Father Knows Best (1954–1960): Season 1, Episode 3 - The Motor Scooter - full transcript

Robert Young...

and Jane Wyatt.

With Elinor Donahue,

Billy Gray, and Lauren Chapin...

Look out!

Hi, everybody.

Hi, Daddy! Bye, Daddy!

Whoa! Remember me?

Sure, Daddy. I could
never forget you.

How about a kiss to pay for
your room and board and laundry?

Okay, paid.



Hello, honey.

What's burning?

I am. Hello, dear.

Oh, cornbread.

It's a cake.

Is it a pancake?

It's a birthday cake.

I mean, well, at this point,

I really don't know myself.

Mother!

Mother, have you seen
my... Oh, hi, Father.

Hi, Princess.

Father, before you
say another word,

I want you to answer
just one question,



and I want the truth.

Am I getting fat?

All I can say is there's never
too much of a good thing.

Oh, no!

What did I say?

In simple language, you told her

that she was growing
into a hippopotamus.

I said that?

Ralph said she's gaining weight.

Oh. Why doesn't he
mind his own business?

What can I do with it?

Aren't you home early?

Yes, and you'll see why.

There's something
I want to show you.

What? Out in the driveway.

Something I bought for Bud.
Something he's always wanted.

It's probably something you
want and never been able to have.

Good heavens!
How do you like it?

Kathy!

Good gracious,
get her off of that!

I can't see her!

Kathy! Let me go!

I told you not to touch things!

Is she all right?

A little oily, but
otherwise sound.

Kathy, go upstairs and
put on a clean dress.

I just put this one on.

It's clean except for the dirt.

Go on with you.

Gosh, Father. Where
did you get this?

That's exactly
what I'd like to know.

I bought it, secondhand.

But, darling, we've
got a perfectly good car.

Why, you look ridiculous
riding around in a thing like that.

It's not for me. It's for Bud.

Bud?

You mean that...

You're going to give a
dangerous toy like that

to a boy Bud's age?

Margaret, it's not
dangerous, and it's not a toy.

Look at me. I rode it home from
the office, and not one broken bone.

Gee! This is really something!

You're not going to give that
to Bud. He's not ready for it.

But, Margaret, the
boy has to grow up.

Not on that thing he doesn't.

Well, I got a terrific bargain.

One of the boys at the
club put it up for sale,

and with a little careful
manipulating, I got it for a price.

How much?

Well, I talked him down to $50.

$50? $50?

Reading from left
to right, yes, $50.

I could've bought all
new curtains for upstairs.

And I could've taken
Dr. Bixley's reducing course.

And I could've gotten
some new golf clubs,

but it happened that I bought Bud a
motor scooter instead, and that's that.

I'm not going to let
you give it to him, Jim.

But, Margaret, the boy
has to have responsibility.

Bud doesn't know the
meaning of responsibility.

He's a child.

Betty, go upstairs and
get ready for dinner.

I want to hear who
comes out ahead.

Betty!

Margaret, you haven't heard

the best part of the whole deal.

Mmm... yes?

I put a fast one
over on Fred Hartley.

He wanted it for his kid.

But I outsmarted him.

By $50.

Well, you know how Fred is,

always bragging about
getting a bargain on everything.

I took it right out
from under his nose.

It's nearly killing him.

Well, it's not
going to kill Bud.

You can sell it right
back, and that's that.

Now, Betty.

Okay, now I know the ending.

I'll get ready for dinner.

If the poor kid sees it

and then we tell
him he can't have it,

it'll break his heart.

He doesn't have to see it.

Now, quick, Jim.
Hide that thing.

Bud will be back any minute.

Hide it where?

Right in the garage,

and then throw
something over it.

Throw what over it?

Oh, Jim, you're stalling
just so he'll see it.

Now hurry up.

Poor Bud.

He and I could've had a
lot of fun with this thing.

Jim, are you sure
you hid it carefully?

Under two blankets, a piece
of canvas, and the lawnmower.

Margaret, I'm making
one last appeal.

The appeal is denied.
The answer is no,

and it's going
back in the morning.

Betty, is it polite
to read at the table?

There's no use my
even sitting down.

All I'm having is
a piece of lettuce.

Rabbits get fat on lettuce.
Ha ha ha. Betty's a rabbit.

Kathy, be quiet.
And wait for the rest.

Sorry I'm late. Say, you
should've been with me.

Claude Messner's homing
pigeon never came home.

Hi, Dad.

Hello, son.

Well, were you out today on
your broken-down old bike?

No, I loaned it to Joe
Phillips to deliver his papers.

Oh.

Say, Dad, have you
thought any more

about getting me
a motor scooter?

Why, yes, I...

Uh, that is,

I've thought about it a little.

Bud, eat your dinner,

and don't worry your
father about motor scooters.

Okay. But if I had one,

I could get a lot of
extra jobs around

like delivering and stuff.

You see, Margaret?

♪ I know a secret,
I know a secret ♪

Kathy!

What were you
going to say, Kitten?

I can't tell.

Well, that's a new twist.

I got it! Why, it's miraculous!

What is?

This is a book on
handwriting analysis,

and I just analyzed yours,

and it actually works.

How did I do?

Well, the curly-Qs on your R's

show that you have
a B+ personality.

Just B+?

Maybe I can work up to an A

if I watch my curly-Qs.

What's a curly-Q?

Eat.

If I eat, will I find out?

According to Professor Stein,

B+ is far above average.

That's me.

I'll read on. This
is fascinating.

Bud.

What is it, shrimp?

Will you do me a
favor after dinner?

What kind of a favor?

Get my roller skates.

Well, you're not
going roller skating.

It will be too late.

I don't want to skate.
Can't I just have 'em?

Let her have them, Margaret.

Well, all right. Where are they?

Out in the garage.

Bud, get your sister's skates.

Bud! Stay right where you are.

They'll be no roller skating
after dinner, young lady.

Listen! Your handwriting reveals

that you are the type

who rules this family
with an iron hand

and always gets his way.

Betty.

What?

The professor
who wrote that book

must be a bachelor.
Take it back.

Janie has just got
to see this book!

Gee, that was a good dinner.

You're the best cook
in the whole world.

Thank you, dear.

Mommy, why do
little girls play house?

Because...

Well, it's instinctive
with them.

What's that?

It...

Jim, explain it to her.

Huh?

Well, Kathy asked me
why little girls play house.

I said it was instinctive.

Explain to her what
instinctive means.

Well, uh,

instinct is something
that, um, comes naturally.

There. That explain it?

Why don't little
boys play house?

That's a silly question.

I think it's a very
intelligent question.

What's so all-fired
intelligent about it?

It sounds a little
ridiculous to me.

Jim!

Well, to tell you
the truth, Margaret,

I've never delved
into this subject.

Do you know why little
boys don't play house?

Well, it...

Kathy, time for
you to go to bed.

All right. Good night, Daddy.

Good night, sweetheart.

Sleep tight and don't
forget to say your prayers.

Could I ask for
a scooter? Kathy!

Uh, your mother handles
the scooter department.

I'm off to bed, Bud.

Look! Chug-chug-chug-chug!
Beep-beep!

Kathy!

Chug-chug-chug-chug! Beep-beep!

Jim.

Hmm? Oh, I just... Darling...

the children are all
upstairs in their rooms.

Now's the time for
you to call Fred Hartley

and let him have the scooter.

Oh, honey, I just want you
to take a look at this thing.

Did you ever see such
a neat little machine?

Look at that strong brake
and this nice seat cushion.

And the taillight.

You know, taillights add
to safety for night driving.

And this honey of an engine.

Imagine, one little
harmless cylinder.

One little piston.
One little sparkplug.

And one little item that
you've completely overlooked.

It's not for an
irresponsible boy.

Oh, Margaret, it's a
harmless little machine.

It's a two-wheel accident
looking for a place to happen.

I won't be persuaded, Jim.

You get on it, Margaret.
See for yourself.

Now, you get away from me, Jim.

Aw, come on. Jim!

Go right in the house
and phone Fred Hartley.

Margaret.

I can't understand you.

Before we were married,

you used to ride on the
handlebars of my bike.

Now you won't
even sit on a scooter.

Before a girl is married,

she has to take a lot of chances

that are no longer
necessary afterwards.

You mean you didn't enjoy it?

If you will take time

to study the construction
of a handlebar,

you will hardly
find it conducive

to a girl's, um, comfort.

Why didn't you ever tell me?

Well, we, um, didn't know
each other that well then.

I never had any idea

what you went
through to capture me.

Tell me more.

Actually, this is
completely off the subject.

Now, Jim, we're going
to go in that house,

and you're going
to call Fred Hartley.

No, no, no.

You stop that, Jim!

Now, you cover that thing
up so that Bud can't see it.

I'm going to get
Fred on the phone.

Margaret, I'll feel like a fool

asking Fred Hartley to
buy it after I outsmarted him.

Hello, Fred? Well, this
is Margaret Anderson.

Fine, thank you.

Uh, Fred, Jim
wants to talk to you.

Can't we put this off until...

All right. Hi, Fred.

You got a nerve calling

after the dirty trick you
played on me today.

Ha ha. Just a little
manipulating, Fred.

In fact, that's what
I'm calling about.

If you're calling to rub
it in, you can hang up.

Oh, just the opposite,
Fred, old man.

I... I got a twinge
of conscience

knowing how much you wanted it

for that boy of yours.

Cut the malarkey. So what?

I'm going to let you have
the scooter, Fred, old boy.

What happened?
Did it fall apart?

No, it didn't fall apart.

I just realized it
was a selfish move,

and you can have it for
just what I paid for it: $50.

I'll give you 40.

But I paid $50! Hard cash!

Have you seen my
handwriting book?

Shh!

Fred, I'll tell
you what I'll do.

I'll split the difference
with you: $45.

How do you like that?

I'm doing him a favor,
and he wants to haggle.

Father, have you
seen that paper I had?

Oh, Betty, I'm telephoning.

Fred, listen to me.

$40. Take it or leave it.

42.50, and that's my last offer.

How much does
he want to pay? $40.

Can't anybody leave anything
around this house without disappearing?

Betty. How much did you say?

$40.

It's a deal.

No, Fred, I was talking... Fred!

Fred!

The shark hung up on 40.

Well, that's better
than losing $50,

and I'm happy it's all settled.

There it is!

Good night again.

Betty. Yes, Father?

Analyze my handwriting
again and see if shows

I'm a shrewd operator
who drives a hard bargain.

I don't have to analyze
your handwriting.

It's written all over your face.

You're just wonderful.

Mm.

Mother, how does it look?

Well! Betty!

Isn't that a little extreme
for dinner with the family?

I'm just trying it on
for tonight. How is it?

Betty, I think it's
a little too, uh...

Uh, well, too.

Well, it's supposed to be.

Do you think
Harvey will like it?

Frankly, there isn't
enough to dislike.

I don't seem to
remember that dress, dear.

Jane's aunt loaned it to me.

She's so sophisticated!

Betty, I don't think
it's exactly for you.

You know, I think
it's a little too old.

Mother!

Well, I do. How old is Harvey?

19.

Then I think it's
too old for him, too.

Mother, Harvey's
quite sophisticated.

Margaret, wherefore art thou?

In here, dear.

I don't think your
father's going to like it.

Hi, honey.

Oh, how do you
do? I didn't mean to...

Betty! Do you like it,
Dad? Tell me the truth.

I'll tell you the
truth, all right.

Where do you think
you're going in that?

I've got a date
tonight, dancing.

Then you better put a
turtleneck sweater over it.

Father, don't be so rectangular!

Margaret, are you going to let
her leave the house in that thing?

Well, I don't
especially like it.

Maybe you'll loan me the
bloomers and midi-blouse

you wore when you were a girl.

Well, your mother
looked pretty good to me.

Father! But this is
the 20th Century!

Margaret, do I seem
old-fashioned to you?

Not in the least.

Do I to you? No.

Then that probably
means that we both are

and don't recognize it.

All right.

What's for dinner?

By the way,

did you take care of
that motor scooter?

Oh, don't mention it.

It nearly broke my heart

to let that chiseler have it.

Oh, Jim, you only lost $10.

I can't help thinking how Bud
would have loved having it.

Well, what he doesn't
know won't hurt him.

I'll have to make it up to
him some other way, I guess,

just to ease my conscience.

Well, I'll get ready
for dinner. I'm starved.

Mom!

Oh, hi, Dad. Hello, son.

Mom, how long before dinner?

Ready in about a half hour.

Okay.

Bud! Yeah, Dad?

Wait a minute, son,
I want to talk to you.

What did I do?

Nothing. This is something
between you and me.

Here. I want you to have this.

Money! $20.

I can't believe it.
What's the catch?

Bud, sometimes your
parents want to give you things,

but we feel you're
not grown up enough...

You know, responsible enough.

You mean I don't
have to wash the car

or clean the cellars
for the next ten years?

No strings.

I don't know how
to thank you, Dad.

You can thank us, Bud.

Just prove you know the
meaning of responsibility

by the way you
handle this money.

Gee!

Well, how's my little
ball of fluff tonight?

Daddy, what did you give Bud?

Bud? Oh, just some money.

What for?

Well, it's sort of a secret.

A real secret?

Here's a bright, shiny
new dime for you.

What do I have to do for it?

Nothing. What am I
around here, Simon Legree?

You're a wonderful daddy.

Morning, Daddy.

Good morning, Kitten.

Daddy, do you make as much money

on Saturdays when you don't work

as you do on Thursdays
when you do work?

Well, let's just say
I don't lose any.

Daddy, how much money
did you give Bud yesterday?

That's between Bud and me.

Besides, didn't I
give you a dime?

A water pistol costs a quarter.

All right.

Here. It's a shakedown.

I didn't ask you for it!

Oh! Kathy.

Oh, it's good having you
home Saturday morning, darling.

Makes the weekend seem longer.

Better than that, it makes
the weekdays seem shorter.

I wish I could manage
it every Saturday.

Mmm! Have you already eaten?

Ages ago.

Bud was up and
out before breakfast.

Well, that's not unusual.

For Bud to go without breakfast?

Jim, you shouldn't have given
him all that money yesterday.

How did you know? Bud told me.

Why? Does it
have to be a secret?

No, not actually.

But tell me one thing. Did Kathy
know you knew about the money?

Well, she was right here
when Bud mentioned it.

Why? Nothing.

I just hope she remembers us

if she ever decides
to hijack Fort Knox.

Mom! Dad! I got
a surprise for you!

You won't believe it!

Won't believe what?

Out in the driveway!
Come on, look at it!

Wait a minute. I haven't
finished my breakfast yet.

What's going on here anyway?

Oh, no! The scooter!

Ain't it a knockout?

Right in the solar plexus.

So you did give it to him

and lied about the whole thing!

I don't know any more
about it than you do.

Dad didn't give it to me, Mom.

Mr. Hartman bought
it for his son Freddie.

Only Freddie's mother said no.

Can you imagine a
goofy mother like that?

Your mother has an
excellent imagination. Go on.

Well, you know that $20
you gave me? Mm-hmm.

I sold my old bike
to Joe Baker for 10

and put it with the 20
and bought the scooter.

You bought that for
$30 from Fred Hartley?

Well, if he wasn't there,

I think I could've got it
from Mrs. Hartley for nothing!

Oh, gee, honey, you'll have
to admit Bud deserves it.

Anyone who can
trim Fred Hartley...

Look at it, dear. No
one can get hurt on it.

What's the matter?

Well, Bud, I think

your mother doesn't
approve of the scooter.

She's afraid it might
be too dangerous.

Gee, Mom. I'm not a
kid. You can't mean it.

Bud, will you
promise your mother

to be extra careful
while riding it?

Well of course I'll be
extra careful, Mom.

I even stopped off
at the police station

and got this book
on safety rules.

You know, that isn't a toy.

It isn't?

Well, of course not, Mom.

A motor job like
that's a responsibility,

almost like a car.

Bud, that's the first time

I ever heard you use
the word responsibility

in connection with yourself.

Go ahead and keep it.

I'm sure you'll be safe with it.

Gee, Mom, you're great.

Go ahead and say it.

Okay.

Gee, Mom, you're great.

Be careful! Straighten it up!

That's it! Fine. Now this way!

Woo! Ooh!

Oh, dear.

That was fun!

I want to be next!

I want to be next!

Ah, Father's next!

My motor scooter.

Now be careful! And don't speed!

Look out for the trucks!

Don't worry!

You think I'll ever
get a chance to ride it?

Why, of course,
son. It's yours, isn't it?

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA