Farscape (1999–2003): Season 2, Episode 13 - Look at the Princess: Part 3: The Maltese Crichton - full transcript

Crichton has been turned into a statue. Now someone has cut off his head, and everyone searches for it. Once it's reattached, he finds out he cannot be turned into a statue again, he ...

They look so....


I think he should have taken his pose more seriously.

I believe he did the best he could.

So what happens now?

For them, eighty cycles of government.

Boring, but ultimately advantageous.

And what do we do?

Scorpius has been asked to leave our system
within the solar day.

Once his Command Carrier vacates...

We hope that Moya returns and picks us up.

You really going to stay, Ryg?

Why not?

Crichton will need advising
and uh the food's good.

So, he can hear us?

Every word.

The acoustics of this chamber funnel
all sounds to them.

May we say goodbye?

I'll wait outside.


Hey D'argo.

He can hear us.

Do you feel any pain?

No, but I'd really love to pick my nose.

He remains without a sense of humor.

It's good to hear your voice, John.

Yours too.

Hey, can I say Hi to Chiana?


You look great in bronze.

You look great in pink.

Brings out your eyes.




I'm gonna double his statue!

I should be regent!

While enormously symbolic your Highness,

may I propose a more permanent tactic?


Are you sure he's still alive?

Of course!

Each cell is self- encapsulated.

As long as the parts stay in their metalized state,
he can be re- constituted.

Very impressive.

My uh Great- grandfather was broken in half
when the Senate collapsed after a ground shaker.

All he suffered was a severe limp.

Foundry acid should ensure this ruler fairs worse.

N- n- n- n- n- n- n- no, give it to me,
give it to me.

I know you can hear me, Crichton,
and I know you're scared.

Our laws state that a couple must rule together. Hm?

That's why the crown must soon pass to me,
because you can't rule with one little head!

My name is John Crichton...

an astronaut...

radiation wave hit me...

I got shot through a wormhole...

lost in some distant part of the universe...

on a ship

a living ship full of strange alien life- forms...

Listen please...

Is anybody out there who can hear me?

I'm Being hunted by an insane military commander...

Doing everything I can...

I'm just looking for a way home.

I propose that we start here
and traverse around.


You always this agreeable?

Am I being agreeable?

Well, everything I've suggested,

since the moment we met,

you've consented to.

They've all been good ideas.

And your proficiency at this is?

I've been rated expert.


That's clearly a local custom.
What's this one called?
Kiss your climbing partner?

Different local custom.

Kiss a woman you're attracted to.


You ready?

Whoever perpetrated this atrocity shall pay in kind!


Surely you don't think...


This planet is under stringent law until
my daughter's husband is made whole!

No one is to leave!

Or even contact their vessels!

Whether they purport to be a friend
of the crown or not!

Where is the one called Aeryn Sun,

the former Peacekeeper?

We don't know!

She was upset that Crichton was to marry the Princess,
I saw it with my own eyes!

You cannot possibly think that...

I can't possibly not!

Find her.

Bring her to us for questioning.

If you want someone with a motive
for stealing chriton's head

try that vigilant Scorpius!

Everyone is suspect, especially off worlders!

If Prince Clayvor assumes the throne,
I cannot guarantee your safety.

Find your friend's head!

Very fortunate I sampled your DNA
when you were in the Aurora chair.

There would have been no other way
to track you, Crichton.

Though the crystallization of your cells
was designed to withstand eighty cycles

of air born corrosives...


three arns...well....

a full on acid attack is all it takes.

You're beginning to pit!

And while I won't be able to retrieve your body...

I promise you...

the wormhole calculations you have in your mi...

Who's there?

Who's there?

You should use one of Moya's transport pods
instead that little one.

What do you care what I do?

All life is precious.

Yours should continue.

And Moya's shouldn't?

We have been through this.

Moya can produce gun ship offspring.

We did not intend the Universe
to be subject to that affliction.

I'm sorry.

I must leave now.



If Moya's life is to end capriciously,

and Pilot's also,

you and I are going to remain with them!




In reverse!


Stop this!

Re- commission Moya.

I cannot!

I will not!

Turn the engine off!

I will spare you...

if you spare Moya.


I beg you!

How does it feel for your prayers
to go unanswered, Kahaynu?

Dear Goddess.

In my rage, what have I done?

I cannot find Crichton's head anywhere.

I feel miserable.

Aren't you tired?

Just responsible.

I'm the one that talked him into it.

We had no other options.
You said that yourself.

We take what we get.

My body!

I'm working on it.

Working on it?

It's impossible.

Strangely not.

If I do this right,
your current state is not terminal.

And if not done right?


Get experts.

We're beyond that, don't you think?

You're way too vulnerable in this state.
See exhibits A and B.

Have you got a plan?

Revitalize you.

Your speech abilities are so limited right now,
you couldn't

convince the Empress you're a headless statue.

Woah, nice dress.

Save it.

When the Empress sees you, my true fiancée
and his Scarran will be in deep dren.

Then you can be re- made into a statue.

That's not much of a plan.

As long as the parts are aligned right.

The machine should do the rest.

Woah- woah- woah- woah- wh- hey- hey- hey,
wait, wait, wait, wait! Just a second! Hey! Come back!

Can you turn your neck?

Can you speak?

Thank you.

Can you walk?

I told you it's best we're not seen together
until after you're married

and assume the line of succession!

You mean if I do!

Crichton's body is gone,
somebody used the processor to revitalize him!

Without his head, is that really a concern?

They're still reconstructing the data,
but it seems so...great frell- up...

that his head was attached at the time!

Someone retrieved his head?

Do something oh magnificent representative
of a supposedly master race,

or you will surely die at my mother's hand.

And I, I will cheer her on!


What's wrong?


I've secured it, you can come up now.

Are your lines stuck?

I'm coming down.

It's okay.



Are you injured?

We're too high.


You've done this before, haven't you? Isn't that right?
You were rated expert. Correct?

At the training facility.

This is your first wall?



For the love of Chilnak. Alright...

Hang on.

Right, grab my hand.

Dregon, just grab my hand.



Alright. No!

Help me!


Don't let me fall.

I won't.

It's fine.

All you have to do is hold on with that hand there,
that left hand.

Can you do that? You got it?

Take a deep...take a deep breath!

Take a deep breath.

That's it.

Alright, now hold on.

I've got you.

No, no, no! Not my leg! The wall!
Hold onto the wall!

Where the hell are we?

Don't worry about it,
somewhere no one will find you.

That was not my question.

Is that your real name?

John Crichton?


And which Sebacean house is that from?

Well, you know if I tell you...

I'll have to kill you.

Why is Scorpius here?

You don't know?

He's not part of my brief.

However, he seems to be part of yours.

Look, I appreciate...

that you have questions.
I'm sure you'll appreciate that I'm not going to answer them.

I heard some of what Scorpius said.

He wasn't protecting you as an ally,
he was capturing you as prey.

You wouldn't like the truth.

The data scanned Mister John Crichton as non- Sebacean.

So, if you're not Sebacean,
you're not Peacekeeper.

If you're not Peacekeeper,
you're not special directorate.

If you're not special directorate,
you can't be a disrupter.

And if you're not a disrupter....

Then you know too much about me.

Well, there's more,
but that pretty much sums it up, yeah.

That is either the most pathetic fabrication
I have ever heard,

or the most pathetic life I could ever imagine.

Either way...

Oh, look their on some whacked out antecedence
to a chick with a stiletto in her wrist.


So, did you kill Scorpy?

Leave bodies lying around,
they look for a killer.

It's not like he's going to report the assault.

Then why choose me over him?

Because I couldn't give a Kragg's ass about anything
but my job...

preventing the Scarrans from getting
a claw on this Empire.

You're my best chance of making that happen.

Assuming I'm willing to play garden gnome
for the next eighty cycles.


if I fail,

so many innocent lives would be lost.

Help me do my job...

and I'll help you get what you want,

whatever it is.

You know things never work out like you plan.

That's what makes it fun.

Isn't there...

any other way to contact help?

Not unless a ship passes, and sees us.

I told you before,

these are the devastated reefs,

boats never come here.

Well then,

inland is our only hope.

Unless of course, you want to stay.


Don't leave me.

Don't tempt me!

May the Goddess recognize the gentleness
of your spirit,

and guide you to your ancestors.

Pa U Zotoh Zhaan.

You live.

As does Moya.

What kind of repellant game is this?

Upon my first exploration of Moya,

I knew the circumstances
that produced her gun ship offspring.

And I knew she was a worthy soul.

Then why did you put her through this?

To see if you were worthy.

These are gentle beasts,

who will ultimately follow the directions
of those in control.

Should you desire it,


you could produce an army of killing machines.

But Zhaan would never...

Of course she wouldn't.

We know that, now.

We are confident that you will protect Moya,

vigorously against those who seek to exploit her.

You are worthy of that responsibility.

If that is so,

then I demand that you leave this ship immediately!

As you wish.

But first....

Moya wishes to speak with you.


One request.

Anything, Moya.


It's good that you came.

Do you know where Crichton is?



But I'm as anxious to find him as you are.

For his wormhole knowledge.

That's secondary at this point.

I'm without accompaniment,

totally unarmed.

Should the Empress

wish to execute us,

I have no doubt she would succeed.

So now we are allies.

Effectively, yes.

I assume

you know of Seskoritz Gee Cargn,

the Scarren emissary.

And his alliance with Prince Clayvor. So,

Who's next in line for the throne.

they are our natural suspects.

What do you want, Scorpius?

I will help you get Crichton off this planet alive,

collect the information I need from his mind,

and release him to you.


You're half Scarran, aren't you?

By which measure I should not be judged.

Because it would find him lacking!

Ka D'argo is it?

Luxan, a great race of warriors,
I am honored!

And to you, biological mistake!

I commend your plan.

Having an agent marry the Princess.
How did you defeat my DNA alterations of her?

Scorpius is not in league with Crichton.

We despise him.


Have I misjudged the situation that badly?

Even if you establish diplomatic ties with this Dynasty,

that would mean that we...


would have to respond, preventing it.

And that would mean a total conflagration.

But who would be seen as aggressor?

All but sealing their access to the Uncharted Territories.

Luxan brute!

Where is Crichton?

I don't know!

Has he been reconstituted into flesh and blood form?

I don't know!

Is there anyone who does?

Chiana. Think she does.


I will offer you a deal.

I would rather race you to the Nebari girl, Chiana.

The means to our different goals...

may be the same, Emissary.

What about the coming conflagration between our species?

If you wish to provoke Peacekeeper might...


we shall oblige.

By defeating you.

I would still rather race you to the girl.



Please stop dragging you?

No, but it...



it hurts.


You want it to not hurt?


Well next time...

hold on to the frelling wall!!


Have you seen Chiana?


Have you tried looking under your sheets?

I think that Scorpius and the Scarran may have her.
They think she knows where John and Aeryn are.

We were looking together when she split off.


I'm so nervous, I had to stop for a bite.

Which I'm too nervous to eat.

Yeah, alright, what's the matter?

I asked around.

The last time the Empress threatened to execute off- worlders

she did!


I need your help.

They're going to torture her,
and she doesn't know


I'll float above the streets for a better view.

Yes. Yes!

We'll find her!

What the frell is that?

She does not know Crichton's whereabouts,
as I suspected.

So, get rid of her.

I believe she may have another use.

I don't even wanna know.

Cargn, we're through!
Everything you said would pass, has not!

I'm simply trying to assure your ascension!

If Crichton is not found by tomorrow,
you'll be crowned.

Through no efforts of yours, sadly.

Which means I no longer need your allegiance.

The disillusion of our relationship is not yours to affect!

Look! My mother knows about us!
I can't be married until I renounce you.

I will not allow it.

I'm doing you a favor.

She's going to start the ceremony by executing off- worlders.
Get out of here. Hide. Run.

There's no way for me to escape, and you know it.

And I thought you were good.

I am.

I have one final question for you,
duplicitous Prince Clayvor.


Do you know, that as promised,
I am about to kill you?


N- n - nooooooooooooooo!


Just a little tingling in the hands and feet.

I'm good to go.

Too late.

Local animals are carnivorous after dark.


Okay, fine. First light.
I have people to protect.

As I must mine.

Can I trust you?

Oh yeah, I'm a regular Boy Scout.

I do what I have to do.

And I assume you do it well.

I um...

I have found Cargn.

It will take both of us to kill him.


have exceptional strength.

And why do you think I'll help you?

He has Chiana.

And you want her.

And you don't?

I want John Crichton.

You'll never get Crichton.

He'll die, first.

You under estimate the strength of a relationship.

Even your friend...

does not yet understand.

I want you to have this.

A little stuns

and a lot kills.

Tomorrow will be dangerous.

Scorpius, Cargn, the Empress' anger.

Be careful.

I might not be able to protect you.

One step at a time,.


One...step at a time.

I'm sorry I...

brought this on you.

Do you always pursue women you don't know?

If I'm drawn to them.

Would you by lying here helpless,

giving up,

if Crichton were back there waiting for you?

You wouldn't understand.

Does your leg hurt?

It's broken.

I'm trained to deal with that.

That's the answer!

You're not trained to deal with emotions,

so you're afraid of them.

Emotional pain,

you wear like a badge.

It means you've been there.

And you can't get callused,

because each fresh hurt stings like the first.

Why would you want that?

Because of all the days before it hurts.

The good days,

when you're in love.

It's...too bad...

you can't get back to at least...

tell Crichton how you feel.

What difference would it make?

He's a frelling statue!

But he can hear.

He can see.

He'll know, Aeryn.

At least he'll know.

You're late.

I'm moving a little slow.

Are you ready to do this?

I've grieved with the best of them.

Alright, show time.

I hope it all works out.

One way or the other.

We're not compatible.

You always know, just what to say.

Not always.

But sometimes I know, who to say it to.

Give me some time before you enter.





Hello, do you need help?

I'll...stay there! I'll come and get you!




I know this...

didn't turn out like we wanted.

I know I was a....


But I was hoping...

we could go it again?


this can't beee!

I'm sorry, Jenvia.

There was nothing we could do.

Surely the Empress knows this is the Scarrans work!

How could she not?

Of course she knows!

And he will be the first one put to death!

But why the rest of us?

Because fool that he was....

no offence...

Prince Clayvor was her son!

You will all be arrested and


I feel compelled to disagree
with the Empress on that decision.



Hey, Sparky.

Oh, thank the Spirits!


Sorry about the Prince,
but I hear he deserved it.

Your Excellency, who defiled your position?
Who rescued you?


Rygel, what about the others?

Nothing on Aeryn, I'm sorry.

D'argo's with Scorpius.

They think the Scarran has Chiana.

So they're gonna kill'im!

Crichton, wait! Where are you going?

I don't know.
I'll let you know when I get there.

I'm assuming my execution is off.


Stay back!

He cannot damage your brain from this distance.

But any closer.

There are two of us and only one of him.

How badly do you want him dead?

No closer, or the girl dies!

That will not help Prince Clayvor become King.


This is about killing you.

The girl...

has she told you where Crichton is?

Of course not.

She doesn't know.

But, she did say you aren't allies

and that, in all probability,
you did not come here to impede my plan.

It must be painful to realize...

that you are defeated. Yes! Defeated!

By nothing more,

than your own suspicions!

Too hot in here, Scorpius?

What's the matter?

When he becomes incapacitated,

I shall turn full attention to you!

Nothing, it's nothing! Don't listen to him!

Because, if you do,

you know this mutant's weakness,

that his Scarran half loves the heat.

Thrives in heat!

Craves heat.

But his Peacekeeper half...

is destroyed by the same warmth.

Is this true?

Thermal regulator suit,

cooling rods inserted directly into his brain.

Tell me the rumors are true.

Please tell me your search for thermic constancy is tormentful!

Luxan coward!

Now, you will die!






Obviously not.

But you dumped me in the acid,

so let's see how you like it!



You're the best!

How Batman was that?

You guys okay?

We're fine John.

It's good to see you.

You too.

What about Scorpius? He dead?

If he isn't...

he should be, by the time we come out.

I'm not your enemy.

I'm not your friend.

You leave me the hell alone.

Or the next time we part,

one of us will be dead.

I am sorry if it upsets your line of succession,

but I am not gonna be a statue again!

I understand your concerns
as I'm sure you must understand ours.


if you're the kind of man
that would walk away from his own child,
we would not want you to rule.

Child? What the hell are you talking about?

My daughter is pregnant with your seed.

How - woah - how - no, no, we never....

Samples from the DNA comparison.

Did you really think a system this stable,

would leave so important a detail,

to chance?

Make me a statue.

You change your mind so quickly?

A child deserves two parents.

My child deserves a father,
make me a statue.

Counselor Tyno!

Arrange for this...

honorable man to re- undergo
the transmutation process.

I'm afraid that's impossible, Empress.

Recall that Crichton is not Sebacean.

Based on our findings,
Human physiology would not

tolerate the process a second time.

What the hell are you talkin' about?

If you stood beneath that machine again,
you would die!

She won't be defrosted for another eighty cycles.

I'm not gonna live that long,
and I won't be there for them!

I know!

I'm sorry.

You take my place.

I can't.

Nobody knows me, right?
The public, they don' t know who I am.

Your unveiling was to be your introduction.


Counselor Tyno

can be your new King.

They're chromosomes are not compatible!

It doesn't matter!

She's already pregnant.

And it satisfies everything that you need.

And it gives my child

a good father.

And they love each other.

What do you say?

Does this work for you?

Yes. Thank you.

I'm sorry....

that I won't be around.

I'll....never forget.

It's your call.

As long as the secrets we forge
in this room do not escape....

it can be done.

Well there ya go.

Good guys win for once.

And I have a child that I will never know.

Princess Katralla wants to know
if you'd like to see your offspring.


Hi there.

Hi. Are you my dad?

Yeah, that's right.

I love you, Daddy.

You take care of my little girl.

So how come Crichton didn't kill Scorpius?

It was a mistake.

One that I fear will come back to haunt us.

Well yeah, but

he can't follow us.


Well, Pilot says that we're safe for now.

Did he tell you what happened to Moya?

Zhaan either.

Rygel thinks they were scared,
I just think they were lost.

Either way, they're keeping it to theirselves.


I'm very proud of you.

I'm proud of you.

You handled yourself well.

Well you handled me- self well, too.

What's the matter?

Ah, I just can't stop thinking about
Crichton'll never see his daughter again.

Hits pretty close to home, huh?

The fact that I may never see my son again
is a grief I would wish upon no one.

Pains me to think of what he's going through right now.

Pains me too.

And you thought we weren't compatible.

Zhaan said the surgical reconstructors
did an excellent job on your leg.

There's no sign that it was ever broken.

Yeah, I was uh...

worried about you when you didn't show up
for the wedding.

Anyway, I'm...

I'm just glad you're okay.

And I have noticed
that you're not talking to me.