Family Matters (1989–1998): Season 1, Episode 3 - Short Story - full transcript
Early in the series, Harriette's widowed sister, Rachel Crawford, is a budding freelance writer who has just written a short story. She's really excited when Tomorrow's Woman magazine wants to buy the story, but no one else (except Eddie) wants to celebrate. It seems they've read the story, see negative representations of themselves in Rachel's characters and are offended that she's using her story as a way to express her frustrations about them.
Eddie, the forks go on the left.
- On the left?
- Right.
Oh, on the right.
Well, that makes sense.
We're all right-handed.
No, genius. When I said
right, I meant left was right.
Great news, everyone.
I stopped on the way home
and bought us a pizza for dinner.
Thank goodness. We
can eat with our hands.
- Grandma. Grandma.
Grandma. ESTELLE: Hmm.
Anything for me?
Grandma. Grandma.
- Grandma.
- Oh.
- This one looks important.
- That must be for me.
- Grandma.
- Oh, this is from Barbara Bush.
- You know Barbara Bush?
- Oh, sure.
But I haven't heard from
them since they moved.
- Here's one for you, Dad.
- Thank you.
Oh, terrific. A water bill.
Here's one for Rachel.
- Should I give it to her?
- Let me give it.
Makes me feel important.
Hey, Rachel, you got a letter.
Oh, it's from Sci-fi magazine.
- I sent them a great short story.
- I don't believe it.
- You haven't even read her story.
- I don't mean her story.
I mean the water bill.
Did we get a swimming
pool and nobody told me?
Look at that.
It is a little high.
A little high?
They don't use this
much water at SeaWorld.
This is terrible.
They rejected my story.
Oh, Rachel, I'm sorry. I guess this
has been a tough day for both of us, huh?
Great news, Dad. I'm all
finished washing the car.
You washed the car?
With water?
Boy, why did you do that?
Because you told me to?
Edward, I told you two weeks
ago when we could afford it.
I don't believe this. I did
something good and I'm in trouble.
Big trouble.
And from now on, ask me before
you do something I told you to do.
I'm sorry they
rejected your story.
It was a great idea.
It was about this trucker
who has a whole lot of tattoos.
Then one day, he notices
his tattoos are changing.
Finally, he realizes
they're not tattoos at
all, but aliens with
really low self-esteem.
Uh-huh.
- I'm doing a Stephen King sort of thing.
- Let me tell you where you're going wrong.
Shouldn't be wasting your time
writing about truckers and tattoos.
Gotta be writing about
things you know about.
Carl! Carl!
Now, don't panic.
The water will just be
off for four hours a day.
Now, I know we can all live with that,
and think of the money we'll be saving.
I know how we can save a
lot more money. Nobody eats.
I'll turn it right back on.
- Hi, Aunt Rachel.
- Hi, baby.
How was school?
I can get A's in my sleep.
The public-school system
is geared for kids like Eddie.
- How's the story coming?
- It's not.
I keep getting a lot of ideas but
none of them amount to anything.
I'm sort of blocked.
CARL: All right, I want
everyone in this house...
in the living room,
right now on the double.
Uh-oh.
It's Aquaman.
All right.
Who did it?
Who left the
sprinkler on all day?
The front yard looks
like a rice paddy.
Don't look at me. I
don't do outside work.
- I didn't do it.
- Not me.
I haven't done
anything. I'm blocked.
Well, who could it be?
Hi, everybody.
Edward.
Son.
Did you turn on
the sprinkler today?
Yeah, I did, Dad. I
turned it on this morning.
And without even being asked.
But you forgot to turn it off.
I got you there, Dad.
You didn't tell me that part.
Edward, the human
body is 65 percent water.
If we come up short,
you're the first to go.
You're getting out of
hand with this water thing.
Out of hand?
I have to rent scuba gear
to get the evening paper.
From now on, nobody uses
a drop of water in this house...
without written
permission from me.
- Oh, come on. LAURA: Come on.
HARRIETTE: What do
you mean? I've got to get...
I wonder if George and
Barbara have an extra room.
CARL: I work too hard. I
only make $305 a week.
Aunt Rachel, you want something
to write about, write about this family.
People love stories
about domestic violence.
- Mama, we are doing good.
- Hm?
We are doing real good.
I have been checking the meter
now every day for the past two weeks...
and water consumption
is finally under control.
Good. Now maybe I
can firm up my waterbed.
I'm really getting sick of this. I want
some of that mail and I want it now.
Okay. Here. Take this.
This is junk mail.
You're new in this profession.
You've got to start at the bottom.
I was born at the bottom.
Here you go. Grandma.
[SINGING] You put
your right foot out
You put your right foot...
Come on, baby. This is a
top-of-the-line teething ring.
He hates this thing.
You're doing it all wrong.
Well, excuse me. It didn't
come with instructions.
Watch and learn.
Dip it in a little apple sauce.
Here you go, sweetie. Mm, mm.
Oh, sure. Anybody
can do it that way.
Mail call for Aunt Rachel.
- That's for dinner.
- Sorry.
This is from the magazine I
sent my new short story to.
Open it. Open it.
Well, what did they
say? What did they say?
I sold my story.
I sold it! I sold it!
- I sold it!
- You sold it. You sold it. You sold it.
Now, am I gonna get
a chance to read it?
I didn't want you to see
it until I knew it was good.
I'm gonna go out now and
make copies for everyone.
Will you watch little
Richie for me? Good.
Sure, no problem.
Oh, by the way, he
needs changing. Thanks.
Laura, get down here.
The baby needs changing.
So, what did you
think of my story?
Rachel, this story is about us.
No, it's not. I made it up.
You made it up?
The story is about a woman who
moves in with her sister's family.
The father's a cop, the
mother works at a newspaper.
And they live in a house with
their three kids and a grandmother.
Okay, I know that
sounds like this family.
But I just used you
as a jumping-off point.
I don't think you
jumped far enough.
You make me seem
pushy. I'm not pushy.
- Yeah.
- Hush up, Carl.
I want you to take
me out of the story.
Mother Winslow...
And you make me seem
like some kind of cheapskate.
Got that part right.
I don't know why
you guys are so upset.
She made me seem like some
kind of smart-mouthed know-it-all.
Come on, guys, it's just a
little story for a magazine.
I doubt if anyone we
know will even read it.
What about me? You
said I whine. I don't whine.
Honey, it's not about you.
Way to go, Rachel.
Come on, guys, I
made it up, really.
I mean, hasn't anyone noticed
the family is nothing like us?
They have cable.
Aunt Rachel, I love your story.
Finally, someone
who knows it's fiction.
What fiction? You
captured the real me.
A guy who's great
with the babes.
That is the only
part that is fiction.
Oh, yeah?
Don't be hitting nobody on the
head. You're all crazy enough as it is.
Harriette, you
haven't said a word.
You're a reasonable person.
What did you think of my story?
You wanna know what
I think about this story?
Maybe not.
Rachel, I think this story
is about you and me.
How you see me as this overbearing big
sister who's always pushing you around.
Well, it's nice to finally know
how you really feel about me.
Harriette, it's
just a little story.
Well, your words speak
louder than your words.
- What does that mean?
- I don't know. I'm fired up.
Harriette, come on.
So you see, Mother Winslow,
that's the way we writers do it.
- Oh.
- We take somebody we might know...
and use them as a model
for fictional characters.
- Uh-huh.
- Like Hemingway.
He used his
friends in his stories.
I met Hemingway in Cuba once.
All sizzle and no steak.
Rachel, well, I convinced
Harriette to talk to you.
Now, you're gonna
have to do the rest.
Thanks, Carl.
- Excuse me, Mother Winslow.
- I'll be praying for you, honey.
[SIGHS]
Okay, Harriette.
Now, I know that you two can
straighten out this misunderstanding.
So now, just go right ahead.
Straighten out the misunderstanding.
Right out.
Harriette, I'm really
sorry this upset you.
I was just trying to do what you
told me, write about what I know.
See? Now, come on, let's all
go out and get some ice cream.
I just wanna ask you
one thing, Rachel.
Did you mean all that
stuff you wrote about me?
It's not you, Harriette.
Henrietta is a
fictional character.
See? Now, come on, let's go
get that ice cream. Come on.
So you don't think I try to control
your life like that sister in the story?
Well, not all the time.
What do you mean,
not all the time?
Well, sometimes you
do try to control my life.
When? Name one time.
Ha! I could name
a hundred times.
You tell me how to dress,
how to do my makeup.
And you even gave me a lecture on
how to give my baby a teething ring.
You know, that really
made my hair stand on end.
Well, it would be a lot better
than the way you're wearing it now.
You know, I don't think I've
put enough of you in my story.
I may have to do a novel.
How would you like
to do it in traction?
Did they make up?
Well, they were close.
Real close.
Mm-hm.
Ooh. You look bad.
I know.
Where you going? You smell
like you gargled with Aqua Velva.
I'm going over to Linda
Fontana's house to ask her out.
Then you better go back upstairs
first because you forgot your brain.
Linda Fontana is the
prettiest girl in your school.
There's no way she's
gonna go out with you.
See, Aunt Rachel's story
taught me a lot about women.
I figure Linda's waiting for
a real man to come along.
One who's not
intimidated by her beauty.
And that's me.
Edward "Stud" Winslow.
How much of that
cologne did you swallow?
So have you made
up with Rachel yet?
Well, I guess not.
Rachel, you're just
in time for lunch.
Carl, would you please tell Harriette
I'll be eating lunch in my room.
Carl, would you please tell
Rachel if she's eating in her room...
she better call for pizza. My
food is not leaving this kitchen.
Carl, would you tell Harriette
that that is just fine with me.
But... Wha...
Mom, if Judy and I fight, can
I have pizza in my room too?
Just a thought.
Harriette...
how can you still be
upset at Rachel's story?
All the rest of us
have forgiven her.
Carl, she didn't do
a number on you.
You were just a
tightwad and a blowhard.
She thinks I'm
a terrible sister.
All these years, I thought
I was helping her out.
All the time, she's been seeing me as some
tyrant who's trying to control her life.
You know what I think?
I think the two of you have let
this thing get way out of hand...
and it is now
time to talk it out.
I don't wanna talk to her.
Honey. Look, I know
you're hurting right now.
But you wouldn't be hurting
if you didn't love her so much.
I don't know how two people who love
each other the way you and Rachel do...
can let something like
this come between you.
And I know that neither one of you
are gonna be happy until you work it out.
Now, come on,
honey, work it out.
I don't wanna work it out.
Hi, Aunt Rachel.
Hi, baby.
- Want some?
- No, thanks.
I guess you and Mom
still aren't talking, huh?
You know, this is just
about our worst fight ever.
Hey, don't let it get you down.
I know what it's
like to be a sister.
Judy and I fight all the time.
Yeah?
Do you say really
awful things to her?
Sure.
Being a middle child
has to have some perks.
But I don't really mean
the things that I say.
I'd never tell her
this, but I love the kid.
Anybody seen my
Bratty Kathy doll?
Beat it, you little rug rat.
See? I wasn't really
trying to hit her.
But she has to learn to
knock before she enters.
I think you should go
apologize right now.
Oh, I will. What do you think?
I wanna ruin our relationship?
See, that's the important thing.
No matter what happens
between sisters...
you don't let it ruin
the relationship.
Well, I think she
got the message.
- How did I do?
- You were great.
Your timing was perfect.
I don't know how Mom and Aunt
Rachel ever got through life without us.
- Harriette, we've gotta talk.
- I'm listening.
I am so sorry I
wrote that story.
I never meant to hurt you.
It's not about the
story anymore.
All right, I'm sorry for
everything else I said too.
So you don't think I push you
around and try to control your life?
Okay. I don't feel that way.
You do too.
Okay, I do feel that way.
I don't know what
you want me to say.
I want you to tell me the truth.
Fine.
Sometimes, I feel like
you push me around.
No, I don't.
I just give you advice.
Harriette...
you may mean it as advice, but
it comes across like giving orders.
It's like you don't respect me or you think
I'm not capable of thinking for myself.
- That is not true.
- Yes, it is.
Ever since we were little girls,
you always talked to me that way.
But I have nothing but
respect for you, Rachel.
The type of person you are,
your values, your ability as a writer.
Those are things I've
always admired about you.
Really?
Yeah, and if I boss you around sometimes,
it's only because I care about you...
and want only the best for you.
Well, you always have
been strong and dependable.
Just like a second mom.
Only younger.
Well, I can see you don't
need me as a mother.
You need me as a sister.
Oh, that would be fine.
Well, from now on, when
we're having a problem...
I want you to tell me
about it face to face
instead of putting it
in a national magazine.
Fair enough.
And I want you to let me
know if I'm getting pushy.
Okay, I will.
No, I mean it. Whenever I'm
getting pushy, it's your job to say...
Harriette, you're being pushy.
Boy, it sneaks up
on you, doesn't it?
[LAUGHS]
So are we friends now?
- Sure.
- Oh, I missed you so much.
- I missed you too.
- Oh, I knew you guys would work it out.
Oh, boy, I'm glad that's over.
All I can say is I'm glad that story
didn't cause any more trouble than it did.
CARL: Edward.
What happened to you?
I went over to Linda
Fontana's house to ask her out.
And she beat you up?
Gee, whatever happened
to girls just saying no?
It wasn't her.
It was her boyfriend, Bubba.
Aunt Rachel, next time you write
a story, leave me out of it, please.
Son, come on.
I think it's time you and I had a little
talk about women and guys named Bubba.
Wow. What did you do?
Take a bath in cologne?
[ENGLISH SDH]
- On the left?
- Right.
Oh, on the right.
Well, that makes sense.
We're all right-handed.
No, genius. When I said
right, I meant left was right.
Great news, everyone.
I stopped on the way home
and bought us a pizza for dinner.
Thank goodness. We
can eat with our hands.
- Grandma. Grandma.
Grandma. ESTELLE: Hmm.
Anything for me?
Grandma. Grandma.
- Grandma.
- Oh.
- This one looks important.
- That must be for me.
- Grandma.
- Oh, this is from Barbara Bush.
- You know Barbara Bush?
- Oh, sure.
But I haven't heard from
them since they moved.
- Here's one for you, Dad.
- Thank you.
Oh, terrific. A water bill.
Here's one for Rachel.
- Should I give it to her?
- Let me give it.
Makes me feel important.
Hey, Rachel, you got a letter.
Oh, it's from Sci-fi magazine.
- I sent them a great short story.
- I don't believe it.
- You haven't even read her story.
- I don't mean her story.
I mean the water bill.
Did we get a swimming
pool and nobody told me?
Look at that.
It is a little high.
A little high?
They don't use this
much water at SeaWorld.
This is terrible.
They rejected my story.
Oh, Rachel, I'm sorry. I guess this
has been a tough day for both of us, huh?
Great news, Dad. I'm all
finished washing the car.
You washed the car?
With water?
Boy, why did you do that?
Because you told me to?
Edward, I told you two weeks
ago when we could afford it.
I don't believe this. I did
something good and I'm in trouble.
Big trouble.
And from now on, ask me before
you do something I told you to do.
I'm sorry they
rejected your story.
It was a great idea.
It was about this trucker
who has a whole lot of tattoos.
Then one day, he notices
his tattoos are changing.
Finally, he realizes
they're not tattoos at
all, but aliens with
really low self-esteem.
Uh-huh.
- I'm doing a Stephen King sort of thing.
- Let me tell you where you're going wrong.
Shouldn't be wasting your time
writing about truckers and tattoos.
Gotta be writing about
things you know about.
Carl! Carl!
Now, don't panic.
The water will just be
off for four hours a day.
Now, I know we can all live with that,
and think of the money we'll be saving.
I know how we can save a
lot more money. Nobody eats.
I'll turn it right back on.
- Hi, Aunt Rachel.
- Hi, baby.
How was school?
I can get A's in my sleep.
The public-school system
is geared for kids like Eddie.
- How's the story coming?
- It's not.
I keep getting a lot of ideas but
none of them amount to anything.
I'm sort of blocked.
CARL: All right, I want
everyone in this house...
in the living room,
right now on the double.
Uh-oh.
It's Aquaman.
All right.
Who did it?
Who left the
sprinkler on all day?
The front yard looks
like a rice paddy.
Don't look at me. I
don't do outside work.
- I didn't do it.
- Not me.
I haven't done
anything. I'm blocked.
Well, who could it be?
Hi, everybody.
Edward.
Son.
Did you turn on
the sprinkler today?
Yeah, I did, Dad. I
turned it on this morning.
And without even being asked.
But you forgot to turn it off.
I got you there, Dad.
You didn't tell me that part.
Edward, the human
body is 65 percent water.
If we come up short,
you're the first to go.
You're getting out of
hand with this water thing.
Out of hand?
I have to rent scuba gear
to get the evening paper.
From now on, nobody uses
a drop of water in this house...
without written
permission from me.
- Oh, come on. LAURA: Come on.
HARRIETTE: What do
you mean? I've got to get...
I wonder if George and
Barbara have an extra room.
CARL: I work too hard. I
only make $305 a week.
Aunt Rachel, you want something
to write about, write about this family.
People love stories
about domestic violence.
- Mama, we are doing good.
- Hm?
We are doing real good.
I have been checking the meter
now every day for the past two weeks...
and water consumption
is finally under control.
Good. Now maybe I
can firm up my waterbed.
I'm really getting sick of this. I want
some of that mail and I want it now.
Okay. Here. Take this.
This is junk mail.
You're new in this profession.
You've got to start at the bottom.
I was born at the bottom.
Here you go. Grandma.
[SINGING] You put
your right foot out
You put your right foot...
Come on, baby. This is a
top-of-the-line teething ring.
He hates this thing.
You're doing it all wrong.
Well, excuse me. It didn't
come with instructions.
Watch and learn.
Dip it in a little apple sauce.
Here you go, sweetie. Mm, mm.
Oh, sure. Anybody
can do it that way.
Mail call for Aunt Rachel.
- That's for dinner.
- Sorry.
This is from the magazine I
sent my new short story to.
Open it. Open it.
Well, what did they
say? What did they say?
I sold my story.
I sold it! I sold it!
- I sold it!
- You sold it. You sold it. You sold it.
Now, am I gonna get
a chance to read it?
I didn't want you to see
it until I knew it was good.
I'm gonna go out now and
make copies for everyone.
Will you watch little
Richie for me? Good.
Sure, no problem.
Oh, by the way, he
needs changing. Thanks.
Laura, get down here.
The baby needs changing.
So, what did you
think of my story?
Rachel, this story is about us.
No, it's not. I made it up.
You made it up?
The story is about a woman who
moves in with her sister's family.
The father's a cop, the
mother works at a newspaper.
And they live in a house with
their three kids and a grandmother.
Okay, I know that
sounds like this family.
But I just used you
as a jumping-off point.
I don't think you
jumped far enough.
You make me seem
pushy. I'm not pushy.
- Yeah.
- Hush up, Carl.
I want you to take
me out of the story.
Mother Winslow...
And you make me seem
like some kind of cheapskate.
Got that part right.
I don't know why
you guys are so upset.
She made me seem like some
kind of smart-mouthed know-it-all.
Come on, guys, it's just a
little story for a magazine.
I doubt if anyone we
know will even read it.
What about me? You
said I whine. I don't whine.
Honey, it's not about you.
Way to go, Rachel.
Come on, guys, I
made it up, really.
I mean, hasn't anyone noticed
the family is nothing like us?
They have cable.
Aunt Rachel, I love your story.
Finally, someone
who knows it's fiction.
What fiction? You
captured the real me.
A guy who's great
with the babes.
That is the only
part that is fiction.
Oh, yeah?
Don't be hitting nobody on the
head. You're all crazy enough as it is.
Harriette, you
haven't said a word.
You're a reasonable person.
What did you think of my story?
You wanna know what
I think about this story?
Maybe not.
Rachel, I think this story
is about you and me.
How you see me as this overbearing big
sister who's always pushing you around.
Well, it's nice to finally know
how you really feel about me.
Harriette, it's
just a little story.
Well, your words speak
louder than your words.
- What does that mean?
- I don't know. I'm fired up.
Harriette, come on.
So you see, Mother Winslow,
that's the way we writers do it.
- Oh.
- We take somebody we might know...
and use them as a model
for fictional characters.
- Uh-huh.
- Like Hemingway.
He used his
friends in his stories.
I met Hemingway in Cuba once.
All sizzle and no steak.
Rachel, well, I convinced
Harriette to talk to you.
Now, you're gonna
have to do the rest.
Thanks, Carl.
- Excuse me, Mother Winslow.
- I'll be praying for you, honey.
[SIGHS]
Okay, Harriette.
Now, I know that you two can
straighten out this misunderstanding.
So now, just go right ahead.
Straighten out the misunderstanding.
Right out.
Harriette, I'm really
sorry this upset you.
I was just trying to do what you
told me, write about what I know.
See? Now, come on, let's all
go out and get some ice cream.
I just wanna ask you
one thing, Rachel.
Did you mean all that
stuff you wrote about me?
It's not you, Harriette.
Henrietta is a
fictional character.
See? Now, come on, let's go
get that ice cream. Come on.
So you don't think I try to control
your life like that sister in the story?
Well, not all the time.
What do you mean,
not all the time?
Well, sometimes you
do try to control my life.
When? Name one time.
Ha! I could name
a hundred times.
You tell me how to dress,
how to do my makeup.
And you even gave me a lecture on
how to give my baby a teething ring.
You know, that really
made my hair stand on end.
Well, it would be a lot better
than the way you're wearing it now.
You know, I don't think I've
put enough of you in my story.
I may have to do a novel.
How would you like
to do it in traction?
Did they make up?
Well, they were close.
Real close.
Mm-hm.
Ooh. You look bad.
I know.
Where you going? You smell
like you gargled with Aqua Velva.
I'm going over to Linda
Fontana's house to ask her out.
Then you better go back upstairs
first because you forgot your brain.
Linda Fontana is the
prettiest girl in your school.
There's no way she's
gonna go out with you.
See, Aunt Rachel's story
taught me a lot about women.
I figure Linda's waiting for
a real man to come along.
One who's not
intimidated by her beauty.
And that's me.
Edward "Stud" Winslow.
How much of that
cologne did you swallow?
So have you made
up with Rachel yet?
Well, I guess not.
Rachel, you're just
in time for lunch.
Carl, would you please tell Harriette
I'll be eating lunch in my room.
Carl, would you please tell
Rachel if she's eating in her room...
she better call for pizza. My
food is not leaving this kitchen.
Carl, would you tell Harriette
that that is just fine with me.
But... Wha...
Mom, if Judy and I fight, can
I have pizza in my room too?
Just a thought.
Harriette...
how can you still be
upset at Rachel's story?
All the rest of us
have forgiven her.
Carl, she didn't do
a number on you.
You were just a
tightwad and a blowhard.
She thinks I'm
a terrible sister.
All these years, I thought
I was helping her out.
All the time, she's been seeing me as some
tyrant who's trying to control her life.
You know what I think?
I think the two of you have let
this thing get way out of hand...
and it is now
time to talk it out.
I don't wanna talk to her.
Honey. Look, I know
you're hurting right now.
But you wouldn't be hurting
if you didn't love her so much.
I don't know how two people who love
each other the way you and Rachel do...
can let something like
this come between you.
And I know that neither one of you
are gonna be happy until you work it out.
Now, come on,
honey, work it out.
I don't wanna work it out.
Hi, Aunt Rachel.
Hi, baby.
- Want some?
- No, thanks.
I guess you and Mom
still aren't talking, huh?
You know, this is just
about our worst fight ever.
Hey, don't let it get you down.
I know what it's
like to be a sister.
Judy and I fight all the time.
Yeah?
Do you say really
awful things to her?
Sure.
Being a middle child
has to have some perks.
But I don't really mean
the things that I say.
I'd never tell her
this, but I love the kid.
Anybody seen my
Bratty Kathy doll?
Beat it, you little rug rat.
See? I wasn't really
trying to hit her.
But she has to learn to
knock before she enters.
I think you should go
apologize right now.
Oh, I will. What do you think?
I wanna ruin our relationship?
See, that's the important thing.
No matter what happens
between sisters...
you don't let it ruin
the relationship.
Well, I think she
got the message.
- How did I do?
- You were great.
Your timing was perfect.
I don't know how Mom and Aunt
Rachel ever got through life without us.
- Harriette, we've gotta talk.
- I'm listening.
I am so sorry I
wrote that story.
I never meant to hurt you.
It's not about the
story anymore.
All right, I'm sorry for
everything else I said too.
So you don't think I push you
around and try to control your life?
Okay. I don't feel that way.
You do too.
Okay, I do feel that way.
I don't know what
you want me to say.
I want you to tell me the truth.
Fine.
Sometimes, I feel like
you push me around.
No, I don't.
I just give you advice.
Harriette...
you may mean it as advice, but
it comes across like giving orders.
It's like you don't respect me or you think
I'm not capable of thinking for myself.
- That is not true.
- Yes, it is.
Ever since we were little girls,
you always talked to me that way.
But I have nothing but
respect for you, Rachel.
The type of person you are,
your values, your ability as a writer.
Those are things I've
always admired about you.
Really?
Yeah, and if I boss you around sometimes,
it's only because I care about you...
and want only the best for you.
Well, you always have
been strong and dependable.
Just like a second mom.
Only younger.
Well, I can see you don't
need me as a mother.
You need me as a sister.
Oh, that would be fine.
Well, from now on, when
we're having a problem...
I want you to tell me
about it face to face
instead of putting it
in a national magazine.
Fair enough.
And I want you to let me
know if I'm getting pushy.
Okay, I will.
No, I mean it. Whenever I'm
getting pushy, it's your job to say...
Harriette, you're being pushy.
Boy, it sneaks up
on you, doesn't it?
[LAUGHS]
So are we friends now?
- Sure.
- Oh, I missed you so much.
- I missed you too.
- Oh, I knew you guys would work it out.
Oh, boy, I'm glad that's over.
All I can say is I'm glad that story
didn't cause any more trouble than it did.
CARL: Edward.
What happened to you?
I went over to Linda
Fontana's house to ask her out.
And she beat you up?
Gee, whatever happened
to girls just saying no?
It wasn't her.
It was her boyfriend, Bubba.
Aunt Rachel, next time you write
a story, leave me out of it, please.
Son, come on.
I think it's time you and I had a little
talk about women and guys named Bubba.
Wow. What did you do?
Take a bath in cologne?
[ENGLISH SDH]