Expecting Amy (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Episode #1.2 - full transcript
♪♪
Not today, but I was throwing up
blood a couple days ago.
Look at this.
We got you.
A little fancier than
your Kroger bag.
This is my first
and only time.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Babe, finally,
a condom for you.
[ Laughs ]
[ Spits ]
Can, uh -- Can we have the room
for a minute?
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
[ Bluegrass music playing ]
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Kim:
To Chris and Amy!
[ Cheers and applause ]
You know, Amy may
never win an Oscar.
[ Laughter ]
I've been married
for nine years,
but I don't have any advice
for you guys.
Oh, I can't do this.
Amy: You got it!
Okay.
[ Laughter ]
I just have
a few observations.
[ Voice breaking ]
You have to read this.
This is from me.
Vinnie has to read it
'cause I'll lose my mind.
Yeah.
Vinnie: Amy might never
win an Oscar.
[ Laughter ]
No, I got it! I got that.
Chris: I wanted to ask
your permission
to ask Amy
if she would marry me.
[ Laughing ] Ask her permission,
not my permission.
I wanted your blessing.
I bless you both.
Oh, thank you.
We just wanted to make
a quick toast.
We actually introduced
Amy and Chris.
Yes.
[ Laughter ]
It was a lot
for Vanessa and I,
but we...
Yeah.
we paid for this.
We paid for this.
We should start this out
by saying that Chris
is the only uncircumcised one
amongst the four of us.
[ Laughter ]
Which was a mystery to us
as young boys
because we only knew
the penis to be one way.
[ Laughs ]
And then there was Chris.
♪♪
Lawrence: Dear Amy,
today is your wedding day,
and you're marrying a man
who loves you.
And we are the lucky ones
that have been touched by you,
personally and sexually.
[ Laughter ]
I wish you a lifetime
of happiness.
I wish you strength
when you need it,
patience, which you don't have,
but I wish that upon you...
[ Laughter ]
...understanding,
and, most importantly, laughter.
Amy: [ Laughs ] Chris!
Chris: We met
on Martha's Vineyard,
'cause you were
filming in Boston.
No.
Yeah.
You were filming a...
No?
No.
Okay.
[ Laughs ]
♪♪
Amy: I like you.
You do make me glow.
I married a chef
because I'm a fucking genius.
[ Laughter ]
I mean, seriously.
Do you like to eat food?
That's what he makes.
We met on Martha's Vineyard
because I was there on vacation
with my family.
Mm.
And Molly had just become
my assistant -- Chris' sister.
And she's like,
"Oh, we want a chef
to cook a meal for us
while we're there."
And she was like,
"My brother's a chef,"
and that's when we met.
I just thought
he was so handsome,
and he was, like, this chef
on Martha's Vineyard --
just, like,
such a romance novel.
And I was just like...
"Fuck this guy."
This is the baby's
real father.
Keith Robinson.
This is Italy.
Are there bigger assholes?
That's "The Last Supper."
Mm-hmm.
Look at my body.
Like, you could see my body.
Molly.
That's where Chris' hand is
when he cooks.
Not a lick of flirting.
I cooked a few times.
And then I hung out
one night and then...
The night you hung out,
I was like --
I got interested in you.
Mm.
I got interested in you.
♪ You don't know
how it feels ♪
♪ You don't know
how it feels ♪
♪ To be me ♪
He knew that I liked him
more than a friend
when I asked him
to borrow his shirt.
And I was.
You know, that's a move.
"Can I wear your shirt?"
[ Chuckles ]
And I was wearing his shirt
and I was, like, little in it,
like, "I'm drowning
in your big shirt".
[ Both laugh ]
Amy:
What does that say?
"What do you want to do
for Valentine's Day?"
Ooh. That's from you.
Turns out, we got married.
Oh, yeah,
we did get married.
Everett:
For Amy and Chris.
[ Piano music playing ]
♪ I can only give you love
that lasts forever ♪
♪ And a promise to be near
each time you call ♪
Vinnie: Amy, when people think
of being in love,
they think of being happy
and excited and very up.
Kim: But the thing
that I've noticed,
is this new peace that you have
since being with Chris.
This new, dropped down,
centered peace
consistent and persistent
and present
even when you're not
with him.
[ Crying ] Chris,
she carries you with her.
And it's not just when
she talks about you --
it's always.
It's beautiful.
♪ I have all these arms
to enfold you ♪
Chris: There was
no turning back.
It was just, we knew.
I like being married
to you.
I love it.
Oh, cool.
I'm Chris' dad.
My name's Albert.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I would like to acknowledge
Chris' mother.
She passed away
about 13 years ago,
and I can feel her.
She is so happy.
So, Friday,
I get a phone call --
"Dad, I'm getting married
on Tuesday."
And Chris started
talking about Amy.
I had never heard him
express himself
with such love
and affection for Amy.
♪ That's all ♪
Albert:
It's just amazing.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I just wish you all the best
that life can give.
Good health and happiness...
and children.
[ Urine dripping ]
[ Stream strengthening ]
Hello. It's me.
I got so sick.
Chris and Kim had to take me
to the ER
'cause I couldn't keep
anything down.
Um...
There's no way that
I'll be physically able
to shoot the special tonight,
so we have to push.
But the good news is,
I have an IV in my arm
and a Phenergan
in my ass, so...
[ Footsteps ]
Doctor: We're gonna call our OB
and have them come down
and say hello
and examine you.
-Hi.
-Hello.
-Hello.
-Alright.
-Kim just carried my bag.
-Yeah.
-Would you like Tats?
Yeah, give me
that little girl.
Are you on anything
for, like, hyperemesis
or vomiting
kind of as an outpatient?
I tried Zofran, Reglan,
and [indistinct],
and none of those worked.
Alright, so, it sounds like you
probably do have hyperemesis.
My name is Kimber MacGibbon.
I'm a registered nurse
and I'm the executive director
of the Hyperemesis Education
and Research Foundation.
Hyperemesis is just really
a severe and life-altering
disease of pregnancy.
[ Retching ]
Chris: When was the last time
you threw up?
On the subway today.
In the early 1900s,
hyperemesis was seen as
a toxemia of pregnancy.
When Freud became popular,
anything that was not
explainable by science
became a psychological
disorder.
Still a little sick.
So in the early 1900s,
women with hyperemesis were told
that it was because they had
a conflict with their mother
or they didn't want
to be pregnant...
Sorry.
...or they just wanted
attention.
With food poisoning, you have
something in your stomach,
and once you vomit,
you feel better.
With hyperemesis, there
is nothing in your stomach
a lot of the time,
and so you just vomit
till the point
where you can't breathe,
and it just doesn't stop.
[ Retching ]
The trigger just keeps
going and going,
and you literally feel
like you're suffocating,
and it's extremely traumatic.
I have the vomiting shakes.
I just threw up
in a public restroom.
This was my least favorite
vomiting experience.
MacGibbon:
You think about having that
happen for months on end.
The level of fatigue
is something
that you can't comprehend.
You stand up and you literally
just feel like
you're gonna pass out.
Chris: You look miserable.
I'm sorry.
MacGibbon:
Even in the '50s,
the protocol was to put a mom
in the hospital,
and if she vomited,
to let her sit in her vomit
to discourage her
from attention-seeking.
There's just not a lot
of support for hyperemesis,
funding or information,
outside of our foundation.
All the blood just shot
right here.
The loss rate, overall,
for moms with hyperemesis
is one in three,
so that means
one out of every three babies
doesn't make it to term.
I feel so bad.
[ Sighs ]
Chris:
You're rolling.
Why can't I see anything
with the viewfinder?
Well, see, the red light
goes on...
You're a fucking bitch.
I'm in the hospital.
I've tried the --
You're a fucking bitch.
You're a fucking bitch.
I'm cool.
You're cool.
Everyone's sending me texts
saying that it's worth it.
Everyone keeps going like,
"It's worth it".
What was the experience
like for you today?
Well, whenever
you're that sick,
when you're vomiting
that severely,
it's pretty scary.
-Yeah?
Yeah. It's, like,
really violent vomiting,
and it went on
for about five hours.
-What about you, cunt?
-Bad.
Amy: Well. It looks like
I'm gonna be here awhile.
Hey. So, Amy still has like a
couple hours left for her drip.
So Chris and I are at
All Fired Up.
Chris, want to say hi
to Vin?
Hi, Vin.
We're at All Fired Up
and we're gonna paint
some pottery,
and I think I found
what I'm painting.
It's a mermaid box.
And Chris, what are you
making her?
I'm gonna try
to do a portrait.
[ Laughing ]
Chris is gonna do...
That's great.
Amy:
Where did you guys go?
This is Amy if she were
a mer-person.
I am a mermaid.
Kim: This is Amy
as she is.
You guys painted me?
Very cute.
And this is...
[ Clears throat ]
It's you.
Thank you.
[ Laughter ]
Five hours I've been
throwing up that day,
laying in a hospital bed,
and then he's looking at me
like a little boy,
like, "Do you like it?"
And I'm like...
"I love it."
I get trolled on the Internet
all the time,
but now it's happening
in my own home.
[ Laughter ]
Thank you guys for trusting
that I would be here tonight.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hello. How are you?
Alright.
I feel the best today
that I have felt
in four months.
Kenny:
'Cause I'm here?
-No, Kenny. Definitely not.
-No. On the contrary.
Despite that.
But it's, like, bad
when you feel good
'cause you're, like, waiting
for that wave to hit you again.
So it's, like, a little sad.
I'd never even heard of it.
Like, did you ever
even hear of it?
Amniocentesis?
Hyperem-- emesi--
Hyperemesis.
I'd never even
heard of it.
Have you heard of it, Mia?
Jackson: I have.
You have? Do you know
anybody who had it?
Yeah, one of my really
good friends.
She had it for three
of her pregnancies, yeah.
Like, who has a baby again
after you feel this way?
She said that's why
she got her tubes tied.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm gonna tie my tubes,
Chris' tubes.
You're getting tubes,
you're getting tubes.
Who's the last comedian
that performed here?
Man: Well, Steve Martin
was here last night.
Steve Martin
is my nemesis.
I thought you guys were, like,
very close and, like,
really liked
and respected each other.
That's what nemesis means.
Oh.
I have hyper-nemesis,
where I have a lot of nemesi.
I get to meet Amy Schumer
on my birthday!
Oh, happy birthday, hon!
I know! It's me.
Nice to meet you guys.
Oh, you are so sweet.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
[ Laughter ]
That's the biggest laugh
you've ever gotten.
Kim:
It's a really big laugh.
Five hours I'd been
throwing up that day.
[ Laughter ]
-People were so excited.
-It's still going.
Amy: I think it's probably
part of the special.
[ Laughter ]
Chris: I'd say, like,
in our whole relationship,
we've had, like,
very few poop incidents.
We really have been
pretty lucky,
but I haven't gone
to the bathroom in so long.
Mm.
[ Sighs ]
Did you make applesauce?
Mm-hmm.
I really feel like my stomach
has gone to the next phase.
-Yeah.
-Yeah, like, it's like...
Chris: Physically, or how much
you're eating, or...?
Well, because I haven't
thrown up in a couple days.
Like...
[ Laughs ]
Like, it's
a pregnant belly.
You know?
Yeah.
I kind of want to look
at my set list over breakfast.
It's like one time throwing up,
overalls, painting a room.
Yeah. Yes. Yes.
Oh, my God, that's perfect.
[ Laughs ]
Can we talk about your shoe
and your sock
and your tapered
sweatpants game?
Because
it's actually....
It's Sunday.
No. It's never...
There's never
a day of the week
that this is cool,
that this is okay.
Tampons, erection,
tampics...
"You up?"
I hope your car
flips over and...
[ Chris laughs ]
No, like I hope it rolls
and goes in a lake
and fills it with water
and I'm laughing at you
on the shore.
Standing on the shore.
Laughing at you.
As your car fills.
I thought -- I love...
By the end,
the audience was like...
[ Chuckling weakly ]
Chappaquiddick.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah!
I hope your car
Chappaquiddicks.
Guess what, guys.
Oh, that's okay.
You guessed it.
That's alright.
Everybody...
We're okay.
Guess what, guys.
What?
I think you know what.
Do I look different?
Why would you?
Because somebody
just pooped.
She's obsessed with me.
Can you turn
the camera off?
Guess I'm gonna get ready
for my show.
I feel good now.
Chris: Yeah?
What do you think it is?
Sleep?
Love.
Acupuncture?
Love? Aww.
No. It's, uh...
Think it's this medicine
I've been chugging in my butt.
Oh, it's not love?
No. The love's
always been there.
♪ If you want to fall ♪
♪♪
So, I'm in my second
trimester and, uh...
Some women get pregnant and,
like, shit just hits the fan.
Like, do you ever see, you know,
some women are like, adorable
and then some, you're like,
"Oh, damn!"
[ Laughter ]
I know where I am.
Who's been to one of these weird
early shows with me before?
[ Smattering of applause ]
Wow, do you see
that return business?
The two people --
how long ago was it?
Woman:
This is my fourth.
Oh, my God, really?
Oh, okay.
But you can see
how it's developing, right?
So, I think people approach
how to build an hour of stand-up
differently.
The way I approach it
is one joke at a time.
I really want your honest
opinion about this next part
'cause, I mean, I really haven't
even developed it at all yet.
You're like, "Have you developed
any of this?"
And I'll have a premise
and I'll kind of over-write it.
If it was a notebook,
it would fill up a whole page.
Every movie when a woman is
pregnant, she, like, is at work
and she throws up, she's like,
"Mm," like a little,
and she's like, "Uh-oh,"
and that's how
she finds out she's pregnant.
And then she never
throws up again,
and the next scene, she's, like,
in overalls painting a barn.
And then usually by the time
it winds up in the hour
in a way that's solid,
in my experience,
it's, like, one line sometimes.
But if you're a woman
and you loved being pregnant,
I hope that your car
Chappaquiddicks
right into a fucking lake
and you die slowly.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Rach!
[ Laughs ]
[ Paper rustling ]
Ohh!
Oh, my God!
I can't handle them,
Rach.
[ Laughing ]
Oh, my God, look...
Thanks, babe!
It's always good to check in
with everybody.
Excited 'cause we just
get to see him in there.
So, that's one of his balls?
[ Laughter ]
Woman: The testicles don't
descend till like 27-28 weeks.
Oh.
Something to look forward to.
I've felt flutters before,
but I just really felt
the baby kick.
Go harder if you can.
I want to see those feet move
with the mannequin.
I feel bad that Chris
didn't feel it.
But also, like, fuck Chris,
'cause I'm making a baby.
[ Laughs ]
♪ We're onto your
same old trick ♪
♪ Get up and run away with it ♪
♪ I'm not that hot new chick♪
What did you just say
to me?
I said you're getting bigger
every day.
That's not good.
Great, Chris.
He's dead.
[ Laughter ]
I said I love you.
And I think you're gonna be
a great dad.
[ Laughs ]
Kane: Is he aware
of those tendencies?
He knows he's...he's like...
I mean, that his brain
is different.
Like, I can point out to him
even, like, that painting,
like, that it's funny even that
he wanted to paint something.
Like, people don't paint
a picture there.
They paint pottery.
You know?
Like, I think that's really
interesting that he just --
his brain just sees things
so different.
He's the fucking best.
Hello?
I'm so sorry, I have to...
My suppository just called.
Hello?
So, this is gonna be inside
my butthole really soon.
You took this drug
before.
Yeah.
And it wasn't
as effective.
No, it didn't work.
I threw it up.
And then, now it's in your
butthole, and life is good.
Life is amazing.
You know what?
I'm not even gonna try to
take anything orally anymore.
It's all gonna just go
right up my butt.
Why am I eating this?
♪♪
Woman: Meanwhile,
there's plenty of action
going on inside
that womb cocoon.
Womb cocoon?
The all-important placenta
still acts
as your baby's kidney,
controlling the fluid balance
in his tiny body
and shuttling waste products
out into your system.
But the fetus's urinary system
is now sufficiently developed
to produce
tiny amounts of pee.
And we're talking tiny --
not more than
a teaspoon of fluid.
Still, his teeny
tiny bladder fills
and empties
every 30 minutes,
practicing for
the diaper-filling days ahead.
Oh, my God, I'm gorgeous.
I feel so much better.
I haven't thrown up
in three days.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I'm gonna cry.
Thank you so much.
[ Retches ]
No, just kidding.
Dude...
It's no fucking joke.
[ Sighs ]
Chris: Well, you had a good run.
That sounded pretty violent.
I'd really love
to throw up.
The day started out
so nicely.
I looked for a small pair
of scissors
to trim my pubes
as a surprise.
I have my buzzers.
You're not buzzing
my vagina.
I have buzzers.
I have nose-hair trimmers.
I just need
small scissors.
Actually, at this point,
I need...
Yeah, you need
more than --
...shears.
[ Waxing strips pulling ]
[ Whimpers ]
Anything to make
my husband happy.
[ Laughs ]
Holy shit.
What are you gonna wax?
♪♪
I do not have a show in me
right now.
Has backstage changed
with me?
Just a little.
There's no booze.
I love it.
Do you?
Yeah.
What do you love
about it?
Chris really takes care of me.
Like, the best is that
when you're --
The best
is the earplugs.
The best is when I'm done
at night, is that we get to
lay in bed watch TV together
and sleep next to each other.
But today, like, for me to even
zip my own suitcase...
Like, I felt so sick
all day.
And he just, like,
takes care of everything.
[ Tatiana barks ]
He makes sure that she poops,
makes sure that I poops.
Mm-hmm.
We laugh a lot.
We laugh at what a cunt I am.
Like, you know, I'll just be...
With being pregnant...
I don't think I was like this
before pregnancy.
No.
Like, I'm so difficult
right now.
And he just laughs at me.
Like, I'll, like, be really
critical of something.
You know, 'cause you're just,
like, so hormonal and crazy.
[ Screaming ]
How much bigger
can the hole get?!
It was amazing.
Are you that girl
from the television
who talks about her pussy
all the time?
Yes!
I know what's in my heart,
and it is my pussy.
My pussy is [bleep] magic!
I can't be president
because I got my period!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Make some noise for Mia Johnson!
[ Feedback squeals ]
Jesus Christ!
Oh, my God.
[ Laughs ]
Damn it, Tati.
No Kim inside.
Do you see me getting, like,
more beautiful by the second?
Chris: I thought you were
beautiful before you started.
You always make me feel
like a little flower.
A normal-sized flower.
Fuck you, Chris!
"Little" flower
is not accurate.
So rude.
Tatiana, come here!
Where the fuck
is Tatiana?
So, when I get off stage,
lets get right in the car
and go.
Uh, no. They aren't working.
I'm taking Zofran.
But I'm just vomiting
through all that shit, so...
I'm just still taking it
for nothing. Huh?
Chris: It seemed like they
helped for a little while.
For a little while, they did.
They just stopped.
They just make me tired,
and then I just throw up
while I'm tired.
What the fuck?
Babe, don't look at your phone.
I'll kill you.
That makes me crazy.
You're doing it now!
I need...I do need
a visual reference.
No, you don't.
Yes, I do.
We drove all the way here.
Because Molly was
telling me what to do.
We fight about this
all the time.
It's so annoying.
[ Beeping ]
Chris?
Okay, thank you.
It's fucking crazy, Chris.
No, it's not.
Yes, it is.
Everybody...
No, no one does that
driving on a freeway.
Give me your phone,
I'm gonna freak out.
[ Chuckling ] Stop.
No, you stop.
I'm serious.
It's not cool.
I understand.
But you're still doing it.
That's our most
"married person" argument,
is that, right there.
That was the perfect example
of, like, bad communication.
It makes her so mad,
but I don't understand
what I'm supposed to do.
[ Chuckles ]
Hi, guys. Tati girl!
Are you excited
for your brother to come?
She is gonna love him.
We were gonna go to the butcher
shop to get more brisket.
Oh, good.
Amy: I don't want to be hurtful.
Like, I only want
to only be helpful.
It's fucking hard.
It's hard to be
in a relationship.
But, you know, especially when
you've been alone for so long,
but I really fucking love him.
Like, you know that.
I love him more than I thought
I was capable of loving anybody.
Chris: Yeah.
We're fighting a lot.
Since Amy's been pregnant,
I would say it's happened
more often
because not only has the dynamic
of our life changed, but...
I think the pressure of
being parents magnifies things.
Amy: Chris, you know, I really
want to understand how he feels.
Like, him saying,
"Sometimes you're mean.
You're mean to me".
And I'm like "Oh, my God, okay."
Like, I accept that.
But, like, what is registering
as mean to him?
I grew up in a family that never
fought, and never talked.
But we also never talked
about anything.
So, you know,
there was no arguments
because we weren't
communicating.
You know, I'm a tough cookie.
[ Laughs ] All my friends, like,
all we do is trash each other.
And a way of me
showing affection
is, like, making fun
of somebody.
I think that can
wear on someone.
Chris: Our arguments are
generally never malicious.
They become emotional
because we're not listening,
one of us isn't an understanding
what the other person's saying.
It's an inability
to communicate.
I'll take the whole thing.
Amy: We were watching
that Netflix show "Dogs."
The first episode
is about these kids
who have different degrees
of special needs
getting a service dog.
Really emotional.
And I'm crying, bewildered, you
know, and I look over at him,
and it was like he was watching
Monday Night Football.
Chris: I have a tendency
that is learned,
which is, shut down.
I think that's because
I'm scared of expressing myself.
Amy: Yeah, him processing
and being able to show emotion
is really delayed.
I see...
[ Chuckles ]
I see how frustrating it can be,
or must be, for Amy.
When you have somebody
that's, like,
makes themselves
unavailable emotionally.
Amy: There's something
that I think is a possibility
why he might struggle
with some things.
I was like,
let's take this test.
Let's look into this.
'Cause I know
I need to do better,
but I want help knowing
what I need to do better.
Chris: How do you feel about
getting back to work tomorrow?
Oh, God. Yeah, I'm on
the road tomorrow.
Shit.
I like this little tunnel.
We had sex
in that tunnel once.
No, we didn't.
Oh, shit. That wasn't you.
That was some other bitch.
There's a lot going on.
We're gonna find out
the results of my test today.
Yeah, how do you feel about...
Yeah.
I feel like
she's gonna say...
I'm a little nervous.
I don't know what she could say.
I'm a little nervous, too.
Ah, the East Side
of Manhattan.
Gorgeous!
You think maybe
your behavior's just explained
by you growing up
In a barn?
...in a barn?
My teachers were
chickens.
[ Laughs ]
My classmates were
sparrows.
[ Laughs ]
My worst fear
is she's gonna say,
"You've got
some other weird thing."
Then you'll say, "Well, what the
fuck is wrong with you, then?"
No! I won't.
I love you.
I couldn't pick
a better partner than you,
you fucking odd jackal.
Pregnant.
Mm.
I'm, um...feel emotional.
How do you feel?
Yeah.
Gilbert: The fact that
you're here at your age now
and it didn't come earlier,
says a lot about
your ability to adapt.
Mm-hmm.
♪♪
Chris: I grew up in the woods
with my dad and with my mom.
Everything my dad
has ever taught me how to do,
everything my mom
taught me to believe in,
every bit of love,
every gift --
I was lucky enough to have
the parents that I did.
They gave me so many gifts.
-Are we rolling?
-Yes.
Chris: Oh, cool.
The best chronology
that I've come up with
for my relationship to food
is coming from my dad.
My family goes back
12 generations on the island.
I grew up on a farm.
Chris: This is a man
who spent all of his time
growing food, hunting food,
foraging for food,
fishing for food,
both for his income
and also for his joy.
Are you filming this?
Being my father's son,
we spend all of our time
getting the food together.
So we would go lobstering,
we would go fishing,
he would take us hunting.
So I learned to love
that process.
He has an older brother, Andrew.
I think they're about
a year and a half apart.
Andrew was the cautious one.
He would think things over.
Chris would just jump right in
and ask questions later.
Chris: That's part
of what drives me,
is that I focus on something
and then nothing else matters
but that thing,
like the idea that every dish
is the most important dish
or every meal
is the most important meal
or every task that you have
is the most important one.
And he'll be like, you know,
"You're so aloof,"
or, "It's so hard
to communicate with you."
And we don't understand
each other.
And I have a very
hyperactive brain,
which at times
makes it very hard
for me to concentrate on things,
including conversations
with other people
or sitting still for
a certain period of time.
It was February. It was 2002.
And my mother had just had
a brain tumor removed from her.
I was, first of all,
taking care of her
for 10 to 12 years
from about the age of 17.
My brother and I's life came
in and out of our own dreams
and then always back
to taking care of her.
And that was hard.
Now it's...you know, it's...
just is.
You have a parent that has
cancer and is dying of cancer,
you lose control.
And I have so desperately
wanted to be able to make her
better, and I wasn't able to.
And my best friend,
being a support
and somebody
that loved me, said,
"You're 22 years old.
You're at home.
Your mom is very sick.
And I don't disagree
that she needs care,
but you need to think about
what's gonna happen
in your life."
No, New York was good.
It was good experience for him.
And I remember him coming back
and cooking me meals
and flipping stuff around
in frying pans,
and, whew, what a mess.
But he's a good cook.
I got a job in a restaurant
at a very young age
and I reached as high
as I could
as quickly as I could,
before my mom died.
I took my family's farm and I
took care of my grandparents
and I grew beautiful food.
I opened a restaurant
in Martha's Vineyard,
and according to
the New York Times,
it was the best restaurant
the island's ever had.
But I still feel like my family
doesn't believe in me.
There's something different
about my brain.
I don't know what it is,
but I have never felt like I...
I don't know.
It's hard for me to accept
where I fit
in the general world.
Um, my husband has Asperger's.
Um...
If you don't know what that is,
neither do I.
[ Laughter ]
No, he's on the autism spectrum.
It's super mild.
Where are you?
Right here.
Will you walk us through
this outfit?
It's kind of Army hip.
There's some really, like,
charming parts of it.
He has what's called autism
spectrum disorder level one.
It's certainly
a neurodevelopmental disorder
that starts very, very early.
They're people that struggle
in a social way.
They struggle sometimes
in a way to communicate.
Chris won't always know
what the social rules are.
I wanted to talk about it
to sort of, I don't know,
de-stigmatize it.
And so many kids don't get --
so many comedians
don't get diagnosed
and you grow up thinking
you're bad or wrong.
And your brain
is just different.
You had paid attention
to my behavior
in a way
that nobody had before
and noticed things
because you're very observant
and kind of put together
the pieces.
A couple things happened
where we were like,
"Huh, that's an interesting
way to react."
Gilbert: When I told Chris
the diagnosis,
Amy stood up and said,
"I need a hug."
And he said, "From Dr. Gilbert?"
Chris didn't understand that Amy
really wanted the hug from him.
Amy: [ Laughs ]
This is a good example
of you getting distracted
and, like, starting a new task.
He also isn't, like, that aware
of his facial expressions.
Not knowing how to regulate
eye contact well.
Sometimes Chris has a preference
to kind of look
up and away as he's talking.
Some things he does is he'll do
some repetitive hair twirling
that he does often
as a soothing behavior.
There's no, like, awareness
of social norms or social cues.
And you say
what you really mean.
That's one of his things --
like, he can't lie.
I'll come in like,
"Does this look like shit?"
And he's like, "Yeah, you have
a lot of other clothes.
Why don't you wear those?"
I'm like,
"Okay, that's a good point."
But then also when he, you know,
tells me I look beautiful.
I know he really means it.
Do you ever wish
I was, like, a little thinner?
You're perfect.
Yeah, I am.
The diagnosis is important
because it gives light
to where the struggles are.
I didn't know how
to communicate with him,
and we would kind of hit
a dead end.
But more important than that
is the recommendations.
Well, what are you
going to do next?
These are some behaviors
that are upsetting each of us.
And she just gave us tools
to, like, not get to that point.
Now if we have
a disagreement,
like, we know how to get
to a solution.
Yeah.
I don't think either of us
want him to change,
but it's just, like,
there's some stuff
that could make stuff
easier for him.
It's been very empowering.
And this morning, I woke up
so happy and grateful.
And the more I understand
about it, the more excited I am.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
This is my favorite material
that she's ever run.
I just, like...
I don't know.
Maybe 'cause now feels like
she's as old as I am life-wise,
but it's just, like,
so relatable and...
I don't know,
just, like, really important.
And I'm excited
for people to hear this.
-That was really fun.
-Yeah.
I'm, like,
the more we do it,
the more I'm excited about it
because it's like...
Oh, yeah. Tonight kind of
knocked my confidence out
of doing it at a small club.
-Knocked your confidence?
Out of doing it at a small club
instead of a theater.
Yeah. The beginning's still
shaky, but I love this order.
Praw: So, my only thing with
the Asperger's stuff is,
I think it's the best part
of your set.
Oh, that's nice.
I think it's really sweet,
really personal.
It's very soft and sweet,
coming from you.
Yeah, yeah.
So my only thing is,
like, I wonder
if it should be
earlier in your set.
[ Thunder rumbles ]
Oh, shit.
This is some
dangerous shit.
♪♪
This special is in...
three weeks, right?
Chris: You feel like
the material plays better --
In a theater. Yeah.
More people.
I was, like, doing
that small room so much
that I was like, "This is
where I want to do it."
Now I've been doing
so many theaters.
I think maybe I wasn't
as confident as I thought I was.
But then
once I started going out
and really working
on the set on the road...
I was in the hospital
when he handed me this.
[ Laughter ]
The set has developed in a way
where it's now better
in front of
a couple thousand people
instead of a couple dozen.
I was in the Fat Black
last night.
It didn't feel right anymore.
Had I filmed it a month ago,
that would have been the vibe,
but...and then
I text with Colin Quinn.
I said, "Is the special
gonna work in there, Col,
or should
I just do it in a theater?"
He said, "A big theater."
I said, "Okay."
He said, "That fast?"
I said, "Yep, just changed it."
[ Laughs ]
I trust him so much,
which is sad because...
you know, he's an awful man.
What'd you bring
for the baby, Col?
When the baby's born,
I'll bring something.
What do you want?
Bring something now?
You think I'm letting you in
this house when the baby's born?
Yeah. I told you, that baby,
that kid is gonna bond with me.
Uncle Col.
No. No.
Yep.
Absolutely not.
Gonna teach him
all the ways of the world.
You stay the hell away
from our kid.
♪♪
♪ Just because it is wrong to ♪
I will guarantee you
that Amy's gonna say
we don't have enough turkey.
That sucks.
I don't think we have
enough turkey.
Babe, please don't use this
documentary to plug your book.
[ Laughing ]
You piece of shit.
-Hi, Mama.
-Hello.
-Hi.
-Hi, baby. How are you?
Just like John Travolta.
In "Saturday Night Fever."
Chris: Ready?
Three, two, one.
♪ Boom pacha boom pacha boom ♪
This toast is to Amy and Chris
having all of us here.
I'm not gonna cry.
And next year, we'll have
a seven-month-old baby here.
Cheers.
-Cheers!
♪ Yummy when you kiss me,
I love some ♪
Thank you.
Oh, my God.
He looks like you.
♪ I just recently learn to,
bound I was born to ♪
I think this star is reflective
of this household.
Just a little fucked up.
I think this could help you --
[ Retches ]
Stars --
they're just like us.
This is the picture.
[ Laughter ]
This is the picture.
[ Laughter ]
This is the picture.
[ Laughter ]
Hi, I hope
you're feeling so good.
So, I just sent you an e-mail.
We're gonna be filming
at the Chicago Theater,
the special,
instead of the Fat Black.
We're filming at the Chicago
Theater, December 19th and 20th.
Whew!
-Hey!
-Hello! Hey!
-Hey, guys.
-How you doing?
I'm gonna film a special
in 10 days.
So I want to see if you would
listen to it or something.
10 days?
Yeah, 10 days.
I'm not getting
any smaller.
[ Both laugh ]
Sure.
Yeah.
-Kim.
-Ugh.
You never know
what I'm gonna do next.
No, you're a wild --
I keep everyone
on their toes.
Yeah.
I feel so depleted.
And it's your fault.
I blame myself.
I think if
you're still nauseous,
that means you're
doing something wrong.
Oh, I'm like a bad mom?
Yeah, like, most people
aren't nauseous.
I don't know if it's karma
or choices that you --
Just karma?
Do you remember
you, like --
[ Retches ]
...you were late meeting me
at the airport once?
It's probably that.
It feels like it's that.
I'm ready.
Let's start.
Amy: They got back, and
my sister rushed in the room
before my husband,
and she was like,
"You have to be nice to him
about what he painted.
He worked really hard,
and it's not very flattering."
My husband's brain
is a little different.
And he decided that
he was going to paint me.
[ Laughter ]
Let's take a look at it.
What do you say?
[ Crowd cheers ]
[ Laughter ]
And I was in a position
where I felt bad.
And then later that night,
I was like,
"Babe, do you see how this could
maybe not be flattering?"
He really was like,
"No, I think it's good."
I was just like,
"Is that how you see me?"
Like, this was a real
conversation we had.
Chris: "Mean" is not necessarily
the right word,
but parts of your act
that you talk about us,
I think people would have
a hard time with that.
Other people?
Yes.
I think most people.
But I've asked you
a million times --
I know and I'm saying --
...if there's anything
you want me to take out
or if you want me
to not talk about you at all.
This is
the second time --
I --
...that you're bringing up
my act and -
I'm bringing it up --
Are we celebrating
how strong you are?
Or are you telling me
that you have a problem with me
saying something onstage?
I'm bringing it up
because we spoke about it
multiple times
over the last couple of days.
And I'm re-saying it
out loud
because it's not
a normal circumstance,
the circumstances
that we have.
And what you're saying
is not mean.
Maybe, as you said, it's honest
or it's straightforward
or it's critical
in the best possible way.
That means in some way
you feel like
what I'm saying about you
onstage is mean.
And if you feel that way,
I'm not saying it anymore.
I'm not saying that.
We've also talked about
the separation
between a performance
and your art
and your act
with reality, too, but...
Was that something
you needed to accept?
Me talking about you
onstage?
Our relationship
onstage?
Yeah.
That I needed
to accept?
It's something that I needed
to get used to,
and sometimes there are thoughts
that I've heard
for the first time.
That takes adaptation.
Anybody in those circumstances
has to have a confidence
and a self-awareness
to be able to differentiate.
My stand-up is not more
important to me
than our marriage.
I would not do
this special.
I would...
We would not...
I'm not asking you --
...share any part of ourselves.
You're not asking me,
but you're bringing this up
a couple of days in a row.
And it's, of course,
it's gonna make me think
it's bothering you.
I really want to ask you
to say something
if you have
something to say.
I-I don't know.
Is this upsetting you?
Yeah.
Why?
It's really hard to interpret
what you're trying to say.
All these things that I get are
really hard and draining on you,
and I'm the one
who's really sick,
and it's really draining
on me, too.
[ Tatiana yips ]
I'm trying to express
how I internalize things,
how I feel in relation
to being your husband
and watching you be very sick
and worrying about you.
And when things
aren't perfect with us,
I feel vulnerable.
I go to that place
that I feel...
I do shut down and --
Okay.
But remember
that I'm fucking sick
and that I'm pregnant.
We just need to get
through this together,
and you need to just
not get cold and not get numb.
[ Sighs ]
[ Both laugh ]
I've never seen you cry.
Really?
You cried at our wedding.
Yeah.
One of the things
you said in your vows
was that you were gonna
have to keep up with me.
It's true. I know.
You said
it's no small feat.
[ Chuckles ]
I hadn't really thought about it
before that,
but, God,
you were right.
Want to go for a walk?
Alright.
Let's go for a walk, yeah.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, too.
♪♪
Amy, I promise to always
be honest and listen to you,
even when you say things
that are challenging to hear.
I love you as is.
I want you exactly
how I'm getting you.
You are the kindest,
most generous, selfless,
beautiful person I've ever met.
And you're mine.
And I'm yours.
Amy, you've changed me,
but I've also never felt
more like myself.
I promise to be by your side
and have your back always.
You are the best thing
that ever happened to me.
I love you with every piece
of my heart.
[ Whispering ] Fuck.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪♪
♪ And there's a light
at the end of a dock ♪
♪ Sending green little postcards
to a city I love so much ♪
♪ And the water makes sense
of her laugh ♪
♪ And wrinkles the backs
of my hands ♪
No one has it harder than me
in the whole world.
So easy!
Not today, but I was throwing up
blood a couple days ago.
Look at this.
We got you.
A little fancier than
your Kroger bag.
This is my first
and only time.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Babe, finally,
a condom for you.
[ Laughs ]
[ Spits ]
Can, uh -- Can we have the room
for a minute?
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
[ Bluegrass music playing ]
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Kim:
To Chris and Amy!
[ Cheers and applause ]
You know, Amy may
never win an Oscar.
[ Laughter ]
I've been married
for nine years,
but I don't have any advice
for you guys.
Oh, I can't do this.
Amy: You got it!
Okay.
[ Laughter ]
I just have
a few observations.
[ Voice breaking ]
You have to read this.
This is from me.
Vinnie has to read it
'cause I'll lose my mind.
Yeah.
Vinnie: Amy might never
win an Oscar.
[ Laughter ]
No, I got it! I got that.
Chris: I wanted to ask
your permission
to ask Amy
if she would marry me.
[ Laughing ] Ask her permission,
not my permission.
I wanted your blessing.
I bless you both.
Oh, thank you.
We just wanted to make
a quick toast.
We actually introduced
Amy and Chris.
Yes.
[ Laughter ]
It was a lot
for Vanessa and I,
but we...
Yeah.
we paid for this.
We paid for this.
We should start this out
by saying that Chris
is the only uncircumcised one
amongst the four of us.
[ Laughter ]
Which was a mystery to us
as young boys
because we only knew
the penis to be one way.
[ Laughs ]
And then there was Chris.
♪♪
Lawrence: Dear Amy,
today is your wedding day,
and you're marrying a man
who loves you.
And we are the lucky ones
that have been touched by you,
personally and sexually.
[ Laughter ]
I wish you a lifetime
of happiness.
I wish you strength
when you need it,
patience, which you don't have,
but I wish that upon you...
[ Laughter ]
...understanding,
and, most importantly, laughter.
Amy: [ Laughs ] Chris!
Chris: We met
on Martha's Vineyard,
'cause you were
filming in Boston.
No.
Yeah.
You were filming a...
No?
No.
Okay.
[ Laughs ]
♪♪
Amy: I like you.
You do make me glow.
I married a chef
because I'm a fucking genius.
[ Laughter ]
I mean, seriously.
Do you like to eat food?
That's what he makes.
We met on Martha's Vineyard
because I was there on vacation
with my family.
Mm.
And Molly had just become
my assistant -- Chris' sister.
And she's like,
"Oh, we want a chef
to cook a meal for us
while we're there."
And she was like,
"My brother's a chef,"
and that's when we met.
I just thought
he was so handsome,
and he was, like, this chef
on Martha's Vineyard --
just, like,
such a romance novel.
And I was just like...
"Fuck this guy."
This is the baby's
real father.
Keith Robinson.
This is Italy.
Are there bigger assholes?
That's "The Last Supper."
Mm-hmm.
Look at my body.
Like, you could see my body.
Molly.
That's where Chris' hand is
when he cooks.
Not a lick of flirting.
I cooked a few times.
And then I hung out
one night and then...
The night you hung out,
I was like --
I got interested in you.
Mm.
I got interested in you.
♪ You don't know
how it feels ♪
♪ You don't know
how it feels ♪
♪ To be me ♪
He knew that I liked him
more than a friend
when I asked him
to borrow his shirt.
And I was.
You know, that's a move.
"Can I wear your shirt?"
[ Chuckles ]
And I was wearing his shirt
and I was, like, little in it,
like, "I'm drowning
in your big shirt".
[ Both laugh ]
Amy:
What does that say?
"What do you want to do
for Valentine's Day?"
Ooh. That's from you.
Turns out, we got married.
Oh, yeah,
we did get married.
Everett:
For Amy and Chris.
[ Piano music playing ]
♪ I can only give you love
that lasts forever ♪
♪ And a promise to be near
each time you call ♪
Vinnie: Amy, when people think
of being in love,
they think of being happy
and excited and very up.
Kim: But the thing
that I've noticed,
is this new peace that you have
since being with Chris.
This new, dropped down,
centered peace
consistent and persistent
and present
even when you're not
with him.
[ Crying ] Chris,
she carries you with her.
And it's not just when
she talks about you --
it's always.
It's beautiful.
♪ I have all these arms
to enfold you ♪
Chris: There was
no turning back.
It was just, we knew.
I like being married
to you.
I love it.
Oh, cool.
I'm Chris' dad.
My name's Albert.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I would like to acknowledge
Chris' mother.
She passed away
about 13 years ago,
and I can feel her.
She is so happy.
So, Friday,
I get a phone call --
"Dad, I'm getting married
on Tuesday."
And Chris started
talking about Amy.
I had never heard him
express himself
with such love
and affection for Amy.
♪ That's all ♪
Albert:
It's just amazing.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I just wish you all the best
that life can give.
Good health and happiness...
and children.
[ Urine dripping ]
[ Stream strengthening ]
Hello. It's me.
I got so sick.
Chris and Kim had to take me
to the ER
'cause I couldn't keep
anything down.
Um...
There's no way that
I'll be physically able
to shoot the special tonight,
so we have to push.
But the good news is,
I have an IV in my arm
and a Phenergan
in my ass, so...
[ Footsteps ]
Doctor: We're gonna call our OB
and have them come down
and say hello
and examine you.
-Hi.
-Hello.
-Hello.
-Alright.
-Kim just carried my bag.
-Yeah.
-Would you like Tats?
Yeah, give me
that little girl.
Are you on anything
for, like, hyperemesis
or vomiting
kind of as an outpatient?
I tried Zofran, Reglan,
and [indistinct],
and none of those worked.
Alright, so, it sounds like you
probably do have hyperemesis.
My name is Kimber MacGibbon.
I'm a registered nurse
and I'm the executive director
of the Hyperemesis Education
and Research Foundation.
Hyperemesis is just really
a severe and life-altering
disease of pregnancy.
[ Retching ]
Chris: When was the last time
you threw up?
On the subway today.
In the early 1900s,
hyperemesis was seen as
a toxemia of pregnancy.
When Freud became popular,
anything that was not
explainable by science
became a psychological
disorder.
Still a little sick.
So in the early 1900s,
women with hyperemesis were told
that it was because they had
a conflict with their mother
or they didn't want
to be pregnant...
Sorry.
...or they just wanted
attention.
With food poisoning, you have
something in your stomach,
and once you vomit,
you feel better.
With hyperemesis, there
is nothing in your stomach
a lot of the time,
and so you just vomit
till the point
where you can't breathe,
and it just doesn't stop.
[ Retching ]
The trigger just keeps
going and going,
and you literally feel
like you're suffocating,
and it's extremely traumatic.
I have the vomiting shakes.
I just threw up
in a public restroom.
This was my least favorite
vomiting experience.
MacGibbon:
You think about having that
happen for months on end.
The level of fatigue
is something
that you can't comprehend.
You stand up and you literally
just feel like
you're gonna pass out.
Chris: You look miserable.
I'm sorry.
MacGibbon:
Even in the '50s,
the protocol was to put a mom
in the hospital,
and if she vomited,
to let her sit in her vomit
to discourage her
from attention-seeking.
There's just not a lot
of support for hyperemesis,
funding or information,
outside of our foundation.
All the blood just shot
right here.
The loss rate, overall,
for moms with hyperemesis
is one in three,
so that means
one out of every three babies
doesn't make it to term.
I feel so bad.
[ Sighs ]
Chris:
You're rolling.
Why can't I see anything
with the viewfinder?
Well, see, the red light
goes on...
You're a fucking bitch.
I'm in the hospital.
I've tried the --
You're a fucking bitch.
You're a fucking bitch.
I'm cool.
You're cool.
Everyone's sending me texts
saying that it's worth it.
Everyone keeps going like,
"It's worth it".
What was the experience
like for you today?
Well, whenever
you're that sick,
when you're vomiting
that severely,
it's pretty scary.
-Yeah?
Yeah. It's, like,
really violent vomiting,
and it went on
for about five hours.
-What about you, cunt?
-Bad.
Amy: Well. It looks like
I'm gonna be here awhile.
Hey. So, Amy still has like a
couple hours left for her drip.
So Chris and I are at
All Fired Up.
Chris, want to say hi
to Vin?
Hi, Vin.
We're at All Fired Up
and we're gonna paint
some pottery,
and I think I found
what I'm painting.
It's a mermaid box.
And Chris, what are you
making her?
I'm gonna try
to do a portrait.
[ Laughing ]
Chris is gonna do...
That's great.
Amy:
Where did you guys go?
This is Amy if she were
a mer-person.
I am a mermaid.
Kim: This is Amy
as she is.
You guys painted me?
Very cute.
And this is...
[ Clears throat ]
It's you.
Thank you.
[ Laughter ]
Five hours I've been
throwing up that day,
laying in a hospital bed,
and then he's looking at me
like a little boy,
like, "Do you like it?"
And I'm like...
"I love it."
I get trolled on the Internet
all the time,
but now it's happening
in my own home.
[ Laughter ]
Thank you guys for trusting
that I would be here tonight.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hello. How are you?
Alright.
I feel the best today
that I have felt
in four months.
Kenny:
'Cause I'm here?
-No, Kenny. Definitely not.
-No. On the contrary.
Despite that.
But it's, like, bad
when you feel good
'cause you're, like, waiting
for that wave to hit you again.
So it's, like, a little sad.
I'd never even heard of it.
Like, did you ever
even hear of it?
Amniocentesis?
Hyperem-- emesi--
Hyperemesis.
I'd never even
heard of it.
Have you heard of it, Mia?
Jackson: I have.
You have? Do you know
anybody who had it?
Yeah, one of my really
good friends.
She had it for three
of her pregnancies, yeah.
Like, who has a baby again
after you feel this way?
She said that's why
she got her tubes tied.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm gonna tie my tubes,
Chris' tubes.
You're getting tubes,
you're getting tubes.
Who's the last comedian
that performed here?
Man: Well, Steve Martin
was here last night.
Steve Martin
is my nemesis.
I thought you guys were, like,
very close and, like,
really liked
and respected each other.
That's what nemesis means.
Oh.
I have hyper-nemesis,
where I have a lot of nemesi.
I get to meet Amy Schumer
on my birthday!
Oh, happy birthday, hon!
I know! It's me.
Nice to meet you guys.
Oh, you are so sweet.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
[ Laughter ]
That's the biggest laugh
you've ever gotten.
Kim:
It's a really big laugh.
Five hours I'd been
throwing up that day.
[ Laughter ]
-People were so excited.
-It's still going.
Amy: I think it's probably
part of the special.
[ Laughter ]
Chris: I'd say, like,
in our whole relationship,
we've had, like,
very few poop incidents.
We really have been
pretty lucky,
but I haven't gone
to the bathroom in so long.
Mm.
[ Sighs ]
Did you make applesauce?
Mm-hmm.
I really feel like my stomach
has gone to the next phase.
-Yeah.
-Yeah, like, it's like...
Chris: Physically, or how much
you're eating, or...?
Well, because I haven't
thrown up in a couple days.
Like...
[ Laughs ]
Like, it's
a pregnant belly.
You know?
Yeah.
I kind of want to look
at my set list over breakfast.
It's like one time throwing up,
overalls, painting a room.
Yeah. Yes. Yes.
Oh, my God, that's perfect.
[ Laughs ]
Can we talk about your shoe
and your sock
and your tapered
sweatpants game?
Because
it's actually....
It's Sunday.
No. It's never...
There's never
a day of the week
that this is cool,
that this is okay.
Tampons, erection,
tampics...
"You up?"
I hope your car
flips over and...
[ Chris laughs ]
No, like I hope it rolls
and goes in a lake
and fills it with water
and I'm laughing at you
on the shore.
Standing on the shore.
Laughing at you.
As your car fills.
I thought -- I love...
By the end,
the audience was like...
[ Chuckling weakly ]
Chappaquiddick.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah!
I hope your car
Chappaquiddicks.
Guess what, guys.
Oh, that's okay.
You guessed it.
That's alright.
Everybody...
We're okay.
Guess what, guys.
What?
I think you know what.
Do I look different?
Why would you?
Because somebody
just pooped.
She's obsessed with me.
Can you turn
the camera off?
Guess I'm gonna get ready
for my show.
I feel good now.
Chris: Yeah?
What do you think it is?
Sleep?
Love.
Acupuncture?
Love? Aww.
No. It's, uh...
Think it's this medicine
I've been chugging in my butt.
Oh, it's not love?
No. The love's
always been there.
♪ If you want to fall ♪
♪♪
So, I'm in my second
trimester and, uh...
Some women get pregnant and,
like, shit just hits the fan.
Like, do you ever see, you know,
some women are like, adorable
and then some, you're like,
"Oh, damn!"
[ Laughter ]
I know where I am.
Who's been to one of these weird
early shows with me before?
[ Smattering of applause ]
Wow, do you see
that return business?
The two people --
how long ago was it?
Woman:
This is my fourth.
Oh, my God, really?
Oh, okay.
But you can see
how it's developing, right?
So, I think people approach
how to build an hour of stand-up
differently.
The way I approach it
is one joke at a time.
I really want your honest
opinion about this next part
'cause, I mean, I really haven't
even developed it at all yet.
You're like, "Have you developed
any of this?"
And I'll have a premise
and I'll kind of over-write it.
If it was a notebook,
it would fill up a whole page.
Every movie when a woman is
pregnant, she, like, is at work
and she throws up, she's like,
"Mm," like a little,
and she's like, "Uh-oh,"
and that's how
she finds out she's pregnant.
And then she never
throws up again,
and the next scene, she's, like,
in overalls painting a barn.
And then usually by the time
it winds up in the hour
in a way that's solid,
in my experience,
it's, like, one line sometimes.
But if you're a woman
and you loved being pregnant,
I hope that your car
Chappaquiddicks
right into a fucking lake
and you die slowly.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Rach!
[ Laughs ]
[ Paper rustling ]
Ohh!
Oh, my God!
I can't handle them,
Rach.
[ Laughing ]
Oh, my God, look...
Thanks, babe!
It's always good to check in
with everybody.
Excited 'cause we just
get to see him in there.
So, that's one of his balls?
[ Laughter ]
Woman: The testicles don't
descend till like 27-28 weeks.
Oh.
Something to look forward to.
I've felt flutters before,
but I just really felt
the baby kick.
Go harder if you can.
I want to see those feet move
with the mannequin.
I feel bad that Chris
didn't feel it.
But also, like, fuck Chris,
'cause I'm making a baby.
[ Laughs ]
♪ We're onto your
same old trick ♪
♪ Get up and run away with it ♪
♪ I'm not that hot new chick♪
What did you just say
to me?
I said you're getting bigger
every day.
That's not good.
Great, Chris.
He's dead.
[ Laughter ]
I said I love you.
And I think you're gonna be
a great dad.
[ Laughs ]
Kane: Is he aware
of those tendencies?
He knows he's...he's like...
I mean, that his brain
is different.
Like, I can point out to him
even, like, that painting,
like, that it's funny even that
he wanted to paint something.
Like, people don't paint
a picture there.
They paint pottery.
You know?
Like, I think that's really
interesting that he just --
his brain just sees things
so different.
He's the fucking best.
Hello?
I'm so sorry, I have to...
My suppository just called.
Hello?
So, this is gonna be inside
my butthole really soon.
You took this drug
before.
Yeah.
And it wasn't
as effective.
No, it didn't work.
I threw it up.
And then, now it's in your
butthole, and life is good.
Life is amazing.
You know what?
I'm not even gonna try to
take anything orally anymore.
It's all gonna just go
right up my butt.
Why am I eating this?
♪♪
Woman: Meanwhile,
there's plenty of action
going on inside
that womb cocoon.
Womb cocoon?
The all-important placenta
still acts
as your baby's kidney,
controlling the fluid balance
in his tiny body
and shuttling waste products
out into your system.
But the fetus's urinary system
is now sufficiently developed
to produce
tiny amounts of pee.
And we're talking tiny --
not more than
a teaspoon of fluid.
Still, his teeny
tiny bladder fills
and empties
every 30 minutes,
practicing for
the diaper-filling days ahead.
Oh, my God, I'm gorgeous.
I feel so much better.
I haven't thrown up
in three days.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I'm gonna cry.
Thank you so much.
[ Retches ]
No, just kidding.
Dude...
It's no fucking joke.
[ Sighs ]
Chris: Well, you had a good run.
That sounded pretty violent.
I'd really love
to throw up.
The day started out
so nicely.
I looked for a small pair
of scissors
to trim my pubes
as a surprise.
I have my buzzers.
You're not buzzing
my vagina.
I have buzzers.
I have nose-hair trimmers.
I just need
small scissors.
Actually, at this point,
I need...
Yeah, you need
more than --
...shears.
[ Waxing strips pulling ]
[ Whimpers ]
Anything to make
my husband happy.
[ Laughs ]
Holy shit.
What are you gonna wax?
♪♪
I do not have a show in me
right now.
Has backstage changed
with me?
Just a little.
There's no booze.
I love it.
Do you?
Yeah.
What do you love
about it?
Chris really takes care of me.
Like, the best is that
when you're --
The best
is the earplugs.
The best is when I'm done
at night, is that we get to
lay in bed watch TV together
and sleep next to each other.
But today, like, for me to even
zip my own suitcase...
Like, I felt so sick
all day.
And he just, like,
takes care of everything.
[ Tatiana barks ]
He makes sure that she poops,
makes sure that I poops.
Mm-hmm.
We laugh a lot.
We laugh at what a cunt I am.
Like, you know, I'll just be...
With being pregnant...
I don't think I was like this
before pregnancy.
No.
Like, I'm so difficult
right now.
And he just laughs at me.
Like, I'll, like, be really
critical of something.
You know, 'cause you're just,
like, so hormonal and crazy.
[ Screaming ]
How much bigger
can the hole get?!
It was amazing.
Are you that girl
from the television
who talks about her pussy
all the time?
Yes!
I know what's in my heart,
and it is my pussy.
My pussy is [bleep] magic!
I can't be president
because I got my period!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Make some noise for Mia Johnson!
[ Feedback squeals ]
Jesus Christ!
Oh, my God.
[ Laughs ]
Damn it, Tati.
No Kim inside.
Do you see me getting, like,
more beautiful by the second?
Chris: I thought you were
beautiful before you started.
You always make me feel
like a little flower.
A normal-sized flower.
Fuck you, Chris!
"Little" flower
is not accurate.
So rude.
Tatiana, come here!
Where the fuck
is Tatiana?
So, when I get off stage,
lets get right in the car
and go.
Uh, no. They aren't working.
I'm taking Zofran.
But I'm just vomiting
through all that shit, so...
I'm just still taking it
for nothing. Huh?
Chris: It seemed like they
helped for a little while.
For a little while, they did.
They just stopped.
They just make me tired,
and then I just throw up
while I'm tired.
What the fuck?
Babe, don't look at your phone.
I'll kill you.
That makes me crazy.
You're doing it now!
I need...I do need
a visual reference.
No, you don't.
Yes, I do.
We drove all the way here.
Because Molly was
telling me what to do.
We fight about this
all the time.
It's so annoying.
[ Beeping ]
Chris?
Okay, thank you.
It's fucking crazy, Chris.
No, it's not.
Yes, it is.
Everybody...
No, no one does that
driving on a freeway.
Give me your phone,
I'm gonna freak out.
[ Chuckling ] Stop.
No, you stop.
I'm serious.
It's not cool.
I understand.
But you're still doing it.
That's our most
"married person" argument,
is that, right there.
That was the perfect example
of, like, bad communication.
It makes her so mad,
but I don't understand
what I'm supposed to do.
[ Chuckles ]
Hi, guys. Tati girl!
Are you excited
for your brother to come?
She is gonna love him.
We were gonna go to the butcher
shop to get more brisket.
Oh, good.
Amy: I don't want to be hurtful.
Like, I only want
to only be helpful.
It's fucking hard.
It's hard to be
in a relationship.
But, you know, especially when
you've been alone for so long,
but I really fucking love him.
Like, you know that.
I love him more than I thought
I was capable of loving anybody.
Chris: Yeah.
We're fighting a lot.
Since Amy's been pregnant,
I would say it's happened
more often
because not only has the dynamic
of our life changed, but...
I think the pressure of
being parents magnifies things.
Amy: Chris, you know, I really
want to understand how he feels.
Like, him saying,
"Sometimes you're mean.
You're mean to me".
And I'm like "Oh, my God, okay."
Like, I accept that.
But, like, what is registering
as mean to him?
I grew up in a family that never
fought, and never talked.
But we also never talked
about anything.
So, you know,
there was no arguments
because we weren't
communicating.
You know, I'm a tough cookie.
[ Laughs ] All my friends, like,
all we do is trash each other.
And a way of me
showing affection
is, like, making fun
of somebody.
I think that can
wear on someone.
Chris: Our arguments are
generally never malicious.
They become emotional
because we're not listening,
one of us isn't an understanding
what the other person's saying.
It's an inability
to communicate.
I'll take the whole thing.
Amy: We were watching
that Netflix show "Dogs."
The first episode
is about these kids
who have different degrees
of special needs
getting a service dog.
Really emotional.
And I'm crying, bewildered, you
know, and I look over at him,
and it was like he was watching
Monday Night Football.
Chris: I have a tendency
that is learned,
which is, shut down.
I think that's because
I'm scared of expressing myself.
Amy: Yeah, him processing
and being able to show emotion
is really delayed.
I see...
[ Chuckles ]
I see how frustrating it can be,
or must be, for Amy.
When you have somebody
that's, like,
makes themselves
unavailable emotionally.
Amy: There's something
that I think is a possibility
why he might struggle
with some things.
I was like,
let's take this test.
Let's look into this.
'Cause I know
I need to do better,
but I want help knowing
what I need to do better.
Chris: How do you feel about
getting back to work tomorrow?
Oh, God. Yeah, I'm on
the road tomorrow.
Shit.
I like this little tunnel.
We had sex
in that tunnel once.
No, we didn't.
Oh, shit. That wasn't you.
That was some other bitch.
There's a lot going on.
We're gonna find out
the results of my test today.
Yeah, how do you feel about...
Yeah.
I feel like
she's gonna say...
I'm a little nervous.
I don't know what she could say.
I'm a little nervous, too.
Ah, the East Side
of Manhattan.
Gorgeous!
You think maybe
your behavior's just explained
by you growing up
In a barn?
...in a barn?
My teachers were
chickens.
[ Laughs ]
My classmates were
sparrows.
[ Laughs ]
My worst fear
is she's gonna say,
"You've got
some other weird thing."
Then you'll say, "Well, what the
fuck is wrong with you, then?"
No! I won't.
I love you.
I couldn't pick
a better partner than you,
you fucking odd jackal.
Pregnant.
Mm.
I'm, um...feel emotional.
How do you feel?
Yeah.
Gilbert: The fact that
you're here at your age now
and it didn't come earlier,
says a lot about
your ability to adapt.
Mm-hmm.
♪♪
Chris: I grew up in the woods
with my dad and with my mom.
Everything my dad
has ever taught me how to do,
everything my mom
taught me to believe in,
every bit of love,
every gift --
I was lucky enough to have
the parents that I did.
They gave me so many gifts.
-Are we rolling?
-Yes.
Chris: Oh, cool.
The best chronology
that I've come up with
for my relationship to food
is coming from my dad.
My family goes back
12 generations on the island.
I grew up on a farm.
Chris: This is a man
who spent all of his time
growing food, hunting food,
foraging for food,
fishing for food,
both for his income
and also for his joy.
Are you filming this?
Being my father's son,
we spend all of our time
getting the food together.
So we would go lobstering,
we would go fishing,
he would take us hunting.
So I learned to love
that process.
He has an older brother, Andrew.
I think they're about
a year and a half apart.
Andrew was the cautious one.
He would think things over.
Chris would just jump right in
and ask questions later.
Chris: That's part
of what drives me,
is that I focus on something
and then nothing else matters
but that thing,
like the idea that every dish
is the most important dish
or every meal
is the most important meal
or every task that you have
is the most important one.
And he'll be like, you know,
"You're so aloof,"
or, "It's so hard
to communicate with you."
And we don't understand
each other.
And I have a very
hyperactive brain,
which at times
makes it very hard
for me to concentrate on things,
including conversations
with other people
or sitting still for
a certain period of time.
It was February. It was 2002.
And my mother had just had
a brain tumor removed from her.
I was, first of all,
taking care of her
for 10 to 12 years
from about the age of 17.
My brother and I's life came
in and out of our own dreams
and then always back
to taking care of her.
And that was hard.
Now it's...you know, it's...
just is.
You have a parent that has
cancer and is dying of cancer,
you lose control.
And I have so desperately
wanted to be able to make her
better, and I wasn't able to.
And my best friend,
being a support
and somebody
that loved me, said,
"You're 22 years old.
You're at home.
Your mom is very sick.
And I don't disagree
that she needs care,
but you need to think about
what's gonna happen
in your life."
No, New York was good.
It was good experience for him.
And I remember him coming back
and cooking me meals
and flipping stuff around
in frying pans,
and, whew, what a mess.
But he's a good cook.
I got a job in a restaurant
at a very young age
and I reached as high
as I could
as quickly as I could,
before my mom died.
I took my family's farm and I
took care of my grandparents
and I grew beautiful food.
I opened a restaurant
in Martha's Vineyard,
and according to
the New York Times,
it was the best restaurant
the island's ever had.
But I still feel like my family
doesn't believe in me.
There's something different
about my brain.
I don't know what it is,
but I have never felt like I...
I don't know.
It's hard for me to accept
where I fit
in the general world.
Um, my husband has Asperger's.
Um...
If you don't know what that is,
neither do I.
[ Laughter ]
No, he's on the autism spectrum.
It's super mild.
Where are you?
Right here.
Will you walk us through
this outfit?
It's kind of Army hip.
There's some really, like,
charming parts of it.
He has what's called autism
spectrum disorder level one.
It's certainly
a neurodevelopmental disorder
that starts very, very early.
They're people that struggle
in a social way.
They struggle sometimes
in a way to communicate.
Chris won't always know
what the social rules are.
I wanted to talk about it
to sort of, I don't know,
de-stigmatize it.
And so many kids don't get --
so many comedians
don't get diagnosed
and you grow up thinking
you're bad or wrong.
And your brain
is just different.
You had paid attention
to my behavior
in a way
that nobody had before
and noticed things
because you're very observant
and kind of put together
the pieces.
A couple things happened
where we were like,
"Huh, that's an interesting
way to react."
Gilbert: When I told Chris
the diagnosis,
Amy stood up and said,
"I need a hug."
And he said, "From Dr. Gilbert?"
Chris didn't understand that Amy
really wanted the hug from him.
Amy: [ Laughs ]
This is a good example
of you getting distracted
and, like, starting a new task.
He also isn't, like, that aware
of his facial expressions.
Not knowing how to regulate
eye contact well.
Sometimes Chris has a preference
to kind of look
up and away as he's talking.
Some things he does is he'll do
some repetitive hair twirling
that he does often
as a soothing behavior.
There's no, like, awareness
of social norms or social cues.
And you say
what you really mean.
That's one of his things --
like, he can't lie.
I'll come in like,
"Does this look like shit?"
And he's like, "Yeah, you have
a lot of other clothes.
Why don't you wear those?"
I'm like,
"Okay, that's a good point."
But then also when he, you know,
tells me I look beautiful.
I know he really means it.
Do you ever wish
I was, like, a little thinner?
You're perfect.
Yeah, I am.
The diagnosis is important
because it gives light
to where the struggles are.
I didn't know how
to communicate with him,
and we would kind of hit
a dead end.
But more important than that
is the recommendations.
Well, what are you
going to do next?
These are some behaviors
that are upsetting each of us.
And she just gave us tools
to, like, not get to that point.
Now if we have
a disagreement,
like, we know how to get
to a solution.
Yeah.
I don't think either of us
want him to change,
but it's just, like,
there's some stuff
that could make stuff
easier for him.
It's been very empowering.
And this morning, I woke up
so happy and grateful.
And the more I understand
about it, the more excited I am.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
This is my favorite material
that she's ever run.
I just, like...
I don't know.
Maybe 'cause now feels like
she's as old as I am life-wise,
but it's just, like,
so relatable and...
I don't know,
just, like, really important.
And I'm excited
for people to hear this.
-That was really fun.
-Yeah.
I'm, like,
the more we do it,
the more I'm excited about it
because it's like...
Oh, yeah. Tonight kind of
knocked my confidence out
of doing it at a small club.
-Knocked your confidence?
Out of doing it at a small club
instead of a theater.
Yeah. The beginning's still
shaky, but I love this order.
Praw: So, my only thing with
the Asperger's stuff is,
I think it's the best part
of your set.
Oh, that's nice.
I think it's really sweet,
really personal.
It's very soft and sweet,
coming from you.
Yeah, yeah.
So my only thing is,
like, I wonder
if it should be
earlier in your set.
[ Thunder rumbles ]
Oh, shit.
This is some
dangerous shit.
♪♪
This special is in...
three weeks, right?
Chris: You feel like
the material plays better --
In a theater. Yeah.
More people.
I was, like, doing
that small room so much
that I was like, "This is
where I want to do it."
Now I've been doing
so many theaters.
I think maybe I wasn't
as confident as I thought I was.
But then
once I started going out
and really working
on the set on the road...
I was in the hospital
when he handed me this.
[ Laughter ]
The set has developed in a way
where it's now better
in front of
a couple thousand people
instead of a couple dozen.
I was in the Fat Black
last night.
It didn't feel right anymore.
Had I filmed it a month ago,
that would have been the vibe,
but...and then
I text with Colin Quinn.
I said, "Is the special
gonna work in there, Col,
or should
I just do it in a theater?"
He said, "A big theater."
I said, "Okay."
He said, "That fast?"
I said, "Yep, just changed it."
[ Laughs ]
I trust him so much,
which is sad because...
you know, he's an awful man.
What'd you bring
for the baby, Col?
When the baby's born,
I'll bring something.
What do you want?
Bring something now?
You think I'm letting you in
this house when the baby's born?
Yeah. I told you, that baby,
that kid is gonna bond with me.
Uncle Col.
No. No.
Yep.
Absolutely not.
Gonna teach him
all the ways of the world.
You stay the hell away
from our kid.
♪♪
♪ Just because it is wrong to ♪
I will guarantee you
that Amy's gonna say
we don't have enough turkey.
That sucks.
I don't think we have
enough turkey.
Babe, please don't use this
documentary to plug your book.
[ Laughing ]
You piece of shit.
-Hi, Mama.
-Hello.
-Hi.
-Hi, baby. How are you?
Just like John Travolta.
In "Saturday Night Fever."
Chris: Ready?
Three, two, one.
♪ Boom pacha boom pacha boom ♪
This toast is to Amy and Chris
having all of us here.
I'm not gonna cry.
And next year, we'll have
a seven-month-old baby here.
Cheers.
-Cheers!
♪ Yummy when you kiss me,
I love some ♪
Thank you.
Oh, my God.
He looks like you.
♪ I just recently learn to,
bound I was born to ♪
I think this star is reflective
of this household.
Just a little fucked up.
I think this could help you --
[ Retches ]
Stars --
they're just like us.
This is the picture.
[ Laughter ]
This is the picture.
[ Laughter ]
This is the picture.
[ Laughter ]
Hi, I hope
you're feeling so good.
So, I just sent you an e-mail.
We're gonna be filming
at the Chicago Theater,
the special,
instead of the Fat Black.
We're filming at the Chicago
Theater, December 19th and 20th.
Whew!
-Hey!
-Hello! Hey!
-Hey, guys.
-How you doing?
I'm gonna film a special
in 10 days.
So I want to see if you would
listen to it or something.
10 days?
Yeah, 10 days.
I'm not getting
any smaller.
[ Both laugh ]
Sure.
Yeah.
-Kim.
-Ugh.
You never know
what I'm gonna do next.
No, you're a wild --
I keep everyone
on their toes.
Yeah.
I feel so depleted.
And it's your fault.
I blame myself.
I think if
you're still nauseous,
that means you're
doing something wrong.
Oh, I'm like a bad mom?
Yeah, like, most people
aren't nauseous.
I don't know if it's karma
or choices that you --
Just karma?
Do you remember
you, like --
[ Retches ]
...you were late meeting me
at the airport once?
It's probably that.
It feels like it's that.
I'm ready.
Let's start.
Amy: They got back, and
my sister rushed in the room
before my husband,
and she was like,
"You have to be nice to him
about what he painted.
He worked really hard,
and it's not very flattering."
My husband's brain
is a little different.
And he decided that
he was going to paint me.
[ Laughter ]
Let's take a look at it.
What do you say?
[ Crowd cheers ]
[ Laughter ]
And I was in a position
where I felt bad.
And then later that night,
I was like,
"Babe, do you see how this could
maybe not be flattering?"
He really was like,
"No, I think it's good."
I was just like,
"Is that how you see me?"
Like, this was a real
conversation we had.
Chris: "Mean" is not necessarily
the right word,
but parts of your act
that you talk about us,
I think people would have
a hard time with that.
Other people?
Yes.
I think most people.
But I've asked you
a million times --
I know and I'm saying --
...if there's anything
you want me to take out
or if you want me
to not talk about you at all.
This is
the second time --
I --
...that you're bringing up
my act and -
I'm bringing it up --
Are we celebrating
how strong you are?
Or are you telling me
that you have a problem with me
saying something onstage?
I'm bringing it up
because we spoke about it
multiple times
over the last couple of days.
And I'm re-saying it
out loud
because it's not
a normal circumstance,
the circumstances
that we have.
And what you're saying
is not mean.
Maybe, as you said, it's honest
or it's straightforward
or it's critical
in the best possible way.
That means in some way
you feel like
what I'm saying about you
onstage is mean.
And if you feel that way,
I'm not saying it anymore.
I'm not saying that.
We've also talked about
the separation
between a performance
and your art
and your act
with reality, too, but...
Was that something
you needed to accept?
Me talking about you
onstage?
Our relationship
onstage?
Yeah.
That I needed
to accept?
It's something that I needed
to get used to,
and sometimes there are thoughts
that I've heard
for the first time.
That takes adaptation.
Anybody in those circumstances
has to have a confidence
and a self-awareness
to be able to differentiate.
My stand-up is not more
important to me
than our marriage.
I would not do
this special.
I would...
We would not...
I'm not asking you --
...share any part of ourselves.
You're not asking me,
but you're bringing this up
a couple of days in a row.
And it's, of course,
it's gonna make me think
it's bothering you.
I really want to ask you
to say something
if you have
something to say.
I-I don't know.
Is this upsetting you?
Yeah.
Why?
It's really hard to interpret
what you're trying to say.
All these things that I get are
really hard and draining on you,
and I'm the one
who's really sick,
and it's really draining
on me, too.
[ Tatiana yips ]
I'm trying to express
how I internalize things,
how I feel in relation
to being your husband
and watching you be very sick
and worrying about you.
And when things
aren't perfect with us,
I feel vulnerable.
I go to that place
that I feel...
I do shut down and --
Okay.
But remember
that I'm fucking sick
and that I'm pregnant.
We just need to get
through this together,
and you need to just
not get cold and not get numb.
[ Sighs ]
[ Both laugh ]
I've never seen you cry.
Really?
You cried at our wedding.
Yeah.
One of the things
you said in your vows
was that you were gonna
have to keep up with me.
It's true. I know.
You said
it's no small feat.
[ Chuckles ]
I hadn't really thought about it
before that,
but, God,
you were right.
Want to go for a walk?
Alright.
Let's go for a walk, yeah.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, too.
♪♪
Amy, I promise to always
be honest and listen to you,
even when you say things
that are challenging to hear.
I love you as is.
I want you exactly
how I'm getting you.
You are the kindest,
most generous, selfless,
beautiful person I've ever met.
And you're mine.
And I'm yours.
Amy, you've changed me,
but I've also never felt
more like myself.
I promise to be by your side
and have your back always.
You are the best thing
that ever happened to me.
I love you with every piece
of my heart.
[ Whispering ] Fuck.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪♪
♪ And there's a light
at the end of a dock ♪
♪ Sending green little postcards
to a city I love so much ♪
♪ And the water makes sense
of her laugh ♪
♪ And wrinkles the backs
of my hands ♪
No one has it harder than me
in the whole world.
So easy!