Farscape (1999–2003): Season 4, Episode 12 - Kansas - full transcript

Previously on Farscape.

I will find them again, and when I
do, they will pay for this humiliation.

I finally figured out wormholes.

You did it. All that wormhole
nonsense we put up with.

Wormholes are his obsession.

Wormholes bridge space-time,
creating a unique ability to navigate.

The moment the Ancients implanted that
knowledge, you exist to service a larger...

No! No.

What do you desire
with wormholes?

For starters? Go home.

D'Argo? Pilot?



Whoops.

And now on Farscape.

Home.

That really is Kansas.

D?

Pilot, can you hear me?

No, 'course not.

Nothing.

I can't believe I'm
gonna die here.

It's the most beautiful thing
I've ever seen.

John.

Where are you?

D'Argo?

- Son of a bitch!
- How can you hear me?



I don't know. The wormhole
keeps opening and closing.

Where are you?

Don't worry about that right
now. Just do exactly what I say.

Follow my instructions.

Lock onto my voice signal.

When the wormhole opens
again, follow it.

Pilot, I'm leaving Sikozu and
Scorpius on board.

You can't leave fek-face here.

To make sure he doesn't
do anything,

I'd like you to begin to lock
down all the systems.

Beginning power down... now.

The rest of us are going
after Crichton.

Shee-aw.

Pilot, I don't see any
wormhole out here.

500 bottles of beer on the
wall, 500 bottles of beer,

take one down, pass it around...

Pilot, I'm still not
getting any reading.

The coordinates are exact.

Wait for it.

...one down, pass it around...

Everybody okay?
- He did it.

...beer on the wall, 6 bottles of beer,
- There he is.

John, we're here. We made it.

Hey, you're early!

I still got a six pack.
Where are ya?

We're coming in behind you.

Turn around and prepare
for immediate retrieval.

All right.

D, I need a radio signal.

Coming in clean, John.
Nothing's locking onto us.

Just need to know
what year it is.

Okay. Got something.

...on the Senate floor.

Commenting from the White House,
President Reagan told reporters

the situation in Nicaragua had
unraveled to such an extent

that the State Department...
- What's the matter?

Reagan was president
in the 1980s.

Einstein said if I came back before
I left, it would screw things up.

D, we need to get down there
and check it out.

Okay.

Home.

I can't believe I'm home.

Touchdown!

D. Keep everybody off Comms
and the ship invisible.

I'm just gonna check
things out.

Einstein said if there was a
problem with the timeline,

it would start close to me.

Oh, Betty.

Dad, Dad, you ready?

Mom!

Hey!

Congratulations, honey.

We're so very proud of you,
aren't we?

Sure are.
- You guys shouldn't have gone to the trouble.

That looks good.

Give me a kiss. Thank you.

Did you do that?
- Johnny?

Did you do the writing on that?
- Looks pretty nice.

What about the champagne?
Are you gonna open it for us?

I'll get to it, Mom.

That's me.

Son of a gun.
- Olivia, I can't wait to have a slice.

You sure we just can't
cut to the cake?

Lift off. The 25th Space Shuttle
mission and it has cleared the tower.

Oh, God.

D. I don't know how I did it, but
my dad's going up on the Challenger.

John, what are you
talking about?

1986. The Challenger space shuttle
exploded, killing everyone on board.

My dad wasn't on that flight.

My name is John Crichton,
an astronaut.

Three years ago I got shot
through a wormhole.

I'm in a distant part
of the universe

aboard this living ship of
escaped prisoners,

my friends.

I've made enemies.

Powerful, dangerous.

Now all I want is to
find a way home

to warn Earth.

Look upward and share
the wonders I've seen.

Not to be insensitive, but
in the scheme of things,

well, what does it matter if
your father flies and dies?

My father got me started
in avionics.

No Dad, no Farscape project.

You stay in Peacekeeper custody,
she remains a Nazi,

she ends up on Nebari Prime.

We get it. How do we fix this?

Einstein said the change ripples
out from the first mutation.

We fix that, everything else
falls back into place.

So if you can get your father to
refuse this Challenger flight...

Everything should turn
back to normal.

Look, we can't all stay here.

I don't know how long
this is gonna take.

But I know a place we
might hang out.

And we have one piece of luck.

Tomorrow's Halloween.
- What's that?

Well, that's something that means
you're gonna fit in just fine, Grandma.

The dust on this planet is
playing havoc with my sinuses.

Shee-aw, what's all this?

Cops busted the owner for drugs.

They sealed the place up.

For a while, there were some
gang kids living here.

Drad.

Are those jeans?
Let me see those.

Here.

This is your home?

No, Rygel, it's not my home.

Don't worry, we're only gonna
be here for a couple of arns.

Just gotta find a way to keep my
dad from going on the Challenger.

Yeah, these'll fit.

Y'all might wanna stay
out of sight.

We don't wanna screw up the universe
any more than I already have.

Good luck.

Get back in here!

Get back here now!

Not in the street!

Jack! Johnny!

Go check the Tarot cards, Mom!
- What?

They'll predict he'll walk
all over you again!

Stop! Just stop!

And I asked you what
I should do.

And then you did exactly
what you wanted!

Can we please move back inside before
the entire neighborhood calls 9-1-1?

Oh, just shut up, Mom, please.
- Don't you talk to her like that!

Don't touch me!

And don't you pretend to care
what I say to her!

You're not being fair, Johnny!
- You shut up, too!

Pal, you're angry with me, so
take it out on me, not on them!

Yo, hero, read the
middle finger.

Johnny!

Wait!

Jesus.

What the hell is wrong with
him?! He's so damned angry!

Jack, you know what's wrong.

Well, I'm gonna make
everybody's day!

I won't go Monday.
I'll go tomorrow.

Then you can throw
another party!

Come here. Come on.

Milk!

Oh God, milk.

Oh, wow.

What are you doing?

Just...

just having some milk...

K- Kim.

Do I know you?

I'm Fred.

Fred...

Fred Scarran.

From the Gainesville Scarrans.
We're family.

You do look a little
like Johnny.

I just saw him drive off in
Betty. Where's he going, the lake?

No, when he gets really steamed
up, he heads down to the canal.

Yeah.
- It's near...

No, I know where that is.

I like...

that spot...

you know with...
the overhang...

the tall trees.
- That's my favorite place.

Johnny hates it there.

Yeah, I know.

He shouldn't.

Milk?

Does a body good.

Turn on the lights, or black
out the whole city.

"Made in France."

Look at this studio filled
with fabulous prizes. -What the frell is that?

I have no idea.

This sensational twenty...

What do you think this means?

...beach party showcase.

Well, it must be some kind
of... a greeting.

Yeah, to a friend.

...hundred dollar
strand of pearls.

Hello, Wrinkles.

...thousand dollars just
waiting to be won on...

Wheel of Fortune.

And now here's your host...

Wheel...

Nice truck.

Betty.

Who are you?

My name's John. John Clarence.

You know, you should go to the
overhang more often. Kim likes it there.

What the hell are you doing?

Just checking your
suspension, bro.

Need you to do me a favor.

You have to talk to
your father.

I want him not to go up
on the shuttle.

Look, I don't know who you are,
but shove off.

Hey!

Okay, we don't hit.

We may shoot people sometimes,
but we don't hit.

Get off me, you...
- And no, I am not... You got problems.

You're gonna outgrow most of
'em. And I know why you're upset.

You got no idea!

Yes, I do. You think he
treats her badly.

How do you know that?

Same way I know you helped
D.K. cheat on his SATs.

You wanna go to college, boy?

Convince your dad not to
fly on the Challenger.

You're a spook, right?
Coming to test the family?

'Cause if you guys knew anything, you'd
know I can't convince my dad to do squat.

You're wrong.
- You're wrong.

He never listens.

Man, when you're right,
you're right.

D'Argo, you should study this.

"L, M, N, O, P, Q..."

Just a few of their words.
Just in case.

Chiana has already told me
a few words.

"Yes." "No." "Bite me."
That's all I need to know.

"R, S..." S.

This girl is slow.

Why are you wearing that?

Come on. Aren't you busting
to get out?

We're on Earth.
It's Crichton's hometown.

- John has told us to stay.
- Again with the Cookie Monster.

Crichton has gotten home.

If you don't screw this up, maybe
one day he can get me home, too.

- I don't wanna wait for one day.
- I wanna go exploring now.

Chiana!

I am not permitting you to go.

Can you keep it down?
I'm trying to listen.

You're not the captain
down here.

It's Halloween. I'll fit in.

Chiana, no!
- D'Argo, no! Don't go out there!

...Q, R, S, T, U, V...

- ...W, X, Y and Z...
- What is this?

I love you.

I love you, too.

Uh-oh.

Pilot, there's no need for
a complete shutdown.

Turn up the heat.

Scorpius. Sikozu.
We've got trouble.

Get up here.

Peacekeeper Marauders are
approaching at maximum speed.

Grayza and Braca are aboard.
- Well, Starburst.

No, if Moya does, she will never find
this wormhole's exact location again.

Crichton and the others...

Will be lost.

We must go now.

If you run, Grayza will assume Crichton
is aboard and she will hunt you down.

We let Grayza board.

She will see Crichton
is not here and...

She will kill me.

If Crichton is not here,
she will not hurt you, Pilot.

...our true love

Dreams that come and go
- Hey, nice outfit.

Goin' to a party?

Yeah.

You wanna lift?

Sure.

You can tell me 'bout
the pain you feel

...the wounds will
never heal, oh

'Cause love is blind

You like that?

Don't try to change my mind

Cool. So what's your name?

Chiana.

Was it Karen?
- Love is blind

Yeah.

Yeah, Karen.
- Love is blind

Shee-aw.

Karen Shaw, right?

The name's John Crichton.

'Cause love is blind

Crichton?
- Love is blind

What's the matter?

Drive. Drive.
- It happens all the time

Drive.
- It's not a crime

'Cause love is blind

Looks like an enforcer.

He has a weapon.

D'Argo, you should put
this on, too.

Aeryn knows enough English
to get us through.

Just remember the plan.

Plan doesn't work,
we use force.

It'll be fine.

Hello.

Ma'am.

How can I help you?

Uh, well, this house was, uh...

Abandoned by our uncle.

Would you like to come in?

Yeah, thanks.

Oh.

Listen, I'm afraid
I had a, uh...

A complaint from the lady.
Yes, I think she was scared.

She saw Kermit.

We thought the batteries were
dead, but it's just a silly toy.

Grandma, say excuse me.

Okay, where are you from?

- Uh...

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Don't move, pal!

It's all right, he's
just my brother.

It's Hallowin, remember?

He's, uh, he's dressed up.

In a mask.

That's a mask?

Yes, of course it is.

You're a little old to be dressing
up for Halloween, aren't you, pal?

No.

Yes.

Bite...

...me.

Okay, take off the mask,
pal. Now!

Take off the mask!

Take off the mask!

It's all right, okay.
- Stand back!

Toy sword.
- Excuse me.

There is no danger here.

See D'Argo remove his mask.

See the hoo-man you expect.

Then go and leave us alone.

Is there a problem, Officer?

Oh, no, no. No problem.

No problem. I'll just, uh...

I'll just go, man, and,
uh... you guys...

You guys... just, uh, you know,
do your own thing.

Happy Hallowin.

Uh-huh.
- Bye-bye.

You bitch! I think you
broke a rib.

- Shut up.

Well, we've done it now.

I have to go and find Crichton.

Thanks, ma'am.

Okay.

Oh, man. Like those clothes.

I hope this is all right.
It's all we could find.

Well, you kinda look like Cher.

Is that a good or a bad thing?

It works.

How are things going here?

Uh, situation normal.

It's getting worse.

Now my dad's leaving tomorrow.

Mom, I'm going.

Oh, hey...

Are you sure you don't want me
to drive you over?

I'll call you when I get
to Deb's house.

Okay.
- Bye, Mom.

Bye, honey.

Who? What?

That's my mother.

She died four years
before I left.

Now I'm gonna talk to her.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Do I know you?

No. No. I...

You read the cards?

I know it's silly.

Everybody thinks it is,
especially my son.

It's not. He's wrong.

He's just... young.

It's not silly.

It's a little strange.

But tha-that's why
I'm here. Um...

I did a reading in Gainesville,

and I, uh, saw your husband.

Jack?

Yeah.

Don't let him go tomorrow.

Make him stay till Monday.

I did a reading.

I... God...
is there something...

I don't know. Just don't let
him go this weekend. Don't...

Don't back down like
you always do.

How do you know that?

It's in your face.

You're a peacemaker.
Not a fighter.

Look, just... just don't
let him go.

I'm sorry I bothered you.
- Wait.

Are you sure I don't know you?

No.

You don't know me.

"It even brought tears
to my eyes..."

Just tell your father about the
crash and he won't go on the scuttle.

Shuttle. No, he probably wouldn't
believe me. It'd just make things worse.

What do you wanna do?

17 years ago, I got
trapped in a fire.

I was in a coma for two days.

My dad saved me.

Afterwards, when NASA called,
he refused to leave.

And you want to recreate that?

I wanna get as close as I can.

I'll get my old girlfriend to
bring my... self here.

We'll make sure my dad
saves me, light a fire.

I can help.

I can simulate a coma so...

No, no, no, no, Grandma.
You do not touch my body.

Where's Chiana?

Yeah, we used to get along.
We did stuff.

Now he just thinks we're part
of his crew or something.

Fathers.

You got trouble with yours?

Yeah.

The joke is...

I wanna go up there,
too, one day.

You will.

Nah, it's too tough.
It's a total bitch.

They only take the best.

I don't know. Maybe. One day.

Hello, Cookie Monster.

What are you doing?

He was snooping.

I'm running tests to make sure I don't
hurt Crichton if I put him into a coma.

Look...

I can do anything to him.

He doesn't feel a thing.
- Crichton told us not to make things worse.

Get him out of there.

Get him in.

Helmet.

Nearly lost him.

Machine. Go.

I think you might turn that.

It's all right.
Mind your own business.

Okay, prepare for engagement.

Excuse me.

Uh...

Activate the control collar.

Moya doesn't want a
control collar.

Please, we didn't try to run.

We didn't St-Starburst.

I told you I... I have no idea
where Crichton is.

Braca, if Crichton is aboard
this Leviathan, bring him to me.

Yes, ma'am.

Commence a full tier search.

I'll start in the
Neural Cluster.

Well, I arranged it with Kim.

I'm gonna meet my young self
at the canal tomorrow.

What are you doing?

Cutting. Just cutting.

Make them scary, you said.

Scary. Ooh.
- Hell, somebody got a sugar high.

You've been stealing candy,
Mr. Burroughs?

Oh Crichton, how illegal
is this dren?

You gotta get me more!
I don't care what it costs.

Buckwheat, breathe. Breathe.

Get some sleep.
You've got a big day tomorrow.

Okay, okay.

Good idea.

The Neural Turbines.

They will hide our heat
signatures.

You go.

Scorpius, we must hide until
the Peacekeepers have gone.

I'll be fine.

Go.

Check Tier Nine.

Yes, sir.

I'll go below.

You...

you're dead.

How many aboard the
Leviathan, Braca?

30 Peacekeepers...

and Grayza.

Will they follow you down here?

No.

Lieuten...

I mean, Captain.

Well done.

It's good to see you, sir.

Good morning, Florida!

I hope you having a very
scary Halloween.

Chief.

We've been looking for
you all night.

I saw you with them.

I don't know what you saw, Dot.

But I think I need a warrant.

The charges are almost ready.

It'll create more smoke
than fire.

Your father will have a quarter
of an arn to get you out.

I'll set a perimeter. Make sure
we're not interrupted.

And I've made enough syrup to keep
the kid unconscious for three arns.

Oh, don't worry, I've tested
it on the enforcer

so the boy won't wake in the
middle of the rescue.

We'll see. I'll go get my...
self, and I'll be right back.

Mmm. You smell nice.

Thank you.

Well, what do the cards say?

Oh, you're definitely staying.

They look happy.

I didn't see my parents
like that very often.

- Now you pick one?
- This better be good.

I never saw that in my sires.

Definitely.
- Oh, no, no.

You just want 'em to stay
like that.

You know, they think they got
all the time in the world.

But pretty soon, it's doctors.
Tests...

Well, this one isn't too bad.

Kim.
- Hey!

Hi.
- Hey.

Hi, I did what you told me.

Johnny doesn't wanna be here,
but I told him we had to talk.

He thinks I'm breaking up
with him.

Yeah, well you will.

What did you say?

Nothing. It's just...

You know, a girl like you.

Are you flirting with me?

Oh, no. Why would I do that?

No, I'm just...

Hey!

Whoa!

What the hell did you
do that for?

We're in a hurry.

So...

this is what...
what you're into.

She's a nice girl.

Well, if she's really
that nice,

how about you take care of her
and, uh, I'll take care of him?

No questions asked.

Trick or treat! Trick or treat!
- Come in.

Trick or treat!
- Over here.

Trick or treat, money or eat.

Cool toy.

I did it. I got candy.
I got it!

What the hell?

Rygel! Stop doing that!

But I love this, and you-you...
you won't buy me anymore.

I want Kit Kat and
M&M's and Pez

and Reeses Pieces!

Crichton, please!

D, you're all set?

Yeah, I'm just priming the
last charge.

Hey, Norati.

How much longer till...
till the syrup's ready?

Half an arn.

Can you keep him occupied?

I'll think of something.

I'm sure you can, hmm.

Okay.

Garage.

Yeah.
- Yeah.

This...

your... first?

Is this how you...

you imagined it?

Not in Betty.

I always thought it would be in
my dad's four-wheel drive.

Does Grayza know you're my spy?

No. But she'll figure it out
when she discovers you're alive.

She must never find that out.

We've got to stop her.

She's organizing a Peace
Initiative with the Scarrans.

They're using her.

They'll agree to everything, then betray
us, when their forces are battle ready.

What shall I do?

Stall her, Braca.

I'm not given to
exaggeration, but...

the future of Peacekeeper
survival depends on you.

I got the warrant.

Let's go search that house.

Everything is set.
You can do this?

No problem.

Just make sure everyone stays
out of sight until he drinks it.

Hey.

Here.

It's okay?

Yeah.

- We've got trouble.
- Two enforcers.

Stay down!

Hang on! You're the guy that...

Chiana, keep him down!

Crichton?
- What's happening?

Crichton!
- What's the matter?

Old woman!

Hey.
- I thought she tested the stuff.

Is this supposed to
be happening?

No pulse.

I've got no pulse!

This is the police! Open up!

Crichton...

Crichton, I know...
- What?!

Your arm.
- Police. Open the door.

We have a warrant to search
these premises.

Open up the door!

- Open the door.
- This is the police.

Where's Crichton?

I'm here. I've disappeared.

Calm down.
Everything's under control.

Under control? I'm gone!

What happens next,
I lose my voice?

I wish. Keep your... Keep it down.
- This is the police. Open up.

The Sheriff's body weight must be
greater so I gave the boy too much.

Bring me back!
- Just bring him back.

His body has stopped functioning and you
are ceasing, wherever you are, to exist.

We're gonna have to let
them in. Are you ready?

Yeah.

Two of them. You take the big one.
- Yeah.

Hello.
- Ma'am.

Hi.

Hey!

Grandma, fix me.

You're just a nooky.
Haven't you ever died before?

Move.

What are you doing?

Hey, is that it?

See? Nothing to worry about.
- Then why am I like this?

Well, I couldn't bring him back
too quickly so I don't really know,

but I think your
semi-corporeality won't last long,

so why don't you use your
condition to our advantage.

Fine. I'll go get my dad.

I'm Casper the friggin' joke.

Who are you people?

Aliens.

I'm gonna set the charges
for the smoke.

Right. Let's get him
into the garage.

Mom... it's me.

Johnny?

I love you.

I've wanted to tell you that
for a very long time.

What's the matter?

I'm in trouble.

I'm in the Carson house. Get Dad
and tell him to save me.

Jack! Jack!

Mom, listen.

When you first feel the
pain, don't...

don't wait.

- The initial scans were accurate.
- The Leviathan is empty.

- I assumed as much.
- I accessed the memory banks.

The Pilot has no idea where
Crichton's gone.

Braca, prepare the Marauders.

Set course for our meeting
with the Scarrans.

Yes, ma'am.

You two, come with me.

There's no way that Moya can
detect your presence.

But Crichton's DNA, which I provided for
you, will enable you to detect his presence.

So when he returns, as we know
he will, capture him alive.

Remember nothing.

Hurry.

Except for Karen Shaw,
in the four-wheel drive.

Remember nothing.

Okay, we gotta go.

Hey, Wrinkles, no, no, no.
It's time to go.

No. The sheriff must forget. He must.
- No, they're coming. Come on.

Is everyone else back
on the ship?

Yes. Jack's on his way.

John?!

John?

John!

Johnny!

Damn, he moves fast
for an old guy.

You're back.

Yeah, in more ways than one.
- Hello?

Damn. She's gonna screw things
up. My dad has to do it by himself.

Aeryn.

John?

Where are you?
John, are you here?

John?

You know, if he stays in there
too much longer it's gonna catch on fire.

Why do our plans never work?

Murphy's Law.

Son of a... D!

I'm gonna get myself.

You take Dad.

You all right?

I'm still here.

Try not to frown so much.

Good luck.

We've gotta go.
I'll start Lo'La.

Yeah. All right.

John!

Come on, pal. Breathe.

Breathe. You're gonna be okay.

Jack?! Johnny!
- Talk to me. Come on.

He's all right. He's okay.

I think it's time to go.

Johnny? Johnny, you okay?

I got no idea why nobody
else remembers.

I swear to God, I'm telling
the truth.

There was, um...

this guy and he was invisible.

And, um, this other thing that
had this long tongue.

He knocked me out with it.

And they left this...

Um... It's as a sign.

This has gotta...

...be like a message
or something.

'Cause no human could
have made this.

There's no way a human
could have made this.

How is everything else
on your planet?

We did okay.

Is there any way we can save those
people going aboard that doomed shuttle?

No.

Time must play out.

Crichton.

Can you hear me?

Yes, Pilot. Where are you?

Where you said to be.

Well, we're scanning now
and you're not here.

Yes, we are.

No, you're not.

Pilot, listen up,
this is important.

What year is it where you are?

Transmission from your Earth
indicates it's 2003.

Follow my signal.

Commander, come home.

Okay, I'm locking on now.

Here it comes.

By Lanet, another Earth.

No. Same Earth, Sparky,
just a different year.

Welcome home, son.

We've been waiting for
you a long time.

What's wrong, John?

Was it a bass or a trout?