Faking It (2014–2016): Season 2, Episode 17 - Prom Scare - full transcript

It's fine.

I don't have feelings
for karma anymore.

I wish it could
always be like this.

maybe people really can change.

My daughter
will never be a lesbian.

Is that amy?

Yeah, she had to go.

You should get under that guy.

I guess I could give it a shot.

Ah!
Sasha, you're home.

Liam, you've grown.



Ah!
Sasha! Get off!

Wakey, wakey,
little mo-bro.

I hate you,
you stanksnatch.

Oh, I hate you too,
swishdick.

Play hooky with me today?

Please? I am so bored.

I wish, but I just did a run
of Saturday morning detentions,

And I can't take any more.

Besides, it's been a week
since you moved out

And, you know, dumped jake.

Shouldn't you be putting
your life back together?

Maybe get a job?

I don't wanna!

Shane, come on, man, hurry up.
We're gonna be late.



Uh, liam,
there are sisters present.

Uh, sasha, hi.

Didn't see you there.

Both of you can relax.

It's not like
there's anything down there

That I haven't already seen.

What did she mean by that?

Oh, uh, yeah.

A few nights ago, we kind of
bumped into each other

In the bathroom.

Naked.
It was nothing!

Shane, she's your sister.

Yeah, who gave you
your first boner.

That was like a million years
ago. I was a kid.

Which is why
it's so powerful.

I still have wet dreams about
my fourth grade swim instructor.

This is nothing
like lifeguard logan.

I swear I would never go there.

Man, it would be wrong
on, like, every level.

It's been tough,
but I'm glad she told bruce.

They're trying to work it out.

They even are considering
the tantric healing retreat

That your mom recommended.

Well, if they're desperate
enough to try that,

It must be serious.

- How's lauren dealing with it?
- Who knows?

Right now, she's all about
planning junior prom.

Wait, it's prom season already?

Ugh, god. I am allergic
to dancing teens in formal wear.

Why? You worried
you can't find a date?

I've got two hot prom dates
lined up already.

My couch and my xbox.

A thruple date, if you will.

- Well, you have fun with that.
- Next person.

Amy and I will be
bucking the trend

And going together.

- Wait, what? We never...
- I know it's silly,

But it's a rite of passage.

We could have the whole
dance floor to ourselves.

We could request straight up
on loop.

I prefer felix's idea.

The couch part,
not the video game part.

But I promise, we'll marathon
movies about prom,

Like carrie.

Wait, the original
or the remake?

The original.

And I'm insulted
you would even ask me that.

- Spin around.
- Brian de palma is a genius.

Vice principal beaver,
this is the third act

Of vandalism by this "b"
in a week.

You have zero leads
as to who it could be?

It's bevier, sir.

And it could be anyone.

Maybe if you,
say, reopened the art room,

Students could express
themselves in there

As opposed to out here.

We do not negotiate
with vandals.

Just see that this
is cleaned up.

Ugh. Where is everybody?

Every time I think I've gotten
through to this school,

It finds a new way
to disappoint me.

Tell me about it.

I have put so much time
into planning the perfect prom,

And we barely sold any tickets.

These kids have no respect
for tradition or authority.

- Mm-hmm.
- At any other school,

I'd cancel prom as punishment
for this "b" nonsense.

Here, they would see that
as a reward.

Which gives me an idea.

? ?

Prom will now be mandatory
to all students.

In addition,
all must bring dates.

Anyone who refuses to comply
will face a month

Of Saturday detention.

He can't do that.

And if you're saying
to yourself

"he can't do that,"
check the terms and conditions

You all agreed to.

Life lesson:
Read the fine print.

Now I have to go to prom
with karma.

This is a disaster.

That's so weird.

You were so over her,
remember?

Right before you two mounted
that mechanical bull.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

You were right.

At the hoedown, my old feelings
for karma came back.

I can't let that happen again.

And prom is supposed to be
the most romantic night

In all of teendom.

It's an emotional minefield.

You're so lucky you didn't sign
turner's contract.

You don't have to go.

I kind of want to though.

I've been text-flirting
my pflag crush

Ever since the hoedown.

I've gotten amazing at the art
of the suggestive emoji.

Look.

Oh, creative use
of the eggplant.

So you gonna ask him?

Ew, no, he's gonna ask me.

Amy!

shh!

Everyone at the school
is freaking.

We're going together, right?

You know, I would,
but it's not fair to you.

Fair?
What are you talking about?

Karma, you've been dreaming
about prom since you were six.

And your dream date wasn't me.

It was a cute boy
who's really into you.

Yeah, that would be great.

- But...
- what about felix?

- Felix is super cute.
- Yeah.

What?
Ew, felix?

He's like my brother.

And you're the one
always flirting with him.

What? Please.

Oh! Oh!
What about your new lab partner?

You said you two have chemistry.

I remember that because then I
said, "in more ways than one,"

And we laughed.

That's a good one.

He is really cute.

The other day,
he lit my bunsen burner.

Go get your flirt on
before he asks someone else.

- Okay.
- Go! Get out.

Okay. Shoo.

Problem solved.

What if their chemistry
is all in karma's delusional

Self-absorbed head?

Don't talk about karma
like that.

She's my best friend.

Okay, maybe I should
get a date just in case.

What the, dad?

I can't believe you did this.

Turner?

What the f...

French fries?

I wanted prom to be mandatory.

I never said anything
about dates.

Yes, I added it.

I thought it might be
a healthy change

For some of our students
to turn off the video games,

Get off the couch,
and go on an actual date.

On an unrelated note,
lauren,

Have you met this bright,
young student, felix?

I know he's your son,
and, no, it's not happening.

Seriously?

Hey, oliver, hi.

- How you been?
- Hey.

- Drama club looks good on you.
- Thanks.

So, I wanted to ask you
something, um, about prom.

Prom?

- Really?
- What about prom?

Hi, I'm jamie.

Hi, jamie.

I'm amy.

Nice shirt.

Ollie gave it to me
to help get into character.

I'm the lead in his new play.

Oh. Falling down the donut hole:

A tale of unrequited love
and despair.

It's just a little experimental,
black-boxy thing.

Oh, what did you want
to talk to me about?

Never mind.

Carry on.

Oh, wait,
I am not okay with you

Going on a date
with another guy.

What am I supposed to do?
I'm head of the prom committee.

I'd go with you,
but that's not really an option.

It won't be a real date.

I'll have plenty of offers, I'll
choose the most harmless one,

Who will still look decent
in pictures, of course.

Fine.

- As long as I get veto power.
- Deal.

I have to say, I kind of like
you all jealous and territorial.

So this prom thing is crazy,
right?

Yeah. Look at all these people
feeding into mass hysteria.

It's textbook groupthink.

Straight people be crazy.

But what can we do?

We have to go, so...

We do have to go...

To class.

We're so late.

I'll see you.

- Hi there, chem buddy.
- Hey.

? ?

Okay, liam, this is genius.

How did you manage to hack
the school announcement system?

Shane, how many times
do I have to say it?

I swear, I'm not "b."

Ah, I almost believe you.

Man, when did you become
such a pretty little liar?

Wait, does this mean
you're also lying about sasha?

No, I'm not lying about this
or about that.

Man, the way you all took me in
and accepted me,

It's the first time I felt part
of a real family.

I swear, I'd never do anything
to screw that up.

Aww, that was legit
heartwarming.

I believe you, buddy.

Just about the sister thing.

I still know that you're "b."

Hey there, lil' liam.

Sasha?

Hi, um, what are you doing here?

Just got a guest pass to come
have lunch with shane.

I've been so bored at home.

I'm just skwerkeling
random things,

Like the age of consent
in texas.

It's 17.

Hey, didn't you just
have a birthday?

Sasha, look.
We can't.

Come on, you know you had
a thing for me

Since you were a kid.

True, but...

You're fresh off a break-up.

Me too, actually.

And you're six years older
than me.

And you're
my best friend's sister,

So it would just...
it would be wrong.

Like, really, really wrong.

that's what makes it so hot.

Ah! There's the bell!

Uh, it's a special tone
that only teenagers can hear.

Yup, got to go.

Jasmine! Hey! It's amy!

We met on that dating app syzzr?

The one in love
with her best friend.

Was! Was in love.
I am finally over that.

Which is why I'm calling.
Prom is coming up...

Let me guess,
she wants to go as friends

And you're worried about
old feelings coming back.

- How did you...
- I told you. I've been there.

And I hate to break it to you,
but you're so not over her yet.

I am.
In fact, I had a girlfriend.

And you two broke up
because you're both

"in different places" or
some other bull reason.

How did you know all this?
Are you from the future?

Yeah, 2000-
and-finally-over-her.

Call me when you get here.

Elizabeth?
Ever since you joined madrigals,

I've been wanting to ask you...

Would you do me
the honor of allowing me

To escort you to junior prom?

Pick me up after judge judy.

? ?

Okay.

Scene over.

Don't worry, lauren.
Someone will ask you.

Oh, I know!
It's leila I worry about.

No need. I have three offers
on the table.

Lauren...

What the do you want?

I was just wondering if, uh,

You wanted to, uh...
would you ever consider...

Are you seriously asking me
to prom

After the way
that you dumped me?

I am so sorry.

But I was an idiot
and now I know

That you're totally not a dude.

I was a jerk.

Let me make it up to you.

aww...

You got to admit, we always
look great in pictures.

So I just have to pray
that things between karma

And chemistry guy work out.

I'd say, based
on the frowny-face

Rapidly coming toward us,
those prayers went unheard.

I tried all of my best hair
flips and still, no prom invite.

I can relate.

I'm trying to bait
my crush into asking me,

And nothing.

Listen to you two.

Waiting around to be
asked like it's the 1800s.

You are woman.

And you are gay man.

Let's hear you roar!

History rewards those who seize
the reins of their destinies!

Amy, you are so right.

I'm just gonna ask my crush
to prom myself!

Same here.

Oh, in fact,
there he is right now.

Oh, mine too!

? ?

You've obviously mistaken wade's
friendliness for flirting.

Maybe you've misinterpreted
his sensitivity.

Not everyone is gay.

Yeah? Well, not everyone at
this school is in love with you.

We're settling this now.

- Hey, wade.
- Hi, wade.

Hey, guys.

I, uh, did not realize
you two were friends.

Wade, can you please tell shane

About how you called me cute
the other day?

oh, poor karma.

He meant cute like a viral video
of a puppy sneezing.

- Right?
- No. No.

I meant cute,
as in attractive, hot, sexy.

But you flirted with me
at that pflag event.

And we talked all
about your ex-boyfriend aaron.

Ex-girlfriend, actually.

It was with an "e,"
not a double "a."

But you're right.
We've been flirting.

so are you gay or straight?

I'm bi.

Had that not even occurred
as a possibility to you two?

- Of course it did.
- Bi? Totally. Yeah.

Okay, this is a little awkward,
but I like both of you.

And I'm not really sure
who I wanna bring to prom yet.

Is that cool?

- Totally, cool. Yeah.
- The coolest.

Cool, we can talk
about this later.

Yeah.

All right. Bye.

- Bye.
- Bye.

bi?

Well, that was weird. Hm.

Not really. I mean, maybe it
was for you,

But it wasn't for me.

Right. Well, look.

We need a civil way to decide
who gets to take wade to prom.

What's fair?
Should we flip for it?

- Rock-paper-scissors?
- No need for that.

I'm going with wade
because wade is gay.

Um, he just told us he was bi.

The "bi" label is just a step

In the coming out process.

It goes: Drunken hookup,
curious, bi,

Full-blown gay, elton john.

His last relationship
was with a girl.

So was every other gay guy
before they came out.

Well, what about amy?

Even you said she could be bi.

It's different for girls.

Whoa.

That is a ridiculous
double-standard.

Really close-minded
and hypocritical.

If girls can be bi,
so can guys.

Wait, are you just trying
to freak me out?

Since when are you
so open-minded?

Even if a tiny part of wade
is into you,

I know what a guy wants,
because I am one.

You can't just give up.

Shane's right.
I can't compete with him

In the battle
of bi-boy seduction!

I'm just not that girl.

The day isn't over yet.

Someone can still ask you.

Yeah? Like who?

karma, hi.

Ella. Willa.

You're not going to prom
with liam, right?

Because we thought
we'd both ask him.

And let him choose.

Go for it.

I mean, maybe he won't be able
to decide

And the three of you
could just go together.

Right, amy?

Amy?

Veto! Veto! Veto!

There is no way you're going
to prom with your ex-boyfriend.

It's not like it'd be
a real date!

After what tommy did to you,

How could you even consider
forgiving him?

Forgiveness is
a virtue, anthony.

After all, if you weren't
a narc that everyone hates,

I could be going
with my real boyfriend.

But I can't,
and that sucks.

What if tommy's just asking
so everyone forgives him?

The entire school's hated him
ever since they found out

He dumped you
for being intersex.

Right. 'cause he couldn't
actually want to go with me.

I didn't mean...

Lauren, wait!

Officers, search their bags.

What is going on here?

This ends now.

These are all of the school's
known visual artists.

One of them has to be "b."

All right, you banksy wannabes.

You've had your fun.

Now if someone doesn't
admit to being "b,"

You will all be suspended.

And yes, I can do that.

Again,
read the terms & conditions.

It was me, okay.

I am "b."

Now, let everyone else go.

B for booker.

You know, I think we might just
skip right past suspension

To full-on expulsion...

Stop!

It wasn't liam.

It was me.

"b" is for beaver.

I mean, bevier.

Penelope.
Oh, you are so fired.

You can't fire me
because I quit!

Oh, that felt good.
Booker.

You carry that banner
'cause if he's not stopped,

There's gonna be no hester left.

get her!

- Go!
- Go, miss b, go!

- Go.
- Run! Run!

let go of me!

Long live hester!

? ?

felix.

Okay, so you don't have a date
for prom yet, right?

Uh, no. I don't.

Neither does karma.

You should ask her.

Wouldn't that be fun?

I...I don't know.

You know, karma sees me more
as a brother-type.

And she's all into prom,
and I hate it.

I hate it, too, felix,
trust me.

But we all have to go, so...

Why don't we just go together?

- Really?
- Yeah.

Yeah, uh, yeah, of course.

I mean, you know,
'cause we have to.

Yeah.

What are you two
whispering about

Uh, just stupid prom.

Felix just asked me to go
with him and I said yes.

Oh, great.

Prom tickets!
Get your prom tickets!

Hey!

Tommy, you begged,
you pleaded.

And I, being the forgiving,
benevolent person I am,

Have decided to give you
a shot at redemption.

Yes, I will go to
prom with you.

Unless anyone
has any objections

They'd like to voice.

Lauren, you will not
regret this.

And if you follow
this checklist, I won't.

You might want to call
the florist now.

The orchids I want in my corsage
are very rare.

- Hello.
- Two tickets, please.

One for me,
and one for fred here.

Turner said we have
to have dates.

He didn't say
they have to be alive.

It might be against god.

But it's not against the rules.

Thank you.

Come on, freddy.

Sorry.

Sasha, uh, what are you doing
here again?

Oh, I stopped by the office
and they are just desperate

For substitute teachers.

All you need is
a college diploma.

- Crazy, right?
- Oh, wow.

And I can't wait to teach you
a thing or two.

So, um, why did you tell
karma I asked you

When you asked me?

I did?

Oh, it all happened so fast.

What's the difference, really?

I'm sensing something else
is going on here.

Is this...is this prom thing
really a date,

Or is it some sort
of weird scheme?

Okay.

The truth
is I asked you

Because I can't go
to prom with karma.

I used to be in love
with her

And I can't go down
that rabbit hole again.

Oh.

Yeah, that makes sense,
I guess.

But I didn't want to go
to prom to begin with.

And I'm not sure if I want to go
as your feelings air-bag.

Yeah. You're right.

And I appreciate you
calling me on that.

It kind of makes me
want to go with you more.

But just so you don't
have to go with karma.

Yeah.

Well, partially.

But also,
you seem like a cool guy.

And we both hate prom.

And making fun of
the whole thing with you

Might make it
almost bearable.

Well, I do admire your sarcasm.

Yeah. Yeah, let's do it.

And hey, now that
the pressure's off,

I don't even have to shower!

Look, I'm not one
for playing games.

So I'm just gonna say it.

Will you go to prom with...

Karma?

- Wow.
- What, did you raid

The drama club
costume department?

Karma, you look...

- Wow.
- Thanks.

And I just want to say,
I'm totally open-minded

About the whole "bi" thing.

In fact, why choose?

If you want to date both of us
until things get serious,

I'm totally cool with that.

? ?

Unless shane isn't.

? ?

I'm cooler than cool with it.

In fact, you know
what would be even cooler?

Is if we all went to prom.

Together.

Great idea.

Principal turner
said dates were mandatory.

But he never said "a" date.

What better way to stick it
to him than with a protest?

A thruple date?

I'm in, if wade is.

? ?

I'm in. I'm in.

Great.

Thruple date.

? ?

next on faking it...

I'm totally cool if wade
wants to swing both ways.

Let her push all she wants.
I'm not giving her an inch.

All of wade's inches
will be mine.

This isn't prom by lauren;
it's prom by the little mermaid.

Why didn't you tell me
that you were going to prom

With a felix?

Felix wants this
to be a real date.

He does?

You just gonna stand there
and let that happen?

Want to take this threesome
to the next level?