Family Matters (1989–1998): Season 2, Episode 14 - Ice Station Winslow - full transcript
Carl drags Eddie along on an ice fishing trip to Lake Wannamuck. Tempers are already on thin ice between the two Winslow men, and their patience grows even shorter when Urkel shows up (and promptly becomes an ace at fishing). But he saves the day when Carl falls through the ice, making a shaken Eddie realize that he easily might no longer have had a father to argue with had things turned out differently. Meanwhile, Judy is upset that Richie is being lavished with attention.
Oh, Richie, you are gonna
be the hit of the winter pageant.
You know, you gotta be the
cutest thing in webbed feet.
They made me the penguin
because I had the best waddle.
Extra, extra. Read all about it.
Judy Winslow gets an A in spelling.
Way to go, Judy. That's
what happens when you study.
And get grounded.
- Mom, look at my test.
- Uh, just a second, honey.
- What do you think?
- Get a plastic surgeon.
We need an emergency
beak job. Ha, ha.
I got extra credit for
spelling platypus right.
Now hold on a second.
RACHEL: Let's see
here. HARRIETTE: Okay.
RACHEL: Oh, yeah.
HARRIETTE: Cute.
Oh, you're so cute.
Now, what were you saying, Judy?
[WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY]
Oh, Richie, I told you to go
before you put the costume on.
Come on.
[GRUNTING]
I knew I should have
built a zipper in that thing.
There they are,
the Snow Busters.
Hey, it's a snap when you got
the team of Winslow and Winslow.
[CHUCKLES]
Dad, why don't we just jump into the
20th century and buy a snow blower?
Now, why do I need a
snow blower when I got you?
Nice try, Eddie.
- Well, I'm out of here.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, not so fast.
How about me and you
hitting the old bowling alley?
- It's Burrito Night.
- No can do, Dad.
I'm hanging out
with the guys tonight.
Oh, sounds good. Count me in.
What's the skinny, Minny?
No, Dad. See, you can't go.
My friends will make fun of
me. They'll call me a dweeb.
No, they won't. I'm
a cop. I carry a gun.
Dad.
- All right, go ahead. Have a good time.
- Thanks.
See you later.
Phew! That was a close one.
See you, Dad.
You know, Harriette...
every time I want to do something
with Eddie, he says he's too busy.
- Oh. There's a reason for that.
- Oh? What is it?
You're old.
You didn't say I
was old last night.
No...
you went to sleep before
I could say anything.
Carl, if you want to spend more
time with Eddie, then plan ahead.
Schedule a
father-and-son outing.
I know what I should do.
If I wanna spend more time
with Eddie, I should plan ahead.
I'll schedule a
father-and-son outing.
Isn't that a great idea?
- Oh, Laura?
- Yeah, Mom?
I'm missing four
pairs of Eddie's socks.
Do you happen to have
any idea where they are?
Search me.
No need.
- What are you up to?
- Hopefully about a 38D.
Honey, just let
nature take its course.
You will blossom any day now.
Ahh. Yeah, well, in the meantime
I'll just work on my balance.
Harriette, we've got to talk.
- Kleenex?
- Socks.
Your mother once
tried bean bags.
Harriette, I just caught Judy ripping
the beak off Richie's penguin costume.
I just don't know what's
gotten into that child.
Has her head been
spinning around?
- Judy's probably jealous.
- Of what?
Well, she's not the baby
of the house anymore.
But I wouldn't worry too much.
Same thing happened to me,
and look how great I turned out.
You were actually
jealous of Aunt Rachel?
[SCOFFS THEN LAUGHS]
I'll have you know I
was a stunning baby.
People came for miles
around just to kootchy koo me.
They still do.
- Aw, give it a rest.
- Oh, come on, Harriette.
Now, you know when I
was born Mama wept for joy.
When you were
born she just wept.
[LAUGHS]
Keep it up and I'll bury
your Barbie doll again.
Okay, okay, but what are we gonna
do about these feuding cousins?
Well, let's just let Judy and Richie
work it out for themselves, like we did.
Hi, gang.
Laura!
Bazooms!
[MOANS]
- Hey, Steve. What's up?
- My blood pressure.
A few minutes ago I
saw Laura and I fainted.
- Why?
- Why?
Well, good Lord, man. She's
an overnight success story.
Why, she is "Woman
Hear Me Roar!"
Hey, what's the haps, chaps?
Hey, Dad, what's all that?
The finest fishing equipment
you can buy for 70 percent off.
Remember when you wanted
to go fishing last summer?
Well, this Saturday
it's you and me, son.
- Uh, news flash, Dad. It's January.
- I know. I know.
- We're going ice fishing.
- Ooh, ice fishing.
The sport of kings.
Yeah, look at all this
great stuff I bought.
Rods, reels, hey, and even
these comfy little chairs.
Those fish are gonna be swimming
in tartar sauce before you know it.
Uh, heh, heh...
Dad, I really don't think that
I'm an ice-fishing kind of guy.
Oh, you will love it.
Jack Barnes down at the precinct
and his son Danny go all the time.
Danny wasn't into it at first
either, but now he's hooked.
Hooked? Fishing? Bodacious
pun, big guy. Ha-ha-ha.
Well, if we're gonna go ice fishing,
I have to stock up on some lip balm.
Steve. Steve, I want you
to listen to me very carefully.
This trip is just for
Edward and me. Alone.
By ourselves.
Alone.
Just the two of us.
Alone?
Are you trying to say
you don't want me to go?
[LAUGHING]
Boy, you really had
me going there, Carl.
You crazy kidder you. Ha-ha-ha.
Steve, I'm not joking.
[LAUGHING]
Your face! You look so serious.
You kill me.
[LAUGHS THEN SNORTS]
Anyway, Jack said the perfect
spot for fishing is Lake Wannamuck.
He said the rainbow
trout are really biting.
Uh, Dad, I think I'm gonna pass.
- I hope you understand.
- Oh, I do. I do, son, I do.
But, hey...
I spent 150
bucks for this stuff.
You're going.
Dad, we have been
walking for over half an hour.
When are we gonna stop?
I am looking for
the perfect spot...
and here it is.
Well, Eddie, there she is.
Lake Wannamuck in all her glory.
- Isn't she beautiful?
- She's frigid.
Listen, listen, Edward.
What do you hear?
- Nothing.
- Exactly.
No car horns. No factory
whistles. No sirens.
Out here we are totally isolated
from every loud, obnoxious sound.
STEVE: Hi, guys.
It's about time you
slowpokes showed up.
Here we are, the Three Amigos.
Carlos, Edwardos, and... Stevos.
I'm having a mucho
grande time, guys.
- [STAMMERS] I'm freezing.
- Not moi.
Why, I bought a pair
of electric long johns.
I'm toasty warm in these
UL approved babies.
If the temperature dips, I
just hit the old switcheroony...
and in no time flat I'm
a human bun warmer.
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
[GROANING]
Oh, boy! Oh boy!
Oh, boy! Whoa, mama!
[PANTING]
Steve, are you okay?
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
- What kind of bait you fellas using?
- Worms.
I'm using cheese.
- You fellas wanna try some?
- No thanks.
- You'll catch more fish.
- Steve...
you use the bait that you want,
and we'll use the bait that we want.
Yeah.
And we'll just see who
catches the first fish.
[BOTH LAUGH]
And then what?
Ladies and...
ladies...
presenting direct
from the Arctic...
the star of the winter pageant,
Richie "The Penguin" Crawford.
How's my waddle, Mom?
Oh, honey, it was wonderful.
You just need a
little more tail action.
Now watch mommy
and walk this way. Okay?
First you waddle.
Then you wiggle.
Waddle.
Wiggle.
Waddle.
BOTH: Wiggle.
- Isn't he cute?
- No.
Judy, do you have a
problem with Richie?
Yes. He was born.
Why, that little bum. Let's lock
him up and throw away the key.
Laura, everybody makes a big
fuss over Richie, and I get ignored.
And that's not fair.
You know what? I
remember that feeling.
You do?
Yeah, when you were born you
got all the attention I used to get.
I was willing to do anything
to you to get it back.
- So, what did you do?
- Oh, good. You don't remember.
Come on, tell me.
Well, I got all my toys and
I dumped them in your crib.
- So I'd have stuff to play with?
- No, I was trying to bury you.
Yeah, but then I realized that there are
some advantages to not being the baby.
You get to stay up later,
choose your own clothes...
- and you know what the best part is?
- What?
You have a little kid around
who really looks up to you.
Yeah. I never
thought about that.
- Now you go apologize to Richie.
- Okay.
[SINGING] Fishing
on Lake Wannamuck
Doo-dah, doo-dah
Seems I'm having all the
luck All the doo-dah day
CARL: Steve. Steve.
Having all the luck
Having all the luck
CARL: Steve!
Hmm?
You know, the only thing
worse than not catching any fish...
is hearing you sing about it.
[LAUGHS THEN SNORTS]
Dad, when are we leaving?
What are you talking about?
We're having big fun here.
Oh, really? Why wasn't I told?
Are you implying that you're
not having a good time?
Dad, I'm not implying,
I'm telling you straight out.
I hate this.
- Why?
- Well, for one thing I can't feel my toes.
Uh-oh. Mr. Frostbite.
Oh, when he shows
up, it's amputation time.
Oh, great. Now I'm
gonna lose my toes.
Well, the good news is my
dad will do the operation for you.
The bad news is he'll
charge you an arm and a leg.
[LAUGHS THEN SNORTS]
Edward, you are not
going to lose your toes.
Take some advice from
an old beat cop. Think warm.
No offense, Dad, but what
I'd really like is to go home.
Okay. This trip is over.
Eddo, I love you from
the bottom of my heart...
but you are one big wuss.
Okay, that's it...
Hey, hey, hey.
Cut it out, you two.
Cut it out.
[ICE CREAKING]
Don't move.
[ICE CREAKS]
Maybe we better move.
[ICE CREAKS]
Don't move.
- You move.
- Uh-uh!
Steve, the ice is weak here.
The lightest person should go first.
Once you're safe, then Eddie can go.
Well, okay.
Okay, all right,
Edward. You're next.
Okay, all right.
Easy, Carl. You're
doing great. Easy.
[ICE CRACKS]
[YELLING]
STEVE: Hang on, big guy.
We'll save you.
Hold on. Hold on.
Oh, I can't pull myself out!
Steve, quick. We have
to make a human chain.
- I'll go first.
- No, I'm the lightest. Let me.
Steve, hold onto the
rope and slide out to him.
Stand back, guys, stand back.
Hurry.
Faster, Steve. Hurry up.
I've got him. I've got him.
Pull, Eddie!
EDWARD: Are you okay?
[CARL PANTING]
- Does this help?
- A little.
I just can't seem to get warm.
How about this?
Open a window, it's hot in here.
Here you go, Dad.
Brought you some hot
cocoa, just the way you like it.
Nineteen marshmallows.
Thanks, son.
Uh, Mom, can I have a
minute alone with dad?
Sure.
In case you get another chill,
these lips won't be too far away.
So, what's on your mind, son?
Dad, I just don't get it.
Why did you drag me
out to that lake today?
I mean, what's with
the father-and-son kick?
Are you having a midlife crisis?
No.
I don't know. I guess I'm just
trying to make up for lost time.
What do you mean?
Well...
when you were little, you used to
always ask me to do things with you.
But a lot of the times, I was too
busy trying to scratch out a living.
Well, now you're
older. I have the time...
but now you're
the one who's busy.
Well, from now on, Dad...
anytime you want to spend
time together, just say the word.
Really?
Wow, that would be great, son.
Why the sudden change of heart?
Well, Dad...
I almost lost you today.
It really scared me.
Well, you know,
it scared me too.
Look, Dad, I want us to
do lots of things together...
but let's never go
ice fishing again.
Deal?
- Deal.
- Ha-ha-ha.
- I love you, Dad.
- I love you, too, son.
[English - US -SDH]
be the hit of the winter pageant.
You know, you gotta be the
cutest thing in webbed feet.
They made me the penguin
because I had the best waddle.
Extra, extra. Read all about it.
Judy Winslow gets an A in spelling.
Way to go, Judy. That's
what happens when you study.
And get grounded.
- Mom, look at my test.
- Uh, just a second, honey.
- What do you think?
- Get a plastic surgeon.
We need an emergency
beak job. Ha, ha.
I got extra credit for
spelling platypus right.
Now hold on a second.
RACHEL: Let's see
here. HARRIETTE: Okay.
RACHEL: Oh, yeah.
HARRIETTE: Cute.
Oh, you're so cute.
Now, what were you saying, Judy?
[WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY]
Oh, Richie, I told you to go
before you put the costume on.
Come on.
[GRUNTING]
I knew I should have
built a zipper in that thing.
There they are,
the Snow Busters.
Hey, it's a snap when you got
the team of Winslow and Winslow.
[CHUCKLES]
Dad, why don't we just jump into the
20th century and buy a snow blower?
Now, why do I need a
snow blower when I got you?
Nice try, Eddie.
- Well, I'm out of here.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, not so fast.
How about me and you
hitting the old bowling alley?
- It's Burrito Night.
- No can do, Dad.
I'm hanging out
with the guys tonight.
Oh, sounds good. Count me in.
What's the skinny, Minny?
No, Dad. See, you can't go.
My friends will make fun of
me. They'll call me a dweeb.
No, they won't. I'm
a cop. I carry a gun.
Dad.
- All right, go ahead. Have a good time.
- Thanks.
See you later.
Phew! That was a close one.
See you, Dad.
You know, Harriette...
every time I want to do something
with Eddie, he says he's too busy.
- Oh. There's a reason for that.
- Oh? What is it?
You're old.
You didn't say I
was old last night.
No...
you went to sleep before
I could say anything.
Carl, if you want to spend more
time with Eddie, then plan ahead.
Schedule a
father-and-son outing.
I know what I should do.
If I wanna spend more time
with Eddie, I should plan ahead.
I'll schedule a
father-and-son outing.
Isn't that a great idea?
- Oh, Laura?
- Yeah, Mom?
I'm missing four
pairs of Eddie's socks.
Do you happen to have
any idea where they are?
Search me.
No need.
- What are you up to?
- Hopefully about a 38D.
Honey, just let
nature take its course.
You will blossom any day now.
Ahh. Yeah, well, in the meantime
I'll just work on my balance.
Harriette, we've got to talk.
- Kleenex?
- Socks.
Your mother once
tried bean bags.
Harriette, I just caught Judy ripping
the beak off Richie's penguin costume.
I just don't know what's
gotten into that child.
Has her head been
spinning around?
- Judy's probably jealous.
- Of what?
Well, she's not the baby
of the house anymore.
But I wouldn't worry too much.
Same thing happened to me,
and look how great I turned out.
You were actually
jealous of Aunt Rachel?
[SCOFFS THEN LAUGHS]
I'll have you know I
was a stunning baby.
People came for miles
around just to kootchy koo me.
They still do.
- Aw, give it a rest.
- Oh, come on, Harriette.
Now, you know when I
was born Mama wept for joy.
When you were
born she just wept.
[LAUGHS]
Keep it up and I'll bury
your Barbie doll again.
Okay, okay, but what are we gonna
do about these feuding cousins?
Well, let's just let Judy and Richie
work it out for themselves, like we did.
Hi, gang.
Laura!
Bazooms!
[MOANS]
- Hey, Steve. What's up?
- My blood pressure.
A few minutes ago I
saw Laura and I fainted.
- Why?
- Why?
Well, good Lord, man. She's
an overnight success story.
Why, she is "Woman
Hear Me Roar!"
Hey, what's the haps, chaps?
Hey, Dad, what's all that?
The finest fishing equipment
you can buy for 70 percent off.
Remember when you wanted
to go fishing last summer?
Well, this Saturday
it's you and me, son.
- Uh, news flash, Dad. It's January.
- I know. I know.
- We're going ice fishing.
- Ooh, ice fishing.
The sport of kings.
Yeah, look at all this
great stuff I bought.
Rods, reels, hey, and even
these comfy little chairs.
Those fish are gonna be swimming
in tartar sauce before you know it.
Uh, heh, heh...
Dad, I really don't think that
I'm an ice-fishing kind of guy.
Oh, you will love it.
Jack Barnes down at the precinct
and his son Danny go all the time.
Danny wasn't into it at first
either, but now he's hooked.
Hooked? Fishing? Bodacious
pun, big guy. Ha-ha-ha.
Well, if we're gonna go ice fishing,
I have to stock up on some lip balm.
Steve. Steve, I want you
to listen to me very carefully.
This trip is just for
Edward and me. Alone.
By ourselves.
Alone.
Just the two of us.
Alone?
Are you trying to say
you don't want me to go?
[LAUGHING]
Boy, you really had
me going there, Carl.
You crazy kidder you. Ha-ha-ha.
Steve, I'm not joking.
[LAUGHING]
Your face! You look so serious.
You kill me.
[LAUGHS THEN SNORTS]
Anyway, Jack said the perfect
spot for fishing is Lake Wannamuck.
He said the rainbow
trout are really biting.
Uh, Dad, I think I'm gonna pass.
- I hope you understand.
- Oh, I do. I do, son, I do.
But, hey...
I spent 150
bucks for this stuff.
You're going.
Dad, we have been
walking for over half an hour.
When are we gonna stop?
I am looking for
the perfect spot...
and here it is.
Well, Eddie, there she is.
Lake Wannamuck in all her glory.
- Isn't she beautiful?
- She's frigid.
Listen, listen, Edward.
What do you hear?
- Nothing.
- Exactly.
No car horns. No factory
whistles. No sirens.
Out here we are totally isolated
from every loud, obnoxious sound.
STEVE: Hi, guys.
It's about time you
slowpokes showed up.
Here we are, the Three Amigos.
Carlos, Edwardos, and... Stevos.
I'm having a mucho
grande time, guys.
- [STAMMERS] I'm freezing.
- Not moi.
Why, I bought a pair
of electric long johns.
I'm toasty warm in these
UL approved babies.
If the temperature dips, I
just hit the old switcheroony...
and in no time flat I'm
a human bun warmer.
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
[GROANING]
Oh, boy! Oh boy!
Oh, boy! Whoa, mama!
[PANTING]
Steve, are you okay?
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
- What kind of bait you fellas using?
- Worms.
I'm using cheese.
- You fellas wanna try some?
- No thanks.
- You'll catch more fish.
- Steve...
you use the bait that you want,
and we'll use the bait that we want.
Yeah.
And we'll just see who
catches the first fish.
[BOTH LAUGH]
And then what?
Ladies and...
ladies...
presenting direct
from the Arctic...
the star of the winter pageant,
Richie "The Penguin" Crawford.
How's my waddle, Mom?
Oh, honey, it was wonderful.
You just need a
little more tail action.
Now watch mommy
and walk this way. Okay?
First you waddle.
Then you wiggle.
Waddle.
Wiggle.
Waddle.
BOTH: Wiggle.
- Isn't he cute?
- No.
Judy, do you have a
problem with Richie?
Yes. He was born.
Why, that little bum. Let's lock
him up and throw away the key.
Laura, everybody makes a big
fuss over Richie, and I get ignored.
And that's not fair.
You know what? I
remember that feeling.
You do?
Yeah, when you were born you
got all the attention I used to get.
I was willing to do anything
to you to get it back.
- So, what did you do?
- Oh, good. You don't remember.
Come on, tell me.
Well, I got all my toys and
I dumped them in your crib.
- So I'd have stuff to play with?
- No, I was trying to bury you.
Yeah, but then I realized that there are
some advantages to not being the baby.
You get to stay up later,
choose your own clothes...
- and you know what the best part is?
- What?
You have a little kid around
who really looks up to you.
Yeah. I never
thought about that.
- Now you go apologize to Richie.
- Okay.
[SINGING] Fishing
on Lake Wannamuck
Doo-dah, doo-dah
Seems I'm having all the
luck All the doo-dah day
CARL: Steve. Steve.
Having all the luck
Having all the luck
CARL: Steve!
Hmm?
You know, the only thing
worse than not catching any fish...
is hearing you sing about it.
[LAUGHS THEN SNORTS]
Dad, when are we leaving?
What are you talking about?
We're having big fun here.
Oh, really? Why wasn't I told?
Are you implying that you're
not having a good time?
Dad, I'm not implying,
I'm telling you straight out.
I hate this.
- Why?
- Well, for one thing I can't feel my toes.
Uh-oh. Mr. Frostbite.
Oh, when he shows
up, it's amputation time.
Oh, great. Now I'm
gonna lose my toes.
Well, the good news is my
dad will do the operation for you.
The bad news is he'll
charge you an arm and a leg.
[LAUGHS THEN SNORTS]
Edward, you are not
going to lose your toes.
Take some advice from
an old beat cop. Think warm.
No offense, Dad, but what
I'd really like is to go home.
Okay. This trip is over.
Eddo, I love you from
the bottom of my heart...
but you are one big wuss.
Okay, that's it...
Hey, hey, hey.
Cut it out, you two.
Cut it out.
[ICE CREAKING]
Don't move.
[ICE CREAKS]
Maybe we better move.
[ICE CREAKS]
Don't move.
- You move.
- Uh-uh!
Steve, the ice is weak here.
The lightest person should go first.
Once you're safe, then Eddie can go.
Well, okay.
Okay, all right,
Edward. You're next.
Okay, all right.
Easy, Carl. You're
doing great. Easy.
[ICE CRACKS]
[YELLING]
STEVE: Hang on, big guy.
We'll save you.
Hold on. Hold on.
Oh, I can't pull myself out!
Steve, quick. We have
to make a human chain.
- I'll go first.
- No, I'm the lightest. Let me.
Steve, hold onto the
rope and slide out to him.
Stand back, guys, stand back.
Hurry.
Faster, Steve. Hurry up.
I've got him. I've got him.
Pull, Eddie!
EDWARD: Are you okay?
[CARL PANTING]
- Does this help?
- A little.
I just can't seem to get warm.
How about this?
Open a window, it's hot in here.
Here you go, Dad.
Brought you some hot
cocoa, just the way you like it.
Nineteen marshmallows.
Thanks, son.
Uh, Mom, can I have a
minute alone with dad?
Sure.
In case you get another chill,
these lips won't be too far away.
So, what's on your mind, son?
Dad, I just don't get it.
Why did you drag me
out to that lake today?
I mean, what's with
the father-and-son kick?
Are you having a midlife crisis?
No.
I don't know. I guess I'm just
trying to make up for lost time.
What do you mean?
Well...
when you were little, you used to
always ask me to do things with you.
But a lot of the times, I was too
busy trying to scratch out a living.
Well, now you're
older. I have the time...
but now you're
the one who's busy.
Well, from now on, Dad...
anytime you want to spend
time together, just say the word.
Really?
Wow, that would be great, son.
Why the sudden change of heart?
Well, Dad...
I almost lost you today.
It really scared me.
Well, you know,
it scared me too.
Look, Dad, I want us to
do lots of things together...
but let's never go
ice fishing again.
Deal?
- Deal.
- Ha-ha-ha.
- I love you, Dad.
- I love you, too, son.
[English - US -SDH]