Fargo (2014–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Buridan's Ass - full transcript

Malvo executes his master plan, while Lester attempts to craft one of his own. Gus and Molly team up in Duluth.

Erstwhile on Fargo...

The blackmail--
I'm gonna pay it.

(Stavros) Blood and locust?
It's the book of Exodus.

God is watching, and He knows.

Knows what?


Pick me up in an hour.
We'll get the money.

(Don) He's gonna pay
a million dollars?

[Drill whirring]

Did you mean
to lock me in here?

We got a big day tomorrow.
Get some rest.

That's Sam Hess.

You think this could be, like,
an organized crime thing?

We're from Fargo.

You're gonna find him, right?
The guy who did it.

(Mr. Numbers)
I need a name.

Malvo! Malvo!

Lorne Malvo?

(Lester) He killed him.
He killed Hess.

[Peaceful Asian music]





[Water splashing]

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[People speaking
in native language]

Sync and corrections by n17t01

So anyway, this freakin' guy--

The women are in the box.

- Custom seal on.
- [Laughter]

And he decides... Oy!

Soy sauce and another mai tai.

Mai tai?
Mai tai!

Anyhoo, he decides
he's in love with one of them.

Yield so far 9,000 unique
credit card numbers...

This big Russian girl...

...with a credit limit
of approximately 1.1 million...

...minus real estate,
minus labor, minus R&D.

After the ship has sailed,
he goes...

Sam Hess.

[Clears throat]

Assets deployed,
Mr. Wrench and Mr. Numbers.

Three days, plus lodging
plus mileage.

You want the, uh...

Bottom line,
they don't think-- our guys--

they said, doesn't look
related to the business.

Could be extramarital
on the wife's side.

So, uh, now, they're en route
to a second location

to apprehend who we,
uh, think is responsible.


What's that?

Not apprehend.

Don't care extramarital.
Don't care not related.

Kill and be killed.

Head in a bag.
There's the message.

Of course, boss. Yeah.

(Carlyle) 1,900 units shipped
by rail at a cost of 600 per,

plus customs, plus
extra-governmental expenses.

(Don) Good evening, ladies.
Good eve...

Welcome, ladies,
to Turkish Delight.

To Turkish Delight...

where your wish...

your wish is our command.

[Drill whirring,
metallic clinking]

Time to make the call.

I mean, you know...

maybe I don't wanna know,
you know?

'Cause maybe something
got broken there in the night,

you know, something important,
like trust.

You know, maybe, uh,

we need to revisit
who gets how much here.

What's in the bags?

Look, okay,
here's what I'm thinking.

I'm thinking 60/40, right?

You know, with me getting, uh--
you know, because, you know,

am I or am I not doing
all the, uh...

What about the--
the voice thingy there?


[Distorted voice]
Luke, I am your father.

[Modulator falls]

Stop screwing around.


I think you broke it.


So about
that 60/40 split there...

you know, I--

Hey, why is there paper
on the windows?

Word for word.

You really want me
to say all this?

[Clock ticking]

[Man shouts]
[Horn honks]



[Phone rings]


[Distorted] Once upon a time,

there was a little boy.

He was born in a field
and raised in the woods.

And he had nothing.

In the winter
the boy would freeze,

and in the summer
he would boil.

He knew the name
of every stinging insect.

At night he would look
at the lights in the houses,

and he would want.

Why was he outside and they in?

Why was he so hungry
and they fed?

"It should be me," he said.

And out of the darkness
the wolves came,


Do you understand
what I'm saying?


(Don) Gustafson parking
garage, high noon.

[Dial tone]

[Door opens and closes]

Well, did it sound
like he's gonna pay?

I-- I don't know
what that sounds like.

So is the Greek the boy or...

Give me that duffel over there,
and I'll tell you.

Hey, uh...

what's with all the duct tape?


(Norm on radio)
I'm telling you, folks,

things are shaping up
to make this

one of the worst blizzards
in Minnesota history,

the perfect storm
or what have you.

This is definitely one
for the record books.

(Woman on radio)
That's right, Norm.

And expect whiteouts
and blizzard-like conditions.

And since it's to move slightly
down from Canada,

also expect poor road
conditions and even closures.

So, folks,
please avoid driving today

unless you absolutely have to.

Gosh, avoid going out--


Starting to come down out there.

Storm of the century,
they're saying.

Is Greta here?

No, she's at a friend's.

Thought it would be safer.

[Clears throat]
Um, you didn't have to come.

I was coming anyway.
Told you last night.

- Just left a little earlier is all.
- [Chuckles]

So, um, you really think
this Malvo fella

was at your apartment?

Not at the apartment, outside.

Uh, my neighbor,
he does the watch.

Said he saw this fella
sitting in his car

outside the apartment.

May even have followed me here,
I'm thinking.

So the neighbor--
Jewish fella--

he gives the guy a warning,
you know,

a kinda "move along."

Said the fella
was real menacing in return.

Had a police scanner, he said.

Talked about how maybe
he was gonna

come back and kill
the neighbor and his family.

Aw, jeez.

Did you call it in?

Well, see,

I don't think they'd believe me
is the thing.

I mean, not after, you know,
I arrest the wrong fella,

being what they think.

So there's that.

He get a plate number,
your neighbor?

Yeah, yeah.

He, uh...
I called it in.

SUV of some type, company car.

Which company?

The grocery chain, you know.
July in January.

- Phoenix Farms.
- Right.


This Malvo fella's
saying he's a pastor,

so I'm not sure
of the connection there.

Well, maybe we should
drive over,

see what they say.

Let me get changed.

Morning, Mr. Creech.


And how are we feeling there,
Mr. Nygaard?

Oh, yeah.

Real good.
Ready to go home.

Well, now, that's up to him,
I suppose.

So how's your pain level
on a scale of one to ten?

Uh, yeah, not bad.

So maybe a three?


Wh-what's with, uh...

Why is there
a police officer outside?

Not for me to say, is it?


[Clears throat]

Okay, Mr. Creech,

I'll be back to take you
to radiology in ten minutes.


[Ominous music]

♪ ♪

[Muttering inaudibly]

I'm his brother, Chazz.

Chazz Nygaard.

[Door opens]

Lester, it's me.


What did you do?

- When?
- Come on, Lester.

There's a deputy outside
the door, for Pete's sake.

I just... ah...

cut my hand on a--
some rusty nail.

Not sure how that involves
local law enforcement.

They said you were there when
the police chief got murdered.


Well, heck.

I think I'd remember that.

I don't know,

with the head injury maybe...

- 'Cause things--
- You're lying.

S-says who?

That cop, the female,
says you're a suspect.

- Suspect of what?
- Murder.

For-- for Pearl, the Chief.
Even Sam Hess.

That is crazy is what that is.

I'm the victim!

He came to my house.

I almost died.
Did you tell her that?

Don't lie to me!

I took you in m--
my house...

- This is--
- ...around my kid.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy.

Cops can't figure out
who did it,

so they start
throwing blame around.

You said you were kidnapped.

You call me in a meeting,

said you were mixed up
in something.

That was-- I told you
I was just pranking you.

No, you said you were
in the trunk of a car,

said a couple fellas
grabbed you.

What are you mixed up in,

What the heck is going on?

Chazz, I swear to you,
this is all

just a...

Heck, you're my brother.
You should be on my side.

People are dead, Lester.

Your own wife.

A-- a conspiracy,
they're saying, like, like,

like maybe you hired a fella
to... to...



Come on.


Chazz, I swear to God.
I did not do this.


Well, they think you did
or know who did, so...

so you gotta
give 'em something.


If you want this to go away,
you gotta give them someone.


buddy, come on.
This is...

You have gotta
stand by me here.

You've been a burden
my whole life.

I'm done.

There's something wrong
with you, Lester.

there's something missing.

You're not right in the world.





Here's Mr. Creech's chart.

Can you take that
when you see him?

Yeah, okay.

Are we ready, Mr. Creech?


Okay, Mr. Creech.

Someone will be out for you
in a minute.


[Lester breathing heavily]




[Car alarm beeps]

[Beeps twice]



[Horns honking]

So he had a shotgun pellet
in his hand this whole time?


Which means he wasn't
knocked out in the basement

like he said he was.

So maybe...

maybe he and Malvo
weren't foes there at the end.

Maybe they colluded
on this whole thing.


Welcome to Phoenix Farms.

We're police officers.

You sure are.

- This about the bugs?
- Sorry?

The bugs.
The-- What do you...

Er... wait.

Maybe we're not
supposed to tell people.

Dave, are we telling people
about the bugs?

Is there a manager
or someone we can talk to?

Not sure anybody's in yet.

Dave, anybody
in the offices yet?

Let me check.

Mr. Cosmopolis
to Customer Service.

Mr. Cosmopolis
to Customer Service.

[Scanner beeping]

Okay, then.

Uh, I'm gonna leave my card.
Deputy Solverson.

We're here about a company car,
who's driving it.

The license number
there on the back.

Uh, when a manager gets in,
just have him call.

- Okay, sure.
- Thanks.

Thanks for stopping by!

So what do we do now then?

I could use
another cup of coffee.


[Tires screeching]

Oh, God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God.

[Phone ringing]


Kid's getting restless.

How's he doing?

He's baffled, just like me.

Did you make the drop?


(Semenchko) It's not too
late to get off the pot.

It's a lot of damn money.

It's not about the money.

It's bigger than the--

Thank you, God.

Than what?

I know what I gotta do now.

Give me an hour and head back.

Tell the damn kid

I love him.

Yeah, I'm, uh,
I'm not gonna say that.

Pack your shit!
We're heading home.

Was that my dad?

Ticket, please.

I changed my mind.

I decided...

God. He told me.

He has different plans.

God told you not to park here?

No, no, no.

I know what I have to do now.
I didn't before.

Well, sir, I gotta...

It's $2
for the first 30 minutes, so...

- Son, you go to church?
- Yes, sir.

Then open the goddamn gate.
Your Lord demands it.

[Beep, buzzer]

[Police radio chatter]


What's that?


When someone's a liar,
that's what you...

you say.
He's two-faced.

Like, he's got one face
for telling the truth

and another for...

I guess that's what bothers me
the most, you know?

Not the violence
and the murders and all?

Well, of course that.

I mean...

When a dog goes rabid, right,

there's no mistaking it
for a normal dog.

Here we are,
we're supposed to be--

you know, us people,
we're supposed to know better.

To be better, you know?

Must be hard to live in
this world if you believe that.

You have no idea.

(Woman on radio) 620, be aware.
Possible 313 in progress.

Bishop and Main.


[Indistinct radio chatter]


(Man on radio) 8434 base, I'm gonna
go ahead and cancel this thing.

[Indistinct radio chatter]


[Gun cocking]


[Footsteps approaching]


[Cocks gun, clip falls]

I thought about it.

The 60/40 thing
doesn't work for me.

[Radio chatter continues]

[Muffled shouting]

[Engine starts]

[Indistinct chatter]

[Muffled shouting]
[Radio chatter continues]

Hey! Hey!

[Sobs, gags]


In case, uh,
Stavros does call the cops,

we wanna make sure
they're too busy to respond.

That's part one.





Part two is...

have you ever
had Turkish Delight?

It's disgusting.

[Gun clicks]

That's okay.

I'd be insulted
if you didn't try.

(Man on radio)
Roger that.

One citation.


(Woman on radio) 10-4. We are
inbound for white female.

Just let us know what position
you want us to take.

[Indistinct chatter]

[Muffled shouting]

[Gunshots, people screaming,
dogs barking]


(Woman on radio)
All units, shots fired.

Beacon near Bundy.
I repeat, shots fired.


(Woman on radio) All units, be aware,
shots fired, Beacon near Bundy.

[Muffled shouting]


[Muffled shouting]

[Dog barking]





Mr. Creech?


Anyone there?


[Evocative music]

♪ ♪


[Door opens]

(Kitty) No TV till you
do your homework.

Don't go there.
You know that.

Wash your hands first.

- I did. - Yeah? When,
between the car and the house?

So this fella gives away
all his money and a kidney,

and then he kills himself?

(Gus) That's what he said.
My neighbor.

Why didn't the fella
just go work for a charity?

Got me.

Probably close the roads soon,
if you're gonna head back.

Still gotta take a look
at Lester's car.

Maybe take another run
at Phoenix Farms, I'm thinking.

Try to get an ID
on that company car.

Don't much like this fella
threatening people.

Never wanted to be a cop,
you know?

I mean...
[Clears throat]

Some kids grow up
thinking about it, but not me.

And your dream was what then?

You're gonna think
it's funny, but...

I always wanted to work
for the post office

and be a mailman.

I like that you get to see
the same people every day.

Bring 'em that check
they've been waiting for.

Presents for Christmas.

You know,
be part of the community.

But when I applied,

they were on a hiring freeze.

Then this pal from high school

tells me the local PD's hiring,
so took the bus downtown.

Never thought they'd, you know--
they'd take me.

So why try?

Well, you know, uh...

Greta's mom passed,

and she was the one
with the paycheck, so...

[Sirens blaring]

Oh, jeez.

I wonder what that's about.

[Police radio chatter]

[Sirens blaring]


[Muffled shouting]

[Police radio chatter]

How bad?

Sir, multiple shots fired,
property damage.

No injury reports at this time.

And perps are still thought
to be inside.


Unclear at this time.


To the individual
or individuals inside the house,

this is Lieutenant Schmidt,
Duluth Police Department.

[Muffled grunting]

I'm ordering you
to throw out your weapon

and come out
with your hands up,

- or we start blasting.
- [Screaming]

[Police radio chatter]


[Angelic choir music]

Roger that.

Tag Team is on the move,
on the move.

Divide and conquer on three.

Divide and conquer on three.

[Men shouting]



Stay down!
Take cover!

They're shooting!
Shots fired, shots fired.

Engage. Engage.



♪ ♪


(Man) Shots fired.
Repeat, shots fired.


Cease fire!

Cease fire, damn it!



I think we got him.

Based on what, ESP?



♪ ♪





[Steady ringing]


♪ ♪

(Man on radio) Suspect is down.
Repeat, suspect is down.

Oddest suicide by cop
I ever--

[Tires screeching]

[Upbeat percussive music]


♪ ♪

[Car alarm blaring]


They're shooting up the block.
It's goddamn World War III.

Call 911.

[Distant gunfire]

No, wait!

This is Grimly.
Shots fired, Fourth and Hunter.

Requesting backup.

What do you think?

Uh, accident, I guess.
Words exchanged, differences?

Heck of a lot of bullets
for a fender bender.

[Gun firing]

No, wait!
We should wait for...




- Who?
- God!

Damn it!


[Breathing heavily]
It was Fargo!



One down!

[Footsteps running away]

He's dead, I think!

[Suspenseful music]

♪ ♪


Freeze! Police officer!




[Melancholy orchestration]

♪ ♪

(Man on radio) Just a horrible
time to be on the roads, guys,

and I don't recall
any time, Kim,

unless you get
a serious blizzard like '96

or even into '93,

where we had
so many interstates shut down.




Let there be light, huh?

What the heck was that?


Jeez, God! Fish!



[Car crashing]

[Triumphant choir music]

♪ ♪

[Tires screeching]





Oh, buddy.
Oh, buddy.

I gave it back.

I gave it back.

Mr. Creech.


Mr. Creech.


Oh, thank gosh.

There you are,
Mr. Creech.


Thought we'd lost you.

[Indistinct chatter]


[Latin pop music]

Sync and corrections by n17t01

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