Father Knows Best (1954–1960): Season 3, Episode 13 - Betty Goes Steady - full transcript

At college, Betty is enjoying the social life and is going steady with a casual acquaintance. Bud works on the school paper and brings home Mr. Beekman, the paper's adviser. Mr. Beekman tells Betty there is more to life than parties.

[theme music]

♪ ♪

Narrator: ROBERT YOUNG...

♪ ♪

AND JANE WYATT...

♪ ♪

[laughter]

WITH ELINOR DONAHUE, BILLY
GRAY AND LAUREN CHAPIN

IN FATHER KNOWS BEST.

[comic music]

♪ ♪



MARGARET!

I'M...

HOME.

OH, MY. SUCH ENTHUSIASM.

I WAS JUST CHECKING TO
SEE IF YOU EVER LISTEN TO ME.

OH, SURE YOU WERE. [chuckles]

WELL, COLLEGE HAS DONE
FAIRLY WELL BY OUR DAUGHTER.

SHE HAS A NEW
BOYFRIEND. NEW BOYFRIEND?

UH, SITTING ON HIS CAR.

SOME BOY I'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE.

FAIRLY FAST WORK, ISN'T IT?

CONSIDERING SHE ONLY STARTED
IN COLLEGE A FEW WEEKS AGO.

I WAS HOPING SHE'D
AT LEAST WAIT A WHILE

BEFORE ENGAGING IN ANY
EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES.



WELL, THERE'S NOT MUCH
YOU CAN DO ABOUT THAT.

NO, I SUPPOSE NOT.

WELL, HE'S NICE AND
TALL, BUT I DON'T KNOW.

HE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE
THE RIGHT TYPE FOR BETTY.

YEAH, THEY NEVER DO.

OH. OR MAYBE HE JUST
GAVE HER A RIDE HOME.

MAYBE.

OH, THEY'RE COMING
IN. SEE WHAT YOU THINK?

WHAT I THINK ABOUT WHAT? SHH!

WHAT ARE YOU...

ALL RIGHT, THAT
SOUNDS SATISFACTORY.

WHAT TIME WILL YOU CALL
FOR ME, FRIDAY NIGHT?

UH, QUARTER TO 8 WILL GET
US THERE IN PLENTY OF TIME.

FINE.

NOW THEN, DO YOU-DO YOU BRING
ME A CORSAGE OR DO YOU SEND IT?

NEITHER, A CORSAGE IS
CONSIDERED NOWHERE

AT THE FRESHMAN WARM-UP DANCE.

YOU DON'T GET THAT UNTIL
THE HOMECOMING DANCE.

I SEE.

WELL NOW, DID THAT COVER ALL
THE ARRANGEMENTS FOR OUR DATE?

THAT DOES IT.
IT'LL BE REAL NEAT.

OH, UM, HERE'S
YOUR HISTORY BOOK.

I CHECKED YOUR REPORT
OVER AND IT LOOKS OKAY.

OH, THANKS.

SO LONG. SO LONG.

OH, HI, FATHER.

HI, WHO'S THE BOY?

OH, IT'S, UH...

UM, OH, NOW, I KNOW,
JUST AS WELL AS...

OH... OH, LET ME SEE.

YOU MEAN YOU DON'T
EVEN KNOW HIS NAME?

ROGER, THAT'S IT, ROGER COLOFF.

WAIT A MINUTE.

ARE YOU GOING TO
A DANCE WITH A BOY

WHOSE NAME YOU CAN
HARDLY REMEMBER?

I REMEMBERED HIS
NAME, IT'S ROGER!

SEE, YES, BUT IF YOU'RE
THIS HAZY ABOUT HIS NAME,

YOU CAN'T KNOW
VERY MUCH ABOUT HIM.

FATHER, HE'S AN ACCEPTABLE.

HE'S A WHAT?

IN FACT, HE'S A REAL
NEAT ACCEPTABLE.

OH, NO, YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.

NO, I GUESS NOT.

ANYWAY, DON'T WORRY.

OH! OF COURSE NOT.

MY DAUGHTER'S MERELY GOING TO A
DANCE WITH A COMPLETE STRANGER.

WHY SHOULD I WORRY?
OH, HE'S NOT A STRANGER.

BESIDES, I HAVE TO GO WITH HIM.

WHY? BECAUSE...

I GO STEADY WITH HIM.

STEADY?

HOW CAN YOU GO STEADY WITH
A BOY YOU HARDLY EVEN KNOW?

FATHER.

FATHER, FATHER...

YOU JUST SIMPLY
DON'T UNDERSTAND.

[canned laughter]

AND WHEN SHE SAID I
JUST DIDN'T UNDERSTAND,

SHE COULDN'T HAVE
BEEN MORE RIGHT.

I THOUGHT YOUNG PEOPLE,
AT LEAST, GOT ACQUAINTED

BEFORE THEY
STARTED GOING STEADY.

WHY, SHE DOESN'T EVEN
KNOW HIS NAME, HARDLY.

THIS MUST HAVE HIT
HER AWFULLY HARD

TO HAVE HAPPENED SO FAST.

WELL, I THOUGHT SHE
HAD BETTER SENSE.

HI, MOM, HI, DAD.

HI. HI.

AND YOU SHOULD HAVE
HEARD THE STRANGE TALK.

HEY, GUESS WHAT HAPPENED, DAD?

SOUNDED LIKE THEY
WERE DRAWING UP

A CORPORATION AGREEMENT
INSTEAD OF ARRANGING FOR A DATE.

I'M ON A SCHOOL PAPER.

I THOUGHT SHE HAS BETTER SENSE.

I'M MAKE-UP EDITOR.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?
HOW DO I LIKE WHAT?

WHAT I'VE JUST BEEN TELLING YOU.

I ACCIDENTALLY BLEW
UP THE 4TH STREET BRIDGE

WITH A STICK OF DYNAMITE.

YOU DID WHAT? RELAX, DAD.

BOY, WHAT A GUY HAS TO DO TO
GET A LITTLE ATTENTION AROUND HERE.

BUD, YOU BETTER
GO GET WASHED NOW.

GET READY FOR DINNER.

ISN'T ANYBODY INTERESTED?

I'M AN EDITOR NOW, ON
THE HIGH SCHOOL PAPER!

OH, THAT'S FINE, SON, FINE.

IMAGINE GOING STEADY AFTER
ONLY A FEW WEEKS OF COLLEGE?

I MAY HAVE TO BLOW UP
THAT BRIDGE AFTER ALL.

OH, HEY, MA, UH, IS IT
OKAY IF I INVITE BEAK OVER?

BEAK? WHO'S BEAK?

HE'S THE ADVISOR FOR
THE SCHOOL PAPER.

HE'S THIS NEW TEACHER
THAT GOT IN CRENSHAW.

MR. BEAKMAN.

HE'S GONNA SHOW ME HOW
TO DO FRONT PAGE MAKE-UP.

OH, I SEE.

WELL, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

GOOD, 'CAUSE I'VE
ALREADY DONE IT.

[canned laughter]

HE'LL BE OVER ABOUT 8.

NOW, WHO'LL BE OVER ABOUT 8?

OH, JUST A GUY. HEY,
MAYBE YOU KNOW HIM.

HE'S TAKING A COUPLE OF
CLASSES AT YOUR COLLEGE.

UH, ENGLISH OR PHILOSOPHY,
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

HE'S A HARDWORKING GUY,

GOING TO SCHOOL AND
TEACHING AT THE SAME TIME.

DO YOU KNOW HIM?

WELL, WHAT'S HIS NAME? BEAK.

THAT'S A NAME?

WELL, MR. BEAKMAN,
HE'S NOT A BAD GUY.

NEVER HEARD OF HIM.

SAY, WHAT DO YOU
WANT ME TO DO, MOTHER?

OH, SET THE TABLE.
EVERYTHING'S ABOUT READY.

AND, BUD, PLEASE GO
WASH AND CALL KATHY.

OKAY. COME ON, DAD.

I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO MAKE UP
THE FRONT PAGE OF A NEWSPAPER.

[canned laughter]

SOMEONE BRING YOU HOME TONIGHT?

UH-HMM, A BOY.

OH. WHAT'S HIS NAME?

OH, IT'S, UM, UH, ROBERT.

NO, ROGER COLOFF.

COME ON, DAD.

[canned laughter]

IS HE NICE?

OH, YES, HE'S... HE'S REAL NEAT.

HE HAS A FOOTBALL LETTER,
IDENTIFICATION BRACELET, CAR,

CAN DANCE, HE'S GOOD AT
HISTORY, WHAT MORE CAN A GIRL ASK?

HE'S REAL NEAT.

[comic music]

♪ ♪

[doorbell dings]

I'LL GET IT.

NO, THAT'S FOR ME.

OH, HOLD IT. [canned laughter]

HI, KATHY, BETTY HOME?

SHE'S DOING THE
DISHES. COME ON IN.

[phone rings]

OH, EXCUSE ME.

YOU CAN GO ON BACK.

HELLO?

OH, YES, JUST A MINUTE.

BETTY, TELEPHONE!

IT'S SOME GUY!

WELL, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO SHOUT IT ALL...

OH, HI, DOTTY. HI, BETTY.

I JUST CAME OVER TO SEE

WHAT YOU'RE GONNA
WEAR TO THE DANCE FRIDAY?

JUST A MINUTE. HELLO?

OH, HELLO THERE.

OH, THAT'S REAL NEAT.

REALLY?

OH, THAT'S REAL
NEAT. [canned laughter]

WELL, OKAY ROBER... ROGER.

THANKS FOR CALLING. BYE.

OH, ROGER, HUH?

WELL, YOU KNOW, I THINK
THAT'S A GOOD RULE,

HAVING THEM PHONE
YOU UP EVERY EVENING.

GIVES A GIRL A CHANCE
TO CHECK UP ON THEM.

UH-HMM.

OH, DON'T YOU JUST
LOVE GOING STEADY?

OH, I DON'T KNOW WHY WE DIDN'T
START GOING TO COLLEGE LONG AGO.

YES. OH, I JUST LOVE IT.

OF COURSE, I... I DO FEEL
SORRY FOR FLORENCE, THOUGH.

I THOUGHT FOR SURE SHE'D
BE ACCEPTABLE, BUT SHE DIDN'T.

OH, WELL, ISN'T SHE GOING
TO THE DANCE AT ALL?

OH, YEAH, SHE'S GOING, BUT
SHE MIGHT AS WELL BE DEAD.

YOU KNOW WHO SHE'S GOING WITH?

OH, YOU KNOW, WELL,
HE'S A REAL QUEAK.

EDGAR? OH, THAT'S THE ONE.

OH, HE'S REAL HUEY.

OH, HE'S NOT THAT BAD.

WELL HE IS FOR FLORENCE.

ONCE YOU'RE SEEN
WITH A QUEAK LIKE HIM,

YOU'LL NEVER GET A CHANCE
TO GO WITH AN ACCEPTABLE.

[doorbell dings]

WHO MADE UP ALL THESE RULES
ABOUT GOING STEADY ANYWAY?

WELL, THEY'RE JUST THE
NATURAL RULES OF SOCIETY.

[canned laughter]

HELLO, I'M MR. BEAKMAN.

IS BUD AT HOME? YES.

OH, YES, HE'S IN THE KITCHEN
WAITING FOR YOU. COME IN.

THANK YOU. RIGHT THROUGH THERE.

[door closes]

OH, BROTHER!

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

WELL, I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE
HIM AT FIRST, BEAKMAN.

WE'RE IN ENGLISH TOGETHER.

HE SITS WAY IN BACK.

AWFUL BRAINY, BUT
WHAT A HUEY-LY.

[canned laughter]

YOU KNOW WHAT THE KIDS
CALL HIM? "BEAK THE QUEAK."

[canned laughter]

KIND OF AN UGLY WORD, "QUEAK".

I WONDER WHO
MAKES UP SUCH STUFF?

OH, THEY DON'T MAKE
THEM UP. THEY JUST ARE.

HELLO, DOTTY. HELLO,
MRS. ANDERSON.

BETTY, I WISH YOU'D FINISH
UP OUT IN THE KITCHEN,

SO THEY CAN WORK.

IT LOOKS AWFUL.
ALL RIGHT, MOTHER.

OH, YOU WANT TO
SEE MY NEW DRESS.

IT'S UP IN MY CLOSET.

IT'S A CUTE LITTLE BEIGE
ONE WITH A LACE OVERSKIRT.

YOU GO ON UP. I'LL
BE UP IN A MINUTE.

OH, IF YOU CAN'T
FIND IT, ASK MOTHER.

OKAY.

DOTTY, UH... I WONDER IF YOU'D
MIND ANSWERING A FEW QUESTIONS

FOR A BEWILDERED,
CONFUSED OLD MAN.

WHY, NO. WHAT WOULD
YOU LIKE TO KNOW?

WELL... [canned laughter]

YOU NEEDN'T RECOGNIZE
MY DESCRIPTION SO FAST.

[chuckles]

IN THE FIRST PLACE,
UH, WHAT IS A QUEAK?

WELL, OH, YOU KNOW.

IT'S A, UH, UM... SQUARE?

[chuckles] OH, YOU'RE
SO OLD-FASHIONED.

[laughs] [canned laughter]

OKAY, SO MUCH FOR THAT.

NOW, THEN TELL ME EXACTLY
WHAT IS MEANT BY "GOING STEADY"?

I HAVE A FEELING IT'S TAKEN
ON SOME STRANGE NEW MEANING

SINCE I WAS INVOLVED
IN SUCH THINGS.

WELL, NOW, WHICH KIND
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WHICH KIND OF WHAT?

WELL, GOING STEADY.

YOU SEE, YOU CAN GO STEADY
BY TELEPHONE OR GOING STEADILY,

OR HAVE A REGULAR FELLA.

WELL, LET'S SEE NOW.

THERE'S GOING STEADY
AND NOT ADMITTING IT.

AND THEN THERE'S GOING APE.

GOING APE?

OH, HEAVEN FORBID.

I KNOW I'M AN IDIOT TO ASK
THIS, BUT WHAT IS "GOING APE"?

OH, YOU KNOW,

IT'S... IT'S LOSING YOUR HEAD
OVER A BOY OR SOMETHING,

FALLING FOR HIM IN A LARGE WAY.

THIS IS BAD?

NATURALLY.

NO SECURITY.

IT'S JUST NOT DONE
IN THE IN-CROWD.

I SEE.

OH, BETTY'S LUCKY.

SHE'S GOING STRAIGHT STEADY.

SHE HAS HER WHOLE-YEAR
SOCIAL LIFE GUARANTEED.

SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY

IF SHE'S GOT A DATE FOR
THIS THING OR THAT THING.

SHE'S SET.

UH, TELL ME, UH, UH,
BETTY AND THIS... THIS BOY...

OH, ROGER?

ARE THEY, UH... OH, NATURALLY,
THEY... THEY HAVEN'T GONE APE?

OH, NO.

OH, OF COURSE NOT.

BUT DO THEY LIKE EACH OTHER?

WELL, I GUESS SO.

OH, THAT'S OKAY IF
THEY FEEL THAT WAY.

BUT NOT REQUIRED
BY THE RULES, HUH?

[canned laughter]

WELL, HOW'D THEY MEET?

HOW'D THEY START GOING
STEADY, UH, STRAIGHTLY?

OH, IT WAS PERFECTLY NORMAL.

THE GIRLS, YOU
KNOW, THE IN-CROWD,

WELL, THEY SELECTED
BETTY ON A RATE LIST

AND THEN THEY SUGGESTED
ROGER AS HER STEADY.

YOU SEE, ROGER'S ON THE
LIST OF ACCEPTABLE BOYS,

AND THEN SHE OKAYED
HIM, AND HE OKAYED HER,

AND SO THEY WERE INTRODUCED.

AND THEN HE GAVE HER HIS ID
BRACELET, SO NOW THEY'RE SET.

IS THERE ANYTHING
ELSE YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW?

[canned laughter]

NO, NO, I THINK I'VE
LEARNED TOO MUCH ALREADY.

[canned laughter]

BUT, UH, THANKS ANYWAY, DOTTY.

OH, THAT'S PERFECTLY ALL RIGHT.

OH, SAY, I WAS GOING UPSTAIRS
TO SEE BETTY'S DANCE DRESS,

BUT I DON'T HAVE
THE TIME RIGHT NOW.

TELL HER I'LL SEE
HER LATER, OKAY?

ALL RIGHT, I'LL TELL HER.

OKAY, BYE.

BYE.

WHAT A STRANGE LITTLE SOCIAL
WEB THEY'VE SPUN FOR THEMSELVES.

MADAM, I KNOW THIS BRANDS
ME AS UNMITIGATED QUEAK,

BUT MAY I SAY I'VE
GONE APE OVER YOU.

[canned laughter] HUH?

[laughs]

NOW, WAIT.

BEFORE YOU PUT YOUR, UH,
STORY ON YOUR DUMMY SHEET,

TELL ME YOUR GENERAL PLAN
FOR MAKING UP YOUR FRONT PAGE.

WELL, I'M GONNA...

I'M GONNA RUN THE HEADLINE
ACROSS THE TOP HERE,

AND THEN A TWO-COLUMN HEAD HERE,

AND THEN PUT THE
MAIN STORY UNDER THAT,

ON THE RIGHT SIDE, HERE.

WHY?

WELL, THAT'S THE WAY YOU DO IT.

GET OUT OF HERE, SHRIMP.

WHY IS THAT THE WAY YOU DO IT?

WELL, THAT'S THE WAY
IT'S ALWAYS BEEN DONE.

YOU THINK THAT'S A
GOOD ENOUGH REASON?

WELL, THAT'S THE WAY THE
REGULAR CITY NEWSPAPER LOOKS.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH
DOING IT THAT WAY?

I DIDN'T SAY IT WAS WRONG.

I JUST THINK THERE OUGHT TO BE A
BETTER REASON FOR DOING A THING

THAN BECAUSE PEOPLE
HAVE BEEN DOING IT THAT WAY.

OH, YES, BUT IF IT WORKS...?

BUT MAYBE SOMETHING
ELSE WILL WORK BETTER,

AND THIS YOU'LL NEVER FIND OUT

IF YOU KEEP ON BLINDLY DOING
WHAT'S ALREADY BEEN DONE.

YEAH, WELL, LET'S...
SOMETHING'S BEEN TRIED

MANY, MANY TIMES,
AND PROVEN TO BE BEST.

THAT'S THE TRAP.

THAT'S THE EASY WAY.

OH, OH, WHAT IF WE PUT
THE MAIN STORY ON THE SIDE?

WE HAVE TOO MANY
OBTUSE FOLLOWERS.

WHAT WE NEED IS MORE
PEOPLE WHO ASK WHY.

WELL, WHY DON'T WE
GET GOING ON THIS?

I'LL GIVE YOU A GOOD EXAMPLE

OF THIS SHEEP TYPE OF THINKING.

NOW, TAKE THAT DIM-WITTED
SOCIAL ORDER AT THE COLLEGE.

OH? WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?

YOU'LL SEE.

YOU'LL PROBABLY RUN INTO
IT IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY.

LOOK, THE PAPER... I SUPPOSE

YOU COULD FIGURE OUT
A BETTER SOCIAL PLAN.

I ALREADY HAVE.

MY PLAN IS TO JUNK
THE WHOLE THING.

OH, IT IS?

WELL, DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU

THAT PEOPLE NEED SOME SOCIAL
LIFE TO LIVE A WELL-ROUNDED...

AGREED, AGREED, I'M ALL
FOR A LITTLE SOCIAL LIFE.

BUT NOT WHEN IT'S RUN ACCORDING
TO SOME HALF-BAKED RULES

LAID DOWN BY A HANDFUL
OF SOPHOMORIC SOPHOMORES

WHO SET THEMSELF UP WITH
SOME SORT OF PHONY ARISTOCRACY.

BUT WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE
TO SET YOURSELF UP AS JUDGE?

NONE. NONE EXCEPT THE RIGHT

THAT EVERY MAN HAS TO
LOOK AROUND AND ASK WHY.

[canned laughter]

DID YOU EVER LOOK
AT THIS SOCIAL THING

FROM... FROM A
GIRL'S POINT OF VIEW?

BOYS CAN GO
WHEREVER THEY PLEASE.

ASK ANY GIRL THEY
PLEASE. OH, NO, NO, NO.

IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE. NO.

THERE'S A DANCE
COMING UP FRIDAY NIGHT,

AS YOU PROBABLY KNOW.

I ASK THIS GIRL TO GO WITH ME,

JUST A SIMPLE LITTLE DATE.

SHE SAID SHE'D CHECK.

WHAT IS THIS, SHE'LL CHECK?

LATER, SHE COMES AROUND,
SHE STARTS ASKING QUESTIONS.

DO I HAVE A CAR? AM I
GOING OUT FOR FOOTBALL?

CAN I DANCE? HOW AM I
AT MATH AND HISTORY?

DO I HAVE AN
IDENTIFICATION BRACELET?

AM I AN ACCEPTABLE?

WELL, I THOUGHT THE
FBI WAS CLOSING IN ON ME.

WHAT DO YOU WANT HER TO DO?

BLINDLY SAY YES, FOLLOW YOU,
INSTEAD OF ASKING, WHY, WHY?

THIS WAS JUST A LITTLE
DATE, A SIMPLE LITTLE DATE!

[plate breaks]

EXCUSE ME!

NEVER MIND, I'LL DO IT.

KATHY, GO GET A
BROOM AND A DUSTPAN.

HEY, WHAT HAPPENED? NOTHING.

WHO SORTED WHO?

WELL, I GUESS WE DIDN'T
GET VERY FAR TONIGHT.

LOOK, YOU GO AHEAD
WITH THE FRONT PAGE.

MAKE IT UP ALONG THE
GENERAL PLANS WE DISCUSSED

AND I'LL SEE YOU AFTER
SCHOOL TOMORROW.

GOOD NIGHT...

EVERYONE.

[canned laughter]

SO LONG, MR. BEAKMAN.

HELLO, WHAT PLAN?

WE DIDN'T DISCUSS ANY
PLAN, AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!

YOU HAD TO STICK
YOUR BIG NOSE IN.

WELL, SOMEBODY
HAD TO DO SOMETHING,

PIG-HEADED LITTLE QUEAK.

THAT HUEY-LY GOT TURNED
DOWN FOR ONE MEASLY LITTLE DATE,

AND NOW HE'S SORE
AT THE WHOLE WORLD.

DON'T YOU EVER INVITE
HIM OVER HERE AGAIN!

HEY, STOP! [canned laughter]

OH, UH, WILL YOU BE
LATE TONIGHT, BETTY?

OH NOT TOO.

WE'RE PROBABLY STOP SOMEPLACE
FOR A SODA OR SOMETHING

AFTER THE DANCE, I SUPPOSE.

WELL, HAVE A GOOD TIME,

IF THAT'S PERMISSIBLE
UNDER THE NEW RULES.

[canned laughter]

UH, WELL, HAVE A
GOOD TIME ANYWAY,

AND TRY NOT TO DANCE
WITH ALL THE BOYS THERE.

OH, NATURALLY, I WON'T.
I'LL ONLY DANCE WITH ROGER.

ONLY WITH...

YOU MEAN YOU'LL DANCE
EVERY DANCE WITH HIM?

WELL, NATURALLY.

WHY?

OH, THAT'S JUST WHAT YOU DO...

WHEN YOU GO STEADY, I MEAN.

HMM, WELL, ISN'T THAT
PRETTY, UH, "HUEY-LY"?

OH, FATHER, DON'T
TRY TO BE SO JUVENILE.

YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. NO.

[doorbell dings]

GEE, HE'S KIND OF EARLY.

OH? OH, HELLO, IS BUD AT HOME?

WOW, MAN, YOU LOOK WONDERFUL.

WELL, THANK YOU.

JUST WONDERFUL.

I GUESS YOU'RE GOING
TO THE DANCE, HUH?

YES, I AM. UH, BUD'S NOT HOME.

HE WENT TO A
CHURCH PARTY, I THINK.

OH, WELL, I JUST
WANTED TO GIVE HIM THIS.

IT'S A JOURNALISM BOOK.

I DON'T THINK I WAS MUCH HELP
WITH HIM ON HIS EDITORIAL WORK.

MAYBE HE'LL GET SOME
GOOD OUT OF THIS.

FINE, I'LL GIVE IT TO HIM.

OH, I... I BROUGHT
THIS ONE FOR YOU.

FOR ME? YES.

WHY?

[chuckles] THAT'S
A GOOD QUESTION.

I JUST THOUGHT YOU
MIGHT ENJOY READING IT.

IT'S EMERSON'S ESSAYS,
SOME PRETTY GOOD READING,

ESPECIALLY THE ONE
ON SELF-RELIANCE.

I DON'T CARE TO READ IT.

OKAY. OH, ONE MORE THING.
UH, DID ANYONE FIND MY WALLET?

I THINK I LEFT IT HERE
THE OTHER NIGHT.

OH, YES. I THINK MOTHER DID.

BUD WAS SUPPOSED
TO BRING IT TO YOU,

BUT, EVIDENTLY, HE
FORGOT, WAIT A MINUTE.

MOTHER, WHERE... OH.

KATHY, WOULD YOU
RUN UP AND ASK MOTHER

WHERE SHE PUT
MR. BEAKMAN'S WALLET?

OKAY.

IT'S NOT THE MONEY
I MIND LOSING,

BUT THE WALLET IS
GENUINE IMITATION PLASTIC.

[canned laughter]

WELL, IF YOU LIKE ME
TO LEAVE THIS AROUND,

MAYBE SOMETIME
LATER, YOU COULD, UH...

UH, NO, THANK YOU.

OH, I SEE YOU'RE HOOKED.

ROGER COLHOFF.

[canned laughter]

I'VE NEVER MET HIM,
BUT I CAN DESCRIBE HIM.

CLEAN-CUT, FLAT TOP,

WHITE PANTS AND SHOES,

DARK JACKET,

OH, THE BLUE SUIT COMES
LATER AT THE FORMAL AFFAIRS,

NARROW TIE,

AND HIS ONLY COMMENT
ON YOU WILL BE,

"SAY, YOU LOOK REAL NEAT."

YOU GOT EVERYTHING ALL
FIGURED OUT, DON'T YOU?

I DIDN'T FIGURE IT OUT.

THAT'S THE PRESCRIBED
FORM FOR STEADIES,

THE IN-CROWD RITUAL.

AFTER THE DANCE,

YOU'LL GO DOWN TO A PLACE
CALLED "THE CAMPUS CELLAR."

IT HAS TO BE THERE, IT
CAN'T BE ANYWHERE ELSE.

AND YOU'LL ORDER A
STRANGE KIND OF SANDWICH

CALLED A WAP
BURGER, THIS IS A MUST.

[door bell dings]

HI.

OH, HELLO, ROGER.

SAY, YOU LOOK REAL NEAT, KIDDO.

[canned laughter]

SAY, IF IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH
YOU, AFTER THE DANCE,

I SUGGEST WE STUMBLE
INTO THE CELLAR.

THEY HAVE SOME REAL
NEAT WAP BURGERS THERE.

[canned laughter]

OH, I... I'D LOVE IT.

OH, ROGER, THIS IS MR. BEAKMAN.

UH, MR. COALHOFF... UH, COLHOFF.

MR. BEAKMAN IS ONE
OF BUD'S TEACHERS.

HE'S TAKING SOME CLASSES
AT THE COLLEGE, TOO.

OH, THAT'S REAL NEAT.

GOOD TO SEE YOU, OLD MAN.

GOOD TO SEE YOU, OLD MAN.

[canned laughter]

WE BETTER GO, UH,
GOOD NIGHT, MOTHER.

GOOD NIGHT, FATHER, UM...

I'LL SEE YOU AROUND.

[canned laughter]

I DON'T BELIEVE I'VE
MET YOU, MR. BEAKMAN.

I'M BETTY'S FATHER.

OH, YES, HOW DO YOU DO?

AREN'T YOU GOING TO
THE DANCE TONIGHT?

UH, NO, I'M, UH, I'M AFRAID NOT.

WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD.

HERE IT IS.

WE HAD TO LOOK THROUGH

ALL OF TWO BUD'S CLOTHES
BEFORE WE COULD FIND IT.

OH, THANKS, I'M SORRY
TO BOTHER YOU SO MUCH.

WELL, UH, GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT.

HOW COULD IT BE A COLLEGE
BOY WEARING A SUIT LIKE DADDY'S?

DID BETTY LEAVE?

YES.

I'M SORRY YOU WEREN'T
DOWN HERE SOONER.

YOU MISSED AN
INTERESTING LITTLE DRAMA.

I DON'T THINK WE'VE SEEN
THE LAST ACT OF IT EITHER.

[clock ticking]

[slow music]

♪ ♪

WHAT'S THE... WHAT'S THE MATTER?

OH, NOTHING REALLY.

[grunts]

I'M SURE I HEARD BETTY
COME IN A WHILE AGO

BUT SHE HASN'T COME UPSTAIRS.

OH, THEY'RE PROBABLY DOWNSTAIRS

DISCUSSING WAP BURGERS.

NO, HE'S GONE.

I HEARD HIS CAR DRIVE AWAY,

BUT I HAVEN'T HAD A
SOUND OUT OF HER.

DEAR... HMM?

WHY DON'T YOU JUST RUN
DOWNSTAIRS AND CHECK?

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT NOW.

[canned laughter]

[comical music]

♪ ♪

[canned laughter]

BETTY?

♪ ♪

[light clicks on] BETTY,

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

OH, NOTHING, JUST SITTING.

THINKING, I GUESS.

IS ANYTHING WRONG?

OH, NO, NOTHING'S WRONG.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE ASLEEP.

HOW WAS THE DANCE?

OH, IT WAS REAL NEAT.

[canned laughter]

IT WAS VERY NICE.

ROGER'S A GOOD DANCER.

YOU KNOW, HE-HE'S
QUITE NICE ACTUALLY.

BETTY, YOU SEEMED
A LITTLE UNHAPPY.

OH, NO, I'M NOT UNHAPPY.

BUT YOU KNOW, I THINK I'D
FEEL BETTER IF I WAS UNHAPPY,

OR HAPPY, OR SAD, OR GAY...

OR SOMETHING.

COME ON, WE BETTER GO TO BED.

[classical music]

♪ ♪

[canned laughter]

WHAT ARE YOU READING?

WELL, IT'S...

IT'S JUST A BOOK
ON... ON DRESSMAKING.

[canned laughter]

I SEE.

HAVE YOU COME TO THE PART

WHERE THAT OLD DRESSMAKER
RALPH WALDO EMERSON SAYS THAT,

"WHO SO WOULD BE A MAN
MUST BE A NONCONFORMIST?"

OR THE PART WHERE HE SAYS,

"NOTHING IS SACRED BUT
THE INTEGRITY OF YOUR MIND.

"TRUST THYSELF.

IMITATION IS SUICIDE?"

YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAYS
ABOUT YOUR IN-CROWD

AND ABOUT THEIR FOOLISH
NOTIONS AND ALL THEIR UNUSUAL...

OH, LET'S KEEP OUR VOICE DOWN.

[canned laughter]

SORRY.

HE SAYS THAT SOCIETY IS
TRYING TO CONFORM ITS MEMBERS

INTO STIFLING... I COULD
LEARN TO HATE YOU.

NO, YOU DON'T.

YOU HATE WHATEVER
IT IS INSIDE OF YOU

THAT'S MAKING YOU FALL IN THE
TRAP AND FOLLOW YOUR CROWD.

YOU JUST THINK YOU HATE
ME BECAUSE I SAID OUT LOUD

THE THINGS YOU'RE
AFRAID TO SAY YOURSELF.

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?

PLEASE KEEP YOUR VOICES DOWN.

SORRY.

AM I RIGHT ABOUT THAT?

SO I AM RIGHT.

NO, YOU ARE NOT. NO?

WELL, THEN WHY ARE YOU
SO KNOTTED UP INSIDE?

OH, HERE COMES MR. ACCEPTABLE.

[canned laughter]

HERE'S YOUR CHANCE
TO REGAIN YOURSELF.

NOW DON'T GO WITH HIM.
WHATEVER HE WANTS, SAY NO.

WOULD THAT PLEASE YOU?

NO, DON'T DO IT FOR
ME. DO IT FOR YOURSELF.

PROVE SOMETHING TO YOURSELF.

YOU'RE NOT LIKE THAT PACK.

[footsteps approaching]

WELL, HEY, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING HERE, KIDDO?

IT'S TIME WE WERE
STUMBLING OVER THE CELLAR.

THE GANG'S ALL OVER THERE.

OH, HELLO, BEAKMAN,
GOOD TO SEE YOU, OLD MAN.

VERY GOOD TO SEE YOU, OLD MAN.

COME ON, KIDDO. LET'S AMBLE.

WELL, WHAT'S THE MATTER, KIDDO?

AREN'T YOU COMING?

YES, OF COURSE.

LET'S GO.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

PLEASE, LET'S...

KEEP OUR VOICES DOWN.

[canned laughter]

♪ ♪

[laughter]

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

OH, GEE.

WELL, WHY DON'T WE ALL
GO OVER TO MY HOUSE?

I HAVE SOME REAL NEW RECORDS,

AND WE COULD DANCE
AND EVERYTHING.

AND... OH, THERE'S
MILDRED CARTER.

WHO'S SHE WITH?

NOBODY. WELL, WHAT HAPPENED?

I THOUGHT SHE RATED PRETTY GOOD.

SHH-SHH-SHH. OH, HI, MILDRED.

OKAY, SO WHY IS SHE
STAGGING? WHAT HAPPENED?

OH, WELL, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE,

SHE PRACTICALLY
COMMITTED SUICIDE.

SHE HAD A DATE WITH
THAT PAD, THAT QUEAK,

FOR THAT DANCE FRIDAY NIGHT.

WELL, ACTUALLY, SHE
TURNED HIM DOWN,

BUT EVERYBODY SAW
HIM TALKING WITH HER,

AND SO THEY THOUGHT
THAT THEY WERE DATING.

SHE MIGHT AS WELL BE DEAD NOW.

WHO, UH... WHO'S THE GUY?

OH, YOU KNOW. OH,
WHAT'S HIS NAME?

THAT... THAT HUEY-LY.

OH. OH, YOU KNOW
BETTY, YOU'RE FRIEND.

"BEAK THE QUEAK."

[canned laughter] OH, BEAKMAN.

YOU SEE, KIDDO,

YOU OUGHT TO WATCH
BEING SEEN AROUND WITH HIM.

THIS ISN'T GOING TO
DO YOU ANY GOOD.

NOT THAT I MIND, BUT A GIRL HAS
TO BE CAREFUL WHO SHE'S GOING...

SHH. SPEAK OF THE DEVIL.

WHAT A PAD.

ARE YOU KIDDING, BETTY?
YOU WANNA WATCH...

WILL YOU LET ME OUT, PLEASE?
WHY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

WILL YOU LET ME OUT?

OKAY, BUT WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I JUST REMEMBERED I
HAVE ANOTHER DATE.

ANOTHER DATE? BUT YOU CAN'T...

WHY CAN'T I? OH, BETTY.

HERE...

YOU MIGHT AS WELL CHAIN
SOMEBODY ELSE UP WITH THIS.

OH, BETTY.

NO, WAIT A MINUTE. AND IF
YOU WALK OUT OF ME NOW...

WELL, YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE DEAD.

WELL, AT LEAST
IT'LL BE MY OWN IDEA.

HI.

YOU KNOW, I... I STILL HATE YOU

FOR BEING SO OUTRAGEOUSLY
RIGHT ABOUT ME,

BUT MAY I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

QUESTION?

WOULD YOU FEEL DOOMED AND
YOUR LIFE IN AN ABSOLUTE END

IF A GIRL QUEAK NAMED BETTY
ASKED YOU TO WALK HER HOME?

[canned laughter]

OH, YES, I CERTAINLY WOULD...

COMPLETELY DOOMED...

BUT WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO GO.

[canned laughter]

[chuckles]

GOOD TO HAVE SEEN YOU, OLD MAN.

[canned laughter]

[applause]

[theme music]