Family Matters (1989–1998): Season 4, Episode 10 - It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Urkel - full transcript

Season's greetings, Winslows.

Everybody, look, it's the
Nerd Of Christmas Past.

Uncle Steve, why are you
wearing a fire extinguisher?

Ah. Richie, this is
my latest invention.

The Amazing Urkel
Super Turbo Tree Flocker.

A tree flocker?

Yep, I can flock anything
in less than 30 seconds.

Go home, Steve.

Fiddly dee. What's this I see?
Could it be a Christmas tree?

Steve, go.

I cannot go. Oh, my, oh no.



Why, this Christmas
tree is without snow.

I'm not interested.

Oh, gosh, oh gee,
a cranky mocker.

So rest your tush
in this here rocker...

while I demonstrate
my Turbo Flocker.

Oh!

Ah!

Did I do that?

Oh, Laura, my pet.
Your sleigh awaits.

Steve, take that thing home and
hang it back up on your Christmas tree.

Doing a little-last minute
Christmas shopping?

My cheerleading squad was
handing out toys to orphan kids.

So while I was here, I picked
up this gift I had on layaway.

It's snowing to beat the band, and
you could catch your death, young lady.



Now, come along and let
me drive you home. Whoa!

Steve.

Don't worry. I'm fine.
This bag broke my fall.

And my fall broke this bag.

Steve, this was a crystal
vase for my mother.

Well, don't worry. I'll give
you the gift I got for my mom.

A handsome pair of Earth shoes.

I have had it with you, Steve.

Now wind up that car
and drive out of my life.

Now, Laura, you don't mean that.

Yes, I do.

I don't wanna think about you,
I don't wanna talk about you...

and I don't wanna
hear about you.

From now on... you don't exist.

Now, go.

All right, Laura.

I'll go.

But I'll never stop loving you.

You always do this.

You mess up my life...

and then when I get mad at you,
you make me feel guilty about it.

Well, this time, it
isn't gonna work.

- You know what?
- What?

I wish you knew what
it was like to be me.

Oh!

Heh, heh. I'm sorry. I
didn't see you sit down.

- Like you appeared out of thin air.
- I did.

Now, don't be frightened, Laura.

How'd you know my name?
I've never seen you before.

I know, but I've been watching you
ever since the day you were born.

I'm your guardian angel.

Goodbye.

Ah!

How'd you do that?

I told you, I'm an angel.

Oh, yeah? Well, then, where
are your wings and your harp?

I haven't gotten my wings
yet and I play the keyboards.

Look, you better leave
me alone. My dad's a cop.

Oh, now chill, baby girl.

You still don't
believe me, do you?

Well, check this out.

- What's that?
- That's my remote control.

What does it control?

Just about everything.

Like... are you tired of snow?

That could have
been a coincidence.

Uh...

Let's try this one, all right?

Whoa.

- Now, that's good.
- Thank you very much.

You should hear me
play keyboards. I do this

Ray Charles number
that's serious. Heh, heh.

You're really my guardian angel?

Yep. Tyrone P. Jackson,
but you can call me Ty.

See, I was sent down
here to grant your wish.

Wish?
- Mm-hm. And if I do a good job...

I can get my wings.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

If you go to a restaurant in heaven
and you don't have your wings...

they sit you right
next to the kitchen.

You said something
about granting my wish?

What wish?

You wished that Steve Urkel
could find out what it's like to be you.

So here we go. Ha, ha.

Hey, that's my house.

Yep, we're watching ABC...

the Angel Broadcasting Channel.

Great reception. Look at that.

I'm flat broke. Could you give me money
so I can finish my Christmas shopping?

How much do you need?

Well, now that depends.

How nice a gift do you want?

I'll tell you what.

Why not give me cash for
Christmas. Thanks for the present, son.

Dad, cash is so... impersonal.

Edward, why can't you manage
money like your brother Steve?

He finished his shopping weeks
ago and never asked me for a penny.

Hey, Dad. Edward.

I'm going to the mall to help
hand out toys to orphan kids.

That's wonderful, son.

Look at him.

Charming, handsome, popular.

Steve is the perfect son.

Steve is my brother?

No, he's Eddie's brother.

You wished that Steve could
find out what it's like to be you.

And now you're about to find
out what it's like to be Steve Urkel.

Season's greetings, Winslows.

- That horrible-looking person is me?
- Afraid so.

You're the Winslow family's
annoying next-door neighbor...

Laura Urkel.

I look like a total geek.

Turn it off.

Oh, no, not yet.

See, you know what it
looks like to be Steve Urkel...

but you don't know
what it feels like.

Hey.

What are you doing?

Hi, Carl.

Eddo.

Steve, my little stud muffin.

- What do you want, Laura?
- Your hand in marriage...

but I'll settle for
a Christmas kiss.

Forget it.

Oh, come on. Lay
one on me, macho man.

Get lost, Laura.

All right. All right!

Yo, why are you so happy?

- He just told you to get lost.
- I know.

But he said, "Get lost, Laura."

Yesterday it was,
"Get lost, Fido Face."

I'm wearing you down, baby.

I'm wearing you down!

Hey, coming through.

Oh, wow.

- That's great.
- Honey, that's great.

Hey, what you
got there, big gal?

It's a gingerbread house. It took
me two whole days to finish it.

Oh, can I be the first
to lick your chimney?

Laura. Hey, hey, hey.

Be careful. This
is a work of art.

No, it's a work of Harriette.
Get it? Art? Harriette?

Go home, Laura.

- Well, I can't right now.
- Why not?

Well, I invented an
automatic poultry stuffer.

Unfortunately, the pesky machine
mistook my mom for a Christmas goose.

Ooh. Yo, what'd she say?

Well, she said, "Oh!"

- Whoa!
- Oh, no, no, no...

Did I do that?

Yeah, and I'm gonna do this.

- Come here.
- Mom, Mom, Mom.

Are you okay, my
precious pudding pop?

Laura...

I am not your pudding
pop and I never will be.

Oh, yes, you will.

One day, my charms
will overwhelm you.

And then you'll
fall into my arms...

and I'll bear you a
busload of fine, strong sons.

All right.

Listen to me.

Try and pay attention to
what I'm saying, Laura, okay?

- Are you paying attention?
- You have beautiful eyes.

- Thank you, Laura.
- And your nostrils are perfect.

Quiet.

Oh, they flared. Whoa,
daddy, hormone rush!

Just, just stop it. Stop it.

I have had it with you, Laura.

I want you out of my life.

- Oh, you don't mean that, sweetums.
- Oh, yes, I do.

I don't wanna think about you,
I don't wanna talk about you...

and I don't wanna
hear about you.

From this moment
on, you don't exist.

Now, go.

All right.

I'll go.

But I'll never stop loving you.

Goodbye, Steve.

Goodbye and good riddance.

Whoa!

Wow, what a trip.

I mean, I looked like a nerd
and I acted like a nerd, but...

But what?

But I had feelings
just like anybody else.

I mean, I loved Steve with all my
heart but he didn't love me back.

It was awful.

Oh, really?

You know what?

I should have
been nicer to Steve.

I wish I hadn't yelled at
him and hurt his feelings.

Bingo.

Now, that's the wish
I'm really here to grant.

- It is?
- That's right.

Well, take care, baby girl. I've got to
get back to my Christmas shopping.

Wait.

What's gonna happen to me?

Well, you wished that
you could be nice to Steve.

So I'm gonna send you back in
time, give you a second chance.

Will you get your wings?

I don't know.

But keep your eyes peeled...

because every time
a star lights up...

an angel gets his wings.

Well, I sure hope you get yours.

Me too.

So long, Laura.

So long, Ty.

Merry Christmas.

And thanks.

Now come along and let
me drive you home. Whoa!

Steve.

And don't worry, I'm fine.

This bag broke my fall.

And my fall broke this bag.

Hey, don't worry about it.

The important
thing is you're okay.

What?

Steve, will you drive me home?

Why, I must have an
eardrum on the fritz.

It sounded like you just
asked me to drive you home.

I did.

And if you're not too busy...

I'd like for you to spend Christmas
Eve with me and my family.

Is that all right with you?

Is Mrs. Claus a chubby chaser?

Why, I'll be there,
baby, with jingle bells on.

Ready? One...

two, three.

Ooh.

Hey, Dad. The
star didn't light up.

Oh, great.

I have to unplug everything
to find out the problem.

Oh, don't worry about it,
Carl. The tree looks beautiful.

Yeah, Carl. Relax.

- Have a glass of eggnog.
- Okay.

Oh, Laura?

Laura, I sure was shocked when you
invited me to spend Christmas Eve with you.

- You were?
- Why, yes.

I could only think of two reasons why you
would extend such a wonderful invitation.

Well, either your feelings
for me have changed...

or you've suffered a
nervous breakdown.

Let's just put it this way.

From now on I'm gonna try
very hard not to hurt your feelings.

You love me, don't you?

Hey, look at the star.

Way to go, Ty.

Uh, Laura.

Who are you talking to?

Oh, my guardian angel.

- He just got his wings.
- Oh, of course.

Nervous breakdown.

O come all ye faithful

Joyful and triumphant
O come ye, o come ye

To Bethlehem Come and behold him

Born the king of angels

O come let us adore him

O come let us adore him

O come let us adore
him Christ the Lord