Father Knows Best (1954–1960): Season 1, Episode 16 - Bud the Snob - full transcript

Everyone at school thinks he is a snob because he does not talk to a lot of people. It is actually because he is terribly shy. Jim talks Bud into hosting a Halloween party at home to show his friends he is not a snob.

Robert Young...

and Jane Wyatt.

With Elinor Donahue,

Billy Gray, and Lauren Chapin...

The most preposterous
thing I've ever heard.

Well, I'm only telling
you what she said.

And she ought to
know. She's in his class.

Well, I can think
of a lot of things

you can accuse Bud
of being, but, uh...

snob is definitely
not one of them.

Yeah. Knucklehead
would be a lot closer.



Virginia must've meant
somebody else, not Bud.

Would you, uh, finish these?

I've got a roast in the oven.

Well...

Virginia said he walks
down the school hall,

nose in the air. Won't
speak to anyone.

Yeah.

Uh... would you
finish these, Princess?

I, uh... I have some
things I have to do.

Daddy!

Daddy, what's a snob?

Oh... why do you ask that?

Patty Davis heard some girls say

that's what Bud is.



See?

What is a snob, Daddy?

Well, it's just someone
who thinks he's a little better

than anyone else, that's all.

Oh.

Well, how did Bud find out he
was better than everybody else?

I never would've noticed it.

He's not. He just thinks he is.

Here. Would you finish these?

Sweetie?

Well, if Kathy heard it, too...

maybe there's something to it.

Oh, it's probably
nothing at all.

Chances are he saw a
Gary Cooper movie lately,

and now he thinks he's
the strong, silent type.

I'm gonna take Bud

and pound some sense in that...

Oh, no, you're not.

We're not gonna
make a big issue of this.

But, Father... All
right, there he is.

I don't want anyone
to even mention

the word snob.

And that goes for
you, too, Kitten.

I won't say anything.

Mommy, would you finish these?

I've got some stuff I gotta do.

Boy, we sure had a
baseball game tonight.

Ol' Claude was pitchin'...

Why is everybody
lookin' at me so funny?

Oh... Bud, how'd you find out

you were better than
everybody? Kathy!

I didn't say he was a snob.

Bud, we've heard rumors that
at school, they think that you're...

So what?

Bud, wait.

Well, we certainly
fixed that up.

What do you suppose
has come over him?

I don't know what's
come over him,

but I know what I'm
going to do about it.

I'll, uh, handle this.

Yes, Father.

Um... time for dinner.

I'm not hungry, hardly.

Yeah, I can see you've...
lost your appetite.

You, um...

feel okay?

I guess so.

You, uh, didn't finish telling
about the baseball game.

How'd it come out?

Oh...

I forget now.

Sounds like an exciting game.

Hey, how about that?

I bet I can get more in
out of five than you can.

Probably can.

Some, uh...

girl in your school came up

with the crazy idea you
don't speak to anyone.

I don't know how a rumor
like that could get started.

I do.

Oh?

Kind of, uh... rough
on a guy's reputation.

You got a reason?

Sure.

A guy doesn't want to
talk to a bunch of girls.

I see.

Four for me. Beat that.

Uh... just what is it

you don't, uh, like about girls?

Aw, they're so...

Darn it, Dad, I
want to talk to girls.

I want to real bad.

But I just get all tongue-tied.

I see.

My collar gets tight,
and my face gets red.

And you wish you could
drop right through the floor.

How'd you know?

Bud, this is perfectly normal.

Every boy goes through this.

Not Claude Messner.

I said every normal-type boy.

You ought to see old Claude.

He just walks up to a girl

and starts talki" right off.

He doesn't really say much,
but he sure says it easy.

You can, too.

No, I'll... I'll never
be a Claude Messner.

Well, I hope not.

Gosh, I remember
when I went through this.

The only way I
could talk to girls

was over the phone.

Oh, I was a real
whiz on the phone.

But put me face
to face with a girl,

and I was petrified.

There's no getting around it.

I was a real big dope.

Did you ever get over it?

Certainly. And
you can, too, Bud.

All you have to do is
relax and be yourself.

Have a little confidence.

You have everything you need...

Personality... good
looks... intelligence.

Who, me?

Of course! All you
have to do is use them.

How 'bout giving it a
try at school tomorrow?

Okay?

I'll try.

I'm serious, Claude.
How do you talk to girls?

Well, kid, the
way I do is, uh...

Well, I take and, uh...

Well, first off, you
gotta have charm.

Yeah? W-Wh... What's that?

Well, it's like, uh...

like, say, when
you take and, uh...

Well, either you
got it, or you ain't.

Oh, okay. So
what else can I try?

Well, then you sweep 'em, see?

Dominate 'em.

You whomp up
a line that hits 'em

right between the eyes.

Yeah. W-Well, what do I do

after I clomp up?

Why, then you roll,
man, roll. Got it?

I don't think so.

Look. You... I'll
tell you what to do.

We'll find a girl, and
you watch. Come on.

Well, not now. Let's wait.

Come on.

You ain't getting
any younger, boy.

Well, kid, I'm afraid
most of the chicks

have gone home
to roost by this time.

Wait, wait, wait.

Hi, gorgeous. Got a match?

Oh, cut it out, Claude.

I have to get
these to the lib'ary.

Wait a minute, Aggie.

I got a great idea. Let's

choose up sides
and go barefooted.

Why don't you give yourself up?

Aggie, wait!

Well, kid? You get the idea?

Well... sort of.

All it is is charm.

Well, yeah, I can see that.

But it'd never work for me.

Sure, it would. All
you gotta do is...

Wait. Here's your chance.

Hi, Liz. Uh, Bud here
wants to talk to you.

Gee. You wanted
to talk to me, Bud?

Well, I... What did
you want to say?

Y-You want to go barefooted?

Well, kid, how'd it go?

Shut up.

The kid just ain't got charm.

Hi, Bud! Wanna have some fun?

No, I don't!

Kathy!

Kathy, you left your
dolls spread all over the...

Oh, dear.

Are you dragging all
that stuff out again?

What stuff?

This stuff.

Gosh. I wonder
how that got on there.

It must've fallen off the shelf.

No doubt.

Now, I want you
to put it all away

and leave it there
till next Halloween.

I'm tired of picking up those...

Mother, is Bud home?

I don't think so. Yes, he is.

He ran right
upstairs, real grouchy.

Oh, dear.

Well, I got an idea.

I heard Father telling him how,

when he was a boy,

he couldn't talk
face to face to girls,

but over the phone,
he was a real whiz.

So I thought the same
psychology might work on Bud.

Now, Betty, your father
told you to leave Bud alone,

and I think he's right.

Well, it can't hurt
to try. And besides,

I've already arranged
for Virginia to call him.

Well, you can just unarrange it

because I... Too late now.

Hello?

Oh, hello, Virginia.

Yeah, he's home. Hold on.

Bud?! Oh, no. Betty.

Betty, wait a minute.

Shh! Bud, telephone!

Oh, boy! I'm gonna get

on the extension and
listen! Oh, no, you're not!

You're gonna put
that stuff away.

Oh, gosh! Can't have any fun!

Ohh...

Bud?

Who is it?

Don't know. Hurry up!

Hello?

Well, say something, dopey.

It's a girl!

Well, so what?

What's she saying?

She asked me how I am.

Well, answer her.

I can't think of an answer.

Are you still there, Bud?

Well, don't just stand
there. Say something!

Uh... I-I...

Good-bye!

Now, why did you do that?

You've hurt the
poor girl's feelings!

Leave me alone, will ya?

You can't keep running away.

Let go of me!

Well! What round is this?

She... Father,
Virginia called up,

and he hung up on her.

I thought you didn't
know who it was!

Well, it... it sounded
like Virginia.

Mm-hmm. Who put her up
to the call in the first place?

Yeah, what about that?

Betty, I thought I told
you to stay out of this.

I know you! This is
another one of your tricks!

You can't hide in the
basement all your life!

You mean you... you
didn't come to see Bud?

Oh, no, Mr. Anderson.

I just want to sell you

some of my Camp Girl cookies.

Oh. Oh, I see.

All right. Well, I'd better
get rid of these things.

Oh, why don't you put
them in the closet, Father?

Yes, that's a logical place.

Do come in, Marsha.

Whoa! Who do we have here?

Uh, pardon me, old
man. I'm in a bit of a hurry.

Why, Bud, you're a kick.

Hello there, my dear.

You care to choose up
sides and go barefooted?

Oh, brother.

Well, Mr. Anderson,

how many boxes of cookies?

Come now, my dear.
You're not going to let

a little thing like cookies
come between us.

After all, this is bigger
than both I and you.

Oh, Bud, stop it.

Well, Mr. Anderson?

How many boxes of
cookies do you want?

Oh, a couple, I guess.

Uh... will that be enough?

Yes, that's just right.

And thank you very, very much.

Good-bye.

Allow me, my dear.

Ta-ta. See you
around the pool hall.

Why, Bud, you're a kick.

I don't see why everybody
thinks you're a snob.

See you tomorrow. Good-bye.

Well! You're pretty
hot tonight, old chap.

Yeah. I sort of whomped
up and rolled, didn't I?

You did what?

It was a touch on
the cornball side,

but a decided improvement.

You know... it's a funny thing.

I feel like a different
guy with this on.

Seemed real easy to talk.

Shows you it's all in the mind.

Maybe this mask works for you

like the telephone did for me.

You know, something like
this can give a fella confidence.

Maybe you've got
it whipped, huh?

Yeah!

Hello?

Oh... hello, Virginia.

Oh, no. He's not mad at you.

It's just that he
feels... Wait. Uh...

Here's the fella that
can straighten that out.

Let Bud talk to her.

Bud?! Of course!

He can handle
it. Can't you, Bud?

Uh... uh... sure!

Hello?

Uh... uhhh... Come
on, Bud, say something.

I can't, Dad. Quick,
give me the mask!

That won't do any good. She
can't see over the telephone.

Give me the mask!

Hello. Virginia?

How's every jolly little thing?

I was talking to Bud
Anderson, please.

Well, who do you think this is?

Sure. It's me.

Gee, you sound so different.

Oh?

Well, I still don't think

it was very nice of
you to hang up on me.

Oh, I don't believe that.

It's true. The phone
company goofed.

But let's not let a little thing

like a phone company
come between us.

And, uh... what are
you doing this evening?

Oh? Well, what about the cinema?

Good deal, my dear.

I'll be there at 8. And, uh...

keep a torch burning
in the window for me.

Ta-ta.

Boy, Dad... this
mask works wonders!

It certainly does!

I got a date with her.

I'll bet even Claude
couldn't do that.

Either you got it,
or you ain't. Right?

Jim, look.

Ta-ta, mater. I'm going
to pick up Virginia now.

Well, don't be out
late, and be careful.

Okay. Ta-ta, pater.

Ta-ta, satyr.

Well, I never thought
I'd live to see the day.

What a change!

I knew it would
work out all right

if we just left him alone. Oh...

Dad! I just
realized! I can't go!

What do you mean, you can't go?

Well, I can't talk to
Virginia without the mask!

And I can't go out
in public in that thing!

Dad, what am I gonna do?

So Bud wanted me to explain

why he couldn't
make the date tonight.

No, Virginia,
that's not it at all.

He's not a snob!

Well... as a matter of fact,

he... he just wanted to make
the date for tomorrow night.

No! Oh, he'll be there.

He can hardly wait.

All right, Virginia. Good-bye.

Why? Why'd you tell her that?

I had to say
something. And besides,

you're gonna get over this
silly idea right here and now.

Now, look, you want to
go on this date, don't you?

Well, sure... And
you know you can't go

parading around town with
that ridiculous-looking mask on.

Well, I know that, but...

Hey! Why don't I put
the mask in my pocket,

and we could sit in the
balcony where it's dark,

and I can wear it
while the movie's on!

Oh, fine. When the lights
come on at intermission,

you'd scare her out
of ten years of her life.

I guess it would
be a little surprising.

A little?

Now, look. When
you get to her house,

she'll say hello.

Now, surely, you can
think of an answer to that

without putting a
mask on, can't you?

Well, I guess so.

Okay!

Then she'll ask you to come in.

And then you say thank you.

Wait. Let me write that down.

I can tell this is gonna be
a sparkling conversation.

Don't bother us, Father.

Now, when you get inside,

say something nice
about her looks...

How becoming the
color of her dress is, or...

What color is it?

Oh, Bud, you're hopeless.

Betty, I've told you

several times to
leave him alone.

You know, that
suits me just fine.

I give up.

You can go on being
a dope for all I care.

Dad!

You know what she did?

She made another date
for me tomorrow night,

and, gosh, I can't go.

I wish she'd stay out of this.

Gee, if there was only
someplace a guy could take a girl

where everybody wears masks.

Why don't you change
your date to Halloween?

Everybody wears masks then.

Oh, that's just great.

Halloween won't be here...

Hey! How 'bout that, Dad?

How about what?

A party. A masquerade party.

We could throw
one tomorrow night.

And I can invite Virginia
and Joe and Claude...

Whoa, whoa. Hold it.

You can't just throw
a masquerade party

at the drop of a hat.
It takes a lot of work.

Particularly for your mother.

Well, I'd do all the work.

Part of it, anyway.

You ask her, Dad.

Oh, no. Not me.

Can I come to your party?

You keep out of this, shrimp.

It was my idea.

Kathy!

Here she is, Dad. Now's
your chance. Come on.

Now, wait, Bud.
I don't w... Oh...

Kathy, how many
times have I told you

not to eat in the living room?

I can trail you all over
the house by your crumbs.

Mom, Dad wants
to ask you somethin'.

Come on, squeegee, out
in the kitchen with that grub.

Now, look here,
Bud, I didn't... Ohh...

You have something to ask me?

Well... not exactly.

But you see... Well,
this problem with Bud

with the mask and girls and all.

What time does he
want the party to start?

Huh?

Well, that's what
he wants, isn't it?

A masquerade party?

Well... I've been
waiting for this.

I'm surprised that nobody
thought of it sooner.

But I'll tell you right
now, I'm not in favor of it.

Well, I realize it is
pretty short notice,

and it is a lot of work...
Oh, it's not the work.

It's just that...

I don't think it's right
to encourage him

to hide behind a mask.

He can't go through
life hiding behind things.

Well, honey, it's a
little bit like learning

to ride a bicycle.

At first, you need
somebody to steady the bike.

Then you get a
little confidence...

The party is out.

There.

Kathy!

Ah. By George, this
looks pretty good.

Whew. I'm tired. You know,

I thought Bud was
gonna do all this work.

Well, he's busy upstairs

working on some snappy
conversation for tonight.

He's got himself
a couple of jokes.

Uh-oh. The corn'll fly tonight.

You know, if he'd only relax...

Kathy, stop eating
all that candy.

You'll be sick before
the party even starts.

Yes. It's better to wait
till after it starts to get sick.

Mom!

Here comes the Milton
Berle of Springfield now.

Mom, hurry up with the shirt!

Coming, sir, coming.

Thanks, Mom. And you might
touch this up a smidgen, too.

Oh, get him.

"Might touch this up a smidgen."

Well, it's good
to see him happy.

Besides, weren't you the one
that wanted him a social success?

I didn't expect him
to go overboard.

I liked him better as a dope.

I just hope that all
this isn't wasted effort.

I still don't think we're gonna
help Bud solve anything.

Well, we'll see.

I keep having the feeling

that something'll go wrong,

and then he will retreat
into himself deeper than ever.

Oh, what could
possibly go wrong?

Hey! Hey, Dad!

It's gone, Dad! It's gone!

What's gone? The mask!

It's gone!

Kathy, what'd you do with it?

I never even touched
your old mask!

Honest!

Well, somebody did! Who took it?

Now, don't start
accusing everybody!

Just be calm,
son! We'll find it!

Bud, are you sure
you left it on the bed?

I'm positive! I
set it right there

before I took a shower.

Maybe you took it in
the shower and it melted.

Bud, you'd better hurry.

Some of your guests
have started to arrive.

My gosh, Dad,
What am I gonna do?

Well, why don't you go
downstairs and greet them,

and I'll keep on hunting.
I can't go down there,

not without the mask.

Oh, Bud.

No, Dad.

Well, they're waiting
for you, dopey.

I can't help it. I just
can't go down there.

Wait. Maybe I have an idea.

Betty, do you still have
that theatrical makeup kit?

It's in my room.
Well, go get it.

And everybody go downstairs
and keep the party going.

What are you gonna do, Dad?

You'll see.

It'll never work, Dad.

Don't be too sure.

This mustache looks more
like the one on the mask

than the mask did itself.

Yes, sir.

This looks great!

Let me see.

Uh, wait. I'm, uh,
not finished yet.

I, uh, want to get those
glasses a little better.

You, uh... didn't know

I had this much talent, did you?

It's amazing how a few lines

can change a
person so completely.

Wait a minute.

There.

By golly, you wouldn't believe

how much you look
like that mask, old chap.

I do? Really? Let me see.

Uh, anything else
in here we need?

No, I guess not. Well,
you'd better get downstairs.

Well, I want to
see what I look like.

There's no time now.
They're waiting for you. Go on.

Wait! Don't smear it!

Hurry up. They're
probably choosing up sides

to go barefooted right now.

Ta-ta, old chap!

Ooh! Hurry up. Tell me,
did the makeup work?

Well, he's at the party.

Oh, I never
would've believed it.

Not with his fears
and your artwork.

Oh, this may turn out
to be a masterpiece.

Here, let me take
that. But I still say

I don't think we helped him any.

It doesn't matter whether
it's a mask or makeup.

He's still hiding
behind something.

Well, look at it this way.

I said it was a little bit like
learning to ride a bicycle.

You remember how your dad used
to walk alongside and hold the bike,

and then one day you
discovered he'd let go.

And that was the day you
said, "Look, Ma... no hands."

Yes, but you're still
holding the bicycle for Bud.

Well, let me show you something.

So then I went up to Sussex

to shoot, uh,
grouse with the duke.

He's doin' pretty well, huh?

Mmm. But I wish
he'd turn this way

so I could see his makeup.

And then down to Piccadilly

to play Scrabble
with the duchess.

Jim. His face.

What... Why, you
didn't put any...

You tricked him.

I let go of the bicycle.

But what's he gonna
do when he finds out?

I don't know.

All we can do
now is... carry on!

Ah, here come the crumpets!

Be my guest.

Allow me, my dear.

Uh... anyone for hors d'oeuvres?

I just had a feeling that
something would go wrong tonight.

Well, I thought it might work.

Almost did, too.

Only... Shh.

My dear, as I see it,

we could make
beautiful music together.

Oh, Bud. You're so much fun.

I really never knew you before.

Look, Ma.

No hands.

Well, I guess we can stamp

"Mission accomplished"
on this evening.

I admit I had a lot of
misgivings about the whole thing.

But it couldn't have
worked out better.

When that mask was
lost, I thought all was lost.

Actually, it was a
stroke of fortune.

Yeah.

Tattooed to the fives, my dear.

Look, Ma... no hands.