Father Knows Best (1954–1960): Season 1, Episode 6 - Grandpa Jim's Rejuvenation - full transcript

Robert Young...

and Jane Wyatt.

With Elinor Donahue,

Billy Gray, and Lauren Chapin...

Jim! What in the
world are you doing?

Found them!

What are those for?

We're playing badminton
at the Phillips' tonight.

Oh, you better get
your gin bloomers.

My what?

I haven't done this since I won



all those athletic
trophies at college.

Athletic trophies.

You won a loving cup at
a poetry contest, that's all.

Well, it was sort of an
athletic poem, Margaret.

I think it was called "Benny
at the Bat" or something.

Anyway, they said 8:00.

Boy, I'm raring to go!

Wham!

Dear, are you really
serious about this?

About what?

Well, playing badminton.

After all these years?

Margaret, you make us sound

like a couple of
old fuddy duddies.



Remember, you're
only as old as you feel.

You're just as young
as the day I married you.

Nothing.

What a shame to waste
such talent at badminton.

Hey, Dad, can I...

Criminy! What's that?

What's what?

That thing you're wearing.

This thing happens to be
my alma mater sweater,

and I'll thank you to show
it a little more respect.

Oh, you had to be a great athlete
to win one of these letters, Bud.

I thought you won
it in a poetry contest.

If you and Betty want to get
to Evelyn Burkett's wedding

on time, you better
get a move on.

Can I borrow your old razor?

Yeah, it's in the... My what?

A razor, a brush,
some shaving cream,

aftershave lotion, band-aid.

Are you serious?

Still think I'm a kid, ay, Dad?

Well, I do think you're
rushing the season a little bit.

Well, I'm going to be
an usher tonight, Dad.

There's nothing more icky
than a fuzz-faced usher.

Except maybe a scar-faced one.

I've got a steady hand.

Look, son, let
me give you a tip.

Cling to your youth!

Time has a habit
of moving forward,

never backward,
never motionless.

Stay with it as long
as you can, okay?

Okay.

Now can I?

Can you what? Use your razor.

It's in the medicine cabinet.

Thanks, governor.

Oh, Dad? Huh?

Is it true you're going to
play badminton tonight?

Yup! The old athlete relives
the triumphs of his youth.

Well, take it easy.

Remember, you're my only father.

Father, if you don't tell that
lame-brained son of yours to...

What's that?

What's what?

Well, that!

Oh, my alma mater sweater.

Well, they told me about it,

but I didn't know
it looked like that.

Like what?

Well, like what they
wore in the olden times.

Betty, that was
only 20 years ago.

Well, we use the same
letters today anyway.

Did I tell you how
I won this letter?

Squash.

I thought squash
was a vegetable.

Ah, they don't play squash
the way they used to anymore.

They don't do a lot of
things the way they used to.

They don't give
letters for poetry, either.

For poetry I got a loving cup.

This I got for squash.

Now get going, Princess.

You and Bud will be
late for the wedding.

Of course, I'll be late.

I can't get into the shower

because your son is in
the bathroom shaving.

Of all the ridiculous things.

Your brother's growing up.

He's no longer a
beardless youth.

Oh, Father, I've seen
more fuzz on peaches.

Betty, this is no joking matter.

Time has a habit of...
Run along, Princess.

He'll be out of
there in a jiffy.

This house stifles me.

When I get married,

I'm going to have
three bathrooms.

Three for just the two of you?

Well, there won't always
be just two of us, Father.

Mother tells me you're
going to play badminton.

You've got to be kidding.

Kidding?

I never was more
serious in my life.

What's wrong with
playing badminton?

Nothing, Father.

But I've grown so fond of you,

I wouldn't want
anything to happen.

Why do they keep saying that?

I'm as young as I
have a mind to be.

If badminton comes,
can squash be far behind?

I'm the same man
I was 20 years ago,

only keener, quicker, wiser.

Wiser?

Then why am I playing
badminton at my age?

Where did you get
that crazy sweater?

I didn't hear you
come in, Kitten.

Does a space
helmet go with that?

Kathy, you, too?

What are you
supposed to be, Daddy?

A doddering, antiquated
shadow of my former self.

Huh?

Never mind.

So you're going over
to Patty's house tonight.

My little girl is
really growing up.

I know it.

But you're still Daddy's
little girl, aren't you?

Right now I am.

But you know how kids are.

They grow like weeds.

I know.

But remember, no
matter how big you are,

you'll always be my little girl.

Okay.

If that's the way you want it.

Yeah. That's the way I want it.

Jim? Yes, dear?

I have a special
delivery letter for you.

I'll be right down!

Jim!

What are you trying to do?

Funny thing, the old legs
aren't what they used to be.

I could have told you that.

What do you know about old legs?

I have a pair of them myself.

They cave in on me
at the end of a long day.

It's from Eddie Gilbert.

Eddie Gilbert.

I haven't seen old
Eddie since high school.

I wonder what he's
up to these days.

Ho ho, what a guy.

I remember he had
more energy than sense.

Oh, he says he's going to
be in Springfield tomorrow.

He might stop by. Oh, good.

He's been having
a little bit of trouble

with rheumatism lately.

I can't imagine anything
like that catching up

with an active guy like Eddie.

Well, of course he's not
as young as he used to be.

What do you mean,
he's no older than I am.

In fact, he's a year younger.

Younger and rheumatism?

Well, that's the way it is

when those years
start to come up on you.

Oh, dear, what a shame.

Poor old Eddie.

Here we are talking
about badminton.

Oh, which reminds
me, I'm not ready.

Margaret, are you
sure you feel up to this?

Well, yes, I think so.

Well, don't you?

Well, yes, I... I think so.

I'm just thinking
about you, dear.

Oh, don't worry about me, dear.

I'll manage. Oh.

Now, a sweater and a skirt
should be right, shouldn't it?

Don't you want to hear
the rest of the letter?

All right.

It's been a long time
since I've seen old Eddie.

He's a grandfather.

He is?

He has three grandchildren. Aw.

Why that just can't be!

Why not?

He once told me
he had a daughter

a year or two older than Betty.

The kids call him Gramps.

This I just can't believe.

Mother, my zipper's
stuck, will you help me?

Gramps.

Margaret, he's a year
younger than I am.

I know, you said so dear.

Who is, Mother?

Oh, an old school
chum of your father's.

Gramps.

There, now let's
see how you look.

You look lovely, dear.

Doesn't she, Jim?

What?

Where did you get that dress?

I'm going to be a bridesmaid
at Evelyn's wedding.

Why did you ever buy
anything as matronly as that?

Matronly?

It's too old for her.

Betty, put something else on.

Father.

But, Jim, all the bridesmaids
are dressed exactly alike.

But all the
bridesmaids aren't 17.

What does that
got to do with it?

Well, in that dress she could
be going to her own wedding.

Oh, Jim.

Ever since that
silly letter arrived...

Oh, that has
nothing to do with it.

Father, Evelyn's one
of my best friends.

It's an honor to
be a bridesmaid.

Now don't cry, darling.

You're going and in that dress.

Put some powder on your nose.

You're not the one that's
supposed to cry at weddings.

Well, and what are
you made up for?

What? Oh, I'm an usher.

You look wonderful, dear.

Just fine.

Thanks, Mom.

What's wrong with the blue suit?

Oh, I couldn't wear that.

Besides, all the fela's are
going to be dressed like this.

It's the latest
thing in college.

College?

That's right, you'll be in
college in three more years.

Two and a half.

What's wrong with Dad?

Nothing much.

Just a slight attack of time.

Here, let me fix your tie.

I'm ready.

What's the matter with Daddy?

Daddy's thinking, darling.

Father, are you all right?

Gramps.

Huh?

What are you all staring at?

I was just about to
ask you that question.

Oh, creepers, look what
time it's getting to be.

Ooh, hurry, you'll be late.

You gotta drop me off
at Patty's house first!

Have a wonderful time! Wait!

My little brood.

My family.

It's so nice to see you all
leaving together this way.

Someday soon you'll be
going your separate ways

and we'll get together
only on important holidays.

Margaret, our children
are really growing up.

Criminy, I should hope so.

Father, we're
excruciatingly late.

Patty's waiting.

Run along, children.

Bye!

Bye.

Good-bye!

Well. What brought that on?

Nothing, I...

Well, it isn't easy to watch
your children growing up.

It isn't easy, but it's nice.

It's sad.

It is not. Yes, it is.

Any day now, Betty will be
getting married and flying away.

Bud will be married
before we know it.

He'll fly away.

Next Kathy will be flying away.

Who's left?

Just us old buzzards.

Heavens, it's nearly 8:00.

I'm not dressed.
You're not shaved.

What for?

Well badminton, remember?

Oh, do you think we
should at our age?

I certainly do.

Now come on up and get shaved.

Margaret, wait!

Jim, it's late.

Honey, do I look like a man

upon whom time
has taken its toll?

You look just as young
as the man I knew

who won a poetry
contest 20 years ago.

Margaret, I... I have
a confession to make.

You cheated at
the poetry contest?

It's just that I wasn't
really very good at squash.

I knew it. You never fooled me.

Maybe you better
call the Phillips,

tell them something came up,

we can't make it. Can't make it?

My fire is burning low.

Oh, not Jumping Jim,
the badminton, boy.

I'm a little tired, Margaret,

I think I'll go to bed.

At 8:00?

Oh no, Jim, for heaven's sake.

Margaret, would you please
get me a hot water bottle?

When did you get in?

Yesterday.

I'm a grandfather, you know?

You look it.

Guess how old I am.

You're a year younger than I.

Correct.

But you look old
enough to be my father.

Correct.

Pretty warm in here.

Ever play squash?

Played it and ate it.

Never played it, always ate it.

Did you like it?

Hate it.

How's your rheumatism, Eddie?

How dare you!

No one ever accused
me of rheumatism

and got away with it.

I challenge you.

Stop!

How dare you take
advantage of an old man?

He's a year younger than I am!

Don't change the subject.

How many times have I
told you not to play with him?

At my age, I can't be choosy.

I can beat him at
squash too, I bet you.

I bet you can't
beat him at poetry.

Yeah, I challenge you to poetry!

Now, Grandfather, I don't
want you overexerting yourself.

Poetry at your age, gramps?

Granddaddy, if you're
going to recite poetry,

you better have a nap.

They're right, Grandpa Jim.

Grandpa Jim?

He's a year younger than I am.

Ha ha!

Yeah, but you've got rheumatism!

Don't worry, it won't be
long and you'll have it, too.

I will not! You will so!

I will not! You will so!

Margaret?

You will so.

Not if I take good
care of myself.

I'll keep my feet dry.

I'll stay out of
drafts, dress warmly.

I'll lick this thing, I will!

It's inevitable!

Old age and rheumatism,

they go together
like ham and eggs.

I won't accept it!

I won't! I won't!

I'll never grow old.

Never! Never!

I'll never grow old. Never!

Jim, please!

Jim, wake up!

You should have seen yourself.

You called me an old man!

Oh, you were dreaming.

Now get dressed and
we'll have some breakfast.

No, Margaret, please.

What's the matter?

I have to take care of myself.

Could I...

Could I have breakfast
in bed this morning?

I think this has
gone far enough, Jim.

Well, you're beginning
to sound a little ridiculous.

Please, Margaret. I need all
the sympathy you can muster.

And to think that only yesterday

you were going
like a blast furnace.

Squash, badminton...

That was yesterday, honey.

I'm considerably
older this morning.

It must have been a long night.

All right, I'll bring
you your breakfast.

Father! Look.

The bridal bouquet.

Where did you get that?

Last night.

I caught it.

You know what that
means, don't you?

Eh, what?

That I'll be the next bride.

Betty, you're only 17!

Besides, that's a
ridiculous superstition.

Lots of girls get married at 17.

With their parents'
consent, of course.

Oh, Father, I
wish you'd seen it.

It was so wonderful.

All the flowers and
the beautiful dresses.

Everybody was so solemn.

♪ Here comes the bride ♪

♪ Hmm hmm mmm hmm ♪

Betty, stop it!

What's going on?

Father's sick.

It's that badminton.

Those games aren't
for men your age.

I tried to warn you last night.

Your father didn't play
badminton last night,

and your breakfast
is on the table.

Bud's right, Margaret,

a man has to be his age.

I have to take care of myself.

What did you bring
me for breakfast?

Mush, milk, and zwieback.

Now, you see, children,

your father's at
that certain age.

They either want
to burn up the world

or to find a nice, warm
rock to crawl under.

It doesn't take much
to push them either way.

Your father is obsessed
with the ridiculous idea

that you're growing
up too quickly.

This gives him a feeling

that he's growing old quickly.

We've got to get him
out from under that rock.

Now, this is my plan.

Where are the children?

They'll be here.

My!

And at what mortuary
are you applying today?

A man reaches my age,

he can't dress like a schoolboy.

I can't recall you ever
dressed like a schoolboy.

I did though, when
I went to school.

Those were the days.

Those wonderful,
carefree, youthful days.

Oh, come on, dear, smile.

No sir, Margaret, I've come
to the realization at last,

it's the kids growing up
that makes you feel old.

Oh, nonsense.

Margaret, don't
be blind to the truth.

Your son shaved last night.

But that doesn't make
me Whistler's mother!

Betty went to a wedding.

Soon, too soon, she'll
be going to her own!

Perhaps that's a wishful
thought on your part, Jim.

Aw.

I'd want Betty with me forever.

Kathy, overnight
at a friend's house.

That's the first time
she's slept in a bed

other than her own.

Margaret, that's growing up.

Oh, I don't know.

Poor, poor, innocent Margaret.

My child wife.

That's all.

Calling KX2J3!

Calling KX2J3, over!

Hello! KX2J3,

reporting, Captain Sonar, over!

This is Captain
Sonar, I can't see...

Wait, Bud, let me
see your space helmet.

Don't take it off, I'll lose
all my oxygen pressure.

Aw, Bud, let her have it.

She'll get it stuck on
her big, fat, old head!

I will not! Don't be
such a stingy face!

It's my space helmet!

I'm not going to hurt it!

You will too! Quit pulling!

You'll break my arm!

I'm not even touching him.

All right, kids!

Break it up and
come to the table!

Help! Help! They're after me!

Oh, Kathy!

If I get my hands on you!

Wait a minute!
What's going on here!

Wait! Stop! Bud!

Yes, sir?

I was just telling your
mother how proud I was

of the way you were growing up

into such well-mannered
ladies and gentlemen.

Now you come tearing into
this room like a bunch of wild...

Comanches?

Comanches!

Margaret, what's
gotten into them?

They act like 2-year-olds!

That's children for you.
They never grow up.

Oh, it's probably for me... Joe.

I'll get it. It's
probably Ralph.

I'll get it!

Don't be too hard on them, Jim.

I think you expect
too much of them.

After all, dear,
they're only children.

Margaret!

I think I'll have some lunch.

Any steaks in the freezer?

Mmm-hmm.

How many do you want?

Oh, two or three.

Even four, if you wish.

It's for you, Father.

Thank you, Princess!

How about a mess
of French fries, too!

Hiya, son!

Nice work, kids.

Hello.

Eddie!

Eddie Gilbert!

Sure! Got your letter yesterday!

How are you feeling?

Good, good.

Sure, we're gonna be home.

We'll be glad to see you.

Where are you now?

Well, you're just a couple
of minutes from here.

I'll tell you what,

I'll pick you up, old fellow.

Are you sure you can make it?

Fine. We'll see
you in a little while.

Oh, and, uh, don't rush now.

Sure.

Good-bye.

Poor old codger.

Who was it, dear?

That was old Eddie Gilbert.

He'll be here in a minute.

I hope you asked
him to stay for lunch.

Who's Eddie Gilbert?

He's an old school
chum of mine, Princess.

I haven't seen him in years.

He's a grandfather now.

He used to be such
a life-of-the-party, too,

the poor fellow.

I guess he wasn't
fortunate enough

to have such young
children as I have.

What do you mean, dear?

Well, you know, his
children have grown up,

flown away, just he
and his wife left alone.

Maybe that's why he's
turned into an old man

before his time.

Nothing left to live for.

Well, maybe he's like you, dear.

Old one day, young the next.

When your children are
grown, that's the end of the line.

I could tell from the
tone of Eddie's letter.

Rheumatism, you know,
hardening of the arteries.

Oh, there he is.

Come on, honey,
we'll meet him together.

The poor devil.

He was always such a
youthful, bubbling sort of a guy.

Anderson?

Uh-huh.

I'm Gilbert.

Not Eddie Gilbert.

Sure. Don't you
remember me, Jim?

You used to call me Crazy Eddie!

Ed, but... I... I
mean, where's the...

You haven't changed!

Neither have you.

You look just like you did
when you won the poetry contest.

I... I can't believe it.

Eddie!

Jim.

Excuse me.

I'm Margaret
Anderson, Mr. Gilbert.

How do you do?
Delighted to meet you.

Margaret, this is Eddie!

Yes, dear. Won't you come in?

Thank you.

Here, here, give
me your coat, Eddie.

Oh, thanks.

Gee, you look great, Jim!

So do you!

I... I can't believe it.

Can you, Margaret?

Believe what, dear?

Well, from the letter, you know,

I... I thought you'd be
older-looking, Eddie.

Why?

Because I'm a grandfather?

Shall we go in?

Well, I thought...

I don't feel like a
grandfather, Jim.

Oh, I did have a touch
of rheumatism once,

but that's when Gladys
and I went ice skating.

I fell through the
ice and got wet.

What do you do to
keep looking so fit, Jim?

Well, we play
badminton, and uh...

Don't we, Margaret?

Oh, yes, Jim's an
excellent badminton player.

He didn't play squash
too well, I remember.

Ho ho ho ho ho ho!

No, I never was
very good at that.

Tell me, Eddie, what do you do

now that the children
are grown and married?

What do we do?

We're livin', man.

Gladys and I are doing all the
things we couldn't do before.

We told the kids, "Now look,

"we love you both very much.

"We'll always be around
when you need us,

but we're not going
to be babysitters."

We're free, man!

We're having the
time of our lives.

You see that, Margaret?

That's what I've
been telling you.

Margaret always
worried what she'd do

when Betty went
off and got married.

You see, honey, you'll be free!

Doesn't mean you're
old if you're a grandma.

You're only as old as
you feel, I always say.

Of course!

You're never old while
the heart is young,

I always say.

And I always say,

what a difference a day makes.

Jim! Are you ready?

Be right there, honey!

Where are you going, Mother?

Well, your father
and I are going over

to the Phillips'
for a little while.

Look out below!

Oh, Jim, be careful!

You'll hurt yourself.

Me? Anderson the Ox?

What's in the suitcase, Father?

Nothing. You ready, dear?

What's in the suitcase, Dad?

What's in the suitcase, Daddy?

You'd better tell them.

That's our equipment.

We're going over to the
Phillips for badminton,

then we're going
horseback riding,

after that, a little skiing,

and if your mother
feels up to it...

Oh, stop.

Good night, children.

Come on, girlie.

Let's go, kiddo.