Father Brown (2013–…): Season 9, Episode 7 - The Island of Dreams - full transcript

When Father Brown visits Chummy's holiday camp, it doesn't take long for someone to die-de-die.


Hello, campers.

Rise and shine!

It's another glorious day,

and to get you in the mood,
the sun has got his hat on.

MUSIC: Funeral March
by Frederic Chopin




I'm so sorry, campers.

I don't know how that happened.

Come on, Mavis. I know you can
squeeze me in.

I can't seem to get it up.

Have either of you seen Kitty?

Not recently, no.

She was out all night.
It's not like her.

Why don't you ask Mrs...?

- Mrs Chummy, I was wondering...
- Not now, Sandy.

What in the name of all things holy?

This is my new routine, this is!

When all the campers are having
their breakfast,

I lay hardboiled eggs for them.


Congratulations on plumbing new
depths of vulgarity.

Now, who is responsible
for today's prank?

- Not me, Mrs Chummy.
- Oh, no.

That music really put
the willies up me.

Well, whoever it is, it has got
to stop.

We've got VIPs coming from all over
the country this weekend.

And the creme de la creme
of Kembleford.

We cannot afford any nonsense!

Who did it?

Who made that monstrous thing
out there?

What is it, Jock?



Season 09 Episode 07

Episode Title: "The Island of Dreams"
Aired on: January 11, 2022.

Oh, hello, Father!

Never had you down as having
green fingers.

I'm looking after the garden while
Mrs McCarthy is away.

And I hope that everything survives
until she gets back.

Where's she gone?

To Ireland. To visit her sister.

And it is only in her absence
that I realise how much

I rely on her.

Still, everyone deserves a holiday!

Very true. Oh, speaking of which...

..did you get one of these?

An invitation to Chummy's
Holiday Camp.

I'm intrigued.

Well, we're going, and the Inspector
and his family.

Should be a nice relaxing weekend.

Let's hope so.

Cheerio, Father.
Cheerio, Sergeant.


Hello, campers.

Rise and shine!

And what a load of frolics
we have for you today.

At 11 o'clock, our ever-popular
knobbly knees competition,

followed by an Egyptian cabaret.

Something for everyone, whether you
like Egypt or knees.

But it was 20 years ago -
my late husband,

Charlie, and I built this camp.

And tonight we are having a gala

with stars old and new.

So come along and let the memories
come flooding back.

♪ We're all chums at Chummy's...


♪ Loyal to the end

♪ Come here as a stranger and
you'll go away... ♪

Good morning, everybody.

Good morning, Mrs Chummy.

Now, as you know, today is
our anniversary...


Sorry I'm late,
I was helping a lost child.

Really? Well, it's a pity you didn't
get lost yourself,

but never mind.

As I was saying, today is
our anniversary.

So there must be no more pranks,
or any kind of silliness.

Yes, Mrs Chummy. Woof, Mrs Chummy.

So Sandy will be meeting our VIPs.
If that's all right with you?

Of course, Mrs Chummy.

Which means that you will
be in charge

of the knobbly knees competition.

Oh, Mrs Chummy, please!

Knobbly knees are beneath me!

I am a highly-skilled entertainer.

Ha! Well, your secret's safe
with me.

You keep your little wet nose
out of it.

Mrs Chummy, if he doesn't want to,
I'd love to have a go.

"Friends, campers, countrymen -
lend me your knees!"


Mavis, how many times?

The reason Chummy's has
lasted so long

is because everyone knows
their place.

And your place is at the end
of this!


How was your chalet, Father?

Quite sufficient for one night.

They don't really go in
for home comforts here.

They want you out and about,
having fun.

Speaking of which, I have to go
and find the Inspector.

I'll see you later, Father.

Father Brown?

I'm Sandy.

Sandy Beauchamp.

And I've come to show you
the Island of Dreams.

You must be a...

- Orangecoat.
- Oh, yes!

Of course.

- Is it fun?
- Oh, yeah. Every day is so exciting.

Some days it's quite hard
to finish my breakfast.

And what would you say was the
secret of Chummy's success?

Er, variety.

Everywhere you go,
there's a new gay adventure.

So, shall I take you to the lady
who made it all happen?


Hello, campers.

It's knobbly knees time!

So, whether your knees are bonny
or bony,

bring them along to our magnificent
outdoor pool.

Oh, Father Brown!

Our illustrious guest.

I was most surprised to be invited.

Oh, I've always been very interested
in the church.

The liturgy, the traditions.

You are very welcome at Mass

I said I was interested.
I didn't say I was obsessed.

But it's so nice to have you here.

Allow me to give you the grand tour.

Now, my husband, Charlie, was one
of the big nobs

of the entertainment industry.

But so many of his childhood

were ruined by the rain.

So, back in 1933, he dreamed of
a place

where the fun flows freely
and rain never stops play.

20 years on, here we are!

Oh, later on, we're having a little
talent contest

if you fancy giving us a turn?

I know one or two songs.

- What about...
- No, no, not now.

I don't want to pre-judge.

This is a very special place.
Dream Cottage.

Charlie and I used to live here.

I still do, and it's very much
the beating heart

of the operation.

- Mrs Chummy?
- Hm?

- I'm intrigued.
- Yes?

The swimming pool is such
a feature of Chummy's,

and yet, in 1938, it was a sandpit.

Was it?

I think we were just
conserving water.

Mrs Chummy,
I don't like to interrupt.

Well, then, don't.

But I've just found out that Sylvia,

who was due to do the
sports day today,

- has got a gippy tummy.
- And?

And I thought maybe I could
help out.

- I could organise the limbo dancing.
- Indeed.

As you're so good at bending
backwards for the guests.

But you are not, and will never be,
an Orangecoat.

Haven't you got any floors to mop?

Yes, Mrs Chummy.

Sorry, Mrs Chummy.

I'm sorry. I do hope that didn't
seem too harsh.

It did a bit.

Well, I apologise, but here
at Chummy's,

we have to run a very tight ship,

which is why our trophy cabinet
is simply

groaning with awards.


Oh! This is someone's idea
of a joke!


- Mavis!
- Yes, Mrs Chummy?

Will you get rid of this?

Roll up! Roll up!

Who wants to roll up their
trouser legs,

expose their knees to the breeze?

Come on, sir, it's just
a bit of fun.

I fail to see the appeal
of naked kneecaps.

First prize is a barrel of beer.

John, hold my coat.


Don't tell me it's a mortal sin
to expose one's kneecaps?

On the contrary,
the Bible is clear,

one should not hide one's light
under a bushel.

Very droll.

JOCK: Right, let's get them lined up
by the... tedium.


Is everything all right, mate?
No, its not.

I didn't want to do this.

And they're far too close
to the edge!

Where's Mavis? She's supposed to be

Mavis? What are you talking about?

Is everything tickety-boo?

Jock's just having a moment.

Well, you take over the competition.

And, Jock, come with me.

I want a word with you.

Mind if I join you?

It's a free country.

How did you get on in the knobbly
knees contest, Inspector?

Go on, sir. Don't be modest.

Third prize.

Mrs McCarthy may have found fame
with her scones,

but I have won a prize
for my patella.


♪ We're off to Egypt

♪ Underneath the desert sun

♪ No place like Egypt

♪ Far away from everyone

♪ So we say farewell
to Chummy's

♪ Heading for the land of mummies

♪ We're off to Egypt

♪ Come along and join the fun. ♪

So, here I am.

On the trail of the rootin'

- But what's that sound?

Is it my black pudding coming back
to haunt me?

Look who it is!


Well, I'm sorry, ladies and


Look who it is!

It's Uncle Jock!

But he's not going to help.

He's all wrapped up.




Well, wasn't that fun, everybody?

But yummy, yummy, yummy -
there's a rumbling in my tummy!

- Thank goodness it's time for...


Kembleford police!
Everyone stay right where you are!

- Mrs Chummy, are you all right?

Mrs Chummy?

Mrs Chummy? Move out the way,

Oh! Oh, Mrs Chummy!

Just take some deep breaths.
You'll be all right.


There must be a homicidal
maniac about!

Perhaps we should turn off
the microphone?

Requiem aeternam dona ei, Domine,
et lux perpetua luceat ei.

Offerentes eam in conspectu


You can go now, Padre.

She's been strangled.

I'm well aware of that, thank you.

And on the 20th anniversary
of her husband's creation.

And you think the date
is significant?

Indeed I do. Earlier today,
I saw a clown statue

dressed as the Grim Reaper.

It now looks as if it was
a prophecy.

Oh, Lord. Oh, blessed David and all
the saints.

I don't think I'll be able
to sleep tonight.

They'll put us under
police protection.

If there is someone out there.

Oh, it's you.

Now, I have to ask,
are you the real thing,

or is this fancy dress?

The real thing.

At least, I try my best.

Any sign of the Inspector?

He's talking to Jock,

who'll be telling him
theatrical anecdotes.

Oh, he'll be gone till doomsday.

I understand Mr McCudgeon was here
from the very beginning?

Yeah, that's right. And he's always
saying he's going to be here

till Old Father Time brings down
the curtain.

Well, that won't be possible now,
will it?

- Chummy's will have to close.
- No!

We can't close!

We're booked solid till the end
of the season.

We've got the big show tonight!

The show must go on?

I-I think so. There are people

from all over the country.

Not now, Father.

Someone seems in a bit of a hurry.

Hello, everyone.

Tea? Coffee? Ovaltine?

Mavis, what are you doing here?

What do you mean?

The police told us to sit and wait
to be interviewed.

Yeah, but they've done me.

So I thought I'd give out
some refreshments.

- Is that wise?
- What?

You're not suggesting that I'm
trying to poison people?

No, I never said that.

They spoke to me first!

- They let me go.
- They know I'm innocent.

Mavis Jug?

I'm arresting you on suspicion
of the murder

of Mrs Marjorie Chummy.