Faking It (2014–2016): Season 2, Episode 15 - Boiling Point - full transcript
Tensions come to a head when the gang gets detention.
- Previously on "Faking It"...
- My mom's having an affair.
- Farrah, open up!
- Dad?
- What's the answer?
- I haven't had any answers
since you slept
with my best friend.
There it is!
Your trump card.
I have to go.
- I'm not impressive enough?
- You're in high school.
God, if I'd known it was
going to be like this,
I never would have outed you.
Hello, Karma.
Please, get in.
I know what I want.
Welcome to detention.
For the next seven hours,
you belong to me.
You will sit
in your seats quietly
without your cell phones.
No texting,
no Candy Crushing,
no SnapChatting your genitalia.
Instead, you will silently
ruminate over the shortcomings
that have landed you here.
Dig deep.
Figure out how not to repeat
the same mistake twice.
Or you could get your GED
and become an Uber driver.
Aren't you guys all friends?
Did you have a hot tub party
that got a little bit too real?
I know Shane's here
because of his naked protest,
but what did
the rest of you do?
Clearly, there was
a clerical error.
I'm sure I'll be exonerated
shortly.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Everybody's innocent.
What about you, Amy?
You obviously
have never watched
"Orange is the New Black."
You don't ask someone
why they're doing time.
And if you must know,
I cut class
because I was watching
a French New Wave film
at the Austin Film Society.
I thought you said
it was German?
Yeah, right.
It was German.
Danke shoe-in.
What about you, Karma?
Yeah, did you and Liam
finally get caught
having sex at school?
No!
I fell asleep during geometry.
What about you, Liam?
I took a conference call
during philosophy.
What?
It was with our Dubai office.
It's really hard to coordinate
with the time difference.
Oh, did you follow it up
with a round of golf
and a spot of day-trading?
What about you, Felix?
Let's just say
that Turner has it out for me.
Is it hot in here
or is it just me?
Turner doesn't turn the AC on
on Saturdays.
Lauren, aren't you hot?
- I naturally run cold.
- Like most reptiles...
Finish that sentence and I
will stab you with this pencil.
So what's the deal
with you and Liam?
You two still not talking?
Not since L.A.
Any new developments
in Farrah Gate?
Uh, sort of.
My mom promised that
that fling was totally over.
Good.
The last thing you need
is Farrah leaving Bruce
for some new rando.
Yeah, that would suck.
Has Lauren agreed
not to tell Bruce?
Not yet.
He comes back from
a business trip tonight,
and I don't know
what she's gonna do.
You could ask her.
She's right behind you.
Hey, step-sis?
Can we not talk about it?
I'm not in the mood.
If you're still on the fence
about telling your dad,
I highly recommend not telling.
I don't get why
you're covering for Farrah.
If I tell Daddy,
they'll break up,
and then she and your dad
can get back together.
Shh.
And I don't want them
to get back together.
All they do is fight.
They're like oil and vinegar.
- Oil and vinegar are delicious.
- You know what I mean.
If you must know,
I've decided I am telling Daddy.
He's the innocent victim here.
But you'll be splitting
our family up.
No, your mother
took care of that.
Hey, buddy.
How you doing?
Fine.
You can't keep
eating yourself up.
Look, I know you're
depressed about Duke...
I'm eating
because I'm liberated.
No more Duke hovering
over my shoulder
shouting, "Lean and green!"
So you're telling me
you're happy you two broke up?
Sure, I'm sad he's gone,
but if he can't see
that I did him a favor
by outing him,
that's his problem.
Boo!
What the hell
are you doing here?
Yeah, did you get lost
on the way to the donut shop?
Oh, and did you
bring any with you?
I'm here to escort Lauren
to Principal Turner's office.
I knew it.
I'm exonerated.
See you deviants on Monday.
Out of my way, narc.
Okay, I'm dying to know.
Why would your dad
put you in detention?
Because he doesn't trust me
to be alone all day.
Why?
All you do is play Xbox.
He has his reasons.
Aw, come on!
Just one!
I'm starving and you've
got a 7-Eleven over there.
No, I need them all!
Fine.
Karma always has mints.
What you doing?
Uh, just looking
for a light refreshment.
Ooh, give me one.
You know what?
I really need to pee.
Come with me.
Amy, I though we got past
your fear of peeing alone.
It's not about that.
We need to talk now.
Lauren?
You're not supposed
to be here.
None of you are.
What is going on?
They were sneaking out, sir,
but don't worry, I caught 'em.
Any further infractions
will be met with detention
until the end
of the school year.
Are we clear?
Yes, sir.
How could you take him back
after what he did to you?
- What?
- Take who back?
We caught Lauren and Theo
making out in the hallway.
After Amy and I
helped you out him?
You outed Theo too?
Why am I not surprised?
Lauren, he arrested
my parents and me and Amy.
Because he was protecting
our secret.
Oh, Lauren,
when are you gonna learn?
Secrets always come out.
Yeah, because you out them!
Raise your hand
if you've been outed
by Shane Harvey.
Thank you for your support.
Oh, no, this isn't support.
You've got a real problem
outing people.
If you hadn't outed Duke,
you wouldn't be
in this situation right now,
so just admit it.
I'll admit it if you admit
you're a corporate sellout
and the whole artist thing
was a joke.
Lauren,
you can't take him back
He's only gonna hurt you again.
I don't give a [bleep]
what you think,
but you better
keep it a secret,
because if this comes out,
Theo loses his job.
Fine,
I'll keep your secret
if you promise
you won't tell Bruce
that thing
I don't want you to tell him.
What thing?
The fact that your mom
is [bleep]ing your dad?
That's who you caught your mom
with in the motel room?
Why did you keep that from me?
We agreed,
no more secrets between us.
I know, but I knew
that you would be
all mad and judgy
because you hate my dad.
I hate how he blows in here
once in a blue moon
if and when he pleases.
He's a war journalist, Karma.
He doesn't exactly decide
when wars start or end.
Wait, you didn't cut school
to see a film.
You cut school to see him.
Busted.
I'm guilty for spending time
with my father.
No, you're guilty of
yet another lie.
Maybe we should all
take a deep breath.
See this is exactly
what happens when people
aren't their true
authentic selves.
Oh, enough with
the self-righteous bull[bleep].
You act like you did Duke
some huge favor
by outing him,
but you're guilt-eating
everything in this room
that isn't made of plastic.
You can't just
do the wrong thing
and then pretend it's
for the right reason.
Excellent point, Booker.
Keeping Farrah's secret
is wrong.
And claiming it's
to keep our family together
doesn't make it right.
She swore
it didn't mean anything,
so can we just forget about it
and move on?
Wow, why does that
sound familiar?
Oh, yeah.
That's what you said
when you slept with Liam.
Like mother,
like daughter.
Let's just sweep it
under the rug.
I'm surprised there's
any room left under there.
You're one to talk
about secrets.
Okay, what's this?
Oh, it's a check from
Max Booker for $250,000.
What's that about,
Karma?
- What the hell is going on?
- That's a big check.
No, like, seriously,
that's twice the standard size.
After we got back from L.A.,
your father offered me
that check
to stay away from you.
- And you took it?
- No!
Not yet.
I-I-I haven't cashed it.
Yeah, but you haven't
torn it up either.
Who wouldn't consider
taking $250,000?
I've been such an idiot.
It could help my parents
get back on their feet,
help pay for college.
How could I not consider it
for even a second?
After you left L.A.,
Zita kissed me.
She made it very clear
she wanted more,
but I turned her down.
It didn't take me a week
to think about it.
Oh, yeah, well, too bad
you didn't think
before you slept with Amy.
Karma, please leave me
out of this.
Here we go again.
You're taking a bribe
to stay away from me,
but I'm the one
defending myself?
I'm not rich, Liam!
I didn't fall asleep in class
because I've been studying.
I've been working
every catering gig I could get.
And I live in
a freaking juice truck!
It's so besides the point,
it's not even funny.
If you were offered that money
to stay away from Amy,
you wouldn't have considered it
for one second.
Is he... crying?
You're right.
I'm a terrible person.
I outed you two as lesbians
because I didn't want Lauren
to win homecoming queen.
And I outed your pills because
I wanted to take you down.
And I outed Duke because...
I wanted to ruin his life.
Instead, he told me
he loved me.
And now he hates me.
And he should.
I hate me.
Shane, man, come on.
Ease up.
You did a bad thing, but that
doesn't make you a bad person.
I've forgiven you,
and what you did to me
was way worse.
Have you told him that
you're sorry?
It's too late.
He leaves in, like, an hour
to train
with some famous
Muy Thai fighter.
Well, then there's still time!
We're breaking you out of here.
Ready to form Voltron!
The '80s animated show...
Nobody?
Really?
Okay, we have one hour
until he checks in again.
But he locks the doors
on Saturdays.
Maybe we could get
a key somehow?
He's got it on his belt.
Oh, what about
the bathroom window?
It was open this morning.
The bathroom window?
That thing's tiny.
Regretting that jumbo bag
of Cheesaritos?
Let's roll.
I did go running today...
How are we gonna
get by him?
Pull the fire alarm.
Shane can sneak out
in the chaos.
- Ah!
- What?
Theo and I were
about to get caught,
so I created a distraction.
Didn't know those things spray
permanent ink.
That's how you got detention.
- I'll distract Turner.
- How?
I know what makes him tick.
- He's my dad.
- What?
Yeah, I don't
exactly advertise it.
It's not easy being the son
of the most-hated man on campus.
No, it's okay.
What happens in detention
stays in detention.
- Right?
- Right.
Right.
Hey, Dad?
You never call me that
at school.
What are you doing here?
Uh...
You remember when
you gave me the sex talk
and you said if I had
any questions,
I could ask you any time.
Of course.
Why do men have nipples?
Well, that's
an excellent question.
See, not many people
realize this,
but every embryo begins
developing as a female.
We'll never
make it in time.
Handled.
Book it, Theo.
And that's why masturbation
is perfectly healthy.
Uh, what a relief.
Good.
Let's get you back to detention.
Wait, I-I just...
I have a few more questions,
like, uh...
Is oral sex really sex?
Or does sex require, um...
I can't believe
you stopped at a red.
What kind of granny cop
are you?
Can you just turn on
the siren?
Look, there are
strict regulations
governing the use
of the siren.
And, Amy, how can you
possibly be carsick?
Stick your head
out the window.
Dogs do it all the time
and they never barf.
I'm sorry I busted you
about the check.
That wasn't cool.
No, I'm sorry.
I was way too harsh
about Hank.
It's just, I see
how hard it is on you
when he leaves
and...
it just makes me
a little crazy.
Glad you two made up.
We were all so worried.
- Petrified.
- This light is taking forever!
I can't take it anymore.
Go, go, go!
I better not
lose my job over this.
To some people,
fellatio... cunnilingus...
are more intimate
than actual penetration,
while to others,
anilingus is
the most intimate.
Duke!
I'm so sorry.
It's all my fault.
What are you
doing here, Shane?
I want to come clean.
Please hear me out.
Please don't puke in the car.
I'll find some water.
- Uh...
- I need air.
Oh, God...
Okay.
You gonna be okay?
'Cause if you die,
I want your room.
And your blow-dryer.
I'm sorry I
pressured you to lie.
If you want to tell Bruce,
I understand.
As much as I do not
forgive Farrah,
I'm not gonna tell Daddy.
I don't want them
to split up either.
This... step-sister thing
isn't so bad.
Do you think they'll make it?
I don't know.
It was a pretty big betrayal.
Even if Duke wants
to forgive him,
he might not be able to.
Yeah, well,
maybe Shane doesn't know
what else he can do.
I wish I didn't
have to think about this.
I wish I hadn't given you
a reason to.
If I could take it all back,
I would.
I'm so, so sorry.
Thank you.
I never thought I'd hear
you say you were wrong.
Need to hustle, son.
We need to be at the airport
in 15 minutes.
What... you're leaving?
But I apologized.
You forgave me.
I said I accepted
your apology.
I didn't say I forgive you.
Stay, please.
I can't.
That's enough
sex questions for now.
Well, just explain
why people
want to have
sex with animals.
Dad...
You've completed
your detention.
I hope you all learned
a little something
about yourselves today.
And I hope I never have
to see you here again.
You're dismissed.
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
So where do we go from here?
Home.
It's over.
Remember, what happens
in detention...
Stays in detention.
Got it.
So...
You're all gonna forget now
that I'm going back
in the school to join my dad.
Oh, we'll never forget.
But we won't spill.
♪ Dancing
You know it, baby ♪
♪ Tell me your troubles
and doubts ♪
Want a ride home?
No, I'll walk.
Need to burn off
a few thousand extra calories.
♪ Love's strange,
so real in the dark ♪
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'll be fine.
You know, it was
a long time coming.
I'm ready for a change,
you know?
New leaf, new page.
New haircut.
♪ When the light gets
into your heart, baby ♪
- You want a ride?
- Nah.
I wouldn't want to intrude
on father-daughter time.
- Hey, Karma.
- Hey, Hank.
Glad to see you weren't
kidnapped in Syria.
You believe
no one wanted me?
- Bye.
- ♪ Don't you ♪
♪ Forget about me ♪
♪ Will you stand above me? ♪
♪ Look my way
never love me ♪
I am so excited
to be spending time
with my favorite daughter.
- That you know of.
- That I know of.
All right, look.
We've got some options.
There's a new photo show
at Yard Dog Gallery
or there's a haunted
walking tour of downtown.
How much time
do we have?
All day.
Well, all afternoon.
I gotta fly
to Moscow tonight.
- Moscow?
- Yeah, new assignment.
♪ Rain keeps falling down ♪
Look, Dad...
Your job is cool.
I get it.
It's... it's exciting
and dangerous,
and it matters.
But I matter, too,
and you can't just keep
blowing into my life
and making me hope
you're gonna be there for me,
and then blow right out.
If you're gonna be my dad,
then you have to be my dad,
and not just
in between assignments.
♪ Don't you try to pretend ♪
♪ It's my feeling
we'll win in the end ♪
♪ I won't harm you
or touch your defenses ♪
Amanda.
Hey, uh...
Yeah, I-I'm out.
They gotta get somebody else.
I want to stay in Austin.
♪ Don't you forget about me ♪
♪ I'll be alone
Dancing, you know it, baby ♪
Gallery first?
Yeah.
♪ Going to take you apart ♪
Liam.
♪ Together at heart, baby ♪
- ♪ Don't you forget about me ♪
- _
♪ Don't, don't, don't, don't ♪
- ♪ Don't you forget about me ♪
- _
♪ As you walk on by... ♪
Hey.
♪ Somewhere I could hide ♪
Can I stay here for a while?
I brought food.
Mi casa es su casa.
But no more eating my feelings.
♪ It's grilled cheese ♪
Maybe just a tear or two.
♪ All my friends ♪
Hey, what...
Oh, I'm sorry.
I made the mistake of
telling my parents
about the breakup,
and now they're
smothering me with love
and psychobabble
about new beginnings
and rising from the ashes
and...
Can I have my old room back?
Just for a night.
Please.
Yeah, I'll just...
I'll sleep on the couch.
Hey.
Have you ever
had your heart broken?
Uh...
Yeah.
When my mom died.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't know.
How'd you get through it?
♪ All my friends ♪
♪ Sitting on the fence ♪
There's no magic bullet.
You just...
You do it.
One day at a time.
♪ They'll never rush
to my defense ♪
Next on "Faking It"...
We were hook-up hunters.
And the world was our prey.
- We will start tonight.
- Yeah!
I can't believe
you haven't told PFLAG
that I'm not a lesbian.
It would mean
the world to her
if you two would go together.
- Dad, that's insane.
- I have boundaries.
No more handholding,
no slow dancing.
Voila!
No feelings!
- Yeah, we'll do it.
- Let's be lesbians.
Again.
- My mom's having an affair.
- Farrah, open up!
- Dad?
- What's the answer?
- I haven't had any answers
since you slept
with my best friend.
There it is!
Your trump card.
I have to go.
- I'm not impressive enough?
- You're in high school.
God, if I'd known it was
going to be like this,
I never would have outed you.
Hello, Karma.
Please, get in.
I know what I want.
Welcome to detention.
For the next seven hours,
you belong to me.
You will sit
in your seats quietly
without your cell phones.
No texting,
no Candy Crushing,
no SnapChatting your genitalia.
Instead, you will silently
ruminate over the shortcomings
that have landed you here.
Dig deep.
Figure out how not to repeat
the same mistake twice.
Or you could get your GED
and become an Uber driver.
Aren't you guys all friends?
Did you have a hot tub party
that got a little bit too real?
I know Shane's here
because of his naked protest,
but what did
the rest of you do?
Clearly, there was
a clerical error.
I'm sure I'll be exonerated
shortly.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Everybody's innocent.
What about you, Amy?
You obviously
have never watched
"Orange is the New Black."
You don't ask someone
why they're doing time.
And if you must know,
I cut class
because I was watching
a French New Wave film
at the Austin Film Society.
I thought you said
it was German?
Yeah, right.
It was German.
Danke shoe-in.
What about you, Karma?
Yeah, did you and Liam
finally get caught
having sex at school?
No!
I fell asleep during geometry.
What about you, Liam?
I took a conference call
during philosophy.
What?
It was with our Dubai office.
It's really hard to coordinate
with the time difference.
Oh, did you follow it up
with a round of golf
and a spot of day-trading?
What about you, Felix?
Let's just say
that Turner has it out for me.
Is it hot in here
or is it just me?
Turner doesn't turn the AC on
on Saturdays.
Lauren, aren't you hot?
- I naturally run cold.
- Like most reptiles...
Finish that sentence and I
will stab you with this pencil.
So what's the deal
with you and Liam?
You two still not talking?
Not since L.A.
Any new developments
in Farrah Gate?
Uh, sort of.
My mom promised that
that fling was totally over.
Good.
The last thing you need
is Farrah leaving Bruce
for some new rando.
Yeah, that would suck.
Has Lauren agreed
not to tell Bruce?
Not yet.
He comes back from
a business trip tonight,
and I don't know
what she's gonna do.
You could ask her.
She's right behind you.
Hey, step-sis?
Can we not talk about it?
I'm not in the mood.
If you're still on the fence
about telling your dad,
I highly recommend not telling.
I don't get why
you're covering for Farrah.
If I tell Daddy,
they'll break up,
and then she and your dad
can get back together.
Shh.
And I don't want them
to get back together.
All they do is fight.
They're like oil and vinegar.
- Oil and vinegar are delicious.
- You know what I mean.
If you must know,
I've decided I am telling Daddy.
He's the innocent victim here.
But you'll be splitting
our family up.
No, your mother
took care of that.
Hey, buddy.
How you doing?
Fine.
You can't keep
eating yourself up.
Look, I know you're
depressed about Duke...
I'm eating
because I'm liberated.
No more Duke hovering
over my shoulder
shouting, "Lean and green!"
So you're telling me
you're happy you two broke up?
Sure, I'm sad he's gone,
but if he can't see
that I did him a favor
by outing him,
that's his problem.
Boo!
What the hell
are you doing here?
Yeah, did you get lost
on the way to the donut shop?
Oh, and did you
bring any with you?
I'm here to escort Lauren
to Principal Turner's office.
I knew it.
I'm exonerated.
See you deviants on Monday.
Out of my way, narc.
Okay, I'm dying to know.
Why would your dad
put you in detention?
Because he doesn't trust me
to be alone all day.
Why?
All you do is play Xbox.
He has his reasons.
Aw, come on!
Just one!
I'm starving and you've
got a 7-Eleven over there.
No, I need them all!
Fine.
Karma always has mints.
What you doing?
Uh, just looking
for a light refreshment.
Ooh, give me one.
You know what?
I really need to pee.
Come with me.
Amy, I though we got past
your fear of peeing alone.
It's not about that.
We need to talk now.
Lauren?
You're not supposed
to be here.
None of you are.
What is going on?
They were sneaking out, sir,
but don't worry, I caught 'em.
Any further infractions
will be met with detention
until the end
of the school year.
Are we clear?
Yes, sir.
How could you take him back
after what he did to you?
- What?
- Take who back?
We caught Lauren and Theo
making out in the hallway.
After Amy and I
helped you out him?
You outed Theo too?
Why am I not surprised?
Lauren, he arrested
my parents and me and Amy.
Because he was protecting
our secret.
Oh, Lauren,
when are you gonna learn?
Secrets always come out.
Yeah, because you out them!
Raise your hand
if you've been outed
by Shane Harvey.
Thank you for your support.
Oh, no, this isn't support.
You've got a real problem
outing people.
If you hadn't outed Duke,
you wouldn't be
in this situation right now,
so just admit it.
I'll admit it if you admit
you're a corporate sellout
and the whole artist thing
was a joke.
Lauren,
you can't take him back
He's only gonna hurt you again.
I don't give a [bleep]
what you think,
but you better
keep it a secret,
because if this comes out,
Theo loses his job.
Fine,
I'll keep your secret
if you promise
you won't tell Bruce
that thing
I don't want you to tell him.
What thing?
The fact that your mom
is [bleep]ing your dad?
That's who you caught your mom
with in the motel room?
Why did you keep that from me?
We agreed,
no more secrets between us.
I know, but I knew
that you would be
all mad and judgy
because you hate my dad.
I hate how he blows in here
once in a blue moon
if and when he pleases.
He's a war journalist, Karma.
He doesn't exactly decide
when wars start or end.
Wait, you didn't cut school
to see a film.
You cut school to see him.
Busted.
I'm guilty for spending time
with my father.
No, you're guilty of
yet another lie.
Maybe we should all
take a deep breath.
See this is exactly
what happens when people
aren't their true
authentic selves.
Oh, enough with
the self-righteous bull[bleep].
You act like you did Duke
some huge favor
by outing him,
but you're guilt-eating
everything in this room
that isn't made of plastic.
You can't just
do the wrong thing
and then pretend it's
for the right reason.
Excellent point, Booker.
Keeping Farrah's secret
is wrong.
And claiming it's
to keep our family together
doesn't make it right.
She swore
it didn't mean anything,
so can we just forget about it
and move on?
Wow, why does that
sound familiar?
Oh, yeah.
That's what you said
when you slept with Liam.
Like mother,
like daughter.
Let's just sweep it
under the rug.
I'm surprised there's
any room left under there.
You're one to talk
about secrets.
Okay, what's this?
Oh, it's a check from
Max Booker for $250,000.
What's that about,
Karma?
- What the hell is going on?
- That's a big check.
No, like, seriously,
that's twice the standard size.
After we got back from L.A.,
your father offered me
that check
to stay away from you.
- And you took it?
- No!
Not yet.
I-I-I haven't cashed it.
Yeah, but you haven't
torn it up either.
Who wouldn't consider
taking $250,000?
I've been such an idiot.
It could help my parents
get back on their feet,
help pay for college.
How could I not consider it
for even a second?
After you left L.A.,
Zita kissed me.
She made it very clear
she wanted more,
but I turned her down.
It didn't take me a week
to think about it.
Oh, yeah, well, too bad
you didn't think
before you slept with Amy.
Karma, please leave me
out of this.
Here we go again.
You're taking a bribe
to stay away from me,
but I'm the one
defending myself?
I'm not rich, Liam!
I didn't fall asleep in class
because I've been studying.
I've been working
every catering gig I could get.
And I live in
a freaking juice truck!
It's so besides the point,
it's not even funny.
If you were offered that money
to stay away from Amy,
you wouldn't have considered it
for one second.
Is he... crying?
You're right.
I'm a terrible person.
I outed you two as lesbians
because I didn't want Lauren
to win homecoming queen.
And I outed your pills because
I wanted to take you down.
And I outed Duke because...
I wanted to ruin his life.
Instead, he told me
he loved me.
And now he hates me.
And he should.
I hate me.
Shane, man, come on.
Ease up.
You did a bad thing, but that
doesn't make you a bad person.
I've forgiven you,
and what you did to me
was way worse.
Have you told him that
you're sorry?
It's too late.
He leaves in, like, an hour
to train
with some famous
Muy Thai fighter.
Well, then there's still time!
We're breaking you out of here.
Ready to form Voltron!
The '80s animated show...
Nobody?
Really?
Okay, we have one hour
until he checks in again.
But he locks the doors
on Saturdays.
Maybe we could get
a key somehow?
He's got it on his belt.
Oh, what about
the bathroom window?
It was open this morning.
The bathroom window?
That thing's tiny.
Regretting that jumbo bag
of Cheesaritos?
Let's roll.
I did go running today...
How are we gonna
get by him?
Pull the fire alarm.
Shane can sneak out
in the chaos.
- Ah!
- What?
Theo and I were
about to get caught,
so I created a distraction.
Didn't know those things spray
permanent ink.
That's how you got detention.
- I'll distract Turner.
- How?
I know what makes him tick.
- He's my dad.
- What?
Yeah, I don't
exactly advertise it.
It's not easy being the son
of the most-hated man on campus.
No, it's okay.
What happens in detention
stays in detention.
- Right?
- Right.
Right.
Hey, Dad?
You never call me that
at school.
What are you doing here?
Uh...
You remember when
you gave me the sex talk
and you said if I had
any questions,
I could ask you any time.
Of course.
Why do men have nipples?
Well, that's
an excellent question.
See, not many people
realize this,
but every embryo begins
developing as a female.
We'll never
make it in time.
Handled.
Book it, Theo.
And that's why masturbation
is perfectly healthy.
Uh, what a relief.
Good.
Let's get you back to detention.
Wait, I-I just...
I have a few more questions,
like, uh...
Is oral sex really sex?
Or does sex require, um...
I can't believe
you stopped at a red.
What kind of granny cop
are you?
Can you just turn on
the siren?
Look, there are
strict regulations
governing the use
of the siren.
And, Amy, how can you
possibly be carsick?
Stick your head
out the window.
Dogs do it all the time
and they never barf.
I'm sorry I busted you
about the check.
That wasn't cool.
No, I'm sorry.
I was way too harsh
about Hank.
It's just, I see
how hard it is on you
when he leaves
and...
it just makes me
a little crazy.
Glad you two made up.
We were all so worried.
- Petrified.
- This light is taking forever!
I can't take it anymore.
Go, go, go!
I better not
lose my job over this.
To some people,
fellatio... cunnilingus...
are more intimate
than actual penetration,
while to others,
anilingus is
the most intimate.
Duke!
I'm so sorry.
It's all my fault.
What are you
doing here, Shane?
I want to come clean.
Please hear me out.
Please don't puke in the car.
I'll find some water.
- Uh...
- I need air.
Oh, God...
Okay.
You gonna be okay?
'Cause if you die,
I want your room.
And your blow-dryer.
I'm sorry I
pressured you to lie.
If you want to tell Bruce,
I understand.
As much as I do not
forgive Farrah,
I'm not gonna tell Daddy.
I don't want them
to split up either.
This... step-sister thing
isn't so bad.
Do you think they'll make it?
I don't know.
It was a pretty big betrayal.
Even if Duke wants
to forgive him,
he might not be able to.
Yeah, well,
maybe Shane doesn't know
what else he can do.
I wish I didn't
have to think about this.
I wish I hadn't given you
a reason to.
If I could take it all back,
I would.
I'm so, so sorry.
Thank you.
I never thought I'd hear
you say you were wrong.
Need to hustle, son.
We need to be at the airport
in 15 minutes.
What... you're leaving?
But I apologized.
You forgave me.
I said I accepted
your apology.
I didn't say I forgive you.
Stay, please.
I can't.
That's enough
sex questions for now.
Well, just explain
why people
want to have
sex with animals.
Dad...
You've completed
your detention.
I hope you all learned
a little something
about yourselves today.
And I hope I never have
to see you here again.
You're dismissed.
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
So where do we go from here?
Home.
It's over.
Remember, what happens
in detention...
Stays in detention.
Got it.
So...
You're all gonna forget now
that I'm going back
in the school to join my dad.
Oh, we'll never forget.
But we won't spill.
♪ Dancing
You know it, baby ♪
♪ Tell me your troubles
and doubts ♪
Want a ride home?
No, I'll walk.
Need to burn off
a few thousand extra calories.
♪ Love's strange,
so real in the dark ♪
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'll be fine.
You know, it was
a long time coming.
I'm ready for a change,
you know?
New leaf, new page.
New haircut.
♪ When the light gets
into your heart, baby ♪
- You want a ride?
- Nah.
I wouldn't want to intrude
on father-daughter time.
- Hey, Karma.
- Hey, Hank.
Glad to see you weren't
kidnapped in Syria.
You believe
no one wanted me?
- Bye.
- ♪ Don't you ♪
♪ Forget about me ♪
♪ Will you stand above me? ♪
♪ Look my way
never love me ♪
I am so excited
to be spending time
with my favorite daughter.
- That you know of.
- That I know of.
All right, look.
We've got some options.
There's a new photo show
at Yard Dog Gallery
or there's a haunted
walking tour of downtown.
How much time
do we have?
All day.
Well, all afternoon.
I gotta fly
to Moscow tonight.
- Moscow?
- Yeah, new assignment.
♪ Rain keeps falling down ♪
Look, Dad...
Your job is cool.
I get it.
It's... it's exciting
and dangerous,
and it matters.
But I matter, too,
and you can't just keep
blowing into my life
and making me hope
you're gonna be there for me,
and then blow right out.
If you're gonna be my dad,
then you have to be my dad,
and not just
in between assignments.
♪ Don't you try to pretend ♪
♪ It's my feeling
we'll win in the end ♪
♪ I won't harm you
or touch your defenses ♪
Amanda.
Hey, uh...
Yeah, I-I'm out.
They gotta get somebody else.
I want to stay in Austin.
♪ Don't you forget about me ♪
♪ I'll be alone
Dancing, you know it, baby ♪
Gallery first?
Yeah.
♪ Going to take you apart ♪
Liam.
♪ Together at heart, baby ♪
- ♪ Don't you forget about me ♪
- _
♪ Don't, don't, don't, don't ♪
- ♪ Don't you forget about me ♪
- _
♪ As you walk on by... ♪
Hey.
♪ Somewhere I could hide ♪
Can I stay here for a while?
I brought food.
Mi casa es su casa.
But no more eating my feelings.
♪ It's grilled cheese ♪
Maybe just a tear or two.
♪ All my friends ♪
Hey, what...
Oh, I'm sorry.
I made the mistake of
telling my parents
about the breakup,
and now they're
smothering me with love
and psychobabble
about new beginnings
and rising from the ashes
and...
Can I have my old room back?
Just for a night.
Please.
Yeah, I'll just...
I'll sleep on the couch.
Hey.
Have you ever
had your heart broken?
Uh...
Yeah.
When my mom died.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't know.
How'd you get through it?
♪ All my friends ♪
♪ Sitting on the fence ♪
There's no magic bullet.
You just...
You do it.
One day at a time.
♪ They'll never rush
to my defense ♪
Next on "Faking It"...
We were hook-up hunters.
And the world was our prey.
- We will start tonight.
- Yeah!
I can't believe
you haven't told PFLAG
that I'm not a lesbian.
It would mean
the world to her
if you two would go together.
- Dad, that's insane.
- I have boundaries.
No more handholding,
no slow dancing.
Voila!
No feelings!
- Yeah, we'll do it.
- Let's be lesbians.
Again.