Farscape (1999–2003): Season 1, Episode 8 - That Old Black Magic - full transcript

I'll see if I can find some medication for Rygel.

Hey, little guy.

Aeryn ! Check this out.
One critter, two part harmony.

- Trelkez. Don't get it, though. Too few heads.
- They come with more ?

Yeah. The more heads, the better value they are.
Their brains are the tastiest part.

- Like you cook this guy and eat his brains ?
- Cook ? Never. Raw.

No, Rygel, I haven't found you any medicine yet.

Hurry up. I'm very sick. I'm dying !

- You only have a touch of Klendian flu. It's not fatal.
- We only wish it were.

Zhaan ! I'm suffering here !

Your pardon.



I sell jixit root,
among other interesting things.

Then you're a gift from the Goddess.

Hey ! You with the big feet !
Now do you want a hand with your problem ?

Help's right here, and his name is Holath.

Thanks, but my problems are out of your league.

Incorrect !
Haloth can fix up your crummy life, John Crichton !

- How do you know my name ?
- I know lots of things.

First, you're dying to get home to Earth.
Second, there's a Peacekeeper cruiser hunting you.

Third, you're not interested are you ?
Oh well ! Sorry to bother you.

Hold it !

Hold it ! This is a scam, right ?

Right ? You must have heard Zhaan
or D'Argo telling somebody all this, right ?

How can I have overheard this ? Your mother's
maiden name is McDougall. You skipped third grade.

And you lost your virginity to Karen Shaw
in the back of a minivan.



- It wasn't a minivan, it was a four by.
- John, John, you're grabbing at straws !

Look, what's wrong with listening to the pitch ?
You don't like the product, you don't have to buy it.

Last chance, Johnny-O.
You want to meet Haloth, walk this way... If not...

Hit the bricks !

My name is Haloth....

Welcome to my home.

How did I get here ?

The words I need elude translation's grasp.
Suffice to say I simply wished you here.

Oh, dried gavork ! Quite aromatic !

I've never seen such quality.

I'm honoured to be complimented by a Delvian Pa'u.

Twelfth Level, are you ?

Only ninth I'm afraid.
- Ninth is impressive enough.

- What's this ?
- Trellon oil. Careful with that.

Toxic ?
- Quite the contrary. It's a sensual stimulant.

Enriches the conjugal experience.

- You can vouch for this personally ?
- Yes, though it was some time ago.

It's still potent.

- Nonetheless, I suggest you test it before you buy it.
- Alone ?

As you choose.
But I'm willing to stand by my products.

Let me see what else you have to offer.

Okay, you brought me here. What else can you do ?

Alas, I cannot transport you back to Earth,
or act as a guide, or compass to that end.

You can't send me home and
you can't even point me in the right direction.

You are a fugitive, pursued by Crais,
who bears a dark desire for revenge

although you did not seek his brother's death.

Captain Crais, all marauders have reported in.
They"re low on fuel, sir, they must return.

The marauders will launch
the moment they are refueled.

The marauders have been on continuous patrol.
Pilots are fatigued, it would be dangerous to launch.

It's far more dangerous for a Peacekeeper unable
or unwilling to do his duties. Do you understand ?

Yes, sir..

[The marauders must be refuelled.

Captain, priority communication from high command.

In my chamber, Lieutenant..

How... never mind.
However you know... you're right.

But it was an accident. If I could only tell Crais
that... make him understand.

That knowledge would dispel his vengeful thirst..

My talents can provide you with the means.

I can talk to Crais ?... You can set that up ??

I'll summon the powers for this task.

Hey, wait !.. I've got a couple of questions...

Couple of thousand more questions.

Crais, cease your pursuit of the escaped Leviathan,
withdraw from the Uncharted Territories at once,

and return to First Command for new orders.

The Council awaits a full explanation of your failure.

The Admiral wanted you
to hear this in case I refused.

He'd expect me to take over command
in that event.

- Would you ?
- My first loyalty is to my captain.

And mine is to the Council.
But perhaps I can negotiate for more time.

Is there any other record of this transmission ?

No..

Dismissed.

My name is Haloth.
Welcome to my home.

What is this place ? Where's my ship ?

Your swift and mighty vessel is undisturbed,
traversing territories yet unmapped.

- Return me at once, or die !
- I'll not, for first I'll have you hear my words.

Before you vainly try and do me harm, behold
this glimpse of one whose death you've sworn.

Crichton.!

- What are you ?
- A friend, who'll give you Crichton, for a price.

What price ? ... Tell me !

- Where's Crichton ? He keeps wandering off.
- He's over this way. I can smell him.

- Wait, you can smell Crichton in all of this ?
- Yes. His odour is even stronger than yours.

I don't have an odour.

Crichton !

- Is he alive ?
- Get Zhaan. Now !

Dear friend Crichton,
I have news that you will not like.

No luck, huh ? You couldn't find Crais ?

Actually, I found him quite easily.

Crais.!

- No obvious injuries.
- Could he have been poisoned ?

- Who on this planet would want to harm him ?
- Well, someone has.

- She says, she saw Crichton entering the dwelling.
- He was alone, I swear !

- You're lying to me. You saw him with someone.
- No !

- It was Maldis, wasn't it ?
- Who is Maldis ?

- He's not really here. He's a hologram, right ?
- I am here, Crichton.

- To talk.
- To kill you.

Hey !

Just put that thing down.
I'm not going to fight you.

- Why are you doing this ? We had a deal !
- My services have found a better price.

I am playing for bigger stakes, now, John. You can
still talk to Crais. Just don't expect him to listen !

This cut. It wasn't here before... Look at this.

Your companion is as good as dead.
And so are the rest of you.

- Is he contagious ?
- It's not a disease that's done this. It's much worse.

A dark and dangerous force, wielded
by an evil sorcerer whose name is Maldis.

He feeds upon pain and death. Gaining strength
by tapping into the life energy of others.

Maldis invaded our planet
and killed half our population.

We who survive are prisoners,
kept alive only at Maldis's whim.

So this entire planet is subjugated by one man ?

Not a man. A cruel and malevolent being
who's learned how to transcend corporeal form.

- If you all rose against him, then...
- We'd all die. I know how invincible he is.

- Before he came, I was a High Priest.
- You were ?

I fought back, my spiritual powers
weren't strong enough.

It amuses Maldis to keep me alive,
in poverty.

He especially likes fresh victims.
The rest of you will soon follow.

- Not if we leave this planet first.
- You can't escape Maldis's grasp.

Even in space, hundreds, thousands
of metras away, he can get at you

And do what ?

- This ! He can rip your spirit from your body.
- How can we fight against that ?

We can fight. Where is this Maldis ?

At the end of the bazaar.
None of us goes near it.

He's done very well to terrorise primitive people.
Let's go back to Moya, get some weapons,

and see how it does against a pair of soldiers.

- He'll find you soon, you know.
- What the hell are you doing ? He wants to kill me !

No ! Really ? Fathom that.

My name is Maldis,
but you can address me as Haloth.

I got a lot of names, John boy.
Call me whatever pops your cork.

Yeah, right. You're a regular Laurence Olivier.
Why are you doing this ?

- What'd he offer you ?
- Much bigger stakes than you can.

And the bidding's closed.
Here you are, here he is. Now deal with it !

- Looks dead to me.
- Don't start, Rygel.

- Why did you bring him here ?
- For safe keeping..

- Someone needs to tend to him if he starts to bleed.
- Shouldn't Zhaan do that ?

- She says that she is busy.
- She's applying Delvian mysticism to the situation.

Well, it doesn't help my situation, does it ?
Or have you forgotten how sick I am ?

This should help. It is ointment of yuvok.
This will help clear your breathing.

- D'Argo, let's get this weapon !
- Yeck ! It smells like trat !

Nothing is to be done. As soon as Maldis is finished
with your friend, he will come after the rest of you.

- We must fight him.
- I've already told you, I'm no match for him.

- But what if you and I combine our powers ?
- You cultivated your power to help others.

Can you use it as a weapon ?

I can try if you guide me.

Can you be guided ?
It's not just a matter of skill, it's intent.

You must want to do harm, cause pain, even kill.

You are a ninth level Pa'u,
you aren't capable of that.

I once was !

- There are no exits. Save your energy for Crais.
- I'm not playing your sick game.

Maybe you're not, but he is. ,

Murderer !

- Listen to me. I didn't murder your brother.
- You destroyed his Prowler.

Excellent Crais. Now, finish him off !

It was an accident..

Too slow.
You missed your chance.

Your first lesson: inflicting pain.

Go on, hurt the beast.

If you can't inflict pain,
you'll have no chance against Maldis.

How can you be sure that Maldis
will come after us ?

Because you're new, alive and vital,

not beaten and depleted
like this planet's population.

Feeding upon all of you
will increase his power,

unless you and I stop him.

More.

More.

- I can't.
- You must.

I was capable of cruelty,
but I've evolved past that.

Evolved ?... Repressed !
You've choked off your emotion.

That's not true !

Think you've smothered your inner fire and found
enlightenment but you've just made yourself cold.

Look at you, struggling to contain what
you're feeling. Fighting to keep control.

What is it that you are so afraid of ?

I... I'm not afraid.

Come on, you're terrified !

I am a Delvian Pa'u.

Nothing can frighten me if I do not.

You can't wish your fear away. Face it !
Admit what it is you're scared of.

Are you afraid of Maldis ?
You can destroy him.

That's what terrifies me.

Ho, mama !

Sebaceans don't care much for heat, do you ?
Crais, lay off for a minute and listen to me.

- Why ? So you can beg for your life ?
- So I can tell you why your brother died.

- Tell me then ! Tell me why he died.
- First you tell me something..

- How does my module compare with your Prowlers ?
- Primitive. No weapons. No defence shield.

A wind up toy, right ?
My species is so primitive, we all live on one planet.

I was orbiting it when a wormhole sucked me
onto your turf. I didn't intend it.

- I'd go home in a second if I could.
- I'd believe you'd say anything to save your life.

It's the truth. You think I attacked your brother ?
I popped into the middle of a giant space battle

and decided to go one on one with a total stranger
in a far superior ship ! Does that make any sense ?

- You rammed his Prowler !
- He ran into me !

- You killed him !
- It was an accident ! Why do you keep blaming me ?

I did everything I could to avoid him.

Most eloquent, Crichton !
Almost sounded sincere..

- It was sincere, you son of a
- But futile.

Let me spread some light on Crais's hostility..

Father ?

How dare you bring this man here ?

Don't worry, Crais. I wouldn't touch your father.

This is simply an image from your past.

Bialar ! Tauvo ! Come here, please.

Bialar Crais, the acorn,
and the mighty oak.

Maldis ! Remove these images !

It's time, sons.

The recruiter is here to pick you up.

Stay close to Tauvo.

Give him guidance.

I'm counting on you to protect him.
Do you understand ?

Bialar !

Is that real ?

You didn"t choose to be a Peacekeeper ?

You and your brother
were shanghaied from home.

Enough !

We were selected for Peacekeeper training.

It is a great honour.

Imagine how proud your father would be
if he knew his sons both rose from the ranks.

Officer Tauvo Crais, reporting.
It's an honour to be on board, sir.

Captain's bars suit you, my brother.

No !

Maldis, why are you doing this to him ?

Just to jog his memory a bit !

Of course,
his brother's current appearance is more like this !

And Crichton did that to him !

Look this !

You know what I think, John ?
You can talk till your tongue falls out.

He's going to kill you regardless !

Right. Let's do it.

This door is protected by an evil spell.

- There's no such thing.
- Why can we not get through ?

The door will not open.
We cannot get inside.

Maldis cannot be hurt by weapons like those.

Then what can hurt him ?

I can.

Well, then, after you.

What are you waiting for ?

A third choice, but I know there are only two.

Let that evil flourish,
or unleash another evil against it.

How would you choose ?

I suppose I would choose the lesser of evil.

Well then, there's no reason to delay,
is there ?

- Maldis is that way.
- But we cannot get through that door.

Well, we'll keep trying.

Crais !

You can't run forever. I can wait.

You enjoying yourself, Crais ?

Maldis sure is.

He wants us to fight.
You ever wonder why ?

- I don't care why.
- He"s feeding off us. He"s drawing energy.

You notice how jazzed up he gets every time
we go at it and how tired he looks when we don't ?

That's why he showed you your brother.

He's pushing your buttons.

Maldis... doesn't command me.

Don't fool yourself.

Maldis is your enemy, not me.

It won't work.
Nothing can stop me from killing you.

Please, listen... please... listen.

You're beating yourself up because
you were supposed to protect your brother.

I understand, now...
And you can believe this or you can shine it,

but honest to God, I tried to get clear.

I didn't mean for him to crash, I'm sorry he's dead.

You understand that ?

- It does not matter.
- It does not matter ?

It changes nothing. Tauvo is dead.
Struck down by a weak, pathetic, inferior being.

It must be avenged !

I swear in Tauvo's name,
Crichton, you will die in my hands.

You're not nearly as thick as I thought, John.

You begin to understand what I'm all about.

Yeah... you are a vampire.

I admit it. I feed on death. But don't we all ?

Some eat plants, some meat.

I consume the life essence,
preferably medium rare.

So why not just kill us ?
Why all the foreplay ?

Death is the main course.
All this is the appetizer..

Crais is coming. Will you run or fight ?

I'm getting hungry again.

Breaks my heart.

I apologize for my behaviour.

Continue.

Zhaan, where are you ?

his goo is worthless.

What are you going to do about it ?

Wait... This is a better lesson.

Zhaan, Zhaan ?

Give pain to Rygel ?

Zhaan, do you hear me ?

I demand you bring me something that works !

- But he's aboard Moya. I cannot reach that far.
- You can, with my help.

Why don't you answer me ?
What are you doing down there ?

Can you find me a remedy or not ?
And if not, why are we still here ??

We should leave this useless planet immediately,

find a place where
I can get relief from this cursed.

Oh, no !

Part of me enjoyed that.

We're nearly ready.

The captain is incapacitated.

- You must remove the captain and assume command.
- Not while there"s a chance of reviving him.

If you want official authorisation,
I'll contact High Command.

There will be no communication outside this ship
unless I expressly order it !

Dismissed.

We're not giving up.

How can we fight
when we can't breach his defense ?

We will breach them,
even if I have to blast this door down.

Actually, that might work.

If I overload this pulse rifle, then the explosion
should be enough to take out this entire wall.

It can't work.

It might work.

Can't have that.

- What happened ?
- I don't know.

Captain Bialar Crais !

Let"s say you do kill me.
What happens then ?

Think Maldis hands you a trophy
and zaps you off to your ship ?

What's to stop you from bringing your Carrier back
and toasting the place ?

Think he's going to risk it ?

Come on Crais !

He may not even let you kill me. He may drag
this thing out for years and then kill us himself.

Is your vengeance satisfied
if Maldis kills me ?

No..

Who"s your bigger enemy, me or Maldis ?

Can you put your revenge on hold
and think like a Peacekeeper ?

What do you propose, Crichton ?

A truce. We join forces and nail Maldis.

We can't even lay hands on him.

His power can"t be infinite,
he must have weakness.

If we both stay calm and unemotional,
he can"t recharge.

We could starve him out.

Come on Crais.
This may be our best chance.

I agree....

Truce.

My oath as a Peacekeeper.

Yeah, truce it is.

Now, first question is, how much...

What"s the matter with you, Crichton ?

Are all the species on your planet this dim ?

It's kill,

or be killed ?

I don"t know why I'm bothering.
I don"t care what Aeryn thinks.

You certainly look dead to me.

I don't know your customs
for these situations, not that I care,

so I'll give you the Hynerian ceremony
of passage and be done with it.

John Crichton, valued friend,

no, wait a minute,
"valued friend" is a bit of a stretch.

John Crichton, unwelcome shipmate.

May you have safe transport to the hallowed realm.

Actually, not our hallowed realm.
No, that's for Hyernians.

Go find your own hallowed realm.

With the ceremony complete, I declare you officially
dead, and claim all your possessions for myself.

I'd say you've dislocated that.

Happened to you once before ?
When you trashed your motorcycle,

and the only way for you to get home ...

and you had to pop it in yourself.
Pretty gutsy.

So why do you still play hide and seek ?
Take him on !

What's the matter ?
Blood sugar level getting low ?

Need another hit of violence
to kick up the old energy level ?

Yes. I'm getting tired of appetizers.
It's time to dine.

What, is that supposed to motivate me ?

No. But maybe this will.
Only one of you has to die.

What's the other one get ?
A free trip to Bermuda ?

Well, back to your ship, anyway.
Believe me, I give you my word.

Like that's worth anything.

It's better that Crais's, I assure you.

Crais... is... an animal.

I thought I could reason with him.

You can't... It's him or you..

Shut up !

I've had enough of both of you.

You want gladiators, fine
You got them.

Tell Crais I'm waiting for him.

- So you're done talking to him ?
- Yeah ! All done.

When we reach Maldis,
you must not hold back.

Strike with all our combined strength.

No hesitation. No weakness.

No mercy.

The good captain is here. I'll leave you to it.

- Where's Crais ? I had him.
- I returned him to his ship.

Bring him back. I had him !

Yeah, took you long enough,

but you did what I wanted.

What you wanted,

I thought you were hungry, you wanted death.

I do, but I'm planning for the long term,
bigger stake, remember ?

It's not you or Crais I'm interested in,
it's that glorious death machine of his.

Just think what I could do
with a Peacekeeper Command Carrier.

Carnage on a truly massive scale.

You... You want him to pursuing me,

so, he brings his ship within reach.

Absolutely.

He wanted to take it home,
can you believe it ?

But, now, he'll never turn back !
Deeper and deeper into uncharted territory he'll go.

And sooner or later, that ship will be mine.

And then ... !

Damn you !

Temper ! By the way, John,

I was telling the truth.

One has returned to his ship,

and now, the other has to die.

Die !

John, I've broken through.

I've made him tangible.

He's all yours now.

Rygel ! It's you.

Rygel, where am I ?

You died, down on the planet..

D'Argo and Aeryn
brought your corpse up here.

And I revived you.

Yes,
the others wanted to set your body adrift,

but I insisted I could save your life,

and I did.

Of course you did.

It's not Kansas, and you're way
too homely to be Auntie Em, but,

come here, Toto.

Liko !

I gave you all I had.

You're dying. Let me help you.

You already have.

Maldis is gone.

The price is worth paying.

I only regret ... you... and I...

I don't need further examination,
I am fully recovered.

Doctor, you will omit this entire incident
from your medical log.

Your utter failure to diagnose and treat my affliction
will go unreported, unpunished. You're dismissed.

Has there been any communication
with high command ?

No, sir.

Lieutenant Orn wanted to get their authorization
to terminate you, sir, but I overruled him.

Then no one outside this chamber
knows of the Admiral's orders.

I saw to that, sir.

Lieutenant Orn, status report.

All marauders report negative, sir.

Then widen the search to dekka 3
Take us deeper into the Uncharted Territories.

Yes, sir.

Crichton, I will find you...

again.

Zhaan,
Crichton told us that you two killed Maldis.

Even in a semi-corporeal form,
he couldn't be killed.

but he could be dispersed.
He will coalesce someday.

I feel I must apologise to you
for mocking your courage.

You are more of a warrior than I thought.

- What is the matter with her ?
- You called her a warrior.

You could not have cut her more deeply.

I just don't know, DK.
Maybe it was always a stupid thought, but...

I figured if I could sit Crais down and talk to him, I'd
convince him I wasn't the murderer he thinks I am.

Well, I had my chance.
And I'm never going to get another one.

And he's going to keep at it till one of us dies.

Zhaan !

You look about as cheerful as I do.

Come on, talk to me. What's up ?

John, before I became a priest,
I was a savage.

Yeah, I thinke

Yeah, I don't know...
that I ever believed it.

You've never seen that part of me.

I thought I'd eradicated it...
forever.

Well, you resurrected it once, to deal with Maldis.
Now, it's over.

No, I feel it inside me still.

Now I have to rid myself of it again,
and I don't know if I can do it, John.

Is there anything I can do to help ?

There must be something.
Even if it's just being a good listener.

No one can help me.

I am sorry.