Family Guy (1998–…): Season 16, Episode 11 - Dog Bites Bear - full transcript
Stewie and Brian have a falling out; Peter refuses to wash his hand after meeting his favorite cereal mascot.
# It seems today that all you see
# Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
# But where are those
good old-fashioned values
# On which we used to rely?
# Lucky there's a family guy
# Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
# All the things that make us
# Laugh and cry
# He's a family guy #
COMMENTATOR:
'Wide open in the end zone.
Touchdown Patriots.
Beautiful pass by Tom Brady.'
Yeah, Brady!
He's awesome.
I can't believe Giselle
gets to sleep with him.
I wish I was a supermodel.
Hey, it's a commercial.
Jerome, switch over to the Red Zone.
Screw that.
I say we put on the Bone Zone.
What's that?
Oh, it's awesome.
They show every sex scene on TV
without all the boring dialogue
and plot.
OK, once again nothing is
happening on Homeland,
but over on Masters of Sex,
Lizzie is hooked up to electrodes
and getting it from a guy who
sounds American, but probably isn't.
Hey, we're gonna
split the screens now
because my producer is telling me
on Game of Thrones
we got a malnourished Albino
ploughing a girl in tub
as he names dragons.
Oh, there's a Bone Zone alert
for Girls,
which we'll ignore cos it's
Gabby Hoffman Donald Ducking it.
Last time we went to that
we lost a lot of subscribers.
And we're keeping an eye on
The Nick.
We don't wanna bring you dead boobs,
but if they're alive, we'll get you
over there. (PHONE BLEEPS)
Oh, crap. It's almost three.
I gotta get out of here.
For what? It's Sunday. The airline's
making us all attend a seminar
about what to do if someone flies
a drone into your flight path.
I hear that kind of obnoxious
behaviour is big right now
in the dangerous idiot community.
Really?
I didn't see that in the newsletter
this month. Just an article about
how to tailgate a speeding
fire truck to get places faster.
(SIREN WAILS)
(GIGGLES)
Wait till they get to
the golf course
and find out there's no fire.
No. It's a serious problem.
Nowadays any moron could just order
a drone online. Oh.
There's no regulation.
Oh!
And most of them have cameras so
people can spy on whoever they want
and invade their privacy.
Ohh!
Peter, are you ordering a drone
right now? You bet your ass I am.
Owning a drone is gonna be a blast.
Even more fun than when
I had breakfast in bread.
Hi, Lois. It's a great morning,
no matter how you slice it.
Yeah, I don't know
what this is, Peter,
but we're four months behind
on our mortgage.
Well, that's odd.
It's not like we're short on dough.
I'm taking the kids and I'm staying
at my parents' for a while.
That's the yeast of my concerns.
Oh, Brian. You finally made it.
I'm having a tea party. Sit down.
Yeah, you texted me like 80 times.
Look, Stewie,
I don't have time to sip air
and pretend to eat a wooden
hamburger patty. Yeah?
Tell me why you don't have time.
All right. I have time.
And there's nothing pretend
about this. Real tea, real milk,
and the best honey you'll ever taste
in your whole life.
Wow. This is good.
Where'd you buy the honey?
I didn't. I'm raising bees.
You're raising bees?
Like a beekeeper?
Yup.
Mom missed soccer registration,
so this is my weekends.
Mm. I gotta say, you're good at it.
You know, you could probably
sell this stuff. Really?
You think it's that good?
Yeah. Plus it's local.
It's straight from the hive.
People at farmers' markets
would go nuts for this.
You could probably charge
like $20-$30 a jar.
Now I'm excited about this, Brian.
I feel like an eighth grader
who just had sex.
So, you go all the way?
Oh, yeah.
I'm gonna need some proof.
Hm, how can I prove it?
Maybe with Father O'Leary's briefs.
Ohh!
The king!
He said he loved me.
All right. Time to take flight,
Drone of Arcadia.
Oh, Amber Tamblyn.
I love that show.
Now married to David Cross.
Can I have a turn? I wanna turn.
No. Hey, does Cleveland
have a bald spot?
No.
Hey, what's this do?
Check it out. Here comes a hawk.
(SCREECHES)
Uh-oh, what's happening?
(HAWK SCREECHES)
Ah, no!
I don't think this is consensual!
Look at that pervert squirrel
just watching.
Oh, crap, it's busted and
I bet it's completely traumatised.
I wasn't traumatised, actually.
It was planned.
Part of the games we play.
I've been a bad drone.
(KNOCKING)
Peter, you've been knocking a while.
I don't think anyone's in there.
Yeah, look at this mail.
Maybe he's on vacation or something.
Oh, my God. He's dead and his face
and earlobes are missing!
(CAT MEOWS)
(ALL SCREAM)
Oh, that's a relief.
It's just the cat that ate his face
and ears off.
So, Brian, this is my hive.
Now, how many bees
do you think are in here?
I don't know. A million?
No, it's 4,000.
Now that seems like nothing
because of your idiot million guess.
All right, now, if you're going to
sell honey at the farmers' market,
you need to practise.
So you be the salesman
and I'll be the customer.
Ooh! What do we have here?
Uh...honey. Like the sign says.
I find your attitude cavalier.
May I speak to your manager?
Stewie, come on.
I'm sorry, is there a problem here?
I was in the back and I heard
a commotion. How do we have a back?
I simply came here
to enquire about honey
and your employee spoke to me loudly
and with profanity.
Stewie, this is ridiculous.
Brian, please.
I trust that
this handsome young customer
knows what he's talking about.
Oh, my! And I thought
only bees pour on the honey!
I'm going inside.
So are you from around here?
No, I'm just in town
for the John Singer Sergeant exhibit
at the museum. (GASPS) Really?
I've been looking for an excuse
to go again.
Looks like I won't need
that audio tour. Great.
Give me one minute.
Let me text my fiancee. Your what?
That was Bonnie. She said they
already sold the house behind us.
Poor Mr Seagull.
(MUSIC BLARES) (CHEERING)
What the hell is that?
(MUSIC BLARES)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Oh, God, please don't let that
be our new neighbours.
What is it? Some kind of crazy van
with the number 87 on the side.
87?
That's not a van, Lois.
That's a party bus!
Rob Gronkowski's party bus!
Who's that? Only the star tight end
of the New England Patriots
and America's most athletic Polish!
(MUSIC BLARES)
(CHEERING)
Did you guys see?
Oh, my God, that was Rob Gronkowski!
(HEAVY BREATHING)
Am I running?
Is this what running is?
I hate it.
What's up, buttmunchers?
That's us.
He called us buttmunchers.
We're buttmunchers!
(ALL CHEER)
All right, time to gronk a dump
in my new house.
Oh, my God,
our new neighbour is Gronk!
Hey, I'm your new mailman.
Former star of the Incredible Hulk,
Lou Ferrigno.
On any other day
that would be so exciting.
Please, give me my mail and go.
What the hell are you doing?
I wanted to bring over something to
welcome Gronk to the neighbourhood,
so I scraped all the cool ranch
off of 15 bags of Doritos.
You're bringing him a bowl
of powder? Yeah.
I thought he could eat it by
the fistful or rub it on his balls.
I don't know what you're
so excited about.
Rob Gronkowski is probably the worst
neighbour we could ask for.
You know he's gonna be partying
day and night.
It's not like it's that
tasty piece of ass, Julian Edelman.
Now, there's a Patriot
you can get excited about.
I know he's a wide receiver,
but if he's giving, I'm taking.
I'll take it all.
I'll take it wherever!
(SIGHS)
Anyway, go suck up to
your big, dumb monster.
I'll be here hooking the G
to thoughts of Edelman.
(DOORBELL CHIMES)
So what'd you get him, Cleveland?
Oreo middles.
Whoa, four standing dogs?
No. We're people, sir.
Um...Mr Gronk, I'm Peter Griffin.
I live in the house behind yours.
We wanted to welcome you to
the neighbourhood. Awesome!
Ah-ha! He spiked it!
I was hoping he would do that!
My eyes!
Hey, you guys seem great.
You wanna come in
and eat pizza standing up?
Uh...yeah.
Cool.
You mind if I call you all Grover?
I don't like learning names.
Yeah, sure, that'd be sweet.
Well, come on in, Grover.
(GASPS) He knows my name!
(SPORT PLAYS ON TELEVISION)
Oh, my God, you guys, having
Gronk here is gonna be the best.
Kind of like those years
when it was just Marley and me.
Hey, my dog's chewing up
that thing I need.
Hey, my dirty dog's jumping in
the neighbour's pool.
Wait, Marley,
don't shake your wet fur
in the middle of this fancy party.
I'm gonna lay down these
work blueprints on the floor
and I sure hope you don't walk
across them with muddy paws.
Marley!
Oh, my nightmare dog is dead.
Marley and me.
(MUSIC BLARES)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Workout room, kegerator cellar,
another workout room,
and over here's a room that's just
got a lit candle on a bale of hay.
Is that just cos of the danger?
That's exactly why.
My dumb wife won't let me have
a room like that.
Do you have a wife?
(LAUGHS)
(BOTH LAUGH)
What's going on?
Let's go check out the hot tub.
Check it out.
My hot tub is filled with coffee.
Grab a doughnut. Go to town.
Sponsored by Dunkin' Donuts.
And the pool is filled with
my favourite food,
soup with little shapes in it.
Sponsored by Campbell's Soup.
Oh, alphabet soup
is my favourite, too.
What's an "elbofet"? Nothing.
What you said is not anything.
And check out the shower.
Ultra Sunrise Monster energy drink.
Sponsored by Monster Energy Drink.
Why do you keep saying
what things are sponsored by?
My manager said if I don't,
I won't go to heaven.
Sponsored by SMS Audio
sweat-proof sport headphones.
Well, you were right.
The farmers' market is wonderful.
You've got your yoga pants moms.
You've got your mixed-race kids
riding a pony.
A confused Jerome.
What is this?
A vegetable parking lot?
Now, remember to tell customers
that this honey is farm to table.
We're not a restaurant.
That doesn't make any sense.
Doesn't have to.
Say "anything to anything",
people lose their minds.
Just so you know,
this is all grass to bottle.
Ooh!
I know, right? That'll be $68.
Is this a superfood?
Total superfood. Full of GMOs.
GMOs are bad.
No GMOs whatsoever.
Amazing.
Wow. This is great.
We've only been here an hour
and we're almost totally sold out.
Yes. I didn't see that coming.
Just like Dan Cortez didn't see
the end of the '90s coming.
ALL: Three, two, one!
Happy New Year!
Dan Cortez was the only thing
in the entire world affected by Y2K.
(MUSIC BLARES)
(CHEERING)
Grovers, you made it.
Here, have a beer. Thanks.
Hey, Gronk, there's something
I always wanted to ask you.
When you know
you have single coverage,
do you give a hand signal to Brady
or is it just eye contact?
I don't know. Wanna see me dance?
I ask because sometimes
you're being covered by a little guy
and then you and Brady
will look at each other and...
Am I supposed to touch you?
What am I..?
What am I doing here?
Oh, I'm sorry, bro.
What was the question?
I just wanna know if you
and Brady have like...
a secret hand signal or something.
Whoa, that is top secret.
But lean in and I'll tell you.
(BURPS)
How rude!
Hey, wanna meet my family?
These are my brothers.
Actually, one of them is my dad.
I'm not sure which.
Probably the grey-haired one
with the whiskey-face sunburn.
Oh, it's an honour to meet you, sir.
You must be very proud.
Hell, yeah.
I think every dad's dream is
taking his son's sloppy seconds.
Is your mom here, too?
They don't have a mom.
My ex-wife raised them,
God bless her.
But genetically they're a product of
me blamming onto a side of beef.
All right,
since we sold out so fast,
we've gotta make these bees
more productive.
Get them to make more honey.
How are we gonna do that?
Steroids, Brian.
This here is the same stuff
that turned Barry Bond's head
into a prize-winning squash.
OK, how much are we supposed to
give them? Hm...
It says this is enough for a horse,
so I don't know.
How many bees is a horse?
You can't fit a horse in this box,
so I'd just use the whole thing.
That makes sense.
Barry Bond says
that's too much steroids.
Time for bed, Barry.
(MUSIC BLARES)
(CHEERING)
God, they're still going?
Peter, this is exactly
what I told you would happen.
Not so much fun any more, is it?
(APPLAUSE)
Oh, thank God.
Maybe they're wrapping it up.
Noise! Noise! Loud noise noise!
And a civil war cannon!
(EXPLOSION)
Damn it! I can't take any more!
He is the worst neighbour ever.
You won't believe
what he did yesterday.
ROB: Hey, Grover, catch!
(MUSIC BLARES)
Uh...listen, Gronk,
um...it's getting kind of late.
Don't you think maybe it's time
to call it a night? Yeah, sure.
Hey, you ever seen a nard explode?
A what? A what? A nard? I don't...
Is that something on the internet?
Cos I...
Oh, damn it! What the hell?!
(GUESTS LAUGH)
MAN: Nice shot there.
Come on. Don't get mad, bro.
I was just kidding.
You were kidding?!
What was the joke?!
This was!
Oh, damn it! You hit the seam.
(GUESTS LAUGH)
You know what? You're a jerk, Gronk.
That's it.
I'm getting rid of that bastard,
just like I helped
kick the British out of America.
This tyranny shall not stand.
For without liberty...
Oh, crap! He's even in the cutaways!
Oh, oh, just...
just go to commercial.
I'm gonna squat here
and hold onto this bench.
(MUSIC BLARES)
(CHEERING)
Peter, you gotta
figure something out.
They haven't stopped partying
the whole night.
Yeah!
Gronk!
Party!
I'm the dad!
I'm sorry.
You were right all along.
But don't worry,
I'll take care of it.
Well, you better do something soon.
I can't live like this. I know.
He's more annoying than going to
an Italian restaurant
with someone who's been to Italy.
They call this a trattoria?
More like a ristorante to me.
Look at that fresco!
It's supposed to be
the hills of Elba.
Not once you've seen them.
Are you ready to order? Si.
Let me handle this, Peter.
Two spaghettis
and a chicken fingers.
God, look at all the honey
the bees made.
Those steroids were
a great idea, Stewie.
Hey, look.
That bee is trying to get our honey.
OK, Mr Bee, we'll give you
the employee discount.
After all... Argh!
Holy crap.
That thing just lifted
a whole jar of honey.
Oh, God. Do you think that's
one of our steroid bees?
Well, this one's wearing
a hoodie as a shirt,
so, yeah, I think these are ours.
Stewie, I have a bad feeling...
Oh, God, it just ate the other bee!
OK, so a few of them
had a bad reaction to...
Oh, crap.
Oh, my God! Brian, run!
I think maybe giving
those bees steroids was a bad idea.
(GASPS)
Turn on the wipers!
(BOTH SCREAM)
You sure this is gonna work, Peter?
Absolutely.
Gronk went to
the University of Arizona
and everyone who went to
the University of Arizona
believes leprechauns are real.
And since Cleveland already owns
a green suit and a top hat...
This is my Easter clothes.
(DOORBELL CHIMES)
Whoa, a leprechaun!
Say the thing.
Top of the morning to you,
Mr Gronkowski.
Have you any interest in
a pot of gold?
All you have to do
is move to Tallahassee.
Wait a minute.
This is just a disguise.
Argh, son of bitch!
What's going on here? Are you guys
trying to get rid of me?
Yeah, we're trying
to get rid of you. Why?
Cos you're a pain in the ass
to live next to.
I mean, what the hell, Gronk?
Why you gotta be like this?
You're a millionaire. You have
the sweetest job in the world.
You can do whatever you want.
Why you gotta act like such an idiot
all the time?
It's not a choice, Grover,
but rather an obligation.
You see, I've been groomed for this
my entire life.
Scoring touchdowns,
making people laugh,
punishing my body,
enduring the pain,
all in the name of entertainment.
Don't you understand?
I'm a commodity, a product,
a modern-day gladiator.
You ask about the whys
and the wherefores
behind the boorish facade,
the answer is simple -
I play the jester because
society deems it necessary.
Also I'm (BLEEP) insane.
(LAUGHS) Eat a butt, fatty.
Gronk ain't going nowhere.
Oh, that's it.
Oh, cool. We're fighting.
You guys mind if I eat
while I beat you up?
What the hell are we supposed
to do? We're surrounded.
Hang on, I got this.
Meg, come outside.
We have pink berry.
(SCREAMS) Stop. Stop it.
All right, they're distracted.
Let's go.
Quick! We just have to get rid
of the queen.
She's in the hive.
What's that gonna do?
The bees instinctively
stay with the queen,
so if she's gone,
they'll follow her. OK, great.
But how are we gonna do it?
You guys are bad fighters.
That's his third sub.
Oh, cool, honey rain!
Argh! Oh, my God, is that a bee?
You have bees here?
Uh...yeah. It's the world.
Holy crap, there's a ton of them!
Dad, start up the party bus.
We're moving!
DAD: Bees?
Yeah, bees.
And they're showing blitz.
We gotta leave on two!
(DANCE MUSIC BLARES)
(TYRES SQUEAL)
You think their Wi-Fi is vag-town?
Yeah, that's probably them.
Look at that, no password.
Oh, thank goodness, we finally have
our neighbourhood back.
Yeah, now maybe
Wilson can move back in
and give me homespun wisdom
over the fence.
Peter, that was Home Improvement.
It's exhausting that you never just
go with something I say.
Coming up, yesterday's brisket.
(BURPS AND BLOWS)
But first, breaking news.
Rob Gronkowski has been suspended
from the Patriots
following a failed drug test
that showed evidence of steroids
in his system.
The star athlete claims
he has no idea
how the banned substance
got into his body.
Oh, no way!
That's terrible.
'When pressed for further comment,
Mr Gronkowski said simply,
"Grover, go long."'
Uh-oh.
subtitles by Deluxe
.
# Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
# But where are those
good old-fashioned values
# On which we used to rely?
# Lucky there's a family guy
# Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
# All the things that make us
# Laugh and cry
# He's a family guy #
COMMENTATOR:
'Wide open in the end zone.
Touchdown Patriots.
Beautiful pass by Tom Brady.'
Yeah, Brady!
He's awesome.
I can't believe Giselle
gets to sleep with him.
I wish I was a supermodel.
Hey, it's a commercial.
Jerome, switch over to the Red Zone.
Screw that.
I say we put on the Bone Zone.
What's that?
Oh, it's awesome.
They show every sex scene on TV
without all the boring dialogue
and plot.
OK, once again nothing is
happening on Homeland,
but over on Masters of Sex,
Lizzie is hooked up to electrodes
and getting it from a guy who
sounds American, but probably isn't.
Hey, we're gonna
split the screens now
because my producer is telling me
on Game of Thrones
we got a malnourished Albino
ploughing a girl in tub
as he names dragons.
Oh, there's a Bone Zone alert
for Girls,
which we'll ignore cos it's
Gabby Hoffman Donald Ducking it.
Last time we went to that
we lost a lot of subscribers.
And we're keeping an eye on
The Nick.
We don't wanna bring you dead boobs,
but if they're alive, we'll get you
over there. (PHONE BLEEPS)
Oh, crap. It's almost three.
I gotta get out of here.
For what? It's Sunday. The airline's
making us all attend a seminar
about what to do if someone flies
a drone into your flight path.
I hear that kind of obnoxious
behaviour is big right now
in the dangerous idiot community.
Really?
I didn't see that in the newsletter
this month. Just an article about
how to tailgate a speeding
fire truck to get places faster.
(SIREN WAILS)
(GIGGLES)
Wait till they get to
the golf course
and find out there's no fire.
No. It's a serious problem.
Nowadays any moron could just order
a drone online. Oh.
There's no regulation.
Oh!
And most of them have cameras so
people can spy on whoever they want
and invade their privacy.
Ohh!
Peter, are you ordering a drone
right now? You bet your ass I am.
Owning a drone is gonna be a blast.
Even more fun than when
I had breakfast in bread.
Hi, Lois. It's a great morning,
no matter how you slice it.
Yeah, I don't know
what this is, Peter,
but we're four months behind
on our mortgage.
Well, that's odd.
It's not like we're short on dough.
I'm taking the kids and I'm staying
at my parents' for a while.
That's the yeast of my concerns.
Oh, Brian. You finally made it.
I'm having a tea party. Sit down.
Yeah, you texted me like 80 times.
Look, Stewie,
I don't have time to sip air
and pretend to eat a wooden
hamburger patty. Yeah?
Tell me why you don't have time.
All right. I have time.
And there's nothing pretend
about this. Real tea, real milk,
and the best honey you'll ever taste
in your whole life.
Wow. This is good.
Where'd you buy the honey?
I didn't. I'm raising bees.
You're raising bees?
Like a beekeeper?
Yup.
Mom missed soccer registration,
so this is my weekends.
Mm. I gotta say, you're good at it.
You know, you could probably
sell this stuff. Really?
You think it's that good?
Yeah. Plus it's local.
It's straight from the hive.
People at farmers' markets
would go nuts for this.
You could probably charge
like $20-$30 a jar.
Now I'm excited about this, Brian.
I feel like an eighth grader
who just had sex.
So, you go all the way?
Oh, yeah.
I'm gonna need some proof.
Hm, how can I prove it?
Maybe with Father O'Leary's briefs.
Ohh!
The king!
He said he loved me.
All right. Time to take flight,
Drone of Arcadia.
Oh, Amber Tamblyn.
I love that show.
Now married to David Cross.
Can I have a turn? I wanna turn.
No. Hey, does Cleveland
have a bald spot?
No.
Hey, what's this do?
Check it out. Here comes a hawk.
(SCREECHES)
Uh-oh, what's happening?
(HAWK SCREECHES)
Ah, no!
I don't think this is consensual!
Look at that pervert squirrel
just watching.
Oh, crap, it's busted and
I bet it's completely traumatised.
I wasn't traumatised, actually.
It was planned.
Part of the games we play.
I've been a bad drone.
(KNOCKING)
Peter, you've been knocking a while.
I don't think anyone's in there.
Yeah, look at this mail.
Maybe he's on vacation or something.
Oh, my God. He's dead and his face
and earlobes are missing!
(CAT MEOWS)
(ALL SCREAM)
Oh, that's a relief.
It's just the cat that ate his face
and ears off.
So, Brian, this is my hive.
Now, how many bees
do you think are in here?
I don't know. A million?
No, it's 4,000.
Now that seems like nothing
because of your idiot million guess.
All right, now, if you're going to
sell honey at the farmers' market,
you need to practise.
So you be the salesman
and I'll be the customer.
Ooh! What do we have here?
Uh...honey. Like the sign says.
I find your attitude cavalier.
May I speak to your manager?
Stewie, come on.
I'm sorry, is there a problem here?
I was in the back and I heard
a commotion. How do we have a back?
I simply came here
to enquire about honey
and your employee spoke to me loudly
and with profanity.
Stewie, this is ridiculous.
Brian, please.
I trust that
this handsome young customer
knows what he's talking about.
Oh, my! And I thought
only bees pour on the honey!
I'm going inside.
So are you from around here?
No, I'm just in town
for the John Singer Sergeant exhibit
at the museum. (GASPS) Really?
I've been looking for an excuse
to go again.
Looks like I won't need
that audio tour. Great.
Give me one minute.
Let me text my fiancee. Your what?
That was Bonnie. She said they
already sold the house behind us.
Poor Mr Seagull.
(MUSIC BLARES) (CHEERING)
What the hell is that?
(MUSIC BLARES)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Oh, God, please don't let that
be our new neighbours.
What is it? Some kind of crazy van
with the number 87 on the side.
87?
That's not a van, Lois.
That's a party bus!
Rob Gronkowski's party bus!
Who's that? Only the star tight end
of the New England Patriots
and America's most athletic Polish!
(MUSIC BLARES)
(CHEERING)
Did you guys see?
Oh, my God, that was Rob Gronkowski!
(HEAVY BREATHING)
Am I running?
Is this what running is?
I hate it.
What's up, buttmunchers?
That's us.
He called us buttmunchers.
We're buttmunchers!
(ALL CHEER)
All right, time to gronk a dump
in my new house.
Oh, my God,
our new neighbour is Gronk!
Hey, I'm your new mailman.
Former star of the Incredible Hulk,
Lou Ferrigno.
On any other day
that would be so exciting.
Please, give me my mail and go.
What the hell are you doing?
I wanted to bring over something to
welcome Gronk to the neighbourhood,
so I scraped all the cool ranch
off of 15 bags of Doritos.
You're bringing him a bowl
of powder? Yeah.
I thought he could eat it by
the fistful or rub it on his balls.
I don't know what you're
so excited about.
Rob Gronkowski is probably the worst
neighbour we could ask for.
You know he's gonna be partying
day and night.
It's not like it's that
tasty piece of ass, Julian Edelman.
Now, there's a Patriot
you can get excited about.
I know he's a wide receiver,
but if he's giving, I'm taking.
I'll take it all.
I'll take it wherever!
(SIGHS)
Anyway, go suck up to
your big, dumb monster.
I'll be here hooking the G
to thoughts of Edelman.
(DOORBELL CHIMES)
So what'd you get him, Cleveland?
Oreo middles.
Whoa, four standing dogs?
No. We're people, sir.
Um...Mr Gronk, I'm Peter Griffin.
I live in the house behind yours.
We wanted to welcome you to
the neighbourhood. Awesome!
Ah-ha! He spiked it!
I was hoping he would do that!
My eyes!
Hey, you guys seem great.
You wanna come in
and eat pizza standing up?
Uh...yeah.
Cool.
You mind if I call you all Grover?
I don't like learning names.
Yeah, sure, that'd be sweet.
Well, come on in, Grover.
(GASPS) He knows my name!
(SPORT PLAYS ON TELEVISION)
Oh, my God, you guys, having
Gronk here is gonna be the best.
Kind of like those years
when it was just Marley and me.
Hey, my dog's chewing up
that thing I need.
Hey, my dirty dog's jumping in
the neighbour's pool.
Wait, Marley,
don't shake your wet fur
in the middle of this fancy party.
I'm gonna lay down these
work blueprints on the floor
and I sure hope you don't walk
across them with muddy paws.
Marley!
Oh, my nightmare dog is dead.
Marley and me.
(MUSIC BLARES)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Workout room, kegerator cellar,
another workout room,
and over here's a room that's just
got a lit candle on a bale of hay.
Is that just cos of the danger?
That's exactly why.
My dumb wife won't let me have
a room like that.
Do you have a wife?
(LAUGHS)
(BOTH LAUGH)
What's going on?
Let's go check out the hot tub.
Check it out.
My hot tub is filled with coffee.
Grab a doughnut. Go to town.
Sponsored by Dunkin' Donuts.
And the pool is filled with
my favourite food,
soup with little shapes in it.
Sponsored by Campbell's Soup.
Oh, alphabet soup
is my favourite, too.
What's an "elbofet"? Nothing.
What you said is not anything.
And check out the shower.
Ultra Sunrise Monster energy drink.
Sponsored by Monster Energy Drink.
Why do you keep saying
what things are sponsored by?
My manager said if I don't,
I won't go to heaven.
Sponsored by SMS Audio
sweat-proof sport headphones.
Well, you were right.
The farmers' market is wonderful.
You've got your yoga pants moms.
You've got your mixed-race kids
riding a pony.
A confused Jerome.
What is this?
A vegetable parking lot?
Now, remember to tell customers
that this honey is farm to table.
We're not a restaurant.
That doesn't make any sense.
Doesn't have to.
Say "anything to anything",
people lose their minds.
Just so you know,
this is all grass to bottle.
Ooh!
I know, right? That'll be $68.
Is this a superfood?
Total superfood. Full of GMOs.
GMOs are bad.
No GMOs whatsoever.
Amazing.
Wow. This is great.
We've only been here an hour
and we're almost totally sold out.
Yes. I didn't see that coming.
Just like Dan Cortez didn't see
the end of the '90s coming.
ALL: Three, two, one!
Happy New Year!
Dan Cortez was the only thing
in the entire world affected by Y2K.
(MUSIC BLARES)
(CHEERING)
Grovers, you made it.
Here, have a beer. Thanks.
Hey, Gronk, there's something
I always wanted to ask you.
When you know
you have single coverage,
do you give a hand signal to Brady
or is it just eye contact?
I don't know. Wanna see me dance?
I ask because sometimes
you're being covered by a little guy
and then you and Brady
will look at each other and...
Am I supposed to touch you?
What am I..?
What am I doing here?
Oh, I'm sorry, bro.
What was the question?
I just wanna know if you
and Brady have like...
a secret hand signal or something.
Whoa, that is top secret.
But lean in and I'll tell you.
(BURPS)
How rude!
Hey, wanna meet my family?
These are my brothers.
Actually, one of them is my dad.
I'm not sure which.
Probably the grey-haired one
with the whiskey-face sunburn.
Oh, it's an honour to meet you, sir.
You must be very proud.
Hell, yeah.
I think every dad's dream is
taking his son's sloppy seconds.
Is your mom here, too?
They don't have a mom.
My ex-wife raised them,
God bless her.
But genetically they're a product of
me blamming onto a side of beef.
All right,
since we sold out so fast,
we've gotta make these bees
more productive.
Get them to make more honey.
How are we gonna do that?
Steroids, Brian.
This here is the same stuff
that turned Barry Bond's head
into a prize-winning squash.
OK, how much are we supposed to
give them? Hm...
It says this is enough for a horse,
so I don't know.
How many bees is a horse?
You can't fit a horse in this box,
so I'd just use the whole thing.
That makes sense.
Barry Bond says
that's too much steroids.
Time for bed, Barry.
(MUSIC BLARES)
(CHEERING)
God, they're still going?
Peter, this is exactly
what I told you would happen.
Not so much fun any more, is it?
(APPLAUSE)
Oh, thank God.
Maybe they're wrapping it up.
Noise! Noise! Loud noise noise!
And a civil war cannon!
(EXPLOSION)
Damn it! I can't take any more!
He is the worst neighbour ever.
You won't believe
what he did yesterday.
ROB: Hey, Grover, catch!
(MUSIC BLARES)
Uh...listen, Gronk,
um...it's getting kind of late.
Don't you think maybe it's time
to call it a night? Yeah, sure.
Hey, you ever seen a nard explode?
A what? A what? A nard? I don't...
Is that something on the internet?
Cos I...
Oh, damn it! What the hell?!
(GUESTS LAUGH)
MAN: Nice shot there.
Come on. Don't get mad, bro.
I was just kidding.
You were kidding?!
What was the joke?!
This was!
Oh, damn it! You hit the seam.
(GUESTS LAUGH)
You know what? You're a jerk, Gronk.
That's it.
I'm getting rid of that bastard,
just like I helped
kick the British out of America.
This tyranny shall not stand.
For without liberty...
Oh, crap! He's even in the cutaways!
Oh, oh, just...
just go to commercial.
I'm gonna squat here
and hold onto this bench.
(MUSIC BLARES)
(CHEERING)
Peter, you gotta
figure something out.
They haven't stopped partying
the whole night.
Yeah!
Gronk!
Party!
I'm the dad!
I'm sorry.
You were right all along.
But don't worry,
I'll take care of it.
Well, you better do something soon.
I can't live like this. I know.
He's more annoying than going to
an Italian restaurant
with someone who's been to Italy.
They call this a trattoria?
More like a ristorante to me.
Look at that fresco!
It's supposed to be
the hills of Elba.
Not once you've seen them.
Are you ready to order? Si.
Let me handle this, Peter.
Two spaghettis
and a chicken fingers.
God, look at all the honey
the bees made.
Those steroids were
a great idea, Stewie.
Hey, look.
That bee is trying to get our honey.
OK, Mr Bee, we'll give you
the employee discount.
After all... Argh!
Holy crap.
That thing just lifted
a whole jar of honey.
Oh, God. Do you think that's
one of our steroid bees?
Well, this one's wearing
a hoodie as a shirt,
so, yeah, I think these are ours.
Stewie, I have a bad feeling...
Oh, God, it just ate the other bee!
OK, so a few of them
had a bad reaction to...
Oh, crap.
Oh, my God! Brian, run!
I think maybe giving
those bees steroids was a bad idea.
(GASPS)
Turn on the wipers!
(BOTH SCREAM)
You sure this is gonna work, Peter?
Absolutely.
Gronk went to
the University of Arizona
and everyone who went to
the University of Arizona
believes leprechauns are real.
And since Cleveland already owns
a green suit and a top hat...
This is my Easter clothes.
(DOORBELL CHIMES)
Whoa, a leprechaun!
Say the thing.
Top of the morning to you,
Mr Gronkowski.
Have you any interest in
a pot of gold?
All you have to do
is move to Tallahassee.
Wait a minute.
This is just a disguise.
Argh, son of bitch!
What's going on here? Are you guys
trying to get rid of me?
Yeah, we're trying
to get rid of you. Why?
Cos you're a pain in the ass
to live next to.
I mean, what the hell, Gronk?
Why you gotta be like this?
You're a millionaire. You have
the sweetest job in the world.
You can do whatever you want.
Why you gotta act like such an idiot
all the time?
It's not a choice, Grover,
but rather an obligation.
You see, I've been groomed for this
my entire life.
Scoring touchdowns,
making people laugh,
punishing my body,
enduring the pain,
all in the name of entertainment.
Don't you understand?
I'm a commodity, a product,
a modern-day gladiator.
You ask about the whys
and the wherefores
behind the boorish facade,
the answer is simple -
I play the jester because
society deems it necessary.
Also I'm (BLEEP) insane.
(LAUGHS) Eat a butt, fatty.
Gronk ain't going nowhere.
Oh, that's it.
Oh, cool. We're fighting.
You guys mind if I eat
while I beat you up?
What the hell are we supposed
to do? We're surrounded.
Hang on, I got this.
Meg, come outside.
We have pink berry.
(SCREAMS) Stop. Stop it.
All right, they're distracted.
Let's go.
Quick! We just have to get rid
of the queen.
She's in the hive.
What's that gonna do?
The bees instinctively
stay with the queen,
so if she's gone,
they'll follow her. OK, great.
But how are we gonna do it?
You guys are bad fighters.
That's his third sub.
Oh, cool, honey rain!
Argh! Oh, my God, is that a bee?
You have bees here?
Uh...yeah. It's the world.
Holy crap, there's a ton of them!
Dad, start up the party bus.
We're moving!
DAD: Bees?
Yeah, bees.
And they're showing blitz.
We gotta leave on two!
(DANCE MUSIC BLARES)
(TYRES SQUEAL)
You think their Wi-Fi is vag-town?
Yeah, that's probably them.
Look at that, no password.
Oh, thank goodness, we finally have
our neighbourhood back.
Yeah, now maybe
Wilson can move back in
and give me homespun wisdom
over the fence.
Peter, that was Home Improvement.
It's exhausting that you never just
go with something I say.
Coming up, yesterday's brisket.
(BURPS AND BLOWS)
But first, breaking news.
Rob Gronkowski has been suspended
from the Patriots
following a failed drug test
that showed evidence of steroids
in his system.
The star athlete claims
he has no idea
how the banned substance
got into his body.
Oh, no way!
That's terrible.
'When pressed for further comment,
Mr Gronkowski said simply,
"Grover, go long."'
Uh-oh.
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