Faking It (2014–2016): Season 2, Episode 6 - The Ecstasy and the Agony - full transcript

Liam makes a relationship faux pas. Shane and Amy reluctantly invite Lauren to an underground dance party.

- Previously on faking it:
- I knew I couldn't be with liam and keep our friendship
So I chose you.
- Chose me?
- I gotta go. - Hey, shrimp girl.
There are no boyfriends around me, right now
- Not out yet so,
Have to keep things discreet. - Right.
- If you love something set it free.
- I could go after morning church but I have to be back
By evening church.
- Lauren, what are you babbling on about,
I tuned you out after something about a turkey leg.
- The renaissance faire this weekend.
- As fun as that doesn't sound, I'm keeping my weekend open.
After a certain recent kiss from a certain individual
I'm expecting a certain invitation at any moment.
- You're certain?
They have live jousting.
- This is even better than I dreamed it would be.
And I dreamed about it a lot.
- You dreamed about us holding hands?
'cause I dreamed about us doing other things.
- In public, no more secret art room make outs,
No more secrets at all.
- Oh, hey.
Red rover, red rover, send karma right over.
- She's all yours.
- Thank you, thank you, thank you, an infinity
Of thank yous for putting us back together.
- Uh-huh, so movie night, should we watch the documentary
On the egyptian revolution or the one on
Indonesian death squads?
Too dark?
There's one on prison talent shows.
- I know that Friday has traditionally been movie night,
But traditions evolve.
For instance, did you know that Friday used to be called
"day of frigg"?
- Go on your date, karma, it's not a big deal.
- Are you sure?
I'm so excited, this'll be our first date.
I'm sorry, that was--that was totally insensitive of me.
Oh, bad karma.
- What kind of best friend would I be if you can't talk
About the guy you're dating?
- Really? Are you sure?
- Totally.
- What is this, anyway? A commentary on the sad state
Of plumbing in the 21st century?
- It'll make sense when I'm done.
- My, my, there sure is an extra bounce
In your bang today, booker,
And here I thought happiness was the death of creativity.
- No way, the ideas are flowing, I feel revitalized.
- Aren't you forgetting one massive, bulging,
Prick-ling problem?
Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
- You slept with amy.
- I'm not in denial about...
That, I'm just burying it deep,
Deep down. For karma's sake.
- How selfless of you.
- I make her happy, she makes happy.
The world needs more happiness.
- I never thought we'd see the day,
Liam booker, legit boyfriend.
- Liam booker is my boyfriend, my very first boyfriend.
It's like getting your first car, and surprise,
It's a ferrari.
- I hear they get terrible gas mileage.
- Time to update my online relationship status.
Sorry, market, I am off you.
- So, you two are exclusive?
- Well, uh,
We haven't officially discussed it, but it's like a given
After everything we've been through.
- This is "the" liam booker we're talking about.
Arab princes have had smaller harems.
- Well, that's all in the past now.
- I just want you to be careful, is all,
Don't assume anything until you talk to him.
- You're right. But I'm sure his head's
In the same place
Hi. Can we talk?
- Uh, yeah, sure. But first, let me show you this.
- Oh, okay.
Wow, it's uh--
- Here, turn it on.
- Whoa. Amazing.
- It oughta be, you inspired it.
So tonight is the hester art show.
I usually don't go to these things, but,
This time I kinda want to show off.
- Well, I don't blame you.
- No, not the piece, you.
So, what did you want to talk about?
- Oh, um,
Just wanted to tell you that you're the best boyfriend, ever.
- And you're the best...
- Uh-uh, no way, this couch is mine.
You and karma can watch a movie on your laptop,
In you room, for once.
- Karma's on a date with liam.
What are you watching?
- Can't decide. You can drive.
As long as I get veto power.
- Ooh, how do you feel about seth rogen?
- Only if he's an animated character, and even then
Just barely.
[cell phone vibrating]
- Waiting to hear from someone?
- No, I'm waiting for you to pick a [bleep] movie.
- A scary movie!
- You ass [bleep]! - [bleep] you!
- Two girls, home alone, with the door unlocked?
- That's catnip for serial killers.
Come on, I'm taking you out. I just got the pin
For a super secret underground dance party.
- I don't like being underground--
Fear of being buried alive.
- Didn't gays invent apps full of boy toys
Just for occasions like this?
- True, but tonight I'm not looking for a trashy hook up.
I wanna have fun... With my friend.
I'm sorry, did you think this was optional?
'cause no. Trust me, you need this.
Karma's out having fun and so should you.
- Guess it's all yours. - Sweet,
Now let's get you changed into something more...
Anything else.
Strange, I'm having this weird sensation inside.
I think it might be sympathy.
- Ah, should we? She is my sister...
Ish. - She might not even wanna go.
Hey lauren, would you wanna-- - go to a sweaty club
Where randos can dry hump me? No, thank you.
On second thought, I did just buy new shoes
That need to be broken in.
- So, here we are.
I know what you're thinking, "am I in soho?"
But you're not, you're in the art studio.
Cleans up well,
Like you, my beautiful-- - muse.
Yeah, I heard you the first time.
Uh, will you excuse me? I have to take this.
- It's not ringing.
- But it will be, I'm a little psychic,
Like my mother. Be right back.
[cell phone vibrating]
- Hey, aren't you supposed to be on a date with your boyfriend?
- On a date, yes, with my boyfriend, no,
Because when I accidentally called liam that,
He called me his muse.
Are you making a face? - What? No?
- Being a muse can be a good thing, right?
I mean, it's easy to be someone's girlfriend,
But how many people can say that they're someone's muse?
- Not to be a downer, but throughout history,
Artists have put their muses on a pedestal.
- See?
I love being on a pedestal.
- Until they get bored, and then they toss them aside
Like used gum.
- But liam's art is really important to him.
And the fact that I'm his inspiration,
Is a beautiful thing.
Maybe you don't understand because you're not an artist?
- Maybe.
- I should let you get back to your movie.
I'll call you later.
- Great. Can't wait.
Hey, watch it, moron!
- Sorry, this thing has a mind of its own.
- Shrimp girl?
Hey! - Hey.
- A little help? I don't want to kill someone,
It really brings the mood down.
- Sorry I snapped at you,
Low blood sugar makes me hangry.
- Is that why you made such a big scene
At that mansion party?
- Oh, yeah, that was a prank.
I love to punk people.
So you're a dj too?
- Just to fund my love for cater-waitering.
- Never give up on your dreams.
- You should come up and visit me later when I'm spinning.
- Oh, I don't know, I get dizzy easily.
- Okay, well, the invitation's out there.
♪ it's like ice melting down my back ♪
♪ it's like your fingers running through my hair ♪
♪ it's like staring at the stars in the desert ♪
♪ like the smell of rain in the air ♪
- Thank god we're inside, the sparks between you two
Could start a forest fire.
- She's cute. - She's so your type.
- How can you tell, she hasn't even picked a gender.
And the only type here is sad freak, nobody does neon anymore.
- 'don't regret inviting her, one bit.
[cell phone vibrating] mm--
Drink up, you're stiffer than an eskimo's nipples.
Calling me during your first date is not a good sign.
- Yeah, I think I've ruined everything.
- You told karma you slept with amy?
- What? No, she called me her boyfriend
And I called her my... Muse.
- Yeah, you'll never get through this.
Yeah, well we won't if I can't say the word, gir--
Gir-- gir--
See, it's like my mouth doesn't make those sounds.
- B--b--b--because it knows you slept with karma's best friend.
- I slept with lots of girls,
But I've never been anyone's boyfriend.
This isn't about karma, this is about my fear of commitment.
- It's not like you're asking her to be your wife.
This is only high school and we're not mormons.
- I know, I just want to say it so she knows how much
She means to me.
- Well keep trying.
Gotta jet.
- Wait--
[dance music]
♪ - oh no
♪ uh-huh
♪ the right stuff
♪ first time was a great time second time was a blast ♪
♪ third time I fell in love now I hope it lasts ♪
♪ - I can see it in your walk love it when you talk ♪
♪ see it in everything you do even in your thoughts ♪
♪ - you got the right stuff, baby-- ♪
- A girl band that performs vintage boy band covers,
That's pretty cool.
- It's pretty [bleep] loud.
Do you have any ibuprofen?
Ugh. Let me go ask around.
♪ all that I needed was you
♪ oh boy, it's so right ♪
♪ all that I wanted was you
♪ you made all my dreams come true ♪
- I can still catch colbert if you wanna ditch me
To hang out with that guy.
- Him? No. Ew, bad teeth.
- Got me a different kind of hook up.
- What is that?
- Let's just call it a dancing pill.
I am in now promoting you take this, I'm strictly an herbal man
Myself, but it might help you break out of your rut.
- What? What rut, I'm not in a rut.
- Yes, you are. It's so big, it's practically
Jabba the rut. And its name is karma.
- Oh you found one, thank god, this headache is killing me.
- London lange, art blogger.
I'd love to feature this piece on my site, it's so vibrant
And full of...Guilt.
- Sorry, guilt?
- The artist is haunted, forever stalked by his shadow,
As if he's being chased by the sins of his past.
Will karma ever catch him?
- Uh, I don't think--that's not really what this piece--
- It's brilliant, isn't it?
Did he tell you that I was his inspiration?
- And who might this be?
- This is karma, actually,
Who is my gir--
I mean, I hope, one day, maybe...
Who can say?
Excuse me.
[dance music]

- This is so much fun, and no more headache,
Though I am really thirsty.
Have I told you how much I love you all?
- Many times. - Uh-huh.
- She is definitely rollin' with the homies.
Ooh, the dj beckons.
- I don't know. I'm not feeling it.
- You're not feeling her? Even I'm a little turned on.
Wait, pearl-clutch! This is about karma, isn't it.
- Okay, now you're the one on drugs.
[cell phone vibrating]
- Just admit it, part of you wants to storm in here
And grab you and say "I want to be with you
And I don't care who knows it."
- I have put those feelings behind me.
- Okay, if that's the case, then get up in that dj booth.
- You said tonight was about having fun with friends,
You're my friend, lauren's my friend when she's on ecstasy.
- I'm on what?
- Why do I always get stuck with the closet cases?
- How long does this last?
Am I a drug addict now?
What if I get arrested and they take away
All of my pageant crowns and I'll never become
The second female president?
You two are the worst!
- We didn't even give it to you.
- Lauren, remember how much fun you were having
Five minutes ago?
Just choose to go back to that happy place.
Walk into the light, carol ann.
[cell phone vibrating] - let me guess, karma?
You're never going to be free if you're always there to pick up.
- Okay, as if tonight weren't already more confusing
Than the lost finale, liam just called me his wife.
- Wait, did you just-- did you just say "wife"?
- Yeah. Weird, right?
I mean, I was hoping some day, but like,
A little further down the road.
- Karma, it's too hard for me to hear this.
- Okay, can you pause your movie?
- No--I mean you can't talk to me about liam,
I said you could, but there's a limit and I've reached it.
And I'm at a super cool underground dance party.
Mazel tov on the wedding.
[dance music]

Can I get your number?
I think we should go out.
- What? I can't hear you.
- I think we should go out on a--
You heard me the first time, didn't you?
- I just like messing with you, shrimp girl.
- I also sometimes go be amy.
- Reagan.
- What is happening to my jaw, I can't stop grinding.
Oh, my god, I'm going to develop a manly jaw.
[cell phone vibrating]
The very last thing I should be doing right now
Is talking to you, but I'm not about to let you get away
With calling me on a Friday night when you probably thought
You could skate by with leaving a voicemail
So you wouldn't actually have to talk to me since all you do
Is avoid me and you're being super confusing and I can't
Deal with this right now because my so-called friends drugged me
And I'm 95% sure I'm dying.
- Wait, what?
- I took ecstasy.
- Where are you?
- Hey, bobby. - What's wrong with you?
- Huh, that's the million dollar question, isn't it?
I wanted to believe I had this fear of commitment,
But it turns out that it's just my guilt
Which will not go away no matter how hard I try to ignore it.
And every time I try to say "karma is my girlfriend"
My mouth farts out--
Wait, I just said it.
You heard that, right?
- What's wrong with you?
- What?
What? I just told you.
I'm your new art piece, aren't I?
- What's wrong with you?
- Right.
- Liam.
Listen. Maybe I moved too fast.
If you don't want me to be your girl--
- No, karma, I want you to be my gir--
I swear I just said it.
Bobby, tell her I said it.
- What's wrong with you?
- What is wrong with you?
- Liam, it's fine.
If you can't say it, then maybe your mouth knows more
Than your brain wants to admit.
- We are not the art!
- What is wrong with me?
- Yeah, you kinda blew it.
To pull my foot out of my mouth.
- Think you may have gotten both feet in there.
And maybe a hand.
Look, I knew you had commitment issues, I just thought
That I was the cure.
- No, you are.
- Well, tell your tongue that.
- Look, I wanna say...
It to you.
- Then why can't you? - Because I'm not a good person.
I've done things, things that--
Made me think that I can't be your prince charming.
If you only knew, you'd-- - I'd what?
Punish you?
Look, I've done tons of stupid I'm not proud of either.
But if you really want to make this work--
- Oh, of course I do.
I feel lucky every day I'm with you.
- I feel like I'm the lucky one.
So let's just agree to be newer and better people,
- Deal.
- Yay.
- Lauren?
- Don't you touch me! Don't--
Okay, wait, that feels amazing, you can touch me.
But you're not forgiven.
You can't kiss me the way you did and then mix signals
When I know that you like me. Why can't you admit that
You like me? - Fine.
I admit it, I like you.
- You do? - Yeah.
I like you a lot.
I've just been taking it slow because--
- Your voice is so velvety it's like my ears are floating
On the ocean.
- Okay. Let's get you home.
[cell phone vibrating]
[cell phone ringing]
- This must be a butt dial.
- Nope, promise, I'm calling from the correct end.
Though I did act like an ass earlier.
I'm sorry.
- No, I'm sorry.
I feel terrible, I know it's not fair for me to talk to you
About liam stuff.
And p.S., we are not married if that's what you're wondering.
- Guess what.
I kind of met someone.
- What? Tell me everything.
Let's start with gender.
- Female. Her name is reagan.
- Ooh, I love her all ready. Age?
- 19, and she's a dj.
- An older woman with rhythm. Sexy.
- She is sexy, and funny.
- Reagan, your new girlfriend.
But you've at least told her all about me, right?
- You do have friends, right?
- Lesbians are viciously territorial.
- You're taking me to dinner, Saturday.
- I want to introduce you to my friends.
- Can't risk anyone knowing I'm gay.
- What if we have a group hang?
- Group hang?
- Let me guess, group hang?