F Troop (1965–1967): Season 2, Episode 21 - A Horse of Another Color - full transcript
The wild horse that the Captain wants to capture for Jane, O'Rourke wants to sell to the circus.
[♪♪♪]
[LIQUID BUBBLING]
Well. There it is, Agarn.
AGARN: Sarge, this is beautiful.
Hm. Now, this is the
best idea you ever had
for O'Rourke Enterprises.
You're a genius.
You're just saying
that because it's true.
No, no, no. You'll
go down in history.
Right alongside Robert
Fulton and his steamboat.
Eli Whitney and his cotton gin.
And now: Morgan
O'Rourke and his horse wash.
[CLAPS HANDS]
Hit the water, Smokey Bear.
Right, Crazy Cat.
All right. Give him
good polish job now.
Get all those spots there.
Okay.
Ready for rinsing, chief.
Sorry about that.
Crazy Cat!
How would you like
punch in the nose?!
But not do it on purpose, chief.
Well, of course he didn't.
It's just that, well,
we haven't got
all the bugs worked out yet.
Chief, why don't
you just step back?
We'll soap you
up, sponge you off,
and you won't have to take
your Saturday night bath.
That's not very funny, Agarn.
Why you mad, chief?
This first time
you ever cleaner
than your horse.
[♪♪♪]
Why you do that, chief?
Tribe that bathes
together, stays together!
Whoa. Wait a minute.
[HOOFBEATS POUNDING]
Do you hear that, Agarn?
Sounds like a bunch of horses.
Over there.
There.
Look off down
there in the canyon.
Well, sarge, it's just
a herd of wild horses.
Yeah, but I think
the king of that herd
is that great
stallion, Black Devil.
[SNAPS] Oh, that's the horse
you were telling me
about the other day.
That's right. Hey.
[CHUCKLES] Look at that.
Sarge, he is really beautiful.
You know something, if
we could capture that horse,
we could make a fortune.
Sell him to that Wild West show
that's coming to town.
I think we're a
little late, sarge.
Somebody's already
fenced in the canyon.
[WHINNIES]
[HORSES WHINNYING]
Won't do them any good.
Not with Black Devil
leading that herd.
[WHINNYING]
[HORSES WHINNYING]
See what I mean?
I bet I could figure out
a way to trap that horse.
No chance.
That Black Devil
is really smart.
Are you trying to say that
I'm not as smart as an animal?
I didn't say that at all.
You're as smart
as a lot of animals.
Cows, gophers, turkeys.
But not horses.
Now, that's the cruelest
thing you've ever said.
I was only kidding, buddy.
But we have got to figure out
a way to capture Black Devil.
Well, we'll figure
out something, sarge.
No horse is gonna
make a monkey out of me.
Okay.
Oh, Wilton, that Black Devil's
the handsomest
thing I've ever seen.
Oh. Really, Jane?
I mean, he's the
handsomest thing on four legs.
You are the handsomest
thing on two legs.
I mean, how would you
feel about the two of us
if I had four legs?
Well, in that case,
the first thing I'd
want is two more legs.
You'd need them to keep
up with all those fillies
that would be chasing me.
Oh, Wilton.
I'd give anything in the world
to have a horse
like Black Devil.
When's your birthday?
Next week.
Oh, th... That soon?
Wilton, in order to catch
a horse like Black Devil,
a man would have
to be a great roper.
Oh, I don't know.
I've been watching
those cowboys.
I'll bet I could handle
a rope pretty well.
Here. Now... Now...
Now, watch this. Watch.
I'm going to...
I'm going to thr... Oh. Heh-heh.
I'm going to throw
this right over
that tree stump over there.
Now, watch this.
Oh, Wilton.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Men.
Uh...
Something we do for you?
Yes. I was wondering
if one of you
might know of
somebody in F Troop
who was a cowboy
in civilian life.
I don't know of anybody, sir.
Me neither, captain.
I was looking through
the service records,
and I couldn't find one.
I did find out that
some of the men
certainly had interesting
civilian occupations.
I know that Vanderbilt
used to work
in a dress factory
as a bustle inspector.
That's right. He did.
I know Trooper Barnes
used to sell musical snuffboxes.
That's correct too.
But I'll bet never of you
know what Duddleson did
in civilian life.
No, sir. What did he do?
He was a female
impersonator for a carnival.
He was? That's right.
He was known as Lady Godiva.
That's one act I'd
like to have seen.
Well, I guess I'd
better go into town
and see if one of the cowboys
can teach me how to rope.
I can teach you,
sir. I used to rope
alligators on my mama's swamp.
Really, Dobbs?
Sure thing, captain.
Can I have your
rope? Thank you, sir.
I was a great roper
myself, captain,
before I got that bullet
wound at the Alamo.
Oh, yeah. Yes, I remember that.
Yes, sir. There we
were, me and Davy.
Crockett, that is.
Shoulder to shoulder
and backs to the wall.
Cannonballs to the left of us.
Cannonballs to the right of us.
Poor old Davy just
turns to me and says:
"Duffy," he says, "we'll
get out of this somehow."
And by George, we did.
Hey, that's very good, Dobbs.
Thank you, sir.
Come on, I'll show you.
The narrowest escape
that I had was the next day.
That's when I got it...
Well, here's okay, captain.
Now, you just hold it like this,
and you swing it
around like this.
And then you let it out.
And it'll drop over whatever
you're trying to rope.
Oh. Let me try,
Dobbs. Sure, captain.
Uh... like this? That's right.
Now, just swing it around gently
and let it drop over my head.
Well, to be honest
with you, I should be
practicing on a moving target.
Oh?
[WHISPERS] You see,
Jane's birthday is coming up.
I wanna rope that wild
stallion, Black Devil,
and give him to her
as a birthday gift.
Black Devil?
It's the only thing
I could think of
for a girl who has everything.
In that case, sir, I'll
pretend I'm a horse,
and you try to rope
me as I run around.
Oh, fine, Dobbs. Fine.
And if you do a good
job, I'll rub your nose.
[BOTH LAUGH]
That's funny, captain.
You'll need a sense of humor
if you try to rope Black Devil.
Uh. Let's give it a
try, Dobbs. Right, sir.
[IMITATES HORSE WHINNY]
Did you say something, Dobbs?
Uh, no, sir. I was
just whinnying.
Oh. Yeah, that's very good.
Ready, sir?
Look out, sir!
A bottle of perfume makes
a nice birthday gift for a girl.
No. I wanna get her that horse,
and I've got to
learn how to rope,
or somebody's
liable to beat me to it.
You want Hekawis to go
out to capture wild horse?
Boy, did you come
to wrong tribe.
Our people don't
like wild horses.
To tell you truth,
not wild about
tame horses either.
I'm surprised at
you, Wild Eagle.
You must have the only
Indian tribe in the country
who's afraid to go on
a wild horse roundup.
Another Hekawi first.
Now, wait a minute, chief.
You've got horses in this camp.
Now, don't tell me
they were just trotting by
and decided to drop in.
You're right. All
Hekawi horses drop-ins.
Oh, we also have a few dropouts.
Come on, Agarn.
We should've known
better than to come up here.
They couldn't catch a pussycat.
WILD EAGLE: That not true.
Hekawis catch
pussycats all the time.
Well, goody for you.
Catch horses the same
way we catch pussycats.
How's that?
Use catnip for cats.
And horsenip for horses.
Horsenip?
Boys, I think your
headbands are a little too tight.
Chief speak the truth.
This old Hekawi
mixture of secret herbs.
Just hide around camp,
and pretty soon, wild horses
come down from hills into camp.
Drive them out of their
alfalfa-picking minds.
Wait a minute. Let
me get this straight.
You mean, just
hiding that stuff,
you can catch wild horses?
That and $10.
Where do we hide the $10?
In my pocket.
All right. You got
yourself a deal.
If it don't work, we
get our money back.
Guarantee it to work.
On a good day, you can
even pick up a few pussycats.
Think Black Devil's still
down in that canyon, sarge?
Well, I'll take a look.
Yeah. Well, he's
down there, all right.
[WHINNIES]
Go ahead and sprinkle
that stuff around.
Right, sarge.
[CHUCKLES]
[CLEARS THROAT]
We'll come back later,
and Black Devil will be ours.
I didn't use it all up, sarge.
Good thinking. In case we
don't get him the first time.
Right. [CHUCKLES] Oh.
Uh...
listen, I think we
ought to celebrate.
I'm with you, sarge.
Oh... Hey, sarge. Huh?
How much do you think
we'll get for that horse
from that Wild West show?
Well, I don't know, but I
heard about a guy at Dodge
that sold a stallion that
wasn't half the horse
that Black Devil is for 300.
Music to my ears. [CHUCKLES]
And an... An
investment of $10, huh?
Sarge, we could corner
the entire wild-horse market.
Shall we celebrate?
Scully... two beers.
[PIANO PLAYING LIVELY MUSIC]
I'd like to propose a toast.
To you, sarge. A man who's
gonna capture Black Devil.
Now. Oh, no.
Now, Agarn, you deserve
as much credit as I do.
After all, you thought
of going to the Indians.
Yeah, but you found the horse.
All right. Then to
the both of us. Ah.
Now, sarge, there
is a beautiful horse.
Yeah, he sure is.
Black Devil! Black Devil!
[WHINNYING]
[♪♪♪]
You wanted to see
me? Yes, sarge.
[CLEARS THROAT] Now...
we know that Black
Devil is too smart
to go for the horsenip twice.
Right. Right?
[CLEARS THROAT] I've
come up with a new plan.
It had better be a good one.
That Wild West show
is leaving town tonight.
I've been thinking, sarge.
The one thing boys
are always looking for...
is girls.
Agarn, I got no
time for a lecture
on the birds and the bees.
What about the
birds and the bees?
Some other time.
What's the plan?
Well, Black Devil
is a boy horse.
Right.
He's gotta be
looking for a girl horse.
Agarn, he's got 20
fillies in his herd already.
Well, now, wouldn't
you get tired
waking up every
morning looking at
the same old tired horse faces?
Now, well, yeah, you
got a point there, I guess.
Here's my plan.
We take the
best-looking filly we got,
take her up to the clearing.
And you can bet me that
Black Devil is gonna come
trotting around
to look her over.
[CHUCKLING] You
know, I believe you're right.
How about Queenie here? Huh?
All wrong.
Why is that?
Bad legs.
Oh.
Uh, Daisy.
Daisy won't work.
Why is that?
Too hippy. Doesn't
watch her figure.
Oh, I know. Eats like a horse.
Yeah, come to think of it,
she does have a... A build
kind of like that
girl you used to date
over in Dodge City. Heh.
Are you kidding?
If that girl had a
figure like Daisy,
I'd still be dating her.
Well, Lulubell.
Never.
What do you mean, never?
She hates men. How do you know?
She hates me! Huh.
Look, you seem to be
an authority on girl horses.
Who would you suggest?
Well, there's only
one choice, sarge.
Zelda.
Zelda?
Yep.
Gentlemen always prefer blonds.
Well, she's a beauty,
all right. I'll say that.
Wonderful personality.
Lovely disposition.
[WHINNYING]
And a great sense of humor.
All right. [CLEARS THROAT]
You take her up to the clearing.
I'll go bargain with
those Wild West people,
and meet you up
there as quick as I can.
Right.
Now, Zelda, don't be nervous.
You're not the first girl
who ever went
out on a blind date.
I'll make you look... pretty.
You know, you look
adorable in bangs.
Now, when Black Devil arrives...
you let him think that he's
sweeping you off your feet.
And I'll be hiding in back
of that rock over there.
And when he comes
up close to nuzzle you,
I'll throw the rope around him.
Now, you just be having a...
casual snack when he comes in.
Of course, he is a
big, good-looking thing,
so you just be...
friendly and outgoing.
And don't be forward. Men
don't like aggressive women.
Oh, Zelda. My baby.
If I could only find a
girl who looks like you.
I'm gonna hide now.
Just remember one thing:
don't play hard to get.
Steady now.
Steady now.
Don't be afraid.
Don't be afraid. Now,
no... Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Nobody's going
to hurt you. Whoa.
Capt. Parmenter. What
are you doing up here, sir?
Well, hi, corporal. I'm
roping a wild horse.
A wild horse? Whoa,
boy. Whoa, boy.
You'd better say, "Whoa, girl."
What? That's
Zelda from the fort.
I'll be darned. It is Zelda.
I didn't recognize her in bangs.
But it's her, all right.
Gee, I'm not sure
I like her in bangs.
Captain. Never mind the hairdo.
Why are you trying
to rope a wild horse?
Well, actually,
I'm just practicing.
I'm trying to capture that
famous stallion, Black Devil.
You're trying to
capture Black Devil?
Right. I'm going
to give him to Jane
as a birthday surprise.
A surprise for Jane?
That's right. What
are you doing here?
Well, to be perfectly
frank with you, captain...
I'm going to try to
capture Black Devil myself.
Oh.
Well, in that case,
corporal, all I can say is...
may the better roper win.
No, captain. I'm gonna
help you capture Black Devil.
No, no, no. You
don't have to do that.
Captain, if you
wanna give that horse
as a gift to the
girl you love...
and you came up here
to risk your life
against Black Devil
with just that tiny piece
of rope in your hand...
well, that is just
the sweetest thing
I've ever heard.
Corporal, there, there.
Now, that's certainly
very nice of you.
Just one thing that bothers me.
What's that?
How are we gonna gift-wrap him?
Oh. Well, we'll
think of something.
By the way, why did
you bring Zelda up here?
That's part of my plan, sir.
See, I figure that a boy horse
is always looking
for a girl horse.
Oh. That's very good, Agarn.
Sort of like the birds
and the bees. Heh-heh.
What about the
birds and the bees?
Heh. Some other time, corporal.
[HORSE WHINNIES]
That must be Black Devil, sir.
Yes.
[♪♪♪]
Hey... Oh.
I begged Zelda not
to play hard to get.
[HORSE WHINNIES]
Corporal, better
get your rope ready.
[SNORTS, WHINNIES]
Oh-oh.
He's a lot bigger
than I thought he was.
Corporal, he's
coming right after us.
Whoa. Head for that cave!
[WHINNYING]
[GASPS]
[HORSE SNORTS, WHINNIES]
This is certainly an odd
turn of events, corporal.
We came up here to get
Black Devil, and he got us.
Let's just hope he
didn't promise his girl
a soldier for her birthday.
Hi, Dobbs.
No use going in there,
Janey. The captain's not in.
Well, where is he?
Out roping a wild horse.
Not Black Devil.
You said it, I didn't.
He didn't go out there
alone to rope that killer.
Oh, don't you worry
about the captain, Janey.
I taught him how
to use a lariat.
And you can bet
me that right now,
he's got that Black Devil
right where he wants him.
He's got us right
where he wants us.
Don't worry, captain.
This ought to do it.
Hm? What's that?
I'm gonna write this
note, wrap it around a rock,
throw it outside the cave.
Maybe somebody
will ride by and see it.
Uh... Let me see that.
Oh, corporal, we can't
throw out this note.
Well, why not?
Don't you think it
would be embarrassing
if somebody picks up a
piece of paper that says:
"Help. We've been
captured by a horse.
Signed, Capt. Wilton Parmenter,
United States Cavalry?"
But, captain... Black Devil
has had us a prisoner
in here for an hour.
And who knows how long
he plans to keep us here?
Now, corporal, the one
thing we have to guard against
is for both of us to panic.
Well, how about if
just one of us panics?
Say. Maybe there's
something in the Army manual
that will help us out.
Right, captain, the manual.
Ah... let me see
now. Uh... yeah.
"Soldiers, captured by...
"bandits, captured by Indians...
captured by pirates."
No. No, there's
nothing in here about
being captured by a horse.
That's the Army for you.
When you need them,
they never come through.
Well, you must admit, we're
probably the first soldiers
who've ever been held
prisoners by a horse.
Well, I can tell you
one thing, captain.
All that horse is
gonna get out of me
is my name, rank
and serial number.
Good man. I knew
you wouldn't crack.
[WHINNIES]
Maybe I shouldn't
have said that.
I don't think he liked it.
Corporal, I've got an idea.
What's that, captain?
There's an old saying that
music soothes the savage beast.
Well, I know another old saying:
They died with their boots on.
Certainly worth a try.
A little music might be just
the thing to calm him down.
But, captain...
if we could get out of this cave
to get to a piano,
we wouldn't have to
stop and play for him.
No, no, no. I'm... I'm
going to sing to him.
Well, I'll give you the beat
with my knocking knees.
Oh, what do you think
would be a nice tune?
How about "The Old Gray Mare,
She Ain't What She Used to Be"?
No, he might think we're
making fun of his mother.
Well, that's why
you're a captain
and I'm a corporal.
I've got it. I've got it.
[HUMMING]
[CLEARS THROAT]
♪ Rock a bye baby
On the treetop ♪
♪ When the wind blows
The cradle will rock ♪
♪ When the bough
breaks The cradle will fall ♪
♪ And down will come
baby Cradle and all ♪
[HUMMING]
[WHISPERS] It worked, Agarn.
He's asleep. Come on.
[WHISPERS] Corporal Agarn.
Corporal Agarn, wake up. Wake up.
What? What? What? Where are we?
Shh. You'll wake up Black Devil.
[WHINNIES]
It's too late.
[WHINNYING]
Whoa, boy. Steady.
He's mine, O'Rourke.
I saw him first.
Oh, no, you didn't.
Hey! Got him. He's mine.
What are you talking
about? He's mine.
I say... Wrangler,
what are you saying?
[BOTH YELLING]
Jane! Sarge!
[WHINNYING]
This horse is mine. Hey.
Wilton.
Get that rope! Ah...
You knucklehead,
you let him get away.
Oh, Wilton, I'm so proud of you.
Wanting to get me that
horse for my birthday.
Well, to tell you
the truth, Janey,
I'm kind of glad he got away.
Any horse with that much
spirit deserves to be free.
I agree with you, captain.
You know, it... would
kind of be a shame
to see a saddle on his back.
[WHINNYING]
Zelda.
Where were you
when we needed you?
I think we just lost
Zelda to Black Devil.
Yeah, but they're gonna make
a lovely couple, captain.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Is this mine?
Sarge... the horse wash
is working out just beautiful.
I tell you, we'll have
one of these things
leased at every livery
stable in the territory.
Hey, sarge.
Hey.
Hey. Black Devil.
He's come for a wash.
Well, a guy will do
anything when he's in love.
What are we gonna do, O'Rourke?
This one's on the house.
Oh, sarge.
That's the sweetest
thing I ever heard.
[WHINNIES]
[♪♪♪]
[LIQUID BUBBLING]
Well. There it is, Agarn.
AGARN: Sarge, this is beautiful.
Hm. Now, this is the
best idea you ever had
for O'Rourke Enterprises.
You're a genius.
You're just saying
that because it's true.
No, no, no. You'll
go down in history.
Right alongside Robert
Fulton and his steamboat.
Eli Whitney and his cotton gin.
And now: Morgan
O'Rourke and his horse wash.
[CLAPS HANDS]
Hit the water, Smokey Bear.
Right, Crazy Cat.
All right. Give him
good polish job now.
Get all those spots there.
Okay.
Ready for rinsing, chief.
Sorry about that.
Crazy Cat!
How would you like
punch in the nose?!
But not do it on purpose, chief.
Well, of course he didn't.
It's just that, well,
we haven't got
all the bugs worked out yet.
Chief, why don't
you just step back?
We'll soap you
up, sponge you off,
and you won't have to take
your Saturday night bath.
That's not very funny, Agarn.
Why you mad, chief?
This first time
you ever cleaner
than your horse.
[♪♪♪]
Why you do that, chief?
Tribe that bathes
together, stays together!
Whoa. Wait a minute.
[HOOFBEATS POUNDING]
Do you hear that, Agarn?
Sounds like a bunch of horses.
Over there.
There.
Look off down
there in the canyon.
Well, sarge, it's just
a herd of wild horses.
Yeah, but I think
the king of that herd
is that great
stallion, Black Devil.
[SNAPS] Oh, that's the horse
you were telling me
about the other day.
That's right. Hey.
[CHUCKLES] Look at that.
Sarge, he is really beautiful.
You know something, if
we could capture that horse,
we could make a fortune.
Sell him to that Wild West show
that's coming to town.
I think we're a
little late, sarge.
Somebody's already
fenced in the canyon.
[WHINNIES]
[HORSES WHINNYING]
Won't do them any good.
Not with Black Devil
leading that herd.
[WHINNYING]
[HORSES WHINNYING]
See what I mean?
I bet I could figure out
a way to trap that horse.
No chance.
That Black Devil
is really smart.
Are you trying to say that
I'm not as smart as an animal?
I didn't say that at all.
You're as smart
as a lot of animals.
Cows, gophers, turkeys.
But not horses.
Now, that's the cruelest
thing you've ever said.
I was only kidding, buddy.
But we have got to figure out
a way to capture Black Devil.
Well, we'll figure
out something, sarge.
No horse is gonna
make a monkey out of me.
Okay.
Oh, Wilton, that Black Devil's
the handsomest
thing I've ever seen.
Oh. Really, Jane?
I mean, he's the
handsomest thing on four legs.
You are the handsomest
thing on two legs.
I mean, how would you
feel about the two of us
if I had four legs?
Well, in that case,
the first thing I'd
want is two more legs.
You'd need them to keep
up with all those fillies
that would be chasing me.
Oh, Wilton.
I'd give anything in the world
to have a horse
like Black Devil.
When's your birthday?
Next week.
Oh, th... That soon?
Wilton, in order to catch
a horse like Black Devil,
a man would have
to be a great roper.
Oh, I don't know.
I've been watching
those cowboys.
I'll bet I could handle
a rope pretty well.
Here. Now... Now...
Now, watch this. Watch.
I'm going to...
I'm going to thr... Oh. Heh-heh.
I'm going to throw
this right over
that tree stump over there.
Now, watch this.
Oh, Wilton.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Men.
Uh...
Something we do for you?
Yes. I was wondering
if one of you
might know of
somebody in F Troop
who was a cowboy
in civilian life.
I don't know of anybody, sir.
Me neither, captain.
I was looking through
the service records,
and I couldn't find one.
I did find out that
some of the men
certainly had interesting
civilian occupations.
I know that Vanderbilt
used to work
in a dress factory
as a bustle inspector.
That's right. He did.
I know Trooper Barnes
used to sell musical snuffboxes.
That's correct too.
But I'll bet never of you
know what Duddleson did
in civilian life.
No, sir. What did he do?
He was a female
impersonator for a carnival.
He was? That's right.
He was known as Lady Godiva.
That's one act I'd
like to have seen.
Well, I guess I'd
better go into town
and see if one of the cowboys
can teach me how to rope.
I can teach you,
sir. I used to rope
alligators on my mama's swamp.
Really, Dobbs?
Sure thing, captain.
Can I have your
rope? Thank you, sir.
I was a great roper
myself, captain,
before I got that bullet
wound at the Alamo.
Oh, yeah. Yes, I remember that.
Yes, sir. There we
were, me and Davy.
Crockett, that is.
Shoulder to shoulder
and backs to the wall.
Cannonballs to the left of us.
Cannonballs to the right of us.
Poor old Davy just
turns to me and says:
"Duffy," he says, "we'll
get out of this somehow."
And by George, we did.
Hey, that's very good, Dobbs.
Thank you, sir.
Come on, I'll show you.
The narrowest escape
that I had was the next day.
That's when I got it...
Well, here's okay, captain.
Now, you just hold it like this,
and you swing it
around like this.
And then you let it out.
And it'll drop over whatever
you're trying to rope.
Oh. Let me try,
Dobbs. Sure, captain.
Uh... like this? That's right.
Now, just swing it around gently
and let it drop over my head.
Well, to be honest
with you, I should be
practicing on a moving target.
Oh?
[WHISPERS] You see,
Jane's birthday is coming up.
I wanna rope that wild
stallion, Black Devil,
and give him to her
as a birthday gift.
Black Devil?
It's the only thing
I could think of
for a girl who has everything.
In that case, sir, I'll
pretend I'm a horse,
and you try to rope
me as I run around.
Oh, fine, Dobbs. Fine.
And if you do a good
job, I'll rub your nose.
[BOTH LAUGH]
That's funny, captain.
You'll need a sense of humor
if you try to rope Black Devil.
Uh. Let's give it a
try, Dobbs. Right, sir.
[IMITATES HORSE WHINNY]
Did you say something, Dobbs?
Uh, no, sir. I was
just whinnying.
Oh. Yeah, that's very good.
Ready, sir?
Look out, sir!
A bottle of perfume makes
a nice birthday gift for a girl.
No. I wanna get her that horse,
and I've got to
learn how to rope,
or somebody's
liable to beat me to it.
You want Hekawis to go
out to capture wild horse?
Boy, did you come
to wrong tribe.
Our people don't
like wild horses.
To tell you truth,
not wild about
tame horses either.
I'm surprised at
you, Wild Eagle.
You must have the only
Indian tribe in the country
who's afraid to go on
a wild horse roundup.
Another Hekawi first.
Now, wait a minute, chief.
You've got horses in this camp.
Now, don't tell me
they were just trotting by
and decided to drop in.
You're right. All
Hekawi horses drop-ins.
Oh, we also have a few dropouts.
Come on, Agarn.
We should've known
better than to come up here.
They couldn't catch a pussycat.
WILD EAGLE: That not true.
Hekawis catch
pussycats all the time.
Well, goody for you.
Catch horses the same
way we catch pussycats.
How's that?
Use catnip for cats.
And horsenip for horses.
Horsenip?
Boys, I think your
headbands are a little too tight.
Chief speak the truth.
This old Hekawi
mixture of secret herbs.
Just hide around camp,
and pretty soon, wild horses
come down from hills into camp.
Drive them out of their
alfalfa-picking minds.
Wait a minute. Let
me get this straight.
You mean, just
hiding that stuff,
you can catch wild horses?
That and $10.
Where do we hide the $10?
In my pocket.
All right. You got
yourself a deal.
If it don't work, we
get our money back.
Guarantee it to work.
On a good day, you can
even pick up a few pussycats.
Think Black Devil's still
down in that canyon, sarge?
Well, I'll take a look.
Yeah. Well, he's
down there, all right.
[WHINNIES]
Go ahead and sprinkle
that stuff around.
Right, sarge.
[CHUCKLES]
[CLEARS THROAT]
We'll come back later,
and Black Devil will be ours.
I didn't use it all up, sarge.
Good thinking. In case we
don't get him the first time.
Right. [CHUCKLES] Oh.
Uh...
listen, I think we
ought to celebrate.
I'm with you, sarge.
Oh... Hey, sarge. Huh?
How much do you think
we'll get for that horse
from that Wild West show?
Well, I don't know, but I
heard about a guy at Dodge
that sold a stallion that
wasn't half the horse
that Black Devil is for 300.
Music to my ears. [CHUCKLES]
And an... An
investment of $10, huh?
Sarge, we could corner
the entire wild-horse market.
Shall we celebrate?
Scully... two beers.
[PIANO PLAYING LIVELY MUSIC]
I'd like to propose a toast.
To you, sarge. A man who's
gonna capture Black Devil.
Now. Oh, no.
Now, Agarn, you deserve
as much credit as I do.
After all, you thought
of going to the Indians.
Yeah, but you found the horse.
All right. Then to
the both of us. Ah.
Now, sarge, there
is a beautiful horse.
Yeah, he sure is.
Black Devil! Black Devil!
[WHINNYING]
[♪♪♪]
You wanted to see
me? Yes, sarge.
[CLEARS THROAT] Now...
we know that Black
Devil is too smart
to go for the horsenip twice.
Right. Right?
[CLEARS THROAT] I've
come up with a new plan.
It had better be a good one.
That Wild West show
is leaving town tonight.
I've been thinking, sarge.
The one thing boys
are always looking for...
is girls.
Agarn, I got no
time for a lecture
on the birds and the bees.
What about the
birds and the bees?
Some other time.
What's the plan?
Well, Black Devil
is a boy horse.
Right.
He's gotta be
looking for a girl horse.
Agarn, he's got 20
fillies in his herd already.
Well, now, wouldn't
you get tired
waking up every
morning looking at
the same old tired horse faces?
Now, well, yeah, you
got a point there, I guess.
Here's my plan.
We take the
best-looking filly we got,
take her up to the clearing.
And you can bet me that
Black Devil is gonna come
trotting around
to look her over.
[CHUCKLING] You
know, I believe you're right.
How about Queenie here? Huh?
All wrong.
Why is that?
Bad legs.
Oh.
Uh, Daisy.
Daisy won't work.
Why is that?
Too hippy. Doesn't
watch her figure.
Oh, I know. Eats like a horse.
Yeah, come to think of it,
she does have a... A build
kind of like that
girl you used to date
over in Dodge City. Heh.
Are you kidding?
If that girl had a
figure like Daisy,
I'd still be dating her.
Well, Lulubell.
Never.
What do you mean, never?
She hates men. How do you know?
She hates me! Huh.
Look, you seem to be
an authority on girl horses.
Who would you suggest?
Well, there's only
one choice, sarge.
Zelda.
Zelda?
Yep.
Gentlemen always prefer blonds.
Well, she's a beauty,
all right. I'll say that.
Wonderful personality.
Lovely disposition.
[WHINNYING]
And a great sense of humor.
All right. [CLEARS THROAT]
You take her up to the clearing.
I'll go bargain with
those Wild West people,
and meet you up
there as quick as I can.
Right.
Now, Zelda, don't be nervous.
You're not the first girl
who ever went
out on a blind date.
I'll make you look... pretty.
You know, you look
adorable in bangs.
Now, when Black Devil arrives...
you let him think that he's
sweeping you off your feet.
And I'll be hiding in back
of that rock over there.
And when he comes
up close to nuzzle you,
I'll throw the rope around him.
Now, you just be having a...
casual snack when he comes in.
Of course, he is a
big, good-looking thing,
so you just be...
friendly and outgoing.
And don't be forward. Men
don't like aggressive women.
Oh, Zelda. My baby.
If I could only find a
girl who looks like you.
I'm gonna hide now.
Just remember one thing:
don't play hard to get.
Steady now.
Steady now.
Don't be afraid.
Don't be afraid. Now,
no... Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Nobody's going
to hurt you. Whoa.
Capt. Parmenter. What
are you doing up here, sir?
Well, hi, corporal. I'm
roping a wild horse.
A wild horse? Whoa,
boy. Whoa, boy.
You'd better say, "Whoa, girl."
What? That's
Zelda from the fort.
I'll be darned. It is Zelda.
I didn't recognize her in bangs.
But it's her, all right.
Gee, I'm not sure
I like her in bangs.
Captain. Never mind the hairdo.
Why are you trying
to rope a wild horse?
Well, actually,
I'm just practicing.
I'm trying to capture that
famous stallion, Black Devil.
You're trying to
capture Black Devil?
Right. I'm going
to give him to Jane
as a birthday surprise.
A surprise for Jane?
That's right. What
are you doing here?
Well, to be perfectly
frank with you, captain...
I'm going to try to
capture Black Devil myself.
Oh.
Well, in that case,
corporal, all I can say is...
may the better roper win.
No, captain. I'm gonna
help you capture Black Devil.
No, no, no. You
don't have to do that.
Captain, if you
wanna give that horse
as a gift to the
girl you love...
and you came up here
to risk your life
against Black Devil
with just that tiny piece
of rope in your hand...
well, that is just
the sweetest thing
I've ever heard.
Corporal, there, there.
Now, that's certainly
very nice of you.
Just one thing that bothers me.
What's that?
How are we gonna gift-wrap him?
Oh. Well, we'll
think of something.
By the way, why did
you bring Zelda up here?
That's part of my plan, sir.
See, I figure that a boy horse
is always looking
for a girl horse.
Oh. That's very good, Agarn.
Sort of like the birds
and the bees. Heh-heh.
What about the
birds and the bees?
Heh. Some other time, corporal.
[HORSE WHINNIES]
That must be Black Devil, sir.
Yes.
[♪♪♪]
Hey... Oh.
I begged Zelda not
to play hard to get.
[HORSE WHINNIES]
Corporal, better
get your rope ready.
[SNORTS, WHINNIES]
Oh-oh.
He's a lot bigger
than I thought he was.
Corporal, he's
coming right after us.
Whoa. Head for that cave!
[WHINNYING]
[GASPS]
[HORSE SNORTS, WHINNIES]
This is certainly an odd
turn of events, corporal.
We came up here to get
Black Devil, and he got us.
Let's just hope he
didn't promise his girl
a soldier for her birthday.
Hi, Dobbs.
No use going in there,
Janey. The captain's not in.
Well, where is he?
Out roping a wild horse.
Not Black Devil.
You said it, I didn't.
He didn't go out there
alone to rope that killer.
Oh, don't you worry
about the captain, Janey.
I taught him how
to use a lariat.
And you can bet
me that right now,
he's got that Black Devil
right where he wants him.
He's got us right
where he wants us.
Don't worry, captain.
This ought to do it.
Hm? What's that?
I'm gonna write this
note, wrap it around a rock,
throw it outside the cave.
Maybe somebody
will ride by and see it.
Uh... Let me see that.
Oh, corporal, we can't
throw out this note.
Well, why not?
Don't you think it
would be embarrassing
if somebody picks up a
piece of paper that says:
"Help. We've been
captured by a horse.
Signed, Capt. Wilton Parmenter,
United States Cavalry?"
But, captain... Black Devil
has had us a prisoner
in here for an hour.
And who knows how long
he plans to keep us here?
Now, corporal, the one
thing we have to guard against
is for both of us to panic.
Well, how about if
just one of us panics?
Say. Maybe there's
something in the Army manual
that will help us out.
Right, captain, the manual.
Ah... let me see
now. Uh... yeah.
"Soldiers, captured by...
"bandits, captured by Indians...
captured by pirates."
No. No, there's
nothing in here about
being captured by a horse.
That's the Army for you.
When you need them,
they never come through.
Well, you must admit, we're
probably the first soldiers
who've ever been held
prisoners by a horse.
Well, I can tell you
one thing, captain.
All that horse is
gonna get out of me
is my name, rank
and serial number.
Good man. I knew
you wouldn't crack.
[WHINNIES]
Maybe I shouldn't
have said that.
I don't think he liked it.
Corporal, I've got an idea.
What's that, captain?
There's an old saying that
music soothes the savage beast.
Well, I know another old saying:
They died with their boots on.
Certainly worth a try.
A little music might be just
the thing to calm him down.
But, captain...
if we could get out of this cave
to get to a piano,
we wouldn't have to
stop and play for him.
No, no, no. I'm... I'm
going to sing to him.
Well, I'll give you the beat
with my knocking knees.
Oh, what do you think
would be a nice tune?
How about "The Old Gray Mare,
She Ain't What She Used to Be"?
No, he might think we're
making fun of his mother.
Well, that's why
you're a captain
and I'm a corporal.
I've got it. I've got it.
[HUMMING]
[CLEARS THROAT]
♪ Rock a bye baby
On the treetop ♪
♪ When the wind blows
The cradle will rock ♪
♪ When the bough
breaks The cradle will fall ♪
♪ And down will come
baby Cradle and all ♪
[HUMMING]
[WHISPERS] It worked, Agarn.
He's asleep. Come on.
[WHISPERS] Corporal Agarn.
Corporal Agarn, wake up. Wake up.
What? What? What? Where are we?
Shh. You'll wake up Black Devil.
[WHINNIES]
It's too late.
[WHINNYING]
Whoa, boy. Steady.
He's mine, O'Rourke.
I saw him first.
Oh, no, you didn't.
Hey! Got him. He's mine.
What are you talking
about? He's mine.
I say... Wrangler,
what are you saying?
[BOTH YELLING]
Jane! Sarge!
[WHINNYING]
This horse is mine. Hey.
Wilton.
Get that rope! Ah...
You knucklehead,
you let him get away.
Oh, Wilton, I'm so proud of you.
Wanting to get me that
horse for my birthday.
Well, to tell you
the truth, Janey,
I'm kind of glad he got away.
Any horse with that much
spirit deserves to be free.
I agree with you, captain.
You know, it... would
kind of be a shame
to see a saddle on his back.
[WHINNYING]
Zelda.
Where were you
when we needed you?
I think we just lost
Zelda to Black Devil.
Yeah, but they're gonna make
a lovely couple, captain.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Is this mine?
Sarge... the horse wash
is working out just beautiful.
I tell you, we'll have
one of these things
leased at every livery
stable in the territory.
Hey, sarge.
Hey.
Hey. Black Devil.
He's come for a wash.
Well, a guy will do
anything when he's in love.
What are we gonna do, O'Rourke?
This one's on the house.
Oh, sarge.
That's the sweetest
thing I ever heard.
[WHINNIES]
[♪♪♪]