Family Matters (1989–1998): Season 1, Episode 10 - False Arrest - full transcript
Working security at a television studio, Carl makes a simple request to actor Buddy Goodrich to move his parked car from a fire lane. Buddy is very rude and refuses to move the car. He presses his luck and is arrested when he tries to punch Carl. Carl thinks the matter is settled ... until the family learns about the arrest and won't talk to him. Later, Buddy shows up at the Winslows home in an attempt to bribe Carl with free tickets to his TV show, where again he runs his mouth off and lets slip the truth. The others then decide to give Buddy back the tickets and tell him to leave.
Celery stalks, lettuce
and carrot sticks?
You fixing lunch for a rabbit?
This is for Carl. I'm putting
him on a diet as of today.
- Does he know about it yet?
- No.
I'm out of here.
- Mom, did you wash my jumpsuit?
- It's over on the table.
Don't wait three months
before you bring it home.
It walked into the
laundry room by itself.
Mom, can I have
$35 for a band jacket?
Wait a minute. You're
not even in the band.
I know, but Marsha Johnson is.
If I'm wearing a band jacket, I can
sit next to her at the football games.
Forget it, Romeo. She's
going out with Billy Jones.
This sandwich is made
with chunky peanut butter.
Meat loaf?
I can't eat this.
I'm a vegetarian.
- Since when?
- Since yesterday at lunch...
when Barney McGuire laughed so
hard bologna came out of his nose.
- Oh, my God.
- Mustard?
Mom, you put mustard on
my sandwich. I hate mustard.
Look, I'm not running
a restaurant here.
Work it out for yourselves.
I've got to check on the laundry.
All I want is an apple.
Forget this. I'm
eating at the cafeteria.
I hate chunky peanut butter.
- Bye, Mom.
- Bye, Mom.
- Bye, Mom.
HARRIETTE: Bye, kids.
Harriette, is my lunch
ready? I'm late for work.
It's on the counter.
- Honey, you sure this is my lunch?
- It's a new diet you're starting today.
All right, if you insist.
But you know, all of this food, I
doubt if I have enough room for dinner.
- That's the spirit, sugar.
- Mwah.
See you later.
[FAMILY AND AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
But what in the world possessed you
boys to bring a timber wolf into the house?
We got the idea from
you, Dad, remember?
You told us how you once
kidnapped your rival school's mascot?
Yes, son. But that
was in the '60s.
I did it for peace.
[FAMILY AND AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
Hi, everybody.
Boy, what a day.
The most incredible thing
happened to me today.
Carl, hush. We're trying to
watch The Buddy Goodrich Show.
The Buddy Goodrich Show? Mama,
you'd rather watch TV than talk to me?
Well, he's only on once a
week. You're here every day.
I just thought you'd like
to hear about my day.
[FAMILY AND AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
See? You made
me miss a big joke.
So this is the top TV show?
A sitcom about a rich black man
who adopts two white orphans. Hmp.
They're adopted?
Oh. Now I get it.
Come on, Richie. Come on, baby.
Show Mama that look that's
gonna drive the girls crazy.
Come on. Come on... Uh...
That's the one. Mothers of
America, lock up your daughters.
- Hi. Mm-ah.
- Hi, honey.
- How was your day?
- Unbelievable.
Really? Tell us about it.
It's nice to see that not everyone is in
love with The Buddy Goodrich Show.
Did that start already? Shoot.
Don't worry, honey. I'll take you
over Buddy Goodrich any day.
[CARL CHUCKLES]
[FAMILY AND AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
Go ahead.
TEDDY: It's gotta better than what she
was planning to make: duck with an orange.
MICKEY: I didn't know
we was gonna eat the duck.
[FAMILY AND AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
That Mickey is a riot.
Scoot over.
We're sorry.
I'm sorry I left the bathroom window
open and let the timber wolf get away.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
No, kids. It's all my fault.
I should've kept
my past a secret.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
Hey, don't worry, I'll
take care of everything.
I'll pay for the damages,
I'll take us to dinner.
I'll even trap a new mascot.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
Dad...
you're the best dad we ever had.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING OVER TV]
[TV CLICKS OFF]
Oh, that man is wonderful.
What a great dad.
He's not real. What does he do
for a living? Somebody tell me.
He's a neurosurgeon
and a test pilot.
He's so smart. He always
knows the right thing to say.
Of course, he does.
He has 12 writers.
I think he's cute.
I think he's sexy.
We don't just watch
this show for the laughs.
There's also a
lesson every week.
[CHUCKLES]
What was tonight's lesson?
Well, Buddy showed us
that when kids mess up...
parents should think back
and see how it's really their fault.
Oh.
Like the time you threw the football
through the window, that was my fault?
Hey, who gave me the football?
- Harriette...
- Mm-hm?
You think the kids
might like me better...
if I dressed more Ivy
League, like Buddy Goodrich?
Carl, you're not Ivy League.
You're bowling league.
But don't worry, the kids know
you're a great father. We all do.
Thanks, Harriette.
Well, I believe I'll have me a shot
of mineral oil and then hit the sack.
I'll get it, Mother Winslow.
By the way, Carl, did you get good seats
for the Buddy Goodrich one-man show?
No, Mama. I didn't get the
tickets at all. I've been too busy.
With what?
Oh, nothing much. Just robberies,
high-speed chases, shootouts.
And what about your
lunch hour, honey?
Okay, Mama. I'll pick
up the tickets tomorrow.
And, Carl, spring for
some decent seats this time.
Yeah. When you took us to
see the Gladys Knight show...
we sat so far back I
couldn't even see The Pips.
Excuse me. Heh. I was on
my way to the box office...
and I noticed a black convertible
parked in the handicapped spot.
- You know whose it is?
- Yeah, that's Buddy Goodrich's car.
- Really? That's his car?
- Mm-hm.
Wow. Listen, I'm pressed for time, so
would you mind telling him to move it?
I'm on a break. Sorry.
That's his dressing room there.
- Thanks.
- Yep.
- Can I help you, officer?
- Sorry to bother you.
But Mr. Goodrich's car is
parked in a handicapped spot.
- I'd appreciate somebody moving it.
- Of course. Let me just get the keys.
Hey, jack.
Wow.
You're Buddy Goodrich.
My family watches you every
week. They think you're the greatest.
I know. I know. I know.
Gee, you're much taller on TV.
That's because on the show, I'm always
standing next to those little runt orphans.
[LAUGHS]
That is good. Ha-ha-ha.
Oh, I can't believe this.
Mr. Goodrich, after you move the car,
can I get your autograph for my kids?
Nobody moves the car.
It stays where it
is. You got that...
Officer Chubbo?
[LAUGHING]
You are one funny guy.
And actually that'd
be Sergeant Chubbo.
But seriously, Mr. Goodrich,
the car has to be moved.
So this is the thanks I
get for doing a charity gig?
I don't need this.
You know, I'm a big star.
Well, fine. Then have
your assistant move the car.
Oh, you don't get it.
That handicapped space
is right by the stage door...
so when I finish the show...
I can get out of this dump
as fast as possible, capisce?
Uh... Listen, Mr. Goodrich...
if you don't move the car...
I'm gonna have to give you a
ticket and have you towed away.
- You are going to do what?
- You heard me.
Look, you don't
seem to understand.
I'm not moving the car and
you are not giving me a ticket.
- Am I getting through?
- Ahem.
You know, Mr. Goodrich, you
ought not shove a police officer.
Oh, that was just tapping.
- This is shoving.
- Now you did that again.
Yeah, I kind of enjoyed it.
- I'm not gonna tell you anymore.
- Didn't like that?
- No.
- Then you're gonna hate this.
Mr. Goodrich, you are under
arrest for assaulting a police officer.
You have the right
to remain silent.
You know, that was really
dumb. You are one first-class idiot.
Oh, really? Well, if I'm so dumb, how
come you're the one wearing the cuffs?
You have the right
to an attorney...
[VOICE FADES OUT]
NEWSCASTER: And now the
Windy City's number-one newscast...
- with the award-winning Robert Alvarez.
- Oh. Hi, everybody.
I'm glad you're all home.
I got something to tell you.
- Not now, Carl, we're watching the news.
- Did you hear?
Some wacko cop
arrested Buddy Goodrich.
Well, I'd like to talk
to you about that.
- You see, what happened...
- Quiet, Carl.
No, no, I'm still
performing tomorrow night.
Of course, after the
way I was roughed up...
the next time I come to town I'll
remember to bring a stuntman.
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHING]
Oh, what a guy. He can
still laugh at a time like this.
I know what happened
to Buddy Goodrich.
We'd rather hear from
somebody who was there.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER TV]
No, I don't know why
this officer attacked me.
But my assistant, Roger, will
verify that it was totally unprovoked.
And I just want you to know that I don't
blame the city or the Police Department.
There's only one person
that I hold responsible.
One bad apple. One rogue cop.
Officer Carl Winslow.
It was you?
You arrested Buddy Goodrich?
Well, yeah.
Way to go, Carl.
You arrested
America's favorite dad?
How could you do this to me?
To you?
Carl, I know you wouldn't have arrested
the man unless you had a good reason.
I wanna hear this.
Look, I politely asked the man to
move his car out of a handicapped spot.
But he went crazy.
He took a swing at me.
That's it?
That's plenty.
Look, just because the man is nice on
TV does not mean that he's nice in person.
Dad, you busted the most
popular guy in America.
I say we move.
- Yeah, let's move to Canada.
- I'm with you.
All right, I didn't expect
the kids to understand...
- but you understand, Mama, don't you?
- Oh, yeah, I understand.
You were in a tight
spot and you choked.
Okay, Mama.
We believe you, Carl.
Don't we, Rachel?
Of course we do.
Carl, I love you. You're my
brother-in-law. Why wouldn't I believe?
Of course, you're not
Buddy Goodrich's biggest fan.
And maybe you went there
with a chip on your shoulder.
But, basically, I believe you.
More or less.
[SIGHS]
Oh, Carl, did you see the paper?
[GROWLS] Yeah.
It wasn't a very good picture...
but then it wasn't a real good reason
to be in the paper. But, hey, front page.
Are we gonna eat soon?
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I'll get it.
- Hello.
- It's Buddy Goodrich.
Is this the Winslow residence?
Yes.
May I come in?
[MOUTHING]
Yes.
Thank you.
I'm Buddy Goodrich.
And you are...?
I'm Harriette Winslow...
and these are my children,
Eddie, Laura and Judy Winslow.
And that's my
mother-in-law, Mrs. Winslow.
- Ah.
- And I think you know my husband, Carl.
Uh... We've met.
You have a
beautiful family, Carl.
Carl, how can you arrest a man
who says you got a beautiful family?
I just came over to say how
sorry I am about what happened.
As a little token of my feelings, I've
brought some tickets to my show tonight.
[FAMILY GASPING THEN CHATTERING]
Uh, uh. I'm sorry, Mr. Goodrich,
but we can't make it.
Oh, come on, Dad.
Now, now, now, if that's what
he says, that's the way it goes.
Show him respect.
He's your father.
Thank you,
Mr. Goodrich. Thank you.
I understand what you're
going through right now.
When something like
this gets in the press,
there's no telling
how they'll blow it up.
Hi, I'm Rachel.
It's nice to meet you again.
You know, I can only imagine
how proud you must be of Carl.
He has a very...
He has a very difficult
job and he does it so well.
That's very nice of you to
say, Mr. Goodrich. Thank you.
Now I've always said that what
separates us from the animals...
is that we have the ability to
settle our differences peacefully.
Well, that and we know
how to use chopsticks.
[FAMILY LAUGHING]
He's wonderful.
He kills me.
So, Carl, do you think we could speak
privately? It will just take a minute.
- Oh, well, I...
- Yes, Daddy.
Okay, we can go
talk in the kitchen.
Ah.
Oh!
Row A.
Is that good?
Thanks for speaking with me.
Well, I appreciate what
you said in front of my family.
It's all true.
Carl, look, I'd like to solve our
little problem before I leave town.
Isn't there something we can do?
Sure, you could tell the truth,
plead guilty and pay your fine.
Yeah, that's an option.
Not what I had in mind.
Well, that's the best I can do.
Don't be so hasty.
This will be a very
tough case for you to win.
I know. I date one of the
actresses on L.A. Law.
Well, you may be right, Mr. Goodrich,
but I know what happened.
Carl, do you really want to take on
America's favorite dad in front of a jury?
Mr. Goodrich, would you
get to the bottom line on this?
Okay.
I want you to come backstage
after my show for a press conference.
You change your story.
I'll praise you as a dedicated
public servant and we both look good.
I can't do that, Mr. Goodrich. You
see, you assaulted a police officer.
But that's not what my assistant
is gonna say on the witness stand.
He'll say that he saw the
whole thing and you started it.
Oh, I see.
So, what you're gonna have
him do is lie, commit perjury?
Those are such ugly words, Carl.
They're true, but
still, they're very ugly.
Mr. Goodrich, it's time for
you to go. I'll see you in court.
Carl, don't be so short-sighted.
Look, I've got an idea.
Just pitching here...
but what if we do an episode on
my show about our little incident...
and I hire you as a
technical advisor for a fee of...
two thousand dollars?
How's that sound?
Sounds like you're
offering me a bribe.
Ooh. "Bribe." Another ugly word.
Carl!
I am trying to do you a favor.
But what is your problem?
I'll tell you what my
problem is, Mr. Goodrich.
I can't shave with
my eyes closed.
What's that supposed to mean?
It means that I have to look at
myself every day in the mirror.
Mm-hm.
Sure, I'd love to get
this thing over with.
But if I gave in to you,
I couldn't face myself.
I couldn't face my kids, either.
You see, Mr. Goodrich, I've always
tried to teach them right from wrong.
I'm a good father
and a good cop.
I don't back down
when I know I'm right.
And I don't take bribes
from the likes of you.
Now get out of my house.
Okay.
Three thousand dollars.
Get out. Now.
Okay, but you are
making a big mistake.
I am going to bury you in court.
Hey, everybody.
[LAUGHS]
Rachel, right?
Right.
Well, uh...
gotta run. Ha-ha-ha.
Excuse me.
It was very nice
meeting everyone.
The pleasure was all yours.
[LAUGHING]
That's good.
So, well, really... I
really do have to run.
Mr. Goodrich, you forgot something.
We won't be needing these tickets.
You know...
[ALL CHEER]
- You were wonderful.
- I am so proud of you.
- Aren't you proud?
- I am. That is my son.
I sure hope this is the last
day of that Goodrich trial.
These last couple of weeks
have been tough on Carl.
Yeah. I hate the way he looks
in those courtroom sketches.
[LAUGHS]
- Hi, everybody.
- Hey, hi.
- How did the Goodrich trial go?
- It's over. They found him guilty.
Goodrich's assistant broke
down and told the truth.
- No.
- Goodrich fired him on the spot.
And then he punched
out his lawyer. Ha-ha-ha.
- Is he going to jail?
- No, Mama.
He has to pay a big fine, spend 100 hours
picking up trash along the interstate.
Oh, a big star like that picking
up garbage? Honey, I love it.
Now, Rachel, that's not nice.
Mama's right. We shouldn't take
pleasure in someone else's misery.
Anybody for a slow
drive along the interstate?
[ALL LAUGHING]
I'll get the camera.
This is gonna be great.
[ENGLISH SDH]
and carrot sticks?
You fixing lunch for a rabbit?
This is for Carl. I'm putting
him on a diet as of today.
- Does he know about it yet?
- No.
I'm out of here.
- Mom, did you wash my jumpsuit?
- It's over on the table.
Don't wait three months
before you bring it home.
It walked into the
laundry room by itself.
Mom, can I have
$35 for a band jacket?
Wait a minute. You're
not even in the band.
I know, but Marsha Johnson is.
If I'm wearing a band jacket, I can
sit next to her at the football games.
Forget it, Romeo. She's
going out with Billy Jones.
This sandwich is made
with chunky peanut butter.
Meat loaf?
I can't eat this.
I'm a vegetarian.
- Since when?
- Since yesterday at lunch...
when Barney McGuire laughed so
hard bologna came out of his nose.
- Oh, my God.
- Mustard?
Mom, you put mustard on
my sandwich. I hate mustard.
Look, I'm not running
a restaurant here.
Work it out for yourselves.
I've got to check on the laundry.
All I want is an apple.
Forget this. I'm
eating at the cafeteria.
I hate chunky peanut butter.
- Bye, Mom.
- Bye, Mom.
- Bye, Mom.
HARRIETTE: Bye, kids.
Harriette, is my lunch
ready? I'm late for work.
It's on the counter.
- Honey, you sure this is my lunch?
- It's a new diet you're starting today.
All right, if you insist.
But you know, all of this food, I
doubt if I have enough room for dinner.
- That's the spirit, sugar.
- Mwah.
See you later.
[FAMILY AND AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
But what in the world possessed you
boys to bring a timber wolf into the house?
We got the idea from
you, Dad, remember?
You told us how you once
kidnapped your rival school's mascot?
Yes, son. But that
was in the '60s.
I did it for peace.
[FAMILY AND AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
Hi, everybody.
Boy, what a day.
The most incredible thing
happened to me today.
Carl, hush. We're trying to
watch The Buddy Goodrich Show.
The Buddy Goodrich Show? Mama,
you'd rather watch TV than talk to me?
Well, he's only on once a
week. You're here every day.
I just thought you'd like
to hear about my day.
[FAMILY AND AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
See? You made
me miss a big joke.
So this is the top TV show?
A sitcom about a rich black man
who adopts two white orphans. Hmp.
They're adopted?
Oh. Now I get it.
Come on, Richie. Come on, baby.
Show Mama that look that's
gonna drive the girls crazy.
Come on. Come on... Uh...
That's the one. Mothers of
America, lock up your daughters.
- Hi. Mm-ah.
- Hi, honey.
- How was your day?
- Unbelievable.
Really? Tell us about it.
It's nice to see that not everyone is in
love with The Buddy Goodrich Show.
Did that start already? Shoot.
Don't worry, honey. I'll take you
over Buddy Goodrich any day.
[CARL CHUCKLES]
[FAMILY AND AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
Go ahead.
TEDDY: It's gotta better than what she
was planning to make: duck with an orange.
MICKEY: I didn't know
we was gonna eat the duck.
[FAMILY AND AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
That Mickey is a riot.
Scoot over.
We're sorry.
I'm sorry I left the bathroom window
open and let the timber wolf get away.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
No, kids. It's all my fault.
I should've kept
my past a secret.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
Hey, don't worry, I'll
take care of everything.
I'll pay for the damages,
I'll take us to dinner.
I'll even trap a new mascot.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
Dad...
you're the best dad we ever had.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING OVER TV]
[TV CLICKS OFF]
Oh, that man is wonderful.
What a great dad.
He's not real. What does he do
for a living? Somebody tell me.
He's a neurosurgeon
and a test pilot.
He's so smart. He always
knows the right thing to say.
Of course, he does.
He has 12 writers.
I think he's cute.
I think he's sexy.
We don't just watch
this show for the laughs.
There's also a
lesson every week.
[CHUCKLES]
What was tonight's lesson?
Well, Buddy showed us
that when kids mess up...
parents should think back
and see how it's really their fault.
Oh.
Like the time you threw the football
through the window, that was my fault?
Hey, who gave me the football?
- Harriette...
- Mm-hm?
You think the kids
might like me better...
if I dressed more Ivy
League, like Buddy Goodrich?
Carl, you're not Ivy League.
You're bowling league.
But don't worry, the kids know
you're a great father. We all do.
Thanks, Harriette.
Well, I believe I'll have me a shot
of mineral oil and then hit the sack.
I'll get it, Mother Winslow.
By the way, Carl, did you get good seats
for the Buddy Goodrich one-man show?
No, Mama. I didn't get the
tickets at all. I've been too busy.
With what?
Oh, nothing much. Just robberies,
high-speed chases, shootouts.
And what about your
lunch hour, honey?
Okay, Mama. I'll pick
up the tickets tomorrow.
And, Carl, spring for
some decent seats this time.
Yeah. When you took us to
see the Gladys Knight show...
we sat so far back I
couldn't even see The Pips.
Excuse me. Heh. I was on
my way to the box office...
and I noticed a black convertible
parked in the handicapped spot.
- You know whose it is?
- Yeah, that's Buddy Goodrich's car.
- Really? That's his car?
- Mm-hm.
Wow. Listen, I'm pressed for time, so
would you mind telling him to move it?
I'm on a break. Sorry.
That's his dressing room there.
- Thanks.
- Yep.
- Can I help you, officer?
- Sorry to bother you.
But Mr. Goodrich's car is
parked in a handicapped spot.
- I'd appreciate somebody moving it.
- Of course. Let me just get the keys.
Hey, jack.
Wow.
You're Buddy Goodrich.
My family watches you every
week. They think you're the greatest.
I know. I know. I know.
Gee, you're much taller on TV.
That's because on the show, I'm always
standing next to those little runt orphans.
[LAUGHS]
That is good. Ha-ha-ha.
Oh, I can't believe this.
Mr. Goodrich, after you move the car,
can I get your autograph for my kids?
Nobody moves the car.
It stays where it
is. You got that...
Officer Chubbo?
[LAUGHING]
You are one funny guy.
And actually that'd
be Sergeant Chubbo.
But seriously, Mr. Goodrich,
the car has to be moved.
So this is the thanks I
get for doing a charity gig?
I don't need this.
You know, I'm a big star.
Well, fine. Then have
your assistant move the car.
Oh, you don't get it.
That handicapped space
is right by the stage door...
so when I finish the show...
I can get out of this dump
as fast as possible, capisce?
Uh... Listen, Mr. Goodrich...
if you don't move the car...
I'm gonna have to give you a
ticket and have you towed away.
- You are going to do what?
- You heard me.
Look, you don't
seem to understand.
I'm not moving the car and
you are not giving me a ticket.
- Am I getting through?
- Ahem.
You know, Mr. Goodrich, you
ought not shove a police officer.
Oh, that was just tapping.
- This is shoving.
- Now you did that again.
Yeah, I kind of enjoyed it.
- I'm not gonna tell you anymore.
- Didn't like that?
- No.
- Then you're gonna hate this.
Mr. Goodrich, you are under
arrest for assaulting a police officer.
You have the right
to remain silent.
You know, that was really
dumb. You are one first-class idiot.
Oh, really? Well, if I'm so dumb, how
come you're the one wearing the cuffs?
You have the right
to an attorney...
[VOICE FADES OUT]
NEWSCASTER: And now the
Windy City's number-one newscast...
- with the award-winning Robert Alvarez.
- Oh. Hi, everybody.
I'm glad you're all home.
I got something to tell you.
- Not now, Carl, we're watching the news.
- Did you hear?
Some wacko cop
arrested Buddy Goodrich.
Well, I'd like to talk
to you about that.
- You see, what happened...
- Quiet, Carl.
No, no, I'm still
performing tomorrow night.
Of course, after the
way I was roughed up...
the next time I come to town I'll
remember to bring a stuntman.
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHING]
Oh, what a guy. He can
still laugh at a time like this.
I know what happened
to Buddy Goodrich.
We'd rather hear from
somebody who was there.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER TV]
No, I don't know why
this officer attacked me.
But my assistant, Roger, will
verify that it was totally unprovoked.
And I just want you to know that I don't
blame the city or the Police Department.
There's only one person
that I hold responsible.
One bad apple. One rogue cop.
Officer Carl Winslow.
It was you?
You arrested Buddy Goodrich?
Well, yeah.
Way to go, Carl.
You arrested
America's favorite dad?
How could you do this to me?
To you?
Carl, I know you wouldn't have arrested
the man unless you had a good reason.
I wanna hear this.
Look, I politely asked the man to
move his car out of a handicapped spot.
But he went crazy.
He took a swing at me.
That's it?
That's plenty.
Look, just because the man is nice on
TV does not mean that he's nice in person.
Dad, you busted the most
popular guy in America.
I say we move.
- Yeah, let's move to Canada.
- I'm with you.
All right, I didn't expect
the kids to understand...
- but you understand, Mama, don't you?
- Oh, yeah, I understand.
You were in a tight
spot and you choked.
Okay, Mama.
We believe you, Carl.
Don't we, Rachel?
Of course we do.
Carl, I love you. You're my
brother-in-law. Why wouldn't I believe?
Of course, you're not
Buddy Goodrich's biggest fan.
And maybe you went there
with a chip on your shoulder.
But, basically, I believe you.
More or less.
[SIGHS]
Oh, Carl, did you see the paper?
[GROWLS] Yeah.
It wasn't a very good picture...
but then it wasn't a real good reason
to be in the paper. But, hey, front page.
Are we gonna eat soon?
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I'll get it.
- Hello.
- It's Buddy Goodrich.
Is this the Winslow residence?
Yes.
May I come in?
[MOUTHING]
Yes.
Thank you.
I'm Buddy Goodrich.
And you are...?
I'm Harriette Winslow...
and these are my children,
Eddie, Laura and Judy Winslow.
And that's my
mother-in-law, Mrs. Winslow.
- Ah.
- And I think you know my husband, Carl.
Uh... We've met.
You have a
beautiful family, Carl.
Carl, how can you arrest a man
who says you got a beautiful family?
I just came over to say how
sorry I am about what happened.
As a little token of my feelings, I've
brought some tickets to my show tonight.
[FAMILY GASPING THEN CHATTERING]
Uh, uh. I'm sorry, Mr. Goodrich,
but we can't make it.
Oh, come on, Dad.
Now, now, now, if that's what
he says, that's the way it goes.
Show him respect.
He's your father.
Thank you,
Mr. Goodrich. Thank you.
I understand what you're
going through right now.
When something like
this gets in the press,
there's no telling
how they'll blow it up.
Hi, I'm Rachel.
It's nice to meet you again.
You know, I can only imagine
how proud you must be of Carl.
He has a very...
He has a very difficult
job and he does it so well.
That's very nice of you to
say, Mr. Goodrich. Thank you.
Now I've always said that what
separates us from the animals...
is that we have the ability to
settle our differences peacefully.
Well, that and we know
how to use chopsticks.
[FAMILY LAUGHING]
He's wonderful.
He kills me.
So, Carl, do you think we could speak
privately? It will just take a minute.
- Oh, well, I...
- Yes, Daddy.
Okay, we can go
talk in the kitchen.
Ah.
Oh!
Row A.
Is that good?
Thanks for speaking with me.
Well, I appreciate what
you said in front of my family.
It's all true.
Carl, look, I'd like to solve our
little problem before I leave town.
Isn't there something we can do?
Sure, you could tell the truth,
plead guilty and pay your fine.
Yeah, that's an option.
Not what I had in mind.
Well, that's the best I can do.
Don't be so hasty.
This will be a very
tough case for you to win.
I know. I date one of the
actresses on L.A. Law.
Well, you may be right, Mr. Goodrich,
but I know what happened.
Carl, do you really want to take on
America's favorite dad in front of a jury?
Mr. Goodrich, would you
get to the bottom line on this?
Okay.
I want you to come backstage
after my show for a press conference.
You change your story.
I'll praise you as a dedicated
public servant and we both look good.
I can't do that, Mr. Goodrich. You
see, you assaulted a police officer.
But that's not what my assistant
is gonna say on the witness stand.
He'll say that he saw the
whole thing and you started it.
Oh, I see.
So, what you're gonna have
him do is lie, commit perjury?
Those are such ugly words, Carl.
They're true, but
still, they're very ugly.
Mr. Goodrich, it's time for
you to go. I'll see you in court.
Carl, don't be so short-sighted.
Look, I've got an idea.
Just pitching here...
but what if we do an episode on
my show about our little incident...
and I hire you as a
technical advisor for a fee of...
two thousand dollars?
How's that sound?
Sounds like you're
offering me a bribe.
Ooh. "Bribe." Another ugly word.
Carl!
I am trying to do you a favor.
But what is your problem?
I'll tell you what my
problem is, Mr. Goodrich.
I can't shave with
my eyes closed.
What's that supposed to mean?
It means that I have to look at
myself every day in the mirror.
Mm-hm.
Sure, I'd love to get
this thing over with.
But if I gave in to you,
I couldn't face myself.
I couldn't face my kids, either.
You see, Mr. Goodrich, I've always
tried to teach them right from wrong.
I'm a good father
and a good cop.
I don't back down
when I know I'm right.
And I don't take bribes
from the likes of you.
Now get out of my house.
Okay.
Three thousand dollars.
Get out. Now.
Okay, but you are
making a big mistake.
I am going to bury you in court.
Hey, everybody.
[LAUGHS]
Rachel, right?
Right.
Well, uh...
gotta run. Ha-ha-ha.
Excuse me.
It was very nice
meeting everyone.
The pleasure was all yours.
[LAUGHING]
That's good.
So, well, really... I
really do have to run.
Mr. Goodrich, you forgot something.
We won't be needing these tickets.
You know...
[ALL CHEER]
- You were wonderful.
- I am so proud of you.
- Aren't you proud?
- I am. That is my son.
I sure hope this is the last
day of that Goodrich trial.
These last couple of weeks
have been tough on Carl.
Yeah. I hate the way he looks
in those courtroom sketches.
[LAUGHS]
- Hi, everybody.
- Hey, hi.
- How did the Goodrich trial go?
- It's over. They found him guilty.
Goodrich's assistant broke
down and told the truth.
- No.
- Goodrich fired him on the spot.
And then he punched
out his lawyer. Ha-ha-ha.
- Is he going to jail?
- No, Mama.
He has to pay a big fine, spend 100 hours
picking up trash along the interstate.
Oh, a big star like that picking
up garbage? Honey, I love it.
Now, Rachel, that's not nice.
Mama's right. We shouldn't take
pleasure in someone else's misery.
Anybody for a slow
drive along the interstate?
[ALL LAUGHING]
I'll get the camera.
This is gonna be great.
[ENGLISH SDH]