain't a $75 watch.
“It cost me 2 bucks.
“So every time you look at it,
“remember, Buddy
boy, to stay away
“from guys like me.
Good luck. Burt.”
Ma, how about
breakfast? We're hungry.
♪♪ [theme]
[man] Robert Young
and Jane Wyatt,
[chuckling]
with Elinor Donahue, Billy
Gray and Laurin Chapin,
in...
[calliope playing]
[people chattering]
[man] She moves,
she talks, she's alive.
Mamina the Mermaid.
See the siren of the deep...
Half-fish, half-girl.
Mamina... exotic, exciting.
See her do the hoochie-coochie
and the Oceania Rose.
She's the Caribbean cutie.
This water baby is so hot,
she burned out the
bearings in the Bering Sea.
And it's all on the inside,
ladies and gentlemen.
Hey, Bud, you got any money?
I got 6 bucks. You got 6 bucks?
Yeah, but it's not mine. I got to pay
for my dad's pants at the tailor shop.
Well, what kind of pants
can you buy for six bucks?
He's not buying them. He ripped
them, and he's having them re-woven.
Oh. Hey. Hey, fellas.
You talking to us? Yeah,
yeah. Come here a minute.
What do you want? Look.
Now, I don't want the
boss to see me doing this,
but business is kind of slow,
and there's nobody around, huh?
Get a load of that.
Ain't that some watch?
Gee, that's a beauty.
This is a $75 wristwatch.
How much money you got?
I don't have any. I got 6 bucks.
But it's not mine, it's my dad's. I
got to pick up his pants at the tailor's.
Look, how would you like to
have this watch for one buck?
A buck? Are you kiddin'?
No, no, I'm not kiddin'.
What's your name?
My name's Bud
Anderson. This is Kippy. Hi.
Now, look, buddy, I'm gonna let you
have this $75 wristwatch for a buck.
Now, ain't that a fair deal?
Ain't that a fair deal? Yeah, but...
You couldn't ask for a better
deal than that, could you?
No. It's okay.
But I haven't got a buck to spend.
I've got to pick up my dad's pants.
Oh, get the pants later. A
watch like that for a buck?
You're crazy if you don't
take it. Yeah, I know.
Look at this. See?
Nothin' to it. Now, look, buddy.
I'm givin' you the watch... I'm
givin' it to you, see? for a buck.
All you got to to is
roll one ball in the hole.
Just one. That's all.
Oh, I got to do that, huh?
Why, sure. I'm giving
you a $75 watch for a buck.
What do you want? I should
give it to you for nothin'?
Look. You can do it
with your eyes closed.
You get five balls
for a buck, see?
All you got to do is get one in.
What could be easier than that?
What could be easier than that, huh?
Ah, you're leery of
the deal, huh, buddy?
Well, you're a tough customer.
But you know what? I
wouldn't do this for nobody else,
but I like you.
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna throw in this
genuine wool blanket.
Get this... this blanket is hand-wove
by the Winnepekatchie Indians.
A $50 value. So there you are...
A $50 blanket and a $75 watch.
All you got to do is roll one
ball in the hole. That's all.
Now, ain't that a fair
deal? Ain't it, buddy?
That's 125 bucks!
You got to get at least one ball in
out of 5. You couldn't miss if you tried.
Sure. He's right.
I'm stupid. I ought to
get my head examined.
I'm a sucker for giving
away stuff like this.
But there it is.
Take it or leave it.
You get one ball in the
hole, and you take home
a genuine Indian blanket
and the wristwatch.
Okay. All right,
all right, folks.
Win and win with
the rolling game.
Prizes, prizes, prizes.
Win with the rolling game.
I wonder what could've
happened to Bud.
It's not like him to
be this late for dinner.
Oh, he must've stopped off on
some of his friends' on the way.
[Margaret] One of these days, I'm
gonna tie an alarm clock around his neck.
[Jim] It couldn't have taken him this long
just to go to the tailor's shop and back.
[Kathy] I'll bet you anything
he went to the carnival.
No, he promised he
wouldn't stop on the way.
When I gave him the money
to pay for the trousers, I said,
“Dinner'll be ready in a half
hour, so don't fool around.”
Maybe he took the
money and... No, no, no.
Bud's old enough to be trusted. He
wouldn't take money that wasn't his.
You looking for someone, Bud?
Oh, hi, Dad.
What took you so long?
We almost set the
F.B.I. on your trail.
Oh, uh, what'd the tailor
do about the trousers?
They get the
rip fixed all right?
Yeah, I guess so. I don't know.
Bud, where've you been?
Dinner's over. What happened?
Well, I ate at Kippy's house.
Where are the
trousers? I didn't get 'em.
Why not? Well... we took a
shortcut through the carnival.
Bud, you didn't!
Well, we weren't gonna stop.
We were just walking through.
And there was this place
there with prizes and stuff,
and this guy called us over.
And somehow he found out I
had 6 bucks. How did he find out?
I told him. Bud Anderson!
Well, I didn't mean to
break my promise, Mom,
but this guy says,
“Do you want a $75
watch for a buck?”
I said, “Sure. Golly,
a watch like that?”
And then he said,
“All you have to do
“is roll one ball into
one of those holes,
one ball out of 5, and you
get the watch for a buck.”
Well, I said no.
And then he threw
in an Indian blanket,
a $50 value.
Well, it looked so simple,
I just couldn't miss.
But I did.
I must've been out of my head,
'cause I didn't quit
after I lost a buck.
The guy was real sorry I missed,
so he took out this
pair of field glasses,
a $200 value,
and this portable
radio, a $65 value,
and he puts 'em right alongside
the watch and the blanket.
And then he said I could
take home the whole works
for rolling just one ball
into one of the holes...
One ball out of
6... for 2 bucks.
Well, it looked so simple.
At least one ball had to go in.
One almost did.
I lost the 6 bucks.
Isn't anybody
gonna say anything?
There's no point in our telling you how
foolish you were. You already know that.
But I didn't want
to lose the money.
How did the guy make me do something
I didn't want to do? Was I stupid?
No, you were just
a healthy, normal,
slightly-younger-than-average
sucker.
As the shadier carnival men
say, there's one born every minute.
Well, anybody would've
done the same thing.
You couldn't help it. What
a salesman this guy is.
No kidding, Dad. He's even a
better salesman than you are.
Oh?
Bud, there's, uh,
one other problem.
What do you think we
ought to do about the $6?
Well, I'll pay you back.
I'll work... mow lawns or
something. Honest, I will.
Is that okay, Dad?
Under the circumstances, I
think that's a fair arrangement,
as long as you understand
you've made a big mistake.
You gambled, and you
spent money that wasn't yours.
Now, promise you
won't do it again.
I promise. Boy, this
has taught me a lesson.
I hope so. If it has,
it may be the best
$6 you've ever spent.
I just can't figure
how he did it.
The guy's so slick, so smooth.
I know, I know. You
ever worked in a carnival?
No. But I know something
about this one here.
They wanted me to handle their
insurance coverage while they're in town.
Did you do it?
This is not one of
the better carnivals.
I was afraid I'd come
out the way Bud did.
This fellow's kind
of a magician.
He puts you in sort of a
trance when you listen to him.
Sure like to know
how he does it.
Well, if you're not careful, you'll be back
in that trance just thinking about him.
He was real
amazing. You leaving?
Yeah, I'm gonna go over to Kippy's
for a while. There's no school tomorrow.
Well, be home
early. Yeah, I will.
Well, all things considered,
I think you let
him off pretty easy.
Oh, honey, I remembered when
the carnival came to our town
and I was about Bud's age.
My father had given me $5 to
buy myself a new pair of shoes.
Hey, hey, hey, we
got a player here.
Everybody wins
at the rolling game.
Poor guy thinks he's
gonna win all of that stuff.
Yeah, the poor sap.
He hasn't got a chance.
Hey, hey, we got a
winner here, a winner.
The gentleman wins the jackpot.
There you are, sir.
You see? I told
you. It's on the level.
Well, well, my little
friends are back.
Buddy and his pal, huh? How
are you, fellas? Nice to see you.
Boy, the guy who was just
here really won a pile of stuff.
Oh, but they've been doing that
ever since you left here this afternoon.
It's murder. Everybody's winning.
If they keep this up, I'll be broke.
Want to take another
crack at a wristwatch?
You got any money? No.
But I couldn't anyway.
I promised my folks.
Like home movies?
Look at this camera. Ain't
it a beaut? Honest, I can't.
If you don't want to play,
what did you come back for?
We just came over to see you.
You mean a friendly visit?
Yeah.
You know something,
buddy? It's been a long time
since a former customer of mine
came back for anything like that.
I sure appreciate
it. My name's Burt.
You know, you're a couple
of smart kids. Real sharp.
I caught that this afternoon.
What's on your mind?
That guy that was just here,
did he really win all that stuff?
We're friends, huh? Sure.
Don't tell nobody,
but he's a shill.
You don't know what a shill is?
Well, he works for me.
He's been winning
that same stuff for years.
That radio's near wore out from pushing
it back and forth across the counter.
That's pretty good.
Isn't that illegal?
What's illegal about it?
A hunter uses decoys to fool
the ducks, don't he? I use a shill.
The only difference
is, I'm hunting pigeons.
You sure make people
believe they're gonna win.
That, buddy boy, is no problem.
You see, the world is full
of suckers, millions of 'em,
everybody trying to get
something for nothing.
I'll bet you boys never thought
of that, did you? Well, it's true.
You know, I've been handling
the concessions on this show
before you boys
were on this earth.
And, uh, I got a nice,
big home in New York,
a ranch in Texas, and an
orange grove in California.
And you know who bought
'em for me? The suckers.
That's who bought
'em for me. The suckers.
Hey, hey, hey. Play
the rolling game.
A phenomenal,
fantastic game of skill.
Everybody wins
at the rolling game.
Pretty slow for a Friday night.
Hey, Burt, how come you can say
“everybody wins” when they don't?
Well, Buddy, you can't
tell 'em they're gonna lose.
Look, every sucker
thinks he's a wise guy.
He thinks he's smarter
than anybody else.
He even thinks he's
smarter than me.
That's why he puts down
his money and thinks
he's gonna walk away with 100
bucks worth of stuff for a buck.
Ah, he's out to gyp me.
So I got to gyp him
back. It's self-defense.
Listen, Buddy, let
me tell you something.
You know all them slogans
like “Don't give up the ship,”
“Don't fire till you see the
whites of their eyes,” them things?
There's only one slogan
that you got to remember:
“Never give a sucker
an even break.”
Hey, we need some
guys in the tubs.
Get 'em down there.
We got to close up. Okay.
Say, look, uh,
I suppose you guys got other
plans for the night, but, uh,
no harm in asking...
How would you like a job?
Job? Sure! You bet! Wouldn't we?
Well, I don't know. We
ought to ask our folks first.
They won't care. All right,
boys. You got yourself a deal.
What are the tubs?
The tubs, Buddy, is
the finest job on the lot.
The biggest play
and the biggest dough.
Yes, sirree, you guys
are gonna be dynamite.
I couldn't have found
a better job for a
couple of pals if I had
picked it out myself.
You know that?
Father, it's after 10:30.
Where's Bud? Shh!
Louise, this is Margaret.
Is Bud over there?
Well, he left here about 7:00 and
said he was going over to see Kippy.
Oh, they did? Well, I
guess that's where they are.
Thank you very much. Goodbye.
Louise said they
left there about 8:00.
She thinks they went
over to the carnival.
He shouldn't be hanging
around there this time of night.
I'll bet he's down there
watching that genius
who swindled him this afternoon.
What's so appealing about
a beaten-up old carnival?
Oh, the old lure of the circus.
I'd better go find Bud. It's
kind of late for him to be out.
If you're going to the
carnival, I'm coming with you.
Oh, wait for me. I'll be down in
a minute. Where are you going?
The carnival. Yeah,
man! Wait for me!
There's no reason
for all of us to go.
You didn't really think you
were going alone, did you?
Talk about the
lure of the circus.
[man] See the fire dance and
the wiki-wacki-wula, friends.
It's all on the inside. The
most beautiful, most exotic
dancing girls from
the South Seas,
and starring that dazzling, daring
queen of the hula girls, Bombalulu!
It's all on the inside, folks. The
show's about to begin. Get your tickets.
Thank you very well, madam. How about you
there, lady? Get your ticket right here.
I see now why you wanted
to come down here tonight.
Oh, aren't you the clever one?
We could walk around here
all night and never find Bud.
I know how we can find him.
Let's get up on the Ferris wheel.
Then we can look
down and see everything!
Oh, sure. [chuckles]
[Bud] Hey, pantywaist!
Go home to your mother!
Isn't that Bud's
voice? It sure is.
Oh, no! Oh, no!
What's the matter?
Can't you see?
You couldn't hit the
floor with your hat!
Why don't you go home?
Hey, your grandmother
can throw harder than that!
What's the matter?
You weak or something?
Cut it out, Bud! You're
making the guy sore!
That's the idea. The madder
he gets, the more balls he throws,
and the bigger our cut.
Hey, look at sweetie
pie! Ain't he cute?
Can't hit nothing,
but he sure is cute!
Leave the guy alone,
will you? He'll clobber us!
He couldn't hit the broad side
of a barn if he was locked inside.
I'm not worried. I know,
but he's throwing at me!
[cheering, applauding]
Lucky shot! Who threw
that one for you, Lula Belle?
Well, how did Bud get up there?
This is the most horrible
thing I've ever seen.
Get him out of there,
Father! Get him out!
Jim, do something!
Get the manager!
It's not funny, Father. It's
degrading and humiliating.
Shh! Hi, hi, hi!
All right, wise guy, now it's gonna be
your turn. Watch me dunk this joker.
Well, old spaghetti-arm's
gonna try again.
Hey you're throwing in the wrong
direction. The target's over there!
Over there, sweetie pie!
Oh, baby, now! Oh!
Oh, it's little prairie
fire, wild as wild can be.
Hey, we got a pitcher
here. A cream pitcher.
He pitches cream puffs.
Ol' Cream Puff Charlie.
Can't hit nothing,
but he sure is sweet!
Hey, blue-eyes, over here.
Somebody give that
guy a compass. He's lost.
Hey, keep in the country.
That one went out
of the park, dew-drop.
The little darling is tired.
Sorry.
[Bud] Hey, try throwing
it with your feet.
I bet you can't throw this far!
Put a stamp on it
and send it airmail.
Yoo-hoo! Prairie flower,
does your mother
know you're out?
♪ The cat's in the fiddle
and the bird's in the tree ♪
♪ Pop's in the woodshed
and you can't... ♪
[cheering, applauding]
Oh, Jim, he'll
catch cold in there!
Performing in a
cage like a baboon.
What if our friends saw him?
What if my friends
at school saw him?
“Oh, Betty, I saw your
brother Friday night.
He was in a cage
at the carnival.”
I'm not concerned about that.
I just don't think a carnival is the right
place for a boy his age to be working.
Well, I thought
he did pretty good.
Kitten, run up and tell
Bud to hurry. We're waiting.
Bud!
[pounding on door]
Daddy says hurry
up, they're waiting.
Yeah? What do they want? They want
to talk to you. you know what that means.
Ha! You'd better hurry.
Don't crowd me, little one.
Was it fun working
at the carnival?
Yeah, it's okay. A lot of smart
guys. You learn a lot of stuff.
What kind of stuff?
Well, about life. I got a
whole new philosophy.
You did? Where is it?
It's in your head.
Ideas. That's
when you get smart.
I like you, kid, and I'm
gonna tell you something.
Don't never give a sucker an
even break. You remember that.
What does that mean?
Well, I'll show you.
Look, kid, I'll give you a dollar
if you'll go get my bathrobe.
A dollar? You bet!
Thanks.
Where's my dollar?
For bringing in my
bathrobe? Are you crazy?
See? You were the
sucker. You believed me.
But you... Go away.
You bother me.
[laughing]
[Margaret] Bud!
I'm coming.
[Jim] Is he coming?
Yeah, him and his “philoposthy.”
Mom, you and Betty were great.
That bit you put on, shoving the yokel
while he was trying to throw, was dynamite.
We weren't
performing, jungle boy.
We were trying to keep you from
getting drowned, and don't ask me why.
I'll talk to Burt about it. Might be a
sensational gag to hype the game.
Might even get you a steady job,
jostling the rubes like you did tonight.
Father, you called him downstairs
to talk to him, remember?
Okay, what's the pitch?
Something in your eye? [mumbles]
Well, I'll get
right to the point.
How did you happen to wind up in that
dunk-'em game at the carnival tonight?
Just a lucky break. Me and
Kippy were talking to Burt...
Who's Burt? Oh, he's
the big man down there.
Runs all the concessions.
You know, the guy at the “roll 'em
and win” game where I lost the 6 bucks.
Well, we were talking
to him, and, gee,
he turns out to be
a wonderful guy.
He took a liking to me, and I liked
him right away. No kidding, Dad.
There is the smartest
man I've ever met in my life.
Smarter than your
own father, I suppose.
Well...
no, but in a different way.
You see, Burt's been
around. He knows life.
He knows life like a book. And
people... people he knows inside out.
You don't often see them
that way, but it's good to know.
That's what I said.
Why, being with Burt is
just like going to college.
Already I got a whole new slant
on things. You know what Burt says?
The world is full of suckers.
There's one born every minute.
Just like you said, Dad. They
got money in their pockets,
and they're just looking for
somebody to take it away from them.
You know what I think?
There was a hole in that cage, and
one of those balls hit you in the head.
Well, anyway, Burt gave
us the job in the tubs.
That's what we call
the game in carnie talk.
And he says I got a job with
the show for as long as I want it.
He really likes me.
Like I've know him all
my life. A real friend.
Now, Bud, how can you like someone
who makes a business of cheating people?
It's not cheating, Mom.
It's-It's self defense,
like Burt says.
The suckers are there, and if you
don't skin 'em, somebody else will.
And here's another thing he says,
and this shows how smart he is:
'Never give a sucker
an even break.”
That's gonna be my
motto from now on.
Well, I got to hit the sack.
Got to work tomorrow.
Work? Where? At the carnival.
Burt wants me there early in the
morning so we can get things organized.
Now, Bud, wait a minute!
I don't think we want
you to work at the carnival.
Well, at last.
Mom, I've go to.
I promised Burt. He's counting
on me. I can't let him down.
Well, you should have asked us
before you made these promises.
Mom, do you know how
much he's paying me?
Do you know how much I
earned tonight? Just tonight? $25.
Oh, no! $25 for
sitting in that cage?
25 bucks, and that was
only for three hours' work.
Just think how much I'll
make if I work all day tomorrow.
Mom, I've got to go. Burt's expecting
me. Besides, tomorrow's payday.
May be a good idea.
Little experience around a
carnival might be worthwhile.
Father, you're
kidding! Dad's right.
I can learn more working
there than going to school.
Well it's all set.
I go to work in the morning.
I'll pay you back your 6 bucks.
What's 6 from 25? 18? 19.
I'll have 19 bucks left,
plus what I make tomorrow!
Yahoo!
Why did you do that?
Well, for the reason I said.
I felt a little experience
around this kind
of a carnival might be
just what Bud needs.
Mom, Mom, I'm leaving!
Why so early? What
about breakfast?
Oh, I'll eat at the lot, get
a hot dog or something.
A hot dog?
♪♪ [whistling]
Sorry, Dad. I'll see you.
Payday at the carnival.
Where's the carnival?
Who knows? Pulled out
of here at 3:00 this morning.
[Burt's voice] Just
remember this, Buddy...
Never give a sucker
an even break.
Here comes Bud.
Well, he just left. I
wonder what happened.
The, uh, carnival was
gone. No Burt, no money.
All he found was an
empty, dirty, vacant lot.
They left early this morning.
You know last night
they were leaving.
When they applied for the insurance,
they said they'd be pulling out
shortly after
midnight Friday night.
Oh, Bud...
You knew Burt was
lying to me, didn't you?
I hated to do it, son.
I was asking for it.
I was the sucker,
and like Burt says,
you never give
'em an even break.
Oh, uh, this was in the
mailbox with your name on it.
Who's it from? I don't know.
Well, maybe this explains it.
What's it say?
“Buddy boy, I wouldn't do this
“for nobody but you.
“There's a sucker
born every minute,
and this proves
I'm one of them.”
It's the watch I was trying
to win... the $75 watch!
“P.S., this ain't a $75 watch.
“It cost me 2 bucks.
“So every time you look at it,
“remember, Buddy
boy, to stay away
“from guys like me.
Good luck. Burt.”
Ma, how about
breakfast? We're hungry.
♪♪ [theme]