Father Knows Best (1954–1960): Season 3, Episode 1 - No Apron Strings - full transcript

♪ ♪

Narrator: ROBERT YOUNG

AND JANE WYATT.

[laughter]

WITH ELINOR DONAHUE, BILLY
GRAY, AND LAUREN CHAPIN...

IN FATHER KNOWS BEST.

WELL, YOU KNOW MARGARET,
YOU CAN'T IGNORE A THING LIKE THIS.

YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO
FACE UP TO THE FACT

THAT YOU HAVE A
BIRTHDAY COMING UP.

ALL RIGHT.

I JUST MEAN, LET'S
DON'T MAKE A BIG FUSS.



WELL, YOU HAVE TO HAVE A PARTY.

THAT'S TRADITIONAL. OH.

THAT'S THE ONLY TIME
KATHY GETS TO BUY YOU

CHOCOLATE-COVERED
CHERRIES, SO SHE CAN EAT THEM.

IT'S ALSO THE ONLY TIME THAT
ANYONE LET'S ME PLAY MY BANJO.

THAT'S WHAT I WAS
TRYING TO AVOID.

OH, GOOD MORNING.

YOU'RE EARLY.

DO YOU FEEL ALL RIGHT?

HAVE WE GOT ANY STEEL WOOL, MOM?

THERE SHOULD BE SOME THERE.

WHAT DO YOU WANT
WITH STEEL WOOL?

WELL, NO REASON.

[clangs] I'LL... I'LL
SEE YOU, MOM.



HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, YOU
HAVEN'T HAD BREAKFAST.

I HAVEN'T? WELL, I
WON'T HAVE TIME NOW.

WELL, JUST A MINUTE, BUD. YOU
GOT YOUR JACKET INSIDE OUT.

WHERE IS YOUR MIND THIS MORNING?

I... I... I'LL DO IT.

I'M GONNA BE A LITTLE
LATE AFTER SCHOOL.

OH.

WELL, DON'T BE TOO LATE

'CAUSE I WANT YOU TO
STOP BY THAT REPAIR SHOP

AND PICK UP MY ELECTRIC IRON.

HERE'S THE TICKET ON IT.

OKAY.

OH.

[canned laughter] I'LL
SEE YOU TONIGHT THEN.

[sighs]

WHY DO YOU SUPPOSE HE
WANTED THAT STEEL WOOL?

HEAVEN ONLY KNOWS.

JIM, DOES IT SEEM TO YOU

THAT BUD'S ACTING
AWFULLY STRANGE LATELY?

STRANGE?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW? [smirks]

ON HIM, THAT'S HARD TO TELL.

[canned laughter]

[laughs]

[door shuts]

♪ SINGING WALLY
WALLY DOODLE, ALL DAY ♪

♪ FARE THEE WELL
AH FARE THEE WELL ♪

[door shuts] ♪ FARE WELL... ♪

OH, THE YOUNG GENTLEMAN.

GOOD AFTERNOON, MR. AMALDI.

HELLO, HELLO.

SHE'S NOT HERE YET.

SHE'S LATE, SHE IS.

[chuckles]

YOUNG MAN, WHAT WOULD
YOU DO IF YOU WAS IN MY PLACE

AND YOU HAD A DAUGHTER WHO IS
LATE FOR WORK ALL THE TIME, HUH?

WOULD YOU TWIST
HER OVER YOUR KNEES

OR WOULD YOU GIVE
HER THE HAIL COLOMBUS?

GOSH, MR. AMALDI, I THINK
WITH A DAUGHTER LIKE GEORGIE,

YOU'D BE TAKING YOUR
LIFE IN YOUR HANDS

TO TRY EITHER ONE. [laughs]

HE KNOWS HER. HE KNOWS HER.

YEAH, I THINK SHE'S THE ONLY ONE

WHO'S TWISTING
THINGS AROUND HERE.

JUST LIKE HER MAMA,
BLESS HER SOUL.

YEAH, BUT I WANT TO
TELL YOU SOMETHING.

FOR A WOMAN TO
HAVE HER OWN MIND,

AH, THAT'S... THAT...
THAT... THAT AIN'T BAD.

YOU SEE, IF I WAS YOUNG

AND I WAS LOOKING OVER ALL
THE YOUNG LADIES HERE AND I...

PAPA! YOU TALK TOO MUCH.

PAPA TALK WHEN HE CAN.

NOW, GEORGIA YOU'RE LATE AGAIN.

WHO'S GONNA HELP
ME WITH THE STORE?

I HAD TO GO AROUND
BY THE LIBRARY.

I HAD TO TAKE SOME BOOKS BACK.

AH, BOOKS WE GOT,
EDUCATION WE GOT,

BUT THE GIRL WHO STAMPS THE
CANNED GOODS, WE AIN'T GOT!

PAPA, WE DON'T SAY, "AIN'T GOT."

I'LL MARK UP THE CANS RIGHT NOW.

COME ON, BUD.

WOULD WE SAY AIN'T
GOT WHEN WE NO GOT.

[canned laughter]

I'M SORRY TO BE SO LATE, BUD.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT, I... I
DIDN'T WAIT TOO LONG.

DID YOU... DID YOU BRING IT?

YEAH, I GOT IT.

OH.

OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

WELL, I... I SHINED IT
UP WITH STEEL WOOL.

[canned laughter]

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

Y... YOU KNOW WHAT
THIS MEANS, DON'T YOU?

♪ WELL ♪

IT MEANS OUR TROTH
IS PLIGHTED FOR KEEPS.

I KNOW.

♪ OH, I'M GOING TO LOUISIANA
FOR TO SEE MY SUSANNA ♪

♪ SINGING WALLY, WALLY
DOODLE ALL THE DAY ♪

PAPA, WILL YOU STOP
THAT SINGING THAT SONG.

HMM?

AND IT'S NOT WALLY, WALLY.

IT'S POLLY WALLY.

WELL, NOW, EXCUSE ME FOR LIVING.

[canned laughter]

♪ FARE THEE WELL ♪
[sighs]

♪ FARE THEE WELL FARE
THEE WELL MY FAIRY FAY ♪

WANNA HELP ME
STAMP UP SOME SOUP?

SURE, I DO.

AND... AND IN FACT,

NOW THAT YOU'RE
WEARING MY STUDY RING,

I GOT TO HELP YOU.

I'M GONNA TAKE CARE OF YOU NOW.

UM, BUD,

DO YOU SUPPOSE YOU'D...
YOU'D EVER BE ASHAMED OF ME?

ASHAMED OF YOU?

WHAT KIND OF CRAZY TALK IS THAT?

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

UM, YOU HAVE NEVER
TOLD YOUR MOTHER

ANYTHING ABOUT... US, HAVE YOU?

NO. YOU SAID YOU
DIDN'T WANT ME TO...

OH, MY GOSH! I JUST REMEMBERED.

I WAS SUPPOSED TO
DROP BY THE REPAIR SHOP

ON MY WAY HOME FROM SCHOOL
AND PICK UP AN IRON FOR MOM.

WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
GO RIGHT THIS MINUTE, DO YOU?

YEAH, OR... OR THE
SHOP WILL CLOSE.

A... AND SHE SAID SHE WANT
IT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

YOU UNDERSTAND, DON'T YOU?

OH, SURE. I UNDERSTAND.

UM, I... I GOT TO RUN.

SO I... I'LL SEE YOU.

WILL IT ALWAYS BE LIKE THIS?

LIKE WHAT?

GO HOME.

OH, OKAY, GEORGIA.

I... I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

BYE.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[door closes]

GO HOME, LITTLE BOY...

TO YOUR MOTHER.

HELLO, GEORGIA.

THIS IS BUD.

I JUST GOT HOME.

I... I HAD TO CALL
YOU 'CAUSE IT...

WELL, IT SEEMS LIKE I'VE BEEN
AWAY FROM YOU FOR SIX YEARS

INSTEAD OF JUST A FEW MINUTES.

[canned laughter]

HOW ARE YOU?

[canned laughter]

FINISHED MY IRONING?

I DIDN'T SAY I WAS GONNA IRON.

I JUST PICKED IT UP FOR MOM.

[canned laughter]

LISTEN, GEORGIA, I'LL LEAVE
EXTRA EARLY IN THE MORNING,

SO I'LL HAVE TIME TO
COME BY THE STORE

AND WALK YOU TO SCHOOL.

AND...

[canned laughter]

EH, WELL, UH, OKAY, BOY.

I'LL... I'LL SEE YOU
TOMORROW. SO LONG.

[canned laughter]

HI, DAD.

OH, HOW ARE YOU TONIGHT, BUD?

WHERE ARE YOUR SISTERS?

I DON'T KNOW. I
HAVEN'T SEEN THEM.

PROBABLY NOT HOME.

[canned laughter]

WHO'S GEORGIA?

HMM? WHO'S GEORGIA?

AH, WHAT DO YOU
MEAN WHO'S GEORGIA?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT DO I MEAN?

I JUST ASKED WHO GEORGIA IS.

GEORGIA WHO? GEORGIA WHO.

GEORGIA WHOEVER YOU WERE
TALKING TO ON THE PHONE.

OH. OH, THAT... THAT WAS GEORGE.

A FELLA?

WHAT ELSE?

DO YOU EVER HEARD OF A
GIRL BY THE NAME OF GEORGE?

NOT UNTIL NOW.

WHO IS THIS GEORGE?

I DON'T BELIEVE I
MET HIM, HAVE I?

NO, HE... HE... HE WORKS.

HE WORKS AFTER SCHOOL...
IN A GROCERY STORE.

OH, WHAT GROCERY STORE?

JUST... JUST A LITTLE
GROCERY STORE,

YOU... YOU NEVER HEARD OF IT.

WE DON'T TRADE THERE.

I... I GOT TO STUDY.

OH, LOOK, WHY DO YOU
HAVE TO WALK HIM TO SCHOOL?

CAN'T HE GET THERE BY HIMSELF?

[canned laughter]

HIS MOTHER WAS FRIGHTENED
BY A BROKEN COMPASS

AND HE HAS NO
SENSE OF DIRECTION.

[canned laughter]

DON'T TEASE HIM.

GIRLS ARE ENOUGH
TROUBLE AS IT IS.

NOW, DO THESE LOOK ANYTHING
LIKE A BIRTHDAY PRESENT?

OH, FATHER, APRONS.

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO?

KEEP MOTHER IN THE
KITCHEN ALL THE TIME?

CHAIN HER THERE?

THOUGHT THAT THESE
WERE KIND OF PRETTY.

WELL, THEY ARE, BUT YOU
SHOULD GIVE HER SOMETHING...

OH, I DON'T KNOW, FRIVOLOUS!

OH, LET BUD GIVE HER THESE.
THESE ARE ABOUT HIS SPEED.

♪ OH, I'M GOING DOWN
SOUTH FOR TO SEE MY... ♪

LOOK, GEORGIA,
DON'T BE MAD AT ME.

I-I COULDN'T HELP IT IF I HAD
TO RUN ANOTHER ERRAND

FOR MY MOM THIS MORNING.

AND IF YOU COULD JUST
WAITED ANOTHER FIVE MINUTES,

I COULD HAVE WALKED
YOU TO SCHOOL,

BUT YOU WERE GONE.

I SAID I DIDN'T WANT TO
TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE.

♪ AND HIS SPUNKY GAL ♪

PAPA!

I WON'T TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE
IF YOU'LL STOP BEING MAD.

OH, I'M NOT MAD.

IT'S JUST THAT EVERY TIME
WE PLAN TO DO SOMETHING,

IT-IT SEEMS LIKE YOUR MOTH...

OH, JUST FORGET IT.

OH, NO, I THINK WE OUGHT
TO GET THIS SETTLED.

BUD, COULD WE GO
SOME PLACE SOME TIME?

I MEAN, REALLY GO SOME PLACE?

YOU KNOW, A DATE. SURE.

SOME ALONE-ISH KIND OF
PLACE WHERE WE COULD,

WE COULD SAIL AROUND AND
AROUND IN A WORLD ALL OUR OWN.

WHY DON'T WE GO TO
THE ROLLER SKATING RINK?

[canned laughter] OH, NO.

I MEAN, UH...

[bell rings] WELL,
I KNOW A PLACE.

OH, IT'S A WONDERFUL
PLACE WHERE WE CAN...

FLOAT ALONG WITH THE STARS.

GEORGIA, MRS. SMITH WANTS
TO KNOW HOW MUCH IS HER BILL.

AND HOW COME YOU CHARGE HER
FOR THE BANANA-SQUASH SHE NO GOT?

LOOK AT THE BOOK. THAT
TELLS HOW MUCH SHE OWES.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
THE BANANA-SQUASH.

YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO DELIVER THAT.

[canned laughter] OH, OKAY.

BUD, LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT
THIS WONDERFUL PLACE.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN
TO THE PLANETARIUM?

PLANETARIUM?

OH, IT'S SO WONDERFUL.

YOU SIT DOWN IN THIS ROOM
WITH THE BIG ROUND CEILING.

AND THEN THIS ASTRONOMER
WITH A NICE VOICE STARTS TALKING

AND THE LIGHTS DIE DOWN

AND THE CEILING BECOMES THE SKY,

WITH ALL THE STARS AND THE MOON.

AND THIS WONDERFUL MUSIC
COMES OUT OF NOWHERE.

AND IT ALL SEEMS
SO BIG AND SO VAST.

AND YOU SEEM SO SMALL,

BUT YET IT MAKES YOU
FEEL IMPORTANT TOO

AND SIGNIFICANT.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT
I'M TRYING TO SAY?

YEAH.

YEAH, I THINK SO.

THEY CAN TAKE YOU ANYWHERE.

TO THE NORTH POLE

OR THE SOUTH POLE.

AND WE COULD GO TO
THESE PLACES TOGETHER.

NO FAMILIES, JUST US.

YEAH, WHEN DO THEY
HAVE THESE, EVERY NIGHT?

NO, JUST TWICE A MONTH.

BUT THERE'S ONE
THIS FRIDAY NIGHT.

OH, COULD WE GO, BUD?
COULD WE REALLY GO?

I MEAN, WILL YOUR MOTHER
LET YOU OUT FRIDAY NIGHT?

ARE YOU CRAZY? SHE'S GOT
NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS.

I'LL BE THERE IF I HAVE
TO CRAWL BAREFOOTED

OVER BURNING BOARDS
FULL OF RUSTY NAILS.

[canned laughter]

[door slams]

GEORGIA, CUSTOMER!

[canned laughter] COMING, PAPA.

OH, MY GOSH!

WHAT'S SHE DOING WAY OVER HERE?

[canned laughter]

DON'T LET HER KNOW I'M HERE.
I'LL NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT.

MAY I HELP YOU?

YES, I WAS TIRED OF LOOKING
FOR MY BROTHER BUD.

ONE OF MY FRIENDS SAID
HE SAW HIM COME IN HERE.

HE SAID IT LOOKED LIKE HE
WAS WORKING HERE, IS HE?

UH...

B-BUD, BUD WHO? ANDERSON?

[canned laughter]
OH, WELL, UM...

OH, Y... YOUR FRIEND
MUST HAVE MADE A MISTAKE.

OH, WELL, I WAS
JUST GONNA ASK HIM

IF HE KNEW WHERE I COULD GET
SOME CHOCOLATE-COVERED CHERRIES.

OUR MARKET DOESN'T HAVE ANY.

NEITHER DOES THE DRUG STORE.

DO YOU HAVE ANY?

UH, NO.

WHAT'S IN THAT BOX?

PEANUT CLUSTERS.

OH, WELL, THAT WOULDN'T
BE GOOD ENOUGH.

YOU SEE, THIS IS FOR MY
MOTHER'S BIRTHDAY FRIDAY NIGHT,

AND I HAVE TO GET HER
SOMETHING EXTRA NICE.

FRI... YOU... YOU SAY
YOUR MOTHER'S BIRTHDAY

IS FRIDAY NIGHT?

UH-HUH.

THIS FRIDAY?

UH-HUH. THANKS, ANYWAY!

[door closes]

THIS ONE IS FRESH, BELIEVE ME.

BUD, SHE'S GONE.

BUD, O... OUR DATE FOR FRIDAY,
THAT STILL GOES, DOESN'T IT?

NO MATTER WHAT?

OH, SURE, SURE.

THAT'S A PROMISE?

WE'LL GO NO MATTER WHAT?

WON'T WE?

UH, WELL, DON'T GET WORRIED,

AND NOTHING WILL STOP ME
FROM GOING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

[sighs]

[canned laughter]

[chuckles] I'M SURE YOUR MOTHER

IS GOING TO BE
VERY HAPPY TO GET...

WELL, THIS LOOKS LIKE IT
HAS BEEN OPENED ALREADY.

OH, KATHY, HAVE YOU
BEEN SAMPLING THOSE?

WELL, I HAD TO MAKE SURE THEY
WERE GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER.

[chuckles] I'M ASHAMED OF YOU.

WELL, I DON'T THINK SHE'LL MIND.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T
LIKE THIS KIND ANYWAY.

[canned laughter]

HEY, BUD, LOOK AT THIS!

WHAT YOU SAY, SQUEEGEE?

LOOK AT THIS!

OH, NO, THANKS, I
DON'T WANT ANY.

THEY'RE NOT FOR YOU,
THEY'RE FOR MOMMY'S BIRTHDAY.

THAT'S RIGHT.

SHE DOES HAVE HER BIRTHDAY
COMING UP, DIDN'T SHE?

HMM, I'LL HAVE TO
GET HER SOMETHING.

WHEN IS IT, HUH?

OH, DON'T YOU KNOW?

FINE SON, YOU ARE,
IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT.

HMM, WELL, I'LL LOOK
AROUND TOMORROW,

AND SEE IF I CAN
FIND HER SOMETHING.

FRIDAY.

DID YOU SAY FRIDAY NIGHT?

YES, AND THE PARTY
IS ALL PLANNED!

BETTY LIGHTS THE CANDLES,
AND YOU CARRY IN THE CAKE,

AND I'LL HAND
MOMMY THE PRESENTS.

OH, AND, YES, THIS YEAR, WE
SING HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOLO.

THAT MEANS WITHOUT
DADDY'S BANJO.

I HAVEN'T FULLY AGREED TO
GIVING UP MY BANJO SOLO YET.

IT'S REALLY THE MOST TOUCHING
PART OF THE WHOLE CEREMONY.

OH, NO, FATHER!
IT'S OUT DEFINITELY!

OH, DID YOU KNOW YOU
WERE GIVING MOTHER APRONS?

APRONS?

WILL THERE BE ANY
POSSIBLE CHANCE

OF BREAKING UP THIS
LITTLE GROUP LONG ENOUGH

TO GIVE ME A LITTLE
HELP WITH THE DINNER?

I'LL BE RIGHT OUT IN A SECOND.

SAY, MOM. YES, BUD?

MOM, ABOUT YOUR
BIRTHDAY FRIDAY...

I... I GOT KIND OF A PROBLEM.

OH, NOW, IF YOU'RE WORRYING
ABOUT GETTING ME A PRESENT,

FORGET IT.

I DON'T WANT ANY PRESENTS.

ALL I WANT IS JUST
TO HAVE YOU AROUND,

AND TO KNOW THAT YOU
CARE ENOUGH ABOUT ME,

TO WANNA BE WITH
ME ON MY BIRTHDAY.

A MOTHER CAN'T ASK FOR A
NICER PRESENT THAN THAT.

COME ON, GIRLS.

[chuckles]

[sobs]

WELL, I CAN SEE YOU'RE
GONNA BE THE LIFE

OF MOTHER'S BIRTHDAY
PARTY TONIGHT.

HMM?

YOU'RE REHEARSING
A SCENE FROM HAMLET.

[canned laughter] NO.

WAIT A MINUTE, BETTY.

A... A FRIEND OF MINE
HAS TO GO SOME PLACE

ON THE SAME NIGHT AS
HIS MOTHER'S BIRTHDAY.

[telephone rings] NOW HOW CUT UP

DO YOU THINK SHE'D BE? WHY, BUD,

YOU CAN'T GO ANYWHERE TONIGHT.

[canned laughter] I
DIDN'T SAY IT WAS ME.

BUD, TELEPHONE, BUD.

COMING, DAD.

I'M SURE OF IT, BUT
I THINK IT'S GEORGE.

HIS, UH, VOICE SEEMS
TO BE CHANGING.

[canned laughter]

HELLO?

UM, I'M SORRY TO HAVE TO
CALL YOU AT HOME LIKE THIS,

BUT... WELL, I HAD TO.

I KEEP HAVING THE HORRIBLE
FEELING THAT YOU'RE NOT COMING.

IS THAT TRUE?

NO, I... I'LL BE THERE.

I JUST GOT HUNG UP A LITTLE BIT.

I... I'LL BE RIGHT OVER.

WELL, OKAY.

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING
SO WORRIED ABOUT, HMM?

OH, MOM, I'VE GOT A GREAT IDEA.

GREAT IDEA.

WHY DON'T YOU AND DAD
SNEAK OUT TO ONE OF THOSE

REAL FANCY RESTAURANTS
AND THEN GO TO A MOVIE

AND HAVE A BALL WITHOUT
US KIDS HANGING AROUND.

YOU MUST GET AWFULLY SICK

SPENDING ALL YOUR
BIRTHDAYS WITH US.

[canned laughter]
I'LL GET YOUR COAT.

HEY, DAD! WAIT A MINUTE.

I DON'T WANNA GO OUT.

WHY, THAT WOULDN'T BE ANY
FUN, NOT WITHOUT ALL OF YOU.

AND BESIDES, DINNER
IS ALMOST READY.

MOM, I GOT TO TALK TO YOU.
OH, ALL RIGHT, WHAT IS IT?

MOMMY, MOMMY, I THINK
THE MEAT IS BURNING!

COME ON! OH!

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

BUD!

BUD, COULD YOU HELP ME
OPEN THIS JAR OF PICKLES?

♪ ♪

PICKLES.

UH.

GEORGIA, GEORGIA, MY LITTLE ONE.

NOW, MAYBE HE'S A LITTLE LATE.

WELL, EVERYBODY CAN BE
A LITTLE LATE MORE OR LESS.

HE'S NOT COMING AT ALL.

YOU KNOW THAT AS WELL AS I DO.

[chuckles] I DO NOT KNOW IT.

HE SHOULD HAVE HAD
MORE SENSE TO BEGIN WITH.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN
IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE.

I'M SO STUPID!

WELL, WHAT'S IMPOSSIBLE?

NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE.

THIS IS.

I KNEW HE COULD NEVER BREAK
LOOSE FROM THOSE APRON STRINGS,

AND WHY SHOULD HE?

WE'RE AS FAR APART AS...

THE SOUTH POLE.

OH, CAN'T YOU SEE IT?

IT'S A MILLION MILES FROM
THAT FINE HOUSE OF HIS TO THIS...

THIS CRACKER BOX
OF A GROCERY STORE.

DOES HIS FINE HOUSE KEEP
ANYMORE RAIN OFF OF HIM

AS THIS CRACKER BOX DOES YOU?

AND...

DOES HIS PAPA LOVE
HIM ANYMORE THAN...

I DON'T WANT HIM.

I DON'T WANT THEM.

THEY CAN HAVE HIM.

NOW, LISTEN, WHY
DON'T YOU DO ONE THING?

WHY DON'T YOU CALL
HIM UP? CALL HIM UP?

PAPA, ARE YOU CRAZY? A LITTLE.

CRAZY ENOUGH NOT TO LET
THAT LITTLE PUNK OF A KID

FROM THE-THE FANCY SIDE OF
THE TRACKS COME AND HURT YOU.

NOW, LISTEN, IF YOU ARE
NOT GOING TO CALL HIM, I WILL!

PAPA, DON'T YOU DARE!

I'D DIE. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

FOR THAT LITTLE BIT OF
A PUNK OF A KID, YOU...

[telephone rings]

AH.

[canned laughter]

MR. AMANTI SPEAKING?

YES, MRS. SMITH, WHAT'S
THE TROUBLE NOW?

[canned laughter]

MRS. SMITH, WE HAVE ALL...
ALL THOSE BOOKS DOWNSTAIRS.

THEY'RE ALL LOCKED UP.

[dramatic music]

ALL RIGHT, IF YOU
SAY THAT WE HAVE...

♪ ♪

BANANA-SQUASH COMING,
YOU GOT ONE COMING.

♪ ♪

YEAH, YEAH, I... I'M GONNA RUN
YOU OVER A NICE BANANA-SQUASH,

UH, H... HANDPICKED. YEAH.

OH, NO TROUBLE
AT ALL, MRS. SMITH.

OKAY, OKAY.

♪ ♪

I'M GOING TO DELIVER A
BANANA-SQUASH TO MRS. SMITH.

TONIGHT? YES, TONIGHT.

YOU SEE, MRS. SMITH,
SHE'S GOT TROUBLE TOO.

NOW, I'LL BE BACK IN TWO
SECONDS, MAYBE LESS.

OH!

[canned laughter]

UH...

LOOK, UH, THIS IS JUST
BETWEEN US MEN, HUH?

I KNOW I PROMISED
NOT TO PLAY THIS THING,

BUT, WELL, JUST IN CASE
SOMEONE DOES ASK ME TO PLAY,

IT SHOULD BE
HANDY. [canned laughter]

COME ON! COME ON, EVERYBODY,
THE BIRTHDAY DINNER'S ON.

GET YOUR PRESENT, BUD.

COME ON IN, EVERYONE.

HERE WE GO, HERE
WE GO, HERE WE GO.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, BUD,
AREN'T YOU COMING IN?

MOM...

I... I CAN'T STAY.

[dramatic music]

WHAT?

I HAVE TO LEAVE RIGHT
NOW. I HAVE A DATE.

TONIGHT?

YES, SIR.

I... I MADE IT BEFORE I
REMEMBERED IT WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY.

I... I PROMISED HER.

I'VE GOTTA DO THIS,
MOM. I'M LATE NOW.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

I... WELL, IT'S... IT'S NOT
THAT I DON'T LOVE YOU

OR... OR DON'T WANNA BE HERE.

WELL, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES,

WHY DIDN'T YOU
SAY YOU HAD A DATE?

WELL, IF YOU'RE LATE,
YOU BETTER HURRY.

YOU MEAN...

YOU... YOU DON'T MIND?

IT'S OKAY IF I GO?

OH, WHY, CERTAINLY.

I'M ASHAMED OF YOU
FOR KEEPING HER WAITING.

MOM.

HA... HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER, DAD.

[door clicks open, closes]

WELL, I DON'T KNOW, I
STILL THINK A BOY SHOULD...

NO, HE SHOULDN'T.

WE CAN'T TIE THEM HERE.

WELL, THEY HAVE THEIR
OWN LIVES TO LEAD.

WELL, I KNOW SOMETHING
ELSE THEY HAVE...

A MOTHER BETTER
THAN ANYONE DESERVES.

OH. [chuckles]

[doorbell dings]

♪ ♪

[knocking on the door]

HI.

[sighs]

I... I KNOW I'M LATE,
GEORGIA, BUT I'M HERE.

DO YOU THINK WE STILL HAVE
TIME TO MAKE IT TO THAT THING,

THAT SOUTH POLE DEAL?

OH. [sighs]

WELL, YES, I THINK SO...

GOSH, I... I DIDN'T THINK
YOU WERE COMING.

W... W... WELL, JUST GIVE ME
HALF A SECOND TO GET FIXED UP.

SURE.

SO, WHAT'S YOUR DAD
DOING OVER AT OUR PLACE?

WHAT?

AT YOUR PLACE?

YEAH, WHEN I RAN DOWN THE
WALK, I SAW HIS TRUCK PULL UP.

I DIDN'T WANNA TAKE THE TIME
TO ASK WHAT HE WAS DOING.

OH, UH, HE... HE COULDN'T HAVE
BEEN DELIVERING GROCERIES

'CAUSE WE DON'T
TRADE AT YOUR STORE.

OH, NO.

OH, WHY DID HE DO IT?

DO WHAT?

OH, THIS IS AWFUL.

HE'LL RUIN EVERYTHING!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN
"RUIN EVERYTHING"?

OH, STOP IT.

LOOK AT THIS PLACE.

ABOVE A GROCERY STORE.

THEN LOOK AT YOUR HOUSE.

OH, DON'T YOU
UNDERSTAND ANYTHING?

I... I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE DRIVING AT.

[sighs] WELL, IT
DOESN'T MATTER NOW.

WE'RE FINISHED ANYWAY.

COME ON, WE GOTTA
GET PAPA OUT OF THERE

BEFORE HE DOODLES
EVERYTHING UP WORSE THAN IT IS.

NOW, LISTEN, YOU GO AHEAD
AND TELL PAPA I'M OUT HERE,

AND I WANT HIM TO TAKE
ME HOME RIGHT AWAY.

WELL, AREN'T YOU GOING IN?

ME? ARE YOU CRAZY?

OH, GO ON, BUD.

[banjo playing]

OKAY, KATHY, NEXT VERSE.

TAKE IT.

♪ OH, MY SAL SHE
AM A MAIDEN FAIR ♪

♪ SING POLLY WOLLY
DOODLE ALL DAY ♪

♪ WITH CURLY EYES
AND LAUGHING HAIR ♪

♪ SINGING POLLY
WOLLY DOODLE ALL DAY! ♪

[laughter]

COME ON IN, I WANNA
SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

OH, NO, NO.

COME ON. NO.

[banjo playing]

♪ FARE THEE WELL
FARE THEE WELL ♪

♪ FARE THEE WELL MY FAIRY FAY ♪

♪ FOR I'M GOING TO LOU'SIANA
FOR TO SEE MY SUSYANNA ♪

♪ SINGING POLLY
WOLLY DOODLE... ♪

HI THERE, COME ON
IN, JOIN THE CHORUS.

JUST COME ON IN, WE'RE
HAVING A WONDERFUL PARTY.

COME ON.

OH, YOU MUST BE GEORGIA.

I'M SO GLAD YOU DECIDED
TO COME OVER HERE.

COME ON IN AND MEET EVERYONE.

THIS IS KATHY. HI.

AND THIS IS BETTY. HI THERE.

AND THE FELLOW WITH THE BANJO,

I HATE TO SAY, IS MY HUSBAND.

PLAYING AN ALL REQUEST
PROGRAM THIS EVENING.

YOUR FATHER IS OUR STAR OF...

WHAT ARE YOU, MR. AMALDI?

MEZZ0 PROFONDO BARRIDO

[canned laughter]

HEY, YOU KNOW, IT'S
NOT WALLY, WALLY.

IT'S POLLY WOLLY.

WE HAD IT WRONG.

[shrieks]

SAY, NOW THAT WE'RE
ALL HERE, KATHY,

WHY DON'T WE LET MOTHER
OPEN HER PRESENTS?

COME ON, LET'S GET
THEM. GO, GO, FINE.

OH, I THINK GEORGIA
AND I BETTER BE GOING.

OH, NO. NO, WE WANT TO STAY.

WE DO?

OH, YES.

YES, IT... IT'S
AWFULLY NICE HERE.

HERE, OPEN MY PRESENT!
LET ME, I'M HUNGRY FOR HER.

[laughter] OH, WHAT
HAPPENED TO OUR FRIEND?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW. HE WAS
HERE A FEW MINUTES AGO.

[door closes]

[funny music]

[canned laughter]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO A FINE
LADY FROM MR. PIETRO AMALDI.

[canned laughter]

OH! [laughs]

HOW WONDERFUL, A BANANA-SQUASH.

YOU KNOW, THAT... JUST
WHAT I'VE BEEN WISHING FOR.

[laughter]

[applause]

[theme music]