Father Knows Best (1954–1960): Season 3, Episode 18 - Swiss Family Anderson - full transcript
The Anderson family becomes stranded on a desolate island.
♪♪ [theme]
[man] Robert Young
and Jane Wyatt,
[chuckling]
with Elinor Donahue, Billy
Gray, and Lauren Chapin,
in...
Here's a picture
of the island, Jim.
Of course, you can't see much of it as
far as detail goes, but it's a pretty spot.
Hermit's Island, huh?
Yeah, up in Long Lake.
About 40 miles north of here.
You must've been
up to Long Lake.
Oh, years ago, Margaret and
I spent a couple days there.
Nice lake, as I remember.
What's the deal...
Not that I'm interested
in buying an island.
Well, my family's owned it for years
and paying taxes on it, you know.
And Louise and I are
not outdoor people,
so a few nights ago we
decided to sell the fool thing.
We never go up there anyway.
Might be fun to own an island.
Well, you have children.
They'd enjoy a spot like this.
Oh, I'm not trying to sell it
to you, Jim. You know that.
It's just that I was in your building
and had the picture with me
and thought I'd drop in
and show it to you, that's all.
I know, I know. What
are you asking for it?
It's a pretty good-sized island.
Half a mile across, I'd say.
Nothing but woods on it, though.
There's no house
or anything like that.
Oh, there's a little old shack on it
and a pier that goes out into the water.
An old uncle of mine
used to live there.
He was a bachelor,
sort of a balmy old gent.
That's how it got the
name Hermit's Island.
You still haven't
answered my question.
Hmm? What's the price?
Oh, well, we
thought about $1,500.
Well, that's not an awful
lot for a whole island.
[chuckles] Any fishing up there?
Well, I guess there is. Louise's
sister's husband caught a fish there
last year, I believe it was.
Why don't you go up
and take a look at it, Jim?
Oh, no. I was just kidding.
I couldn't lay out
$1,500 for an island.
Well, go up and look at it
anyway. What have you got to lose?
It's a nice drive up there. I'll tell
you, here's the key to our boathouse.
Now, it's on the lakeshore,
right at there end of the road.
You'll see our name,
Griffin, on the door.
There's a boat there
with a motor on it.
Go take your family over to
the island. Let 'em look at it.
Well, Jack, I'm telling
you, I'm not a prospect.
Well, all right.
Go see it anyway.
Maybe you know somebody
else who'll be interested.
It's a bargain. A real bargain.
I'll see you next week. Okay.
[chuckles]
Eh, just what we
need... An island.
Oh!
[Bud] Dad! Yes?
Dad! Yes?
Dad? What do you want, Bud?
Come here a minute.
Bud...
Oh, are you in there?
Dad, I want to
ask you something.
What's your problem?
Well, I'm building this
workbench, and, boy,
what a job sawing
with this thing.
Saw, saw, saw!
Dad, this is primitive.
Cave-dwellers used these things.
So? Can't we get a power saw?
What about the one
in the basement?
Well, that's a band saw. I
mean the kind with a handle.
Oh, Bud, I can't lay out $25
or $30 for another electric saw.
You could get one at Hogan's Hardware
for a buck down and a buck a month.
Mm-hmm. Dear, will you come
in and help me with the stove?
What's it doing? I'm trying to get
dinner on, and the oven's acting up.
Dad, it's no fun building anything
when you have to work so hard...
I've had the ham in over an hour
just trying to get it warm.
Do you know how many times a guy
bends his arm just sawing through a 2x4?
Turn the oven off, honey.
200 or 300 times, probably.
Can you imagine what it does to
a guy's arm, bending it like that?
First thing you
know... It's off.
Well, almost.
It sure gets sore,
I can tell you that.
Oh, there it is.
Something sticks
in there a little.
Just turn it on and off a
few times. It'll work all right.
I don't know what's
gotten into that stove lately.
It's probably out of
date, like this saw.
Everything you
cook on it tastes fine.
Oh, well, the broiler tray sticks,
the oven timer doesn't work.
Have you seen the new ones, where
the burners pull right down from the wall?
You know, they don't put the
oven in the stove anymore, Dad.
In all the new houses, they're
building them right into the wall.
You know, we could put one in
ourselves if we had an electric saw.
Well, if the stove is
really giving you trouble...
Oh, no. It's just a
nuisance. It's not serious.
[phone rings] I'll get it.
It's for me.
Hello?
Yeah, she's here.
Hello? Yes.
For me?
Glen!
I recognized your voice.
Tomorrow night?
Of course I remembered our date.
Well, we'll pick up Dotty
and Walter, and then we'll...
Glen, there are
people on the line.
I'll, uh, have to call you back.
Bye.
I'm sorry, Betty.
Well, gosh, I didn't
know which way to go!
Father, when am I
gonna get my own phone?
I said I was sorry,
Betty. It was my fault.
It's not your fault. It
happens all the time.
It's archaic, Father, this
dashing out of my room
to answer the phone.
Well, I must be old-fashioned,
but it still seems we're pretty lucky
we don't have to run
down to the drug store.
But, Father, all the new houses have
phone outlets in practically every room.
When can we have a
phone put in my room?
I don't know. I'll, uh, see.
Dinner's ready.
How about the saw?
Oh, you just want one power saw?
Why don't we get lots of them...
One for every room in the house?
Dinner's on!
We're having leftovers.
Hope you're not
getting tired of ham.
No, it looks fine.
Ham again?
Ham again. Ew!
Jack Griffin stopped by
my office this afternoon.
Offered me a
wonderful proposition.
Who's Jack Griffin?
Louise Griffin's husband.
Wanted to sell me
an island. An island?
Where? Long Lake.
Well, let's buy it. Of
all the crazy things!
Was he serious? Sure.
Left me a picture of it,
and a key to the boathouse.
Wants us to go up and look
at it sometime. Well, let's go!
Now, just what would
we do with an island?
We'd live on it.
What do you think?
Well, how would
we get to school?
In a boat. I'd have a sailboat,
and we'd sail to school.
I can just see the
excuses I'll be writing out:
“Please excuse Bud's absence
yesterday. There was no wind.”
This is the silliest family. Normal
people wouldn't even discuss such an idea.
What's wrong with talking about
it? I think it's very interesting.
We might even go up and
look at it. Oh, you're kidding!
How much does he want for it?
Fifteen hundred dollars.
Is that all? For a whole island?
“Is that all”? Do
you realize, child,
just how much $1,500 is?
Yeah, I know how
much it is. Hold it, hold it.
I just brought up the island
to change the conversation.
Let's, uh, go back to ham.
Hey. [whistles]
You know, if we're
going to spend $1,500,
we ought to spend it fixing
up this broken-down house.
Why fix it up when
we're just gonna sell it?
Hmm?
To get money to buy the island.
Hurry up. Everybody eat.
Have to get out of here fast before the
roof caves in and the new owner shows up.
You know, this house is a wreck.
No power saw, old-fashioned
oven, old-fashioned refrigerator.
Old-fashioned plumbing. Father,
have you seen the shower upstairs?
I get in there occasionally.
One shower head. One
measly little shower head.
Nowadays everyone has two
heads. Lots of people have three!
In the shower.
I know how Betty feels.
This house is beginning
to feel a little dated.
After as many years
as we've lived here,
you get tired of the
little inconveniences...
The stove that
doesn't work right,
the refrigerator that drips water
on the food when it defrosts...
Running downstairs
to answer the phone.
No automatic furnace.
We have to turn the heat on in the
morning and turn it off again at night.
There's the worn spot
in the hallway carpet
and the electric switch in
the closet that doesn't work.
And no power saw.
The lumpy cushions on
the couch in the living room,
that hideous wallpaper in
my bedroom, and... and...
The shower with one head.
Kitten, I notice you
haven't said anything.
What do you find
wrong with this house?
Why do we always have ham?
Move, brother, dear.
Oh, Bud, stop reading and help.
Okay. Honey, you
know what I think?
No, what do you think?
I think we need to get
away from the house.
You bet! Let's go up
and see the island.
Let's drive up there tomorrow.
It's Saturday. Why, Father?
Well, it's pretty country
up around Long Lake.
It'll make a nice outing.
Be good for all of us.
It might be a relief
to get away for a day.
As long as Jack understands
we're not gonna buy the island.
I told him. Well,
let's wait till we see it.
I can't go, Father. I have
a date tomorrow night.
Well, it's only 40 miles
up there. We'll leave early.
Man, can't you
see us in the boat?
Coming across the lake?
Heading for the island?
[imitates boat motor]
[shouts, chuckles]
How's that, Dad?
Nice work, Skipper.
That's it.
There you go. Come on, Kitten.
What a forsaken place.
Looks like the wilds of Africa.
Well, come on.
Did you say that
Jack's uncle lived here?
In this cabin, for
over 30 years.
Alone? Mm-hmm.
What a horrible thought.
[low voice] Great place,
huh, Dad? Isn't it great?
What is everybody
whispering for?
I don't know. Why are we?
It's so lonely it's frightening.
Well, it's not exactly Times
Square on New Year's Eve.
You mean he's
asking $1,500 for this?
I wouldn't stay out here
if he paid me $1,500.
How could anyone live here
30 years with... with nothing?
Let's go. It's giving
me the creeps.
We just got here. We
haven't seen the inside yet.
I've seen enough. I think
I'll wait for you in the boat.
She's in pretty good shape, Dad.
A little run down,
but she's solid.
Who built it, Daddy?
Well, from its appearance, I'd
say Abe Lincoln's grandfather.
Don't you like it, Dad?
This is a real swell cabin.
It's not all fancy and flossied
up, but it's got character.
They're not building
'em like this anymore.
Look out!
Opens pretty easy, huh, Dad?
Well, that's one way to mount a door. They
just leaned it up against the doorjamb.
Help, Father! Help!
Help, somebody!
Father!
[shouts]
Help!
Help, Father!
Well, don't just stand
there, dummy! Do something!
[screams] Not that way!
Oh, look out!
Jim, get her! Betty!
Out of the way, Bud!
Where do I go? Move, move!
Do something! Please help me!
[screams]
I'm sorry, Betty. That
was a spectacular rescue.
Oh, honey, give
me your hand here.
Oh, what about my blouse?
Never mind your blouse
And my hair!
What bean-brain
left the boat untied?
The boat?
Dad, we gotta get it, we
gotta get it! Here, I'll swim.
No, no, you'll never make
it. It's drifting out too fast.
You might get
caught in the weeds.
We'd better let it go. How
are we gonna get home?
That's a good question.
Now, there's no point in arguing
about who forgot to tie the boat.
I thought Bud was tying it
and he thought I was tying it.
Probably my fault. I should've
checked it before we left.
Father, how are we gonna
get home? I have a date tonight.
Well, even if I didn't,
we've still got to get home.
We're going to get home.
There's nothing to worry about.
I hope we don't. I hope
we have to stay here.
Yeah, stranded on an
island... What could be greater?
If you're cold, why
don't you go in the cabin?
I'm not going in that
moldy, old spider trap.
Besides, I'm not cold.
Well, there are
cabins around the lake.
Surely someone will
be going by on a boat.
Everything's closed, Mom.
Nobody's up here this time of year.
Remember coming across the
lake we didn't see one other boat?
All right. You can stay
here if it'll make you happy.
The rest of us are
going home. How?
Now, take it easy. Bud's right.
Most of the cabins are closed.
There are not many people on the lake.
It'll be a little while
before a boat comes by,
so we might as well
make the best of it.
You see? We're stuck.
Shipwrecked on an island,
just like Swiss Family Robinson.
Dad, you can grow a beard, and
we can hunt animals for our food.
And we can make
clothes out of their skins.
And we'll store up
the meat for winter.
And when spring comes,
we'll plant some crops.
[snaps fingers] Should've
brought some seeds.
Isn't there a telephone?
Can't we call somebody?
I'm afraid there's no telephone.
Well, what are we gonna
do? It's after 4:00 now.
I have to be home by
5:30 at the very latest.
I have to put up my hair and
press a slip and do my nails.
Princess, you might
as well face the facts.
We're not gonna be home by 5:30.
Hooray! Yeah, man!
Why don't you two gather up
some more wood for the fire?
Wood-gathering party, forward.
Well, let's face it:
We're in a slight pickle.
And huffing and puffing
won't help one bit.
Now, there's nothing
to worry about.
But until someone
comes by and finds us,
we're stuck.
You mean we might have
to spend the night here?
Unless you can figure out some
way to fly across that mile of water
or call the Coast Guard
by mental telepathy.
But we didn't bring
anything with us.
No food, nothing.
What are we gonna eat?
Well, there are no palm trees,
so that eliminates coconuts.
Well, I'll say this
for you, Father:
You have an indestructible
sense of humor.
Well, it's no time for weeping.
We'll just have to
do the best we can.
Why don't you two explore the
cabin and see what you can find?
I'll circle the island and see
if there's an old
boat on the beach,
or maybe I can spot a
fisherman or something.
Well, don't be gone long.
How far can I go?
Why'd we have to come
out here in the first place?
If we stayed at home like
normal, sensible people... Ow!
Oh, oh, Betty! I'm so sorry!
It just doesn't
seem to be your day.
No. Here.
There. Oh, okay.
What if there's an
animal in there?
What kind of an animal
did you have in mind?
Shoo! Shoo!
Just in case.
Oh!
It's not exactly
a dream cottage.
No, but it's better
than nothing.
You go watch for Bud and Kathy,
and I'll see what
I can do with this.
You know, if we could get this back to
camp, we'd really have some firewood.
Oh, let's go back.
Well, grab it up there,
and we'll try and drag it.
Oh, leave it! Let's go back!
What's the matter? You scared?
No, but... [bird squawking]
What was that?
It was... It was just a bird.
[rustling]
That's a bird?
Well, uh, maybe we
ought to start heading back.
[cries out]
[Kathy screams]
Hold it! What goes on here?
Oh, Daddy!
We heard you coming, and
we thought you were an animal.
Oh, don't ever do that again!
I'm sorry, Kitten. I didn't
mean to frighten you.
I didn't know you were here.
What you got there?
Oh, just a few things I picked
up around the island. [chuckles]
Firewood. Grab a hold.
Okay, let's go.
Hey, this is beautiful!
You have a warped
sense of beauty.
Say, this is great. Look
at this, Dad. We're all set.
You know, we could live here.
1919. That figures.
What did you find? Did
you see anyone or anything?
Not a soul on the lake.
The wind's coming up.
If there were any boats
out, they've all gone in.
You mean we have to
spend the night here?
It looks that way.
Oh, boy! We're gonna
stay here tonight!
Isn't that neat, Bud?
Where are we gonna sleep?
Well, I found some
blankets in the old chest.
We're starting life on Hermit's
Island on a very modest scale.
Our entire possessions
consist of four blankets...
Three with moth holes,
one slightly ripped;
seven tin plates, rusty;
one fork, uh, bent;
and a broken ukulele.
Well, I found where
someone had a garden.
We're gonna dine in luxury
and splendor... with music, yet.
What you got, Dad?
I'm starved. Me too.
Potatoes and onions?
This is dinner?
This is gonna be a
very interesting dinner...
Eight potatoes, 12 onions,
and a chorus of “Swannee River”
Oh! [chuckles]
Cooking in a fireplace
is quite a trick.
You don't have
to be a good cook.
You just have to be a good
stoker with a fireproof face.
[chuckles]
There goes one.
Ooh, the potatoes
are all burned!
Oh, that's just on
the outside, Kitten.
You cut through the charcoal, and
there's a nice potato on the inside.
Are you sure?
What's that? Oh,
new invention...
Combination knife,
fork and spoon.
Solid mahogany.
What'd you make it out
of? Finished off the ukulele.
Anything wrong?
Oh, no. No, everything's okay.
I guess. What was that?
[wind whistling] Just
the wind, I guess. Why?
Are you sure there's no
one else on the island?
Well, I didn't look
behind every bush,
but I assume we're
the only ones here.
At least I didn't see any
savage's footprints on the beach.
How are we gonna sleep tonight?
Oh, I guess we're gonna
have to sleep on the floor.
There are four blankets.
We'll put two under us,
two over us, and we'll
keep the fire going.
I don't care where we sleep,
but let's just stay
close together.
This floor is hard!
What'd you expect...
Goose feathers?
Daddy? Hmm?
Just wanted to make
sure you were still here.
[chuckles] I'm still here.
[twig snaps] Father?
Hmm? Did you hear something?
Cover up your ears
and go to sleep.
There's nothing
outside but a little breeze
and a few branches moving.
I'm sure I heard
someone walking.
You heard what your father
said. There's nothing out there.
Settle down, everyone,
and go to sleep.
[bird squawking]
[rustling]
[knocking]
Who is it? [man] I'm the ranger.
[happy chattering]
Open up, friend. It's all right.
A ranger? Oh, no! Come on in!
No, wait a minute. Stand
aside. Look out for the door.
Come in, and welcome!
I'm Joe Malone of
the Forestry Service.
I saw you at the window. I didn't know
whether we were being rescued or invaded.
I wasn't sure whether there
was anyone in here or not.
An empty boat was picked
up over on the lakeshore.
Folks sent for me, and, well,
I found this map on the seat.
Someone had marked a
circle around Hermit's Island,
so I thought I'd
better check up.
Did you know your boat was gone?
Uh, yes, we knew it. It drifted away
this afternoon. We've been marooned.
You've no idea how
glad we are to see you!
“Glad”? That's the understatement
of all time. Can't we leave now?
Anytime you folks
are ready, I am. Yahoo!
Oh, you dear,
beautiful, wonderful man!
Oh, never, never has
home looked so good!
It's beautiful. It's a
mansion. It's a palace.
O house, we forgive
you for all your sins!
Take us back, O house.
Oh, telephone,
electric lights, carpets,
beds, mattresses.
Food! Oh, let's eat, let's eat!
Oh, a real kitchen! Water
faucets! Refrigerator!
The stove looks pretty nice.
Oh, boy! Ham!
I'll get some pans out of the
cupboard. Bud, you turn on the oven.
What are you looking
so smug about?
A little “roughing it” seems to have
made quite an improvement in this family.
Did you by any
chance leave that boat
untied on purpose?
No! [chuckles]
Now that you mention it, it
might've been a good idea.
I just didn't think of it.
Ow!
- Oh.
- Oh.
[man] Robert Young
and Jane Wyatt,
[chuckling]
with Elinor Donahue, Billy
Gray, and Lauren Chapin,
in...
Here's a picture
of the island, Jim.
Of course, you can't see much of it as
far as detail goes, but it's a pretty spot.
Hermit's Island, huh?
Yeah, up in Long Lake.
About 40 miles north of here.
You must've been
up to Long Lake.
Oh, years ago, Margaret and
I spent a couple days there.
Nice lake, as I remember.
What's the deal...
Not that I'm interested
in buying an island.
Well, my family's owned it for years
and paying taxes on it, you know.
And Louise and I are
not outdoor people,
so a few nights ago we
decided to sell the fool thing.
We never go up there anyway.
Might be fun to own an island.
Well, you have children.
They'd enjoy a spot like this.
Oh, I'm not trying to sell it
to you, Jim. You know that.
It's just that I was in your building
and had the picture with me
and thought I'd drop in
and show it to you, that's all.
I know, I know. What
are you asking for it?
It's a pretty good-sized island.
Half a mile across, I'd say.
Nothing but woods on it, though.
There's no house
or anything like that.
Oh, there's a little old shack on it
and a pier that goes out into the water.
An old uncle of mine
used to live there.
He was a bachelor,
sort of a balmy old gent.
That's how it got the
name Hermit's Island.
You still haven't
answered my question.
Hmm? What's the price?
Oh, well, we
thought about $1,500.
Well, that's not an awful
lot for a whole island.
[chuckles] Any fishing up there?
Well, I guess there is. Louise's
sister's husband caught a fish there
last year, I believe it was.
Why don't you go up
and take a look at it, Jim?
Oh, no. I was just kidding.
I couldn't lay out
$1,500 for an island.
Well, go up and look at it
anyway. What have you got to lose?
It's a nice drive up there. I'll tell
you, here's the key to our boathouse.
Now, it's on the lakeshore,
right at there end of the road.
You'll see our name,
Griffin, on the door.
There's a boat there
with a motor on it.
Go take your family over to
the island. Let 'em look at it.
Well, Jack, I'm telling
you, I'm not a prospect.
Well, all right.
Go see it anyway.
Maybe you know somebody
else who'll be interested.
It's a bargain. A real bargain.
I'll see you next week. Okay.
[chuckles]
Eh, just what we
need... An island.
Oh!
[Bud] Dad! Yes?
Dad! Yes?
Dad? What do you want, Bud?
Come here a minute.
Bud...
Oh, are you in there?
Dad, I want to
ask you something.
What's your problem?
Well, I'm building this
workbench, and, boy,
what a job sawing
with this thing.
Saw, saw, saw!
Dad, this is primitive.
Cave-dwellers used these things.
So? Can't we get a power saw?
What about the one
in the basement?
Well, that's a band saw. I
mean the kind with a handle.
Oh, Bud, I can't lay out $25
or $30 for another electric saw.
You could get one at Hogan's Hardware
for a buck down and a buck a month.
Mm-hmm. Dear, will you come
in and help me with the stove?
What's it doing? I'm trying to get
dinner on, and the oven's acting up.
Dad, it's no fun building anything
when you have to work so hard...
I've had the ham in over an hour
just trying to get it warm.
Do you know how many times a guy
bends his arm just sawing through a 2x4?
Turn the oven off, honey.
200 or 300 times, probably.
Can you imagine what it does to
a guy's arm, bending it like that?
First thing you
know... It's off.
Well, almost.
It sure gets sore,
I can tell you that.
Oh, there it is.
Something sticks
in there a little.
Just turn it on and off a
few times. It'll work all right.
I don't know what's
gotten into that stove lately.
It's probably out of
date, like this saw.
Everything you
cook on it tastes fine.
Oh, well, the broiler tray sticks,
the oven timer doesn't work.
Have you seen the new ones, where
the burners pull right down from the wall?
You know, they don't put the
oven in the stove anymore, Dad.
In all the new houses, they're
building them right into the wall.
You know, we could put one in
ourselves if we had an electric saw.
Well, if the stove is
really giving you trouble...
Oh, no. It's just a
nuisance. It's not serious.
[phone rings] I'll get it.
It's for me.
Hello?
Yeah, she's here.
Hello? Yes.
For me?
Glen!
I recognized your voice.
Tomorrow night?
Of course I remembered our date.
Well, we'll pick up Dotty
and Walter, and then we'll...
Glen, there are
people on the line.
I'll, uh, have to call you back.
Bye.
I'm sorry, Betty.
Well, gosh, I didn't
know which way to go!
Father, when am I
gonna get my own phone?
I said I was sorry,
Betty. It was my fault.
It's not your fault. It
happens all the time.
It's archaic, Father, this
dashing out of my room
to answer the phone.
Well, I must be old-fashioned,
but it still seems we're pretty lucky
we don't have to run
down to the drug store.
But, Father, all the new houses have
phone outlets in practically every room.
When can we have a
phone put in my room?
I don't know. I'll, uh, see.
Dinner's ready.
How about the saw?
Oh, you just want one power saw?
Why don't we get lots of them...
One for every room in the house?
Dinner's on!
We're having leftovers.
Hope you're not
getting tired of ham.
No, it looks fine.
Ham again?
Ham again. Ew!
Jack Griffin stopped by
my office this afternoon.
Offered me a
wonderful proposition.
Who's Jack Griffin?
Louise Griffin's husband.
Wanted to sell me
an island. An island?
Where? Long Lake.
Well, let's buy it. Of
all the crazy things!
Was he serious? Sure.
Left me a picture of it,
and a key to the boathouse.
Wants us to go up and look
at it sometime. Well, let's go!
Now, just what would
we do with an island?
We'd live on it.
What do you think?
Well, how would
we get to school?
In a boat. I'd have a sailboat,
and we'd sail to school.
I can just see the
excuses I'll be writing out:
“Please excuse Bud's absence
yesterday. There was no wind.”
This is the silliest family. Normal
people wouldn't even discuss such an idea.
What's wrong with talking about
it? I think it's very interesting.
We might even go up and
look at it. Oh, you're kidding!
How much does he want for it?
Fifteen hundred dollars.
Is that all? For a whole island?
“Is that all”? Do
you realize, child,
just how much $1,500 is?
Yeah, I know how
much it is. Hold it, hold it.
I just brought up the island
to change the conversation.
Let's, uh, go back to ham.
Hey. [whistles]
You know, if we're
going to spend $1,500,
we ought to spend it fixing
up this broken-down house.
Why fix it up when
we're just gonna sell it?
Hmm?
To get money to buy the island.
Hurry up. Everybody eat.
Have to get out of here fast before the
roof caves in and the new owner shows up.
You know, this house is a wreck.
No power saw, old-fashioned
oven, old-fashioned refrigerator.
Old-fashioned plumbing. Father,
have you seen the shower upstairs?
I get in there occasionally.
One shower head. One
measly little shower head.
Nowadays everyone has two
heads. Lots of people have three!
In the shower.
I know how Betty feels.
This house is beginning
to feel a little dated.
After as many years
as we've lived here,
you get tired of the
little inconveniences...
The stove that
doesn't work right,
the refrigerator that drips water
on the food when it defrosts...
Running downstairs
to answer the phone.
No automatic furnace.
We have to turn the heat on in the
morning and turn it off again at night.
There's the worn spot
in the hallway carpet
and the electric switch in
the closet that doesn't work.
And no power saw.
The lumpy cushions on
the couch in the living room,
that hideous wallpaper in
my bedroom, and... and...
The shower with one head.
Kitten, I notice you
haven't said anything.
What do you find
wrong with this house?
Why do we always have ham?
Move, brother, dear.
Oh, Bud, stop reading and help.
Okay. Honey, you
know what I think?
No, what do you think?
I think we need to get
away from the house.
You bet! Let's go up
and see the island.
Let's drive up there tomorrow.
It's Saturday. Why, Father?
Well, it's pretty country
up around Long Lake.
It'll make a nice outing.
Be good for all of us.
It might be a relief
to get away for a day.
As long as Jack understands
we're not gonna buy the island.
I told him. Well,
let's wait till we see it.
I can't go, Father. I have
a date tomorrow night.
Well, it's only 40 miles
up there. We'll leave early.
Man, can't you
see us in the boat?
Coming across the lake?
Heading for the island?
[imitates boat motor]
[shouts, chuckles]
How's that, Dad?
Nice work, Skipper.
That's it.
There you go. Come on, Kitten.
What a forsaken place.
Looks like the wilds of Africa.
Well, come on.
Did you say that
Jack's uncle lived here?
In this cabin, for
over 30 years.
Alone? Mm-hmm.
What a horrible thought.
[low voice] Great place,
huh, Dad? Isn't it great?
What is everybody
whispering for?
I don't know. Why are we?
It's so lonely it's frightening.
Well, it's not exactly Times
Square on New Year's Eve.
You mean he's
asking $1,500 for this?
I wouldn't stay out here
if he paid me $1,500.
How could anyone live here
30 years with... with nothing?
Let's go. It's giving
me the creeps.
We just got here. We
haven't seen the inside yet.
I've seen enough. I think
I'll wait for you in the boat.
She's in pretty good shape, Dad.
A little run down,
but she's solid.
Who built it, Daddy?
Well, from its appearance, I'd
say Abe Lincoln's grandfather.
Don't you like it, Dad?
This is a real swell cabin.
It's not all fancy and flossied
up, but it's got character.
They're not building
'em like this anymore.
Look out!
Opens pretty easy, huh, Dad?
Well, that's one way to mount a door. They
just leaned it up against the doorjamb.
Help, Father! Help!
Help, somebody!
Father!
[shouts]
Help!
Help, Father!
Well, don't just stand
there, dummy! Do something!
[screams] Not that way!
Oh, look out!
Jim, get her! Betty!
Out of the way, Bud!
Where do I go? Move, move!
Do something! Please help me!
[screams]
I'm sorry, Betty. That
was a spectacular rescue.
Oh, honey, give
me your hand here.
Oh, what about my blouse?
Never mind your blouse
And my hair!
What bean-brain
left the boat untied?
The boat?
Dad, we gotta get it, we
gotta get it! Here, I'll swim.
No, no, you'll never make
it. It's drifting out too fast.
You might get
caught in the weeds.
We'd better let it go. How
are we gonna get home?
That's a good question.
Now, there's no point in arguing
about who forgot to tie the boat.
I thought Bud was tying it
and he thought I was tying it.
Probably my fault. I should've
checked it before we left.
Father, how are we gonna
get home? I have a date tonight.
Well, even if I didn't,
we've still got to get home.
We're going to get home.
There's nothing to worry about.
I hope we don't. I hope
we have to stay here.
Yeah, stranded on an
island... What could be greater?
If you're cold, why
don't you go in the cabin?
I'm not going in that
moldy, old spider trap.
Besides, I'm not cold.
Well, there are
cabins around the lake.
Surely someone will
be going by on a boat.
Everything's closed, Mom.
Nobody's up here this time of year.
Remember coming across the
lake we didn't see one other boat?
All right. You can stay
here if it'll make you happy.
The rest of us are
going home. How?
Now, take it easy. Bud's right.
Most of the cabins are closed.
There are not many people on the lake.
It'll be a little while
before a boat comes by,
so we might as well
make the best of it.
You see? We're stuck.
Shipwrecked on an island,
just like Swiss Family Robinson.
Dad, you can grow a beard, and
we can hunt animals for our food.
And we can make
clothes out of their skins.
And we'll store up
the meat for winter.
And when spring comes,
we'll plant some crops.
[snaps fingers] Should've
brought some seeds.
Isn't there a telephone?
Can't we call somebody?
I'm afraid there's no telephone.
Well, what are we gonna
do? It's after 4:00 now.
I have to be home by
5:30 at the very latest.
I have to put up my hair and
press a slip and do my nails.
Princess, you might
as well face the facts.
We're not gonna be home by 5:30.
Hooray! Yeah, man!
Why don't you two gather up
some more wood for the fire?
Wood-gathering party, forward.
Well, let's face it:
We're in a slight pickle.
And huffing and puffing
won't help one bit.
Now, there's nothing
to worry about.
But until someone
comes by and finds us,
we're stuck.
You mean we might have
to spend the night here?
Unless you can figure out some
way to fly across that mile of water
or call the Coast Guard
by mental telepathy.
But we didn't bring
anything with us.
No food, nothing.
What are we gonna eat?
Well, there are no palm trees,
so that eliminates coconuts.
Well, I'll say this
for you, Father:
You have an indestructible
sense of humor.
Well, it's no time for weeping.
We'll just have to
do the best we can.
Why don't you two explore the
cabin and see what you can find?
I'll circle the island and see
if there's an old
boat on the beach,
or maybe I can spot a
fisherman or something.
Well, don't be gone long.
How far can I go?
Why'd we have to come
out here in the first place?
If we stayed at home like
normal, sensible people... Ow!
Oh, oh, Betty! I'm so sorry!
It just doesn't
seem to be your day.
No. Here.
There. Oh, okay.
What if there's an
animal in there?
What kind of an animal
did you have in mind?
Shoo! Shoo!
Just in case.
Oh!
It's not exactly
a dream cottage.
No, but it's better
than nothing.
You go watch for Bud and Kathy,
and I'll see what
I can do with this.
You know, if we could get this back to
camp, we'd really have some firewood.
Oh, let's go back.
Well, grab it up there,
and we'll try and drag it.
Oh, leave it! Let's go back!
What's the matter? You scared?
No, but... [bird squawking]
What was that?
It was... It was just a bird.
[rustling]
That's a bird?
Well, uh, maybe we
ought to start heading back.
[cries out]
[Kathy screams]
Hold it! What goes on here?
Oh, Daddy!
We heard you coming, and
we thought you were an animal.
Oh, don't ever do that again!
I'm sorry, Kitten. I didn't
mean to frighten you.
I didn't know you were here.
What you got there?
Oh, just a few things I picked
up around the island. [chuckles]
Firewood. Grab a hold.
Okay, let's go.
Hey, this is beautiful!
You have a warped
sense of beauty.
Say, this is great. Look
at this, Dad. We're all set.
You know, we could live here.
1919. That figures.
What did you find? Did
you see anyone or anything?
Not a soul on the lake.
The wind's coming up.
If there were any boats
out, they've all gone in.
You mean we have to
spend the night here?
It looks that way.
Oh, boy! We're gonna
stay here tonight!
Isn't that neat, Bud?
Where are we gonna sleep?
Well, I found some
blankets in the old chest.
We're starting life on Hermit's
Island on a very modest scale.
Our entire possessions
consist of four blankets...
Three with moth holes,
one slightly ripped;
seven tin plates, rusty;
one fork, uh, bent;
and a broken ukulele.
Well, I found where
someone had a garden.
We're gonna dine in luxury
and splendor... with music, yet.
What you got, Dad?
I'm starved. Me too.
Potatoes and onions?
This is dinner?
This is gonna be a
very interesting dinner...
Eight potatoes, 12 onions,
and a chorus of “Swannee River”
Oh! [chuckles]
Cooking in a fireplace
is quite a trick.
You don't have
to be a good cook.
You just have to be a good
stoker with a fireproof face.
[chuckles]
There goes one.
Ooh, the potatoes
are all burned!
Oh, that's just on
the outside, Kitten.
You cut through the charcoal, and
there's a nice potato on the inside.
Are you sure?
What's that? Oh,
new invention...
Combination knife,
fork and spoon.
Solid mahogany.
What'd you make it out
of? Finished off the ukulele.
Anything wrong?
Oh, no. No, everything's okay.
I guess. What was that?
[wind whistling] Just
the wind, I guess. Why?
Are you sure there's no
one else on the island?
Well, I didn't look
behind every bush,
but I assume we're
the only ones here.
At least I didn't see any
savage's footprints on the beach.
How are we gonna sleep tonight?
Oh, I guess we're gonna
have to sleep on the floor.
There are four blankets.
We'll put two under us,
two over us, and we'll
keep the fire going.
I don't care where we sleep,
but let's just stay
close together.
This floor is hard!
What'd you expect...
Goose feathers?
Daddy? Hmm?
Just wanted to make
sure you were still here.
[chuckles] I'm still here.
[twig snaps] Father?
Hmm? Did you hear something?
Cover up your ears
and go to sleep.
There's nothing
outside but a little breeze
and a few branches moving.
I'm sure I heard
someone walking.
You heard what your father
said. There's nothing out there.
Settle down, everyone,
and go to sleep.
[bird squawking]
[rustling]
[knocking]
Who is it? [man] I'm the ranger.
[happy chattering]
Open up, friend. It's all right.
A ranger? Oh, no! Come on in!
No, wait a minute. Stand
aside. Look out for the door.
Come in, and welcome!
I'm Joe Malone of
the Forestry Service.
I saw you at the window. I didn't know
whether we were being rescued or invaded.
I wasn't sure whether there
was anyone in here or not.
An empty boat was picked
up over on the lakeshore.
Folks sent for me, and, well,
I found this map on the seat.
Someone had marked a
circle around Hermit's Island,
so I thought I'd
better check up.
Did you know your boat was gone?
Uh, yes, we knew it. It drifted away
this afternoon. We've been marooned.
You've no idea how
glad we are to see you!
“Glad”? That's the understatement
of all time. Can't we leave now?
Anytime you folks
are ready, I am. Yahoo!
Oh, you dear,
beautiful, wonderful man!
Oh, never, never has
home looked so good!
It's beautiful. It's a
mansion. It's a palace.
O house, we forgive
you for all your sins!
Take us back, O house.
Oh, telephone,
electric lights, carpets,
beds, mattresses.
Food! Oh, let's eat, let's eat!
Oh, a real kitchen! Water
faucets! Refrigerator!
The stove looks pretty nice.
Oh, boy! Ham!
I'll get some pans out of the
cupboard. Bud, you turn on the oven.
What are you looking
so smug about?
A little “roughing it” seems to have
made quite an improvement in this family.
Did you by any
chance leave that boat
untied on purpose?
No! [chuckles]
Now that you mention it, it
might've been a good idea.
I just didn't think of it.
Ow!
- Oh.
- Oh.