Fairfax (2021–…): Season 2, Episode 3 - Episode #2.3 - full transcript
♪ Sup ♪
♪ Fam? ♪
♪ Mmm... ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ On the day ♪
♪ We arrived on Fairfax ♪
- ♪ Fairfax ♪
- ♪ Blinged-out ♪
♪ Stepping into the sun ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Well, there's more
to be copped ♪
♪ Than could ever be copped ♪
♪ More drip
than could ever be dropped ♪
♪ It's the circle of hype ♪
♪ And it moves us all... ♪
♪ And it moves us all ♪
♪ It's the circle ♪
♪ Of hype ♪
♪ The circle of hype ♪ ♪
♪ Oh... ♪
- ♪ Waitin' for the... ♪
- ♪ Drop ♪
- ♪ Waitin' for... ♪
- ♪ The drop ♪
- ♪ Waitin' for the ♪
- ♪ Oh... ♪
♪ Waitin' for the ♪ ♪
[indistinct chatter]
Ooh!
Take it in, Dale.
The Fairfax Flea Market.
- [squawking]
- I know I always say nature sucks,
but this is an ecosystem
I can get behind.
[growling]
[monkey screeching sounds]
- [snarling]
- [Dale] Wow.
I-I always thought fleas were
where you got furniture made out
of license plates, but this is
like a hypebeast Disneyland.
[chuckles] Yeah.
Minus the racist log ride.
Oh, and the racist
Jungle Cruise.
Oh, and the racist
little people world.
Wait. Uh-uh.
This place is famous, Dale.
All the legends found their look
at the Fairfax Flea.
Yeah, it's where
Billie Eilish found
her double-XL Gucci shorts.
And where Tupac found
his bandana!
And where Melody gets
her sense of entitlement!
- [chuckles] Ooh. Savage.
- [chuckling]
Super savage. [chuckles]
- [giggles nervously] - No.
- Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
Damn, D, Melody still got you
all up in your feelings?
She's messing with my head,
bruh.
That's why it's time
for a little retail therapy.
I'm gonna find a jacket
that tells that two-faced biotch
I'm not interested.
Unless she changes her mind.
Wish me luck.
A'ight, Dale, you ready to flea?
[chuckles] Oh, yeah.
And I got
a little something something
I've been saving
for a special occasion.
♪ ♪
The 1969
GT California Radio Flyer.
Less than a hundred were made.
I spent three years
restoring this wagon.
It is my life. It is my love...
It is only gonna slow us down.
This shit is lame as hell.
What? No way.
Think of all the Latrine gear
we can fill this puppy with.
Touché, Dale.
Now you're thinking
like a real dealer.
Yo, Tru, you coming with?
My boy Rico
just got in a hot new batch
of vintage Latrine gear.
Not today, boys.
I got a shopping list longer
than a CVS receipt.
Yah. [chuckles]
I got to up my production game.
'Cause there are full-blown
seven-year-old auteurs
making Chrissy Nolan movies
on TikTok right now, man.
[Benny] Suit yourself, Tru.
Let's roll, Dale.
Don't forget to hydrate, boys.
It's a scorcher today.
Ooh! Hey, Ms. Rubin,
what's with this boomer vape?
Is this how y'all got lifted
during the Great Depression?
[laughs] No, baby,
that's my talk box.
It's like, uh, Auto-Tune's dad.
Go ahead. Say something into it.
♪ I once saw Damien Chazelle
at Yoshinoya ♪ ♪
Whoa, this is sick.
[hawk cries]
Hmm, where is it? Where is it?
[groaning]
What the...?
Ugh. [grunts]
Hey. Out of my way,
Sergeant Thick.
Sherman.
Hmm.
Weird. We should have hit my boy
Rico three Gucci booths ago.
All this Off-Brian shit's
messing with my head.
Ooh, maybe he's this way.
♪ ♪
- Hmm.
- Dale, no!
That's the Shady Side.
We don't go that way.
We stay in the sun,
where the good good is.
But how can one side be good
and another be bad?
I don't make the rules, cuh.
The culture does!
And that's where the old brands
go to die.
But it's so hot out.
A little shade
sounds kind of nice.
[groans] Okay, just this once.
But stay close.
It's mad shady
on the Shady Side.
[cawing]
Hmm.
[gasps] Mmm!
- Looking for something special?
- [gasps]
We got Daisy Dukes
that solve your BFF beef,
band tees to deal
with your daddy issues
or how 'bout
some vintage Nudie jeans
that are guaranteed
to make your ex cry?
Yeah, I'm actually thinking
more along the lines
of a "reinvent myself
post-rejection jacket."
The section
behind the stack of hangers
should have
what you're looking for, girl.
Uh...
Yo!
Holy shit.
♪ ♪
That one screams "new you."
Ooh, yeah!
Elle Fanning white,
fresh-ass fringe.
- I'll take it.
- You sure you don't want a bag?
- It's really hot.
- [chuckles]
I know, right?
I'm never taking it off.
It's who I am now.
Bury me in it.
♪ Molly Percocet,
Molly Percocet ♪
♪ All my grandma's underpants
are beige ♪ ♪
Oh, that was inspired, Tru.
You sound like Peter Frampton.
But sad, like Frank Ocean.
Took me back
to my Percocet days.
Just kidding! [chuckles]
No, I'm not. Mmm.
Truman, these are my girls,
Jan, Barb
- and Other Barb.
- [Truman] Hold up, Trini.
- Are you in a mom band?
- [chuckles]
No, no, no. We just jam together
on weekends.
You want to come jam with us?
You're a pretty good improvisor.
Uh, you know, that sounds fun,
but I-I just got a lot
on my plate right now.
- [laughing] - Jesus.
- What?
Being a writer/director's
a full-time job.
Truman, no one has more to do
than a freaking mom.
- Am I right, ladies?
- That's right. - [laughing]
Come on! Come play with us!
Screw it.
♪ I'm in ♪ ♪
[cheering, laughing]
[Other Barb] You guys,
I'm half-empty.
[groaning]
- [screeches]
- [gasps]
- [gasps]
- [groaning]
[gasps] Benny, look!
Prehistoric porn!
[grunts] Don't touch that, Dale.
- That's how you get HPV. [gasps]
- Yo, yo,
I got a pair of drop crotches
with your name on it.
Shoo! Get away!
- Hyah! Hyah-hyah!
- [clanging]
These are vile creatures. Don't
make eye contact with them.
Scuse me. Hi there. Dale Rubin.
Love your fanny collection.
- [whimpering]
- Would you be so kind as to point me
in the direction
of the Latrine booth?
Latrine, you say?
Okay, let me ask someone.
- Hey, Doris! Tandy! Jeremiah!
- What have you done?
[Fanny Lady] We got
a little somebody over here
- looking for a La-Trine?
- Move, move, move!
Go! [panting]
Gah!
My wagon!
Damn you, shoddy terrain!
Fuck, Dale. I told you
that shit would slow us down!
Hey! Fuck off, flea people!
I got an EpiPen
and I'm not afraid to use it!
[whirring]
- Aah!
- [man] Oh, yeah.
[Benny and Dale whimper]
Looks like you got
a busted wheel, my man.
Name's Lorelai.
I got a few hover spares
back at base camp
that might do the trick.
Whoa, what happened
to your legs, mister?
Christmas, 2018. Faulty battery.
Boom! Blew my legs clean off!
And you're still riding them?
Oh, hell yes.
Boarding is my life, man.
I'd sooner die
than stop hoverin'.
Yep, I've repaired
over 300 boards in my day, man.
And I can sure as hell
help you out on that
Oregon Trail wagon of yours.
Oh, that would be amazing.
[chuckles] Thank you so much.
[quietly] Hey, these people
are fucking shady, Dale.
I'm just gonna say it...
they seem pretty cool to me.
Ugh, fine.
But as soon as it's fixed,
we hit the road back
to the Sunny Side
before all that good shit
is gone.
[Lorelai] All right, gentlemen,
right this way.
Welcome to base camp.
Whoa.
Oh...
[♪ Darude: "Sandstorm"]
[grunts]
[video game blipping]
Wow.
This place rules.
[Lorelai] Yeah.
Pretty sweet, right?
Are you insane?
Don't compliment
these street urchins.
[gasps] Benny, look!
[gasps, grunting]
Latrine?
On the Shady Side?
- Hu...
- [chirping]
No, no, no, no...!
- [♪ Alice Longyu Gao: "Karma is a Witch"]
- ♪ Money, money, geez ♪
♪ Pay me money, money, pay me
money, money, money, money ♪
♪ Pay me money, money,
pay me money, money, p-p-pay ♪
♪ Karma is a boss,
karma is a witch ♪
♪ I'm the pretty
Sailor Moon princess ♪
♪ Coming to you now,
gonna make you ow ♪
♪ Watch out for this,
cut you with a big kiss ♪
- Mwah!
- ♪ If you want to fake, then you're never safe ♪
♪ In the name of love
and justice...
That girl looks like
she's never been rejected.
[laughs] What if I haven't?
♪ Punish you...
I'm from Tween Vogue Japan.
Can I snap this outfit?
You'll make lots of girls jelly.
♪ Pyun-pyun-pyun, pyun-pyun,
pyun-pyun-pyun-pyun ♪
- [panting]
- ♪ Pyun-pyun-pyun, pyun-pyun, pyun-pyun-pyun-pyun! ♪ ♪
Huh?
Hmm.
♪ Punish you ♪
- ♪ Pyun-pyun-pyun, pyun-pyun, pyun-pyun-pyun ♪ ♪
- Yeah. [strained gasp]
This doesn't make any sense.
Yep. Sorry to say, my man,
but the writing's on the wall.
The circle of hype is running
its natural course.
Off-Brian's taking over,
and Latrine is all but cooked.
But it ain't all bad.
Take Tiff, for instance.
She's waited patiently,
and now she's finally moving on.
Wh-What do you mean,
"moving on"?
She's headed back
to the Sunny Side, baby.
Off-Brian did a collab
with Abercrombie.
Next thing you know,
Crombie's cool again.
♪ ♪
You see, Benny?
Latrine might be cool again.
[growling]
In, like, 20 years.
Oh, I think I'm gonna be sick.
- [grunts]
- Okay, okay, you're gonna be all right.
Here, sip on one
of these bad boys.
- Help you take the edge off.
- [groans]
This is bullshit.
What can I say, man?
Fashion's a fickle mistress.
But now you got to do
as the circle of hype dictates.
And...
- die?
- [Lorelai] Don't think of it like death.
Think of it as freedom, man.
Now go! Bask in the shade
of your fellow ride-or-die'ers!
Oh...
Huh?
- [cheering]
- Oh, wow.
Oh.
Whoa.
- Huh?
- [Lorelai] Uh-uh-uh.
You got to let him hover solo
on this one.
Besides, we got a wagon to fix.
♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh ♪
♪ Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah ♪
Oh! [laughs] How do you feel?
I feel like Bruno Mars,
but taller, cooler...
♪ And without a felony
possession ♪
♪ Expunged from my record ♪ ♪
- All right!
- [Other Barb] Boom!
Yeah. Killed it!
Hey, hey. Yes, Truman!
[laughter, whooping]
Oh, shoot.
We're on in an hour!
- Wait. When you say, "On in an hour..."
- Yeah.
We're performing behind
the food truck at 4:00 p.m.
Pretty sweet, right?
But I thought
we was just jamming!
[chuckles] This is
the pre-jam before the jam.
It's all good, Tru.
Performing is
a different game, Trini.
I got to be honest.
We're not ready.
Not even close!
Seriously, it's super chill.
We're on
after a damn ventriloquist.
Okay, okay, we need costumes,
makeup, lighting for sure. Wait.
- We don't even have a name.
- Yeah, we do.
Trini & the C-Sections.
♪ That is a very
invasive surgery ♪ ♪
[panting]
[slowly] Hey, girls.
Super hot, right?
Whew. Yo.
I need water.
[groans]
Yikes, Der Bear.
You're scaring away
the customers.
I'm just kidding. I-I don't
have any customers yet,
but are you okay?
Don't be jelly, Grant Bear.
I just need
an ice-cold lemonade.
[gasps]
Hey.
♪ ♪
[♪ Louis the Child & EARTHGANG:
"Big Love"]
[applause and cheering]
♪ Here and now,
I'm-a say it real loud ♪
♪ It's a new day,
'nother spin gone round ♪
♪ Look around,
we alive right now ♪
♪ Stackin' up big love
till it's over ♪
♪ Get high,
we don't care if it's legal ♪
♪ I see the beauty
in the little things ♪
♪ Hear the music
when the wind blows ♪
♪ Turn these moments
into memories ♪
♪ Don't overthink it,
keep it simple ♪
♪ Spread love like a miracle ♪
♪ Here and now,
I'm-a say it real loud ♪
♪ It's a new day,
'nother spin gone round...
- [groaning]
- Ouch! Ouch!
Barb, if we want to shine,
we're gonna have to do something
to distract
from that frizzy-ass bob.
Ladies, I don't
hear you playing.
♪ ♪
Uh, uh, uh, uh.
If this was a film set,
I'd shut us down
because we are not ready!
Other Barb, do you want
to take this seriously or not?
How many times
do we have to tell you? Not!
[laughter]
Listen, Tru,
I brought you into the mom band
because I thought
it'd be fun for you,
but you're harshing the vibes.
Even Other Barb's bugging,
and she can't be shook.
She was in labor for 46 hours.
No epidural.
Uh, I hear you, Trini,
but performances
aren't supposed to be chill.
They're choreographed, they're
focused, they're coordinated.
That is how greatness
is achieved.
No offense, but I'm not trying
to be a backup singer.
- [gasps]
- Go on.
I mean, that might have
been fine for you,
but I'm trying to be Prince.
If we're not trying
to be God level,
then why are we even here?
I don't know why
I wasted my time with y'all.
You know what? I quit.
[groans]
Ugh!
[hissing]
[Lorelai] Do the honors,
my mini boarder.
♪ Hey now! ♪
Wow! It is bitchin', Lorelai.
I can't wait to show Benny.
Hey, speaking of which,
has anyone seen Benny?
- Over here, brah.
- There you are.
Look, uh, today was a great
cultural exchange,
but my mom's performing soon,
and if you want to cop some
good stuff, we got to go now.
- Uh, I'm not going anywhere, Dale.
- What?
Don't you see?
This is the good stuff.
I'm a man of the shade now.
These are my people.
I no longer have my finger
on the cultural pulse,
- and I've never felt more alive.
- [chirping]
But you are Mr. Sunny Side.
Can't fight nature, brah.
I've taken a wife.
I've made a home.
We already have a baby
that's actually a cake.
[Dale sighs]
Mmm. Mmm!
Fuck, that's delicious.
- Just promise you'll never forget me, Dale.
- [Dale] But...
- No buts. Go on.
- Ah.
- Get! Get out of here!
- [whimpers]
Just text me
when you guys are leaving.
[gasps]
Where am I?
You came to the flea market
for some retail therapy.
Tell me, Derica,
what's going on?
Oh, where do I begin,
Dr. Jacket?
You do have a PhD, right?
Girl, please.
Well, things have been confusing
with this girl
I'm crushing on.
[echoes] You mean Melody?
How'd you know?
I'm a figment
of your imagination.
Oh, right.
[yelling]
[groans]
Well, she opened up to me,
then totally shut me out,
and I don't know anymore.
- Mm-hmm.
- I just feel like an idiot.
You zipped up your emotions
for too long,
turning your collar
to the world
while you play it cool.
I know. It feels good
to stay buttoned up,
but if you don't open up
every once in a while,
you'll never feel...
[echoes] the breeze.
Damn.
That's a deep pocket, Dr. J.
And look, if Melody isn't
the right fit, forget her.
There are plenty
of other jackets on the rack.
[grunts]
Gosh dang it, come on! Ugh!
[overlapping chatter]
"Brake." "The."
Yup, yup, I got it.
Break the circle of hype.
Okay, let's do it.
So great doing business
with you, ma'am, and by the way,
my flea colleague
Susan over there has some
beautifully rhinestoned jeans
if you'd like to peruse further.
- Okay. That's it.
- [customer screams] - Oh.
- Hey, Dale.
- It's time for some serious fanny talk, mister.
Just because you found some
Latrine shirts on the Shady Side
doesn't mean there isn't a place
for it in the sun.
Face it, Dale.
Latrine isn't the shit anymore,
and neither am I.
You're gonna have
to find a new sherpa.
- Bullshit!
- [others gasping]
That's right.
Dale Rubin said "Bullshit."
It's hot,
and I haven't napped today.
You want to cozy up
in one of Pierre's Snuggies?
- Oui? Oui?
- [Dale] No!
They're just backward robes,
and everyone knows it!
Oui. Oui.
I'm sorry.
Again, have not napped.
Okay, look,
the Benny I know would never
just lay down and die like
my dad's vape coozy business
probably eventually will.
The Benny I know
would freaking fight!
You're the tightest kid
I know, man,
and Latrine can still
be tight, too.
It's only trash
if you let it be trash.
Dale, you're devaluing
some of my favorite words,
but damn it, you're right.
For once in your sweet,
sheltered, Boy Scout life,
you're right.
We got to do something.
[groaning]
How you doing, Mr. Artist?
Not good. Now I got
to add tape to my list.
I just don't know why
the C-Sections can't
take this more seriously.
'Cause it's okay to fuck around
every once in a while.
Look, Tru, you think
Prince was born Prince?
Prince wasn't shit
when he started out.
Actually, Trini, Prince signed
a record deal at 19,
and played all 27 instruments
on his 1978 debut album,
For You,
and he negotiated owning
his own masters, so...
Doggone Wikipedia.
The truth is,
being shitty at something
is the only way
you get good at it.
Aren't you embarrassed
to be performing
with a bunch of winos?
Like, for real,
Other Barb has a problem.
I do it 'cause it's fun,
not 'cause it's good.
There's value in that, too.
Damn! How did you get
so wise, Trini?
[gasps] Did you pick that up
from Prince?
Nope. It's a mom thing,
but he did teach me how
to make a French omelet.
Hold up. Did you and Prince,
uh, smash?
Boy, if you don't
get the hell out of here.
You think I'm talking
to you about my sex life?
Ugh. Okay. Listen,
if you want to have some fun,
we'll be waiting for you.
If you want to take care
of your little movie list,
that's cool, too.
I don't know, Dr. J.
I mean, what if
it's a sample sale,
and all of the good jackets
are taken?
Here's the thing, Derica.
Jacket DesJacket said
that jackets are generally
- jacket by jacket.
- [Derica] What?!
Yo! Come on.
This is fucked up!
- [distorted chatter]
- [screaming]
Aah! My arms!
[Derica whimpers, gasps]
Hey, you okay? You passed out
from heat stroke. Here.
[gasps]
Hi. Thanks.
We had to cut your jacket off.
Oh, no! Stop!
Don't look at me!
I'm nothing
without my jacket.
[laughs]
I don't know.
I think it looks pretty sweet
as a vest.
Ah.
Thanks. [laughs]
I'm Jacket.
I mean, I'm Derica.
Harmony.
Flea people,
friends of the shade,
Slim Shadys,
played-out, Lion King DVD
peddlers, lend me your ears!
We've been told our time
in the sun would come!
We've waited patiently.
And for what?
For Selena Gomez to show up
at the VMAs wearing our shit?!
[overlapping crowd chatter]
We don't need Selena
to tell us what's dope!
- We know what's dope!
- [shouting in agreement]
Tell 'em, little bruh.
Tell 'em!
Fuck the circle of hype.
- [applause and cheering]
- It's time we take action.
Today, we reclaim the sun!
Now who's with me?!
- [applause and cheering]
- Yeah!
Let's show the world
that our brands won't go down
without a fight!
- Fuckin' kill em!
- Yeah!
And I'm taking
these Playboys with me.
♪ ♪
[whooshing]
Okay, guys,
let's fuck some shit up!
[applause and cheering]
How we doing, flea market?
We're Trini
and the C-Sections!
[whooping and applause]
And proudly,
on backup Talk Box, me, Truman!
Ey, sorry I'm late, y'all.
I couldn't get
through the entrance
with that big-ass chip
on my shoulder, but we good now.
- You ready to rock with me, Fairfax?!
- [applause and cheering]
Here's a buttery chard
for all the mamas out there.
[band plays upbeat tune]
[rumbling]
- [shattering]
- Huh?
What the hell?!
[crowd gasping, yelling]
Oh, my God!
Die, Sunny Siders!
- Charge!
- [yelling]
Yeah!
Oppa Gangnam Style!
Aah! Please don't kill me!
Dale, look. With the hot swag
being sold next to old shit,
all of the booths
have lost their value!
I have no idea
what anything's worth anymore!
Aha! We did it!
Nothing can stop us!
[rolling thunder]
Shit! Rain!
Cover your wares!
[shouting and screaming]
Dale, this way!
Don't be a stranger, guys.
Goodbye, Lorelai!
See you on the Sunny Side.
Thanks for saving me, Dale.
No sweat.
Guess who just made $20?
Who wants to rock out to some
tunes and get absolutely soaked?
♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh,
oh, oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ Oh...
[laughing and whooping]
- Rock out!
- [cheering]
¡Que rico!
[both vocalizing]
♪ The block is hot ♪
♪ ♪
♪ The block is hot ♪
♪ ♪
♪ The block is hot ♪
♪ ♪
♪ The block is hot ♪ ♪
Chirp.
♪ Fam? ♪
♪ Mmm... ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ On the day ♪
♪ We arrived on Fairfax ♪
- ♪ Fairfax ♪
- ♪ Blinged-out ♪
♪ Stepping into the sun ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Well, there's more
to be copped ♪
♪ Than could ever be copped ♪
♪ More drip
than could ever be dropped ♪
♪ It's the circle of hype ♪
♪ And it moves us all... ♪
♪ And it moves us all ♪
♪ It's the circle ♪
♪ Of hype ♪
♪ The circle of hype ♪ ♪
♪ Oh... ♪
- ♪ Waitin' for the... ♪
- ♪ Drop ♪
- ♪ Waitin' for... ♪
- ♪ The drop ♪
- ♪ Waitin' for the ♪
- ♪ Oh... ♪
♪ Waitin' for the ♪ ♪
[indistinct chatter]
Ooh!
Take it in, Dale.
The Fairfax Flea Market.
- [squawking]
- I know I always say nature sucks,
but this is an ecosystem
I can get behind.
[growling]
[monkey screeching sounds]
- [snarling]
- [Dale] Wow.
I-I always thought fleas were
where you got furniture made out
of license plates, but this is
like a hypebeast Disneyland.
[chuckles] Yeah.
Minus the racist log ride.
Oh, and the racist
Jungle Cruise.
Oh, and the racist
little people world.
Wait. Uh-uh.
This place is famous, Dale.
All the legends found their look
at the Fairfax Flea.
Yeah, it's where
Billie Eilish found
her double-XL Gucci shorts.
And where Tupac found
his bandana!
And where Melody gets
her sense of entitlement!
- [chuckles] Ooh. Savage.
- [chuckling]
Super savage. [chuckles]
- [giggles nervously] - No.
- Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
Damn, D, Melody still got you
all up in your feelings?
She's messing with my head,
bruh.
That's why it's time
for a little retail therapy.
I'm gonna find a jacket
that tells that two-faced biotch
I'm not interested.
Unless she changes her mind.
Wish me luck.
A'ight, Dale, you ready to flea?
[chuckles] Oh, yeah.
And I got
a little something something
I've been saving
for a special occasion.
♪ ♪
The 1969
GT California Radio Flyer.
Less than a hundred were made.
I spent three years
restoring this wagon.
It is my life. It is my love...
It is only gonna slow us down.
This shit is lame as hell.
What? No way.
Think of all the Latrine gear
we can fill this puppy with.
Touché, Dale.
Now you're thinking
like a real dealer.
Yo, Tru, you coming with?
My boy Rico
just got in a hot new batch
of vintage Latrine gear.
Not today, boys.
I got a shopping list longer
than a CVS receipt.
Yah. [chuckles]
I got to up my production game.
'Cause there are full-blown
seven-year-old auteurs
making Chrissy Nolan movies
on TikTok right now, man.
[Benny] Suit yourself, Tru.
Let's roll, Dale.
Don't forget to hydrate, boys.
It's a scorcher today.
Ooh! Hey, Ms. Rubin,
what's with this boomer vape?
Is this how y'all got lifted
during the Great Depression?
[laughs] No, baby,
that's my talk box.
It's like, uh, Auto-Tune's dad.
Go ahead. Say something into it.
♪ I once saw Damien Chazelle
at Yoshinoya ♪ ♪
Whoa, this is sick.
[hawk cries]
Hmm, where is it? Where is it?
[groaning]
What the...?
Ugh. [grunts]
Hey. Out of my way,
Sergeant Thick.
Sherman.
Hmm.
Weird. We should have hit my boy
Rico three Gucci booths ago.
All this Off-Brian shit's
messing with my head.
Ooh, maybe he's this way.
♪ ♪
- Hmm.
- Dale, no!
That's the Shady Side.
We don't go that way.
We stay in the sun,
where the good good is.
But how can one side be good
and another be bad?
I don't make the rules, cuh.
The culture does!
And that's where the old brands
go to die.
But it's so hot out.
A little shade
sounds kind of nice.
[groans] Okay, just this once.
But stay close.
It's mad shady
on the Shady Side.
[cawing]
Hmm.
[gasps] Mmm!
- Looking for something special?
- [gasps]
We got Daisy Dukes
that solve your BFF beef,
band tees to deal
with your daddy issues
or how 'bout
some vintage Nudie jeans
that are guaranteed
to make your ex cry?
Yeah, I'm actually thinking
more along the lines
of a "reinvent myself
post-rejection jacket."
The section
behind the stack of hangers
should have
what you're looking for, girl.
Uh...
Yo!
Holy shit.
♪ ♪
That one screams "new you."
Ooh, yeah!
Elle Fanning white,
fresh-ass fringe.
- I'll take it.
- You sure you don't want a bag?
- It's really hot.
- [chuckles]
I know, right?
I'm never taking it off.
It's who I am now.
Bury me in it.
♪ Molly Percocet,
Molly Percocet ♪
♪ All my grandma's underpants
are beige ♪ ♪
Oh, that was inspired, Tru.
You sound like Peter Frampton.
But sad, like Frank Ocean.
Took me back
to my Percocet days.
Just kidding! [chuckles]
No, I'm not. Mmm.
Truman, these are my girls,
Jan, Barb
- and Other Barb.
- [Truman] Hold up, Trini.
- Are you in a mom band?
- [chuckles]
No, no, no. We just jam together
on weekends.
You want to come jam with us?
You're a pretty good improvisor.
Uh, you know, that sounds fun,
but I-I just got a lot
on my plate right now.
- [laughing] - Jesus.
- What?
Being a writer/director's
a full-time job.
Truman, no one has more to do
than a freaking mom.
- Am I right, ladies?
- That's right. - [laughing]
Come on! Come play with us!
Screw it.
♪ I'm in ♪ ♪
[cheering, laughing]
[Other Barb] You guys,
I'm half-empty.
[groaning]
- [screeches]
- [gasps]
- [gasps]
- [groaning]
[gasps] Benny, look!
Prehistoric porn!
[grunts] Don't touch that, Dale.
- That's how you get HPV. [gasps]
- Yo, yo,
I got a pair of drop crotches
with your name on it.
Shoo! Get away!
- Hyah! Hyah-hyah!
- [clanging]
These are vile creatures. Don't
make eye contact with them.
Scuse me. Hi there. Dale Rubin.
Love your fanny collection.
- [whimpering]
- Would you be so kind as to point me
in the direction
of the Latrine booth?
Latrine, you say?
Okay, let me ask someone.
- Hey, Doris! Tandy! Jeremiah!
- What have you done?
[Fanny Lady] We got
a little somebody over here
- looking for a La-Trine?
- Move, move, move!
Go! [panting]
Gah!
My wagon!
Damn you, shoddy terrain!
Fuck, Dale. I told you
that shit would slow us down!
Hey! Fuck off, flea people!
I got an EpiPen
and I'm not afraid to use it!
[whirring]
- Aah!
- [man] Oh, yeah.
[Benny and Dale whimper]
Looks like you got
a busted wheel, my man.
Name's Lorelai.
I got a few hover spares
back at base camp
that might do the trick.
Whoa, what happened
to your legs, mister?
Christmas, 2018. Faulty battery.
Boom! Blew my legs clean off!
And you're still riding them?
Oh, hell yes.
Boarding is my life, man.
I'd sooner die
than stop hoverin'.
Yep, I've repaired
over 300 boards in my day, man.
And I can sure as hell
help you out on that
Oregon Trail wagon of yours.
Oh, that would be amazing.
[chuckles] Thank you so much.
[quietly] Hey, these people
are fucking shady, Dale.
I'm just gonna say it...
they seem pretty cool to me.
Ugh, fine.
But as soon as it's fixed,
we hit the road back
to the Sunny Side
before all that good shit
is gone.
[Lorelai] All right, gentlemen,
right this way.
Welcome to base camp.
Whoa.
Oh...
[♪ Darude: "Sandstorm"]
[grunts]
[video game blipping]
Wow.
This place rules.
[Lorelai] Yeah.
Pretty sweet, right?
Are you insane?
Don't compliment
these street urchins.
[gasps] Benny, look!
[gasps, grunting]
Latrine?
On the Shady Side?
- Hu...
- [chirping]
No, no, no, no...!
- [♪ Alice Longyu Gao: "Karma is a Witch"]
- ♪ Money, money, geez ♪
♪ Pay me money, money, pay me
money, money, money, money ♪
♪ Pay me money, money,
pay me money, money, p-p-pay ♪
♪ Karma is a boss,
karma is a witch ♪
♪ I'm the pretty
Sailor Moon princess ♪
♪ Coming to you now,
gonna make you ow ♪
♪ Watch out for this,
cut you with a big kiss ♪
- Mwah!
- ♪ If you want to fake, then you're never safe ♪
♪ In the name of love
and justice...
That girl looks like
she's never been rejected.
[laughs] What if I haven't?
♪ Punish you...
I'm from Tween Vogue Japan.
Can I snap this outfit?
You'll make lots of girls jelly.
♪ Pyun-pyun-pyun, pyun-pyun,
pyun-pyun-pyun-pyun ♪
- [panting]
- ♪ Pyun-pyun-pyun, pyun-pyun, pyun-pyun-pyun-pyun! ♪ ♪
Huh?
Hmm.
♪ Punish you ♪
- ♪ Pyun-pyun-pyun, pyun-pyun, pyun-pyun-pyun ♪ ♪
- Yeah. [strained gasp]
This doesn't make any sense.
Yep. Sorry to say, my man,
but the writing's on the wall.
The circle of hype is running
its natural course.
Off-Brian's taking over,
and Latrine is all but cooked.
But it ain't all bad.
Take Tiff, for instance.
She's waited patiently,
and now she's finally moving on.
Wh-What do you mean,
"moving on"?
She's headed back
to the Sunny Side, baby.
Off-Brian did a collab
with Abercrombie.
Next thing you know,
Crombie's cool again.
♪ ♪
You see, Benny?
Latrine might be cool again.
[growling]
In, like, 20 years.
Oh, I think I'm gonna be sick.
- [grunts]
- Okay, okay, you're gonna be all right.
Here, sip on one
of these bad boys.
- Help you take the edge off.
- [groans]
This is bullshit.
What can I say, man?
Fashion's a fickle mistress.
But now you got to do
as the circle of hype dictates.
And...
- die?
- [Lorelai] Don't think of it like death.
Think of it as freedom, man.
Now go! Bask in the shade
of your fellow ride-or-die'ers!
Oh...
Huh?
- [cheering]
- Oh, wow.
Oh.
Whoa.
- Huh?
- [Lorelai] Uh-uh-uh.
You got to let him hover solo
on this one.
Besides, we got a wagon to fix.
♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh ♪
♪ Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah ♪
Oh! [laughs] How do you feel?
I feel like Bruno Mars,
but taller, cooler...
♪ And without a felony
possession ♪
♪ Expunged from my record ♪ ♪
- All right!
- [Other Barb] Boom!
Yeah. Killed it!
Hey, hey. Yes, Truman!
[laughter, whooping]
Oh, shoot.
We're on in an hour!
- Wait. When you say, "On in an hour..."
- Yeah.
We're performing behind
the food truck at 4:00 p.m.
Pretty sweet, right?
But I thought
we was just jamming!
[chuckles] This is
the pre-jam before the jam.
It's all good, Tru.
Performing is
a different game, Trini.
I got to be honest.
We're not ready.
Not even close!
Seriously, it's super chill.
We're on
after a damn ventriloquist.
Okay, okay, we need costumes,
makeup, lighting for sure. Wait.
- We don't even have a name.
- Yeah, we do.
Trini & the C-Sections.
♪ That is a very
invasive surgery ♪ ♪
[panting]
[slowly] Hey, girls.
Super hot, right?
Whew. Yo.
I need water.
[groans]
Yikes, Der Bear.
You're scaring away
the customers.
I'm just kidding. I-I don't
have any customers yet,
but are you okay?
Don't be jelly, Grant Bear.
I just need
an ice-cold lemonade.
[gasps]
Hey.
♪ ♪
[♪ Louis the Child & EARTHGANG:
"Big Love"]
[applause and cheering]
♪ Here and now,
I'm-a say it real loud ♪
♪ It's a new day,
'nother spin gone round ♪
♪ Look around,
we alive right now ♪
♪ Stackin' up big love
till it's over ♪
♪ Get high,
we don't care if it's legal ♪
♪ I see the beauty
in the little things ♪
♪ Hear the music
when the wind blows ♪
♪ Turn these moments
into memories ♪
♪ Don't overthink it,
keep it simple ♪
♪ Spread love like a miracle ♪
♪ Here and now,
I'm-a say it real loud ♪
♪ It's a new day,
'nother spin gone round...
- [groaning]
- Ouch! Ouch!
Barb, if we want to shine,
we're gonna have to do something
to distract
from that frizzy-ass bob.
Ladies, I don't
hear you playing.
♪ ♪
Uh, uh, uh, uh.
If this was a film set,
I'd shut us down
because we are not ready!
Other Barb, do you want
to take this seriously or not?
How many times
do we have to tell you? Not!
[laughter]
Listen, Tru,
I brought you into the mom band
because I thought
it'd be fun for you,
but you're harshing the vibes.
Even Other Barb's bugging,
and she can't be shook.
She was in labor for 46 hours.
No epidural.
Uh, I hear you, Trini,
but performances
aren't supposed to be chill.
They're choreographed, they're
focused, they're coordinated.
That is how greatness
is achieved.
No offense, but I'm not trying
to be a backup singer.
- [gasps]
- Go on.
I mean, that might have
been fine for you,
but I'm trying to be Prince.
If we're not trying
to be God level,
then why are we even here?
I don't know why
I wasted my time with y'all.
You know what? I quit.
[groans]
Ugh!
[hissing]
[Lorelai] Do the honors,
my mini boarder.
♪ Hey now! ♪
Wow! It is bitchin', Lorelai.
I can't wait to show Benny.
Hey, speaking of which,
has anyone seen Benny?
- Over here, brah.
- There you are.
Look, uh, today was a great
cultural exchange,
but my mom's performing soon,
and if you want to cop some
good stuff, we got to go now.
- Uh, I'm not going anywhere, Dale.
- What?
Don't you see?
This is the good stuff.
I'm a man of the shade now.
These are my people.
I no longer have my finger
on the cultural pulse,
- and I've never felt more alive.
- [chirping]
But you are Mr. Sunny Side.
Can't fight nature, brah.
I've taken a wife.
I've made a home.
We already have a baby
that's actually a cake.
[Dale sighs]
Mmm. Mmm!
Fuck, that's delicious.
- Just promise you'll never forget me, Dale.
- [Dale] But...
- No buts. Go on.
- Ah.
- Get! Get out of here!
- [whimpers]
Just text me
when you guys are leaving.
[gasps]
Where am I?
You came to the flea market
for some retail therapy.
Tell me, Derica,
what's going on?
Oh, where do I begin,
Dr. Jacket?
You do have a PhD, right?
Girl, please.
Well, things have been confusing
with this girl
I'm crushing on.
[echoes] You mean Melody?
How'd you know?
I'm a figment
of your imagination.
Oh, right.
[yelling]
[groans]
Well, she opened up to me,
then totally shut me out,
and I don't know anymore.
- Mm-hmm.
- I just feel like an idiot.
You zipped up your emotions
for too long,
turning your collar
to the world
while you play it cool.
I know. It feels good
to stay buttoned up,
but if you don't open up
every once in a while,
you'll never feel...
[echoes] the breeze.
Damn.
That's a deep pocket, Dr. J.
And look, if Melody isn't
the right fit, forget her.
There are plenty
of other jackets on the rack.
[grunts]
Gosh dang it, come on! Ugh!
[overlapping chatter]
"Brake." "The."
Yup, yup, I got it.
Break the circle of hype.
Okay, let's do it.
So great doing business
with you, ma'am, and by the way,
my flea colleague
Susan over there has some
beautifully rhinestoned jeans
if you'd like to peruse further.
- Okay. That's it.
- [customer screams] - Oh.
- Hey, Dale.
- It's time for some serious fanny talk, mister.
Just because you found some
Latrine shirts on the Shady Side
doesn't mean there isn't a place
for it in the sun.
Face it, Dale.
Latrine isn't the shit anymore,
and neither am I.
You're gonna have
to find a new sherpa.
- Bullshit!
- [others gasping]
That's right.
Dale Rubin said "Bullshit."
It's hot,
and I haven't napped today.
You want to cozy up
in one of Pierre's Snuggies?
- Oui? Oui?
- [Dale] No!
They're just backward robes,
and everyone knows it!
Oui. Oui.
I'm sorry.
Again, have not napped.
Okay, look,
the Benny I know would never
just lay down and die like
my dad's vape coozy business
probably eventually will.
The Benny I know
would freaking fight!
You're the tightest kid
I know, man,
and Latrine can still
be tight, too.
It's only trash
if you let it be trash.
Dale, you're devaluing
some of my favorite words,
but damn it, you're right.
For once in your sweet,
sheltered, Boy Scout life,
you're right.
We got to do something.
[groaning]
How you doing, Mr. Artist?
Not good. Now I got
to add tape to my list.
I just don't know why
the C-Sections can't
take this more seriously.
'Cause it's okay to fuck around
every once in a while.
Look, Tru, you think
Prince was born Prince?
Prince wasn't shit
when he started out.
Actually, Trini, Prince signed
a record deal at 19,
and played all 27 instruments
on his 1978 debut album,
For You,
and he negotiated owning
his own masters, so...
Doggone Wikipedia.
The truth is,
being shitty at something
is the only way
you get good at it.
Aren't you embarrassed
to be performing
with a bunch of winos?
Like, for real,
Other Barb has a problem.
I do it 'cause it's fun,
not 'cause it's good.
There's value in that, too.
Damn! How did you get
so wise, Trini?
[gasps] Did you pick that up
from Prince?
Nope. It's a mom thing,
but he did teach me how
to make a French omelet.
Hold up. Did you and Prince,
uh, smash?
Boy, if you don't
get the hell out of here.
You think I'm talking
to you about my sex life?
Ugh. Okay. Listen,
if you want to have some fun,
we'll be waiting for you.
If you want to take care
of your little movie list,
that's cool, too.
I don't know, Dr. J.
I mean, what if
it's a sample sale,
and all of the good jackets
are taken?
Here's the thing, Derica.
Jacket DesJacket said
that jackets are generally
- jacket by jacket.
- [Derica] What?!
Yo! Come on.
This is fucked up!
- [distorted chatter]
- [screaming]
Aah! My arms!
[Derica whimpers, gasps]
Hey, you okay? You passed out
from heat stroke. Here.
[gasps]
Hi. Thanks.
We had to cut your jacket off.
Oh, no! Stop!
Don't look at me!
I'm nothing
without my jacket.
[laughs]
I don't know.
I think it looks pretty sweet
as a vest.
Ah.
Thanks. [laughs]
I'm Jacket.
I mean, I'm Derica.
Harmony.
Flea people,
friends of the shade,
Slim Shadys,
played-out, Lion King DVD
peddlers, lend me your ears!
We've been told our time
in the sun would come!
We've waited patiently.
And for what?
For Selena Gomez to show up
at the VMAs wearing our shit?!
[overlapping crowd chatter]
We don't need Selena
to tell us what's dope!
- We know what's dope!
- [shouting in agreement]
Tell 'em, little bruh.
Tell 'em!
Fuck the circle of hype.
- [applause and cheering]
- It's time we take action.
Today, we reclaim the sun!
Now who's with me?!
- [applause and cheering]
- Yeah!
Let's show the world
that our brands won't go down
without a fight!
- Fuckin' kill em!
- Yeah!
And I'm taking
these Playboys with me.
♪ ♪
[whooshing]
Okay, guys,
let's fuck some shit up!
[applause and cheering]
How we doing, flea market?
We're Trini
and the C-Sections!
[whooping and applause]
And proudly,
on backup Talk Box, me, Truman!
Ey, sorry I'm late, y'all.
I couldn't get
through the entrance
with that big-ass chip
on my shoulder, but we good now.
- You ready to rock with me, Fairfax?!
- [applause and cheering]
Here's a buttery chard
for all the mamas out there.
[band plays upbeat tune]
[rumbling]
- [shattering]
- Huh?
What the hell?!
[crowd gasping, yelling]
Oh, my God!
Die, Sunny Siders!
- Charge!
- [yelling]
Yeah!
Oppa Gangnam Style!
Aah! Please don't kill me!
Dale, look. With the hot swag
being sold next to old shit,
all of the booths
have lost their value!
I have no idea
what anything's worth anymore!
Aha! We did it!
Nothing can stop us!
[rolling thunder]
Shit! Rain!
Cover your wares!
[shouting and screaming]
Dale, this way!
Don't be a stranger, guys.
Goodbye, Lorelai!
See you on the Sunny Side.
Thanks for saving me, Dale.
No sweat.
Guess who just made $20?
Who wants to rock out to some
tunes and get absolutely soaked?
♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh,
oh, oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ Oh...
[laughing and whooping]
- Rock out!
- [cheering]
¡Que rico!
[both vocalizing]
♪ The block is hot ♪
♪ ♪
♪ The block is hot ♪
♪ ♪
♪ The block is hot ♪
♪ ♪
♪ The block is hot ♪ ♪
Chirp.