Family Ties (1982–1989): Season 3, Episode 9 - Best Man - full transcript

♪ I bet we've been together
for a million years ♪

♪ and I'll bet we'll be together
for a million more ♪

♪ oh, it's like
I started breathing ♪

♪ on the night we kissed

♪ and I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ and there ain't no nothin' ♪

♪ we can't love
each other through ♪



♪ ooh-hoo

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ sha-la-la-la

Okay, Doug, it's to you.
You in or out?

I don't know.

What do you think I should do,
Alex?

Play your own hand for once,
will you, Doug?

Come on, Lyle, the Dougster
can't play his own hand.

It's a fact that's been
documented for years.

He needs me.

All right, Doug,
I think he's bluffing.

All right.

I'll call you, Clancy.
What do you got?



Straight to the jack.

Ha. A pair of threes.

Amazing.

All right, all right.
So we lost, Doug.

At least we lost
with dignity.

You know, in a way
that's better than winning.

I'd rather win.

Next week's game
is at Flaum's house.

Come on.
See you, Alex.

Hey, Flaum, Flaum,
leave the bowl, leave the bowl.

You guys are animals.

See you guys later.
See you next week.

All right, Dougie,
here's what we gotta do.

We'll clean this place up,

slap together a couple
of roast beef sandwiches,

go in the living room and watch
Bridge on the River Kwai.

Sounds great.
I can't stay.

Wait a minute, Dougie,
what are you talking about?

Don't break tradition here.

After every game,
I count my money,

you clean up, and then we go
watch a movie on TV.

Sorry, Alex, I can't tonight.
Someone's picking me up.

Who?

I met a girl.

A girl? You?

Heh. I couldn't believe it
either.

We're going to a movie
at the North Town.

Wait a minute,
you're telling me you'd rather

go out with a girl
than help me clean up?

I know it sounds crazy,
but yeah.

That's her.
I know her ring.

Here I am,

amore mio.

Sometimes,
when we're alone,

we speak Italian
to each other.

It's the language
of love.

I'm in the kitchen,
amore.

Thank you, Doug.

Th... That's very sweet
of you.

Mr. Keaton,
I- I thought you were Eleanor.

Uh, no, I'm me.
Right.

This is Eleanor.

Hi.
Nice to have met you.

Nice to meet you.
Oh, uh, arrivederci.

What?

Oh. Well, this is him,

Alex P. Keaton,

my best friend.

Isn't he cute?

Doug.

This is her,
Eleanor Lee,

the girl.

Isn't she cute?
Doug.

Hey,
you're both so cute.

Doug.
Doug.

It was very nice meeting you,
Alex.

Uh, yeah, same here.

Listen,
we're running a little late.

We better get going
if we wanna catch this movie.

Unless you'd rather stay.

We could go
some other night.

What, and missBambi?

All right. Okay, Doug,
don't forget,

Friday night, third annual
Milton Friedman lecture.

Absolutely. Wouldn't miss
it for the world, Alex.

I'll be there.

We were going to my sister's
on Friday, Doug.

Have to miss it, Alex.
Sorry, no way.

See you later.
Bye.

Alex, you wanna go
for ice cream with us?

No, thanks, Dad.
No, Doug's coming over.

We're gonna watch
True Griton TV.

It's his favorite movie.
Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm sure. I'm kind
of looking forward to it.

You know, I haven't seen
Doug in awhile.

Yeah,
it's gonna be great.

Just the two men
watching a man's movie.

The Duke.

You guys go ahead.
Okay.

There he is.

Hey, Doug.
Hey, Alex.

Eleanor.

Hi, Alex.

Alex, I had a great idea.
I brought Eleanor.

Talk about
your great ideas.

Alex, I hope you don't mind
my joining you guys.

Doug said you wouldn't.

Mind?
Hey, why should I mind?

Yeah, why should he?
Yeah, why should I?

Well, I mean, I am intruding
on what's supposed to be,

you know,
guys' evening.

Ah, it's true.

Okay, Doug,
movie's about to start.

What movie?
What do you mean, "what movie?"

Doug, it'sTrue Grit.
It's your favorite movie, Doug.

Not anymore.
Now it'sYentl.

Yentl?

I saw it last week
with Eleanor.

Your favorite movie
used to beTrue Grit,

and now it'sYentl?

That's right, Alex.

I'm evolving,
I'm broadening my horizons.

I'm... What's the third thing
I'm doing?

You're learning
how to think for yourself.

Well, I'm real happy
for your progress, Doug,

butTrue Grit
is what's on this TV tonight.

True Gritwill be fine, Alex.
I never saw it.

It's noYentl.

Could you pass me
Eleanor's hand please?

Ah, sure.
Thanks.

This is great,
isn't it, Alex?

It's a dream come true,
Doug.

Um,
what's wrong with Alex?

Hm? What do you mean?

Well, just a few minutes ago
he came up to me

out of the blue
and gave me a big hug.

What's wrong with that?

I was in the shower.

That is a little strange.

You know, Alex hasn't been
himself the last two weeks.

Doug's been spending
so much time with Eleanor

that Alex never gets a chance
to see him.

I think he's lonely.
He needs a friend.

Shh. Here he comes.

Hi.
Hi, Alex.

Hey. Hey,
how did that shower turn out?

Uh, fine.

Oh, wow, that's great.

Oh,
you smell good.

Oh, oh, wow,

Mom,
pregnancy exercises.

Can I do some of these
with you?

Oh, I've already
done mine today, honey.

May... Maybe tomorrow.

Hey, Mal. Hey, Mallory.
Hey, listen,

can I... Can I drive you
down to the mall,

you know,
we'll go shopping together?

Uh, I went shopping yesterday,
Alex.

I have no money left.

I can't catch a break here.

Hey, Jen.

Hello.

Got any dolls
you want to dress up?

My dolls are all dressed,
thank you.

We could strip
a couple down.

Alex, why don't you just
pick up the phone and call Doug?

Come on, Mom,
what does Doug have to do

with a young man's natural
desire to dress dolls?

Alex, if you miss Doug,
why not give him a call?

He's your best friend.

Wasmy best friend,
Dad.

You know, we've drifted apart.

These things happen.

Hi, Mr. Keaton,
hi, Mrs. Keaton.

Hey, Doug, all right.

Hey.

All right. You two have
a good day together, huh?

Come on, Elyse,
I'll race you to the car.

Hey.

Alex, I got something
I want to tell you.

Okay, great,

'cause I got something
that I wanted to tell you.

Okay, well, you go first,

but hurry up,
'cause I gotta go meet Eleanor.

You know,
funny you should mention her,

because she's who I wanted
to talk to you about.

Uh, I-I think you've been seeing
too much of her, you know?

Too much of her?

Alex, I've never met
another girl like her.

And the amazing thing
is she's interested in me.

Come on, Doug, lots of girls
are interested in you.

Well, sure,
as a sociological curiosity.

No, I'm not like you.

I don't have girls
falling all over me.

Ah. You know...

Listen, Dougie, let me give you
a little advice, okay?

You gotta keep your
options open, pal, you know?

Plenty other fish
in the sea.

I found the fish for me,

and we're taking
an apartment together.

You're what?

You're gonna live with her?
Uh-huh.

You can't do that.

You're gonna see her
all the time now.

Uh, I hope so, we're gonna be
joined in holy matrimony.

No.

Yeah, I'm getting married,
Alex.

Well...

Uh... Uh, congratulations,
right? I mean...

I mean that's
terrific news.

Oh, Doug, married.

Oh, good for you.

Thanks. Thanks. Th... That's what
I wanted to tell you.

I'm glad you're happy,

and I appreciate
your good wishes, and...

Of course, I want you
to be my best man.

Doug, are you crazy?

Hey, I...

You don't have
to be my best man.

I am not talking
about being your best man.

I'm talking
about you getting married.

That's insane.
That's ludicrous.

How... How are you
gonna support yourself?

Well, for my part,
I'm collecting aluminum cans.

You can't.

You cannot live on what you get
from recycling aluminum.

That's just my part.
She's rich.

You can... You cannot
get married to this girl.

It will be the biggest
mistake of your life.

Oh, yeah?

Maybe you're the biggest
mistake of my life.

Oh, yeah?
Yeah.

And if that's the way you feel,
don't come to the wedding.

Okay, I won't.
Okay, you can't.

Well, fine.
Fine.

And I'll tell you another thing.
What?

You can't be
my best man either.

Hey, this is great,
huh?

Just the four of us
playing cards.

You know,
I thought we'd miss Doug,

but, uh, we're getting along
just fine without him.

I miss Doug.

Me too.

So do I.

Guys,
will you forget about Doug?

Doug is history.
It's just us now,

and we're gonna...
We're gonna play poker,

and we're gonna have
a good time, right?

I'll bet Doug's wedding
is gonna be just great.

I hear it's all you can eat.

Come on, guys,
will you cut it out?

Look, it's just us.

Now, w-we're gonna keep playing
cards, e-every week, right?

W- we don't need Doug, right?

Yeah.
Every week.

Now, along those lines,

uh, I got a little something

that I'd like
you all to look at, okay?

Here you go.

What is this,
a test?

I don't know, it's a...
It's an agreement...

It's... A contract, you know.

Just a legal document
wherein we all promise

to keep playing cards
every week.

Forever?

Don't be silly, forever.

No, it's just for seven years.

I can't sign this,
Alex.

All right, fine. If that's the
way you guys wanna be, great.

Game's over, okay?
Pack up. Let's go.

You're a great host,
Keaton.

We should have played
at Flaum's house.

Yeah, maybe we can get
something to eat there.

Good night, Alex.

Arrivederci.

Can I take this
to a lawyer?

Give me that.

And I'll tell you guys
something else.

That... That is the last time
we play cards in my house.

Flaum,
don't drive on the lawn.

You, uh...
You seem a little tense, Alex.

It's just that if you
invite guys over to play poker,

they should shut up
and play poker.

And not babble about
some dumb wedding.

This is ridiculous, Alex.
Doug is your best friend.

I think it's silly for you
not to go to his wedding.

We're going.
Well, I'm not.

Well, I don't think
this wedding should affect

your friendship
with Doug.

It won't affect
my friendship with Doug

because, uh,

my friendship
with Doug is over.

It's okay.

It's okay.
What are you two doing?

Mallory's teaching me
how to walk in high heels.

Yeah. If she looks
real comfortable in them,

maybe Mom will let her
wear them to the wedding.

Why,
you sure look comfortable to me.

Go ahead, Jen.
Go for it.

Hi.
Hi.

Sorry it took me
so long.

Uh, I've been practicing
walking in my high heels.

How's it going?
Great.

Hi, Mallory.
Hi.

Hi, Alex.
Uh, yeah, hi.

Don't leave me!

Listen, Alex,
do you have a minute?

Uh, well, Eleanor,
darn it all.

I'm, uh...
I'm kind of busy right now.

I'm, uh...
I'm coaching Jennifer

how to walk
in heels.

That's what
older brothers are for.

Come on, Jen.

Now, steady,
steady.

Think poise,
grace, balance.

Ah, so... So how you doing?

Fine, fine.

Been really busy lately,
you know,

with getting
invitations out,

and making preparations.

I never realized how much
a wedding takes out of you.

Tell me about it.

What?
No, nothing. Uh, nothing.

Alex, why won't you
come to our wedding?

Look, I, uh...
I just can't, okay?

Why not?
What are you afraid of?

I'm not afraid
of anything.

I've been to a lot of weddings.

You think Doug's
making a mistake

by getting married,
don't you?

B- but Eleanor,
it's nothing personal, you know?

I mean, you seem real nice.

It's just that I don't think
Doug is ready

to get married right now,
you know, to anyone.

Well, why not?
Because he's so naive?

Well, It's not that he's naive.

It's that he's...
Innocent.

Yeah, but...
But it's more than that.

It's that he sees the world
through the eyes of a child,

almost like an infant?

Yeah.
Yeah, like an infant.

Like an infant who was
raised in the woods

by other infants.

I remember
the very beginning.

I would walk home
from school,

and he would
walk backwards

ten paces
in front of me,

calling to me
in Italian,

and... And tossing flowers
at my feet.

And I remember
thinking,

"Who is this strange boy?"

Yeah, well,
he's one of a kind.

One day he said,

"I must show you my treasures,"

and he emptied his knapsack
right on my front steps.

I never saw such an odd
collection of things.

Yeah,
all those aluminum cans.

Little wind-up dinosaurs.

Yeah.

Picture of Sergio Frankie.

And his favorite page
from the phonebook.

Smith through Smith.

Ah, I love that crazy lug.

I do too, Alex.

Won't you reconsider

and come to the wedding?

Eleanor, I, uh...
I just can't.

Doug is so hurt, Alex.

I just can't stand
seeing him this way.

Yeah, well,
there's nothing I can do.

Okay? I'm sorry.

I'm sorry too, Alex.

What's wrong, Alex?

Uh, n-nothing, Dad.

Uh, just, uh,

practicing to be a judge.

Death by hanging.

That was, um...
That was Eleanor, just left.

You have an argument?

Uh, no.

No, she was great.

She's one... One of the nicest
people I ever met in my life.

Then you're going
to the wedding?

No. No, Dad.
I'm opposed to this marriage,

now more than ever before.

And you know the thing
that really irks me?

I have no idea why.

Maybe you're afraid.

Of what?

Of losing Doug to Eleanor.

Losing Doug to Eleanor?

Come on, Dad.
You make it sound like...

Losing Doug to Eleanor.

That's absurd.

I knew him first.

Look, Eleanor is not
taking Doug away.

The two of you
can still be friends.

Yeah, but...

Look, who...
Who's gonna look after him now?

You know,
who's gonna hold his glasses

when he drinks out
of the water fountain?

Who's gonna help him
find his keys?

Who's gonna tell him not to walk
when the sign says "don't walk"?

She will.

Those are my jobs.

I'm telling you, Dad. This is
just the tip of the iceberg.

Everything is changing.

Doug is getting married,

and the poker game
is breaking up.

Jennifer is wearing
high heels.

Where does it stop?

It never stops, Alex.

Change is...
Is just a part of life.

You have to learn
to accept it

with grace and dignity.

Jennifer's wearing
high heels?

Oh, Steven.
It seems like just yesterday

Doug lost his skate key.

I remember.

He slept in those skates
for three weeks.

Please be seated.

Ladies, gentlemen,

distinguished relatives,
guests.

We are gathered
here today

to join this beautiful couple
in holy matrimony.

The marriage oath
is a sacred one.

Alex!

What are you doing here?

Thought you said
you weren't coming.

Uh, Doug, uh, please.
Go on with the ceremony.

Well, what's going on?

Uh, Doug,
I- I reconsidered.

Uh, that's all. Please,
go on ahead. Get married.

What about everything
you said about how

you're against my getting
married and everything?

Uh, listen, Doug.

Sorry.

Um, I've been thinking

uh, about everything
I said,

that, uh,
that you were too young,

you know,
and that your mind was clouded.

Well, I... I wasn't talking
about you.

Sure sounds like me.

Uh, no.
I- I was talking about me.

You know, my fears and...
And my immaturity.

My selfishness.

I wasn't thinking
about what you had to gain.

I was thinking
about what I had to lose.

What did you have to lose?

You.

You weren't gonna lose me
by my getting married.

Yeah, well,
I know that now.

Anyway,
I'm sorry, Doug,

and I hope you
can forgive me.

Alex, do I have
your blessing?

Doug, until yesterday,
I didn't realize

what a wonderful girl
Eleanor is, you know?

How lucky you are
to have someone like her.

You got my blessing.

Yeah.

Lyle,
you're not best man anymore.

Okay.

Let's go, Alex.

Uh, Doug.

Thanks.

Uh, it's you two

that are getting married,
right?

Uh, right, right.
Um,

this is the happy couple.