Evil Lives Here (2016–…): Season 7, Episode 8 - I Should Have Killed Him Myself - full transcript

Oh, man.

[ sighs ]

can't even talk right now.

hang on.

I'm sorry.

john: There's only one person
on earth

that knows anything that
happened in my childhood,

and that's my wife.

I've never spoken of it
to anybody.

Everything was a secret.

It was just overwhelming
for someone my age,



so therefore I learned
how to keep these secrets

that just led to years
and years and years

and years of just burying it
and burying it.

People need to know.

There's so many people
out there that have no idea.

So here we are.
I'm going to talk about it.

I'm going to give it to them
and let them know.

July 30, 1983.

That's the date
a monster was born.

This monster was my brother.

His name was kevin duck.

He didn't evolve into this.

He was born this way.

And he'll die this way.



[ the paper chase's "what's so
amazing about grace?" plays ]

[ strings continue
playing sinister tune ]

[ static crackling ]

[ knock at door ]
[ creaking ]

[ banging on door ]

[ creaking ]

[ water dripping ]

[ banging on door ]
[ creaking ]

[ sinister chord strikes ]

john: We were living on
40 acres

in forest hill, louisiana.

We grew our own food.
We hunted for our own food.

We didn't have access to tv.

We were so secluded
that I didn't have the knowledge

of police,
firefighters, ambulances,

and I was confined to this
40 acres, and that was my life.

you have all been
brought here today

because god sees
something in you.

My father was a preacher.

My mom,
she was a big part of it

in recruiting people to come in
and live on our property.

Know that the lord
is our refuge and our strength,

our ever-present help
in times of trouble.

And there was my sister.

She is a year and five days
older than I am.

And my brother, kevin.

He's three years older
than I am.

Me and kevin
were really close.

He gave off the impression
to me growing up

that he was my protector,
and his influence was powerful.

He was good at manipulating you
to his advantage.

He was almost always
up to something bad.

There wasn't any good in him.

I can't recall any good that
he has ever done in his life.

Not one thing.

Man: Let us pray.

But anything that had happened
on that property

stayed on that property.

I didn't know I was
a part of something wrong,

because that was my world.

And then that's where
it all began.

kevin would always get into
some sort of mischief.

So I felt safe with my sister,

and we learned to lean
on each other

because whenever he got bored,
bad things happened.

It was all about his needs,
his desires, and his cravings.

And he would do anything
to get what he wanted,

including
faking his own suicide.

We were home alone one time.
And we were young.

And he had a .410 shotgun
for squirrel hunting.

And I remember my brother
taking his shotgun.

He threatened suicide.

Just leave me alone!

He took his shotgun,
and he went into my bedroom,

which was his bedroom,
and he locked the door.

[ knocking ]

kevin!
What are you doing in there?

[ knocking ]

and he was in there for a
few minutes and it was quiet.

And we were in the hallway,
didn't know what to do.

And then the shotgun fired.

[ gunshot ]

oh, my god.

It rattled us.
It really shook us.

And we didn't know
what to do.

We were frozen.

We didn't know whether
to open the door.

Should we go in there?

I don't know.

And it was quiet.

We sat in that hallway,
and together

we built up the courage
to open the door.

You go in first.

I didn't know what I was
gonna see on the other side.

He was standing there,

shotgun in his hand
and the window open.

He had fired the shotgun
out the window.

And he had a grin
on his face,

and this grin that he had
on his face as a kid

is very similar to the grin
that he has

whenever he takes his mug shots.

It was this smile
of satisfaction.

He got the feeling
that he was after,

the reaction
that he wanted from us,

and he felt good about it.

He felt good about how bad

he had just traumatized us.

It was so fun to him that,
over the years,

he continued
to do it in other ways,

hoping for the same result.

And it became one of his
activities -- faking suicides.

And I used this incident
in court against him

because it was
the most singular way

of showing
what he is capable of

even at the age of 10.

fire was always in our lives.

I used fire as a tool

for warmth and different things
out in the woods,

build a campfire,
'cause fun it's fun.

Kevin was different.

Kevin used fire as a weapon.

I remember squirrel hunting
with him.

You'd post up somewhere,

and the squirrel would come
at your squirrel call.

Well, this one did.

He fired at it...

[ gunshot ]

...And missed.

Damn it.

So it shoots
straight up the tree.

Went around to the backside
and goes into the knot.

And so there's no way
that kevin can shoot this thing.

He just, boom, reacted.

He had a mission.

First thing kevin did,
start rounding up leaves.

He was rushing.

He was moving fast doing this.
He was so excited.

You could tell it was gonna be
such a treat for him.

Strikes a match.

Tosses it on there.

And this tree just, boom,
catches into flames.

[ fire whooshes ]

you can hear the squirrel.
It's like a rabbit.

It has a unique...

Screams.
Screams like a child.

And at that age, I was hearing
an animal die and suffer,

and it was traumatic.

It was very traumatic.

And then you look over at him,

and he's just still.

Taking it in.

Hearing it scream.

Hearing the torment.

Hearing it suffer.

And he loved it.
He loved it.

You don't want the animal
to die humanely.

He needed
something from it dying.

And then after the
screaming stops, it's over.

We pick up our guns
and move on.

John,
are you coming or not?

I don't hunt to this day.

Because of certain things that I
encountered with him, you know?

He's hurt everything that
has ever come across his path,

just to watch them.
Watch the life leave their eyes.

If it was alive,
he wanted to watch it die.

at this point, my parents knew
something was wrong with him.

My dad wanted to do
something about it.

So my parents brought us
to a church,

and it was a smaller church
that we would associate with.

And the church was unusual.

Modern-day exorcisms
were performed in this church.

Let us begin.

They laid hands on him.
The whole church did.

And they started praying
for kevin.

All: Lord, heavenly father,
we ask that you bless this boy.

It was an exorcism.

And it was
an aggressive one too.

That you rid him his demons
and purify his soul.

He started laughing.

[ giggling ]

in a psychotic manner.
It was just...

It wasn't his laugh.
That's why it was scary to me.

He just started laughing
and laughing

and laughing at everybody
and laughing at everybody

as they were praying on him,
and laughing,

and it was so evil,

and I'd never seen anything
like this before.

All: Lord, heavenly father,
we ask that you bless this boy.

John: It was a slap in the face
to everybody.

It was a rejection
as to what they were doing.

They'd pray harder
and pray harder.

But he continued to laugh
in this evil way.

[ giggling ]

john: My dad had to pick him up,
and he carried him to the car,

and we traveled home
that night,

and he laughed
until the next day.

[ giggling ]

after that, I believe

my parents gave up
on fixing him with religion.

It was almost like everyone knew
he was unfixable.

There was something in kevin
that stayed in him

that you could not
remove from him.

It was evil.

-what are you gonna do?! What?!
-Kevin! Kevin!

That was probably the day
that I realized

that he needed to die
or he needed to be locked away.

this picture was taken
on our 40 acres

not long after
we'd moved there.

If I could talk to this
little boy in this picture,

I'd let him know that
there was a lot of bad things

in his future.

I look scared.
I look traumatized.

And he has a smirk
on his face.

I remember this look.
I remember the way he stood.

I remember it all.

my mom would just bring
these people in

to try to give them salvation,

and then they would flourish
and grow on our property

and start a new life
with christ.

This girl,
she was from louisiana.

Poor.

No future.

Vulnerable.
Can't defend herself.

And just a few months,
she got pregnant by him.

Sex was such a crime.

It was such a crime
in our family

that if my parents had found out
that she was pregnant,

our world would come to an end.

Wait here.

he wasn't gonna
let her have a kid.

So he comes to us and says,

"we have to do something
about this."

listen up.

"and you're gonna help."

I need your help.

And then he told me and my
sister what we were gonna do.

We've got to get rid
of the baby.

John: He said that the only way
out of this

is to compromise the pregnancy
by hitting her in the stomach

and that we were
gonna participate.

And don't stop
until she loses the baby.

It really -- it scared me.

There's got to be
another way.

There isn't.

He never took anybody's...

Life into consideration.

but what was I gonna do?

I couldn't stop anything
at this point.

I was fully under his control.
I was still young.

My sister was still fully
under his control.

And so he didn't put a gun
to our head,

but his words were still
just as powerful as a gun.

so me, my sister,
hit her in the stomach.

but it didn't stop
the pregnancy.

She ended up having the child.

And he was a -- he was
a healthy baby, thank god.

And one day she was gone.

Never seen her again.

I'm glad she didn't
lose the baby.

I don't know how I would've
handled that growing up.

discipline couldn't change
who he was.

He got worse and worse
and worse and worse,

and there was just
no way of stopping him.

One afternoon, kevin had pulled
up on his little motorcycle.

Kevin, where the hell
have you been?

Kevin: Relax, dad.
Everything's fine.

Have you been drinking?

I guess he smelled alcohol
on kevin.

And so my dad opened up
his saddle bag

and he found
a big old bottle of whiskey.

What are you doing
with this?

Don't you realize
how dangerous this is?

He was obviously mad,
really mad.

And he breaks the whiskey
on the ground.

And this is where
it got physical.

What are you gonna do?!
What are you gonna do?!

My brother
had pushed my dad,

and they started fighting.

Man.
I didn't see it coming.

I really didn't.

They're screaming and hollering
and fighting

and wrapping legs
around each other.

You've never done nothing!

He wasn't gonna stop.

But he didn't win
that battle.

my dad put kevin
in a rear naked choke

and put him to sleep,

made him pass out right there.
Blacked out on the floor.

That was first time
I had ever seen kevin

physically attack
another human being.

And he got a thrill from it.

And from that point, he evolved
into what he is now.

It's like the childhood part
was phase one.

And then he became
a whole new character

that we didn't know
how to deal with

because now he's just
rage and anger.

Kevin.

When he woke up,

he just got up
and then walked away.

Just leave me alone.

It was never
spoken of again.

It was a marker
that this was not gonna end.

This was only gonna get worse,

and he was going to be
his own commander,

and nobody was gonna stop him.

So it was
a whole new realm of fear.

What the heck
is gonna happen now?

he got into
several bar fights,

several very bad
bar fights.

There's certain little things
in life

that gave him a thrill,

that made him
want to do something bad,

and it got worse,
and it became a craving.

It became a lifestyle
to hurt people.

And if you do go near him,
he's gonna do something nasty.

I don't see someone
that can change their ways.

I don't see someone
that can be fixed.

I see a thing.

There wasn't any good in him.

Just it's not there.

It's not there.

You can stand over him
and just stare at him,

just look at the monster.

You can just watch
his heart beat.

You just, "man, that thing needs
to just stop beating."

I realized
that he needed to die

or he needed
to be locked away.

[ engine starts ]

I knew that this story
had to end.

So I went and got a shotgun.

only way I could pay for college
was join the military.

I really enjoyed boot camp.

The guys that I was gonna be
serving with,

they were brothers to me.

I started to build
relationships with other people

for the first time in my life.

It was a whole new family
to me,

and it was exciting,

meant a lot to me.

Kevin tried to take this
away from me.

a couple of years
after I had joined the military,

kevin had gotten into some
trouble down south in louisiana,

and he got arrested,
and he impersonated me.

The police had called me.

He had convinced them
that he was john duck,

he was in the military, and that
I was the company commander.

Hello, this is private duck.
I'm returning a call.

He had already gotten ahold
of my debit-card numbers

and my social security number
and all this stuff,

and he truly thought
that it would work.

I'm sorry, I don't understand.
Who do you have in custody?

He was convinced, 'cause
he was right there. I heard him.

He was right there
while the police

were on the phone with me.

He was like, "tell him.
Just tell him.

Just tell him.
I'm in the army.

Just tell him
I'm in the army."

I felt violated.

No, sir.
No, I'm john duck.

That there would be my brother,
kevin duck.

I told the police
that I was john duck

and that kevin
was kevin duck

and that I just wasn't
gonna help him.

I'm not gonna sit here
and play this out.

I'm not gonna lie for you.

You can tell him I'm done
helping him get out of trouble.

And I got off the phone
with the police.

And they put him in jail.

It was a mark of a new era
because it was the first time

I told him
I wasn't gonna help him.

But if you're in kevin's life,
you're his property.

He has a sense
of ownership over you.

He expects you
to run and help him.

And I didn't that day,
and it upset everything.

the day that
he beat up my sister,

I'd just gotten home after
a long tour in iraq,

and kevin
was having some issues

with his girlfriend
at this time.

His girlfriend was friends
with my sister.

Well, my sister stepped in
and interfered and told her

that if she didn't get out,
she was gonna get hurt bad.

And kevin didn't
take it so well.

Hey!

He didn't take it well
at all.

He grabbed her
by the hair of her head.

Jerked her,
threw her on the ground.

It's between me
and my girlfriend.

This has
nothing to do with you!

And he grabbed about
a three-foot-long jack handle.

He went to swing
and hit in the head.

I was very close
to my sister.

I felt like it was it was my job
to protect my sister.

I was her safety net
and she was mine.

I ran into him, and we
collided up against the wall.

I said, "I just came home
from a war.

I don't want to
start another one."

get off me.

And then he ended up
turning and walking away.

He was more violent that day

than I'd ever seen him
toward us before.

And I got my sister up,
took her to the e.R.

We ended up pressing charges
on him,

and then later on
we dropped the charges

because my mom was begging us
not to put him in jail.

After that occurred,
I knew that there was gonna be

some sort of fatal ending
to this story.

He was bloodthirsty
and willing to hurt someone.

And I was done with it.
I was done with it.

I was so done with it.

I went to a gun store,
and I bought a shotgun.

At this point, I felt like
I needed to stop it permanent.

If he got to the point

that he was willing
to kill his family,

that idea flipped a switch
in my head

that this story had to end.

I was gonna do it myself.

I was gonna end it
for the sake

of whoever else
was in the future.

[ engine starts ]

I was on my way home,
and then I got hungry.

[ laughs ]

I got hungry, and so I whipped
into a restaurant

and ordered me some food.

The waitress that came
and brought me my food...

Thank you.
Yeah.

...She had a smile on her face
with her little blond hair.

You look like you're having
a bad day.

Um, I've been better.

Well, I'm sure it's nothing
a beer and burger can't fix.

And I saw light
at the end of the tunnel.

So I went down that tunnel,

and here we are 10 years later,
happily married, with two kids.

There is a good chance

that I would probably be behind
bars if it wasn't for her.

I ended up
going to see my sister

instead of going
to shoot my brother.

But I was that close.

That close
from doing it my way.

I ain't gonna lie, man --

talking about this [bleep]
is getting my heart racing,

I'm getting mad.

And I don't come off
that easy.

[ grunts ]

golly.

All right, I'm gonna step out
and smoke my vape for a minute

if that's all right.

oh, my god.

I didn't really know
how to react to it.

This is creepy stuff.

What do I do now?

after I'd met my wife,
ashton,

I didn't bring her
around my family.

I didn't talk about my family
to her.

She didn't really know
my childhood secrets.

I was protecting her
from my world,

and it worked.

For a while.

nobody was home
on this particular night,

and I decided I was gonna
bring her to my home

and we were gonna, you know,
hang out

and she could at least see
my environment.

I'm so happy you came.

Thanks for inviting me.

We were there
for a few hours.

Things started to get a
little hot and heavy between us.

We were in the bedroom,
and the door was open.

I thought we were alone.

Turns out we wasn't.

oh, my god!

What the hell
are you doing?

Ashton kind of panicked.

I turned around,
and I looked.

And my brother was just
leaning on the doorjamb,

just setting there
with his arms crossed, smiling.

And watching so quietly.

Kevin,
what are you doing here?

I asked him, "what are you doing
in here? Get out of here."

who is that?

That is my brother,
kevin.

Don't mind me.
You guys are doing just fine.

John: He continued to lean
on the doorjamb

with that smirk on his face,
with no motion,

no reaction to our reaction.

Emotionless.

He was drawing in pleasure
at that moment.

Why are you still here, man?
Just go already.

And eventually he walked away.

What the hell
was that all about?

She was really upset
about it.

She wanted to know why
he would do something like that.

And I didn't really have
an explanation for her

because he was just my brother.

He was just kevin
at this point.

Always just been
a little off.

"a little off"?

He's a total creep.

We quickly got dressed,
and I was just,

"let's get out of here.
Let's go."

I shouldn't have
brought you here.

All right?
Come on.

I didn't really know
how to react to it.

This is creepy stuff.
He just stalked us.

What do I do now?

The woman that
I'm falling in love with,

I can't bring her
around my world

because it's not safe
for her.

he brought home a girl
one time.

They got married and started
having kids together.

It went downhill so fast.

It turned evil quick.

My parents moved
a brand-new single-wide trailer

up on top of the property
for kevin to live in.

You'd hear screaming.

You're screaming in that trailer
up on the property, man.

[ knock on door ]

kevin's wife would come down
from the trailer...

Hey, guys.

...Hang out for a little bit
and say hi.

I was gonna head
to the store.

I wanted to see
if you guys needed anything.

John: We started to notice that
she would have bruises on her.

You could see bruises
on her legs

and you can sometimes
see bruises on her neck.

And there wasn't nothing
I can do about it.

When my sister reached out

and tried to help her friend
get away,

it backfired.

It put her in hospital.

Is there anything
we can do?

Look, I know you guys
are just trying to help,

but, um, I don't really want to
talk about that.

I just wanted to see
if you needed anything.

If I were to intervene,
more people would get hurt.

It was less damage
not to interfere.

Uh, no.

No, I think --
I think we're good.

Okay.
Um, I'll be back in a bit.

She put up with it
for a long time.

She did.

Until one day she had enough.

She left, got the kids,
and never came back.

And I don't blame her.

He was still growing

into something more dangerous
every day.

kevin was working as a
mechanic in hot springs village

whenever he had met
dawna natzke.

I don't know if she's with him
at this point

or if this is her before him.

I never got to meet her.

But she's that kind of person.

You can look
in the picture of her,

and you feel like you've
known her for your whole life.

She has that face.

I was aware that she had kids,

and I knew
she was a police dispatcher,

so therefore I had hopes that
it was gonna work out well,

maybe the influence
of the good, quality people

that she's associated with
will rub off on him,

and maybe he'll start to try
to act like a normal human.

But...

I knew better.
I knew better.

That wasn't gonna happen.

This is gonna end
in tragedy.

my wife was pregnant
with our first son,

and things were going good.

We were at a little christmas
get-together with family.

And all having a good time,
opening some presents and stuff.

And ashton got a phone call...

[ knocking on door ]

...And she signaled me
to come outside.

Would you excuse me
for a second?

Sure.
Thank you.

She had told me
that it was dawna's family,

and they were worried
because she was missing

and she was last seen
with kevin.

Okay.

I'll let you know
if I hear anything.

Bye.

I had
that same familiar feeling

that I had
several situations as a kid

where you instantaneously
get overwhelmed with adrenaline

to the point to where
your whole body goes numb,

and then it takes a few minutes
for it to come back

and your adrenaline
to slowly leave.

They said the last time
they saw her,

she was with kevin.

But even through
all my adrenaline

and my inability to think
because of the adrenaline,

I knew one thing --

that if she was missing
and she was with kevin,

he was at fault.

I knew this day
was going to happen.

I felt it coming
my whole life.

It was a matter of time.

And so there wasn't any doubt
in my mind.

Do you think she ran off?

Because she was trying
to get away from him?

No.

[ sighs ]

I just looked at her
and I let her know

that they need to start
looking for a body.

john: "missing from
hot springs village, arkansas.

Dawna natzke, 46,

was last seen on
Wednesday, December 21, 2011,

at 10:30 p.M. To 11:00 p.M.
Leaving a christmas party

in hot springs village
with her boyfriend.

Dawna is described
as 5'6" tall

with brown hair and blonde
highlights and brown eyes.

Donna has been a dispatcher

for the hot springs village
police department

for six years."

I knew one day I'd be staring
at a picture of a victim.

Always knew it.

[ sighs ]
and this is her.

Learning about her...

...I know she was
a loving mother.

I see joy.

That's a true smile.
There's nothing fake about that.

That's happiness in her eyes.

She was surrounded by people
that tried to love her

as much as she loved them.

I see a person that puts
everybody's needs before hers.

And my brother took advantage
of that

and destroyed everything.

And her existence was ripped
from the face of the earth

by a predator.

man: Duck was late to work the
day after natzke went missing,

and his employer said
duck seemed disinterested

in the search effort for her.

Woman: The dispatcher
has been missing

for more than a week.

Now her niece is selling
bracelets to honor,

remember, and help
dawna's children.

"find peace for dawna."

and justice.

I believe
this bracelet resembles...

Goodness.

Hope.

This was an entire town coming
together to resolve something.

I believe there was
over 300 people

that had showed up at the school
to participate in the search.

Everybody provided
every resource that they could.

But kevin was not
a part of the search.

When I found out
he didn't show up,

I took it is complete
and hundred-percent confirmation

that he was guilty.

woman: Down a peaceful dirt road
on a warm December day,

a search for a missing mother
brings a cold discovery --

a body.

When kevin was
finally arrested

and we had gotten word
about it,

god, it was awful.

It was so awful.

Man:
Natzke's autopsy showed

she died from blunt force trauma
and drowning.

Garland county authorities

believe her boyfriend
at the time, kevin duck,

is the one who did it.

That was another indicator
that it was kevin,

because there were
very few people

that knew about that pond.

It was secluded
in the woods.

And I went fishing there
with him once.

Man:
It was cellphone records

that linked duck
to the area around

where natzke's car
was found burning

three days
after she went missing

that linked him to her death.

You'd think I'd have been
more prepared for it.

Because I'd been preparing
for it my whole life,

but I didn't know what to do.

We needed to come
to justice on this.

We needed
to put him away in a pen.

And it was like everything

that he had ever done
and ever created,

in that one moment in life,

he was finally gonna be
put in a cage and locked away.

And I needed that.
I needed that.

I needed him
to not exist anymore.

Woman: Appearing before his own
family members

and family of his girlfriend,
dawna natzke,

kevin duck entered
a not-guilty plea

at his first appearance
before a garland county judge.

For all the moments
that I was in the courtroom,

he never looked up.

But whenever I got up
on that stand...

...He looked up at me,
and we made eye contact.

And then right after
that eye contact,

I said what I needed to say.

And then I walked
out of that courtroom.

I was given the opportunity
to go into the back and sit down

and see him one more time
before they took him away.

I quickly said no.

My dad and my sister did.
My mom did.

I walked out the door
with my wife beside my side,

and that was the mark
of new beginning right there.

Afterwards, he told my dad

to tell me that he forgives me
for doing what I did.

That'll be the last words
he ever says to me.

I can't do it.
I can't do it.

That's the smirk.

That's the smirk
that dates back

to the beginning
of his existence.

Every time
he got satisfaction.

That smile haunts me

because that smile is only
really related to badness,

not happiness.

It's disgusting.

That's a monster
in the form of a human.

I wonder what the world
would have been like

without his existence.

Knowing now what I do know,

if we're able to go back in time
the day I bought that shotgun...

...I would have done it.

to this day,
I think about him every day.

I still love him.

There's still
a sense of brotherhood.

That's why I refer to him
as my brother.

I know what he is,
and I love him as he is.

But he can't exist
in my world.

Eventually one day,

he's gonna be a small part
in the back of my mind.

He's not gonna be
the majority of my mind.

One day at a time.

One day I'm gonna get there,

and I'm not gonna have to think
about him as much,

and I'm gonna
leave this behind.

I'm gonna leave it behind,
and I'm gonna --

I'm gonna not forget about it
because it'll never go away.

It'll never go away, but...

This is no longer part of me.