FK Zebra (2008–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Episode #1.5 - full transcript

Los Angeles is
a beautiful place to live.

We don't need a vacation
to go to the beach,

and it almost never rains.

Unfortunately, the Johnsons
live in the Valley.

So when it gets hot out here...

Ugh! ...it really gets hot.

Oh, God!

I didn't think I was gonna
make it home from the jog.

It was so hot,
I had to drink hose water.

I told you
not to go out there.

Baby, we are not
outside people.



Then why did we
put in a pool?

I like to stunt.

Okay. Whatever.

Listen,
I got to cool off.

Alright.
Well, luckily,

I have a cool indooractivity
planned for the family.

Johnson Family on Ice.

Please say
Johnson Family on Ice.

Yes,
Johnson Family on Ice,

where we kick up the A/C
to beat the heat

and have
an Ice Cube movie marathon.

Whoo! I'm finally old enough to watch
the whole "Friday" trilogy.

I know it's Friday
and he ain't got no job,

but what happens next?



Well, son,
you're in for a treat.

Plus, I have a surprise
for this very special occasion.

Oh, my God!
Is Ice Cube here?!

Ohh.

Yay-yay!

Old-timey
popcorn machine?!

This is why I defend you when
people say you are a bad father.

Ahh!

Let the hot,
buttery fun begin!

Trois, deux...

Oh, God.

- Oh, no.
- Oh.

I think the A/C is out.

- No.
- What?

It's supposed to be
110 degrees today.

Uh, is it gonna be okay? I feel
like it's not gonna be okay.

- It's gonna be...
- No! N-N-N-N-N-N-No!

Nobody panic. We have
a ton of fans in the garage.

Okay, Bow, those fans
need electricity.

What kind of doctor
are you?

I'm sorry.
I'm just so hot!

Is there anyone else
having trouble breathing?

No. Oh, God. You know what?

I think
we should alternate

so that we don't use up
all the oxygen.

As I watched my family
fall apart,

I realized
today was not a good day.

Yay-yayyyy.

Captions by VITAC...

*BLACKISH*
Season 07 Episode 09
Episode Title: "Black-out"

All the white people's power is
out, too, so it's not just us.

Mama, I paid my bill.

Baby, listen. I just said
what everybody's thinking.

You didn't need to run
all up and down the street, Dre.

The neighbors are already
talking about it on Nextdoor.

Okay. What are they saying?

Well, one person saysthat
it's gonna be out all week.

Mm-hmm. Now they're saying it's just
a rolling blackout.

And then...
Oh, look at that.

Janine has hijacked
the thread.

She's saying the fireworks
are scaring her punk-ass dog.

Okay. You know what?

There's no guaranteethat
it's coming back soon.

This could be the beginningof
a "Mad Max" situation.

A what?

I've got to
get to the store

and buy all the pasta
beforesome idiot starts a panic buy.

No! Well, listen, make sure
you get some Lysol,

- any kind of flat meat...
- Mm-hmm.

And fill your trunk
upwith those dried beans.

Take the spare tire outif you have to.

Yes, Mama.

Listen.Mm.

You're making
too big of a deal of this.

You tell that
to the dinosaurs.

I'm going
to clean my gun.

Okay, you are overreacting!

The power's only been out
for five minutes.

Okay.
You know what, baby?

The way
this year's gone,

with the fires, the
earthquakes, and the pandemic,

there is no such thing
as an overreaction anymore.

Really?

Dre, we haven't been
ableto park in the garage

since the spring.

Will you just admit
that you bought too much?

No.

I didn't buy enough.

I can't put my feet up.

Mm-hmm.

Bow, it is my job

to make sure
that the Johnsons are prepared.

Dre, it is justa little power outage, okay?

If we run out
of anything,

we'll just borrow itfrom
someone on the block.

So you want to rely
on strangers?

They're not strangers! What?

They're our neighbors!

And, anyway,
everybody's already

looking out for each otheron the app.

- Mm-hmm.
- And it's...

- Ooh.
- What is it?

Well, there's a, um... possible looter.

- What?
- Yeah.

It says
he's wearing a...

loud polo shirt...

Hey...

navy shorts, and a... giant necklace.

See? It's every man
for himself.

Like I want to steal
some of their garbage.

What are you guys doing?

Pssh! Nothing.

Nothing at all.
Yeah.

We're gonna have to
grabhis PlayStation later.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Were you guys trying to
loot my room while I'm in here?

No! No!

We were just gonna
check up on you.

- Mm-hmm.
- Hmm.

Fine. It's hotter
than a tram at the zoo,

so we were sure
that you fainted up here.

Well, since you're here,

you can help me find
my portable charger.

My phone is dead,
and I need to call Olivia.

Your phone
is alwaysdead.

Seriously, dude, you have to
learn how to charge your phone.

I know.

Olivia is always saying

I'm gonna regret not having it
charged in an emergency.

I cannot
let her be right.

But she isright.

Only if she knows
she's right.

You sound like Dad.

Hurtful.

Okay, guys,
this is not a drill.

We've gone
from Johnsons on Ice

to "Survivor: Johnsons Island,"
alright?

We've got to get to the store
because sometimes,

they limit the items
per customer in a crisis.

This is how we triple up.

Let's go.
Come on! Come on!

Hey!
Not you, alright?

We need room in the car
for groceries.

Fine!

Good luck getting stuff
off the high shelves!

If there's one thing you can count on during a
crisis, it's that people are gonna act stupid.

Okay, you know what?
I'm glad I grabbed you two,

because these shelves are gonna
be stripped bare real soon.

Yeah, because of us.

We don't need
all this bread.

What?! Bread is
the duct tape of food!

Breakfast,
you have toast.

Lunch, a sandwich.

Dinner, croutons.

Dessert, bread pudding.

That's a whole day
in one loaf.

What? You don't know
my situation.

Look at all these kids.

Alright? And this is
not even my whole family.

Look, we go through
three chickens at every meal,

so don't worry about
how many bagels we need.

You're the only one
who eats bagels.

You don't need to be
talking about our business

in front of people.

I'm just sayin'...

Eyes on your own cart,
Karen.

See? Your mama?

She wants to depend
on judgmental people like her.

But my motto is,
if you stayready,

you don't
have to getready.

But you weren't ready.

You know what?

You don't get dinner
tonight.

- What?!
- More toast for me.

What? I...

You see? This is why
we had to jump into action.

Blackout is
starting to spread.

I'm sorry, ma'am.
The card reader is down.

But we can take cash.

I don't have any on me.

Oh.
Well, looky here.

You were so busy
minding mybusiness

that you forgot
to lock yours up.

Me?

I always carry cash.

In fact...

I will be paying
for her groceries.

Thank you!

For myself.

And you said
I wasn't ready.

Ooh! That's it.

Oh, my God!

- Mm.
- This is insane!

Dre, why aren't you putting
this stuff in the kitchen?

- No room.
- Oh, m...

Yeah, I got us supplies
to last us five days.

You're welcome.

You got steaks?

I'm not gonna let a blackout
rob me of my lifestyle.

Dre, do you know the story
of the farmer and the river?

You know I don't, Bow.
Okay.

Well,
there was a drought, Dre,

but the farmer
lived by a river,

so he was fine
with his crops

and he was safe
and he could eat.

But when the drought ended,
he walked down into the town,

and he discovered

that everyone else
had died of hunger.

So the River Man became
the mayor of his own town,

and the idiots died.

Natural selection, Bow.

So you're telling me
that you would prefer to live

in a society
that has no community

so you can get yours.

Okay, the key word
is "live," Bow.

It's not my job
to look out for the community.

It's my job to look out
for me and mine.

Who are you?

If it were up to you,

we would probably live
with our doors unlocked

and you would have
all of our money outside.

- Why would I put money
outside? - I am a wartime general, Bow.

- Wartime?
- Yes, warti...

On the floor, Bow!

Down! Down! Incoming!

Okay, you are
embarrassing yourself.

- Oh, hi, friend!
- Hi!

I hate to ask this,
but do you have any extra TP?

The stores are all out.

Actu... Uh, we do not.

Uh... actually...

we do.

I will leave you, Bow.

Excuse me.
Do you mind if we just...

I'm...
Just give us one second.

What are you doing?

Dre, we have
enough toilet paper.

We can give it to her.
Okay?

We have an obligation
to provide it.

She has a front yard
full of leaves, Bow.

She'll be fine.

And what about
her children?

It's not myfault she's
a bad mother. Dre...

Maybe you ought to move
a little farther into the house

to have this conversation.
Sorry about that.

- That hurt when he...
You hear... - Yeah. Okay.

- You were
supposedto hear it.- Okay.

She is asking for something
that we can provide.

We can help...

so we are gonna help.

Here you go.

Oh.
Thank you so much.

You are literally
saving my life...

And my good napkins.

I am so sorry
about my husband.

He does not seem
to understand

that when you live
in a neighborhood...

Yeah... it's about
helping each other.

You know what?
I've got a generator.

You want to come over
and cool off?

- Yes!
- You. You.

Yes, of course.
Of course, of course, of course.

Iwould love to.

And Iwill be right over.

I'm gonna go
chill some toothpicks.

- Alright, great!
- Oh, my God. Toothpicks?

I hope you like sausage.

And there it was.

In our moment of crisis,

Bow had chosen a stranger
over her own family.

River Man would have never
survived had he had a wife!

While I was providing
for my family,

Bow was putting everyone
and their mamas before us.

I always knew that one day,
you would betray me.

Oh. Of course, I thought
it would be with Prince,

at an after show.

Oh, my God.
Alright.

You know, really,
after all, it is Prince.

I wouldn't be able
to blame you.

But never in my wildest dreams
did I see thiscoming.

Are you done?

I'm never done.
Wow.

And now
you're taking her wine?

Yes. Why don't you give her
one of the kids?

I mean, we have a surplus
of those, too.

You're starting something
you can't stop.

Dre, you don't think
that the pandemic

has made people realize
that we're all in this together?

I did something
for Janine,

and now she's opening up
her house to us.

But no!

You would rather
die in this heat

than admit that
your glorious wife is right.

My people are from Africa,
Bow.

I ain't scared
of a little heat.

Well, Iam.

Yeah, you wouldbe.

Plus, Janine has power,
and I need to charge my phone.

Well, I'm sure
that she will let you,

because you are
a part of this community.

Come on, guys.
Let's go get in some A/C.

No.
You can take Junior.

He can go over there
and dip his celery in mayonnaise

- with Janine, but...
- What?

My two realkids?

They're gonna stay here
with me.

Right, kids?

Huddle.

We're staying
at the Johnson house.

But mostly
for the doomsday steaks.

Okay, that's fine.

But if you change
your mind,

just know
that everyone is welcome.

Well...

not everyone.

Come on, Junior.
Let's go.

Deuces.

Let's go
fire up this grill.

Alright!

As payment
for your loyalty,

you two get first choice
when those come off the grill.

Not gonna lie... so far,
you're winning this battle.

Thank you, Jack.

And I like
how you turned survival

into a fun
family competition.

Baby girl,
life is a competition.

That's why we always have to
be there for each other.

And I'm prepared enough
for all of us.

- Amen.
- Mm-hmm.

That's why
I always carry cash on me

and I never let my gas dip
below a quarter of a tank.

I never want
to let you guys down.

Mm.

Let's get this started
right here.

Uh, you know, sometimes,
you got to hit both of them.

Wait a minute.

Uh, do you have a different
gas tank rule for propane?

Uh, maybe it just ran out.

That's okay.
Let's just go buy some.

If I'm being honest,

I may have, uh,
jeopardized our cash reserves

while trying to teach that lady
a lesson at the store.

But you know what?

You guys can
put those steaks on ice,

and I will come back
with some propane, okay?

Just give me an hour, and I will
have that grill up and running.

It's cool.
Let me know how that goes.

I'll be at Janine's.

What? Yep. I'm out.

You really think
that this steak

is worth the pit stains
in this fresh tee?

Pssh! But I thought
you believed in me, son.

Mm... I think I believed in
the ideaof you.

If you think
that I can't eat

11 pounds
of bone-in rib-eye steak,

you're just as crazy
as your mother!

Ha!

Ahh!

Ahhhhhh!

I cannot tell you
how wonderful

- it feels in here.
- Mm!

Yeah, I like to keep it
at 66,

so if you get a little chilly,
there's electric blankets.

Oh! It is so nice that my kids
get to see what it...

What it feels like

when community
actually comes together.

I love that we are
looking out for each other.

Which...
leads me to this.

Don't you wish
you knew a way

to make a little extra cash
in your spare time?

What?

Allow me to take you
on a trip into the future.

Unh! Please tell me this is
the start of a magic trick.

It's no trick.

It's your ticket...

to financial freedom

and the glorious world
of GloGenics!

The Ponzi scheme?

Oh! Mnh-mnh-mnh.
The lifestyle brand.

Gosh, I've been wanting to get
you on the team for a while now.

I pretty much tapped out
my community,

but I thought youcould tap into
a new market at your...

- What?
- Like, uh, your church or your...

- Oh, wow.
- Salon...

or with
your sister girls.

You know, a market
that I don't have access to.

Uh-huh.

I can't believe
this is happening.

Believe it.

Okay,
let's take a look

at how GloGenics can unlock
your full economic potential.

Alright,
alright, alright!

I got my gun
and my road wine.

Reminds me of when
we went to buy diapers

after the Raiders' championship
in '83.

- Okay, Mama?
- Mm?

If you got
a concealed weapons permit,

you're not allowed
to drink.

Who said I got a permit?

Is everything alright
over there?

Yeah, man.
Hey, we good.

This is myhouse.

Oh. Sorry if I startled you.
I know it's your house, Dre.

You just have a lot
of propane tanks in your trunk.

I thought
I'd help you out.

How do you know my name?

Baby, you're the only Black man
on the street.

Everybody knows your name.

Well, yeah.

Well, also because I've been
your neighbor for eight years.

What?

Wayne?

From down the block?

Yes! Yes.

Yes!

Wayne in the yellow house
with the wife, Vicki.

Blue house,
husband, Steve.

- Right, right, right.
- Right, yeah. Uh-huh.

Okay. I mean,
everything's good, man.

- You know, we just...
- Yeah.

Just ran out of propane.
That's all.

Well, I got an extratank in my garage.
I'll go grab it for you.

Okay. Well, you know, can I at
least give you some money for it?

Absolutely not.

We're neighbors.

You'd do the same for me,
right?

Be right back. E...

Looking at this stranger
willing to help me out

for absolutely nothing
in return

made me realize that I was
wrong about everything.

- Listen, baby.
- Hmm?

When he comes back,

just let me know if you need me
to stand my ground.

Mama.

I'll wait till
he's on our property.

Bow was right.

Peoplecan come together
in times of need.

I knew it was time to admit
that I was wrong.

What are you doing back
so soon?

Yes.

And why do you smell
like lavender?

It was a parting gift
from Janine.

She is trying to break into
the urban market, Dre.

Eh?
People are the worst.

The only people you can count on
are ourselves.

I was wrong.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Or... maybe I'll let her
tell me I was right

for a little bit longer
before I apologize.

Turns out it was a trap.

I thought Janine wanted
to help us, but no.

She just wanted
a captive audience.

Hmm.

And after you put your faith
in other people.

I know.
Uh-huh.

But at least I was able to
get us out of there gracefully.

I can't believe
that you think

that as
a medical professional,

I would sell this
to ♪♪♪♪ anybody!

This is
overpriced snake oil!

I will admit
that our proprietary blends

are a little bit pricy,
but you can tell your homegirls

that we have financing
and... Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

No credit checks.

Kids! We are leaving!

But my phone's not charged yet!

Now, Junior!

Oh. Looks like somebody could
use a little eucalyptus!

So you were right.

Yes!

Because no one
came to check on us,

and the only person that came by
was actually using us

for toilet paper
and a pyramid scheme.

- Mm-hmm.
- We are the outsiders.

See, I've been trying
to tell you, Bow,

these people don't
give a damn about us.

Look, they wouldn't even
spit on us if we were on fire.

Hey, Dre.

Hey. Thought I'd save you
the trouble,

just drop this off
out back.

Huh.

Hello, Wayne.

Hey.

What are you...
doing here?

Oh. Well, Dre needed propane,
so I hooked him up.

Shh. Shh, shh.

Huh.
You did, huh?

Damn, Wayne. You couldn't
leave that out front?

Let me know if there's anything
else I can help out with...

neighbor.

Of course!
Alright. Bye, Bow.

Oh, my God.
So neighborly.

Wouldn't spit on us
if we were on fire, huh?

Okay, it was just
a figure of speech, Bow.

- Was it?
- Alright, you know what?

I've got to go get these steaks
and put them on the grill.

You know, they've been at room
temperature for the last six hours.

Yeah. That's why Ithought it was strange
when you bought 'em.

I'm sorry
I let my phone die again.

Honestly,
I'm just glad you're okay.

When I didn't hear from you
all day,

I started to get
really worried.

It's 100 degrees out,
and I know how delicate you are.

Well, you know I come from
a long line of delicate men.

Yeah.
What happened?

I didn't charge my phone,

and it came back to bite me,
like you said it would.

Ohh.

I just don't want you
to think of me

as some sort of helpless idiot
that you always have to fix.

Everyone has
their blind spots.

You are the most responsible
person I know.

You taught Jack to read

when Diane taught him
to read wrong on purpose.

I guess I shouldn't be
so hard on myself.

No.

I just want to look
dependable and strong.

You don't have to be
anything but yourself for me.

Well, that is a relief,

because I am not great
in a crisis.

I don't know
how to grow plants.

Oh. I'm scared of guns,
so I wouldn't be able to hunt.

- So?
- I don't know how to fix things.

I feel like I'd just be some
sort of modern-day court jester.

That is if I didn't die

- during the first...
- Okay. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Maybe not totallyyourself.

Right, right.
Just pull back.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Alright.

♪♪

I might not be able to tell
which one is raw and well done,

so I guess we're gonna have to
bite into them to find out.

So, are we just
gonna pretend

that Propane Wayne
didn't save the day?

- He did.
- Uh-huh.

But, you know,
when he came over to help,

I still felt like
he was going to

accuse me of something
in my own driveway.

Mm.

Babe, you're right.

Maybe it's not
us against the world.

But it is weird.

Hmm?

Being the only
Black family around.

I'm not gonna lie, Dre.
I feel isolated, too.

Yeah.

It was so easy
to believe in community

when all of my neighbors
were Black.

But here, I feel like
I have to keep my guard up.

Yeah, well, if you hadn't
let your guard down,

then you would not be
about to grill them steaks.

I need to learn not to let
the fear of one thing going bad

make me miss out on the
99 things that are going well.

Yeah.
Ye...

Oh.
Look at Black Jesus.

Thank God!

Okay, I am gonna run the A/C
so cold that we get sick.

Andwe have time to watch
at le ast two of the "Fridays."

Alright, that sounds great,
baby.

And for dessert, we can eat
one of the five pies I bought.

You bought five pies?

Actually, I bought six.

I ate one of them
when the kids deserted me.

Which one did you eat?

Sweet potato!

Hey-hey!

The lights are up.
The stage is set.

It's Glo time!

Alright,
cut to the chase.

How many friends and
familydo I have to rope into this

- before I turn a profit?
- Mm.

35.

And I honestly don't think
I'm gonna get there.

This isn't about you.

I'd like to follow up
with some of the things

that you said
in the Rewards section.

Mm-hmm. Let's talk about
this trip to Hawaii.

Mm.

Technically, it's Guam,

but I think you two are above
the legal drinking age there.

You think you'd get more
for moving 20,000 units.

I'm out.

What? No, no.

They won't stop
sending me oils!

Guys, please!

I went down
to their headquarters.

It's just an abandoned
warehousewith chickens!