Family Ties (1982–1989): Season 2, Episode 12 - Go Tigers - full transcript

♪ I bet we've been together
for a million years ♪

♪ and I'll bet we'll be together
for a million more ♪

♪ oh, it's like
I started breathing ♪

♪ on the night we kissed

♪ and I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ and there ain't no nothin' ♪

♪ we can't love
each other through ♪



♪ ooh-hoo

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ sha-la-la-la

Don't be silly, Barbara. I told you
yesterday he'll be no trouble at all.

Ok, I'll see you
Saturday. Bye-bye.

Who was that?

That's my cousin Barbara.

She and Dick are going
out of town on Saturday.

They wanted to know if we could
baby-sit for little Kenneth.

Why, are all the reform schools
closed for the weekend?

Steven, he's a perfectly
well-behaved little boy.

Elyse, we're talking about a kid who
needed a police escort to nursery school.

Come on, Steven, it will be fun. Alex
and Mallory will be out of town.



We'll have plenty of room.

Elyse, I have some

very important work
to get done on Saturday,

plus I'm planning on

watching the big
Ohio State-Iowa game.

Steven, don't worry.

Jennifer and I will keep
him out of your way.

I promise.

I just wish you'd consult
me on these things first.

I will from now on. I promise.

It's not fair to impose on me.

I mean, it is the weekend.

You're absolutely right.

I'm wrong.

I'm sorry, ok?

Ok.

I hope I wasn't
too rough on you.

I hope Kenneth finds
something in here he likes.

This is all I could find
out of Alex's old toys.

He used to have
a whole closet full.

I think he sold the
rest to an orphanage.

Mom, will you talk
to Alex, please?

He says I can't go to Princeton
with him this weekend.

No, no, no. I did not say that.

All I said was that if she insists
on tagging along to visit Jeff,

she's going to have to
abide by my rules.

What rules?

He told me I had to ride
in the freight car.

It is not a freight car.

It's a baggage car.

Alex!

Look, I went to a lot of trouble to set up
this interview with the Dean of admissions.

This interview is pivotal
to my future as a collegian.

It is not a vacation junket
for your personal amusement.

Alex, we understand how important
this interview is to you,

but I think you ought to ease up
on your restrictions a little bit.

Alex, I promise I will not annoy
you for the entire weekend.

How can I be so sure of that?

You've never gone that long
without annoying me before.

I've never tried before.

Look, Alex, I won't bother you.

You won't even know I'm there.

Ok.

What should we wear on the train?
Something collegiate!

Yo, Jeff!

Wow, 305...
This is the place.

Wow! This is great!

I love college.

"Alex, I'll be back about 2:00.
Make yourself comfortable. Jeff."

Alex, Jeff is going to be
so surprised to see me.

Are we going to
wait here for him?

No, are not going to
do anything, Mallory.

I am going to get settled here,

walk around the campus,
then go to my interview.

I got to get mentally prepared.

I don't even want to see you

until after the interview is over.
Is that clear?

I saw a poster
for a dance tonight.

I wonder if Jeff will take me to that.
Do you think he will?

You're really starting to
get on my nerves, Mallory.

I brought a nice dress
with me just in case.

Oh, Alex! This is so exciting!

Mallory...

Listen, Mallory.

I would very much like to
be alone right now, ok?

Why don't you go downstairs?

Find what room you're
going to be in.

Get yourself settled.

I should be gone by the
time you get back.

Mallory...

Please, I beg of you.

Go away.

Ok, I'll go.

Oh, listen, if Jeff comes back,
don't tell him I'm here.

I want to surprise him.

How's it going?

Uh... Fine.

Where's, uh... You know...

The little prince?

Kenneth is outside
playing quietly with Jennifer,

just where he's been
since he first got here.

Ok, don't rub it in.
He's behaving very well.

I'm sorry I overreacted
the other day.

I guess the memory
of Kenneth's last visit

was still fresh in my mind.

Steven, Kenneth's last visit
was uneventful.

The fire department
didn't think so.

Relax, get your work done.

Pretty soon you'll just
forget he's even around.

Ah!

Gotcha!

What happened?

Kenneth shot me.

What?

He was playing, and
he snuck up on me,

and he zapped me
with a toy space gun!

Oh, honey. Should I take you
to the pretend hospital?

Mom, can we go now?

Go where?

Don't you remember?

Today's mother's day at my ballet school.
All the mothers will be there.

Don't go!

I mean, uh...

Can't you go some other time?
Tomorrow?

I forgot all about it, but I
promised her, honey. I have to go.

I'll go get my stuff.

Well, if you must go, would you
please take Kenneth with you?

What would Kenneth do
at a ballet class?

The same thing he does here...

Cause misery
and human suffering.

That's enough, Steven.

You are overreacting
to the whole situation.

Ok, you're right. I'm sorry.

Let's go, mom.

Ok, I'll see you in a
little while, honey.

Let's hope.

Bye, dad. Bye, honey.

Kenneth!

Hi, cousin Elyse.

Kenneth, I have to take
Jennifer to ballet class.

You play nicely while I'm gone?

Don't worry about me.

I'll be fine here
with good old cousin Steven.

Good-bye.

Bye.

Cousin Steven?

Yes, Kenneth?

I'm sorry for scaring you
with the space gun.

I accept your apology, Kenneth.

I know you have a lot of work to do,
so I won't bother you anymore, ok?

Thank you. I appreciate it.

I'll go outside and play
with some of those toys.

Maybe when I'm done here,

I'll come out, and we can
toss the softball around.

How does that sound?

Great! I'll go warm up!
See you later!

I swear...

Yum dum dum bum bum

bum bum

take me out to the crowd

buy me some peanuts...

And cracker Jacks...

Alex!

Hey, Jeff! How you doing, buddy?

Good to see you!

Great to see you!

Try to stay off
my roommate's side.

Things can get a little
dangerous over there.

Yeah. Uh-huh.

So...

When's your interview?

Half an hour.

I'm so excited.

Who's it with?

One of the deans.

Dean Memminger.

Memminger?

Alex, he's tough.

What do you mean tough?

Well, he's from the old
school, likes the old values.

He wasn't happy
when the school went coed.

He thinks girls interfere with the
manly pursuit of higher education.

So do I.

Listen, Jeff, I was going to take a
little walk around the old campus

before my interview.
You want to come?

I can't. I've got a friend
coming over in a few minutes.

Ok. Well, I'll see you later.

Good luck.

Thanks.

Hi.

Hi.

Did your friend Alex get here?

Yeah. He just
went off to have his...

Interview.

Have you told his
sister about me yet?

Not yet.

I feel funny
doing it in a letter.

I'm going to wait till the next time I go
back home so I can tell her in person.

Good.

Jeff?

Mallory!

What are you doing here?

I came up with Alex...

To surprise you.

Well, it worked!

So I really think I'm
top Princeton material.

My overall G.P.A. is 3.9874,

and I scored in the top 3%
nationwide on the S.A.T.S.

I was also editor of
the school newspaper,

and I lettered in soccer
for the past 3 years.

That's very impressive.

You certainly seem like
Princeton material to me.

Well, uh, thank you.

Well, take care.

Mr. Keaton?

Yes, sir. That's me.

Keaton, Alex P.

Dean Memminger,
no middle initial.

Well, that's
not your fault, sir.

I mean, hello!

It's a pleasure
to meet you, sir.

I'm not quite ready for you yet.

Be right back.

Allow me, sir.

Please wait inside my office.
I'll join you in a few minutes.

Yes, sir.

I'll just wait inside your
office then, sir.

You'll be back in a few minutes.

So far, so good.

Whoa.

Yes, Dean Memminger.

I certainly do
want to attend Princeton.

I have always had a certain...

Oh, shall we say lust...

No, not lust.

An admiration
for the Ivy league.

Alex!

Mallory, what
are you doing here?

Um, um, I saw Jeff...

What about Jeff?

I saw Jeff and, and,

and the desk, uh, kissing.

Jeff was kissing the desk?

No, he was leaning
against the desk.

He was, um...

He was kissing, um... A girl.

Oh, boy.

I want to go home.

Let's go home, ok, Alex?

Mallory, are you crazy?

I got my interview now!

Mallory, I've
got to talk to you!

Go away, Jeff! I don't
want to see you!

Let me explain!

Mallory, let him explain.

Jeff, why don't you take her out for
dinner. Here's a couple of bucks.

Mallory, I had every intention
of telling you about Sandy.

Sandy! Did you hear that, Alex?

Her name's Sandy!

Here's some more money.

Take Sandy with you.

I'm sorry you had
to find out like this,

but don't forget we did agree
to see other people.

Say, that's right. Well,
I guess this is settled, huh?

Just go away, ok, Jeff, 'cause I
don't want to talk about it anymore.

Mallory!

Jeff.

Alex!

Ahem!

Has there been a coup?

Well, hello, Dean Memminger.

I was just
wishing Alex good luck.

I think you'll really like him.

He's a swell kid.

Well, that's good enough for me.

Congratulations.

Welcome to Princeton.

We'll talk later, Mallory.

Well, so long.

And who is this?

Hi.

She was just leaving.

I want to go home
right now, ok, Alex?

Mallory, please be
reasonable, ok?

Just wait outside. I'll be
done here in a few minutes.

Ok. I'll wait out here.

Good.

And try to keep
your mind off Jeff.

Ok. I'm ready.

Are you sure?

Yes, sir.

This interview has not got off
to a good start, Mr. Keaton.

If there is any further interruptions,
I may have to hold it against you.

Yes, sir. I'd do the same thing
if I were in your shoes.

By the way, did I tell you how
much I liked your shoes?

Sit down, Mr. Keaton, please.

Yes, sir.

I must say, I'm very impressed
with your application.

Very impressed, indeed.

I can always spot sincerity and
commitment in an application.

Well, thank you, sir. I tried to
throw a lot of both in there.

Dean Memminger,
as you could probably tell,

I regard Princeton
as perhaps the finest...

Educational inn...

Ever since I was a young lad

of about, oh, I don't know,
six or eight months of age...

Excuse me.

Hello.

It's for you.

Thank you.

Hello.

Mallory, would you please...

Look!

I know you want to
go home right now,

but I can't!

Now, Mallory,
don't leave without me.

No, don't leave the building.

I repeat, do not
leave the building!

Do you think she'll call again?

No. No, that's it.

Fine. Then we can get
on with this interview.

Please.

Alright, Mr. Keaton, could you tell
me what unique qualities you possess

which might enrich
the Princeton community.

Well, sir, I'm glad
you asked that.

How much time have you got?

Ha!

Well, sir, at the risk
of sounding immodest,

you see before you
a young man without a flaw.

Unless, of course,
you find me immodest,

in which case, I have one flaw.

I see that you're very involved

in extracurricular activities.

Oh, yes, sir. You see correctly.

As a matter of fact, if I may speak
extracurricularly for a moment...

If you can, please do.

Well, sir, I, uh...

She's leaving.

Huh?

Just a second.

Mallory, come back here
will you?!

What is going on here?

Dean Memminger,
is there any possibility

of rescheduling this interview?
Maybe later today or tomorrow?

There'll be no rescheduling
of this interview.

I'm sorry to hear that, sir,

because I really have to go.

What?

Look. That's
my sister out there.

She came up to Princeton with
me to surprise her boyfriend,

and she saw him
with another girl.

She's very upset,

and I should probably go talk to
her because I am her brother.

So, I got to go.

Sir, I hope my record
can stand on its own

because I really do
want to attend Princeton.

I love this place.

I love everything about it.

I have ivy growing
on my bedroom walls.

Go Tigers!

Beat Yale!

I mean that.

The Buckeyes call time-out.

12 seconds left in the game.

It's a long shot, folks,
but they're still in this one.

I'm bored, cousin Steven.
When's Jennifer getting back?

Very soon.

Isn't there something you
can do until she gets back?

Like what?

What have you been
doing up till now?

Burning ants
with a magnifying glass.

So keep doing that!

Can I go through your
drawers and closets again?

No, I'd really rather you...

What do you mean, again?

Teams retake the field
for what well could be

the final play of the game.

The Buckeyes are down 16 to 12.

Oh, can I watch Dippy Dog?

Kenneth, no. Kenneth... Please.

This is the last play
of the game.

I bet I could get picture
to come in better.

Kenneth, it's fine!

Fine, really.

The Buckeyes line up
in the power I-formation.

Stopwood calls the signals.
He takes the snap.

Kenneth!

Stopwood fades to pass.

He's in trouble.

He laterals to Sobrenko.

I'm gonna be over here!

Sobrenko's at the 40!

He breaks a tackle!
At the 30! The 20!

He's got one more man to beat!

Go, go, go!

Not you, Kenneth!

Oops.

Hey, I got you something to eat.

Oh, thanks, I'm not hungry.

How are you feeling?

I want to die.

I guess you're not up for a
game of Gin Rummy then, huh?

What a weekend.

I ruined your interview,
I lost my boyfriend,

I made a complete fool
of myself in the process.

Never before have I acted so
stupidly and so selfishly.

Come on, Mallory.

Sure you have.

I'm kidding. I'm just kidding.
Come on, cheer up, will you?

So, uh...

How did you and Jeff
leave things?

Well, there wasn't a whole lot
we could say to each other.

I mean, we did agree
to see other people.

It was stupid of me to go
up there this weekend.

Why didn't you try to stop me?

What?

Kidding. I'm just kidding.

It's good that
you can laugh about it.

Despair does funny things
to a woman.

Listen, uh...

Mallory...

You lost a boyfriend today,

a good one,

and I know you're upset,

but let me tell you something.

You're a very special person.

You got a good heart,

you got a good sense of humor,

you're attractive,

and, uh... You're a lot smarter

than I usually
give you credit for.

So, uh... Don't
you worry, Mallory.

There are a lot
of guys out there

who'd consider themselves lucky

to even meet someone like you.

It's true, Mallory.

I don't know what in the world

just possessed me
to say all that,

but, uh... It is true.

Alex, I don't understand it.

I mean, I'm surprised you're not angry
with me after what I did to you today.

Mallory, what would be the point
in getting angry at you now?

You were broken-hearted. You
were in a weakened state.

I'll wait till you feel better.
Then I'll really let you have it.

No, I'm serious, Alex.

I ruined your college interview.

I mean, I practically destroyed your
chances of getting into Princeton.

What I did today may have damaged
the course of your entire life.

Because of me!

Mallory, listen,
I'm not angry now.

But if you keep this up, I'm going
to throw you off the train.

But it's true.

I don't understand it myself.

All I know is when I was up there
in Dean Memminger's office,

and I saw you wandering across
the campus delirious with grief,

it really got to me.

All of a sudden,

getting into Princeton
didn't seem as important

as helping you out.

I think you're changing, Alex.

You may be right, Mallory.

I really learned a lot
about myself today.

What?

I always thought that I
knew myself, you know,

what I wanted,
how I wanted to get it,

but apparently, I was wrong.

I am just going to have to
face the cold, hard truth

that underneath it all,
like it or not,

I'm just a helluva nice guy.

Shut up and deal the cards.

All right.

How about a game of Hearts?

Alex.

Old Maid?