F Troop (1965–1967): Season 1, Episode 11 - A Gift from the Chief - full transcript
After saving Wild Eagle's life, Captain Parmenter is given a baby.
[BUGLE PLAYS "CHARGE"]
♪ The end of the
Civil War Was near ♪
♪ When quite accidentally ♪
♪ A hero who sneezed
Abruptly seized ♪
♪ Retreat And
reversed it to victory ♪
♪ His Medal of Honor
Pleased and thrilled ♪
♪ His proud little
Family group ♪
♪ While pinning it on
Some blood was spilled ♪
♪ And so it was
planned He'd command ♪
♪ F Troop! ♪
♪ Where Indian fights
Are colorful sights ♪
♪ And nobody takes a lickin' ♪
♪ Where paleface and redskin ♪
♪ Both turn chicken ♪
♪ When drilling and
fighting Get them down ♪
♪ They know their
morale Can't droop ♪
♪ As long as they
all Relax in town ♪
♪ Before they resume
With a bang and a boom ♪
♪ F Troop! ♪
[♪♪♪]
[BUGLE PLAYS "REVEILLE"]
What's going on?
It feels like I
just got to sleep.
You did. It's 2:00
in the morning.
Two o'clock? Somebody's
gonna hear about this.
Where they coming from, captain?
How many are there? Gentlemen.
Listen, if it's the Shugs,
you hang on to your hats.
We're already three weeks
into the scalping season.
At night, they don't always
get you on the first swing.
You're jumping to
conclusions. There's no attack.
No attack?
Right. Call the troop
to order. I'll explain.
[YELLS]
Atten... [YAWNS] Attention.
Men, I know you're all wondering
why I've have assembled
you out here at this hour,
so I won't keep you in suspense.
We are all about to
go on night maneuver.
Night maneuver?
[CHATTERING]
[YELLS]
[CHATTERING QUIETS]
That's right.
Now, it's something
we've all been neglecting,
but it is specifically
covered in my manual.
Right here. Section 22,
page five, paragraph 14.
He's reading from
the manual again.
I thought I told you
to burn that thing.
PARMENTER: I quote:
"In order to keep troops
at maximum efficiency,
"all outposts will be
required to participate
in one night
maneuver per month."
So there you have it, men.
Now, you have 10
minutes to reassemble here
wearing full field packs.
Any questions?
Sir? Yes, Vanderbilt?
May I be excused?
Why? I just can't do anything
till after I've had my coffee.
I can't coordinate.
I-I just don't feel
like I'm all here until...
Captain, sir, there's a problem
with these night maneuvers.
It's dangerous
being out there, it's...
Well, it's loaded
with poison oak.
I'm aware of the
hazards, corporal,
but the manual is specific.
The captain's right.
Rules are rules.
If we're gonna be good soldiers,
we've got to go by the manual.
Thank you, sergeant.
Sir, my men will follow
wherever you lead.
If it's night
maneuvers you want,
night maneuvers you'll get.
I'll give the order.
Men, you heard the captain.
There'll be no questions
asked, no one excused.
F Troop is going
on night maneuvers,
and we're going first
thing in the morning.
Troop dismissed.
Halt. Halt.
Corporal call the
men to attention.
[YELLS]
Sergeant, you can't go on
night maneuvers in the daytime.
Oh, well, I guess you're right.
Must be the hour. I
wasn't thinking clear.
Well, everyone's entitled
to an honest mistake.
Men... you now
have only six minutes.
Dismissed.
[♪♪♪]
Night maneuvers, who needs it?
[SCREAMS]
I just stepped on a bear.
Bear?
Feels like a bear
and it smells like a...
Vanderbilt, get up!
I slipped. After all,
I'm carrying your pack
and my pack too, sarge.
Well, watch it.
I told ya, I can't do anything
till after I have my coffee.
Anyway, we're
supposed to be cavalry.
How come we're walkin'?
How come we're walkin'?
The captain hadn't the
heart to wake up the horses.
That's how come we're walkin'.
Now get movin'.
Boy, sarge, this is brutal.
You're slipping.
How come you couldn't
talk the captain out of this?
Well, this was a tough one.
He knows the difference
between day and night.
He keeps reading that manual...
Shh! There he is.
[♪♪♪]
Men, one reason
for these maneuvers
is too teach you the
art of picking your way
through strange
terrain in the darkness.
Now, I've read every
book on mountain climbing
and hiking and tracking.
And the main thing is
to always listen carefully,
to always be careful
of your footing...
Are you all right?
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
See, those books also
taught me how to fall.
You're supposed
to go all sort of limp.
Hey, look, captain,
don't you think
we ought to go back to the
fort before somebody gets hurt?
No, no, we can't
go back to the fort
until we complete our mission,
which is to ford the river.
But you're heading
in the wrong direction.
You're going toward
the Hekawi camp.
Sergeant, if there's
one thing I have learned,
it's how to direct
myself by the stars.
Now, there is the Big Dipper
and there is the North Star.
So we continue
in this direction.
Follow me.
Captain!
Whoa, whoa.
All right, let's go, men.
And to make sure
no one gets lost,
hold hands with
the one on your left.
[♪♪♪]
This way, men.
If he thinks he's heading
toward the river, he's batty.
You see that?
AGARN: Yeah. "General
Custer hates Sitting Bull."
That's what's getting him mad.
Custer keeps putting
it on rocks and trees...
That's not the point.
You remember
passing that log before?
Yeah, on the way to our still
above the Hekawi camp. So what?
So what? Listen, with our luck,
he's apt to stumble
onto that still
and find out those Indians
have been making the whiskey
for my saloon in town,
then we're gonna
be in real trouble.
You said it. And that manual's
got a whole chapter
on court martials.
Wait a minute.
I'll try to lead him
away, but just in case,
you circle around and get
up to the still and be there
to divert him, if necessary.
Right.
[♪♪♪]
Captain, I'm telling you,
the river's in the
opposite direction.
You're headed right
for the Hekawi camp.
Nonsense, sergeant, we're
nowhere near the Indians.
Men, our destination was
the river and we have arrived.
Did you hear that?
Three cheers for the captain.
Hip hip. MEN: Hooray.
Hip hip. MEN: Hooray.
Hip hip. [WEAKLY] Hooray.
Now, when we break
through this brush,
you'll see the river bank.
[♪♪♪]
What's with this
"hip, hip, hooray"?
Wake everybody up.
Uh, I come in peace.
I was giving my
men a night problem.
You give us night
problem: How to get sleep.
This is outrage.
Hekawi not get sleep,
Hekawi not have energy to work.
Indian cannot work,
cannot make living.
Indian go in red!
Indian go in red.
[LAUGHS]
Not bad in middle of night, eh?
That's very clever. Heh-heh-heh.
You not laugh?
You should be shamed of self.
Now, chief, it's all right,
we'll just go right on along,
let you go back to sleep.
Not easy to go back to sleep.
Chief, this was a mistake.
Believe me, I'm
sure I can explain.
Let's powwow.
All right, we powwow.
[♪♪♪]
Heap big rock fall.
Wild Eagle come
close to being big heap.
That was a close one, all right.
Well, let's all get
some sleep now, huh?
Wait, Roaring Chicken just
see great deed of bravery.
What you talk about?
Well, really, that was nothing.
Not nothing. Roaring
Chicken see with own eyes.
Wild Eagle owe his
life to brave captain.
Thank you for saving
life. Now we go to bed.
Good idea.
Wait, brave deed call
for great ceremony.
It is written,
when life of the Hekawi
chief is saved in full of moon,
then will thorns of
the cactus soften.
I'm very touched,
Roaring Chicken,
but really, we must
be getting back.
Yeah. Wait!
Not until brave captain
receives reward.
What?
Reward commanded by
the tradition of our great tribe.
It 4:00 in morning.
I send gift later by messenger.
Hey, Red Arrow.
You deliver.
Okay, men. Let's start back.
Back!
[♪♪♪]
Well, hundred pounds of oats
is gonna cost you all of $0.75.
Wilton?
Howdy, Wilton.
My, but I'm proud of you.
Me, Janey?
Yessiree, Bob.
Whole town's
talking about the way
you saved Wild Eagle's life.
Oh, that. Well, actually, we...
[YAWNING] We were... Excuse me.
We were out on
night maneuvers...
You can't help being a
natural-born hero, can you?
Oh, now, Janey.
O'ROURKE: Captain
Parmenter, sir.
Oh, excuse me.
I'll see you later, Wilton.
Sir.
What is it, sergeant?
I was wondering if you
could let the men off duty
a few hours early today, sir.
They're a little tired.
Tired, hm? Yes.
Well, I hope they got something
out of those night maneuvers.
Yeah, well, they did, sir.
Three cases of poison
ivy and one of poison oak.
Oh, that's a shame.
Yeah, but we found Vanderbilt.
Oh, good. Yeah.
I can't imagine how
anybody stepped on him
and broke his glasses.
Have you got anything
from the chief yet?
No. I wonder what
they're going to send me.
[YAWNING] I'm...
I'm kinda tired myself.
Yeah, me too. I could sure
use a good night's sleep.
[♪♪♪]
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
[BABY CRYING]
[CRYING CONTINUES]
[♪♪♪]
"To Captain Parmenter:
You saved chief's life.
"I happy to follow
Hekawi tradition,
which say I give you a life."
Signed Wild Eagle.
Congratulations, captain.
You're a father.
Isn't he a cute little feller?
Yeah, he sure is.
Sarge.
He's smiling for me.
Did you ever see
such cute dimples?
Yeah, it's a shame we
have to give him back.
What do you mean, give him back?
We can't do that.
Chief would be insulted.
Oh, but it's against
regulations to keep a baby here.
I'll show you in my manual.
I didn't know you
was sentimental.
Who's sentimental?
You're an old softy.
You're stuck on the kid.
You don't wanna give him back.
I just don't wanna
get the chief riled.
He could put us out of business.
I never thought of that.
Now, I'll show you
exactly... what...
Darn it, this is my diary.
[BABY CRIES]
I must have burned
his address book.
Here it is. Under
"dependencies."
"Due to the dangers
of outpost life,
"under limited circumstances,
the wives of officers
"will be allowed to
accompany their husbands,
"but no children under
18 will be permitted
to live within the
confines of the fort."
See? That covers it.
Wait a minute. I know
these Indians, see,
and the worst thing
you can do is to return
the personal gift of a chief.
Could mean only
one thing, captain.
War with the Hekawi.
In that case, it would be
folly to make a hasty decision.
We'll keep the baby until
I figure something out.
Ah, good thinking, captain.
Well, let's all get some sleep.
[BABY GURGLING]
Here you are, captain.
See you in the morning.
Uh, men, maybe
it would be better
if you kept the baby
with you tonight.
Well, no, that wouldn't
fair to the baby, sir.
You see, I snore.
But I moan in my sleep.
Nobody wants you?
I'll take you, little feller.
You're coming with me.
[SNORING] [BABY CRYING]
Good. Yeah.
What woke up the little baby?
[SNORTS, MUTTERS]
That's it.
[BABY WAILS]
What happened?
You woke him, you walk him.
Huh? Uh... Uh... [CHUCKLES]
Hello, little fella.
Here we go, baby.
[CHUCKLES]
Alrighty, now.
Here, now.
See that, this little
piggy went to market.
This little piggy stayed home.
This little piggy
had roast beef.
No? You don't like that one?
Uh... ♪ One little, two little ♪
♪ Three little Indians ♪
♪ Four little,
five little, six... ♪
[BABY CRIES] Ooh,
nope, that's all right.
I know. Don't like that.
What's that other one?
Oh, you're a big help.
Uh... ♪ Rockabye baby ♪
♪ In the treetop ♪
♪ When the bough
breaks, The cradle... ♪
No, that's not the
right words, but I...
[♪♪♪]
Well, the little fella
is asleep at last, sir.
Good work, sergeant.
Now, let's make sure
nothing disturbs him.
[WHISPERING] Duffy.
Here.
Duddleson.
Here.
Vanderbilt.
Who?
You.
That's me.
Of course. Of course.
F Troop all present
and accounted for.
Present and accounted for, sir.
Raise the flag.
Easy.
Fire the cannon.
[BABY CRYING]
[CRYING CONTINUES]
What's he doing in there?
Oh, we thought he might
be happier in a teepee.
So why does he still look sad?
Who knows?
Yeah, we tried
everything we can think of.
Captain, why don't you...
Why don't see what you
can do with him, maybe, huh?
Uh, yeah.
Well, uh... I'll
try a war dance.
Yeah, good.
[WHOOPING]
Are you ready with
that bathwater yet?
AGARN: Yeah, bring
him over here to me.
All right, come on,
now, here we go.
Here we go. We're
gonna get nice and clean.
There we go.
[LAUGHS]
[CRYING]
Aw, what did we do wrong?
We didn't do nothing.
Get the sponge.
What's up, Wilton?
They'd said you
wanted to see me.
Yes, Jane, there's
something I wanted to ask you.
Tell me, do you like babies?
I love babies.
And I love sewing and
taking care of the house,
and I bake a cherry
pie that can't be beat.
Cherry... Oh, no, no.
This baby's too
young for cherry pie.
He might swallow
the... What baby?
My baby. The one I
want you to take care of.
Wilton Parmenter, you
should be horsewhipped.
Oh, no. No, Jane.
Wild Eagle gave me this
baby for saving his life.
Oh. For a minute
there, I... Come on.
Come on, I'll show you.
It's the cutest little
papoose you ever saw.
[CRYING]
Oh, isn't he cute.
How long's he been crying?
That's all he does.
He never stops.
Sometimes they cry like that
when they have the cramps.
Why should he have the cramps?
He eats the same stuff we do.
Ham and eggs and hotcakes.
Hoppin' horned toads!
You don't feed a
kid things like that.
[♪♪♪]
There, there.
There, there.
[BURPS]
Now baby feels better.
Why don't you all leave,
and I'll take care of him.
Yeah.
I don't suppose any of
you buzzards had the brains
to give this kid a bath?
I bathed him.
You did?
Eight times. My
skin is ready to peel.
Jane, we can't handle that baby.
You've got to take
care of him for us.
Well, I don't have time
with the store and all.
And besides, the
best place for that baby
is with his mother.
I agree. And it's my fault
for not taking him back
in the first place, as I wanted.
Yeah, but we can't
insult the chief.
Jumpin' horned toads.
I say when that baby
wakes up from his nap,
he should go right
back to his mother.
She's right. She is right.
He's going back if I have
to take him back myself.
Come on, Jane, I'll walk
you back to your store.
Ever since he got his way
on those night maneuvers,
there's been no stopping him.
There's goes the still.
I wonder how we'll do in
the sarsaparilla business.
Oh, very funny, very funny.
I wonder what can we do to
get that baby back to the chief.
Maybe Roaring Chicken
can find us another proverb.
What? Like, "When
lonely chipmunk cry
at full of moon, a papoose's
best friend is his mother."
Yeah, yeah.
You might have something there.
Let's go see the man.
Give back?
You'll make chief
scream like wild eagle.
Now, we don't want
to insult the chief, but...
Well, now, the truth
of the matter is...
Well, we just can't take
proper care of the kid.
Roaring Chicken make no law.
There is only one
way for captain
to giveum back baby to chief.
How's that?
Wild Eagle must
save life of captain,
then captain give baby back.
Oh, if Wild Eagle saves
the captain's life, then...
[O'ROURKE CHUCKLES]
Yeah, thanks, Roaring Chicken.
Come on, Agarn. Let's
get back to the fort.
Captain, we all agree that
we should take the baby back,
but we don't want any
trouble with them Hekawis.
That's true.
And Roaring Chicken says
it's the only way we can do it
without insulting the chief.
Well, then, we'll
just have to let him
save my life. But
how? Here's the plan:
Now, we've been bickering
with them Hekawis for years
over the fishing
rights to the river.
So you and the chief go
out to inspect the area.
The chief and I? Just
the two of you, all alone.
Now, when you're
fording the river,
you fall off your horse
and pretend to drown,
he saves your life.
When he brings you back,
we give him the baby.
Oh, I don't know.
[BABY CRIES]
We'll do it.
[♪♪♪]
Captain Parmenter
is here and he's ready
to go out with you right now.
And settle, once and for all,
the fishing rights
on that river.
You wake me from nap for this?
Wild Eagle, you can
take nap anytime.
Fishing rights
important to whole tribe.
How come you not do your duty?
How come you not
mind own business?
Now, you go to teepee
or you get arrow in pants.
Aah! I go. I go.
Arrow a day keep doctor away.
Well, as long as sleep broken,
might as well go with captain.
[GRUNTS]
[♪♪♪]
Now, just let him
save you from drowning
and we'll wait
for you right here.
All right?
Go on.
Giddap!
You ready?
Let's go. Off to the river.
Hey! River this way.
[HORSES CLOMPING]
Here they come now.
Oh! Captain look like wet wash.
O'ROURKE: Chief, what happened?
Him fall in river, almost drown.
And you saved him.
Boy, was he lucky
to have you around.
Me not save him. Me can't swim.
What? What?
In water, Wild
Eagle sink like rock.
Him lucky fella.
Going down third time
when horse drag him out.
How do you like that?
We can't give
the kid to a horse.
Whoa!
Him very slippery.
Slide off horse six
times on way home.
Are you all right, sir?
I think so. I think so.
But I... I think I
lost my manual.
Oh, what a shame.
Why, captain. You're shivering.
Yeah.
Here, wrap this
around your shoulders.
Oh, thank you.
Well, chief, we'll...
We'll settle the fishing
rights some other time.
Right now, I have
to get back to the...
[SNEEZES]
[♪♪♪]
Look out, chief!
[PEBBLES SCATTERING]
You come with me.
Him do it again.
Save life of chief.
Hey!
You get brother now.
First time in Hekawi history.
Oh, b-b-but I didn't...
I... All I did was...
[BABY CRYING]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Wrangler, you did it.
That I did.
What? The chief
took the babies back?
You can bet a bucket
of buzzards he did.
Oh, Janey, that's wonderful.
But how did you do it?
Easy as pie.
I just went to the
babies' mother.
She was sure missing
them kids dreadful.
But the ancient
Hekawi tradition?
Me and that poor, lonely woman
found us another
Hekawi tradition.
And Wild Eagle figured
it was more important
than any of the rest.
What tradition is that?
It is written that when a baby
cries for its mother,
then the mother's gonna
be crying so much louder
that nobody in
camp gets any sleep.
Including Wild Eagle.
Janey, you're wonderful.
Yeah, thank you, Janey.
[♪♪♪]
I'm sure gonna miss
those little fellers.
Yeah, they... They
were awfully cute.
Well, don't you
critters fret none.
Roaring Chicken
ruled that all three of ya
still got visiting rights.
What?
That's wonderful!
We can build a crib.
[CHATTERING EXCITEDLY]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
♪ The end of the
Civil War Was near ♪
♪ When quite accidentally ♪
♪ A hero who sneezed
Abruptly seized ♪
♪ Retreat And
reversed it to victory ♪
♪ His Medal of Honor
Pleased and thrilled ♪
♪ His proud little
Family group ♪
♪ While pinning it on
Some blood was spilled ♪
♪ And so it was
planned He'd command ♪
♪ F Troop! ♪
♪ Where Indian fights
Are colorful sights ♪
♪ And nobody takes a lickin' ♪
♪ Where paleface and redskin ♪
♪ Both turn chicken ♪
♪ When drilling and
fighting Get them down ♪
♪ They know their
morale Can't droop ♪
♪ As long as they
all Relax in town ♪
♪ Before they resume
With a bang and a boom ♪
♪ F Troop! ♪
[♪♪♪]
[BUGLE PLAYS "REVEILLE"]
What's going on?
It feels like I
just got to sleep.
You did. It's 2:00
in the morning.
Two o'clock? Somebody's
gonna hear about this.
Where they coming from, captain?
How many are there? Gentlemen.
Listen, if it's the Shugs,
you hang on to your hats.
We're already three weeks
into the scalping season.
At night, they don't always
get you on the first swing.
You're jumping to
conclusions. There's no attack.
No attack?
Right. Call the troop
to order. I'll explain.
[YELLS]
Atten... [YAWNS] Attention.
Men, I know you're all wondering
why I've have assembled
you out here at this hour,
so I won't keep you in suspense.
We are all about to
go on night maneuver.
Night maneuver?
[CHATTERING]
[YELLS]
[CHATTERING QUIETS]
That's right.
Now, it's something
we've all been neglecting,
but it is specifically
covered in my manual.
Right here. Section 22,
page five, paragraph 14.
He's reading from
the manual again.
I thought I told you
to burn that thing.
PARMENTER: I quote:
"In order to keep troops
at maximum efficiency,
"all outposts will be
required to participate
in one night
maneuver per month."
So there you have it, men.
Now, you have 10
minutes to reassemble here
wearing full field packs.
Any questions?
Sir? Yes, Vanderbilt?
May I be excused?
Why? I just can't do anything
till after I've had my coffee.
I can't coordinate.
I-I just don't feel
like I'm all here until...
Captain, sir, there's a problem
with these night maneuvers.
It's dangerous
being out there, it's...
Well, it's loaded
with poison oak.
I'm aware of the
hazards, corporal,
but the manual is specific.
The captain's right.
Rules are rules.
If we're gonna be good soldiers,
we've got to go by the manual.
Thank you, sergeant.
Sir, my men will follow
wherever you lead.
If it's night
maneuvers you want,
night maneuvers you'll get.
I'll give the order.
Men, you heard the captain.
There'll be no questions
asked, no one excused.
F Troop is going
on night maneuvers,
and we're going first
thing in the morning.
Troop dismissed.
Halt. Halt.
Corporal call the
men to attention.
[YELLS]
Sergeant, you can't go on
night maneuvers in the daytime.
Oh, well, I guess you're right.
Must be the hour. I
wasn't thinking clear.
Well, everyone's entitled
to an honest mistake.
Men... you now
have only six minutes.
Dismissed.
[♪♪♪]
Night maneuvers, who needs it?
[SCREAMS]
I just stepped on a bear.
Bear?
Feels like a bear
and it smells like a...
Vanderbilt, get up!
I slipped. After all,
I'm carrying your pack
and my pack too, sarge.
Well, watch it.
I told ya, I can't do anything
till after I have my coffee.
Anyway, we're
supposed to be cavalry.
How come we're walkin'?
How come we're walkin'?
The captain hadn't the
heart to wake up the horses.
That's how come we're walkin'.
Now get movin'.
Boy, sarge, this is brutal.
You're slipping.
How come you couldn't
talk the captain out of this?
Well, this was a tough one.
He knows the difference
between day and night.
He keeps reading that manual...
Shh! There he is.
[♪♪♪]
Men, one reason
for these maneuvers
is too teach you the
art of picking your way
through strange
terrain in the darkness.
Now, I've read every
book on mountain climbing
and hiking and tracking.
And the main thing is
to always listen carefully,
to always be careful
of your footing...
Are you all right?
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
See, those books also
taught me how to fall.
You're supposed
to go all sort of limp.
Hey, look, captain,
don't you think
we ought to go back to the
fort before somebody gets hurt?
No, no, we can't
go back to the fort
until we complete our mission,
which is to ford the river.
But you're heading
in the wrong direction.
You're going toward
the Hekawi camp.
Sergeant, if there's
one thing I have learned,
it's how to direct
myself by the stars.
Now, there is the Big Dipper
and there is the North Star.
So we continue
in this direction.
Follow me.
Captain!
Whoa, whoa.
All right, let's go, men.
And to make sure
no one gets lost,
hold hands with
the one on your left.
[♪♪♪]
This way, men.
If he thinks he's heading
toward the river, he's batty.
You see that?
AGARN: Yeah. "General
Custer hates Sitting Bull."
That's what's getting him mad.
Custer keeps putting
it on rocks and trees...
That's not the point.
You remember
passing that log before?
Yeah, on the way to our still
above the Hekawi camp. So what?
So what? Listen, with our luck,
he's apt to stumble
onto that still
and find out those Indians
have been making the whiskey
for my saloon in town,
then we're gonna
be in real trouble.
You said it. And that manual's
got a whole chapter
on court martials.
Wait a minute.
I'll try to lead him
away, but just in case,
you circle around and get
up to the still and be there
to divert him, if necessary.
Right.
[♪♪♪]
Captain, I'm telling you,
the river's in the
opposite direction.
You're headed right
for the Hekawi camp.
Nonsense, sergeant, we're
nowhere near the Indians.
Men, our destination was
the river and we have arrived.
Did you hear that?
Three cheers for the captain.
Hip hip. MEN: Hooray.
Hip hip. MEN: Hooray.
Hip hip. [WEAKLY] Hooray.
Now, when we break
through this brush,
you'll see the river bank.
[♪♪♪]
What's with this
"hip, hip, hooray"?
Wake everybody up.
Uh, I come in peace.
I was giving my
men a night problem.
You give us night
problem: How to get sleep.
This is outrage.
Hekawi not get sleep,
Hekawi not have energy to work.
Indian cannot work,
cannot make living.
Indian go in red!
Indian go in red.
[LAUGHS]
Not bad in middle of night, eh?
That's very clever. Heh-heh-heh.
You not laugh?
You should be shamed of self.
Now, chief, it's all right,
we'll just go right on along,
let you go back to sleep.
Not easy to go back to sleep.
Chief, this was a mistake.
Believe me, I'm
sure I can explain.
Let's powwow.
All right, we powwow.
[♪♪♪]
Heap big rock fall.
Wild Eagle come
close to being big heap.
That was a close one, all right.
Well, let's all get
some sleep now, huh?
Wait, Roaring Chicken just
see great deed of bravery.
What you talk about?
Well, really, that was nothing.
Not nothing. Roaring
Chicken see with own eyes.
Wild Eagle owe his
life to brave captain.
Thank you for saving
life. Now we go to bed.
Good idea.
Wait, brave deed call
for great ceremony.
It is written,
when life of the Hekawi
chief is saved in full of moon,
then will thorns of
the cactus soften.
I'm very touched,
Roaring Chicken,
but really, we must
be getting back.
Yeah. Wait!
Not until brave captain
receives reward.
What?
Reward commanded by
the tradition of our great tribe.
It 4:00 in morning.
I send gift later by messenger.
Hey, Red Arrow.
You deliver.
Okay, men. Let's start back.
Back!
[♪♪♪]
Well, hundred pounds of oats
is gonna cost you all of $0.75.
Wilton?
Howdy, Wilton.
My, but I'm proud of you.
Me, Janey?
Yessiree, Bob.
Whole town's
talking about the way
you saved Wild Eagle's life.
Oh, that. Well, actually, we...
[YAWNING] We were... Excuse me.
We were out on
night maneuvers...
You can't help being a
natural-born hero, can you?
Oh, now, Janey.
O'ROURKE: Captain
Parmenter, sir.
Oh, excuse me.
I'll see you later, Wilton.
Sir.
What is it, sergeant?
I was wondering if you
could let the men off duty
a few hours early today, sir.
They're a little tired.
Tired, hm? Yes.
Well, I hope they got something
out of those night maneuvers.
Yeah, well, they did, sir.
Three cases of poison
ivy and one of poison oak.
Oh, that's a shame.
Yeah, but we found Vanderbilt.
Oh, good. Yeah.
I can't imagine how
anybody stepped on him
and broke his glasses.
Have you got anything
from the chief yet?
No. I wonder what
they're going to send me.
[YAWNING] I'm...
I'm kinda tired myself.
Yeah, me too. I could sure
use a good night's sleep.
[♪♪♪]
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
[BABY CRYING]
[CRYING CONTINUES]
[♪♪♪]
"To Captain Parmenter:
You saved chief's life.
"I happy to follow
Hekawi tradition,
which say I give you a life."
Signed Wild Eagle.
Congratulations, captain.
You're a father.
Isn't he a cute little feller?
Yeah, he sure is.
Sarge.
He's smiling for me.
Did you ever see
such cute dimples?
Yeah, it's a shame we
have to give him back.
What do you mean, give him back?
We can't do that.
Chief would be insulted.
Oh, but it's against
regulations to keep a baby here.
I'll show you in my manual.
I didn't know you
was sentimental.
Who's sentimental?
You're an old softy.
You're stuck on the kid.
You don't wanna give him back.
I just don't wanna
get the chief riled.
He could put us out of business.
I never thought of that.
Now, I'll show you
exactly... what...
Darn it, this is my diary.
[BABY CRIES]
I must have burned
his address book.
Here it is. Under
"dependencies."
"Due to the dangers
of outpost life,
"under limited circumstances,
the wives of officers
"will be allowed to
accompany their husbands,
"but no children under
18 will be permitted
to live within the
confines of the fort."
See? That covers it.
Wait a minute. I know
these Indians, see,
and the worst thing
you can do is to return
the personal gift of a chief.
Could mean only
one thing, captain.
War with the Hekawi.
In that case, it would be
folly to make a hasty decision.
We'll keep the baby until
I figure something out.
Ah, good thinking, captain.
Well, let's all get some sleep.
[BABY GURGLING]
Here you are, captain.
See you in the morning.
Uh, men, maybe
it would be better
if you kept the baby
with you tonight.
Well, no, that wouldn't
fair to the baby, sir.
You see, I snore.
But I moan in my sleep.
Nobody wants you?
I'll take you, little feller.
You're coming with me.
[SNORING] [BABY CRYING]
Good. Yeah.
What woke up the little baby?
[SNORTS, MUTTERS]
That's it.
[BABY WAILS]
What happened?
You woke him, you walk him.
Huh? Uh... Uh... [CHUCKLES]
Hello, little fella.
Here we go, baby.
[CHUCKLES]
Alrighty, now.
Here, now.
See that, this little
piggy went to market.
This little piggy stayed home.
This little piggy
had roast beef.
No? You don't like that one?
Uh... ♪ One little, two little ♪
♪ Three little Indians ♪
♪ Four little,
five little, six... ♪
[BABY CRIES] Ooh,
nope, that's all right.
I know. Don't like that.
What's that other one?
Oh, you're a big help.
Uh... ♪ Rockabye baby ♪
♪ In the treetop ♪
♪ When the bough
breaks, The cradle... ♪
No, that's not the
right words, but I...
[♪♪♪]
Well, the little fella
is asleep at last, sir.
Good work, sergeant.
Now, let's make sure
nothing disturbs him.
[WHISPERING] Duffy.
Here.
Duddleson.
Here.
Vanderbilt.
Who?
You.
That's me.
Of course. Of course.
F Troop all present
and accounted for.
Present and accounted for, sir.
Raise the flag.
Easy.
Fire the cannon.
[BABY CRYING]
[CRYING CONTINUES]
What's he doing in there?
Oh, we thought he might
be happier in a teepee.
So why does he still look sad?
Who knows?
Yeah, we tried
everything we can think of.
Captain, why don't you...
Why don't see what you
can do with him, maybe, huh?
Uh, yeah.
Well, uh... I'll
try a war dance.
Yeah, good.
[WHOOPING]
Are you ready with
that bathwater yet?
AGARN: Yeah, bring
him over here to me.
All right, come on,
now, here we go.
Here we go. We're
gonna get nice and clean.
There we go.
[LAUGHS]
[CRYING]
Aw, what did we do wrong?
We didn't do nothing.
Get the sponge.
What's up, Wilton?
They'd said you
wanted to see me.
Yes, Jane, there's
something I wanted to ask you.
Tell me, do you like babies?
I love babies.
And I love sewing and
taking care of the house,
and I bake a cherry
pie that can't be beat.
Cherry... Oh, no, no.
This baby's too
young for cherry pie.
He might swallow
the... What baby?
My baby. The one I
want you to take care of.
Wilton Parmenter, you
should be horsewhipped.
Oh, no. No, Jane.
Wild Eagle gave me this
baby for saving his life.
Oh. For a minute
there, I... Come on.
Come on, I'll show you.
It's the cutest little
papoose you ever saw.
[CRYING]
Oh, isn't he cute.
How long's he been crying?
That's all he does.
He never stops.
Sometimes they cry like that
when they have the cramps.
Why should he have the cramps?
He eats the same stuff we do.
Ham and eggs and hotcakes.
Hoppin' horned toads!
You don't feed a
kid things like that.
[♪♪♪]
There, there.
There, there.
[BURPS]
Now baby feels better.
Why don't you all leave,
and I'll take care of him.
Yeah.
I don't suppose any of
you buzzards had the brains
to give this kid a bath?
I bathed him.
You did?
Eight times. My
skin is ready to peel.
Jane, we can't handle that baby.
You've got to take
care of him for us.
Well, I don't have time
with the store and all.
And besides, the
best place for that baby
is with his mother.
I agree. And it's my fault
for not taking him back
in the first place, as I wanted.
Yeah, but we can't
insult the chief.
Jumpin' horned toads.
I say when that baby
wakes up from his nap,
he should go right
back to his mother.
She's right. She is right.
He's going back if I have
to take him back myself.
Come on, Jane, I'll walk
you back to your store.
Ever since he got his way
on those night maneuvers,
there's been no stopping him.
There's goes the still.
I wonder how we'll do in
the sarsaparilla business.
Oh, very funny, very funny.
I wonder what can we do to
get that baby back to the chief.
Maybe Roaring Chicken
can find us another proverb.
What? Like, "When
lonely chipmunk cry
at full of moon, a papoose's
best friend is his mother."
Yeah, yeah.
You might have something there.
Let's go see the man.
Give back?
You'll make chief
scream like wild eagle.
Now, we don't want
to insult the chief, but...
Well, now, the truth
of the matter is...
Well, we just can't take
proper care of the kid.
Roaring Chicken make no law.
There is only one
way for captain
to giveum back baby to chief.
How's that?
Wild Eagle must
save life of captain,
then captain give baby back.
Oh, if Wild Eagle saves
the captain's life, then...
[O'ROURKE CHUCKLES]
Yeah, thanks, Roaring Chicken.
Come on, Agarn. Let's
get back to the fort.
Captain, we all agree that
we should take the baby back,
but we don't want any
trouble with them Hekawis.
That's true.
And Roaring Chicken says
it's the only way we can do it
without insulting the chief.
Well, then, we'll
just have to let him
save my life. But
how? Here's the plan:
Now, we've been bickering
with them Hekawis for years
over the fishing
rights to the river.
So you and the chief go
out to inspect the area.
The chief and I? Just
the two of you, all alone.
Now, when you're
fording the river,
you fall off your horse
and pretend to drown,
he saves your life.
When he brings you back,
we give him the baby.
Oh, I don't know.
[BABY CRIES]
We'll do it.
[♪♪♪]
Captain Parmenter
is here and he's ready
to go out with you right now.
And settle, once and for all,
the fishing rights
on that river.
You wake me from nap for this?
Wild Eagle, you can
take nap anytime.
Fishing rights
important to whole tribe.
How come you not do your duty?
How come you not
mind own business?
Now, you go to teepee
or you get arrow in pants.
Aah! I go. I go.
Arrow a day keep doctor away.
Well, as long as sleep broken,
might as well go with captain.
[GRUNTS]
[♪♪♪]
Now, just let him
save you from drowning
and we'll wait
for you right here.
All right?
Go on.
Giddap!
You ready?
Let's go. Off to the river.
Hey! River this way.
[HORSES CLOMPING]
Here they come now.
Oh! Captain look like wet wash.
O'ROURKE: Chief, what happened?
Him fall in river, almost drown.
And you saved him.
Boy, was he lucky
to have you around.
Me not save him. Me can't swim.
What? What?
In water, Wild
Eagle sink like rock.
Him lucky fella.
Going down third time
when horse drag him out.
How do you like that?
We can't give
the kid to a horse.
Whoa!
Him very slippery.
Slide off horse six
times on way home.
Are you all right, sir?
I think so. I think so.
But I... I think I
lost my manual.
Oh, what a shame.
Why, captain. You're shivering.
Yeah.
Here, wrap this
around your shoulders.
Oh, thank you.
Well, chief, we'll...
We'll settle the fishing
rights some other time.
Right now, I have
to get back to the...
[SNEEZES]
[♪♪♪]
Look out, chief!
[PEBBLES SCATTERING]
You come with me.
Him do it again.
Save life of chief.
Hey!
You get brother now.
First time in Hekawi history.
Oh, b-b-but I didn't...
I... All I did was...
[BABY CRYING]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Wrangler, you did it.
That I did.
What? The chief
took the babies back?
You can bet a bucket
of buzzards he did.
Oh, Janey, that's wonderful.
But how did you do it?
Easy as pie.
I just went to the
babies' mother.
She was sure missing
them kids dreadful.
But the ancient
Hekawi tradition?
Me and that poor, lonely woman
found us another
Hekawi tradition.
And Wild Eagle figured
it was more important
than any of the rest.
What tradition is that?
It is written that when a baby
cries for its mother,
then the mother's gonna
be crying so much louder
that nobody in
camp gets any sleep.
Including Wild Eagle.
Janey, you're wonderful.
Yeah, thank you, Janey.
[♪♪♪]
I'm sure gonna miss
those little fellers.
Yeah, they... They
were awfully cute.
Well, don't you
critters fret none.
Roaring Chicken
ruled that all three of ya
still got visiting rights.
What?
That's wonderful!
We can build a crib.
[CHATTERING EXCITEDLY]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]