Father Knows Best (1954–1960): Season 3, Episode 20 - The Lawn Party - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

[man] Robert Young

and Jane Wyatt,

[chuckling]

with Elinor Donahue, Billy
Gray, and Laurin Chapin,

in...

Mom, Mom!

Ah, there's that dear, sweet,
little old favorite mother of mine.

By George, Mother, you're looking
younger and prettier every day.

All right, all right.
Let's have it.

What do you want dear sweet,
little old Mother to do for you?



Just a little advice, that's
all. Oh, that's all, is it?

Yep. If our Highlight Club
decided to have a social event,

what kind do you think it'd be
good to have... a lawn party?

Well, I guess that'd
be good as any.

Great! I'm glad you're so enthusiastic
about it! Guess what we decided on?

You mean you've already decided?
Then why did you bother to ask my advice?

Well, I thought it'd work out
nice since you like lawn parties,

seeing you and Dad are
gonna be the chaperones for it.

Chaperones? Oh, I knew
there was a catch to this.

Now wait a minute, Mom. Why is it always
your father and I that do these things?

Why can't some of the
other parents once in a while?

Well, the guys voted
for you and Dad.

Well, you might've at least found
out if we were willing candidates

before you did all this voting.



Well, you'll do it, won't you?

Oh, I suppose so. We always do.

Hi. But you'd
better ask him first.

Ask me about what?

About being the
chaperones for our Highlight

lawn party, which Mom
is very enthusiastic about.

I never said I was enthusiastic.

Chaperones? Why are we
always stuck with this job?

I guess it's 'cause you're
so likable and popular.

Such lovable suckers.

Son, I'd just like to stay home
for a few evenings and relax.

Then this'll work out great because
this is a job you can do at home.

Oh, now that's silly. How
can I go out to a lawn party

and stay home at the same time?

Well, because, uh, the
party's gonna be at our place.

At our place? Bud,
you never told me that!

Couldn't you check with
us... Why didn't you ask us...

before you go ahead and...

Just when is this Japanese
lantern clam bake going to be?

Well, we voted against Japanese
lanterns. Too old-fashioned.

I didn't ask you that. I
asked, when is it going to be?

Oh. Oh, it's next
Saturday night.

Saturday night? You
mean tomorrow night?

It's what the guys voted.

[both groan]

Dad?

Yeah, I don't know what
you're so upset about.

Us kids have been having parties and
stuff at our place for years and years.

And you always said you
preferred having the guys over here.

That way you knew where we
were and what we were doing.

Yes, that's true, but...

And you always keep
soda pop and ice cream in

our refrigerator so
when the kids drop over...

Yes, yes. That's all true.

We've always tried to make a good
home for you kids and your friends.

But now you're abusing it.

Busting in here at the last
minute, upsetting the household.

No thought as to who's
gonna do all the work.

Do you know how much work
there is to putting on a lawn party?

This is just gonna
be a simple thing.

All we're gonna have to
eat is potato salad, that's all.

Maybe baked beans,

ham, garlic bread,

barbecue a few
spare ribs, that's all.

That's all, huh? Yeah.

And a couple of
freezers of ice cream.

Oh, boy! Can I
come to the party?

And the only
decorating we want done

is some simple colored
lights in the backyard.

That's all. And a few streamers.

Wax the driveway
for dancing. Bud...

Benches, tables.

Build some booths
for the dart games.

But just little, simple stuff.

Oh, sure. And who do
you think's gonna wind up

doing all that simple
stuff... your mother.

Oh, no. Us guys will help.

Can you boys bake beans? No.

Can you make
potato salad? Well, no.

All right, then.

You know who's
gonna do it... Mother.

Who do you think's gonna be setting
up the tables and stringing up the lights?

Mother. Aren't you
gonna help at all, Dad?

Look, I do my share.

Who takes you and your little Squaw
group out in the country on nature hikes?

Mother.

I do it too. And
plenty more too.

How many, many times
have... Oh, hello, Father.

Would you have time to get
my record player fixed tomorrow?

Some of the girls are coming over
for a slumber party Saturday evening.

Slumber party?

Oh, no, you don't. I've booked
the place for tomorrow night.

What's this about
a slumber party?

Oh, it's not really a party. It's
just an impromptu little thing.

A few of the girls are
gonna drop over and...

Why can't you drop over to the other
girls' houses once in a while for a change?

Well, they'd rather come here.

They all say it's good
pickin's over here.

I'm afraid, Betty, that this'll have to
be a question of first come, first served.

And we'll have all we can
do to handle Bud's lawn party.

“Lawn party”?

You can't ready for a lawn
party by tomorrow night.

Well, we're gonna have
to. The guys voted on it.

We've all got
dates. It's all set.

Now, wait a minute.
I'm not so sure it's all set.

We have to figure
out what there is to do,

and then find out if
there's time to do it.

Well, come on. Let's
start figuring, then.

Oh, yes, lumber.

We have to round up some
lumber for those confounded booths.

Well, nothing
elaborate. Just simple.

Okay, simple lumber.

But we still have to round
it up, and that takes time.

And put down charcoal for
the barbecue, and uh, oh, yes...

Paper tablecloths, paper
napkins and paper towels too.

Yeah. Now Bud,

as near as I can figure
this, adding up the time

it'll take us to gather
this stuff, put it up, build it,

cook, decorate, and so forth,

we ought to be all finished
about two and a half hours

after the party starts.

But that'll be too late!

Well, of course it'll be too late!
That's what I'm trying to tell you.

It's a physical impossibility!

Well, uh, what if we
cut out the garlic bread.

You know, Claude's
dad is an electrician.

I bet Claude could get us the
wiring for the colored lights, I'll bet.

Mm, let's see how
we can simplify

this simple party.

Maybe if we get a real early
start in the morning... Morning?

Yes, you get those yard dogs of
yours over here by 7:00 a.m... Dad...

And we can start... Dad, we
can't get here in the morning.

We got to play a baseball game.

What? Now, wait a minute!

Oh, now, Bud, you boys can
give up that baseball game, surely.

No, we can't. It's a
regular scheduled game.

Is the game more
important than the party?

Well, no. But we got to play it.

Oh, I give up.
Wait a minute, Dad.

Now, look, Bud. I'm not
gonna knock myself out

stringing lights and building
booths all day with no help.

But, Dad... I'll admit
it's par for the course,

but I'm getting
a little tired of it.

Which reminds me, I was
supposed to play golf tomorrow.

And didn't you tell me you were
planning to go shopping tomorrow?

Well, yes but... But, Dad,
the guys have voted on this.

Then why didn't you vote us a
little help? Like, say, a few dads?

Hey, why don't we try that?
Ask the dads to pitch in?

You could use a few mothers too.
How does that sound to you, Bud?

Well, it's kind of late to call them
up and ask them to help, isn't it?

Oh, it's too late for them
but it's not too late for us?

All right, then, let's just
forget about the whole thing.

Now, wait a minute, Dad.
What is it you want me to do?

Call up the guys'
folks and what?

Tell them the situation... An
emergency. We need their help.

Make out a list.
Call them all. Okay?

Yeah, well, okay.

We should've thought
of this years ago.

I see.

Thanks anyway, Mrs. Phillips.

Tomorrow? Well,
Mr. Watkins and I

would love to come over
and help, but unfortunately...

Oh, I see.

Well, doggone it, Bud,
you hit me on a bad day.

That's the one day I
just couldn't make it.

Well now, if you could only
postpone until next Saturday.

But tomorrow...
Ah, dear, dear, dear!

Well, the score is in.
Bud made nine calls,

and here are the
electrifying results.

Nine? Well, we don't
need that many helpers.

Well, it's a shade under that.

It's, uh, zero, to
be exact. Zero?

Margaret, I want you to
hear these wonderful excuses.

You wrote them down? Well, I
thought we might use them sometime.

Now, listen. Saturday
is the only day that

Mr. Wardlow has to clean
the spark plugs in his car.

Mrs. Wardlow has to
go to the beauty parlor.

But she'll be gone all day
because she has to take the bus

because Mr. Wardlow has
the spark plugs out of the car.

Did they actually say
that? Well, ask Bud.

Mrs. Phillips' aunt is arriving
from Twin Falls, Idaho,

so she had the
den carpet cleaned.

Now Mr. Phillips
has to nail it down.

Evidently, they're afraid the
old girl would try to steal it.

Look, Dad... Wait.
I'm not through.

And listen to this
fine list of disorders:

lumbago, sprained
vertebrae, guitar,

neck out of joint,
hyper-acidity, bunions.

Oh, I love this one:

Mrs. Norton has tennis elbow.

Now, that one sounds phony. She
doesn't even have a tennis racket.

What do you mean, “that
one”? Oh, here's another one.

Mr. Donner can't help us build the
booth because he's allergic to nails.

Well, that settles
it. That settles it!

Why, you'd think the least
they could do is... Oh, well.

What do they think we
are? Permanent baby-sitters?

No matter what kind of a thing
comes up, it takes place at our house.

What do these other
kids live in? Caves?

Why are we always the hosts,

the chauffeurs, the chaperones,

the den mothers, the
doughnut chairmen?

Sometimes I feel as though we're
raising half the kids in this town.

When I think of all
the hours and the time

and the energy that
we've spent, and for what?

Will someone please
answer that? For what?

How many booths do you
think we ought to have?

Son, don't you understand?

We have no help. We
can't work miracles.

The one chance left was those
people you called, and what happened?

Nothing. If just three of
them had volunteered.

Or even two. Or if you boys
would've given up the baseball game.

You know, it's gonna
be very interesting to

see the reaction when
for once, this one time,

the Andersons refuse
to be the eternal patsies.

Dad, are you trying to
tell me the party's off?

Bud, do you have to have
a ton of bricks fall on you?

I'm sorry, but honestly,
what else can we do?

Dad, the guys.

It's off. Definitely,
irrevocably off.

What am I gonna tell the guys?

Tell them...

Well, tell them that your father and
mother have finally gotten some sense.

Have a good game, dear.

And be glad you're
swinging a golf club this

morning instead of a
hammer for a lawn party.

Yeah. Are you sure
if I have the car back

by 2:00, that'll give
you time for shopping?

Oh, yes, plenty.

[Jim] Wait a minute, Bud. I'll give
you a ride over to the baseball field.

No, thanks. I'd rather walk.

I guess you know
you've ruined me socially.

I'm a society outcast.

I've been “ostriched”
out. That's “ostracized.”

That's what I said.

No guy will ever believe me again,
and no girl will ever date me again.

Oh, Bud, stop exaggerating.

I'm not. And this hasn't
helped you two either.

Guys always used to figure that

you were the one parents
that they could depend on.

And what did you do?

You pulled the rug right
out from under them.

You shattered
their disillusions.

You lured them out on a limb
and then left them high and dry,

sunk in a swamp of despair.

Can't you hear your
consciences whispering to you?

You let 'em down. Those fine
boys, and you let 'em down.

Now, how about it, Dad? Can
we have the party now? No!

Okay!

Quite a performance.
[chuckles] Yeah.

You know, not that his
dramatics had any effect on me,

but I do feel a little
guilty about this thing,

as though I really
did let them down.

Well, I must admit I felt
sort of lost this morning,

as though I'm shirking my duty.

But we ought to stick
to this, don't you think?

Oh, yes, definitely. We
can't back down now.

Absolutely not. Anything else
would be impossible anyway.

Oh, go play golf. Don't think about it
anymore. I'll see you this afternoon.

Hello. Hmm?

Mr. Anderson? Yes,
I'm Mr. Anderson.

Well, I'm Verle
Messner, Claude's dad.

Oh, yes. Claude, sure.

We've never met, but
I've heard so much about

you from Claude that
I feel like I know you.

Oh, Claude's quite a favorite around here.
We've had some wonderful times together.

He tell me the lawn party was
called off on account of no help.

And I got thinking about it this morning
and decided to come over and lend a hand.

Oh, well, that's very
nice of you, Mr. Messner.

I don't know if this'll
be enough cord.

A couple of hundred feet,

but I got more out in the truck.

What was the plan? Light
up the whole backyard?

Yes, that was the plan,
but... Well, that'll look real nice.

Where's your nearest
electrical outlet? In the garage?

Oh, you've been out
golfing already this morning?

Say, you must be an early bird.

I was planning on
doing a little cat-fishing

this morning too,
but I couldn't...

Yeah, yeah. There an outlet!

Oh, sure. That'll work fine.

Mr. Messner, I don't think you
understand. The party's been called off.

Yeah, that's what Claude
said. You needed help,

and that's why I
decided to come over.

Oh, that's fine. Say,
you got a stepladder?

Yes, but it's broken.

That's all right. I
got one in the truck.

Mr. Messner, there's no need
for you to go to all this trouble.

Oh, it's no trouble at all.
I'm glad to help the boys out.

[Margaret] Jim, you're
wanted on the phone!

Huh! Oh, okay. Oh...

Poor Father. He never
will make his golf game.

Hello? He'll be
here in just a minute.

Oh, I'm sorry, dear. I
know you're late already.

I can't leave yet anyway.
Strange problem just came up.

Did you see that man out
there? That's Claude's dad.

He came over to put up
the lights for the lawn party.

Really? Well, this call...

I tried explaining to him
that the party was off,

and he just says he knows that.

But evidently he thinks
it's back on again just

because he's over
here to put up the lights.

That's just what I've been going
through with Mr. Gresham. With whom?

Gary's father. He's
the one on the phone.

He insists on talking to you to
find out what tools to bring over.

Tools? To build the
booths for the party.

To build... What's
going on here, anyway?

Hello, Mr. Gresham. I'm
sorry to keep you waiting.

Well, the party's off.

Well, that's very nice
of you, but even so,

I'm afraid there just
isn't time to do it now.

[knocking] Oh, now what?

I'll tell you, Mr. Gresham, the
next time the boys plan something,

I'll call you, and you
can come over and help.

We'd be glad to have you.

Fine. Goodbye.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Anderson. I'm Mrs.
Watkins, Skippy's mother. We met at PTA.

[doorbell rings] Oh yes,
of course, Mrs. Watkins.

Betty, would you get the
front door, please. Come in.

I didn't know whether you
had an ice cream freezer or not,

so I took a chance
and brought mine along.

Ice cream... Here, let
me take that for you.

Thank you. Oh, say, will
you excuse me just a minute?

I want to run out and catch
Mr. Watkins before he drives away.

He's gonna go and get some crushed
ice before he comes back to help,

and I want to remind him
to get some rock salt too.

I'll be right back. That was
another one at the front door.

She's waiting in the
living room. What?

It's Mrs. Norton,
Freddie's mother.

She said she wants to help cook
or whatever you want her to do.

For the party? I tried
to explain it was off,

but she just said yes and
she know the reason why,

and she was ashamed she
hadn't volunteered to help sooner.

Honey, we're being surrounded.

And she said her tennis
elbow was much better.

Well, glad to hear that.

Jim, what are we gonna
tell all these people?

I don't know. I'd just like to
know where they get the idea

that because they're showing up now, the
party is suddenly and magically back on?

But it's not. [vehicle
approaching]

What's that?

Oh, my gosh!

I'll bet that's lumber
for the booths!

Where did it come from?
“Wardlow Lumber Company”"

Oh. “Wardlow.” Eddie's
father must've sent it over.

Well, how do you like that?

Jim, this is
getting out of hand.

Yeah, I never figured
anything like this.

Makes me feel a little
ashamed for all the

thoughts I had about
these people last night.

Me too. Oh, say, Mrs. Norton.

She's still waiting. What
am I supposed to tell her?

I don't know, Betty.

What does one do
in a case like this?

Well, I'd say that since we're
outmaneuvered, outflanked, and outnumbered,

there's only one thing to do.

Betty, you'd better tell Mrs. Norton
to get her tennis elbow out here

and knock out a few
pots of baked beans.

Margaret, call Mr. Gresham
back and tell him

to bring all the saws
and hammers he can find.

And as for me, I'm
gonna get rid of this thing

and buy a carload of
spare ribs and charcoal.

What about your golf game?

Well, I have golf elbow, anyway.

Well, okay then. I'm
ready for action, Captain!

I'm ready too, Captain. Good!

That looks fun up there. I wish
I could be up there with you.

Well, I don't think it's safe
enough for both of us here, Kathy.

Okay, let's have it now.

Wait a minute. What's
the matter down there?

Oh, I see.

Here, take it and loop it

back around the ladder, Kathy.

That better?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's fine.

That's fine.

I believe we'll try it
another way, though.

Hey, what's going on there?

Oh, hi, Daddy.
Look it! I'm helping!

I'll bet. You'd better get down from
there and stop bothering Mr. Messner.

Aw, she's all right. How
are things looking to you?

Oh, it looks wonderful! I'm
amazed so much is done already!

It shouldn't look too bad
when we get it all done.

Hey, I'm supposed
to hand that up to you!

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Old Claude's gonna be
surprised when he sees all this.

He left for the baseball game before I
had decided to come over here and help.

[laughs] His eyes are
gonna pop out like a toad.

Yeah, Bud's gonna
be surprised too.

When he left this morning,
he'd planned never

to speak to me again
as long as he lived.

I'll take this stuff in the house,
and then I'll be out and help.

You know, when I was a
girl, we moved an awful lot.

But it seemed like no
matter where we moved,

there was always one house,
one home in the neighborhood

where we kids always gathered.

We were sort of drawn
there. I don't know exactly why.

[Mrs. Norton] I don't
know either, but it's true.

Always one house.

I don't know if... Oh, say, do
you have any green onions?

I think so. Look
in the refrigerator.

I don't know if it's the house
itself or the family or the...

Ah, yes... this refrigerator.

It's just as my
son described it.

He probably thinks these
sodas are part of the attraction.

But it's a good
deal more than that.

It's the spirit of the people
that put the sodas in there.

It's the warmth
they give a house,

the friendliness.

The.. Well, what shall I say?
The invitation is always out.

An invitation that doesn't
need to be expressed

because everyone
that walks in this house

just feels it,

knows it's there.

I never could put
things into words, but,

well, your house, Mrs. Anderson,

is that kind of a house.

Meat man!

Oh, did you get
the ribs all right?

Yes, some good ones
too. Nice and lean.

Well, looks like everything's
under control here.

Oh, we have a wonderful crew.
That's quite a crew outside, too.

In fact, I'd better hurry and
get in some work clothes

or there won't be
anything left for me to do.

He's nice.

You know, it's kind of odd,

but sometimes when I hear
Kippy talking about Mr. Anderson,

I have a feeling he's
talking about a friend of his

instead of Bud's father.

Nobody ever did anything
like this for any party of mine.

Well, all you have to
do is call it off. Bang!

I tried that. I called
off my slumber party,

and all that happened was the girls
decided to postpone it till next Saturday.

Oh, well... Oh, would
you do me a favor?

Would you run to the baseball field
and ask the boys to high-tail it over

just as soon as their game
is over? They'll be back.

I know, but I want them
here as soon as possible.

They have to work too. This isn't gonna
be handed to them on a silver platter.

So hurry, will you,
honey? Thanks. All right.

It would've been so
much, much easier

just to have had a
simple little slumber party.

I wonder what the first thing
old Bud'll say when he sees this.

Boy, will he be
surprised. Uh-huh.

Oh, I'll hammer
it for you, Daddy.

Oh, no, no, no. You wait... Ow!

Kathy!

Oh, I'm sorry, Daddy!

I just tried to help!

Well, why don't you go back
and help Mr. Messner some more?

He's the one who sent
me over here to help you.

They're gone!

Who's gone? The boys!

The game was over,
and they vanished.

A little kid around there
said they'd left some time ago.

Oh, well, maybe
they're over at the...

I looked there. I
looked everywhere.

The soda fountain?

The soda fountain,
the bowling alley,

Kippy's house, Freddy's house.

I even went over on 19th Street

where they're laying
the new sewer pipes.

They're nowhere!
They've vanished!

Well, don't let anyone know.

We've got to find them!
We just have to do it!

We can't let these
people be disappointed.

Not there, huh? Well,
have you seen Eddie

or any of the boys since they
finished playing their baseball game?

Hmm. Well, if he should come
home, or if you hear from him,

will you have him call me
right away about the party?

Thank you. Goodbye.

Who's next?

There are no more parents to call.
The rest of them are all here working.

Oh, excuse me, Mrs. Anderson.
I wonder if you could tell me...

Is anything wrong? Oh,
no, no. No, everything's fine.

Oh, well, I was just
looking for an egg beater.

One in the big drawer
on the left of the stove.

Oh. Thank you.

Oh, where in the world
could those boys have gone?

Hey, wait. I bet I know.

It's Saturday afternoon.

Where else but the movies?

Sure! That's it!

Oh, by the time we get through
groping around in the dark

in all the theaters, the
party will be long gone.

[door opens]

Bud, where have you been?

Don't jump on me. I
got something to say.

We've been
calling all over town!

Wait a minute, will ya?

Come on in, fellas.

What's all this?

Well, the guys have
got something to say.

Go ahead, Fred.

Well, after the
game, which we lost...

We couldn't keep
our minds on it.

We had a meeting,
and we all voted.

Oh, no. Not that again.

Tell 'em first we apologize

for expecting you to put on a
party for us at the last minute.

Yeah, we apologize.

We realized that that was
pretty unthoughtless of us,

and we won't do
that again because...

well, we want you to like us
so we can keep coming here.

We like it here.

It's kind of part of
our lives, I guess,

this house and all.

Anyway, we voted for who
our favorite parents was,

outside of our own, and we
voted for you, eight to one.

And we took up a collection
and got you a present.

Merv?

This is... This is very nice.

It certainly is.

And, uh, we have a
surprise for you boys too.

Betty, why don't you take
them out and show them?

Sure. Come along, boys,

but you'd better get a
good grip on yourselves.

I guess you know who that

one vote against you was.

But I had to do it.

Well, you know, it's... it's
kind of like voting for yourself.

You know. Sure.

'Cause actually
I think you guys,

you're the greatest.

And to think last night I
asked why we did these things.

Man, what a silly question.

I'm sure this is the
worst-looking vase I've ever seen.

But it's the most beautiful thing
we'll ever have in this house.