Father Knows Best (1954–1960): Season 3, Episode 14 - The Good Prospect - full transcript

♪ ♪

Narrator: ROBERT YOUNG...

AND JANE WYATT...

[laughter]

WITH ELINOR DONAHUE, BILLY
GRAY, AND LAUREN CHAPIN...

IN FATHER KNOWS BEST.

[laughter]

SO YOU WANT US TO
SPONSORA BOWLING TEAM.

WHEN DID YOU TAKE
UP BOWLING, JIM?

OH, NOT ME, BUD AND A COUPLE
OF HIS PALS HAVE FORMED A TEAM

AND THEY CAN'T
GET INTO THE LEAGUE



UNLESS THEY HAVE A SPONSOR.

SO IN A WEAK MOMENT,

I SAID I'D TRY TO
GET ONE FOR THEM.

OH, YOU DISAPPOINT ME, JIM.

I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU'D
COME IN TO BUY A CAR FROM ME.

OH, NO, NOT ME. YOUR
CARS ARE OUT OF MY CLASS.

MINE TOO,

BUT I DRIVE ONE
ANYWAY. [clanking]

OH, EXCUSE ME A MOMENT, JIM. I
GOT A GOOD CUSTOMER OVER HERE.

OH, SURE, BERT, GO AHEAD.

CAN'T MAKE ANY MONEY OFF OF YOU.

[laughs]

WELL, WHAT DO YOU
THINK, MR. LYDUM?

YOU LIKE TO DRIVE THIS ONE HOME?



SURPRISE YOUR WIFE? [chuckles]

MIGHTY SWEET LITTLE
POWER PLANT THERE.

THE BEST. WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THE COLOR OF THIS ONE?

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

I HAVE TO CHECK
ON THAT WITH MAMA.

WITH YOUR MOTHER?

UH, NO. NO. MY WIFE. [chuckles]

MAMA MIGHT JUST AS WELL
BE MY MOTHER, THOUGH.

SHE CALLS ME HER PROBLEM CHILD.

[canned laughter]

OH, UH, MR. LYDUM,
THIS IS MR. ANDERSON.

ANDERSON, EH? WHAT
LINE ARE YOU IN, ANDERSON?

INSURANCE. INSURANCE.

SAY, YOU COULD FULLY GET
THIS CAR IN A NICE BROWN...

CHOCOLATE?

MAMA LIKES BROWN CARS.

INSURANCE, EH?

I'LL CHECK AND SEE IF THAT
COLOR CAN BE ORDERED,

AND, UH, JIM, I'LL CHECK ON
THATBOWLING THING FOR YOU, TOO.

FINE, BERT. THANK YOU.

WHAT KIND OF
INSURANCE, ANDERSON?

INCOME RETIREMENT? ANNUITIES?

YES, IT HAPPENS
TO BE MY SPECIALTY.

OH, WELL.

YOU KNOW, I'M A FIRM
BELIEVER IN INSURANCE.

AS A MATTER OF FACT,

I'VE BEEN THINKING TO CHUNK UP
SOME MONEY INTO SOME ANNUITIES.

SET THINGS UP FOR MAMA.

BUT YOU KNOW HOW A
FELLA PUTS THINGS OFF.

IT'S FUNNY YOU'RE
MENTIONING, UH, ANNUITIES.

MY COMPANY HAS JUST COME
OUT WITH AN INTERESTING NEW PLAN

AS A GOOD, UH,
TAX-SAVING FEATURE.

YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED
IN LOOKING IT OVER.

OH, SURE. SURE. I'D LIKE, TOO.

WELL, SOMETIMEWHEN YOU'RE FREE,

I'D BE GLAD TO DROP
OVER TO YOUR OFFICE,

OR PERHAPS IT WOULD
BE MORE CONVENIENT

TO DO IT AT YOUR HOME.

SAY, UH, SOME EVENING?

OH, SURE. ANY EVENING.

HOW ABOUT TONIGHT?

FINE. FINE. UH, BRING
THE MISSIS WITH YOU.

THEY'VE GOT THE BUSINESS HEADS.

LET THEM HASH IT
OUT, I ALWAYS SAY.

OH, UH, WE CAN GET THAT COLOR
FOR YOU ALL RIGHT, MR. LYDUM.

IT MIGHT TAKE A
WEEK OR TEN DAYS.

SHALL WE GO AHEAD AND WRITE
UP THE PAPERS ON THE CAR?

SURE. GO AHEAD.

UH, NO, NO. WAIT.

MAYBE I BETTER WAIT AND
CHECK ON THAT WITH MAMA.

[chuckles] BETTER
CHECK WITH THE BOSS.

[laughs]

WELL, SEE YOU LATER, ANDERSON.

OH, LOOKS LIKE YOU MADE
OUT A LOT BETTER THAN I DID.

WHO IS HE? WHAT DOES HE DO?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE DOES.

HE'S RETIRED, I THINK. OH.

ALL I KNOW IS THAT HIS
NAME IS ALDUS LYDUM,

AND, UH, HE LIKES
EXPENSIVE CARS.

OH, AND HIS WIFE'S NAME
IS MAMA, YOU KNOW THAT.

WHERE DOES HE
LIVE? I DON'T KNOW...

FAIRFIELD APARTMENTS, I THINK.

OH, JIM, ABOUT
THAT BOWLING TEAM,

WE'RE ALREADY
SPONSORING ONE, I'M SORRY.

OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT, BERT.

I HAVE A FEELING THIS TRIP
WASN'T ENTIRELY WASTED.

THANKS, ANYWAY. SEE YOU LATER.

OKAY, JIM.

AND NOW, WHAT WOULD I
DO WITH TWO DOZEN DONUTS?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY WHAT
YOU'RE GOING TO DO WITH THEM,

JUST BUY 'EM AND NO
QUESTIONS WILL BE ASKED.

YOU GIVE 50 REASONS
WHY I DON'T WANT...

I DON'T WANT REASONS.
I JUST WANT THE MONEY.

HI, KIDS. HI.

OH, HELLO, DADDY DEAR.

HOW ABOUT THREE
DOZENS DELICIOUS DONUTS?

OH, NO.

DON'T TELL ME THE LITTLE SQUALLS
ARE OUT RAISING MONEY AGAIN?

YEP. [laughs]

WELL, A DOZEN, MAYBE?

LOOK, I MUST HAVE THREE TRUNKS

FULLOF LITTLE SQUALL
DONUTS FROM LAST YEAR.

WHERE IS YOUR MOTHER?

I HEAR AN OLD FAMILIAR VOICE

FILTERING THROUGH THE OZONE.

HOW ABOUT IT, DAD?

WHO'D YOU LINE UP TO
SPONSOR THE BOWLING TEAM?

HEY, WATCH OUT.
[canned laughter]

WELL, HOW ABOUT IT?

WELL, BUD, THE ONLY
COMPANY THAT WAS INTERESTED

IS ALREADY SPONSORING A TEAM.

HAVE THEM PITCH FOR DONUTS.

[canned laughter]
THERE GOES OUR TEAM.

AH, BUD, DON'T
GIVE UP SO EASILY.

IT SEEMS TO ME YOU BOYS
CAN SHOW A LITTLE INITIATIVE

AND DIG UP A SPONSOR
FOR YOURSELVES.

HELLO, DEAR.

HI, HONEY.

OH, UH, HOW WOULD
YOU LIKE TO MAKE

A LITTLE BUSINESS-SOCIAL
CALL WITH ME TONIGHT?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WELL, YOU KNOW, ORDINARILY,

I'M AGAINST MIXING
BUSINESS AND SOCIAL AFFAIRS,

AND DRAGGING YOU INTO THINGS,

BUT, UM, I MET THIS MAN
TODAY, UH, MR. ALDUS LYDUM.

OF COURSE, IT COULD
TURN OUT TO BE NOTHING,

BUT ON THE OTHER HAND,

HE EXPRESSED AN
INTEREST IN ANNUITIES.

HOW IS HE FIXED FOR DONUTS?

LOOK, SWEETIE YOU
STAY OUT OF THIS.

I SAW HIM FIRST, SEE.

AND GET THAT GLEAM
OUT OF YOUR EYE,

HE WOULDN'T KNOW A BOWLING
BALL FROM AN EGGPLANT.

HOW DO I FIT INTO THIS, AND
HOW CAN I GET OUT OF IT?

WELL, I GATHER THAT
MR. LYDUM IS A FIRM BELIEVER

IN A SURE, STEADY,
GUIDING HAND OF A WOMAN.

NOW, JIM, I'M NOT GONNA GUIDE
YOU IN ANY BUSINESS DEALS.

NO, BUT YOU COULD KEEP
MRS. LYDUM OCCUPIED,

SO SHE WON'T EITHER.

I HAVE A FEELING SHE LIKES TO
KEEP HER SURE, STEADY HAND

ON THE PURSE STRINGS.

OH, BUD, LOOK UP THE ADDRESS OF
THE FAIRFIELD APARTMENTS FOR ME.

WILL YOU PLEASE? THANKS.

OH, JIM, I'D RATHER NOT GO.

I REMEMBER A DAY WHEN
THE MINISTER SAID TO YOU,

"DO YOU TAKE THIS MAN
FOR BETTER, FOR WORSE,

IN SICKNESS, AND
ON BUSINESS CALLS?"

[canned laughter]

BUT I WAS SO YOUNG THEN, I
DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS SAYING.

[canned laughter]

[laughter]

[doorbell buzzes]

YES?

ARE YOU MRS. LYDUM? YES.

UH, WE'RE MR. AND
MRS. JIM ANDERSON.

MR. LYDUM SUGGESTED THAT
WE COME OVER THIS EVENING.

OH?

WELL, JUST A MOMENT.

DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE
BY THE NAME OF ANDERSON?

ANDERSON? I DON'T BELIEVE SO.

WELL, THEY SAID
YOU INVITED THEM?

INVITED THEM?

I DIDN'T INVITE
ANY... OH, ANDERSON!

SURE, THE ANNUITY MAN, SURE.

ANNUITY MAN.

A NICE CHAP. HAVE HIM COME IN.

UH, YES, WON'T YOU COME IN.

WELL, THANK YOU.

WELL, ANDERSON...

HELLO THERE. IT'S
GOOD TO SEE YOU.

[laughter]

AND THIS MUST BE MRS. ANDERSON.

MIGHTY GLAD YOU DID COME ALONG.

MAMA, I WANT YOU TO MEET

MY GOOD FRIENDS
MR. AND MRS. ANDERSON.

HOW DO YOU DO?

NICE TO MEET YOU.
NICE MEETING YOU.

WELL, HERE NOW I
CAN'T KEEP CALLING YOU

MR. AND MRS.
ANDERSON ALL EVENING.

WHAT ARE YOUR FIRST
NAMES? YOUR HANDLES?

WELL, THIS IS
MARGARET AND I'M JIM.

WELL, NOW, JIM AND... MAGGIE.

[canned laughter]

AND MAKE IT MAGGIE.

LET ME TAKE YOUR HAT. WON'T
YOU TAKE YOUR COAT OFF?

OH, NO, THANK YOU,
WE'LL ONLY BE A MOMENT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN A
MOMENT? YOU JUST GOT HERE.

COME ON IN AND SIT DOWN,
TAKE A LOAD OFF YOUR FEET.

MAMA, WHY DON'T YOU FIX
US UP A NICE LITTLE SPREAD?

OPEN UP A CAN OF
SALMON OR SOMETHING.

OH, NO, REALLY, WE'VE...
WE'VE JUST EATEN, THANK YOU.

OH, YOU CAN EAT SOME MORE.
FIX SOME COFFEE, TOO, MAMA.

OH, NO, PLEASE DON'T
BOTHER! OH, SHE LOVES IT.

THEY DON'T COME ANY
BETTER THAN MAMA.

WELL, COME ON, SIT DOWN.

SIT DOWN, JIM. [chuckles]

THANK YOU.

OH, THE WALL STREET JOURNAL.

WERE YOU PLANNING A
LITTLE STOCK MANIPULATION?

OH, I JU... I JUST...

I JUST KEEP MY EYE
ON TRENDS, THAT'S ALL.

WELL, MAGGIE, HOW'S
THE WORLD TREATING YOU?

HOW'S TRICKS?

TRICKS?

UH, I BROUGHT ALONG
THIS BROCHURE.

IT GIVES YOU A PRETTY GOOD IDEA

OF THE ANNUITY WE WERE
DISCUSSING, MR. LYDUM.

OH, OH, YES, YES, I SEE.

YEAH.

SAY, I WISH YOU'D CALL ME ALDUS.

MR. LYDUM SOUNDS TOO FORMAL.

MAGGIE, WHAT DO YOU SAY

WE GET UP NICE
LITTLE GAME OF CARDS?

NICE LITTLE GAME OF HEARTS.

MAMA GETS A KICK
OUT OF THAT GAME.

MAMA, HURRY UP, WE'RE
GONNA PLAY HEARTS!

I'LL GET THE PLAYING CARDS.

WE'VE GOT THOSE PLASTIC
ONES, THE KIND YOU CAN WASH.

ALDUS, WE'D LOVE TO PLAY,

BUT, HONESTLY, WE DON'T
HAVE THAT MUCH TIME.

OH, YOU GOT TIME.

A FELLA OUGHT TO
ALLOW HIMSELF SOME FUN.

MAMA, WHERE'S THE CARD TABLE?

[canned laughter]

NOW, WHO'S HOLDING
OUT THAT PESKY QUEEN?

[chuckles] I BET IT'S MAGGIE.

[canned laughter]

COMFORTABLE, MAMA?

MMM-HMM.

NOPE. NO, THAT DIDN'T GET IT.

[canned laughter]

SAY, YOU KNOW WHAT'D BE FUN?

SOMETIME, WE OUGHT TO ALL GO UP

TO OUR SUMMER
PLACE UP AT THE LAKE.

[chuckles]

YOU KNOW, I REMEMBER ONE TIME

WE WERE PLAYING HEARTS ON OUR
YACHT UP AT OUR SUMMER PLACE.

WAS THAT A YACHT, ALDUS?

WELL, IT WASN'T A YACHT EXACTLY.

IT WAS MORE OF A LIKE, UM...
WELL, IT WAS A CANOE, UH,

MADE BY THIS GENUINE OLD INDIAN.

[canned laughter]

I THOUGHT IT WAS A ROWBOAT.

WELL, IT WAS IN A WAY,
BUT IT WAS SPECIAL-BUILT.

WELL, BY GEORGE, YOU
BEAT US AGAIN, ALDUS.

WE CERTAINLY ENJOYED THE GAME.

WHAT... YOU... YOU'RE NOT...
YOU'RE NOT GOING NOW, ARE YOU?

WE STILL HAVE A
PLATE OF SANDWICHES.

WELL, THANKS, BUT WE
REALLY HAVE TO RUN ALONG.

BUT... BUT WE STILL
HAVEN'T DISCUSSED

THAT ANNUITY DEAL YET.

WELL, PERHAPS YOU'LL FIND TIME

TO COME UP TO MY
OFFICE SOMETIME.

FINE.

I'VE GOT SOME THINGS I'VE GOT
TO CHECK ON IN TOWN ANYWAY.

OH.

I'VE BEEN SORT OF
HALFWAY THINKING

ABOUT PUTTING IN
A SWIMMING POOL.

OH. IT'LL BE NICE FOR MAMA.

WELL, IT'S BEEN VERY
NICE MEETING YOU BOTH.

YES, IT CERTAINLY HAS BEEN.
WE ENJOYED THE EVENING.

GOOD NIGHT. THANK
YOU, TOO. GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT. DON'T TAKE
ANY WOODEN NICKELS.

OH, THEY'RE NICE PEOPLE.

YES, THEY CERTAINLY ARE.

NOW, OL' ANDERSON SURE KNOWS
HIS ONIONS ABOUT ANNUITIES, TOO.

OH, HERE, SWEETHEART.
LET ME DO THAT.

GO TO BED AND GET SOME REST.

WELL, ALL RIGHT.

I AM TIRED.

OH, SURE YOU ARE.

GET YOUR REST.

THANK YOU.

OKAY, WE'LL PUT DOWN
MR. LYDUM'S NAME

AS OUR FIRST PROSPECT.

BUT WE WON'T CONTACT HIM

UNTIL AFTER WE SEE HOW
DAD DOES WITH HIM TONIGHT,

ESPECIALLY SEEING
HE DOESN'T KNOW

A BOWLING BALL FROM AN EGGPLANT.

YEAH.

[doorknob clicks]

OH, HI, DAD!

HOW DID IT GO TONIGHT?

OH, GREAT, JUST GREAT.

I'VE BEEN WITH A MAN WHO BUYS
NOTHING BUT SUMMER HOMES,

YACHTS, SWIMMING POOLS
AND PLASTIC PLAYING CARDS.

[canned laughter]

IF YOU DON'T
BELIEVE ME, ASK HIM.

HEY, DO YOU THINK HE MIGHT
SPONSOR A BOWLING TEAM?

OH, HE'D NOT ONLY
SPONSOR YOUR TEAM,

BUT BUY EVERY BOWLING ALLEY
SOUTH OF THE CANADIAN BORDER.

[canned laughter]

BROTHER, DID I
WALK INTO THAT ONE.

MAN, DID YOU HEAR THAT?

OH, HE'S OUR BOY, OUR
SWEET LITTLE PITCH.

MR. LYDUM, HONEY CHILD,

YOU ARE GONNA HAVE SOME
VISITORS COME TOMORROW.

[canned laughter]

[door bell buzzes]

[humming]

WHAT, SIR?

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, BOYS?

WELL, UH, WE'D LIKE
TO SEE MR. LYDUM.

OH, THAT'S ME. COME ON IN.

OH, WELL, THANKS.

UH, WE'D LIKE TO DISCUSS
A BUSINESS DEAL WITH YOU.

THIS IS KIPPY WATKINS
AND I'M BUD ANDERSON.

UH, YOU KNOW MY
FATHER, MR. ANDERSON.

YOUR FATHER?

NO, NO, I DON'T
BELIEVE... OH, ANDERSON!

YEAH, SURE.

WE CHEWED THE FAT TILL
OWL HOURS LAST NIGHT.

HE'S, UH... HE'S RACKED
ME UP A BIG ANNUITY.

OH, COME ON IN AND SIT DOWN.

TELL ME.

WHAT KIND OF A BUSINESS
DEAL ARE YOU BOYS COOKING UP?

WELL, UH, WE'RE GETTING
UP THIS BOWLING TEAM.

UH, THAT'S A GAME.

YEAH, YOU... YOU TAKE THIS BALL,

IT LOOKS SOMETHING
LIKE AN EGGPLANT,

AND YOU... YOU ROLL IT,

AND, UH, YOU... YOU TRY AND
KNOCK DOWN SOME... SOME STICKS.

YEAH. AND IF YOU
KNOCK THEM ALL...

WHAT KIND OF AVERAGES
DO YOU BOYS BOWL?

A HUNDRED FORTY?

FIFTY?

I USED TO ROLL A STEADY
200 MYSELF. [laughs]

OF COURSE, THAT
WAS IN MY SALAD DAYS.

OH, COME ON, SIT DOWN.

DO YOU KNOW HOW TO BOWL?

OH, YEAH.

YEAH, I ALMOST ROLLED A
PERFECT 300 GAME ONE TIME,

STRIKES ALL THE WAY
UNTIL THE LAST FRAME.

AND THEN YOU KNOW WHAT I DID?

I GOT ME A SPLIT.

BUT THEN YOU KNOW WHAT?

[laughs]

I MISSED BOTH OF THEM.

[laughter]

SAY, I BET YOU BOYS WOULD
LIKE SOME COOKIES, HUH?

MAMA, HAVE WE GOT ANY COOKIES?

MAMA?

WELL, WE'RE NOT REALLY HUNGRY.

WHAT WE REALLY
NEED IS A SPONSOR.

SAY, I'M GONNA GIVE YOU BOYS
A GREAT NAME FOR YOUR TEAM,

TIGER CATS.

HOW DOES THAT SUIT YOU?

FINE.

BUT WHAT WE NEED
MOST IS A SPONSOR.

YOU KNOW, SOMEBODY TO BUY
THE UNIFORMS AND ALL THAT.

YEAH, BECAUSE IF WE DON'T GET
ONE, WE CAN'T GET IN THE LEAGUE.

OH, WELL.

IN THAT CASE, I
SAY GET A SPONSOR.

YEAH, GO OUT AND GET ONE.

YES, MR. LYDUM, BUT...

WAIT! I'VE GOT
ANOTHER SUGGESTION.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO
HANDLE THE SPONSORSHIP FOR YOU?

YOU REALLY MEAN THAT?

YES, SIR.

NOW, YOU GO ON DOWN
INTO THOSE OLD TIGER CATS

IN THE LEAGUE RIGHT NOW.

GEE, THANKS AN
AWFUL LOT, MR. LYDUM.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH.

OH, IT WAS NOTHING.

[comical music]

♪ ♪

HI THERE, MISSY! HOW ARE YOU?

ALL RIGHT.

COULD YOU TELL ME WHERE
I COULD FIND MR. LYDUM?

SURE COULD, THAT'S ME. YOU?

BUT I THOUGHT A RICH MAN
LIKE YOU WOULD HIRE PEOPLE

TO DO ALL THIS
SCRUBBY WORK. [chuckles]

I'LL TELL YOU I GAVE THE
SCRUBBY WORKERS A DAY OFF,

YOU KNOW, LIKE THE BUTLER
AND THE UPSTAIRS MAID.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

WELL, I BELONG TO
THE LITTLE SQUALLS,

AND WE'RE SELLING DONUTS.

AND IF I GO OVER MY QUOTA,

I WIN THIS FREE TRIP TO THE
SPRINGFIELD BISCUIT COMPANY.

WELL, SAY NOW, I'M JUST
GONNA HELP YOU WIN THAT TRIP.

YOU ARE? YES, SIR.

NOW, YOU LISTEN VERY CLOSELY.

WHEN YOU GO UP TO SELL SOMEBODY,
DON'T SAY, "WILL YOU BUY A FEW?"

INSTEAD, YOU TAKE
OUT YOUR PENCIL

AND SAY, UM...

"HOW MANY DOZENS SHALL I
PUT YOU DOWN FOR, THREE, FOUR?

HE'LL GET 'EM.

OH, BUT WAIT! HMM?

AREN'T YOU GOING TO ORDER ANY?

ME? UH-HUH.

THEY SAID YOU WERE SO NICE,

AND I STILL HAVE TO SELL SIX
DOZEN TO GO OVER MY QUOTA.

SIX DOZEN.

WELL, SAY NOW, I'LL TELL
YOU WHAT I'M GONNA DO.

I'M GONNA LET YOU PUT
OLD PATTY LYDUM DOWN

FOR THE WHOLE KIT AND CABOODLE.

YOU MEAN THAT? MM-HM.

OH, YOU... YOU HAVE TO
SIGN THIS ORDER BLANK.

OH, UH, PUT ME JOHN
HENRY DOWN, HMM?

OH, NO, PUT YOUR OWN NAME DOWN.

[canned laughter]

THERE YOU ARE, MISSY.

OH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

YOU'RE EVEN NICER
THAN WHAT THEY SAID.

I'LL DELIVER 'EM TOMORROW. BYE!

BYE.

[canned laughter]

FOUR, FIVE, SIX.

HEY, BUD, LOOK, I
WENT OVER MY QUOTA!

I SOLD SIX DOZENS TO MR. LYDUM.

SEE, WHAT DID I TELL
YOU? OH, HE'S SO NICE.

I'M GOING TO DELIVER
HIS, FIRST OF ALL.

OH, HE'S GREAT.

I'M CALLING HIM RIGHT
NOW TO SEE IF WE CAN GET

OUR UNIFORMS BY MONDAY.

UH, THAT'S WHEN OUR FIRST
LEAGUE GAME COMES UP.

SAY, DON'T MENTION HIM
SPONSORING US TO DAD.

I WANNA GET DAD OVER TO THE
BOWLING ALLEY MONDAY NIGHT.

AND WHEN HE SEES
US IN OUR UNIFORMS,

WILL HIS EYES BUG OUT.

[phone rings]

HELLO.

YES, THIS IS LYDUM. WHO?

BUD ANDERSON.

ANDERSON. [canned laughter]

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

THE... THE BOWLING
TEAM YOU'RE SPONSORING.

YOU'RE NOT?

NO, I'M NOT
SPONSORING YOUR TEAM.

I'VE LINED YOU BOYS UP WITH THE
LOCKE SWIMMING POOL COMPANY.

THEY'RE PICKING UP THE TAB.

UNIFORMS BY MONDAY.

OH, WELL, NOW, I...

WHAT?

NO, NO, NO, YOU
BETTER NOT CALL HIM.

UM, I'LL CHECK INTO IT FOR
YOU AND LET YOU KNOW.

RIGHT.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA
CHECK INTO AND FOR WHOM?

OH, IT-IT WAS THE ANDERSON BOY.

HE'S A FINE LAD.

HE HAS A BOWLING TEAM.

I'M HELPING THE BOYS OUT.

JUST WHAT DID YOU
PROMISE TO DO FOR THEM?

NOW, IT'S ALL RIGHT, MAMA.

DON'T WORRY, I'VE
ALREADY DONE IT.

I'VE LINED THEM
UP WITH A SPONSOR.

OH, ALDUS, YOU...

FOR YOU. [chuckles]

ALDUS, YOU KNOW YOU
SHOULDN'T SPEND YOUR MONEY

FOR THINGS LIKE THIS.

OH, NOW, DON'T DEPRIVE
ME OF MY PLEASURES.

BESIDES, IT ONLY COSTS 3.79.

BUT YOU NEED A NEW
SHIRT AND NEW SHOES.

OH, MAMA, MAMA, WE
MUSTN'T ALWAYS BE PRACTICAL.

YOU KNOW SOMEDAY, I'M
REALLY GONNA BUY YOU

A LOT OF EXPENSIVE,
FRILLY THINGS.

THAT'S GENUINE IMPORTED COLOGNE.

WELL... IT'S NOT
EXACTLY IMPORTED,

BUT IT'S-IT'S THE SAME
FORMULA, ONLY BETTER.

YOU LIKE IT?

OF COURSE, I DO.

YOU'RE VERY SWEET, ALDUS.

[chuckles]

[doorbell buzzes]

OH, I'LL GET IT.

WELL, WELL, MY OLD FRIEND.

WHAT HAVE WE HERE, MISSY?

DONUTS?

DONUTS?

DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE
SELLING DONUTS NOW.

LET'S SEE, WHAT WERE YOU
SELLING THE OTHER DAY?

DONUTS.

HM?

AND THESE ARE YOURS.

YOU ORDERED SIX DOZEN,
DON'T YOU REMEMBER?

I ORDERED SIX DOZEN?

UH-HUH.

AND THAT WILL BE $3.60.

OH.

WELL...

[sighs]

WELL, I... I... I'M
AFRAID, MISSY,

YOU CAUGHT ME A
LITTLE SHORT HERE.

YOU BETTER COME BACK NEXT WEEK.

BUT I HAVE TO TURN
THE MONEY IN TONIGHT.

THAT'S THE DEADLINE.

WELL, I...

IF I DON'T TURN THE
MONEY IN TONIGHT,

I WON'T GO OVER MY QUOTA,
AND I WON'T GET THAT TRIP.

OH.

OH, WELL, I DIDN'T...

NEXT TIME I'LL BUY
TWICE AS MANY,

BUT... BUT THIS TIME,
MISSY, I'M AFRAID...

I'LL HAVE TO PASS IT UP.

PASS IT UP?

BUT YOU ORDERED.

YOU...

[dramatic music]

[sobbing]

NO, OH, MISSY!

♪ ♪

HONEY, I CAN'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.

HE WOULDN'T PAY FOR THE DONUTS?

WHO WOULDN'T?

THAT MR. LYDUM.

LYDUM?

OH, KITTEN, WHY
DID YOU GO TO HIM?

WELL, YOU WENT TOO.

AND BUD DID.

BUD DID?

FOR WHAT?

TO SPONSOR THE BOWLING TEAM.

OH, NO!

OH. OH, BABY.

THAT MAN!

GOSH, YOU THINK
WITH ALL HIS MONEY,

HE COULD LET LOOSE WITH $3.60.

WELL, THAT'S JUST
THE TROUBLE, KITTEN,

HE HASN'T GOT ANY MONEY.

HE'S JUST A BIG WINDBAG.

A WINDBAG.

GOSH, I WON'T GO
OVER MY QUOTA NOW.

AH, DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT THAT.

WE'LL FIX UP THAT PART OF IT.

THE BAD PART OF THIS WHOLE THING

IS LETTING HIM GET AWAY
WITH DECEIVING KIDS LIKE THIS.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M GONNA DELIVER
THESE DONUTS MYSELF.

OH, HE WON'T PAY.

OH, YES, HE WILL.

HE'LL PAY OR HE'LL EAT
EVERY ONE OF THEM.

[canned laughter]

WAIT, HONEY.

DON'T TRY TO STOP
ME BECAUSE I'M GOING.

OH, I'M NOT TRYING TO STOP YOU.

I JUST WANT YOU TO WAIT FOR ME.

I'M GOING, TOO.

[canned laughter]

WHY, NO, MR. LYDUM ISN'T
AT HOME AT THE MOMENT,

BUT HE SHOULD BE BACK SOON.

IS THERE SOMETHING I COULD
HELP YOU WITH, MR. ANDERSON?

WELL, NO.

IT'S RATHER A PERSONAL MATTER.

OH, I SEE.

WELL, COME IN AND SIT DOWN.

IT'S ABOUT YOUR BOY'S
BOWLING TEAM, ISN'T IT?

WHAT?

I KNOW HE PROMISED
THEM SOMETHING,

A SPONSOR OR SOMETHING.

AND THEN THERE'S THE ANNUITIES

HE WAS GOING TO
TAKE OUT FROM YOU.

OH, WELL, THAT, UH...

THESE BOXES HAVE
ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM?

WELL...

THEY ARE DONUTS.

AND OUR LITTLE GIRL WAS
SELLING THEM FOR HER CLUB.

I CAN GUESS.

[breathes heavily]

HE ORDERED ALL THESE

AND THEN PROBABLY DIDN'T
HAVE THE MONEY TO PAY FOR THEM.

WELL...

I GUESS, YOU HAVE A RIGHT
TO KNOW ABOUT MY HUSBAND.

[dramatic music]

HE'S IRRESPONSIBLE
AND HE'S A FAILURE.

BUT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, HE
ALWAYS WANTED TO BE IMPORTANT,

SO HE FOUND A WAY...

BY TALKING BIG, BY ACTING BIG.

♪ ♪

PEOPLE WHO KNOW HIM
UNDERSTAND THIS AND OVERLOOK IT.

PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW HIM...

THEY BELIEVE HIM, AND
SOMETIMES THEY GET HURT.

THIS IS WHAT HE
DOESN'T UNDERSTAND.

THIS IS HIS SIN.

[sighs]

OH, I'VE TRIED TO
MAKE HIM SEE THIS.

HE PROMISES HE'LL STOP...

BUT HE'S LIKE A LITTLE
BOY THAT KEEPS RIGHT ON.

MAYBE SOMEDAY, SOMETHING WILL
HAPPEN TO MAKE HIM UNDERSTAND

WHAT IT IS HE DOES TO
PEOPLE LIKE YOUR LITTLE GIRL.

♪ ♪

YOU LEAVE THE DONUTS,

WE'LL PAY FOR THEM...
IN A DAY OR TWO.

OH, NO, NO. YOU
DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

IT DOESN'T MATTER
ABOUT THE MONEY.

WHAT REALLY MATTERS
IS THAT OUR DAUGHTER IS...

I KNOW.

BUT DON'T THINK TOO
UNKINDLY OF ALL THIS...

LET ME TELL YOU HIS OTHER SIDE.

ALL HIS FAILURES,

HE'S KEPT THEM INSIDE
NEVER WANTING ME TO SUFFER.

HE'S ALWAYS CHEERFUL,
ALWAYS CONCERNED ABOUT ME.

HE'S KIND TO ME.

AND HE...

HE LOVES ME.

JUST... JUST TODAY, HE GOT ME
THIS LITTLE BOTTLE OF COLOGNE.

IT'S... WELL, I DON'T
KNOW WHERE IT IS NOW,

BUT... WHY HE NEEDED
THAT MONEY FOR CLOTHES

MORE THAN I NEED COLOGNE.

BUT THAT'S MY HUSBAND...

ALDUS LYDUM,
MILLIONAIRE JANITOR.

I MANAGED THIS
APARTMENT BUILDING.

HE DOES THE CHORES.

AND I...

AND I LOVE HIM.

[door clanks] MAMA!

I'VE BEEN OUT LOOKING
FOR A LITTLE GIRL,

BUT I DON'T KNOW
WHERE SHE LIVES.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT HER NAME IS?

WHAT WILL I DO KNOW?

DID YOU ORDER SOME
DONUTS FROM HER?

DID SHE COME BACK?

NO.

BUT HER NAME IS ANDERSON.

AN... AN... AN...

YOUR LITTLE GIRL?

OH, [sighs]

I... I... I... I HURT THAT
LITTLE GIRL TODAY.

I HURT HER BAD.

WELL, AFTER ALL IT'S...

NO. THERE'S... THERE'S
NO EXCUSING IT.

BUT I DO HAVE THE MONEY NOW.

I... IT'S ALL HERE $3.60.

NO.

NO, GO ON, TAKE IT.

AND... AND... AND TELL HER...

OH...

WHAT CAN YOU TELL HER?

I'LL NEVER FORGET THAT LOOK
ON THAT LITTLE GIRL'S FACE

AS LONG AS I LIVE.

OH, I'M SURE THIS WILL
MAKE KATHY VERY HAPPY.

WELL, THEN YOU...
YOU... YOU'LL BE SURE

THAT SHE GETS IT IN TONIGHT?

SHE... SHE... SHE'S GOT
TO GO OVER THAT QUOTA.

SHE WILL. [laughter]

THANKS TO YOU.

YEAH.

OH, WAIT! I THINK
THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE.

OH, WHAT ABOUT THE BOY'S TEAM?

THE SPONSOR BUSINESS?

NO, THAT'S TRUE, MAMA!

THE SWIMMING POOL COMPANY
REALLY IS GONNA SPONSOR THEM.

WELL, I, UH, I... I GUESS THEY...
THEY WANTED TO DO ME A FAVOR

BECAUSE... BECAUSE THEY...
THEY... SOMEHOW GOT THE IDEA

I MIGHT BE IN THE... MARKET
FOR A SWIMMING POOL.

[canned laughter]

OH, I'M SURE IT'LL
WORK OUT VERY WELL,

BOTH FOR THE
COMPANY AND THE BOYS.

OH, TELL THE BOYS THAT
THEY'LL HAVE THEIR UNIFORMS

BY MONDAY, IF IT ALL POSSIBLE.

OKAY, AND I'M SURE
THEY'RE VERY GRATEFUL

FOR EVERYTHING
YOU'VE DONE, MR. LYDUM.

YES, AND SO IS KATHY.

OH, REALLY. VERY GRATEFUL!

GOOD BYE. GOOD BYE.

GOOD NIGHT. GOOD BYE.

[door clanks]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

MAMA...

DO YOU THINK

THAT... THAT... THAT...
THAT LITTLE GIRL

WILL... WILL... WILL
EVER FORGIVE ME?

REALLY, I MEAN?

CERTAINLY, ALDUS.

DON'T YOU SEE?

YOU KEPT YOUR PROMISE.

YOU BOUGHT THE DONUTS.

BY THE WAY, WHERE
DID YOU GET THE MONEY?

OH.

AND THAT... THAT...
THAT'S THE TROUBLE.

I... I DID THE WORST
THING I COULD.

I... YOUR PRESENT.

YOUR COLOGNE,
I... I TOOK IT BACK.

[breathes deeply]

AND NOW I'VE...
NOW, I'VE HURT YOU.

HURT ME?

OH, ALDUS, ALDUS,
DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

MAKING GOOD YOUR
PROMISE TO THAT LITTLE GIRL

IS THE NICEST GIFT
YOU'VE EVER GIVEN ME.

THIS IS THE GIFT I'VE BEEN
WAITING FOR... FOR YEARS.

♪ ♪

[applause]

[laughs]

[theme music]