Father Knows Best (1954–1960): Season 1, Episode 11 - Margaret Goes Dancing - full transcript

Margaret's friend Myrtle tells her that she and her husband are taking dance lessons. Myrtle tells Margaret that she and Jim should also try them. Margaret tries to trick Jim into lessons, but he finds out the plan from Myrtle's husband.

Robert Young...

and Jane Wyatt.

With Elinor Donahue,

Billy Gray, and
Lauren Chapin in...

Dancing lessons? Really?

How did you ever get Ed

to agree to take
dancing lessons?

Oh, he loves it, he loves it.

You should see him
doing the mamba.

He looks like an agitated ox.

But I tell you,



he thinks he's Fred Astaire.

I think that's just wonderful.

Actually, it's more fun, really,

and I feel ten years younger.

I... Why don't you and Jim
go along with us tonight?

Oh, no. I don't think we can.

Why not? Now, how
often do you go to a dance?

Well, we, uh...
Practically never.

Why?

Well, because...

"Because of the children,
because of the house,

because of this,
because of that."

Honey, you're in
the same boat I was.

The same boat.



I said to myself, "Myrtle...

"you're in a rut.

"Life is oozing by...

"and suddenly you'll
be an old woman,

and you'll say to yourself,
'What happened?'"

There. I think that's enough.

Honey, you're not listening.

Oh, yes, I am.

But you know Jim.

I could never talk him into,

well, of all things,
dancing lessons.

Have time for another cup?

No, I've gotta
run. Listen, darling,

you don't talk
husbands into things.

You put a general's
uniform on them,

and then you push them along,

and they think they're
leading the parade.

But Jim has such definite ideas

about being led into things...

about maintaining his, um...
masculine independence.

Oh, pooh! You
should've heard Ed roar

when I told him I'd
signed up for the course.

But now he loves it!

Look, I'll call the school and
have them sign you and Jim...

Oh, no. No, Myrtle,
really. Really,

I don't think this is for us.

Well, suit yourself,

but I hate to see you
grow old without a struggle.

Watch out, Mommy!

You better come home now, Patty.

In a minute! We gotta
play one more game!

All right. I'll see
you, Margaret.

Okay! Ready, Kathy?

Let it zing!

No, no, Kathy! Don't do that!

Why? What's wrong
with playing tennis?

Well, nothing, except you
don't play tennis with a banjo.

You've been up
in the attic again.

Heck. Nobody ever uses it.

That's no reason to ruin it.

Heck. Come on, Patty.

Mother, I'm gonna go over
to Janie's for a minute...

Well, what's that?

Oh... it was your
father's at one time.

Father played the banjo?

Well, I wouldn't say
he actually played it.

But I remember it sounded
pretty thrilling to me

when he used to
serenade me with it.

"Juanita." That
was his one song.

♪ ♪ Gee, it must be nice

to have funny little things
like that to look back on

when you get old.
Oh, I'll be right back.

Now, Bud, don't start eating
everything and spoil your dinner.

I'm not eating. This
is just an appetizer.

Not to me.

Yeah. Seems like lately

I haven't been
hungry hardly at all.

♪♪ Hey, Mom,
aren't you a little old

to be taking up the banjo?

What's the matter? Did
I say something wrong?

Myrtle!

Myrtle!

Myrtle!

Dancing lessons. Really?

Oh, I think that's wonderful.

I see no reason why
parents shouldn't go on living

just like anybody else.

Well, that's one
way of putting it.

When did you and
Father decide all this?

That's the trouble.

Your father doesn't
know about it yet.

He doesn't?

No. I'm afraid

I let Mrs. Davis
talk me into it.

I probably shouldn't
have done it.

I'm... sure Father'll
like the idea.

Well, according to
Mrs. Davis, he'll love it!

If I can just think of a
way of convincing him

he's leading the parade.

What?

Hmm? Oh, nothing.

All I meant was that...
Margaret, I'm home!

He's going upstairs.

Now, when he comes
down, just tell him.

Make him do it.

That's not the way.

Well, what do you do, then?

Daughter... I'm gonna let you in

on a wife's great
secret about husbands.

Oh?

But first, I want you to know

that your father's
a wonderful father

and I couldn't have
asked for a better husband.

But he's still a male.

Well, naturally.

And a male likes to feel

that he thinks up all the ideas.

So the tactful wife,
by various, uh...

justifiably devious methods

plants the idea in his mind

and then lets him go
ahead and think it up,

and everyone's happy.

Oh, you mean that... Shh.

And he must never suspect.

And timing's important, too.

You've got to watch
for the right moment.

Hello, honey.

Hello, General.

Jim.

What's the matter,
honey? Anything wrong?

No! No, of course not.

Are you sure?

Certainly.

Everything's fine.

You know, you have the
same look on your face

you had the time you told me you
were redecorating the living room

in chartreuse and black.

Hello, Princess.
How are you tonight?

Oh, I'm... fine!

How are you?

Tired, real tired.

I've been staying up too late.

I think I'll go to
bed early tonight.

9:00.

This is not the moment.

Oh. Hello, son.

Oh, hi, Dad.

What's the joke?

Huh?

What's the laughing bit for?

Oh, I don't know.
I was just thinking

of the wonderful, devious
ways in which women work.

Yeah.

What's that mean?

Bud... this is as
good a time as any

for you to observe and learn

the wonderful workings
of the feminine mind.

Huh?!

You just watch.

Something is up.

Yeah? Up... Up where?

I mean your mother's
planning something.

I don't know what it is,
but the symptoms are there.

Women are never so obvious

as when they're trying
to hide something.

Yeah. What's she hiding?

We'll soon find out.
Now, you watch.

The next step is to soften me up

by trying to make
me comfortable,

to get me in a good mood.

Then comes the flank
attack... little hints thrown out

here and there to
channel my thinking.

Ha ha. They're a strange breed.

Yeah, like, for instance,

why would Mom want to
take up the banjo at her age?

What? What's that?
What did you say?

Yeah, well, this afternoon,
I saw her, and she...

Shh, shh, shh.

Well, what's this?

Apple juice, sir, for that
tired ache-all-over feeling.

Apple juice, that
quick energy pick-up

for the tired businessman.

Try it today.

Mm-hmm.

Uh... how are the banjo
lessons coming, dear?

What banjo lessons?

Well, Bud said this afternoon...
Oh, for heaven's sake.

I was just trying to rescue
that old one of yours.

Kathy found it up in the attic
and was using it as a tennis racket.

Ohh...

Um, dear... speaking
of people feeling tired,

I read somewhere once

that frequently it's
caused by boredom.

People should take up new
things, go different places,

try, um, dancing, perhaps.

Claude Messner had an unhappy
uncle that was 75-years-old,

and the doctors told
him to take up dancing.

There. You see?

He tried it and broke a leg.

Bud, go in and help
Betty set the table.

It's not my turn. Go anyway!

Okay.

You see, dear...

It's a funny thing, your
mentioning dancing,

I heard a good one
today on poor Ed Davis.

What about poor Ed Davis?

Oh, Myrtle's been dragging
him off to some dancing school.

The way she leads
poor Ed around...

Oh, I don't see anything
so wrong about that.

Maybe Ed wanted to go.

Oh, no. Even Ed has
better sense than that.

Might be all right for young
sprouts, but a grown businessman,

I don't know, it just
seems sort of silly.

Oh, the children will
get it in the kitchen, dear.

You know, it seems to me

that the old, grown businessman

needs it more than
the young sprout.

It's for you, Dad!

Okay!

Seems to me if a
man had any spunk...

Oh, well, Ed has spunk.

It's Mr. Davis.

Hi, Ed. We were just talking
about you. What's on your mind?

Well, Myrtle just gave me
the good news about tonight,

but I'm having a little
trouble with my battery,

and I wondered if we could
go in your car instead of mine.

Go where, Ed?

Oh, I see.

And just when was
all of this arranged?

Well, I don't know
exactly. Um...

I was sort of planning
to drop out of this thing,

but then Myrtle told me you
talked Margaret into joining us,

so I thought I'd suffer
through it for a little while.

I see.

Well, Ed, it's just possible

there might have been a slight
misunderstanding about all this,

and I'll have to call you back.

Yeah. Good-bye.

Well, all right, I did it.

I thought it'd be fun.

I thought it'd be good for us.

Well, life is oozing
by, and one day,

we're going to wake up
and say, "What happened?"

Well, even the children are making
remarks about how ancient we're getting,

and... and... well,
and they're right, too.

Margaret, I have no
objection to dancing.

In fact, I like to
dance... occasionally.

But I see no sense in going to
school, to be regimented, lined up.

After all, I know how to
dance, pretty well, too.

Oh, sure, the waltz and the
two-step, two-step and waltz.

Have you ever heard of mamba?

Who's he?

Who's he?! Well,

it's a new dance.
Everyone's doing it.

I'm not.

That's right,
everyone except us,

that elderly couple in the white
frame house on Maple Street.

Oh, now, look here, Margaret.

Oh, hi, Daddy.

Will you play this for me?

Oh, I don't think so, Kitten.

I'm afraid I'm a little rusty.

He certainly is.

Oh, come on. Play "Juanita."

Mommy says that's
the only song you know.

Oh, she does, huh?

Yeah. Do it like you did when
you used to serenade Mommy.

Uh, Kathy, Daddy's busy now.

Why don't you go out and
ask Betty to put the steaks on.

Okay, but I do want to
hear Daddy serenade.

Remember when
you used to do that?

What's become of that young man

who stood under my
window and played his banjo?

Oh, I suppose it
was kind of corny,

but I loved it.

Honey, I'd look
awfully silly now

standing out in the
yard playing the banjo.

The neighbors would
have me locked up.

Oh, they would not.

Jim, I don't ask you
to do many things.

Honey, I don't mind being asked.

I do not like to be pushed.

The least you could've done

was to have discussed it
with me before going ahead.

Would you have gone
if we discussed it first?

Certainly not.

That's what I figured.

All right, go ahead!

Stay in your rut if you want to.

I don't care.

You know, you're
right. I am in a rut.

And I may just take your advice
and try something different...

say, um... I'll drop in
at the club tonight...

see the boys.

The club? Why, you
haven't been there in ages.

That's just it!

You mentioned boredom.

I read an article last week
where an authority said

that even people who are in love

should take a vacation
from each other...

if only for an evening.

After all, I used to enjoy
those evenings with the boys.

Few hands of cards,
stimulating discussion.

And what happened?

I got married.

Did I ever stop you?

Well... no, but that's
a side of a man's life

he shouldn't have to give up.

Well, why don't you
go down there, then?

Maybe you can get into a
nice stimulating discussion

about old-age pensions.

I remember one night
we sat up until almost 3:00

discussing Caesar's
Commentaries.

Well... why don't
you put on your tunic

and your sandals and go?

I intend to go.

Fine!

When you come
back, don't look for me

because I'll be out dancing.

Come and get it!
The steaks are ready,

and are they mellow!

I, uh... I don't think
I'll eat tonight, Bud.

I'm not... particularly hungry.

Neither am I.

You children go ahead.

Oh, boy! Two
extra steaks for me!

Hey, Betty!

Hey, that was cute.

Do it again.

Was that one of the new dances

you're learning tonight, Daddy?

Mmhh...

Yes, angel. That's one of
the new dances we're learning.

Evidently.

I thought you were gonna
learn some Mexican dances,

so I thought maybe
Daddy'd like to borrow this.

You have to ask your
father about that, dear.

But I imagine he'd prefer
something more scholarly,

like a... a mortarboard.

The square shape
would match his head.

Huh?

You, uh, may tell your mother

she's being very
witty this evening.

What does... "witty" mean?

I'm not sure I know what
anything means anymore.

Well, gosh,
Claude, I don't know.

Well, don't do
anything till tomorrow.

Yeah. Bye.

Boy, have we got a problem.

You've got a problem. Huh!

Claude wants to run in a
ringer for tomorrow's game,

but I don't know
about a third baseman

with a name like that.

I don't see what
difference a name makes.

Alice?

Alice?

Yeah. We need that
power in the lineup,

but... I don't know
about a... girl.

Don't do it, son.

In two weeks, she'll be
trying to run the team.

May I come in?

Oh, yeah. Come on in, Ed.

Oh. Hi, Jim.

Hello, Ed.

Is, um, Margaret ready?

I don't know.
You'll, uh, have to

check with her on that.

Is it really true you're
going to the club tonight?

Mm-hmm.

Well, how did you manage it?

Well, Ed, I've always
contended that man is born free

and he ought to stay that way.

I'll see you later, Ed.

How come you're not going

to the club tonight, Mr. Davis?

Uh... well, Bud, I, um...

Would you be a good boy and run
upstairs and see if your mother's ready?

Hello, Mr. Davis.
I'll get her for you.

Oh, thanks, Betty.

Mother! Mr. Davis is here!

Ohh...

Ooh, you look beautiful,
Mother, just beautiful!

Thanks.

Come on. They're
waiting for you.

Um... Betty, I...
I... I'm not going.

Not going?

Oh, yes, you are. You've got to.

Do you remember what
you said about timing?

Well, this is the
moment. Now, come on.

You've gotta show him you can
be just as independent as he can.

Well, I... I... You'll have
fun after you get there.

What I ought to do is
call Father at the club

and tell him to
meet you there. No.

Leave him alone.

Let the male animal
roam the prairie.

He'll return to the cave when he
gets through barking at the moon.

I hope.

Where's all the gang tonight?

Oh, they're, um...
Well, who you mean?

Oh, you know. The guys.

Charlie Spencer, Frank Dawson.

Oh, Frank. Haven't
seen old Frank around

in a long time. I don't
know what happened to him.

He's laid up with a
rheumatism again.

He's got it almost
as bad as I have.

Charlie got married.

Charlie did?

Pretty good-looking gal.

Couple of kids. So
now poor old Charlie

has to eat all that
home-cooked food

and sit in front of the
fireplace and play with the kids.

Has to miss all this fun.

Oh! Mrs. Anderson, I'd
like you to meet Mr. Glasser.

Mr. Glasser's one of
our best instructors.

How do you do? Oh, wonderful.

She's a beginner.

Oh! That's wonderful.

That's just fine.

How are you this
evening, Mrs. Davis?

Just fine. Mr. Davis?

Fine, thanks.

So you're a beginner.

That's just fine.

Oh, you'll have a lot of fun.

We don't turn out

very many Veloz and Yolandas,

but we do have fun.

The Davises are
coming along nicely

with the mamba, very
nicely. Oh, thank you.

But I think you'll
want to start out

with something a
little less, uh, zippy?

Do you have anything special

that you'd like to start on?

Well, anything except
the two-step and the waltz.

Oh, you're priceless!

But shall we try a few steps,

see just how much
spade work we have to do?

♪♪

Yeah.

Well, you take the
old-age pension.

A man gets to
the end of his life,

and I say he's entitled.

Jim. Hmm?

It's your turn.

Oh, oh. Yeah, sure.

Well? Go on. Take 'em.

It's your trick.

Oh.

By George, it is.

Where's your mind tonight, Jim?

Oh, I don't know.

I was just thinking
about the night

we sat up till 3 A.M. arguing
over Caesar's Commentaries.

Remember?

Yep.

Old Walt was in on that.

Doesn't old Walt come
around much anymore?

No, not much.

Not since his funeral.

Old Walt?

Roy, what do you
do for arthritis?

I can hardly walk
in the morning.

Don't go anywhere
till after noon.

How's the missus, Jim?

Oh... Haven't seen
her in a long time now.

I suppose with the kids
and all, she doesn't get out

and kick up her heels very much.

Oh, she, uh... she
kicks them up...

occasionally.

♪♪

♪♪

Fine, fine. You're doing
wonderful, Mrs. Anderson.

You just need to
relax a little more.

That's the wonderful thing
about dancing. It's so relaxing.

Oh, yes, isn't it?

You having fun, honey?

Oh... Oh, it's fine.

She's coming along nicely.

Why, I believe we can
zoom right into the mamba.

Oh... Oh, no, no, no.

No, thanks very much.

But you're ready for it.

Well, I... I... I'm afraid
I have a headache.

I... I think I ought to go home.

Good. I'll drive you home.

Come on, Myrtle. Oh, no, no, no.

I don't want you to go
home on my account.

I'll... I'll call a cab.

Could I use your phone?

Certainly.

Look, Myrtle, if she's
got a headache, uh...

Oh, my. She needs lessons, too.

She's the only customer I ever
had who waltzes the samba.

Why, mother, what
are you doing home?

It isn't even 9:00 yet.

Well, I... I had a headache.

Children all right?

Sure. What happened?
Didn't you have a good time?

Oh, yes. It was fun.

Only I... I guess I'm just
not cut out for this wild life.

I... I think I'll go to bed.

Tell Kathy it's her bedtime.

Yes, Mother.

Come on, squirt. If you
can't make a word, pass.

Is "oogloo" a word?

I told you, you can't
use foreign words.

Kathy, Mother wants
you to go to bed.

Is she home from
the school already?

Mm-hmm. What'd
she do, flunk rumba?

Oh, keep quiet!

You men, all so crass.

No feelings.

No romance. No sentiment!

What're you jumping
on me for? What did I do?

Oh, you wouldn't understand.

Well, gee, I... Hi, Daddy!

Oh, hello, Kitten.

Aren't you home a
little early from the club?

Ahh, hmm.

Will you play the banjo
for me now, Daddy?

No, I don't think so,
Kitten. I'm kinda tired.

I, uh... I think I'll go to bed.

Oh, Daddy. Hmm?

When you go up,
will you ask Mommy

if I can stay down for
just one more game?

Ask Mommy? Is she home?

Yes, and she has
a headache, too.

Hmm.

Well... come on, sis. Your turn.

I said it's your turn.

Huh? Oh.

I just hope she doesn't
forgive him too quickly...

makes him suffer a little first.

What are you yapping about?

Oh, nothing.

Here's a good word.

Drip.

Well, I thought I heard
your father's voice in here.

You did. Didn't
he come upstairs?

Well, I didn't see him.

Gee, that's funny. He
found that you were home,

and he ran out of here.
And naturally, I thought...

Well, gee, I wonder
where he did go.

♪♪

Hey, where's the cornball
music coming from?

Sounds like it's outside.

I bet you it's Daddy!

♪♪

♪ Nita ♪

♪ Juanita ♪

♪ Ask thy soul ♪

♪ If we should part ♪

♪ Nita ♪

♪ Juanita ♪

♪ Lean thou ♪

♪ On my heart ♪

Fair señorita,

this unworthy
caballero wishes to ask

the young señorita
if she will honor him

by going dancing
with him this evening.

Sí, señor.

But on one condition.

And qué es el, uh,
condition, señorita?

That we don't go
near el dancing school.

And that we stick to el
waltz and el two-step.

Bueno!

Double bueno!

I'll be right up to get you.

No. No, stay where you are.

I'll be right down.

We don't want to waste
this wonderful moon.

♪♪

Sorry, honey. Too late.

I tried to keep them inside.

Margaret Anderson...
this is your life.

You know what?
She wouldn't eat it.

I cut it across. It seems

I was supposed
to cut it cattycorner.

Oh, leave it here. I'm hungry.

Hey, that's right! We
didn't eat any dinner!

Let's see what we
can find in old reliable.

Oh.

What were we trying to find?

I've found it.

You know, it was
pretty silly of us tonight...

running all over
looking for something,

and all the time,
it was right here.

♪ Nita ♪

♪ Juanita ♪

♪ Be my own ♪

♪ Fair bride ♪

Mmhh!

Oh!

Ohhh...

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
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