Everything's Gonna Be Okay (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 8 - Maggots - full transcript
(gasps)
No.
(fast-paced piano playing)
Hello.
Hello.
Okay, I'm worried you aren't
in love with me anymore
and I am afraid
to bring it up
because maybe you'll
admit that you aren't
or you'll think
I'm being paranoid
which then might make
my concern
a self-fulfilling
prophecy.
You're being paranoid.
Your eyes look at me
dead sometimes.
That is so unfair.
My eyes sparkle!
Don't you think, like,
now might be a good time
to tell me you love me though?
Now?
Do I need to?
No one needs to,
I just thought
you might want to.
Like, I'd inspire
a compulsion in you to say it.
I thought it was obvious
'cause I'm, like, here.
No, lots of people in the world
are laying in bed right now
with someone
they don't love.
(sighs)
(dramatic piano music playing)
This music is making me
seem more insane than I am.
Matilda,
use the keyboard!
Sorry!
?
Tellulah: I've been
meaning to tell you something.
What?
I've been
texting Leonard.
Is that bad?
Oh, no, it's bad.
Are you still
in love with him?
I'm absolutely
not in love with him.
Do you want me to stop?
I can stop.
I am not in love with him!
I hate him,
he's a villain.
Ah, but love and hate
are two sides of the same coin.
I just, I don't want
my friend dating a bully.
A bully? What, are we
eight years old?
I just think we should be
trying to date nice boys.
You are so obsessed with him
it's not even funny, bitch.
Should we see
if he'll send us a nude?
Is... Is that an option?
Boom! You wanna
see his junk so bad!
Oh, my God!
Of course I do.
Okay.
What...
What are you saying?
Leonard, I want to see
your throbbing member so bad.
Love, Genevieve.
-What?
-I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
It's from me.
(cell phone chimes)
He wants a pic
of my vag first.
He asked for that?
He's no fool.
Why do you have to go first?
Feminists go first.
Do I send it?
Are you crazy?
I don't know what to say.
-Do I take a photo?
-I'm not taking it.
-I don't know what to do.
-Don't.
Let's send someone else's.
There's so many variations,
just pick one.
Yeah, but, like,
which one?
A good vagina,
I don't know.
A good va...
What's the criteria?
That one looks like
Judge Judy.
-No it doesn't.
-Okay, okay.
Um, this one has
a nice sense of symmetry
and I believe it for you.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, that's...
that one's the best one.
That's-that's
a good one.
Oh, my God.
Okay, I'm-I'm sending it to you.
(computer beeps)
-(cell phone chimes)
-Got it.
Sent it.
(cell phone chimes)
Here you go.
(softly):
Oh, my God.
That's his actual...
I can tell by his hand.
Hey, boyfriend.
(unenthusiastically):
Hey.
What?
(sighs)
I'm feeling down
after last night.
Still?
Well, you didn't really do much
to make me feel better.
Shh.
Hey, hey, hey.
Shush now.
Hey, hey.
(chuckles) Ow.
(kisses)
Are you gonna
be like this all day?
I was hoping maybe we could
go to the beach.
You hate the beach.
Yeah, when I say
the beach,
I mean, like,
somewhere where
I'm not in trouble.
You aren't in trouble.
-I'm not in trouble?
-You're not in trouble.
Why would I be?
Why would anybody
ever wanna put me in trouble?
I feel like you're not
taking me seriously.
I'm not taking you seriously!
Well, please do!
(grunts)
I'm in trouble. I'm in
palpable, palpable trouble.
You're not in trouble.
I'm not mad at you, okay?
I'm just feeling hurt.
You want me to go
onto the naughty corner?
Is that what you want?
Yeah, I'm gonna go.
I'm gonna be
in the naughty corner.
Turn around then.
(indistinct chatter)
Girls send pictures
all the time.
Uptown and downtown.
It's disgusting.
(whispering):
Tellulah and I sent that
exact vagina last night.
That's your vagina?
We got it off the Internet.
Leonard sent us his
and then we swapped photos.
You broke the law.
It's child pornography.
We don't know how old
that vagina is.
Leonard, though.
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
You could get jail time.
I mean, or at best,
fine/community service.
Mm-hmm. Yeah,
I'm deleting it right now.
Um, but before you do,
can I... see it?
It's so good.
Ha.
I would have
stopped you if I had been
invited to
the sleepover.
You're gonna have to
tell Tellulah what he's done.
She thinks
I'm in love with him.
She'll think
I'm up to something.
Barb: I'm just not ready
to show the whole school
my vagina.
Not yet.
What? No, you don't
have to do that.
We'll see.
All right, let's do this.
Let's get... Let's get serious.
How you doing?
How you doing, buddy?
What's wrong, buddy?
Okay, last night
I wanted you to tell me
that you love me,
and you didn't.
And I don't understand why
you didn't wanna
make me to feel better?
All right.
Well, it's just...
Wait, do you
want the truth
or do you want me to say
cute distracting things
so we can move on?
No, you always do that.
I want you
to tell me the truth.
Okay, I'll tell you
the truth.
(cell phone ringing)
Ah!
Who could that be?
Hello?
Hello, it's Matilda's
teacher, Sam.
Hi! Hello.
Sam (over phone):
I heard about Juilliard
and want to bask
in the glory with you.
Yeah, it's great.
It's great.
She's gonna put me
in trouble as well.
Everybody just wants
to put me in trouble.
...any questions
I can answer for you?
Questions? Was I meant
to have questions?
No, I don't have
any questions.
Have you decided to,
in fact, enroll?
Nicholas (over phone):
Yes, of course.
Okay, so, um,
do we need to make a plan,
or do you already have one?
Nicholas:
Yeah, I have a plan.
I have heaps of plans.
I have so many plans.
I just wanna make sure
we aren't underestimating
what we're up against here.
Me, too.
Okay, I gotta go now
I'm afraid.
Nicholas: Okay, thanks.
Thanks, Sam.
-Wait, are you still here?
-Sam: Yeah.
I never hang up first,
as a therapeutic tool.
Nicholas: Oh. Oh, okay.
Well, I'm going to hang up.
-Sam: You're held
until you do.
-Okay.
(cell phone beeps)
-All right, you, you.
-Me?
-Yes.
-Mm-hmm.
So, I was all cozy,
and then you came in
with all this hassle,
and it was annoying,
and I find it hard to say
I love you
when I don't mean it.
Okay, wow.
I guess I didn't want
the truth at all then.
What, sometimes I don't feel it
so then I don't say it.
There are times
when you don't love me?
Yeah, that's normal,
isn't it?
I don't think so.
No, I think that's...
I think that's normal.
I do. I just think
other people are better
at lying about it
than me.
Well, aren't there times
when you don't love me?
No.
Well, I think
that's odd.
?
Are you guys going
to the show's after party?
-Drea (over radio): No.
-No.
They never invite
the tech crew.
Without us they'd be performing
in the dark with no sound.
(chuckles)
You guys wanna
come over to my house?
-Yeah.
-Jeremy (over radio): Yeah.
Jeremy, I think Drea
has a crush on me.
Jeremy: Drea isn't queer.
Is she? Are you?
I don't wanna answer.
(Matilda giggles)
You guys know
I'm sex-positive, right?
Yeah.
I've been thinking
about college
and how basically
we're never gonna
see each other again.
I-I didn't apply
for college.
My parents
don't think I'm ready.
You wanna
fool around together?
Whoa. Random.
In the controlled environment
of my bedroom.
Sounds like
a lot of... touching.
Yeah, touching.
Nudity, if you want.
Jeremy: Uh, I don't know.
Do I ask my mom?
She-she'll wanna
know everything.
So we go to your bedroom
and then what?
How does it start?
I'll tell you when it starts.
I wanted to ask that, too.
Uh, I don't even know
how it starts.
I'll just say, "I'm starting."
-I'm in.
-I'm in.
I just want my boyfriend
to love me all the time.
I do!
But you think
I'm annoying.
Sometimes.
I can't control what I think.
-(scoffs)
-Ugh!
I wish I just lied to you,
and we lived a lie
where you're never annoying.
I manage to love you
all the time.
Do you? 'Cause it
doesn't feel like it
when I look at you
looking at me like that.
It feels like actually
you're highly critical of me.
Do you even love me?
I love you.
I just wish you weren't
an open sink hole of need.
(cell phone ringing)
(chuckles)
One moment. Sorry.
-Oh, hey, honey.
-Genevieve (over phone): Hi.
Um, so, this-- this
thing happened.
Oh, no, not another thing.
I'm in a thing with Alex
at the moment.
He's glaring at me.
This big, big glaring.
I don't have anyone else to ask.
Not that you would want
anyone else, though,
because you've got me.
Leonard asked Tellulah
for a vagina pic.
Whoa, we're here already?
Looks like it.
I've never even
sent a nude pic.
-Never?
-No, it doesn't
photograph well.
I turn up with it, though,
and then I show it.
Genevieve: Focus!
We sent a fake one.
Cunning.
And Leonard passed it around
the whole school.
Not a shocking twist.
Genevieve: Do I tell her
what he's done?
She'll think
I'm happy about it.
Why will she think
you're happy about it?
I used to like him.
Who the hell is this Casanova?
Hello?
I don't know what to do.
I don't know, you've got
more information than I do.
I think I should tell her
what he's done.
That's sounds very sound.
Do that.
-Thanks.
-Nicholas: Bye.
Kids these days.
Huh?
All right, okay,
where were we?
Uh, "open sinkhole of need."
Probably a bit much.
Of course.
I'm an open sinkhole of need.
You did this to me.
-I used to be fun!
-Oh, come on.
When I did just
one little thing in Mexico
that you didn't like,
you packed your bags.
You threw
raw fish on me.
And it annoyed you
and you wanted to leave me.
It's normal.
I'm really sorry
if I hurt you.
No, I really wasn't, um...
I really wasn't
bothered by it,
I just wanted
some ammunition.
I wish I could figure out
how to stop loving you
so I could
just be free.
-(cell phone ringing)
-Sorry. One moment.
-No, please take it.
-Yeah?
Oh.
Hello. Hey, babe.
Remember we decided
I could have sex
if I asked you first?
I feel a little
taken out of context.
You said I could be
sex-positive.
That is a different thing,
but go on.
Can Jeremy and Drea
come over for a threesome?
Um...
Here?
Like, over here?
They're waiting.
Nicholas:
Drea I saw coming,
but Jeremy?
They're both autistic.
Nicholas:
Okay. Well, that...
that doesn't
matter to me.
But...
(sighs)
Yeah, I can't think
of a reason why not.
Well, think harder.
Great. Will you
tidy up my room?
What, now I have
to do cleaning?
Everyone's having fun,
and I'm just stuck here
with you.
What? I was just joking.
Stop it. I'm... funny.
Why won't you
just think that I'm funny?
Because it's not fun-n-ny!
It's mean!
Why won't you
just love me again
so that I can
love you again?
Ugh!
Okay. Fine.
Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.
In summary, not everything's
gonna be perfect all the time,
and that's okay.
Kiss?
-Fine.
-Yeah.
So are we
hosting this thing?
Ugh.
Can't they just do it
behind a shed like I had to?
You never did that.
No, of course not.
Every time it's like
entering the cave of wonders.
Oh, brother. No.
Ugh.
(exclaims)
Maybe Matilda
isn't prepared for college.
Hmm.
Look at you over there
cleaning up my sister's mold.
Maybe I just should
have been better.
-Yes!
-Yeah.
(both laugh)
Do you wanna move in?
What?
Do you wanna move in?
Where's this coming from?
Um, I don't know.
I was trying to...
I was trying to figure out
a way to make you like me again
and that's what
I came up with.
Well, how long have you
been thinking about this?
Just now.
Well, people
think about things.
You know,
contemplate them.
And are thoughtful.
Not this guy, though.
I'm spontaneous.
You're insane!
You have two children
living in this house.
You can't just invite me
to move in.
-Yeah.
-It's erratic!
We have something
we need to tell you.
Is it that you guys
are dumb bitches?
Because I already
got that memo.
When you say
things like that,
who is it for?
Is it for us?
Seriously.
I heard about yours
and Genevieve's sleepover.
And I'm not
mad about it,
but I am concerned.
Leonard has taken a poor
innocent woman's vagina photo,
and spread it around the school
thinking it was yours.
I'm sorry, babe.
Well, it was
a very beautiful vagina.
Very symmetrical.
(sighs)
You coming?
Wh-where?
To find Leonard.
There he is.
I need you guys
for moral support.
What are you
gonna do?
-I'm asking him out.
-What?
Still?
Can you just
explain to me
what he would have to do
for you to stop liking him?
I mean, how evil is he
allowed to be?
You want some advice?
-I don't know.
-She's just gonna say it.
Crushes are over,
ladies, okay?
And sex is coming.
And I'm gonna do it with
the bad guy with the good face,
because I'm a highly
visual person.
I'm wanna look back
on my high school years
and be so proud
that I did it
with all the hottest guys
in school.
More than one?
-There's more than one, Barb.
-You know why?
We have
the rest of our lives
to settle for someone chubby
with a nice job
who respects us.
I am not prepared
to compromise on hotness now.
Barb: There she goes.
Chasing tail.
Hey.
What's up?
You wanna chill?
Yeah. Yeah, cool.
What's gonna
happen to her?
Everything.
Oh, my God, Duke,
my long lost love.
Hello.
Hello, my friend.
Well, we've got
stuff to do, so...
Yes, you do.
Yeah. Okay.
Hello, Drea.
Hello, Jeremy.
No one
ate my soup.
What is going on
in there?
It's very...
I just feel very...
-Alex: Hmm.
-Hello.
Can Duke stay in the kitchen
an hour or two?
-Depending...
-Yes. Yes, of course, he can.
Hey, Duke.
Hey, buddy.
Ready to roll.
Okay, Jeremy,
take off your shirt.
Jeremy: I got, like...
It-it felt too...
I got embarrassed.
That's fine.
Should I take mine off?
Not yet.
Well, what are we
doing first?
-Oral.
-Jeremy: Oral?
Haven't even showered.
What if we each say
what we wanna do?
Um...
I don't want to.
You don't have my consent.
I hope that's cool.
Um, I wrote a list of things
I wanted to try.
In case you guys
wanna do it instead.
-Ice cubes, hot wax, biting.
-(door closes)
He's such a loser.
(smooching)
Alex: Ah, yeah, sexy.
(chuckling)
Okay.
Okay.
Just to be clear,
I, like,
really don't want
you to move in.
I just, I wasn't thinking.
Yeah, I don't
want to either.
No one wants to.
Matilda: Okay.
Let's do this.
Mm-hmm. Okay.
Um, the-the thing is...
I'm hypo-sensitive
to touch,
which you might think
means I don't feel things
but actually I do,
just very faintly.
It's like a tickle
and it isn't that nice.
Okay.
So you have to
grab me firmly.
Um, can I grab you
to demonstrate?
Mm-hmm.
You try.
Okay.
-Can-can you grab me harder?
-Okay.
Harder.
That's awesome.
Okay, now do it to me.
Now this.
Hi, Jeremy.
-Hey.
-Oh, no.
J... Jeremy is
in the hallway?
Like he froze.
(chuckling)
Hey, buddy,
you want some soup?
-Yeah.
-Yeah!
You want some soup.
Come on.
Thank you.
Good soup.
(laughing)
Yeah?
?
Genevieve:
This is my apology.
From the back row.
Can you hear me?
This is my apology.
I took too long.
And the mold came.
And the sun fell.
I'm moondust.
I'm aftertaste.
This is my apology.
For a slow-motion pace.
Well, we did it.
It took three geniuses
and 16 years,
but we finally got our first
call to the principal's office.
Mm.
Being here
really brings back memories.
I almost feel
like that class-skipping,
whippet-doing 16-year-old again.
Yeah. Now you're
just the work-skipping,
whippet-doing mom
of a boy who gets bullied.
(chuckles softly)
Honestly, I'm surprised
it took Marc this long
to get picked on.
I mean,
he's a weird, gifted kid
in an Atlantic City
public school.
I wonder
what finally did him in?
Oh. Could have been
a hundred things.
I mean, he says,
"Good morrow."
He's a vocal advocate
for thyroid health.
He runs like his arms are trying
to get away from his torso.
Yes. Yes.
Mr. and Mrs. Bennett?
Oh, my God.
Sweetie, are you okay?
Who did this to you?
Just give me a name.
Kids fall off the jungle gym
all the time.
No, I think
you both misunderstood.
Marc wasn't the victim.
He was the bully.
No. No, that can't be right.
I mean,
Marc couldn't hurt anybody.
Last night, he got trapped
under his weighted blanket.
Technically,
it was just a top sheet.
Marc didn't use his fists.
He has a way of making people
who aren't as bright as him
feel inferior.
Sweetie, you can't make fun
of other kids
because they're not
as smart as you.
Actually,
the victim wasn't a student.
You didn't tell me
he was going to be here.
-Marc bullied his teacher?
-No.
I simply correct him
when he is wrong.
Which is all the time.
(sighs)
He has repeatedly undermined me.
I've lost the respect
of the whole class.
You lost that yourself when
you said you went to Dartmouth.
It's an Ivy!
Sweetie, you can't treat
your teacher like this.
You have to apologize.
All I did was tell the truth.
Apologizing would be lying.
Connie, you promised
you'd make him stop.
Connie can't help you now.
? ?
I can't believe
Marc bullied his teacher.
Brains and cruelty?
I may have finally found
a running mate.
I talked to him about it;
he wasn't trying to be a bully.
I think he's just acting out
because he's bored
and not being challenged
at school.
You know, you guys acted out,
too, but in different ways.
Like when you grew human ears
on the backs of mice
so you could "play God."
Funny story,
most of those mice went insane.
This is a problem.
I don't know how we can keep
sending Marc to that school.
So, send him to ours.
They'll accept anyone
related to me sight unseen.
We can't afford a third kid
in private school.
Money doesn't just grow on the
backs of mice like ears, Nicole.
If he's bored, can't you just
skip him a few grades
so he'll be more challenged?
Oh, he is not emotionally
mature enough for that.
And how's he gonna
reach the urinals?
I guess he could stand back
and arc it.
What about sending Marc
to Marlboro Charter?
They have a gifted program.
Jason Berger went there
after our school kicked him out
for using the robotics lab
to build a girlfriend.
Oh, we have dinner with them
on the 24th
to celebrate their anniversary.
What's Marlboro Charter?
Sounds expensive.
No, it's free.
It's like a public school
with a specialized...
He stopped listening
after "free."
I stopped listening after
you said you have a dinner date
with a pervert
and his robot girlfriend.
From what he says,
she's the pervert.
And we think Marlboro Charter's
gifted program
would be perfect for Marc.
He wrote his first concerto
when he was four
and then self-published
a magazine
that gave it a rave review.
Well, it's quite impressive.
And while my little
academic sandbox
is open to all qualified
children in the district,
I'm concerned about
Marc's history of bullying.
I understand.
But that was just
a one-time thing.
The class is a little slow
for him,
so he's bored and acting out.
Interesting.
"He's bored and acting out."
Tell me, was that also
your excuse
back when you bullied me?
Uh... I'm sorry, when I...?
I could tell
you didn't recognize me.
Ventnor High,
we graduated together?
Oh, my God!
Yes, yes, of course.
Dr. Walker. How are you?
You were the architect
of the most humiliating moment
of my life.
Well, how have you been
since then?
I can't believe Marc's bullying
was a one-time thing.
The apple rarely falls
far from the tree.
Are you kidding me?
That apple fell so far
from the tree,
I wouldn't believe
it's our apple
if I didn't see the tree
push it out with my own eyes.
Marlboro appreciates
your interest.
I'll pass Marc's application
on to my colleague.
Well, thank you both
for your time.
Well, there goes any shot
of getting into Marlboro.
That guy really hates you.
I mean, that shredder
was brand-new.
I feel like he bought it
just for that meeting.
I don't even know
what he was talking about.
I wasn't a bully in high school.
I played a few pranks.
I was voted class clown.
Sure, but clowns
aren't always funny.
I mean, the most popular ones
terrorize Gotham
or live in the sewer
and eat children.
Hey.
How did it go at the school?
Uh, great, buddy. Yeah.
We-we should hear soon.
I'm hopeful it works out.
Did you see that?
I've never seen him
that amped up about anything.
Yeah.
I know.
I got to fix things with Walker.
So we'll-we'll just call him
and apologize.
That's perfect.
Except for I have no idea
who he is or what I did to him.
I got to figure this out.
Someone has to remember him.
I don't remember him.
Wait. Was this the guy
you stapled into
the mascot outfit?
-No, that was John Norwood.
-Oh.
What about the dude
whose deodorant
you switched for spray glue?
Ryan Farley.
And how was I supposed to know
he sprayed deodorant down there?
Who does that?
-What?
-(scoffs) No one.
That's crazy.
Okay, okay... Oh! What was
the name of the flat-assed guy
you shoved into the locker
during homecoming?
Oh-oh-oh, oh.
Uh, uh, his name was Mike.
(clears throat)
Mike Bennett. She married him.
(chuckles)
You know, the more we talk
about all the stuff I did,
it sounds more mean than fun.
Was I just a bully
in high school?
No... no, babe.
You just-- you did some...
cruel things at the expense
of other people's confidence
in their white jean collection.
Wow, Mike.
You found the only thing
that a white guy
can't get away with.
So Walker was right.
I am the jerk tree,
and Marc is the apple
that didn't fall far from me.
Maybe you were a tree
on the jerky side,
but you're
a different person now.
Pancake-Ass is right.
Why don't you just show this
Walker guy that you changed.
Uh, invite him over
for dinner or something.
Yeah, or do what you did to us:
invite him over for beer
and pizza,
and then talk about stuff
he can't even contribute to
because he went to
a different high school, Kay!
All right, you know what?
Let's give it a try.
We'll roll out the red carpet.
Oh! Was Walker the guy
you rolled in that carpet?
MIKE:
No-no-no-no-no.
Uh, buh-buh-buh-buh, also me.
Walker just e-mailed back.
He is in for dinner tomorrow.
But he said his "girlfriend"
can't make it.
Weirdly, he's the one
who put "girlfriend" in quotes.
Great. Did he mention
any food allergies?
'Cause we throw a couple nuts
in his salad,
next thing you know,
we're saving his life
and he owes us.
-Ha!
-Oh. Hey, buddy.
What did we say about you
and lurking?
Don't get caught.
Maybe now's a good time
to talk to your apple.
Hey, sweetie.
Here. Sit.
You know,
I've been thinking
about all the stuff I did
when I was in school,
and you know what I realized?
It is never okay to bully.
-Well, actually...
-I hate when they start
sentences like that.
I recently read an article
that I wrote
that highlights
the sociopolitical benefits
of diminishing the weakest
among us.
From an evolutionary standpoint,
ineptitude should be ridiculed,
as to discourage that trait
from the species.
Does everything have to be
a nature documentary?
Just be kind to people,
even if they're dumber than you.
So, based on that premise,
I should be extra nice to Brian.
What a beautiful sentiment
from my brilliant
and symmetrically-featured
sister.
In case your lackluster
intelligence isn't following,
it is I who am
being nice because...
because of what Mom said.
Interesting.
They're being nice to be mean.
-No, no-no-no-no-no,
don't learn this.
-MIKE: Guys,
niceness is not a weapon, okay?
It makes the world
a better place,
and also, it's a great way
to hedge your bet
in case there really is
a heaven.
So just put your egos aside
and-and just,
you know... be good.
Forever.
Yes!
Definitely forever.
But especially tomorrow.
Because Marc's academic life
hangs in the balance,
and we have to prove
that we are a warm,
loving family,
and not just a bunch of bullies.
Hey, Dad, can I borrow
your hammer?
My imaginary friend
needs to be taught a lesson.
Hey, what do you think?
Pretty clean, right?
I mean, I had to
drill the closet door shut
'cause it wouldn't stay.
But that's for tomorrow us.
Nice. Look what I got.
Nothing says "warm, kind home"
like a welcome mat.
Good news, it was on sale.
Bad news, it says
"Welcome to our ho ho home."
That's perfect. He's gonna think
we're year-round
Christmas people.
Those freaks
are nice to a fault.
BRIAN:
Mom,
your deceitful daughter
plagiarized
my look for the night.
Plagiarized? You took that
turtleneck out of my drawer.
What happened to you two
out-nice'ing each other?
That tiresome charade
ran its course.
Yeah, it got weird when Nicole
tried to draw me a bath.
Okay, Walker is going to be here
any minute.
I don't have time
for your your fighting
and competing right now.
Nicole gets the turtleneck,
Brian gets the khakis,
no one gets a bath.
Why can't they ever
just make anything easy?
Isn't it obvious?
I was a bully, and now
I'm raising an army of bullies.
Well, I don't know
about an army.
I'd say maybe
an elite task force.
I was just worried about Marc,
but it's all of them.
It's like my mean DNA
combined with their brains
makes them
bullying supersoldiers.
Well, we can't count on
the kids, so it's just gonna be
up to us tonight to make sure
that-that we're nice.
Okay, you know you're already,
like, professionally nice,
so you're just saying that
to remind me.
-What?
-Do you not think I'm nice?
Yeah, of course
you're nice, babe.
Yeah-- I'm just, I'm saying,
you know, it never hurts to, uh,
-be more nice.
-What the hell is more nice?
-Not this.
-(doorbell rings)
Great.
Now I'm all in my head
about "more nice."
You know, I'm gonna "more nice"
your head right up your...
(gasps)
Hey, you!
Get in here.
-I'm a hugger.
-Oh.
Careful, I have a soft spine.
This is a very quaint home.
Shoes on, I assume.
Dr. Walker,
thank you for coming.
We're sorry your girlfriend
couldn't make it.
Ah. Yes, well, actually,
we broke up.
My decision.
And don't try calling her;
she doesn't have a phone.
Please come in. Let me
introduce you to the family.
Um, t-this here is Leila.
And of course, this is Marc--
come here, buddy--
the man of the hour.
-Enchant?, Marc.
-Enchant?, aussi.
Oh, French.
(chuckles)
The language of France.
Okay.
(clears throat, chuckles)
KAY:
And these are our other two
gifted children
Brian and Nicole.
-Enchant?.
-Enchant?.
-Enchant?.
-Enchant?.
-NICOLE: Actually,
I think you can help us.
My brother and I were having
an intellectual debate.
Is there any other kind?
(laughs)
How droll.
As an academic evaluator,
you are uniquely qualified
to settle something for us.
Uh, we don't need
to bother Dr. Walker with...
We could show you
our r?sum?s, drone on
about our commendations, but
let's dismiss the formalities.
You've seen enough.
Decide: who is drawing
whom a bath?
Come again?
Who is drawing whom...
(laughs): Okay.
Why don't, why don't we, uh,
go upstairs and, uh, and change
our clothes... (clears throat)
...and our personalities?
Okay. So the kids
enchant?d the bed.
I think it's time to pull the
trigger and say you're sorry.
(whispers): Ah, yeah. There's
one problem-- same problem--
-I don't remember him.
-Right.
Okay. Okay, I-I got this.
(clears throat)
So, Dr. Walker,
tell me about yourself.
D-Did you play any sports
in high school?
(chuckles)
No, I was not a sporting man.
The only team I cheered for
was the team of physicians
trying to rectify
my calcium deficiency.
I drank an obscene amount
of milk.
Cool, cool. That seems like
a memorable characteristic,
just a sick dude
chugging milk all the time?
What is this?
No, no, no.
Uh, we're-we're not...
I had my reservations
about tonight.
Now I see you brought me here
only to mock me.
My girlfriend was right.
I shouldn't have come.
I thought you broke up.
This is a new one.
She also has no phone.
I should be going.
No-- Dr. Walker, wait.
I realize now that I was not
a good person in high school.
I feel terrible about the things
I did back then,
and I wish I could apologize
for what I did to you.
But the truth is, I don't
even remember what it was.
Well, I appreciate your candor.
I wish it were only
so easy for me
to forget about
that election speech.
Election speech.
You're Andy Walker.
(high-pitched):
And I owe you an apology.
(regular voice):
Oh.
Would you, um...
excuse me?
Uh, I'm just gonna go help her
for a minute.
(clears throat)
-What is going on?
-I remember Walker.
Senior year, right before
his student council speech,
I slipped a bottle of laxatives
into his prescription soup.
Walker was the kid that dumped
out in front of the school.
I remember that.
They had to replace
the whole stage.
But this is great.
Now you can really apologize.
No, I can't. I will never ever
apologize to that guy.
Well, drink up.
Usually after the second glass,
you're more up to try things
you first said no to.
-Why won't you tell this guy
you're sorry?
-Look,
I feel bad about a lot of stuff
I did back then, but not that.
That was not bullying,
it was standing up for a friend.
My only regret
is I didn't use more laxatives.
But I needed to fit
into my prom dress.
-But again...
-The guy was a huge creep.
He had a crush on my friend
Heather, and she just
didn't like him back, so he lied
about her cheating off him
and got her kicked
out of school.
Whoa, that guy did that?
Okay, they might get
the bullying from me,
but they get
the lurking from you.
Yes.
Your mom needs to say
she's sorry to this guy.
But it sounds
like she was right.
She shouldn't have to apologize.
Ugh, I have to be a parent
right now, don't I?
Your dad has a point.
What I did was wrong,
and it is never okay
to treat someone like that.
So I should own up to it.
(whispers): Even though I was
right and I don't want to.
And then Neil deGrasse Tyson
said, "Give me some time."
And I said, "What is time?"
and, oh, did we laugh.
Well, I laughed.
He was very far away.
Can I go to bed?
Dr. Walker, I just want to
finish what I was saying before.
Oh.
KAY:
I am...
sorry for what I did to you.
It was, uh...
Cruel, childish and unjustified?
Those are three things.
And for whatever reasons I
thought I had, I see now that...
You did it because
you were jealous
of my success and intelligence.
The important thing
is that Marc is a great kid.
All of my kids are great kids,
and I have done my best to set
a good example for all of them.
Well, at least you have
the self-awareness
to make yourself a cautionary
tale for your children.
Though you must
appreciate the irony.
You, once so powerful
and popular, now reduced
to working at a second-rate
casino, pleading for my help
like a squirrel trapped
in a garden rake.
Okay. Okay, ho--
That is my squirrel.
-Mike, it's fine.
-It is fine.
I graciously accept
your apology.
Justice has been served.
All is right in the world.
You're a dick.
-Leila.
-NICOLE: She's right.
No one can talk
to our mother like that.
Especially not some
pedantic pseudo-intellectual.
Pseudo? I have an IQ of 135.
(both laugh)
I can't believe
you'd admit that.
So, you're just a whole family
full of bullies.
I guess some things
never change.
You should know.
Becoming an educator
is a transparent attempt
to wield power in an environment
where you once felt so impotent.
What know you of my impotence?
Your words mean nothing.
"Let them speak lewdly of me,
what am I the worse?"
-Sir Thomas More.
-(scoffs)
More like Sir Thomas Snore.
(both laugh)
I'll be going.
Marc, it seems like you're the
only decent one of the bunch.
Wait.
(whispering indistinctly)
(crying softly)
Sir Thomas More
was a damned fool.
(door opens, closes)
What did you say to him?
Just enough.
Again, I am so sorry for all
of the mean things I said
and did to you in high school.
Thanks. It was nice
talking to you, too.
Jerry Weenus accepted
my apology.
Another burned bridge rebuilt--
-And what are you wearing?
-Oh. These?
Well, I figured,
now that we are officially
a bully-free ho ho home,
I am free to be me.
And I can't say
anything about it.
No, you cannot.
You just got to watch me walk.
(chuckles)
Okay, the jeans don't want
to sit. (clears throat)
Announcing entrance.
Sweetie, we are so sorry
about Marlboro.
But don't worry, we are gonna
come up with another plan.
It's okay. I'm going
to apologize to my teacher.
-You are?
-If you could be nice to a jerk
like Dr. Walker for me, I can
be nice to my teacher for you.
It's not his fault
he went to Dartmouth.
(chuckles)
Wow, that is really mature
of you, buddy.
Yeah.
Maybe even like
seventh grade mature.
-Then we'd have two drop-offs.
-Sixth it is.
Hey, jelly bean,
what are you doing?
I'm going to dig
in the backyard.
Oh, y-you planting something?
Sort of. Let's just say
that you won't be seeing
my imaginary friend
around here anymore.
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
No.
(fast-paced piano playing)
Hello.
Hello.
Okay, I'm worried you aren't
in love with me anymore
and I am afraid
to bring it up
because maybe you'll
admit that you aren't
or you'll think
I'm being paranoid
which then might make
my concern
a self-fulfilling
prophecy.
You're being paranoid.
Your eyes look at me
dead sometimes.
That is so unfair.
My eyes sparkle!
Don't you think, like,
now might be a good time
to tell me you love me though?
Now?
Do I need to?
No one needs to,
I just thought
you might want to.
Like, I'd inspire
a compulsion in you to say it.
I thought it was obvious
'cause I'm, like, here.
No, lots of people in the world
are laying in bed right now
with someone
they don't love.
(sighs)
(dramatic piano music playing)
This music is making me
seem more insane than I am.
Matilda,
use the keyboard!
Sorry!
?
Tellulah: I've been
meaning to tell you something.
What?
I've been
texting Leonard.
Is that bad?
Oh, no, it's bad.
Are you still
in love with him?
I'm absolutely
not in love with him.
Do you want me to stop?
I can stop.
I am not in love with him!
I hate him,
he's a villain.
Ah, but love and hate
are two sides of the same coin.
I just, I don't want
my friend dating a bully.
A bully? What, are we
eight years old?
I just think we should be
trying to date nice boys.
You are so obsessed with him
it's not even funny, bitch.
Should we see
if he'll send us a nude?
Is... Is that an option?
Boom! You wanna
see his junk so bad!
Oh, my God!
Of course I do.
Okay.
What...
What are you saying?
Leonard, I want to see
your throbbing member so bad.
Love, Genevieve.
-What?
-I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
It's from me.
(cell phone chimes)
He wants a pic
of my vag first.
He asked for that?
He's no fool.
Why do you have to go first?
Feminists go first.
Do I send it?
Are you crazy?
I don't know what to say.
-Do I take a photo?
-I'm not taking it.
-I don't know what to do.
-Don't.
Let's send someone else's.
There's so many variations,
just pick one.
Yeah, but, like,
which one?
A good vagina,
I don't know.
A good va...
What's the criteria?
That one looks like
Judge Judy.
-No it doesn't.
-Okay, okay.
Um, this one has
a nice sense of symmetry
and I believe it for you.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, that's...
that one's the best one.
That's-that's
a good one.
Oh, my God.
Okay, I'm-I'm sending it to you.
(computer beeps)
-(cell phone chimes)
-Got it.
Sent it.
(cell phone chimes)
Here you go.
(softly):
Oh, my God.
That's his actual...
I can tell by his hand.
Hey, boyfriend.
(unenthusiastically):
Hey.
What?
(sighs)
I'm feeling down
after last night.
Still?
Well, you didn't really do much
to make me feel better.
Shh.
Hey, hey, hey.
Shush now.
Hey, hey.
(chuckles) Ow.
(kisses)
Are you gonna
be like this all day?
I was hoping maybe we could
go to the beach.
You hate the beach.
Yeah, when I say
the beach,
I mean, like,
somewhere where
I'm not in trouble.
You aren't in trouble.
-I'm not in trouble?
-You're not in trouble.
Why would I be?
Why would anybody
ever wanna put me in trouble?
I feel like you're not
taking me seriously.
I'm not taking you seriously!
Well, please do!
(grunts)
I'm in trouble. I'm in
palpable, palpable trouble.
You're not in trouble.
I'm not mad at you, okay?
I'm just feeling hurt.
You want me to go
onto the naughty corner?
Is that what you want?
Yeah, I'm gonna go.
I'm gonna be
in the naughty corner.
Turn around then.
(indistinct chatter)
Girls send pictures
all the time.
Uptown and downtown.
It's disgusting.
(whispering):
Tellulah and I sent that
exact vagina last night.
That's your vagina?
We got it off the Internet.
Leonard sent us his
and then we swapped photos.
You broke the law.
It's child pornography.
We don't know how old
that vagina is.
Leonard, though.
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
You could get jail time.
I mean, or at best,
fine/community service.
Mm-hmm. Yeah,
I'm deleting it right now.
Um, but before you do,
can I... see it?
It's so good.
Ha.
I would have
stopped you if I had been
invited to
the sleepover.
You're gonna have to
tell Tellulah what he's done.
She thinks
I'm in love with him.
She'll think
I'm up to something.
Barb: I'm just not ready
to show the whole school
my vagina.
Not yet.
What? No, you don't
have to do that.
We'll see.
All right, let's do this.
Let's get... Let's get serious.
How you doing?
How you doing, buddy?
What's wrong, buddy?
Okay, last night
I wanted you to tell me
that you love me,
and you didn't.
And I don't understand why
you didn't wanna
make me to feel better?
All right.
Well, it's just...
Wait, do you
want the truth
or do you want me to say
cute distracting things
so we can move on?
No, you always do that.
I want you
to tell me the truth.
Okay, I'll tell you
the truth.
(cell phone ringing)
Ah!
Who could that be?
Hello?
Hello, it's Matilda's
teacher, Sam.
Hi! Hello.
Sam (over phone):
I heard about Juilliard
and want to bask
in the glory with you.
Yeah, it's great.
It's great.
She's gonna put me
in trouble as well.
Everybody just wants
to put me in trouble.
...any questions
I can answer for you?
Questions? Was I meant
to have questions?
No, I don't have
any questions.
Have you decided to,
in fact, enroll?
Nicholas (over phone):
Yes, of course.
Okay, so, um,
do we need to make a plan,
or do you already have one?
Nicholas:
Yeah, I have a plan.
I have heaps of plans.
I have so many plans.
I just wanna make sure
we aren't underestimating
what we're up against here.
Me, too.
Okay, I gotta go now
I'm afraid.
Nicholas: Okay, thanks.
Thanks, Sam.
-Wait, are you still here?
-Sam: Yeah.
I never hang up first,
as a therapeutic tool.
Nicholas: Oh. Oh, okay.
Well, I'm going to hang up.
-Sam: You're held
until you do.
-Okay.
(cell phone beeps)
-All right, you, you.
-Me?
-Yes.
-Mm-hmm.
So, I was all cozy,
and then you came in
with all this hassle,
and it was annoying,
and I find it hard to say
I love you
when I don't mean it.
Okay, wow.
I guess I didn't want
the truth at all then.
What, sometimes I don't feel it
so then I don't say it.
There are times
when you don't love me?
Yeah, that's normal,
isn't it?
I don't think so.
No, I think that's...
I think that's normal.
I do. I just think
other people are better
at lying about it
than me.
Well, aren't there times
when you don't love me?
No.
Well, I think
that's odd.
?
Are you guys going
to the show's after party?
-Drea (over radio): No.
-No.
They never invite
the tech crew.
Without us they'd be performing
in the dark with no sound.
(chuckles)
You guys wanna
come over to my house?
-Yeah.
-Jeremy (over radio): Yeah.
Jeremy, I think Drea
has a crush on me.
Jeremy: Drea isn't queer.
Is she? Are you?
I don't wanna answer.
(Matilda giggles)
You guys know
I'm sex-positive, right?
Yeah.
I've been thinking
about college
and how basically
we're never gonna
see each other again.
I-I didn't apply
for college.
My parents
don't think I'm ready.
You wanna
fool around together?
Whoa. Random.
In the controlled environment
of my bedroom.
Sounds like
a lot of... touching.
Yeah, touching.
Nudity, if you want.
Jeremy: Uh, I don't know.
Do I ask my mom?
She-she'll wanna
know everything.
So we go to your bedroom
and then what?
How does it start?
I'll tell you when it starts.
I wanted to ask that, too.
Uh, I don't even know
how it starts.
I'll just say, "I'm starting."
-I'm in.
-I'm in.
I just want my boyfriend
to love me all the time.
I do!
But you think
I'm annoying.
Sometimes.
I can't control what I think.
-(scoffs)
-Ugh!
I wish I just lied to you,
and we lived a lie
where you're never annoying.
I manage to love you
all the time.
Do you? 'Cause it
doesn't feel like it
when I look at you
looking at me like that.
It feels like actually
you're highly critical of me.
Do you even love me?
I love you.
I just wish you weren't
an open sink hole of need.
(cell phone ringing)
(chuckles)
One moment. Sorry.
-Oh, hey, honey.
-Genevieve (over phone): Hi.
Um, so, this-- this
thing happened.
Oh, no, not another thing.
I'm in a thing with Alex
at the moment.
He's glaring at me.
This big, big glaring.
I don't have anyone else to ask.
Not that you would want
anyone else, though,
because you've got me.
Leonard asked Tellulah
for a vagina pic.
Whoa, we're here already?
Looks like it.
I've never even
sent a nude pic.
-Never?
-No, it doesn't
photograph well.
I turn up with it, though,
and then I show it.
Genevieve: Focus!
We sent a fake one.
Cunning.
And Leonard passed it around
the whole school.
Not a shocking twist.
Genevieve: Do I tell her
what he's done?
She'll think
I'm happy about it.
Why will she think
you're happy about it?
I used to like him.
Who the hell is this Casanova?
Hello?
I don't know what to do.
I don't know, you've got
more information than I do.
I think I should tell her
what he's done.
That's sounds very sound.
Do that.
-Thanks.
-Nicholas: Bye.
Kids these days.
Huh?
All right, okay,
where were we?
Uh, "open sinkhole of need."
Probably a bit much.
Of course.
I'm an open sinkhole of need.
You did this to me.
-I used to be fun!
-Oh, come on.
When I did just
one little thing in Mexico
that you didn't like,
you packed your bags.
You threw
raw fish on me.
And it annoyed you
and you wanted to leave me.
It's normal.
I'm really sorry
if I hurt you.
No, I really wasn't, um...
I really wasn't
bothered by it,
I just wanted
some ammunition.
I wish I could figure out
how to stop loving you
so I could
just be free.
-(cell phone ringing)
-Sorry. One moment.
-No, please take it.
-Yeah?
Oh.
Hello. Hey, babe.
Remember we decided
I could have sex
if I asked you first?
I feel a little
taken out of context.
You said I could be
sex-positive.
That is a different thing,
but go on.
Can Jeremy and Drea
come over for a threesome?
Um...
Here?
Like, over here?
They're waiting.
Nicholas:
Drea I saw coming,
but Jeremy?
They're both autistic.
Nicholas:
Okay. Well, that...
that doesn't
matter to me.
But...
(sighs)
Yeah, I can't think
of a reason why not.
Well, think harder.
Great. Will you
tidy up my room?
What, now I have
to do cleaning?
Everyone's having fun,
and I'm just stuck here
with you.
What? I was just joking.
Stop it. I'm... funny.
Why won't you
just think that I'm funny?
Because it's not fun-n-ny!
It's mean!
Why won't you
just love me again
so that I can
love you again?
Ugh!
Okay. Fine.
Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.
In summary, not everything's
gonna be perfect all the time,
and that's okay.
Kiss?
-Fine.
-Yeah.
So are we
hosting this thing?
Ugh.
Can't they just do it
behind a shed like I had to?
You never did that.
No, of course not.
Every time it's like
entering the cave of wonders.
Oh, brother. No.
Ugh.
(exclaims)
Maybe Matilda
isn't prepared for college.
Hmm.
Look at you over there
cleaning up my sister's mold.
Maybe I just should
have been better.
-Yes!
-Yeah.
(both laugh)
Do you wanna move in?
What?
Do you wanna move in?
Where's this coming from?
Um, I don't know.
I was trying to...
I was trying to figure out
a way to make you like me again
and that's what
I came up with.
Well, how long have you
been thinking about this?
Just now.
Well, people
think about things.
You know,
contemplate them.
And are thoughtful.
Not this guy, though.
I'm spontaneous.
You're insane!
You have two children
living in this house.
You can't just invite me
to move in.
-Yeah.
-It's erratic!
We have something
we need to tell you.
Is it that you guys
are dumb bitches?
Because I already
got that memo.
When you say
things like that,
who is it for?
Is it for us?
Seriously.
I heard about yours
and Genevieve's sleepover.
And I'm not
mad about it,
but I am concerned.
Leonard has taken a poor
innocent woman's vagina photo,
and spread it around the school
thinking it was yours.
I'm sorry, babe.
Well, it was
a very beautiful vagina.
Very symmetrical.
(sighs)
You coming?
Wh-where?
To find Leonard.
There he is.
I need you guys
for moral support.
What are you
gonna do?
-I'm asking him out.
-What?
Still?
Can you just
explain to me
what he would have to do
for you to stop liking him?
I mean, how evil is he
allowed to be?
You want some advice?
-I don't know.
-She's just gonna say it.
Crushes are over,
ladies, okay?
And sex is coming.
And I'm gonna do it with
the bad guy with the good face,
because I'm a highly
visual person.
I'm wanna look back
on my high school years
and be so proud
that I did it
with all the hottest guys
in school.
More than one?
-There's more than one, Barb.
-You know why?
We have
the rest of our lives
to settle for someone chubby
with a nice job
who respects us.
I am not prepared
to compromise on hotness now.
Barb: There she goes.
Chasing tail.
Hey.
What's up?
You wanna chill?
Yeah. Yeah, cool.
What's gonna
happen to her?
Everything.
Oh, my God, Duke,
my long lost love.
Hello.
Hello, my friend.
Well, we've got
stuff to do, so...
Yes, you do.
Yeah. Okay.
Hello, Drea.
Hello, Jeremy.
No one
ate my soup.
What is going on
in there?
It's very...
I just feel very...
-Alex: Hmm.
-Hello.
Can Duke stay in the kitchen
an hour or two?
-Depending...
-Yes. Yes, of course, he can.
Hey, Duke.
Hey, buddy.
Ready to roll.
Okay, Jeremy,
take off your shirt.
Jeremy: I got, like...
It-it felt too...
I got embarrassed.
That's fine.
Should I take mine off?
Not yet.
Well, what are we
doing first?
-Oral.
-Jeremy: Oral?
Haven't even showered.
What if we each say
what we wanna do?
Um...
I don't want to.
You don't have my consent.
I hope that's cool.
Um, I wrote a list of things
I wanted to try.
In case you guys
wanna do it instead.
-Ice cubes, hot wax, biting.
-(door closes)
He's such a loser.
(smooching)
Alex: Ah, yeah, sexy.
(chuckling)
Okay.
Okay.
Just to be clear,
I, like,
really don't want
you to move in.
I just, I wasn't thinking.
Yeah, I don't
want to either.
No one wants to.
Matilda: Okay.
Let's do this.
Mm-hmm. Okay.
Um, the-the thing is...
I'm hypo-sensitive
to touch,
which you might think
means I don't feel things
but actually I do,
just very faintly.
It's like a tickle
and it isn't that nice.
Okay.
So you have to
grab me firmly.
Um, can I grab you
to demonstrate?
Mm-hmm.
You try.
Okay.
-Can-can you grab me harder?
-Okay.
Harder.
That's awesome.
Okay, now do it to me.
Now this.
Hi, Jeremy.
-Hey.
-Oh, no.
J... Jeremy is
in the hallway?
Like he froze.
(chuckling)
Hey, buddy,
you want some soup?
-Yeah.
-Yeah!
You want some soup.
Come on.
Thank you.
Good soup.
(laughing)
Yeah?
?
Genevieve:
This is my apology.
From the back row.
Can you hear me?
This is my apology.
I took too long.
And the mold came.
And the sun fell.
I'm moondust.
I'm aftertaste.
This is my apology.
For a slow-motion pace.
Well, we did it.
It took three geniuses
and 16 years,
but we finally got our first
call to the principal's office.
Mm.
Being here
really brings back memories.
I almost feel
like that class-skipping,
whippet-doing 16-year-old again.
Yeah. Now you're
just the work-skipping,
whippet-doing mom
of a boy who gets bullied.
(chuckles softly)
Honestly, I'm surprised
it took Marc this long
to get picked on.
I mean,
he's a weird, gifted kid
in an Atlantic City
public school.
I wonder
what finally did him in?
Oh. Could have been
a hundred things.
I mean, he says,
"Good morrow."
He's a vocal advocate
for thyroid health.
He runs like his arms are trying
to get away from his torso.
Yes. Yes.
Mr. and Mrs. Bennett?
Oh, my God.
Sweetie, are you okay?
Who did this to you?
Just give me a name.
Kids fall off the jungle gym
all the time.
No, I think
you both misunderstood.
Marc wasn't the victim.
He was the bully.
No. No, that can't be right.
I mean,
Marc couldn't hurt anybody.
Last night, he got trapped
under his weighted blanket.
Technically,
it was just a top sheet.
Marc didn't use his fists.
He has a way of making people
who aren't as bright as him
feel inferior.
Sweetie, you can't make fun
of other kids
because they're not
as smart as you.
Actually,
the victim wasn't a student.
You didn't tell me
he was going to be here.
-Marc bullied his teacher?
-No.
I simply correct him
when he is wrong.
Which is all the time.
(sighs)
He has repeatedly undermined me.
I've lost the respect
of the whole class.
You lost that yourself when
you said you went to Dartmouth.
It's an Ivy!
Sweetie, you can't treat
your teacher like this.
You have to apologize.
All I did was tell the truth.
Apologizing would be lying.
Connie, you promised
you'd make him stop.
Connie can't help you now.
? ?
I can't believe
Marc bullied his teacher.
Brains and cruelty?
I may have finally found
a running mate.
I talked to him about it;
he wasn't trying to be a bully.
I think he's just acting out
because he's bored
and not being challenged
at school.
You know, you guys acted out,
too, but in different ways.
Like when you grew human ears
on the backs of mice
so you could "play God."
Funny story,
most of those mice went insane.
This is a problem.
I don't know how we can keep
sending Marc to that school.
So, send him to ours.
They'll accept anyone
related to me sight unseen.
We can't afford a third kid
in private school.
Money doesn't just grow on the
backs of mice like ears, Nicole.
If he's bored, can't you just
skip him a few grades
so he'll be more challenged?
Oh, he is not emotionally
mature enough for that.
And how's he gonna
reach the urinals?
I guess he could stand back
and arc it.
What about sending Marc
to Marlboro Charter?
They have a gifted program.
Jason Berger went there
after our school kicked him out
for using the robotics lab
to build a girlfriend.
Oh, we have dinner with them
on the 24th
to celebrate their anniversary.
What's Marlboro Charter?
Sounds expensive.
No, it's free.
It's like a public school
with a specialized...
He stopped listening
after "free."
I stopped listening after
you said you have a dinner date
with a pervert
and his robot girlfriend.
From what he says,
she's the pervert.
And we think Marlboro Charter's
gifted program
would be perfect for Marc.
He wrote his first concerto
when he was four
and then self-published
a magazine
that gave it a rave review.
Well, it's quite impressive.
And while my little
academic sandbox
is open to all qualified
children in the district,
I'm concerned about
Marc's history of bullying.
I understand.
But that was just
a one-time thing.
The class is a little slow
for him,
so he's bored and acting out.
Interesting.
"He's bored and acting out."
Tell me, was that also
your excuse
back when you bullied me?
Uh... I'm sorry, when I...?
I could tell
you didn't recognize me.
Ventnor High,
we graduated together?
Oh, my God!
Yes, yes, of course.
Dr. Walker. How are you?
You were the architect
of the most humiliating moment
of my life.
Well, how have you been
since then?
I can't believe Marc's bullying
was a one-time thing.
The apple rarely falls
far from the tree.
Are you kidding me?
That apple fell so far
from the tree,
I wouldn't believe
it's our apple
if I didn't see the tree
push it out with my own eyes.
Marlboro appreciates
your interest.
I'll pass Marc's application
on to my colleague.
Well, thank you both
for your time.
Well, there goes any shot
of getting into Marlboro.
That guy really hates you.
I mean, that shredder
was brand-new.
I feel like he bought it
just for that meeting.
I don't even know
what he was talking about.
I wasn't a bully in high school.
I played a few pranks.
I was voted class clown.
Sure, but clowns
aren't always funny.
I mean, the most popular ones
terrorize Gotham
or live in the sewer
and eat children.
Hey.
How did it go at the school?
Uh, great, buddy. Yeah.
We-we should hear soon.
I'm hopeful it works out.
Did you see that?
I've never seen him
that amped up about anything.
Yeah.
I know.
I got to fix things with Walker.
So we'll-we'll just call him
and apologize.
That's perfect.
Except for I have no idea
who he is or what I did to him.
I got to figure this out.
Someone has to remember him.
I don't remember him.
Wait. Was this the guy
you stapled into
the mascot outfit?
-No, that was John Norwood.
-Oh.
What about the dude
whose deodorant
you switched for spray glue?
Ryan Farley.
And how was I supposed to know
he sprayed deodorant down there?
Who does that?
-What?
-(scoffs) No one.
That's crazy.
Okay, okay... Oh! What was
the name of the flat-assed guy
you shoved into the locker
during homecoming?
Oh-oh-oh, oh.
Uh, uh, his name was Mike.
(clears throat)
Mike Bennett. She married him.
(chuckles)
You know, the more we talk
about all the stuff I did,
it sounds more mean than fun.
Was I just a bully
in high school?
No... no, babe.
You just-- you did some...
cruel things at the expense
of other people's confidence
in their white jean collection.
Wow, Mike.
You found the only thing
that a white guy
can't get away with.
So Walker was right.
I am the jerk tree,
and Marc is the apple
that didn't fall far from me.
Maybe you were a tree
on the jerky side,
but you're
a different person now.
Pancake-Ass is right.
Why don't you just show this
Walker guy that you changed.
Uh, invite him over
for dinner or something.
Yeah, or do what you did to us:
invite him over for beer
and pizza,
and then talk about stuff
he can't even contribute to
because he went to
a different high school, Kay!
All right, you know what?
Let's give it a try.
We'll roll out the red carpet.
Oh! Was Walker the guy
you rolled in that carpet?
MIKE:
No-no-no-no-no.
Uh, buh-buh-buh-buh, also me.
Walker just e-mailed back.
He is in for dinner tomorrow.
But he said his "girlfriend"
can't make it.
Weirdly, he's the one
who put "girlfriend" in quotes.
Great. Did he mention
any food allergies?
'Cause we throw a couple nuts
in his salad,
next thing you know,
we're saving his life
and he owes us.
-Ha!
-Oh. Hey, buddy.
What did we say about you
and lurking?
Don't get caught.
Maybe now's a good time
to talk to your apple.
Hey, sweetie.
Here. Sit.
You know,
I've been thinking
about all the stuff I did
when I was in school,
and you know what I realized?
It is never okay to bully.
-Well, actually...
-I hate when they start
sentences like that.
I recently read an article
that I wrote
that highlights
the sociopolitical benefits
of diminishing the weakest
among us.
From an evolutionary standpoint,
ineptitude should be ridiculed,
as to discourage that trait
from the species.
Does everything have to be
a nature documentary?
Just be kind to people,
even if they're dumber than you.
So, based on that premise,
I should be extra nice to Brian.
What a beautiful sentiment
from my brilliant
and symmetrically-featured
sister.
In case your lackluster
intelligence isn't following,
it is I who am
being nice because...
because of what Mom said.
Interesting.
They're being nice to be mean.
-No, no-no-no-no-no,
don't learn this.
-MIKE: Guys,
niceness is not a weapon, okay?
It makes the world
a better place,
and also, it's a great way
to hedge your bet
in case there really is
a heaven.
So just put your egos aside
and-and just,
you know... be good.
Forever.
Yes!
Definitely forever.
But especially tomorrow.
Because Marc's academic life
hangs in the balance,
and we have to prove
that we are a warm,
loving family,
and not just a bunch of bullies.
Hey, Dad, can I borrow
your hammer?
My imaginary friend
needs to be taught a lesson.
Hey, what do you think?
Pretty clean, right?
I mean, I had to
drill the closet door shut
'cause it wouldn't stay.
But that's for tomorrow us.
Nice. Look what I got.
Nothing says "warm, kind home"
like a welcome mat.
Good news, it was on sale.
Bad news, it says
"Welcome to our ho ho home."
That's perfect. He's gonna think
we're year-round
Christmas people.
Those freaks
are nice to a fault.
BRIAN:
Mom,
your deceitful daughter
plagiarized
my look for the night.
Plagiarized? You took that
turtleneck out of my drawer.
What happened to you two
out-nice'ing each other?
That tiresome charade
ran its course.
Yeah, it got weird when Nicole
tried to draw me a bath.
Okay, Walker is going to be here
any minute.
I don't have time
for your your fighting
and competing right now.
Nicole gets the turtleneck,
Brian gets the khakis,
no one gets a bath.
Why can't they ever
just make anything easy?
Isn't it obvious?
I was a bully, and now
I'm raising an army of bullies.
Well, I don't know
about an army.
I'd say maybe
an elite task force.
I was just worried about Marc,
but it's all of them.
It's like my mean DNA
combined with their brains
makes them
bullying supersoldiers.
Well, we can't count on
the kids, so it's just gonna be
up to us tonight to make sure
that-that we're nice.
Okay, you know you're already,
like, professionally nice,
so you're just saying that
to remind me.
-What?
-Do you not think I'm nice?
Yeah, of course
you're nice, babe.
Yeah-- I'm just, I'm saying,
you know, it never hurts to, uh,
-be more nice.
-What the hell is more nice?
-Not this.
-(doorbell rings)
Great.
Now I'm all in my head
about "more nice."
You know, I'm gonna "more nice"
your head right up your...
(gasps)
Hey, you!
Get in here.
-I'm a hugger.
-Oh.
Careful, I have a soft spine.
This is a very quaint home.
Shoes on, I assume.
Dr. Walker,
thank you for coming.
We're sorry your girlfriend
couldn't make it.
Ah. Yes, well, actually,
we broke up.
My decision.
And don't try calling her;
she doesn't have a phone.
Please come in. Let me
introduce you to the family.
Um, t-this here is Leila.
And of course, this is Marc--
come here, buddy--
the man of the hour.
-Enchant?, Marc.
-Enchant?, aussi.
Oh, French.
(chuckles)
The language of France.
Okay.
(clears throat, chuckles)
KAY:
And these are our other two
gifted children
Brian and Nicole.
-Enchant?.
-Enchant?.
-Enchant?.
-Enchant?.
-NICOLE: Actually,
I think you can help us.
My brother and I were having
an intellectual debate.
Is there any other kind?
(laughs)
How droll.
As an academic evaluator,
you are uniquely qualified
to settle something for us.
Uh, we don't need
to bother Dr. Walker with...
We could show you
our r?sum?s, drone on
about our commendations, but
let's dismiss the formalities.
You've seen enough.
Decide: who is drawing
whom a bath?
Come again?
Who is drawing whom...
(laughs): Okay.
Why don't, why don't we, uh,
go upstairs and, uh, and change
our clothes... (clears throat)
...and our personalities?
Okay. So the kids
enchant?d the bed.
I think it's time to pull the
trigger and say you're sorry.
(whispers): Ah, yeah. There's
one problem-- same problem--
-I don't remember him.
-Right.
Okay. Okay, I-I got this.
(clears throat)
So, Dr. Walker,
tell me about yourself.
D-Did you play any sports
in high school?
(chuckles)
No, I was not a sporting man.
The only team I cheered for
was the team of physicians
trying to rectify
my calcium deficiency.
I drank an obscene amount
of milk.
Cool, cool. That seems like
a memorable characteristic,
just a sick dude
chugging milk all the time?
What is this?
No, no, no.
Uh, we're-we're not...
I had my reservations
about tonight.
Now I see you brought me here
only to mock me.
My girlfriend was right.
I shouldn't have come.
I thought you broke up.
This is a new one.
She also has no phone.
I should be going.
No-- Dr. Walker, wait.
I realize now that I was not
a good person in high school.
I feel terrible about the things
I did back then,
and I wish I could apologize
for what I did to you.
But the truth is, I don't
even remember what it was.
Well, I appreciate your candor.
I wish it were only
so easy for me
to forget about
that election speech.
Election speech.
You're Andy Walker.
(high-pitched):
And I owe you an apology.
(regular voice):
Oh.
Would you, um...
excuse me?
Uh, I'm just gonna go help her
for a minute.
(clears throat)
-What is going on?
-I remember Walker.
Senior year, right before
his student council speech,
I slipped a bottle of laxatives
into his prescription soup.
Walker was the kid that dumped
out in front of the school.
I remember that.
They had to replace
the whole stage.
But this is great.
Now you can really apologize.
No, I can't. I will never ever
apologize to that guy.
Well, drink up.
Usually after the second glass,
you're more up to try things
you first said no to.
-Why won't you tell this guy
you're sorry?
-Look,
I feel bad about a lot of stuff
I did back then, but not that.
That was not bullying,
it was standing up for a friend.
My only regret
is I didn't use more laxatives.
But I needed to fit
into my prom dress.
-But again...
-The guy was a huge creep.
He had a crush on my friend
Heather, and she just
didn't like him back, so he lied
about her cheating off him
and got her kicked
out of school.
Whoa, that guy did that?
Okay, they might get
the bullying from me,
but they get
the lurking from you.
Yes.
Your mom needs to say
she's sorry to this guy.
But it sounds
like she was right.
She shouldn't have to apologize.
Ugh, I have to be a parent
right now, don't I?
Your dad has a point.
What I did was wrong,
and it is never okay
to treat someone like that.
So I should own up to it.
(whispers): Even though I was
right and I don't want to.
And then Neil deGrasse Tyson
said, "Give me some time."
And I said, "What is time?"
and, oh, did we laugh.
Well, I laughed.
He was very far away.
Can I go to bed?
Dr. Walker, I just want to
finish what I was saying before.
Oh.
KAY:
I am...
sorry for what I did to you.
It was, uh...
Cruel, childish and unjustified?
Those are three things.
And for whatever reasons I
thought I had, I see now that...
You did it because
you were jealous
of my success and intelligence.
The important thing
is that Marc is a great kid.
All of my kids are great kids,
and I have done my best to set
a good example for all of them.
Well, at least you have
the self-awareness
to make yourself a cautionary
tale for your children.
Though you must
appreciate the irony.
You, once so powerful
and popular, now reduced
to working at a second-rate
casino, pleading for my help
like a squirrel trapped
in a garden rake.
Okay. Okay, ho--
That is my squirrel.
-Mike, it's fine.
-It is fine.
I graciously accept
your apology.
Justice has been served.
All is right in the world.
You're a dick.
-Leila.
-NICOLE: She's right.
No one can talk
to our mother like that.
Especially not some
pedantic pseudo-intellectual.
Pseudo? I have an IQ of 135.
(both laugh)
I can't believe
you'd admit that.
So, you're just a whole family
full of bullies.
I guess some things
never change.
You should know.
Becoming an educator
is a transparent attempt
to wield power in an environment
where you once felt so impotent.
What know you of my impotence?
Your words mean nothing.
"Let them speak lewdly of me,
what am I the worse?"
-Sir Thomas More.
-(scoffs)
More like Sir Thomas Snore.
(both laugh)
I'll be going.
Marc, it seems like you're the
only decent one of the bunch.
Wait.
(whispering indistinctly)
(crying softly)
Sir Thomas More
was a damned fool.
(door opens, closes)
What did you say to him?
Just enough.
Again, I am so sorry for all
of the mean things I said
and did to you in high school.
Thanks. It was nice
talking to you, too.
Jerry Weenus accepted
my apology.
Another burned bridge rebuilt--
-And what are you wearing?
-Oh. These?
Well, I figured,
now that we are officially
a bully-free ho ho home,
I am free to be me.
And I can't say
anything about it.
No, you cannot.
You just got to watch me walk.
(chuckles)
Okay, the jeans don't want
to sit. (clears throat)
Announcing entrance.
Sweetie, we are so sorry
about Marlboro.
But don't worry, we are gonna
come up with another plan.
It's okay. I'm going
to apologize to my teacher.
-You are?
-If you could be nice to a jerk
like Dr. Walker for me, I can
be nice to my teacher for you.
It's not his fault
he went to Dartmouth.
(chuckles)
Wow, that is really mature
of you, buddy.
Yeah.
Maybe even like
seventh grade mature.
-Then we'd have two drop-offs.
-Sixth it is.
Hey, jelly bean,
what are you doing?
I'm going to dig
in the backyard.
Oh, y-you planting something?
Sort of. Let's just say
that you won't be seeing
my imaginary friend
around here anymore.
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH