Farscape (1999–2003): Season 4, Episode 20 - We're So Screwed: Part 2: Hot to Katratzi - full transcript

The crew has managed to rescue Aeryn, but Scorpius was captured. Fearing he might reveal wormhole technology to the Scarrans, the crew must rescue him. As the Peacekeepers, and Scarrans, negotiate a peace, Crichton offers some they all want to the highest bidder. Scorpius's allegiances are slowly revealing.

Previously on Farscape.

Katratzi.

It's the name of a place. The
place where they took Aeryn.

I gave you a chance.
Where is Crichton?

Katratzi.

That's the name of the base.
Where is it?

Disguises its presence by mirroring the
orbit of one of the moons of Tralask.

I know that planet.

The female is pregnant.
Her fetus must be saved.

Is there a suitable recipient
for transplant?

Please...



What about Scorpius?
- What about him?

Well, he might have been captured.
- Or killed.

Harvey? You're not dead.

I am the undead.

That's not funny.

Scorpius knows
everything you know.

Memories, thoughts, dreams.

Wormhole technology.

No! No.

You must go back for him.

And now on Farscape.

Where does it hurt, Scorpius?

Here?

Or here?



Tell me what you know
about wormholes, hmm?

Even the smallest secret, and
I'll leave you in peace for an arn.

I've been searching my whole
life for a female like you.

This is madness.

Could be genius, Sparky.

You know, there's a very fine
line between the two.

Geniuses make plans.

We're going to walk into the most heavily
guarded base in the Scarran Empire,

start a civil war and
walk out with Scorpius.

What part of that do you
not understand?

How you two can possibly
believe it'll work.

We've been spotted.

Ko-nach! Ko-nach ket!

Nach-ca vay-taf ver-ee yay-ret!
- John Crichton, Ill-ka doz-ka-vet.

What did you just say?

Can't you ever listen
to the plans?

I told them that we're
escorting John Crichton,

and he wants to join
the negotiations.

Oh, great. Now they're
guaranteed to blow us to hezmana.

Keep it down!

In noch het-za tye-um.

They've just given us
clearance to dock.

That's it. I need it now.

It's not too late to
change our minds.

Thank you.
- That's true.

But we just passed the
Jenek freighter,

which means that Scorpius
is probably nearby.

That's it?

That's it.

Mankind's greatest contribution
to the absurd.

A thermonuclear bomb.

My name is John Crichton,
an astronaut.

Three years ago I got shot
through a wormhole.

I'm in a distant part
of the universe

aboard this living ship of
escaped prisoners,

my friends.

I've made enemies.

Powerful, dangerous.

Now all I want is to
find a way home

to warn Earth.

Look upward and share
the wonders I've seen.

Emperor Staleek.

Despite what your Minister
of War might believe,

this offer of peace is genuine.

Every day you fail to
take it seriously,

we build more and more
wormhole weapons.

Soon, the urge to use one will
become irresistible.

Not to interrupt your bluster,

but we have a guest who should
make these talks even more amusing.

John Crichton.

And partner. What did we miss?

You've taken a great risk
coming here.

Why shouldn't I just have
you seized right now?

Well, maybe this.

What's that?

Plutonium core, tritium shell.
Does that translate?

A fission bomb.

Put those down!

Nice threads.

You must be the Emperor.

Now, before anybody decides
to get clever,

you should know I have multiple deadman's
sensors from every culture on my ship

and a few cultures
I haven't heard of.

My heart stops,

we all go boom.

My heart speeds up,
it's boom again.

Too hot, too cold,
too happy, too sad,

thirsty, hungry, bored,

it's John Lee Hooker time.

Boom, boom, boom.

And you try your little
psychic trick,

kaboom.

And we're all pushing up
day-glo daisies.

Why do I doubt that?

Because you lack imagination?

What do you want?

What do I... want?

What do I want?

I have not been chasing my ass all over the
galaxy, trying to pull out chunks of my brain.

I have not been sneaking fembots and
Skreeths into the places where I live.

You want something.

You.

You want what's inside my head.

You want what I know
about wormholes.

Because I can leap tall
galaxies in a single bound.

I can scorch planets with
a wave of my hand,

and you, and you... and you?

You can't do jack.

That's not true.

Oh, really?

You command the stars
to do your bidding?

I know you can't.

And you can't.

And you won't.

But I have.

Then why are you here?

Because I am an American.

And what does an American want?

Democracy?

Capitalism!

I want to sell out
and settle down.

For one day only, it's a blue
light special on aisle three.

My wormhole technology,

and a free set of steak knives,

for all the tea in China.

And anything you can
imagine to pay me.

Pay?

Yes, pay.

Cash.

He's crazy.

Isn’t it fun?

Welcome to my cold war.

Now, what am I offered for all
the powers of the universe?

I think Crichton's bluffing.

The bomb isn't real, and
he has nothing to give us.

He's come for Scorpius.

We know they're working together. At
the Border Station, the two of them...

Get me a full analysis of Crichton's
weapon, and how to disarm it.

Why would Crichton risk so much
just to rescue an ally?

He may be in league with
Commandant Grayza,

to prevent Scorpius from giving
us wormhole technology.

Ridiculous.
- It was Crichton's females who rescued Grayza.

From your clumsy attempt
to abduct her.

Oh!
- Another one of your failures,

Minister Ahkna.

Lovely of them to invite us in.

They did not have much of
a choice, did they?

Well, I think we've located all
of the surveillance devices.

Pilot's enhanced the encryption
so Comms should be secure.

Anyone have any problems, phone home, Fat
Man and I will throw our weight around.

You all know the plan.

Ooh. Uh, no, refresh me.

Wrinkles.
- Yes?

Charrids.

Mmm.

Kalish.

Recon.

Peacekeepers!

A peace conference with the
Emperor. Very brave of you to enter Scarran space.

Could say the same for you.

John Crichton.

Do not destroy the
Sebacean people.

You don't need me for that.

You're doing a great
job on your own.

Everything that I have done has
been calculated to gain peace.

So you betray the Luxans?

Maybe you should
check your math.

Give us wormhole weapons
and everyone will be safe.

Didn't she say she
already had that?

Mmm.

We are very, very close.

You know that we have sent
Prowlers into wormholes.

If I can buy peace,
even for an arn or two,

perhaps we can develop them.

And what will you do?

Kill billions of your rivals?

Hey, maybe kill us.

Then name your price, Crichton.

Anything that you can imagine.

Aye... there's the rub.

You see...

I can't figure a way out
of this situation.

But the first side that does...

wins.

I'm to allow them
onto their ship?

If they wish.

Crichton and his crew have negotiated
full access to all common areas,

and we will acquiesce,

for the time being.

Ah.

Hey.

Let me ask you something.

You short-faced Scarrans,
you all look alike, ya know?

But, uh, were you...

were you, uh, down...
down on the Border Station?

Yes.

Then you were the one that, uh

that ordered Aeryn and me
to be cut open.

Yeah.

I got another one for you.

Do Scarrans have mivonks?

Yes...

but they're not external.

Because the Kalish had no idea
'cause he's a frelling hapooda!

Ah, don't you Charrids
ever bathe?

Listen, uh,

the Scarrans have nothing decent to
drink, and I won't drink with the Kalish.

Got any raslak?

Sit down.

Thank you.

Secretary Vakali?

What are you doing here?
This is a restricted area.

I have urgent information.

I believe the Charrids are trying to
expel the Kalish from Katratzi by force.

And who are you to possess such
erroneous intelligence?

Just like you, I am a
devoted Kalish.

Without us to administer
their empire,

the Scarran system of
governance will collapse.

What if they fear you will
take it away from them?

Please.

Please, Secretary,
we need to talk.

Sir,

you're too prominent to
be seen with her.

I will speak to her.

Ah...

Oh...

That is terrible.

Even the Scarrans should
treat you better.

What do you want, Luxan?

Me? I've got what I want.

Oh?

You enjoy traveling with a group
of thieves and a Hynerian slug?

You would, too, if you were
being paid what I'm being paid.

Which is what?

I think you better take that
up with my employer.

What's this?

Dinner?

"This" is opportunity.

You will submit identification details
before we can process a background analysis.

I will not submit for a
background appraisal.

You will trust me as
I am or I am gone.

Now... what of your background?

How many other Bioloids
are here?

I am the one Resistance member
to infiltrate this posting.

How much hatred exists here
between the Charrids and the Kalish?

Even more than the
outer worlds.

There's more at stake.
Bigger egos.

Then I will be straight
with you.

We want to ignite that hatred

and we want to use it as a
cover for our escape.

Will you help us?

1812, get that Scarran vacuum
cleaner outta' here.

That's a good boy.

Do you think she's
figured it out yet?

I don't think so. She still
looks pretty damned stressed.

I'm not surprised.

If she doesn't go home
with a peace treaty,

she's going to be in a lot of
trouble with High Command.

I reckon.

As long as your stress levels
are all right.

Ah, well, considering the fact
that we're now nuclear terrorists.

Bomb seems to think I'm okay.

Provided that thing's working.

It's working.

Oh, you are dangerous.

Well you better keep
away, then.

Sire. We have a good scan of
Crichton's fission device

but decoding it could
take some time.

Not if you expect to prosper.

You came back.

Couldn't figure a way to
disarm my bomb, huh?

Not yet.

Refreshment.

Crystherium Utilia.

An acquired taste.

Streletzia.

Hummingbird feeder.

You know of our delicacy?

Bird of paradise? Yeah, Mom's
garden. Dime a dozen.

Did you come all this way to discuss botany?
- Or to make an offer?

Have you got anything to offer? Or
is all this just an elaborate bluff?

You don't believe that I can
control wormholes?

Would you believe
without proof?

Fine. We'll meet you halfway.

Navigational data chip.
Local star chart.

Send a ship to the designated coordinates
and let us know when they arrive.

Why?

Proof.

Command performance.

We're gonna put on the
wormhole show, just for you.

Not interested, huh?

I'm sure Grayza will be.

Wait.

Dispatch a Stryker with full
instrumentation to these coordinates.

Have you checked
Crichton's ship?

No. It's protected by
a force field.

We may be able to override it.

Do so. Check its logs,
its star charts.

Get all the information you can.

This is folly. Crichton plainly
knows nothing about wormholes.

And Scorpius does?

We'll soon find out.

He's ready for his
final inquisitor.

You're very resilient, Scorpius.

It must be my Scarran genes.

We could trade places
and find out.

How would you like
to punish me?

If you want the pleasure
of knowing,

release me for an arn.

Oh, I wish we had more time.

But what I need to know now is
what you do know about wormholes.

You torture me and I will amuse
myself with dreams of you.

Kill me and my knowledge
will die with me.

Are you sure?

Even if an old friend helped
you to the other side?

Stark!

There's no way to escape,
Scorpius.

Not even into death.

Because as you're making your
agonizing passage to the other side,

I'm going to capture your
soul and with it,

everything you know.

Oh, I've waited many a cycle
for this, Scorpius.

Dreamed so many
sleepless dreams.

Every dashed hope, every plunge
into terrified despair

that I suffered at your hands
in the Aurora Chair.

But rather than the two cycles that
fate gave you to screw with my soul,

she's only given me two arns
to be finished with you.

So, I guess I better be a
little more imaginative.

I think this may have
possibilities.

Listen to this.
- What?

Listen. Can you hear that?

That's Scorpius.

You sure?
- Yes, yes, I'm sure. Completely.

You go tell Crichton.

I'll try and find out where they're keeping him.
- Okay.

Scorpius can't possibly
hold out much longer.

If he hasn't broken already.

Rygel?

Oh, the Scarrans will never
make you rich.

I can make you rich, if you come and work for me.
- Rygel?

Rygel is busy at
the moment, John.

Sikozu?

Everything is going to plan.

The plan is too slow.
Speed things up, please.

Yeah, well, we're going
as fast as we can.

I will try, but I'll need
some time, John.

Why do we never have
enough time?

Why should I go to work for
a frelling Hynerian,

when I'm already a General in
the Scarrans' service?

Ha, that'll end very soon,

when the Scarrans sever all
ties with the Charrids.

You're a lying slug!

They're going to war with
the Peacekeepers.

But not with you as
their allies.

Just with the Kalish.

Hah! The Kalish are just Techs.

Well, the Scarrans are building
a wormhole weapon.

They need Techs, not soldiers.

And the Kalish know it.

That's why they're planning to
sabotage the Charrids

by embarrassing you in front
of the Scarrans.

They would never be so
bold as to do that!

Ha! They are as stupid as
the Kalish say they are.

Join me before the Scarrans
throw you off this rock.

Crichton's fission device.

It's all just spare parts, mostly salvaged
from devices I've never seen before.

I don't care if it's made out
of your mother's bones.

I need to know how to
disarm it.

We just need a few
solar days...

You don't have them!

Either you'll disarm it now, or
I'll find some species that will.

What do you think?

It's just like she said.

The Charrids are trying to
incite the Scarrans against us,

and it's starting to work.

And what about Scorpius?

Uh, he's somewhere
on this level.

All right. Well if we can't
make it to Lo'La,

we're going to be looking for
alternate escape routes.

To the surface?
- Mm.

I'll keep looking.
- Thank you.

You have cost me a Stryker
and its crew.

Really? How did I do that?

At your coordinates, a wormhole
opened and swallowed them up!

What... what did you do?
Oh, no.

Do not tell me you ordered
them into the wormhole.

She told you to call us
when they got there!

You should've warned me!

Don't lay this off on me!

You wanted proof, you got it.

Did you cause that
wormhole to open?

No. No more freebies.

You wanna do a deal, or you want
me to sell it to the Peacekeepers

so they can gobble up
all of your warships?

Do not threaten me.

I'm not threatening?

I'm just a guy with
something to sell.

You don't wanna buy it,
I'm sure someone else will.

I didn't push him
too hard, did I?

He'll make an offer.

An entire cavern just to grow
the flowers they eat?

And it's a high security area.

Why?

We don't know.

But only the Charrids are
supposed to have the access codes.

So if anyone else
enters the cavern,

the Scarrans will assume the
Charrids left it accessible.

Like... this.

You stole the codes.

Which is what the Charrids
will suspect.

And they will confront us.

Crichton, we've found a much
faster way to incite a riot.

- That's great.
- Let me hear it... later.

Nice pants.

Hey, Braca.

You look a little lost.

Does Mommy know you're here?

Does Mommy know he's
Scorpius's boy?

Oh, no. Mommy doesn't know.

Are you here to rescue him,
or kill him?

Stark. Conceal yourself.

We're here to see Scorpius.

Come in.

Just you.

John...

Grasshopper.

That's a nice hat.

Ahkna don't!

What do you say?

Too happy? Too sad?

Too cold? Too hot?

Let's see, hmm?

I know you have a
real nuclear device,

but I'm sure you can disarm it.

Ahh, come on.

I would, but I can't,

so I won't.

You're bluffing.

What? So much for
nuclear deterrents.

Get ready to kiss your ass
goodbye, Castro.

You're insane.

Release her.

You all right?

Yeah.
- You're mad.

Just played a game of chicken.
Did I win?

Just. This time.

You take the initiative
next time.

I'll take it now.

Not yet.

Aeryn.

You found Scorpius being tortured
and you just left him there?

- It's not time, yet.
- That's why we're here.

Morning.

As long as this helps
start the conflict.

Yes, it will.

Might even get
yourselves killed.

Then we'll all go together.

Good luck.

Well...

Give me your hand.

Put it on my shoulder.

Come here.

All right, stand on my feet.

Comfortable?

Mm-hmm. You?

Hold tight.

I don't care what you think the
Kalish might or might not do.

The Scarrans would never
dissolve our partnership.

What partnership?

You aren't their partners.

You're nothing more than
ill-paid, ill-treated and...

...ill-smelling servants.

I don't think so.

Is this our floor?

I don't know. Have to get out
and have a look around.

Intruder alert in the
Crystherium chamber.

Quick! Check it. Now!

Hurry!

Never knew Scarrans were
so sentimental.

No one around.

So.

What do you want to do
to get noticed?

I got arrested once.

College.

Let me show ya.

What are you doing here?
Come out. Now!

Damn.

Up. Now!

It's never enough time.

Who gave you the codes?
- What codes?

Codes? We didn't need
no stinkin' codes.

You could not have accessed
the cavern without codes.

We didn't try to
access anything.

Some Charrids got off the
elevator. We got on, we got off...

Well, we tried to get off.
We got interrupted.

Which Charrids?

Are you serious?
They all look alike.

You should put numbers on
their uniforms.

The Charrid troops are
your responsibility.

I'll order a full inquiry.

You know, while you're at it,
give me Scorpius.

You want Scorpius? Why?

Is it because he's going to give
us what you're trying to sell us?

No. Because the hat lady is pissing
me off and I wanna piss her off.

Tit for tat. Call it a whim.

And I don't like watching people
be tortured who don't know anything.

What do you know about
wormholes, Scorpius?

Tell me!

I know nothing!

You're lying.

You tell me.

I said, I know nothing.
Know nothing.

It's a normal part of
the procedure.

He, um, he's strong.
He's very strong.

That means, when he finally breaks,
it'll be all the more catastrophic.

You promised me...
- That I would break him, not that he knows anything.

But if he does,
you will know...

What is happening in here?
- You wanted the information taken from him.

Alive.

I said alive.

And have you learned anything?
- No, not yet, but I...

Crichton has destroyed a Stryker
and found a way into the caverns.

But you have achieved nothing.

Get out.

This is my jurisdiction.

Not unless I say it is.

Now get out.

All of you.

I'll get the truth from him.

I thought you said she
couldn't harm you.

And she couldn't. I'm fine.

Quite fine.

I've caused enough harm in
my time to mimic it well.

We still haven't found a way of
disarming Crichton's weapon.

But he has demonstrated a
convincing command of wormholes.

I can separate him
from the bomb.

He trusts me.

More than he realizes.

Just bring him to me.

Will you? Or will you
betray me?

I've served you for
ten cycles as a spy.

Why would I betray you now?

Betray me and you will die
in this machine.

But deliver Crichton's
knowledge to me,

and all the power you seek
will be yours.

Thank you for returning.

What is it?

I would like to make an
addition to my offer.

I'll have the Kung Pao chicken.

You want a spring roll?

Actually, they're a pardon from
the Supreme Council.

No Peacekeeper would
dare violate them.

She for real?

It would seem so.

However, it is conditional.

Of course.

On no wormhole technology being
shared with the Scarrans.

What if we give these back?

Still valid.

She wouldn't dare destroy them.

I've witnessed them. So have
all our principal officers.

Keep it.

We'll let you know.

Guys, listen up.

They're bringing him now.

One riot, well done,
hold the mayo. Now.

Your troops compromised the
security of the cavern.

No! That is not what happened.

We're very close to
a conflict now.

This ain't horseshoes or hand
grenades. "Now" means now!

A bargain is struck.

However, an agreement requires trust,
which thus far has been one sided.

Now you tell me what else
you really want.

When you wake up in the morning
on your big emperor bed,

and you listen,
what do you hear?

Do you hear the little emperor
birdies singing outside your window?

Do you hear the emperor wind
whistling through the trees?

Or do you hear people dying?

Do you hear your friends
begging for mercy?

Do you hear doors being kicked
in because people are hunting you?

Do you hear the sound of your
heart pounding in your ears?

What I want,

Santa Claus,

For the rest of my life,

I wanna wake up
like an emperor.

Your safety guaranteed.

In just a few arns.

Bill Gates can't guarantee Windows.
How you guarantee my safety?

With great effort,
and great sincerity.

Though at some point,
my largesse will dissipate.

My appreciation.

My ass.

Did you tell them?

No.

Wormholes!

My brain. Harvey.

What did you tell them?!

Nothing!

Listen up.

I am Johnny Radiation
because of you, Nosferatu.

Everyone I care about west of
the Moon is here and in danger

to make sure that you keep
your mouth shut.

Now!

Did you keep your mouth shut?

Yes!

John...

You believe him?

Yes, I do.

Good.

Kill him and let's go.
- What?

Kill him and let's go.
- We came here to free him.

No, we came here to make sure that my
knowledge didn't slip out of his mouth.

Kill him, Aeryn, and let's go.

Oh, you want me to kill him?
- Well, I'm not the assassin, am I?

If you want him to die,
you can kill him yourself.

You made me promise that I wouldn't.
- Well I release you from that promise.

Say that again.
- I release you from that promise.

Thank you.

I'll give you my bike
if you kill him.

May I speak?

No.
- No.

He's telling the truth.
We'll sort you out later.

Guys, I apologize in advance for any
incivility or insensitivity on my part,

but it is beer o'clock.

where the hell is my riot?

The logs show your Lieutenant
had just returned from the cavern.

Whose logs? His?

Kalish documentation.

What are you implying, Rahzaro?

Oh! You're going to get it.

That our intruder could not decipher the
access codes to the cavern by himself.

Someone had to have
given them to him.

I protest this
baseless accusation.

Then find out where the
fault does lie.

I expect a full account from
each side in less than two arns.

Ha!

Tear down the system
to the foundation.

Find the leak!

I will not be humiliated
by you, Vakali.

You will not destroy my
relationship with the Emperor.

What the frell are you
blathering about, Charrid?

Your security forces prove useless
and you seek to refocus the blame!

Useless? My forces, useless?!

Ordering biscuits and repairing
urinals has never won a war.

And neither have you,
if I recall.

Insult a Charrid at
your own risk,

Kalish hapooda.

"Hapooda"?

You dare to call me "hapooda"?

And I bet... not a
very good one.

What is this?

Stop it.

Stop it at once.

Strike Warriors to the
Control Center.

Confiscate all weapons!

Now, Crichton. Leave now.

And never doubt your
Dominar again.

I must go.

Sha-kana-sho.
- Sha-kana-sho.

Go!

We've been sabotaged. The
Charrids and Kalish are fighting.

Guards. Secure Crichton
and report.

Scorpius.
We must secure Scorpius.

Don't worry about Scorpius.

He's not going anywhere.

Everyone, go.
We're on the move.

Some help would be appreciated.

Where do you expect us to run?

Got a taxi waiting. First rule
of piss poor planning:

have your exit ready
before your entrance.

What? This disturbance?

Yeah, pretty cool, huh?
- Yes, I'm impressed.

There's just no pleasing
some people.

Remain where you are,
or I'll shoot.

Release your weapons now.

Braca?

Yeah, feel the love, Mr. Burns.

Frell.

Hey, can you help us?
We're... we're afraid.

You have to turn back.
Can't pass here.

It works!

We're getting close.
Don't leave without us.

Warrior. Can you take this
Kalish piece of tralk?

What do you want me...

Nice.

Hurry up!
- We try it a third time?

Warrior.
- What?

Could you take this Kalish
piece of tralk?

We're almost home. There it is.

D'Argo's vessel, even shrouded
cannot outrun a Stryker!

Moya's disguised as an ore
freighter in the shipping yards.

She's rested and ready
to Starburst.

Oh, crap.

Aeryn.

We can broker a bargain.

Where's your nerve, Grasshopper?

Just stick with me,
they ain't gonna pop Fat Man.

I can't!

You better not pass out.

Get up, or I kill you now.

Choose.

You need to know when
a woman's serious.

Are you coming?

Okay.

Drop your weapons.

Don't fire or you'll
detonate the bomb.

Well there you go.
Someone finally got smart.

You stupid son of a bitch!

I'm sorry, John,

but you need to breathe deeply
if you expect to live.

You're gonna get us all killed!

Now, if you trust me
enough to live,

you may well discover
the truth.

Trust you?

Trust you?