Family Ties (1982–1989): Season 2, Episode 1 - Tender Is the Knight - full transcript

♪ I bet we've been together
for a million years ♪

♪ and I'll bet we'll be together
for a million more ♪

♪ oh, it's like
I started breathing ♪

♪ on the night we kissed

♪ and I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ and there ain't no nothin' ♪

♪ we can't love
each other through ♪



♪ ooh-hoo

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ sha-la-la-la

What an incredible meal, Elyse.

Oh, thanks, Julia.

Someday, I'm gonna write
an article about cooking.

Do you think I have to learn
how to cook first?

Not necessarily, mom.

You wrote an article
about Eskimo mating rituals

and you never...

Bad example.

You know, mom,
I'm really jealous.

Since we've seen them last,



they've been to Alaska,
Russia, China, Tibet.

What's our next trip gonna be?

Well, uh, in June,

your cousin Harold's getting
married in Pittsburgh.

Wow. We better get
our passports ready.

Well, the projector's set up.
Uh, where are the slides, Julia?

I'll get them.
They're in my bag.

Boy, Alex is gonna be so excited

when he comes home
and finds you here.

Excited or panicked?

You know, Alex was intimidated
by you when he was younger,

but I'm sure
he's over that by now.

Who are you kidding? I bet
he's still terrified of her.

Oh, who's supposed to be
doing dishes tonight?

- Alex.
- Alex.

Who's on backup?

- Jennif...
- Mallory.

Oh, we have two winners
tonight... Jennifer and Mallory.

So, where's Alex?
Why isn't he home yet?

I have to be honest, Carrie...

I don't usually worry
about that sort of thing.

I see you two
are as close as ever.

Carrie, I've never understood
why you're attracted to him.

Neither have I.
That's the beauty of it.

What do you possibly see in him?

Well, for one thing, I like
the fact that I can beat him up.

We all do.

Boy, I love it when
Carrie and her mom are here.

It's like
"My Dinner with Andre."

With who?

It's a movie.

Oh.

Alex, where have you been?
You missed dinner.

I just spent two hours
arguing with Dr. Schulte

about the school dress code.

Our school doesn't have
a dress code.

Does now.

I wouldn't wear that to
school tomorrow, if I were you.

You really think
you're hot stuff, huh, Alex?

Pretty hot, yeah.

You're sitting on top
of the world, aren't you?

You bet.

Remember Carrie Newman?

Uh, c-Carrie Newman?

Yeah. What does she
have to do with anything?

She's in the living room.

Ah... Ah, ge...
Uh... Carrie...

Carrie Newman
is in this house now?

Oh, my god.

He's so cute
when he falls apart.

Ever since you two were kids,

she's had you
running around in circles.

I love it.

Come on, Jennifer. Let's get
the rest of the dishes.

Don't leave me.

Ah...

All right. All right.
Don't panic.

You're older now.

You're more mature.

You can handle this.

I got to get out of here.

Hi, Alex.

Carrie!

I-I was just coming in.

You always enter a room
backwards?

I'm breaking in
a new pair of shoes.

Uh, you look great, Carrie.

That's quite an outfit.

Thanks. I found it
in a flea market in Brazil.

Belonged to an Amazon woman
who had many male slaves.

You don't look so bad yourself.

Ah, thanks.
Uh, J. C. Penney's, Toledo.

Never worn by anyone else.

Uh, c-Carrie, uh,
now, don't try anything, okay?

My parents are in the next room.

Take it easy, Alex.

All I want is
a friendly "hello" hug.

How about
a friendly "hello" wave?

Mom!

You don't hug easy, Alex.

So, uh...

How long are you and your mom
in town for this time?

Overnight? Couple of days?

We're back for good.

Oh...

Julia took a job as regional
correspondent for newsweek.

We're staying with you
until our house is ready.

Alex, you're hyperventilating.

T-there's nothing hyper
about this ventilating.

It's good to see you, Alex.

Old friends are special friends.

It's good to see you, too,
Carrie.

You know, Alex,
the last time I saw you,

you were wearing a blond wig
and pinafore.

That whole thing was your idea.

Remember, you wanted
to paint my picture.

"Alex in Wonderland."

What do you say
we go out tomorrow night?

Out of the question.

C-Carrie, it is
the man's responsibility

to make the advances, a-and...

And it's the woman's duty
to fight him off.

A-anyway, if we were to go out,
I should be the one to ask.

Okay. Ask.

Well, I can't ask
if you're telling me to ask.

I mean, that's the same
as yo asking me.

I am the man. I call the shots.

Mom!

Aw, there they are.

4 years old...
Carrie and Alex taking a bath.

Can we, uh, speed it up
a little, please?

Let's give everyone a chance
to study the slide, Alex.

This isn't film school, dad.

Wasn't Alex adorable?

He looks so round and soft
and cuddly.

Like a gerbil.

- Aww.
- Aww. -Aww.

Sorry... last slide.

Well, those were great!

- Thanks, Julia.
- You're welcome.

Carrie developed a lot
of the recent ones herself.

I've got a darkroom
in the house.

I bet you do.

Hi.

Yeah. Sure.

Victor!

You want to come in
and meet some of my friends?

No.

Uh, I mean, I can't.
Uh, my motor's running.

Yeah, I can see that.

Victor. So nice to see you.

Well, see you all later.

Have a good time.

Uh, nice almost meeting you.

Yeah. Sure.

Wow. Victor's a real hunk.
Where'd she meet him?

We used to live next door
to his parole officer.

Parole officer?

Mrs. Newman, how can you let her
go out with a guy like that?

I trust Carrie.

I am opposed to this date.

I just want to say,
for the record,

that I am opposed to this.

So recorded.

You know,
this whole thing is my fault.

I mean, if I had gone out with
Carrie, like she asked me to,

she wouldn't have to go out
with societal dregs.

Alex is jealous.

You're dying to go out with her,

but you don't have
the guts to do it.

No, no, no. That... that...
That's where you're wrong.

I'm gonna ask her out.

But not because I want to.

I'll do it
because duty calls me.

I owe it to Carrie
to save her from herself.

I've got to be strong
for both of us.

She is... is a ship t-that has
lost her way in the night...

And I'm her lighthouse.

I've got to show her the way.

And if I succeed,

we'll both be
better human beings...

And better citizens.

Sounds like a fun date.

Alex. I thought
you went to bed hours ago.

Where could she be?

I'm telling you,
Carrie is headed for trouble.

Someone has got to show her

how a proper young lady
should act.

Let me guess
who that someone should be.

I have got
our whole date planned.

It's gonna be
a very wholesome evening.

I thought we'd start

with a quick trip
through the Art Museum.

Good choice.

They're having a wonderful
exhibit on the Rrenaissance nude.

Probably wouldn't
have been time, anyway.

Oh, okay, okay.

First, we'll go
to the Red Cross, donate blood.

Then, uh, I figured we'd tail
the bookmobile for a while.

And if time permits,

we'll go to the orphanage,
pass out lollipops.

Alex, you don't go
to any of these places.

Well, I'm not doing this
for me, mom.

I'm doing this for Carrie.

Why don't you just admit
that you want to go out with her

because you like her?

Like her?

Mom, I am doing this
because I'm her friend.

I am not romantically attracted
to her at all.

Hi, Alex.

Hi, Carrie.

Nope. No attraction there.

Well, it's late.

I think maybe we should
all be going up now, don't you?

Come on, Elyse.
They don't need ushers.

Kids...

Why did you wait up
for me, Alex?

Oh, I-i didn't wait up.

I'm always up at this hour.

I-I happen to be
something of a night owl.

I-I move by the rhythms
of the night.

Where have you been?

Dancing.

There are no dance clubs
open at this hour.

Streets are open.
The parks are open.

You want to dance,
you can dance wherever you are.

Even in the kitchen.

Okay, you can lead.

C-Carrie, I don't want to dance.

I want to talk.

We can dance and talk
at the same time.

No, not me. I-i have to dance,
talk, and, uh, count.

Okay, Alex. What is it?

Uh, Carrie, I'd...

I'd like to offer you
a unique experience with me

that will change your life.

I like a man with confidence.

Ah, uh, Carr... Carrie...

I think t-that you and I
should go out.

Great. It's a little late,
but what the hell. Let's go.

No, no. N-n-not now.
Tomorrow night.

Oh, okay.
I'm free tomorrow night.

You know what'd be really wild?

W-wait a minute, Carrie.
Carrie, I am planning this date.

I decide what we do
and... and when we do it

and how much we enjoy it.

All...
All you have to do

is, uh, be ready
w-when I pick you up.

Okay. Which room
do you want to pick me up in?

Right, I-i forgot.

We're, uh,
staying in the same house.

In the next room.

Well, I better rest up
for tomorrow night.

Good night, Alex.

"Unique experience"
that will change my life.

I don't think I'll be able
to go to sleep now.

Come on, Mallory. Will you get
out of the bathroom already?

You've been in there for
the better part of the century.

Sorry, Alex.

Next time, I'll just
take a sponge bath.

Uh, dad, I didn't know
you were in there.

I told Mallory to let me know
as soon as she came out.

I got to have a shower
before my date.

What time are you going out?

8:00.

Just under three hours.

If you hurry, you'll make it.

I'm sorry, Alex.

I-I just... I didn't know
anybody was in there.

Oh, hey, the shower curtain
was closed.

T-the water was running.
How could you tell?

My mind must have been
somewhere else.

Go ahead. Finish your shower.

I'm too tense now.

I might drown.

Tell you what...
We can take one together,

and then I can save you
if you start to drown.

C-Carrie, please, will you just
go in and take your shower?

I'd like to be alone right now.

Okay, okay.

By the way,
don't bother to change.

You look great.

Alex.

Are there any more women
coming upstairs, or is this it?

Do you want me to call
my brownie troop?

Why not? W-w-why not?

I-I have no dignity left.

You didn't start out with much.

Alex?

I forgot to give you your robe.

Uh, yeah.
This is my robe, all right.

Alex, I'm shocked!

Doesn't look like the start

of the world's
most wholesome date to me.

Hey, this is, uh, quite a place.

Don't you think?

Uh, it's everything
I thought it would be, Alex.

Where's Donny and Marie?

Hi. I'm your waitress...
Sherry.

Hi. I'm your customer...
Alex.

Uh, this is Carrie.

Oh, wow!

Sherry and Carrie.

Isn't that cute?
Our names almost rhyme.

It's staggering.
I... imagine the odds.

Ah.

So, what will
the gang be having?

Uh, two apple pie
and two glasses of milk.

No, wait.

Actually,
make that one glass of milk...

Two straws.

Uh, I hope
I'm not being too forward.

You cad.

I'll be right back.

Don't miss me.

We won't.

You know, it's really nice
to be here with you, Carrie.

Thank you.

It's nice to be with you, Alex.

I was... Kind of hoping
we could go somewhere with...

A little more ambience.

More romantic.

More intimate,
maybe some candlelight.

Uh, there's candlelight
right over there.

Alex, would you say

that I've been
a pretty good sport tonight?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, I guess so.

Did I complain when you took me
to the bingo finals

at the Senior Citizens' Home?

No.

Did I complain when we went
to the Immigration Center

to watch new citizens
being sworn in?

No.

Alex, let's get out of here!
Come on!

We could go skydiving,
horseback riding,

dancing.

I know a great club
and a really hot band.

I want to get crazy
with you, Alex.

Don't you want
to get crazy with me?

Yeah.

I-I mean, no. No! No. We can't.

Why not?

Because it defeats
the whole purpose of this night.

We can have fun without...
Having fun.

Alex, you can't tell me
this is a normal date for you.

The purpose of tonight
was not to have a normal date.

Well, you've succeeded there.

This is not the Alex
that I wanted to go out with.

My Alex made me laugh.

He made me feel special.

And I could make him laugh
and feel special.

Where is he tonight?

That... that Alex
has no place here.

I'm here instead.

Carrie, I'm worried about you.

What are you talking about?

You know what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about
the... the way you act,

the... the way you dress,
the way you talk.

You don't act
like a girl should act.

Y-you should be more like...

Sherry?

What is wrong with Sherry?

You put a brain in that head,
you got a real special girl.

So that's what tonight
was all about?

You were trying to show me
how to be a good little girl?

Carrie, you've got to settle
down before you do some damage.

I just want you to have
some pride, some self-respect.

I just want you to see
that there are other options.

You're right.

There are other options.

And I'm going to exercise
one of them right now.

See you 'round, Alex.

Oh, hi, Alex.

Hi, dad.

Up kind of late, aren't you?

To be honest, uh,
I'm waiting up for Mallory.

I know it's old-fashioned,

but, uh, every time
she goes out with a new boy,

I can't help worrying a little.

I didn't know that.

That's because
I usually worry upstairs.

There's a lot more
to worry about

with girls than with boys,
isn't there?

Not more worries...
Just, uh, different ones.

But you would say

that a girl has to be
more careful than a guy?

You know, worry more
about her reputation,

her demeanor,
the way she acts in public.

Where's Carrie?

She walked out on me.

All I was trying to do
was help her,

and that's the thanks I get.

Maybe she didn't want
to be helped.

Maybe she's, uh,
happy the way she is.

Well, maybe she's happy with it,
but I'm not.

I guess that's the real problem,
isn't it?

Mm-hmm.

Why am I driving myself crazy?

I mean, she's not gonna change.

Not likely.

I-I guess I better just...

Forget about her, huh?

That would solve the problem.

Yeah.

You're right. It would.

Thanks, dad. Good night.

Good night, Alex.

Why do I have to be the one
to change?

Because you want to be with her.

You know what I feel like
when Carrie and I are together?

I-I feel like an astronaut

who never went
through the training program.

I'm out there
in some other world,

and I don't even know
how to fly the ship.

Well, then, uh...

You were lucky
to be with someone who does.

Yeah.

Guess you're right. I am lucky.

It's pretty amazing out there.

I know.

I married an astronaut myself.

Uh, dad...

If, uh, boys and girls are
supposed to be treated the same,

how come you're waiting up
for Mallory?

'Cause you're already home.

Uh, well, uh...

Think I'll finish
my waiting upstairs.

I just want to say right off,
I don't know why I came back.

I think I do.

You wanted to tell me
what a jerk I was,

h-how rude I was,

how obnoxious, presumptuous,
manipulative.

Keep going.
I think you're onto something.

Carrie, I-i am sorry.

Boy, this evening
really backfired.

I wanted to reform you,
to turn you into a real lady,

and instead...

Instead what?

I think maybe
you already are a lady.

It's just that y-you're
a different kind of lady

from the kind of lady
that I think about

when I think
about the word "lady."

Alex, what if I decided

to become the good little girl
you want me to be?

Do you really think either of us
would be happy with that?

I don't know.

Carrie, we're so different.

Why do we like each other
so much?

Because we are so different.

Because we see in each other

something we don't see
in ourselves.

And that's what
it's always been about, Alex.

What are we gonna do?

What we want to do.

I'm glad I asked.

Will you go out with me tonight?

I already did.

No, no, no. I mean, again.
It's still early.

I know a real romantic place.

Great ambience.

Sounds nice.