Family Matters (1989–1998): Season 1, Episode 9 - Stake-Out - full transcript
Carl and his attractive new partner, Vanessa, are involved in a stake-out in a hotel room. Harriette worries (over nothing, as it turns out) that Carl will put aside his professionalism and try to woo Vanessa.
['60s MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS]
What's all the noise?
[MUSIC STOPS]
Noise?
This happens to be '60s music...
the greatest dance
music of all time.
We had the pony:
We had the mashed potatoes:
And the granddaddy
of them all, the twist:
Oh, yeah, that was invented
by that guy, Chubby Domino.
Chubby Checker.
Watch, I'll show
you. It's all in the hips.
[MUSIC RESUMES]
See, it's like drying
yourself with a towel.
Come on, come on, just
do everything that I do.
This is fun.
Now watch this tricky move.
Uhn. Ow!
ALL: Ow! Ow! Ow!
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
- No.
- No.
Harriette!
- Harriette!
- Oh!
You are not gonna believe
what happened today.
I still don't believe it.
It is just unbelievable.
Well, tell us and we
won't believe it, either.
Burt is gone.
The best partner I ever
had just up and quit the force.
Why?
He wanted to pursue his dream.
He's opening up a doughnut shop?
No. He moved to Hollywood...
to write that screenplay
he always talked about.
Sounds like Burt.
Hey, I'm happy for him.
But while he's out in sunny California
breaking into show business...
I'm stuck here, breaking
in a new partner.
I'm sure you'll like your new
partner once you get to know him.
Well, that's the problem.
It's not a him, it's a her.
Carl, that's terrific.
A policewoman?
Just like Mom was.
That's cool, Dad.
Well, it sounds
great in theory...
but when I'm out there
with my life on the line...
I want a man to back me up, not
some woman I'd have to protect.
Yeah. Next thing you know,
they'll wanna play football.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
What makes you think a woman
cop can't protect herself? Or you?
[SCOFFS]
They're a lot
smaller, for one thing.
And they can't run as fast and
they lack upper-body strength.
Well, I loosened it for you.
I don't believe it.
My own father is a chauvinist.
Chauvinist?
I thought we were Baptists.
Rachel, can you get me
the furniture polish, please?
Sure, just as soon
as I finish this chapter.
"Love's Burning Fury."
Rachel, not another
trashy romance novel.
Honey, when you ain't
got it, you read about it.
Can I borrow it
when you're through?
Good evening, ladies.
RACHEL: How you doing?
HARRIETTE: Hi, baby.
How's your new partner?
Not bad, not bad at all.
Our first call was on
a liquor-store holdup.
Vanessa tackles the guy
and holds him while I cuff him.
So women cops are okay, huh?
Well, I have to admit, I think
she's gonna work out just fine.
- Honey, where's my bowling shirt?
- Hanging in the laundry room.
Not only is Vanessa a good cop,
but she's a weightlifter and she bowls.
- Just like one of the
guys. CARL: Yeah.
She's taking Burt's
place on the bowling team.
She'll be here to pick
me up in a few minutes.
Boy, Carl sure has changed
his mind about Vanessa.
Yeah, she sounds like RoboCop.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Hi. I'm Vanessa Greer,
Carl's new partner?
This is the Winslow
house, isn't it?
Yes, yes. Come
on in. I'm Harriette.
Of course, happy to meet you.
Yeah, Carl talked about you all day.
Oh. This is my sister,
Rachel, and Carl's mother.
Wow.
Vanessa, right on time.
I love a prompt partner.
- Meet everybody?
- Yeah.
Oh, yeah, we met.
- Well, let's go.
- Yep, because I'm feeling hot tonight.
- Yeah, me too. Ha.
BOTH: Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Strike force.
Well, I hope to
see y'all again soon.
[HARRIETTE MUMBLES]
Well, she seems very nice.
Uh-huh.
I mean, it's good to see Carl
and she getting along so well.
Uh-huh.
That woman is gorgeous.
Plenty of upper-body strength.
Really?
I didn't notice.
Uh-huh.
Great breakfast, Mom.
Thanks, sweetie.
See you after my piano lesson.
Hey, it's your turn to clean up.
I cleaned up last time.
No, you didn't.
Okay, I'll flip you for it.
Heads, you clean
up, tails, I don't.
Wait a minute.
Okay.
Heads. You clean up. See you.
Man, I always
lose the coin toss.
What a beautiful day.
Morning, baby. I fixed your
favorite: blueberry pancakes.
Oh, thank you, honey,
but I'm trying to cut down.
I'll just have a little
coffee. No cream, no sugar.
What are you all spiffed up for?
Heh. Nothing, Mama.
Just a routine stakeout.
Sitting in the car for 12
hours, drinking cold coffee.
When you used to go
on stakeouts with Burt...
you always wore your Gumby
T-shirt and old blue jeans.
Well, Vanessa has
made me realize...
that a police officer should
always look his or her best.
Oh, I'm sure Vanessa
always looks her or his best.
Yeah, and she's such
good company too.
We have so much in common.
Like what?
Well, we're both
into physical fitness.
Do the other cops like her?
They love her. She's a
great asset to the force.
Oh, we noticed her assets
the minute she walked in.
Now, Rachel, that
was a sexist remark.
Now, just because a woman
happens to be good-looking...
does not mean that she
can't be an outstanding officer.
So you noticed
she's good-looking?
[SCOFFS]
But, Mama, I'm a police officer.
We are trained to
notice everything.
Quit it, you two.
I'm happy that Carl has a good
working relationship with his partner.
Oh, thank you, honey. Mm-mwah.
Vanessa and I are just
two cops doing our job.
When I look at her,
all I see is a uniform.
The way I feel about
Vanessa is strictly professional.
Do these pinstripes
make me look thinner?
Yeah. I can hardly see you.
Thanks. Bye.
[DOOR CLOSES]
- What?
- Nothing, nothing.
Just because Carl is gonna
be spending all that time...
in a parked car with a
gorgeous younger woman...
no reason for you to worry.
- I'm not worried.
- Of course not. Why should you be?
I mean, for any normal man, this
would be an incredible temptation.
Fortunately, we're
talking about Carl.
Thank goodness there
were no cops like Vanessa...
when my Sam was on the force.
- Mother Winslow, I
trust Carl. ESTELLE: Mm?
Sure you do, sugar.
I trusted my Sam.
He was a good man.
Carl's a good man.
But we don't know
anything about Vanessa.
She may be a sex-crazed vixen.
[PAULA ABDUL'S "STRAIGHT
UP" PLAYS OVER TV]
PAULA ABDUL [SINGING]:
Straight up now tell me
Do you really want
to love me forever
CHORUS: Oh, oh, oh
PAULA ABDUL: Or am I caught...
[TURNS TV OFF]
Why is Eddie staring
at the TV? It's off.
I turned it off
for his own good.
He was watching
another Paula Abdul video.
Yeah, that girl can really move.
I remember when I
could move like her.
Now I just read.
Eddie?
I'll give him one more minute,
then I'm hosing him down.
Ooh.
I didn't know Rachel
had such exotic taste.
She doesn't. That's mine.
So Carl not home yet?
He's still on that stakeout.
Out all night, five
nights in a row.
Four nights, and he's working.
Well, of course he is.
Don't worry about a thing.
I'm not worried. Carl doesn't
need to go out looking for love.
He gets plenty at home.
Harriette, we all know
how much Carl loves you.
But putting any man next to Vanessa
is like putting a kid in a candy shop.
And we know how
much Carl loves candy.
Okay, that's it.
Enough is enough.
I trust Carl. He's
out working...
not out with some
bimbo in a sleazy motel.
[METALLIC CLINKING]
Looks like a key.
Looks like a motel key.
"Room 3. Louie's Love Grotto."
Uh-huh.
Louie's Love Grotto?
There's got to be some
explanation for Carl having this key.
Sure there is. Maybe
they're not his pants.
There's a Twinkie in the pocket.
So much for that theory.
Maybe it has to do
with the stakeout.
Oh, Harriette, they're supposed to
be staked out in a car, not a motel.
A car, a motel.
What's the difference?
A vibrating bed.
Look, Carl is a good husband.
He's never given me
any reason to doubt him.
And even if he is at Louie's
Love Grotto with Vanessa...
I'm sure there's
nothing going on.
"Ask about our hourly rates."
And I'm going down
there to prove it.
[CHUCKLES]
Gin.
What? Not again? Tsk. Oh.
Well, maybe gin isn't your
game. How about a little go fish?
Great.
Carl, I want you
to know something.
I wasn't thrilled with the idea
of having a male partner...
because I'm always
getting hassled or hit on.
But with you I feel comfortable.
[PHONE RINGS]
[CLEARS THROAT]
Mm.
Yo?
Oh, hi, Phil. Heh.
No. No sign of them yet. Huh?
Oh, okay.
Phil says your microphone
keeps cutting in and out.
Phil, can you hear me?
Phil, are you in there?
- Must have come loose.
- Oh.
Here, better take a look.
Yeah, right, hold on. Ahem.
Okay. All right. Now,
let's go over the plan.
We get the diamonds, I check
them out, and then I give the signal:
"They look real to me."
[CHUCKLES]
Okay, Phil.
Make sure when you hear the
signal, you come in here fast.
Okay, Phil says we're
coming in loud and clear.
Okay, see you.
Do me a favor.
Loop this through
so it'll stay put.
Oh, sure, okay.
[DOOR UNLOCKING]
- They're here.
- Wait.
My Twist-O-Flex is caught
in your Cross Your Heart.
- Carl.
- Harriette.
Wow!
What are you doing here?
What are we doing here?
What are you doing here?
- Well, we're working.
- That's a new name for it.
Would you stay out of this?
Carl, how could you?
For 20 years, I've given
you all my love and trust...
and this is how you repay me...
by sneaking off to Louie's
Love Grotto with this...?
Cheap floozy?
Cheap floozy.
Who are you calling cheap?
Wait a minute. Harriette, we
are on stakeout just like I told you.
I guess you just forgot
to mention the motel part.
Well, we were on
stakeout. This is phase two.
What's phase three?
I think that's the
part we came in on.
Look, my hand just got stuck
fixing Vanessa's microphone.
She is wired to tape the buy.
Look, here's the money we're
gonna use to buy the stolen jewelry.
Some very bad guys are
gonna be here in any minute.
Oops.
Boy, Harriette, when you are
wrong, you are really wrong.
- Seems to me I had a little help.
- Look, I don't care whose fault it is.
You two are in danger and
I want you out of here now.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
They're here. Get in the
bathroom and don't make a sound.
[MUTTERING]
All right. Okay.
- Mama.
- Carl Otis Winslow.
- Carl, what's your mother doing here?
- Hush, hussy.
Carl, have you lost your mind?
Harriette's on her
way down here now.
When I think of that poor trusting
woman and your three innocent children...
Oh, are your kids coming too?
Home-wrecker.
- Mother Winslow.
- Harriette. Rachel.
You should see the
size of that hot tub.
You could fit a whole
football team in there.
Ooh.
Carl Winslow, you
go straight home.
You are grounded
for the rest of your life.
Mama, Vanessa and I
are in the middle of a sting.
Now, would you all
please just leave right now?
I want you out of here
right... And... And...
Don't come back until you bring
me all the money you owe me.
- I don't care how you get it.
- Nobody's going anywhere.
Oh, hey, baby. It's Jake
and High Top. Right on time.
Hey, big man, nice suit.
Pinstripes make
you look thinner.
[CHUCKLES]
- Hey, Mama, what's happening?
- I am not your mama, sonny.
I'm his mama.
That's cool, baby.
Who is this?
You one fine-looking lady.
I work out.
Me too.
Well, my girls
were just leaving.
It's been nice, though. Bye.
Nobody's leaving.
Or we could just hang around.
Hey, hey, look. They cool,
okay? Let's just make the trade.
You got the cash,
we got the stash.
Wow, what did you guys
do, rob a jewelry store?
Rachel, get over here.
Ooh. This is fresh.
- This some beautiful merchandise.
- Yeah, where did you get them?
Lake Shore Drive, baby.
Nothing but the best.
- So we got a deal?
- Oh, yeah.
Because they look real to me.
Trust me, they're real.
They look real to me too.
What's going on here?
Oh, no, no, no. I
mean, you know...
Because they really
look real to me. Really.
Something's wrong.
Let's get out of here.
- You're under arrest.
- It's a bust.
[GRUNTING]
Get off.
Get off. I'm out of here.
Nice move, Mama.
You should have known
me when I had two good hips.
You two should have
seen your grandmother.
- She was great.
- Wow.
Well, I guess Dad and Vanessa
were lucky you came along, Grandma.
Your Grandpa Sam
taught me that jujitsu move.
It works every time.
Show us how you did it, Grandma.
You can demonstrate on Eddie.
No way.
Kids, go to bed.
I want to wait up
until Dad came home.
If I have to tell you one more time,
I'm gonna sic your Grandma on you.
I'm out of here.
What happened tonight
would make a great novel.
You could call it Kung Fu Mama.
[LAUGHING]
Will you two stop
it? This is serious.
We made total
fools of ourselves.
Speak for yourself. I'm
up for a commendation.
We almost blew
the whole operation.
Somebody could have gotten hurt.
Plus we really embarrassed Carl.
Oh, Harriette, don't
be so hard on yourself.
So your insane jealousy
clouded your good judgment...
and drove you to
an act of desperation.
I'm sure Carl
will forgive you...
eventually.
Oh, sure he will.
In the future, Harriette, try to
have a little more faith in my Carl.
And don't be so quick
to jump to conclusions.
I didn't jump, I was pushed.
Maybe I did fan
the flames a little.
Guess I've been reading too many
of those trashy romance novels.
Why don't you two go to bed?
I'm too wired to sleep.
Me too.
Let's ring some
doorbells and run.
[LAUGHS]
Well, we finally
got them booked.
And get this...
the one that Mama flipped
is claiming police brutality.
Carl, listen. I can't
tell you how sorry I am.
I mean, I feel terrible
that I doubted you.
Well, to tell you the truth...
I'm kind of flattered.
I mean, for you to be
jealous after all these years...
kind of does something
good to the old ego.
Well, I really am sorry.
I mean, I was fine
until I saw that key.
And then I lost it.
[CHUCKLES]
Harriette, don't you know...
that you are the only
woman in the world for me?
- I love you.
- I love you too.
I just wish there was something
I could do to make it up to you.
Well, there's always
Louie's Love Grotto.
We have the room
until tomorrow noon.
[BOTH LAUGH]
I'll race you to the hot tub.
[ENGLISH SDH]
OVER SPEAKERS]
What's all the noise?
[MUSIC STOPS]
Noise?
This happens to be '60s music...
the greatest dance
music of all time.
We had the pony:
We had the mashed potatoes:
And the granddaddy
of them all, the twist:
Oh, yeah, that was invented
by that guy, Chubby Domino.
Chubby Checker.
Watch, I'll show
you. It's all in the hips.
[MUSIC RESUMES]
See, it's like drying
yourself with a towel.
Come on, come on, just
do everything that I do.
This is fun.
Now watch this tricky move.
Uhn. Ow!
ALL: Ow! Ow! Ow!
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
- No.
- No.
Harriette!
- Harriette!
- Oh!
You are not gonna believe
what happened today.
I still don't believe it.
It is just unbelievable.
Well, tell us and we
won't believe it, either.
Burt is gone.
The best partner I ever
had just up and quit the force.
Why?
He wanted to pursue his dream.
He's opening up a doughnut shop?
No. He moved to Hollywood...
to write that screenplay
he always talked about.
Sounds like Burt.
Hey, I'm happy for him.
But while he's out in sunny California
breaking into show business...
I'm stuck here, breaking
in a new partner.
I'm sure you'll like your new
partner once you get to know him.
Well, that's the problem.
It's not a him, it's a her.
Carl, that's terrific.
A policewoman?
Just like Mom was.
That's cool, Dad.
Well, it sounds
great in theory...
but when I'm out there
with my life on the line...
I want a man to back me up, not
some woman I'd have to protect.
Yeah. Next thing you know,
they'll wanna play football.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
What makes you think a woman
cop can't protect herself? Or you?
[SCOFFS]
They're a lot
smaller, for one thing.
And they can't run as fast and
they lack upper-body strength.
Well, I loosened it for you.
I don't believe it.
My own father is a chauvinist.
Chauvinist?
I thought we were Baptists.
Rachel, can you get me
the furniture polish, please?
Sure, just as soon
as I finish this chapter.
"Love's Burning Fury."
Rachel, not another
trashy romance novel.
Honey, when you ain't
got it, you read about it.
Can I borrow it
when you're through?
Good evening, ladies.
RACHEL: How you doing?
HARRIETTE: Hi, baby.
How's your new partner?
Not bad, not bad at all.
Our first call was on
a liquor-store holdup.
Vanessa tackles the guy
and holds him while I cuff him.
So women cops are okay, huh?
Well, I have to admit, I think
she's gonna work out just fine.
- Honey, where's my bowling shirt?
- Hanging in the laundry room.
Not only is Vanessa a good cop,
but she's a weightlifter and she bowls.
- Just like one of the
guys. CARL: Yeah.
She's taking Burt's
place on the bowling team.
She'll be here to pick
me up in a few minutes.
Boy, Carl sure has changed
his mind about Vanessa.
Yeah, she sounds like RoboCop.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Hi. I'm Vanessa Greer,
Carl's new partner?
This is the Winslow
house, isn't it?
Yes, yes. Come
on in. I'm Harriette.
Of course, happy to meet you.
Yeah, Carl talked about you all day.
Oh. This is my sister,
Rachel, and Carl's mother.
Wow.
Vanessa, right on time.
I love a prompt partner.
- Meet everybody?
- Yeah.
Oh, yeah, we met.
- Well, let's go.
- Yep, because I'm feeling hot tonight.
- Yeah, me too. Ha.
BOTH: Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Strike force.
Well, I hope to
see y'all again soon.
[HARRIETTE MUMBLES]
Well, she seems very nice.
Uh-huh.
I mean, it's good to see Carl
and she getting along so well.
Uh-huh.
That woman is gorgeous.
Plenty of upper-body strength.
Really?
I didn't notice.
Uh-huh.
Great breakfast, Mom.
Thanks, sweetie.
See you after my piano lesson.
Hey, it's your turn to clean up.
I cleaned up last time.
No, you didn't.
Okay, I'll flip you for it.
Heads, you clean
up, tails, I don't.
Wait a minute.
Okay.
Heads. You clean up. See you.
Man, I always
lose the coin toss.
What a beautiful day.
Morning, baby. I fixed your
favorite: blueberry pancakes.
Oh, thank you, honey,
but I'm trying to cut down.
I'll just have a little
coffee. No cream, no sugar.
What are you all spiffed up for?
Heh. Nothing, Mama.
Just a routine stakeout.
Sitting in the car for 12
hours, drinking cold coffee.
When you used to go
on stakeouts with Burt...
you always wore your Gumby
T-shirt and old blue jeans.
Well, Vanessa has
made me realize...
that a police officer should
always look his or her best.
Oh, I'm sure Vanessa
always looks her or his best.
Yeah, and she's such
good company too.
We have so much in common.
Like what?
Well, we're both
into physical fitness.
Do the other cops like her?
They love her. She's a
great asset to the force.
Oh, we noticed her assets
the minute she walked in.
Now, Rachel, that
was a sexist remark.
Now, just because a woman
happens to be good-looking...
does not mean that she
can't be an outstanding officer.
So you noticed
she's good-looking?
[SCOFFS]
But, Mama, I'm a police officer.
We are trained to
notice everything.
Quit it, you two.
I'm happy that Carl has a good
working relationship with his partner.
Oh, thank you, honey. Mm-mwah.
Vanessa and I are just
two cops doing our job.
When I look at her,
all I see is a uniform.
The way I feel about
Vanessa is strictly professional.
Do these pinstripes
make me look thinner?
Yeah. I can hardly see you.
Thanks. Bye.
[DOOR CLOSES]
- What?
- Nothing, nothing.
Just because Carl is gonna
be spending all that time...
in a parked car with a
gorgeous younger woman...
no reason for you to worry.
- I'm not worried.
- Of course not. Why should you be?
I mean, for any normal man, this
would be an incredible temptation.
Fortunately, we're
talking about Carl.
Thank goodness there
were no cops like Vanessa...
when my Sam was on the force.
- Mother Winslow, I
trust Carl. ESTELLE: Mm?
Sure you do, sugar.
I trusted my Sam.
He was a good man.
Carl's a good man.
But we don't know
anything about Vanessa.
She may be a sex-crazed vixen.
[PAULA ABDUL'S "STRAIGHT
UP" PLAYS OVER TV]
PAULA ABDUL [SINGING]:
Straight up now tell me
Do you really want
to love me forever
CHORUS: Oh, oh, oh
PAULA ABDUL: Or am I caught...
[TURNS TV OFF]
Why is Eddie staring
at the TV? It's off.
I turned it off
for his own good.
He was watching
another Paula Abdul video.
Yeah, that girl can really move.
I remember when I
could move like her.
Now I just read.
Eddie?
I'll give him one more minute,
then I'm hosing him down.
Ooh.
I didn't know Rachel
had such exotic taste.
She doesn't. That's mine.
So Carl not home yet?
He's still on that stakeout.
Out all night, five
nights in a row.
Four nights, and he's working.
Well, of course he is.
Don't worry about a thing.
I'm not worried. Carl doesn't
need to go out looking for love.
He gets plenty at home.
Harriette, we all know
how much Carl loves you.
But putting any man next to Vanessa
is like putting a kid in a candy shop.
And we know how
much Carl loves candy.
Okay, that's it.
Enough is enough.
I trust Carl. He's
out working...
not out with some
bimbo in a sleazy motel.
[METALLIC CLINKING]
Looks like a key.
Looks like a motel key.
"Room 3. Louie's Love Grotto."
Uh-huh.
Louie's Love Grotto?
There's got to be some
explanation for Carl having this key.
Sure there is. Maybe
they're not his pants.
There's a Twinkie in the pocket.
So much for that theory.
Maybe it has to do
with the stakeout.
Oh, Harriette, they're supposed to
be staked out in a car, not a motel.
A car, a motel.
What's the difference?
A vibrating bed.
Look, Carl is a good husband.
He's never given me
any reason to doubt him.
And even if he is at Louie's
Love Grotto with Vanessa...
I'm sure there's
nothing going on.
"Ask about our hourly rates."
And I'm going down
there to prove it.
[CHUCKLES]
Gin.
What? Not again? Tsk. Oh.
Well, maybe gin isn't your
game. How about a little go fish?
Great.
Carl, I want you
to know something.
I wasn't thrilled with the idea
of having a male partner...
because I'm always
getting hassled or hit on.
But with you I feel comfortable.
[PHONE RINGS]
[CLEARS THROAT]
Mm.
Yo?
Oh, hi, Phil. Heh.
No. No sign of them yet. Huh?
Oh, okay.
Phil says your microphone
keeps cutting in and out.
Phil, can you hear me?
Phil, are you in there?
- Must have come loose.
- Oh.
Here, better take a look.
Yeah, right, hold on. Ahem.
Okay. All right. Now,
let's go over the plan.
We get the diamonds, I check
them out, and then I give the signal:
"They look real to me."
[CHUCKLES]
Okay, Phil.
Make sure when you hear the
signal, you come in here fast.
Okay, Phil says we're
coming in loud and clear.
Okay, see you.
Do me a favor.
Loop this through
so it'll stay put.
Oh, sure, okay.
[DOOR UNLOCKING]
- They're here.
- Wait.
My Twist-O-Flex is caught
in your Cross Your Heart.
- Carl.
- Harriette.
Wow!
What are you doing here?
What are we doing here?
What are you doing here?
- Well, we're working.
- That's a new name for it.
Would you stay out of this?
Carl, how could you?
For 20 years, I've given
you all my love and trust...
and this is how you repay me...
by sneaking off to Louie's
Love Grotto with this...?
Cheap floozy?
Cheap floozy.
Who are you calling cheap?
Wait a minute. Harriette, we
are on stakeout just like I told you.
I guess you just forgot
to mention the motel part.
Well, we were on
stakeout. This is phase two.
What's phase three?
I think that's the
part we came in on.
Look, my hand just got stuck
fixing Vanessa's microphone.
She is wired to tape the buy.
Look, here's the money we're
gonna use to buy the stolen jewelry.
Some very bad guys are
gonna be here in any minute.
Oops.
Boy, Harriette, when you are
wrong, you are really wrong.
- Seems to me I had a little help.
- Look, I don't care whose fault it is.
You two are in danger and
I want you out of here now.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
They're here. Get in the
bathroom and don't make a sound.
[MUTTERING]
All right. Okay.
- Mama.
- Carl Otis Winslow.
- Carl, what's your mother doing here?
- Hush, hussy.
Carl, have you lost your mind?
Harriette's on her
way down here now.
When I think of that poor trusting
woman and your three innocent children...
Oh, are your kids coming too?
Home-wrecker.
- Mother Winslow.
- Harriette. Rachel.
You should see the
size of that hot tub.
You could fit a whole
football team in there.
Ooh.
Carl Winslow, you
go straight home.
You are grounded
for the rest of your life.
Mama, Vanessa and I
are in the middle of a sting.
Now, would you all
please just leave right now?
I want you out of here
right... And... And...
Don't come back until you bring
me all the money you owe me.
- I don't care how you get it.
- Nobody's going anywhere.
Oh, hey, baby. It's Jake
and High Top. Right on time.
Hey, big man, nice suit.
Pinstripes make
you look thinner.
[CHUCKLES]
- Hey, Mama, what's happening?
- I am not your mama, sonny.
I'm his mama.
That's cool, baby.
Who is this?
You one fine-looking lady.
I work out.
Me too.
Well, my girls
were just leaving.
It's been nice, though. Bye.
Nobody's leaving.
Or we could just hang around.
Hey, hey, look. They cool,
okay? Let's just make the trade.
You got the cash,
we got the stash.
Wow, what did you guys
do, rob a jewelry store?
Rachel, get over here.
Ooh. This is fresh.
- This some beautiful merchandise.
- Yeah, where did you get them?
Lake Shore Drive, baby.
Nothing but the best.
- So we got a deal?
- Oh, yeah.
Because they look real to me.
Trust me, they're real.
They look real to me too.
What's going on here?
Oh, no, no, no. I
mean, you know...
Because they really
look real to me. Really.
Something's wrong.
Let's get out of here.
- You're under arrest.
- It's a bust.
[GRUNTING]
Get off.
Get off. I'm out of here.
Nice move, Mama.
You should have known
me when I had two good hips.
You two should have
seen your grandmother.
- She was great.
- Wow.
Well, I guess Dad and Vanessa
were lucky you came along, Grandma.
Your Grandpa Sam
taught me that jujitsu move.
It works every time.
Show us how you did it, Grandma.
You can demonstrate on Eddie.
No way.
Kids, go to bed.
I want to wait up
until Dad came home.
If I have to tell you one more time,
I'm gonna sic your Grandma on you.
I'm out of here.
What happened tonight
would make a great novel.
You could call it Kung Fu Mama.
[LAUGHING]
Will you two stop
it? This is serious.
We made total
fools of ourselves.
Speak for yourself. I'm
up for a commendation.
We almost blew
the whole operation.
Somebody could have gotten hurt.
Plus we really embarrassed Carl.
Oh, Harriette, don't
be so hard on yourself.
So your insane jealousy
clouded your good judgment...
and drove you to
an act of desperation.
I'm sure Carl
will forgive you...
eventually.
Oh, sure he will.
In the future, Harriette, try to
have a little more faith in my Carl.
And don't be so quick
to jump to conclusions.
I didn't jump, I was pushed.
Maybe I did fan
the flames a little.
Guess I've been reading too many
of those trashy romance novels.
Why don't you two go to bed?
I'm too wired to sleep.
Me too.
Let's ring some
doorbells and run.
[LAUGHS]
Well, we finally
got them booked.
And get this...
the one that Mama flipped
is claiming police brutality.
Carl, listen. I can't
tell you how sorry I am.
I mean, I feel terrible
that I doubted you.
Well, to tell you the truth...
I'm kind of flattered.
I mean, for you to be
jealous after all these years...
kind of does something
good to the old ego.
Well, I really am sorry.
I mean, I was fine
until I saw that key.
And then I lost it.
[CHUCKLES]
Harriette, don't you know...
that you are the only
woman in the world for me?
- I love you.
- I love you too.
I just wish there was something
I could do to make it up to you.
Well, there's always
Louie's Love Grotto.
We have the room
until tomorrow noon.
[BOTH LAUGH]
I'll race you to the hot tub.
[ENGLISH SDH]