F Troop (1965–1967): Season 1, Episode 30 - Johnny Eagle Eye - full transcript
O'Rourke and Agarn get Wild Eagle's nephew entered into the Army sharp shooting contest.
[BUGLE PLAYS "CHARGE"]
♪ The end of the
Civil War Was near ♪
♪ When quite accidentally ♪
♪ A hero who sneezed
Abruptly seized ♪
♪ Retreat And
reversed it to victory ♪
♪ His Medal of Honor
Pleased and thrilled ♪
♪ His proud little
Family group ♪
♪ While pinning it on
Some blood was spilled ♪
♪ And so it was
planned He'd command ♪
♪ F Troop! ♪
♪ Where Indian fights
Are colorful sights ♪
♪ And nobody takes a lickin' ♪
♪ Where paleface and redskin ♪
♪ Both turn chicken ♪
♪ When drilling and
fighting Get them down ♪
♪ They know their
morale Can't droop ♪
♪ As long as they
all Relax in town ♪
♪ Before they resume
With a bang and a boom ♪
♪ F Troop! ♪
[♪♪♪]
Troop, halt.
Right face.
At ease.
Now, what are you
guys doing down there?
I lost my glasses, sarge.
We're helping him look for 'em.
You look for them later.
Now, get in formation.
All right, make room
for 'em. Come on.
Get in there.
Anything to report
this morning, sergeant?
Well, just that Vanderbilt
here lost his glasses, sir.
Oh. Well, right after muster,
we'll send out a search party.
Yes, sir.
Wilton!
Wilton, I got something for you.
Janey, please don't call
me Wilton in front of the men.
A telegraph message for
you, Captain Parmenter.
That's better.
"This is to announce,
"there will be an Army-sponsored
marksmanship contest
"next Saturday
afternoon at Fort Bravo.
"F Troop is hereby invited
"to send their representative.
Signed, Inspector
General Burton."
Oh... Oh, man.
This is a golden
opportunity for F Troop
to carve a niche
in military history.
Now... to whom will go the glory
of representing us at this
marksmanship contest?
I'll do it, Wilton.
I mean, Captain Parmenter.
I'm the best shot
in town, you know.
No, no, Janey. We can't do that.
You're not in the Army.
Why, in fact, you couldn't
even pass the physical.
Just a moment, Vanderbilt.
This has to be open competition.
See? Now, what we'll do is
we'll have a shooting
contest for the whole fort,
and then the winner
will represent F Troop.
Dobbs, sound chow call.
[PLAYING "CHOW CALL" BADLY]
[GLASS BREAKING]
[MUSIC STOPS]
Oh.
Vanderbilt?
Here.
We found your glasses.
[♪♪♪]
Heh-heh. Whoa, there, boy.
Oh, boy.
Beautiful!
Yeah, Wild Eagle
ought to love them.
Native Indian headdress.
You'll sell a load of these.
Yeah. I hope you remember
to take all the labels out.
I wouldn't want him to know
they were made in Jersey City.
[TWO GUNSHOTS]
What the...?
I think he's already found out
they were made in Jersey City.
Come on, chief. Is this
how you treat friends?
Will you stop already
with the shooting.
My nephew, Johnny Eagle Eye.
He thinks he Davy
Crockett crack shot.
Him not crack
shot. Him crackpot.
I heard that.
That no way to
talk about my son.
Him good boy.
Me raise him to be gentleman.
She my sister,
Whispering Breeze.
Your... Your sister?
Agarn.
Mouth like roaring tornado.
Him, Corporal Agarn. Him,
Sergeant O'Rourke, F Troop.
Ma'am, may we present you
with a... A nice
little souvenir.
Genuine Indian war bonnet.
Again, Jersey City?
My husband's Sitting Bull.
Him go to Arizona.
Me come here, with
Johnny Eagle Eye.
Husband believe
in separate vacation.
Come for weekend... 12 days ago.
Mrs. Bull, how would you like
to surprise your
husband, Sitting Bull,
with a nice souvenir
of your vacation?
A solid 17-jewel gold watch
made in Switzerland.
What Switzerland?
This also Jersey City.
[GUNSHOT]
That goes on your bill.
Your son, the sharpshooter.
Why you not tell
him to cut that out?
We progressive.
Say no to boy,
him feel unloved, sad, unwanted.
Him make one more
shot, him not feel unwanted.
Him feel pain.
Pain!
I give him good smack
right in buckskins.
WHISPERING
BREEZE: Johnny, darling,
come now.
Have nice lunch.
Me no hungry, Ma.
Leave me alone. Me
just getting warmed up.
Hey. See caterpillar
on top of tree?
Wait a minute. You
can see a caterpillar
on the top of that tree?
That must be 500 feet.
Me shoot him right between eyes.
Me got him.
You can shoot a caterpillar
twixt the eyes from 500 feet?
Why not?
Yeah.
Last night, to light pipe,
Johnny Eagle Eye,
thousand feet away,
shoot match out of hand.
He can really shoot
that good, huh?
Hey, Wild Eagle, would you, uh,
excuse us for just a minute.
I got it, Agarn.
Johnny Eagle Eye is
gonna represent F Troop
in the shooting
contest. F Troop?
He ain't in the
Army. He's an Indian.
All we gonna do is put
him in a suit of buckskins,
and he's Indian scout.
Oh, I see. Mm.
What do you wanna do that for?
Have you ever heard of
Sergeant Crawford at Fort Bravo?
Yeah. Crawford's the
best shot in the Army.
Was the best shot in the Army.
Can you imagine
how much we can win
bettin' that a man from F Troop
can beat Sergeant Crawford?
Oh, sarge. We are rich, rich.
Count. Count, my boy.
Johnny, my boy,
how would you like to go with
Corporal Agarn and me, here,
and enter a
sharpshooting contest?
Win yourself a nice,
big solid-gold medal.
Sharpshooting contest?
Me best in West.
Again with gun?
Why you not use bow and
arrow, like rest of Indians?
WHISPERING BREEZE:
Where you go with my son?
Him just a boy.
Me no want him running
around with strangers.
Ah, we'll be back in a few days.
As a matter of fact,
we'll have him back
on Saturday night.
You take him away till Saturday?
Good idea! Go... Good idea.
He'll come back a... A winner.
A big celebrity.
You'll be proud of him.
He'll win a gold
medal from our leader.
Geronimo?
No, no, not your
leader. Our leader.
The president of
the United States.
A medal from your president?
That, I'll frame.
All right, Johnny boy, come on.
We'll have him back
on Saturday night.
Nights are colder here.
You go out, you wear sweater.
Now, gentlemen,
we're going to have
some elimination ru...
Well, some, uh,
qualifying rounds
for the marksmanship contest.
Duffy, you give it a try.
Yes, sir.
[COUGHING] Sorry
about that, captain.
I haven't used it
much lately. Yes.
Perhaps we should...
save you in case
there's ever a...
A pie-eating contest, Duffy.
Whoa, yeah.
[CHUCKLES]
There.
Here we go, Johnny.
Ah.
Captain...
I want to introduce you
to Johnny Eagle Eye.
Ah. Mr. Eye, how do you do?
How. How.
We were out on patrol, sir.
We were almost caught
in an Indian ambush.
And Johnny here
came ridin' along and...
And he saved us.
Drove off 10 of them. Ten?
Six? Six?
Three? That's right, sir.
Yes, sir. And right
there in the field,
he agreed to become
a scout for F Troop.
Oh, uh, ju... Just
a minute, sergeant.
I-is this regulation?
Well, don't you worry
about any of the details, sir.
I'll take care of all the
necessary paperwork.
Oh. Well, we're certainly happy
to have you join us,
Johnny Eagle Eye.
Ah, you won't be sorry, captain.
I'll be with you in a minute.
Uh, we're having some tryouts
for the shooting contest.
Oh, captain, there's
something I want you to see.
Wait till you see this, captain.
Uh, Johnny, would you mind
shooting at that bull's-eye?
[SCOFFS] Bull's-eye.
[COCKS GUN]
[GUNSHOT]
[COCKS GUN]
[GUNSHOT]
My word.
Where did you ever
learn to shoot like that?
[CHUCKLES]
How would like for Johnny here
to represent us at the, uh...
At the contest
on Saturday afternoon, captain?
Oh, that would be fine.
But would it be fair?
I mean, he's only a
scout. He's not in the troop.
Captain, have you ever known me
to suggest anything underhanded,
or un... Unethical, or unfair?
How could anybody say a thing
like that about you, sarge?
Oh. I'm sorry, sergeant. I...
I hope you'll accept my apology.
Mm. All right, sir.
Men!
We will be represented
in the forthcoming
marksmanship contest
by our new scout,
Johnny Eagle Eye.
[CHEERING]
Gosh, darn. With
Johnny Eagle Eye,
We're a sure bet to beat
that Sergeant Crawford
from Fort Bravo.
[LAUGHING] Yeah.
Oh, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
Did I hear the word "bet"?
Now, let me remind everyone...
that section six, article five
absolutely forbids members
of the Armed Forces
to make wages or to gamble
in any way whatsoever.
Sergeant, I'm counting on you
to see that no bets are made.
Uh... Captain, I promise you
that you will not see any
of these men gambling.
All right, you guys.
Now, remember this.
None of you do any gambling.
I'm covering all the action.
Crawford, how much
are you and the gang
from Fort Bravo,
here, ready to bet?
Just a second, O'Rourke.
You bettin' that
somebody from F Troop's
gonna outshoot me next Saturday?
Yeah, that's what we're bettin'.
That's what we're bettin'.
[LAUGHING]
You must be kiddin'.
How much we got to put up?
How about $750?
There you are, O'Rourke.
Is that all?
Why, I thought you guys
would go for at least a thousand.
[LAUGHS]
All right. All right.
Make it a thousand.
Hey, Charlie, hang onto
that for us till Saturday.
Bettin' against
Crawford, huh? Yeah.
All right.
Just watch this.
A double shot.
A chip... and the moose...
with one bullet.
Sarge?
Do you think I could
get my $2 back?
Sarge, are you sure Eagle Eye
can outshoot Crawford?
I'm so sure of it, I'd
bet my last dollar on it.
In fact, I have bet
my last dollar on it...
Morgan!
There's an Indian
woman at the gate.
She wants in.
Sarge, that must be
Eagle Eye's mama.
Do you know what
will happen to us
if she blabs to anybody
that we brought
Sitting Bull's son here
to shoot for F Troop in
a marksman's contest?
That's consorting
with the enemy.
That's treason!
What are you worried
about treason for?
Did you ever hear of bankruptcy?
That is worse than treason.
Me want in gate.
O'ROURKE: All right, all right.
We're comin'. Ah. Here we are.
Oh. Hello. Me want to see son.
Uh, shh! You don't
wanna wake up the captain.
He takes a nap every afternoon.
Never mind captain.
What about son?
Well, he's fine, Mrs. Breeze.
Not Mrs. Breeze. Mrs. Bull.
Oh, yes, Mrs. Bull. I'm...
I'm terribly sorry about that.
And if anything
happens to my son,
you'll hear from Sitting Bull.
Me bring some clean
socks, oatmeal cookies,
Indian pudding.
Eat good?
Oh, yes, ma'am. Oh, yes, yes.
He's very well.
Me come Saturday.
Take Johnny Eagle Eye home.
Oh, no, no, no, ma'am.
Don't come here.
No, no. We'll bring him to
the Hekawi camp ourselves.
What time you
bring him tomorrow?
Eight o'clock on Saturday night.
You not forget?
If not Johnny Eagle Eye
not home by Saturday,
I tell Sitting Bull to get
unga funga manzalanza.
What's that? That
mean he come here
with 10,000 braves for revenge.
Crumble Fort Courage...
[CRACK] like this.
We promise you, he'll be back.
Yeah. Yes, you can
go right on back, now.
We'll... We'll look
after Johnny...
And I'll take the basket.
Don't forget extra blanket.
Uh, yes, ma'am, extra blanket.
Fathers work from sun to sun.
Mamas work never done.
Yes.
He... Uh, any
problems, sergeant?
Oh, no. Just a
squaw was selling us
some of these
oatmeal cookies, sir.
Oh?
You've got to find that squaw.
Why, sir?
To get the recipe.
These are good. Try one.
Wilton... Janey,
I've told you, not
in front of the men.
Captain Parmenter,
this wire just came from
the inspector general.
Oh.
Oh.
This is splendid
news. Just splendid.
Oh, what is it, sir?
What's happened, sir?
The inspector general
himself will be at Fort Bravo
to judge the shooting contest.
Oh, that's nice, sir.
That is splendid, sir.
No, but here's the
best part. Listen to this:
"The winner of the
contest will be transferred
"immediately to Washington
for a permanent post
as bodyguard to the president."
Washington?
Bodyguard? President?!
[GAGGING]
[♪♪♪]
It's a disaster!
Sarge, what are we gonna do?
Relax, relax, will you?
This is not a time to panic.
It's a time for calm judgment.
Now, let's see
where we stand, here.
Johnny Eagle Eye
goes to Washington,
the Army gets us for treason.
Treason? Did you
hear what he said?
Is that... Treason!
You were only looking
at the bright side of things.
If he goes to Washington,
you got Sitting Bull
with a standing army
of 10,000 braves here,
looking for our scalps.
No contest.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
On the other hand, if he
doesn't go in the contest,
we lose $1,000.
One thousand dollars.
Ten thousand braves, here.
You know what he'll do to us?
We'll be Indian
pudding. Indian pudding.
Ah, there's only
one thing to do.
We've got to lose
the thousand dollars.
We have got to get
Johnny Eagle Eye...
to go home.
Yeah, so I guess
you'll just have to skip
the shooting contest and go on
back to the Hekawi camp.
No. Me win shoot contest.
Me best shot in Army.
Me go Washington.
Go on home! Your
mother's calling you.
You gotta go home, Johnny.
Oh, yeah?
[GUN COCKS]
Who gonna make me?
My son?
Go to Washington,
2000 mile away?
Me send message to Sitting Bull.
Uh, now, wait a minute,
Mama. There's still some hope.
There is? For who?
Well, I mean, if he loses,
he comes right home.
Him lose?
You mean, he just
never... N-never loses?
Him lose once,
when 12 years old.
Father shoot better.
Him go goony-goony.
Goony-goony?
Hold breath, turn purple.
Throw tomahawk.
Run away from home.
For two years, we call him,
"my son, the sore loser."
So if we could get
somebody to beat him...
Who in F Troop could beat him?
O'ROURKE: You can do it, Janey.
You're the best
shot in the territory.
Me? But I'm not in F Troop.
We'll take care of that.
We'll take care of everything.
Janey, you gotta
do this for Wilton.
Yeah. Poor Wilton.
What a mistake.
Mistake?
Oh, he didn't know.
He's the trusting type.
He let Johnny Eagle
Eye in as a scout.
And now we found out
that Johnny is a son of...
Are you ready?
- -Sitting Bull.
Sitting Bull's son is
a scout for F Troop?
Yes, and if he wins
that contest tomorrow
and goes to Washington,
the whole truth will be out.
Why, they'll bust Wilton
down from captain.
He'll wind up peeling
potatoes in Hoboken.
They'll take Wilton away?
Let me get my rifle.
I can shoot the sideburns
off a bald-headed
possum at 200 yards.
She can't be in that contest.
It's gotta be
somebody in F Troop.
Hm.
I got just the man to teach
Johnny Eagle Eye a lesson.
Me?
Challenge Johnny Eagle
Eye to a shooting contest?!
Now, listen, Vanderbilt.
I'm telling you,
you only need these
glasses for reading.
Some of our greatest
marksmen were nearsighted.
Right, Agarn? Right.
Now, you take Daniel
Boone. Davy Crockett.
Robin Hood. Why, they
all wore glasses at home.
Uh, Robin Hood too?
Confidence is the key word.
Now, Agarn, you take this card
and hold it in your hand,
and stand over there.
[PAINED LAUGHTER]
Come. All right,
Vanderbilt. Here we go.
Now, I want you to shoot
that card out of his hand.
What card? Whose hand?
Wait a minute.
Whoop, whoop, whoop. Over here.
We're... We're zeroing
in on him. That's it.
We're zero... Now you've
got him in your sights.
That's it.
Let it go.
[SHUDDERS]
Oh!
Look at that card.
Look at that card.
You shot the eye
right out of the jack.
What jack? Right
here. Right here.
Say, listen, let's us go
challenge that Johnny Eagle Eye.
Right! Let's go.
Up. Come on. Let's go.
Wonderful. There we go.
Right.
[♪♪♪]
Well, here he is, captain.
Uh... Here he is.
Private Vanderbilt is
challenging Johnny Eagle Eye?
Well, he says that
he can eliminate
Johnny Eagle Eye, sir.
We must give every
man a fair chance.
Open competition, you know.
Him? Yeah. Me.
[LAUGHS] We shoot.
I didn't know Private Vanderbilt
was a good shot.
Oh, but he's very modest,
captain. Very modest.
But behind those glasses
are the eyes of a hawk.
All right, Johnny.
You first. Ready?
Aim... Fire.
That was about one
inch off the bull's-eye.
One inch off?
Okay, well, it must
have been the wind.
Now, you want to allow
for the wind, Vanderbilt.
All right, you're next.
Has to have
his little joke, sir.
All right, here we are.
Oh, and let's...
Let's take care of
the glasses, now.
Farsighted, as you know, sir.
Here we go.
Here we go... Vanderbilt!
That's it.
Now, ready?
Uh, aim... Fire!
Direct hit.
I must admit, I'm
amazed at you, Vanderbilt.
Thank you, captain.
Me no understand.
Me never miss bull's-eye.
All right, now, let's
move on to the bottles.
All right. Johnny, you first.
Yes, you... You
try for the first three.
Mm.
[GUN COCKS]
Ready?
Aim... Fire.
A miss. Didn't hit
any of the bottles.
[SHOUTING IN HEKAWI]
Something wrong.
Me never miss bottles!
[GUN COCKS]
[GUN COCKS]
Nothing. No hits.
Well, must be the
strain of the competition.
Lots of fellas get
nervous under pressure.
Me not nervous!
Well, maybe we'll
make it a little fairer.
Have Vanderbilt here shoot
over his shoulder and use a mirror.
All right? No, no, no!
Here we go.
There we go.
Yeah. Oop... Whoop, turn right.
That's it. Now, we'll just...
We'll just give you a
little handicap, here.
Hand...? Me no need handicap!
Ready? Aim... Fire.
Ready?
Aim... Fire.
Ready?
Aim... Fire.
Three out of three. Perfect.
Ha! Well, I guess that
shows... [GRUNTING]
who's the best shot in F Troop.
Congratulations, Vanderbilt.
Thank you, sergeant.
We've had Vanderbilt
with us all this time,
and we never knew what
a fantastic marksman he is.
Why didn't you
tell us, Vanderbilt?
Well, like I said, captain.
Modesty. Modesty.
Could I have my glasses, now?
Oh, yeah, here
you are, Vanderbilt.
Right... Ri... Ri... Right here.
Well, Johnny boy...
[JOHNNY GRUNTING]
He... Here, here, now.
If you practice enough,
maybe next year
you can try again.
[GRUNTING] Now, you see,
shooting by
yourself is one thing,
but shooting in competition,
that's another thing altogether.
Vanderbilt, here, is a
seasoned competitor.
Very seasoned.
Uh... I'm afraid you
were just outclassed.
Me no go shoot
contest. Me no like Army!
Me no like F Troop. Me go home!
Is that permissible? I
mean, isn't he a scout
assigned to F Troop?
Oh, I wouldn't worry
about that, captain.
These, uh, Indian
scout assignments
are temporary at best.
I'm sure you'll be hearing
from Washington soon.
Besides, we wouldn't
want a sore loser in F Troop.
Oh, no. Absolutely
not, sergeant.
Absolutely not.
Vanderbilt... I
take great pleasure
in announcing that you
are the official representative
of F Troop in tomorrow's
shooting contest.
Thank you, captain.
I'll do my best.
This thing's...
No, no, no, no,
no! Give me that.
Don't ever train.
You'll go stale.
You've got a rough
day coming up tomorrow.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[CHUCKLING] Oh, sarge.
A thousand dollars
down the drain.
Yeah, I know, I know.
At least we didn't have
to go to the contest.
That would've broken my heart.
I hate to think about it.
Vanderbilt shooting
against Crawford...
Uh, don't say it out loud.
Sergeant? Corporal?
Anybody here?
Vanderbilt. It's all
right. It's all right.
It wasn't really your fault.
Anybody could have a bad day.
Gentlemen.
Captain.
PARMENTER: Look at this.
"Awarded to F Troop:
Winner of Marksmanship award."
Vanderbilt beat Crawford?
Yeah. Oh, no.
He didn't really beat him.
Crawford was disqualified.
Crawford, disqualified?
They checked into his papers
when he applied
to enter the contest,
and they found out
he's really an Indian.
His real name is Crowfoot.
You mean, Crawford is Crowfoot?
Really?
Yes. He was never officially
inducted into the Army.
He was going to enter
the shooting contest
under false pretenses.
[GASPS]
Ah, well, it just
proves one thing.
O, what a tangled web we weave,
When first we
practice to deceive.
True.
That's beautiful, sergeant.
Ah, just a passing thought, sir.
No, really. That's
good thinking.
Really good thinking.
Say... I wonder if every Sunday,
you might be persuaded
to give the men
an inspirational talk.
Glad to, sir.
Hey, Wild Eagle.
[GRUNTS]
Here's the payment
for all those souvenirs.
Stagecoach came
through. Had a lot of tourists.
Sure is nice and
quiet around here.
Yeah.
Johnny Eagle Eye
not shoot anymore.
Just stay in wigwam, cry a lot.
Huh. Aren't they leaving today?
Today happy day.
Whispering Breeze
and son go home.
No more relatives.
Well, you can thank us for that.
We certainly stopped
all that shootin'.
Me glad they go.
His boom-boom and her yak yak
make me go "coo-coo."
[LAUGHS]
How. Hm.
Me greet sergeant.
Me greet corporal.
Me bring good news.
Johnny Eagle Eye stop crying.
That good news.
Me find way to
make Johnny happy.
Oh, that's nice.
What's he doing now?
Here he comes.
[LOUD, SCATTERED DRUMBEAT]
Oh, no!
We no go now.
We stay two more weeks.
Johnny take drum lessons
from your medicine man.
Play, darling.
Play nice.
Two more weeks!
[SCREAMS]
[♪♪♪]
♪ The end of the
Civil War Was near ♪
♪ When quite accidentally ♪
♪ A hero who sneezed
Abruptly seized ♪
♪ Retreat And
reversed it to victory ♪
♪ His Medal of Honor
Pleased and thrilled ♪
♪ His proud little
Family group ♪
♪ While pinning it on
Some blood was spilled ♪
♪ And so it was
planned He'd command ♪
♪ F Troop! ♪
♪ Where Indian fights
Are colorful sights ♪
♪ And nobody takes a lickin' ♪
♪ Where paleface and redskin ♪
♪ Both turn chicken ♪
♪ When drilling and
fighting Get them down ♪
♪ They know their
morale Can't droop ♪
♪ As long as they
all Relax in town ♪
♪ Before they resume
With a bang and a boom ♪
♪ F Troop! ♪
[♪♪♪]
Troop, halt.
Right face.
At ease.
Now, what are you
guys doing down there?
I lost my glasses, sarge.
We're helping him look for 'em.
You look for them later.
Now, get in formation.
All right, make room
for 'em. Come on.
Get in there.
Anything to report
this morning, sergeant?
Well, just that Vanderbilt
here lost his glasses, sir.
Oh. Well, right after muster,
we'll send out a search party.
Yes, sir.
Wilton!
Wilton, I got something for you.
Janey, please don't call
me Wilton in front of the men.
A telegraph message for
you, Captain Parmenter.
That's better.
"This is to announce,
"there will be an Army-sponsored
marksmanship contest
"next Saturday
afternoon at Fort Bravo.
"F Troop is hereby invited
"to send their representative.
Signed, Inspector
General Burton."
Oh... Oh, man.
This is a golden
opportunity for F Troop
to carve a niche
in military history.
Now... to whom will go the glory
of representing us at this
marksmanship contest?
I'll do it, Wilton.
I mean, Captain Parmenter.
I'm the best shot
in town, you know.
No, no, Janey. We can't do that.
You're not in the Army.
Why, in fact, you couldn't
even pass the physical.
Just a moment, Vanderbilt.
This has to be open competition.
See? Now, what we'll do is
we'll have a shooting
contest for the whole fort,
and then the winner
will represent F Troop.
Dobbs, sound chow call.
[PLAYING "CHOW CALL" BADLY]
[GLASS BREAKING]
[MUSIC STOPS]
Oh.
Vanderbilt?
Here.
We found your glasses.
[♪♪♪]
Heh-heh. Whoa, there, boy.
Oh, boy.
Beautiful!
Yeah, Wild Eagle
ought to love them.
Native Indian headdress.
You'll sell a load of these.
Yeah. I hope you remember
to take all the labels out.
I wouldn't want him to know
they were made in Jersey City.
[TWO GUNSHOTS]
What the...?
I think he's already found out
they were made in Jersey City.
Come on, chief. Is this
how you treat friends?
Will you stop already
with the shooting.
My nephew, Johnny Eagle Eye.
He thinks he Davy
Crockett crack shot.
Him not crack
shot. Him crackpot.
I heard that.
That no way to
talk about my son.
Him good boy.
Me raise him to be gentleman.
She my sister,
Whispering Breeze.
Your... Your sister?
Agarn.
Mouth like roaring tornado.
Him, Corporal Agarn. Him,
Sergeant O'Rourke, F Troop.
Ma'am, may we present you
with a... A nice
little souvenir.
Genuine Indian war bonnet.
Again, Jersey City?
My husband's Sitting Bull.
Him go to Arizona.
Me come here, with
Johnny Eagle Eye.
Husband believe
in separate vacation.
Come for weekend... 12 days ago.
Mrs. Bull, how would you like
to surprise your
husband, Sitting Bull,
with a nice souvenir
of your vacation?
A solid 17-jewel gold watch
made in Switzerland.
What Switzerland?
This also Jersey City.
[GUNSHOT]
That goes on your bill.
Your son, the sharpshooter.
Why you not tell
him to cut that out?
We progressive.
Say no to boy,
him feel unloved, sad, unwanted.
Him make one more
shot, him not feel unwanted.
Him feel pain.
Pain!
I give him good smack
right in buckskins.
WHISPERING
BREEZE: Johnny, darling,
come now.
Have nice lunch.
Me no hungry, Ma.
Leave me alone. Me
just getting warmed up.
Hey. See caterpillar
on top of tree?
Wait a minute. You
can see a caterpillar
on the top of that tree?
That must be 500 feet.
Me shoot him right between eyes.
Me got him.
You can shoot a caterpillar
twixt the eyes from 500 feet?
Why not?
Yeah.
Last night, to light pipe,
Johnny Eagle Eye,
thousand feet away,
shoot match out of hand.
He can really shoot
that good, huh?
Hey, Wild Eagle, would you, uh,
excuse us for just a minute.
I got it, Agarn.
Johnny Eagle Eye is
gonna represent F Troop
in the shooting
contest. F Troop?
He ain't in the
Army. He's an Indian.
All we gonna do is put
him in a suit of buckskins,
and he's Indian scout.
Oh, I see. Mm.
What do you wanna do that for?
Have you ever heard of
Sergeant Crawford at Fort Bravo?
Yeah. Crawford's the
best shot in the Army.
Was the best shot in the Army.
Can you imagine
how much we can win
bettin' that a man from F Troop
can beat Sergeant Crawford?
Oh, sarge. We are rich, rich.
Count. Count, my boy.
Johnny, my boy,
how would you like to go with
Corporal Agarn and me, here,
and enter a
sharpshooting contest?
Win yourself a nice,
big solid-gold medal.
Sharpshooting contest?
Me best in West.
Again with gun?
Why you not use bow and
arrow, like rest of Indians?
WHISPERING BREEZE:
Where you go with my son?
Him just a boy.
Me no want him running
around with strangers.
Ah, we'll be back in a few days.
As a matter of fact,
we'll have him back
on Saturday night.
You take him away till Saturday?
Good idea! Go... Good idea.
He'll come back a... A winner.
A big celebrity.
You'll be proud of him.
He'll win a gold
medal from our leader.
Geronimo?
No, no, not your
leader. Our leader.
The president of
the United States.
A medal from your president?
That, I'll frame.
All right, Johnny boy, come on.
We'll have him back
on Saturday night.
Nights are colder here.
You go out, you wear sweater.
Now, gentlemen,
we're going to have
some elimination ru...
Well, some, uh,
qualifying rounds
for the marksmanship contest.
Duffy, you give it a try.
Yes, sir.
[COUGHING] Sorry
about that, captain.
I haven't used it
much lately. Yes.
Perhaps we should...
save you in case
there's ever a...
A pie-eating contest, Duffy.
Whoa, yeah.
[CHUCKLES]
There.
Here we go, Johnny.
Ah.
Captain...
I want to introduce you
to Johnny Eagle Eye.
Ah. Mr. Eye, how do you do?
How. How.
We were out on patrol, sir.
We were almost caught
in an Indian ambush.
And Johnny here
came ridin' along and...
And he saved us.
Drove off 10 of them. Ten?
Six? Six?
Three? That's right, sir.
Yes, sir. And right
there in the field,
he agreed to become
a scout for F Troop.
Oh, uh, ju... Just
a minute, sergeant.
I-is this regulation?
Well, don't you worry
about any of the details, sir.
I'll take care of all the
necessary paperwork.
Oh. Well, we're certainly happy
to have you join us,
Johnny Eagle Eye.
Ah, you won't be sorry, captain.
I'll be with you in a minute.
Uh, we're having some tryouts
for the shooting contest.
Oh, captain, there's
something I want you to see.
Wait till you see this, captain.
Uh, Johnny, would you mind
shooting at that bull's-eye?
[SCOFFS] Bull's-eye.
[COCKS GUN]
[GUNSHOT]
[COCKS GUN]
[GUNSHOT]
My word.
Where did you ever
learn to shoot like that?
[CHUCKLES]
How would like for Johnny here
to represent us at the, uh...
At the contest
on Saturday afternoon, captain?
Oh, that would be fine.
But would it be fair?
I mean, he's only a
scout. He's not in the troop.
Captain, have you ever known me
to suggest anything underhanded,
or un... Unethical, or unfair?
How could anybody say a thing
like that about you, sarge?
Oh. I'm sorry, sergeant. I...
I hope you'll accept my apology.
Mm. All right, sir.
Men!
We will be represented
in the forthcoming
marksmanship contest
by our new scout,
Johnny Eagle Eye.
[CHEERING]
Gosh, darn. With
Johnny Eagle Eye,
We're a sure bet to beat
that Sergeant Crawford
from Fort Bravo.
[LAUGHING] Yeah.
Oh, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
Did I hear the word "bet"?
Now, let me remind everyone...
that section six, article five
absolutely forbids members
of the Armed Forces
to make wages or to gamble
in any way whatsoever.
Sergeant, I'm counting on you
to see that no bets are made.
Uh... Captain, I promise you
that you will not see any
of these men gambling.
All right, you guys.
Now, remember this.
None of you do any gambling.
I'm covering all the action.
Crawford, how much
are you and the gang
from Fort Bravo,
here, ready to bet?
Just a second, O'Rourke.
You bettin' that
somebody from F Troop's
gonna outshoot me next Saturday?
Yeah, that's what we're bettin'.
That's what we're bettin'.
[LAUGHING]
You must be kiddin'.
How much we got to put up?
How about $750?
There you are, O'Rourke.
Is that all?
Why, I thought you guys
would go for at least a thousand.
[LAUGHS]
All right. All right.
Make it a thousand.
Hey, Charlie, hang onto
that for us till Saturday.
Bettin' against
Crawford, huh? Yeah.
All right.
Just watch this.
A double shot.
A chip... and the moose...
with one bullet.
Sarge?
Do you think I could
get my $2 back?
Sarge, are you sure Eagle Eye
can outshoot Crawford?
I'm so sure of it, I'd
bet my last dollar on it.
In fact, I have bet
my last dollar on it...
Morgan!
There's an Indian
woman at the gate.
She wants in.
Sarge, that must be
Eagle Eye's mama.
Do you know what
will happen to us
if she blabs to anybody
that we brought
Sitting Bull's son here
to shoot for F Troop in
a marksman's contest?
That's consorting
with the enemy.
That's treason!
What are you worried
about treason for?
Did you ever hear of bankruptcy?
That is worse than treason.
Me want in gate.
O'ROURKE: All right, all right.
We're comin'. Ah. Here we are.
Oh. Hello. Me want to see son.
Uh, shh! You don't
wanna wake up the captain.
He takes a nap every afternoon.
Never mind captain.
What about son?
Well, he's fine, Mrs. Breeze.
Not Mrs. Breeze. Mrs. Bull.
Oh, yes, Mrs. Bull. I'm...
I'm terribly sorry about that.
And if anything
happens to my son,
you'll hear from Sitting Bull.
Me bring some clean
socks, oatmeal cookies,
Indian pudding.
Eat good?
Oh, yes, ma'am. Oh, yes, yes.
He's very well.
Me come Saturday.
Take Johnny Eagle Eye home.
Oh, no, no, no, ma'am.
Don't come here.
No, no. We'll bring him to
the Hekawi camp ourselves.
What time you
bring him tomorrow?
Eight o'clock on Saturday night.
You not forget?
If not Johnny Eagle Eye
not home by Saturday,
I tell Sitting Bull to get
unga funga manzalanza.
What's that? That
mean he come here
with 10,000 braves for revenge.
Crumble Fort Courage...
[CRACK] like this.
We promise you, he'll be back.
Yeah. Yes, you can
go right on back, now.
We'll... We'll look
after Johnny...
And I'll take the basket.
Don't forget extra blanket.
Uh, yes, ma'am, extra blanket.
Fathers work from sun to sun.
Mamas work never done.
Yes.
He... Uh, any
problems, sergeant?
Oh, no. Just a
squaw was selling us
some of these
oatmeal cookies, sir.
Oh?
You've got to find that squaw.
Why, sir?
To get the recipe.
These are good. Try one.
Wilton... Janey,
I've told you, not
in front of the men.
Captain Parmenter,
this wire just came from
the inspector general.
Oh.
Oh.
This is splendid
news. Just splendid.
Oh, what is it, sir?
What's happened, sir?
The inspector general
himself will be at Fort Bravo
to judge the shooting contest.
Oh, that's nice, sir.
That is splendid, sir.
No, but here's the
best part. Listen to this:
"The winner of the
contest will be transferred
"immediately to Washington
for a permanent post
as bodyguard to the president."
Washington?
Bodyguard? President?!
[GAGGING]
[♪♪♪]
It's a disaster!
Sarge, what are we gonna do?
Relax, relax, will you?
This is not a time to panic.
It's a time for calm judgment.
Now, let's see
where we stand, here.
Johnny Eagle Eye
goes to Washington,
the Army gets us for treason.
Treason? Did you
hear what he said?
Is that... Treason!
You were only looking
at the bright side of things.
If he goes to Washington,
you got Sitting Bull
with a standing army
of 10,000 braves here,
looking for our scalps.
No contest.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
On the other hand, if he
doesn't go in the contest,
we lose $1,000.
One thousand dollars.
Ten thousand braves, here.
You know what he'll do to us?
We'll be Indian
pudding. Indian pudding.
Ah, there's only
one thing to do.
We've got to lose
the thousand dollars.
We have got to get
Johnny Eagle Eye...
to go home.
Yeah, so I guess
you'll just have to skip
the shooting contest and go on
back to the Hekawi camp.
No. Me win shoot contest.
Me best shot in Army.
Me go Washington.
Go on home! Your
mother's calling you.
You gotta go home, Johnny.
Oh, yeah?
[GUN COCKS]
Who gonna make me?
My son?
Go to Washington,
2000 mile away?
Me send message to Sitting Bull.
Uh, now, wait a minute,
Mama. There's still some hope.
There is? For who?
Well, I mean, if he loses,
he comes right home.
Him lose?
You mean, he just
never... N-never loses?
Him lose once,
when 12 years old.
Father shoot better.
Him go goony-goony.
Goony-goony?
Hold breath, turn purple.
Throw tomahawk.
Run away from home.
For two years, we call him,
"my son, the sore loser."
So if we could get
somebody to beat him...
Who in F Troop could beat him?
O'ROURKE: You can do it, Janey.
You're the best
shot in the territory.
Me? But I'm not in F Troop.
We'll take care of that.
We'll take care of everything.
Janey, you gotta
do this for Wilton.
Yeah. Poor Wilton.
What a mistake.
Mistake?
Oh, he didn't know.
He's the trusting type.
He let Johnny Eagle
Eye in as a scout.
And now we found out
that Johnny is a son of...
Are you ready?
- -Sitting Bull.
Sitting Bull's son is
a scout for F Troop?
Yes, and if he wins
that contest tomorrow
and goes to Washington,
the whole truth will be out.
Why, they'll bust Wilton
down from captain.
He'll wind up peeling
potatoes in Hoboken.
They'll take Wilton away?
Let me get my rifle.
I can shoot the sideburns
off a bald-headed
possum at 200 yards.
She can't be in that contest.
It's gotta be
somebody in F Troop.
Hm.
I got just the man to teach
Johnny Eagle Eye a lesson.
Me?
Challenge Johnny Eagle
Eye to a shooting contest?!
Now, listen, Vanderbilt.
I'm telling you,
you only need these
glasses for reading.
Some of our greatest
marksmen were nearsighted.
Right, Agarn? Right.
Now, you take Daniel
Boone. Davy Crockett.
Robin Hood. Why, they
all wore glasses at home.
Uh, Robin Hood too?
Confidence is the key word.
Now, Agarn, you take this card
and hold it in your hand,
and stand over there.
[PAINED LAUGHTER]
Come. All right,
Vanderbilt. Here we go.
Now, I want you to shoot
that card out of his hand.
What card? Whose hand?
Wait a minute.
Whoop, whoop, whoop. Over here.
We're... We're zeroing
in on him. That's it.
We're zero... Now you've
got him in your sights.
That's it.
Let it go.
[SHUDDERS]
Oh!
Look at that card.
Look at that card.
You shot the eye
right out of the jack.
What jack? Right
here. Right here.
Say, listen, let's us go
challenge that Johnny Eagle Eye.
Right! Let's go.
Up. Come on. Let's go.
Wonderful. There we go.
Right.
[♪♪♪]
Well, here he is, captain.
Uh... Here he is.
Private Vanderbilt is
challenging Johnny Eagle Eye?
Well, he says that
he can eliminate
Johnny Eagle Eye, sir.
We must give every
man a fair chance.
Open competition, you know.
Him? Yeah. Me.
[LAUGHS] We shoot.
I didn't know Private Vanderbilt
was a good shot.
Oh, but he's very modest,
captain. Very modest.
But behind those glasses
are the eyes of a hawk.
All right, Johnny.
You first. Ready?
Aim... Fire.
That was about one
inch off the bull's-eye.
One inch off?
Okay, well, it must
have been the wind.
Now, you want to allow
for the wind, Vanderbilt.
All right, you're next.
Has to have
his little joke, sir.
All right, here we are.
Oh, and let's...
Let's take care of
the glasses, now.
Farsighted, as you know, sir.
Here we go.
Here we go... Vanderbilt!
That's it.
Now, ready?
Uh, aim... Fire!
Direct hit.
I must admit, I'm
amazed at you, Vanderbilt.
Thank you, captain.
Me no understand.
Me never miss bull's-eye.
All right, now, let's
move on to the bottles.
All right. Johnny, you first.
Yes, you... You
try for the first three.
Mm.
[GUN COCKS]
Ready?
Aim... Fire.
A miss. Didn't hit
any of the bottles.
[SHOUTING IN HEKAWI]
Something wrong.
Me never miss bottles!
[GUN COCKS]
[GUN COCKS]
Nothing. No hits.
Well, must be the
strain of the competition.
Lots of fellas get
nervous under pressure.
Me not nervous!
Well, maybe we'll
make it a little fairer.
Have Vanderbilt here shoot
over his shoulder and use a mirror.
All right? No, no, no!
Here we go.
There we go.
Yeah. Oop... Whoop, turn right.
That's it. Now, we'll just...
We'll just give you a
little handicap, here.
Hand...? Me no need handicap!
Ready? Aim... Fire.
Ready?
Aim... Fire.
Ready?
Aim... Fire.
Three out of three. Perfect.
Ha! Well, I guess that
shows... [GRUNTING]
who's the best shot in F Troop.
Congratulations, Vanderbilt.
Thank you, sergeant.
We've had Vanderbilt
with us all this time,
and we never knew what
a fantastic marksman he is.
Why didn't you
tell us, Vanderbilt?
Well, like I said, captain.
Modesty. Modesty.
Could I have my glasses, now?
Oh, yeah, here
you are, Vanderbilt.
Right... Ri... Ri... Right here.
Well, Johnny boy...
[JOHNNY GRUNTING]
He... Here, here, now.
If you practice enough,
maybe next year
you can try again.
[GRUNTING] Now, you see,
shooting by
yourself is one thing,
but shooting in competition,
that's another thing altogether.
Vanderbilt, here, is a
seasoned competitor.
Very seasoned.
Uh... I'm afraid you
were just outclassed.
Me no go shoot
contest. Me no like Army!
Me no like F Troop. Me go home!
Is that permissible? I
mean, isn't he a scout
assigned to F Troop?
Oh, I wouldn't worry
about that, captain.
These, uh, Indian
scout assignments
are temporary at best.
I'm sure you'll be hearing
from Washington soon.
Besides, we wouldn't
want a sore loser in F Troop.
Oh, no. Absolutely
not, sergeant.
Absolutely not.
Vanderbilt... I
take great pleasure
in announcing that you
are the official representative
of F Troop in tomorrow's
shooting contest.
Thank you, captain.
I'll do my best.
This thing's...
No, no, no, no,
no! Give me that.
Don't ever train.
You'll go stale.
You've got a rough
day coming up tomorrow.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[CHUCKLING] Oh, sarge.
A thousand dollars
down the drain.
Yeah, I know, I know.
At least we didn't have
to go to the contest.
That would've broken my heart.
I hate to think about it.
Vanderbilt shooting
against Crawford...
Uh, don't say it out loud.
Sergeant? Corporal?
Anybody here?
Vanderbilt. It's all
right. It's all right.
It wasn't really your fault.
Anybody could have a bad day.
Gentlemen.
Captain.
PARMENTER: Look at this.
"Awarded to F Troop:
Winner of Marksmanship award."
Vanderbilt beat Crawford?
Yeah. Oh, no.
He didn't really beat him.
Crawford was disqualified.
Crawford, disqualified?
They checked into his papers
when he applied
to enter the contest,
and they found out
he's really an Indian.
His real name is Crowfoot.
You mean, Crawford is Crowfoot?
Really?
Yes. He was never officially
inducted into the Army.
He was going to enter
the shooting contest
under false pretenses.
[GASPS]
Ah, well, it just
proves one thing.
O, what a tangled web we weave,
When first we
practice to deceive.
True.
That's beautiful, sergeant.
Ah, just a passing thought, sir.
No, really. That's
good thinking.
Really good thinking.
Say... I wonder if every Sunday,
you might be persuaded
to give the men
an inspirational talk.
Glad to, sir.
Hey, Wild Eagle.
[GRUNTS]
Here's the payment
for all those souvenirs.
Stagecoach came
through. Had a lot of tourists.
Sure is nice and
quiet around here.
Yeah.
Johnny Eagle Eye
not shoot anymore.
Just stay in wigwam, cry a lot.
Huh. Aren't they leaving today?
Today happy day.
Whispering Breeze
and son go home.
No more relatives.
Well, you can thank us for that.
We certainly stopped
all that shootin'.
Me glad they go.
His boom-boom and her yak yak
make me go "coo-coo."
[LAUGHS]
How. Hm.
Me greet sergeant.
Me greet corporal.
Me bring good news.
Johnny Eagle Eye stop crying.
That good news.
Me find way to
make Johnny happy.
Oh, that's nice.
What's he doing now?
Here he comes.
[LOUD, SCATTERED DRUMBEAT]
Oh, no!
We no go now.
We stay two more weeks.
Johnny take drum lessons
from your medicine man.
Play, darling.
Play nice.
Two more weeks!
[SCREAMS]
[♪♪♪]