Everything's Gonna Be Okay (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 10 - Discoid Cockroaches - full transcript
GENEVIEVE: I... I think I'm giddy.
I-I've never been giddy before.
Is this what it feels like?
I have a suspicion this is giddy.
- Giddy!
- Yeah, but you're always giddy.
Nah, nah, nah, mate, not like this.
I've never been excited for
something while it's happening.
I need to learn how to ride the subway.
Yeah, where do you wanna go?
I wanna go to Central Park
and eat a hot dog.
I wanna ride the subway to
St. Bartholomew's Church.
Churches give me the heebie-jeebies.
I wanna go there to listen to Amy Beach
to be inspired for my future.
- Who?
- Amy Beach.
Who?
She's was the first
American female composer.
She was an autistic feminist like me.
They think.
MATILDA: Dad used
to play her music for me.
He promised when I got into Juilliard
we could go to St. Bartholomew's Church.
I'm just still a little...
Uh, Amy Beach learned how to,
um, compose there or something.
MATILDA: No.
She was the composer in residence.
I know Dad's dead now,
but I still think I should
be allowed to go.
Yeah, let's do it.
We're coming to get ya,
ghost of Amy Beach.
♪♪
[STEEL DRUMS PLAYING]
NICHOLAS: Can I see that?
Yes. Sam gave it to me.
- Okay.
- GENEVIEVE: Okay.
- [LIQUID SLOSHES]
- [SQUEALS]
NICHOLAS: What is that?
Oh, my God, that's red wine.
It's red wine.
Okay.
Okay.
You're gonna breathe with me.
Let's... take it. One.
Count to ten... two.
No. No, no, no.
Honey, you don't need
to buy a new ticket,
you've got unlimited rides on that one.
No, we have to do it the same.
But in real life you don't
always have to buy a new one.
- NICHOLAS: Yeah.
- It has to be the same.
- GENEVIEVE: Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
- Yep, absolutely.
- GENEVIEVE: Yeah.
See. See, this says all
the stops the train is making.
Yes, I know all that.
But how do we know which stop we're at?
When we pass a stop,
it will be written on
the wall of the station.
I wish I was an autistic boy.
They love trains.
Uh, are you seeing this?
Wait, you're seeing this, too?
Did you think it was a dream?
It is a dream.
Hey, Matilda? Matilda, look up.
I'm not interested.
I feel like I should give them a dollar.
You guys wanna go on a little boat?
Just, like, a little boat.
Like, can we go around in
a little boat, Genevieve,
or are you too much of a tortured soul?
No, no, I'm not,
I would love to go on a little boat.
- Really? Yes?
- GENEVIEVE: Yes! Yes.
A little boat's not gonna help me.
We came for the hot dog,
let's get the hot dog
and finish the task.
[BRAKES SQUEALING]
- Here, take my sunglasses.
- Mm-mmm.
I'll take them.
No, you can't have them.
Fine, fine, take them.
Take them.
I look tiny, don't I?
You look really tiny. Yeah.
[NICHOLAS LAUGHING]
[BRAKES SQUEALING]
[CHURCH BELLS RINGING]
This is it!
♪♪
I need to ride the subway again.
Okay. Uh, where to this time?
Little boat? Little boat?
Is it little boat time?
From the hotel to Central Park
for a hot dog, until here.
Oh. Um, well,
why don't we see something new?
- Yeah.
- I'm not ready to do a different route.
- But...
- I'm not ready.
Okay. Yep.
[HARMONICA MUSIC PLAYING]
[CLARINET MUSIC PLAYING]
Please just wear these. Please.
Good.
Good.
- GENEVIEVE: Made it.
- I'd like to do it again.
- I'd like to do it again, too.
- Again, again, again.
I'm sick of all this sunshine.
Let's get underground.
♪♪
Whoa. Whoa, no.
We're off. Okay.
No, it's free.
It's free. Would you like one?
You can trust me, I'm, like, a nice guy.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
♪♪
- Floss?
- Sure.
[NICHOLAS GIGGLING QUIETLY]
Okay. Yes?
- GENEVIEVE: Yeah.
- NICHOLAS: Okay.
BOTH: Little sister.
Bam. Twist, twist, down.
You really should buy me
my own pair of sunglasses.
- Okay.
- And they should be expensive.
- At least $300.
- Okay.
And you should buy me a pet lizard.
Yeah. When you're right, you're right.
All right, here we go.
Boom, boom.
You, me, boys, look.
Now march. Two, three, four.
- Bow. Hello.
- Bow.
Ta-da!
Yeah, I love it.
Uh, if I were to pop out for like,
an hour tonight,
would you be cool with that?
Pop out?
[CHUCKLES] You wanna
just casually pop out?
Yes. I wanna... I wanna go out.
To get me a present?
I don't wanna make a big deal out of it.
There's just this thing
I wanna do by myself.
It's nothing.
Wow, I know it's not nothing,
because you said it was,
and that's the giveaway from you
that it is, in fact, something.
It's an average thing, so...
Do you have a lover?
Do you have a secret lover?
Did you guys meet on MSN Chat?
No. I have nothing,
and I've never had anything.
You can't just pop out into
Manhattan in the nighttime
because you're a teeny tiny baby.
- I'm sorry.
- I'm mature for my age.
Do you know who doesn't
say things like that?
Adults.
Okay, fine.
You can take me and then
hide when we get there.
- All right. Thrilling.
- Okay?
- Thrilling!
- Great.
See? It's not a big deal.
I don't know anything
about New York theater,
but I can tell you,
this is not gonna be a good show.
It's just some storytelling thing.
- You would hate it.
- WOMAN: Genevieve Moss?
- GENEVIEVE: Mm-hmm.
- Genevieve, that's you.
Great, you're checked in.
You're fifth up.
Okay. Awesome.
- What's "fifth up"?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you're...
performing? Here?
That is... This is...
That is a huge reveal.
It's no big deal.
I just, I wrote a story
and I signed up to read it.
Oh. That explains the hat.
Do you need stage makeup?
Because I can do it. I took a workshop.
Matilda, look at this room.
I don't need stage makeup.
[WHISPERING]: Well, you're not
gonna look very professional.
- Go.
- NICHOLAS: Sorry.
- This is just...
- GENEVIEVE: Kind of a shock?
It's a bit of a shock, yeah,
it's a bit of a shock.
I'll be done in an hour.
- NICHOLAS: Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
Goodbye.
[NICHOLAS CHUCKLING]
[SIGHS]
[APPLAUSE]
MAN: All right, guys, uh,
coming to the stage next
is a first time performer here.
Please give her a warm welcome.
Genevieve Moss.
[APPLAUSE]
[WOMAN LAUGHS]
Wow! New York!
New York City, very cool.
I'm from California.
Agoura Hills, California.
Which is like New York,
if New York was shit.
Uh...
Right, um, so,
my sister Matilda,
she went through this phase
where she couldn't deal with wet.
It's like, she'd run around
the house all furiously
throwing her sippy cup at me, going,
"It's too wet! It's too wet!"
Like, not the cup.
The juice was too wet.
[SCATTERED LAUGHTER]
Sorry,
I forgot to mention
my sister has autism.
She's not just an asshole.
[LAUGHTER]
I just cannot imagine what
she's saying in there.
- Do you know how to wink?
- Of course.
Is she trying to be funny?
Is that what she's doing?
[GASPS] Hope she isn't
telling them about the time
I dreamt I had sex with a girl.
I told her that in confidence.
I can't wink. I'm trying to learn.
All right. Give me a look.
Yeah.
No.
Do you think this is gonna
be a big problem for me?
No, I can't.
I can't imagine it matters.
This trip is only my
second time on an airplane.
We don't not fly
'cause we can't afford it.
We don't fly 'cause we can't.
Last time was not good.
Our problems started
when the flight attendant
refused to let us early board
because she didn't believe
Matilda was disabled.
Which is understandable.
Sometimes it isn't immediately apparent.
But on this day, Matilda was
dressed up in a turkey costume.
[LAUGHTER]
She had... she'd refused to
take off since the school play,
and was only talking in gobbles.
[LAUGHTER]
Matilda doesn't do well with waiting.
Too much stimulus is a problem,
but so is too little.
She starts to unravel.
Everything needs to be just right.
Kinda like Goldilocks.
Was Goldilocks autistic?
[LAUGHTER]
Matilda-locks on the other
hand wouldn't even have eaten
any of the porridges,
unless they were orange.
Um, she was sort of
kind of exclusively eating
orange foods at that time.
You know, like, carrots,
pumpkins, Cheez Doodles.
We-we baked some
baked goods with turmeric,
which was disgusting,
but also helped with inflammation.
[LAUGHTER]
Uh, so...
she starts to unravel.
And then my dad starts to unravel,
but he internalizes it.
So I start to unravel as well.
Hey, I've never been on a plane before.
I've never been level with clouds.
And I wanted to be level with clouds.
Literally the second we take
off Matilda starts yelling,
"Gen, gobble.
"Gen, gobble.
"Gobble, gobble, Gen. Gen, gobble."
[LAUGHTER]
She was trying to,
trying to get me to gobble.
Uh, I so desperately wanted to
seem like I belonged in the sky.
That I, too, was a businessman.
So I ignored her.
She, uh, she didn't let up.
"Genevieve, gobble. Genevieve, gobble.
Gobble, gobble, Genevieve.
Genevieve, gobble!"
And finally I screamed,
"No, Matilda, I will not gobble!"
So here's why this was problematic.
No wasn't really an
option for my sister.
Not because she's stubborn,
which she is,
but because she didn't
understand the concept.
She didn't understand that
the thoughts in other people's heads
were different than
the thoughts in her own.
No pulls at the fabric of her reality.
Because there isn't your
way or my way with autism.
There's just the way.
So, was watching Beverly Hills Chihuahua
really worth ripping the fabric
of my sister's reality apart?
At that moment, in the clouds, yes.
It was.
It was a very glamorous chihuahua.
[LAUGHTER]
So Matilda starts to spiral.
My dad feeds her apricots and oranges.
Maybe altitude and apricots don't mix.
[AUDIENCE GROAN]
Mm-hmm.
Because suddenly
my turkey sister spews
orange out of every orifice.
I mean, it's coming out of every end.
She projectile vomits
a virtual creamsicle
right in my face.
No.
And I don't look good in orange, okay?
I mean, look at my skin and my soul.
More of a black and dark
gray type of person.
Maybe mauve, on a good day.
Oh, my God, okay,
so now we're hurtling
through the atmosphere
in a tiny metal compartment
with Matilda's violently
discharged apricots.
It stank.
- [LAUGHTER]
- Oh.
Wanna rethink that early
board decision now? Huh?
Yeah. See?
This is what happens when
you say no to Matilda.
This is what happens
when I try to create
my own world to explore and enjoy.
She creates a storm of
orange poop and vomit
to put me back in my place.
Then the plane ride here,
ten years later,
was pretty uneventful.
I watched two and a half
disappointing movies,
and ate too much popcorn, and Matilda...
Well, Matilda slept
and listened to music...
and there was calm.
There was quiet.
She's come a long way.
She's going to Juilliard next year.
Juilliard.
The place no one gets into, okay?
She got into!
With... with a freaking video audition.
Right? Yeah. Juilliard.
[APPLAUSE]
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow.
And, uh, and I'm...
Well, I'm... Well...
We'll see.
Um, thank you.
[APPLAUSE]
- Do you wanna hear a joke?
- NICHOLAS: Yeah.
I wanna hear a joke.
Who threw that?
[LAUGHTER]
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Hello.
Okay, so, like, Matilda
moving away is sad, right?
- ALEX: Right.
- It is sad.
Like, we love her and we will miss her.
Yeah, of course.
But also we're gonna
get to be young again.
Do you remember when I was young?
Oh, okay, like, you never knew me young,
but, oh, boy, was I young.
I'm not going to let you
trick me into admitting that,
obviously I'm a little thrilled
that when Matilda's gone,
we'll get to... leave the house.
How am I gonna fill my days?
Maybe one day we get to talk about me.
Oh, I can't wait to ask you a question.
Oh, I don't have a problem with that.
Okay.
Now let's never mention this again.
But it is very sad.
We love her. We will miss her.
♪♪
GENEVIEVE: We'll be waiting
for you at the end.
All right, you got this.
You know how to do this.
Here she goes.
[SAXOPHONE MUSIC PLAYING]
All right.
Are they tears?
It doesn't mean anything, let it go.
I cannot watch another
Cropsey-inspired theater piece
with excrement and blood.
Whatever happened
to the proscenium arch,
where actors walk in,
sit down across the stage
and say something funny?
I just wish you hadn't
told me you're ovulating.
Now I think you're gonna
trick some sperm out of me.
[LOUD CRUNCHING]
[LAUGHTER]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
Sweetheart, this one's on me.
Did I tell you that my new
nanny flirts with my husband?
He comes home and she goes
from flatlining in her job,
to giggling like a school girl.
She eats and she giggles,
now my kids are looking at me,
like, who is this bitch?
And she doesn't clean.
I had to show her
how to clean the stove.
I mean, evidence all on
the dish cloth for her.
And there's dust in my air vent.
All the way up in my vent.
Clean that vent.
Climb up your ass up that vent
and clean that hole,
that's what I'm paying you for.
- [HORN HONKING]
- [SIREN WAILS]
[COOING]
Oh, it's good, babe.
Oh, yeah, that is good stuff.
- Matilda!
- [GASPS]
- You did it!
- GENEVIEVE: You made it!
NICHOLAS: You're a commuter!
No.
I tried my best, but I can't.
I just can't.
But you did. Like, you did.
Did something happen?
No? Okay. Well...
Let's try it all again.
We'll just do it again together.
- I can't.
- You're just gonna
get better and better at it.
I'm never gonna be
able to do this alone!
Do you wanna go home?
Okay.
Yeah.
We're going back home.
Oh, honey.
What are you talking about?
Of course we didn't make a phone call
on the hotel phone.
We didn't time travel here from 1998.
What would I be doing calling...
Calling where?
- Texas.
- NICHOLAS: Texas?
Look at me. I'm not...
I'm not calling Texas.
Sorry, I'm not blaming you.
It's just that you're the
one standing in front of me
not solving the problem.
- I could go talk to a manager.
- Yes.
Please. Thank you.
Nicholas, I have something to tell you.
- Please don't be mad.
- What?
I called Texas.
- You called Texas?
- I called Texas.
- Why are you calling Texas?
- Why are you calling Texas?
Drea's visiting her grandparents.
Do not tell anyone about this ever.
Okay, I'll do that for you
because I love you.
Thank you.
I-I've never been giddy before.
Is this what it feels like?
I have a suspicion this is giddy.
- Giddy!
- Yeah, but you're always giddy.
Nah, nah, nah, mate, not like this.
I've never been excited for
something while it's happening.
I need to learn how to ride the subway.
Yeah, where do you wanna go?
I wanna go to Central Park
and eat a hot dog.
I wanna ride the subway to
St. Bartholomew's Church.
Churches give me the heebie-jeebies.
I wanna go there to listen to Amy Beach
to be inspired for my future.
- Who?
- Amy Beach.
Who?
She's was the first
American female composer.
She was an autistic feminist like me.
They think.
MATILDA: Dad used
to play her music for me.
He promised when I got into Juilliard
we could go to St. Bartholomew's Church.
I'm just still a little...
Uh, Amy Beach learned how to,
um, compose there or something.
MATILDA: No.
She was the composer in residence.
I know Dad's dead now,
but I still think I should
be allowed to go.
Yeah, let's do it.
We're coming to get ya,
ghost of Amy Beach.
♪♪
[STEEL DRUMS PLAYING]
NICHOLAS: Can I see that?
Yes. Sam gave it to me.
- Okay.
- GENEVIEVE: Okay.
- [LIQUID SLOSHES]
- [SQUEALS]
NICHOLAS: What is that?
Oh, my God, that's red wine.
It's red wine.
Okay.
Okay.
You're gonna breathe with me.
Let's... take it. One.
Count to ten... two.
No. No, no, no.
Honey, you don't need
to buy a new ticket,
you've got unlimited rides on that one.
No, we have to do it the same.
But in real life you don't
always have to buy a new one.
- NICHOLAS: Yeah.
- It has to be the same.
- GENEVIEVE: Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
- Yep, absolutely.
- GENEVIEVE: Yeah.
See. See, this says all
the stops the train is making.
Yes, I know all that.
But how do we know which stop we're at?
When we pass a stop,
it will be written on
the wall of the station.
I wish I was an autistic boy.
They love trains.
Uh, are you seeing this?
Wait, you're seeing this, too?
Did you think it was a dream?
It is a dream.
Hey, Matilda? Matilda, look up.
I'm not interested.
I feel like I should give them a dollar.
You guys wanna go on a little boat?
Just, like, a little boat.
Like, can we go around in
a little boat, Genevieve,
or are you too much of a tortured soul?
No, no, I'm not,
I would love to go on a little boat.
- Really? Yes?
- GENEVIEVE: Yes! Yes.
A little boat's not gonna help me.
We came for the hot dog,
let's get the hot dog
and finish the task.
[BRAKES SQUEALING]
- Here, take my sunglasses.
- Mm-mmm.
I'll take them.
No, you can't have them.
Fine, fine, take them.
Take them.
I look tiny, don't I?
You look really tiny. Yeah.
[NICHOLAS LAUGHING]
[BRAKES SQUEALING]
[CHURCH BELLS RINGING]
This is it!
♪♪
I need to ride the subway again.
Okay. Uh, where to this time?
Little boat? Little boat?
Is it little boat time?
From the hotel to Central Park
for a hot dog, until here.
Oh. Um, well,
why don't we see something new?
- Yeah.
- I'm not ready to do a different route.
- But...
- I'm not ready.
Okay. Yep.
[HARMONICA MUSIC PLAYING]
[CLARINET MUSIC PLAYING]
Please just wear these. Please.
Good.
Good.
- GENEVIEVE: Made it.
- I'd like to do it again.
- I'd like to do it again, too.
- Again, again, again.
I'm sick of all this sunshine.
Let's get underground.
♪♪
Whoa. Whoa, no.
We're off. Okay.
No, it's free.
It's free. Would you like one?
You can trust me, I'm, like, a nice guy.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
♪♪
- Floss?
- Sure.
[NICHOLAS GIGGLING QUIETLY]
Okay. Yes?
- GENEVIEVE: Yeah.
- NICHOLAS: Okay.
BOTH: Little sister.
Bam. Twist, twist, down.
You really should buy me
my own pair of sunglasses.
- Okay.
- And they should be expensive.
- At least $300.
- Okay.
And you should buy me a pet lizard.
Yeah. When you're right, you're right.
All right, here we go.
Boom, boom.
You, me, boys, look.
Now march. Two, three, four.
- Bow. Hello.
- Bow.
Ta-da!
Yeah, I love it.
Uh, if I were to pop out for like,
an hour tonight,
would you be cool with that?
Pop out?
[CHUCKLES] You wanna
just casually pop out?
Yes. I wanna... I wanna go out.
To get me a present?
I don't wanna make a big deal out of it.
There's just this thing
I wanna do by myself.
It's nothing.
Wow, I know it's not nothing,
because you said it was,
and that's the giveaway from you
that it is, in fact, something.
It's an average thing, so...
Do you have a lover?
Do you have a secret lover?
Did you guys meet on MSN Chat?
No. I have nothing,
and I've never had anything.
You can't just pop out into
Manhattan in the nighttime
because you're a teeny tiny baby.
- I'm sorry.
- I'm mature for my age.
Do you know who doesn't
say things like that?
Adults.
Okay, fine.
You can take me and then
hide when we get there.
- All right. Thrilling.
- Okay?
- Thrilling!
- Great.
See? It's not a big deal.
I don't know anything
about New York theater,
but I can tell you,
this is not gonna be a good show.
It's just some storytelling thing.
- You would hate it.
- WOMAN: Genevieve Moss?
- GENEVIEVE: Mm-hmm.
- Genevieve, that's you.
Great, you're checked in.
You're fifth up.
Okay. Awesome.
- What's "fifth up"?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you're...
performing? Here?
That is... This is...
That is a huge reveal.
It's no big deal.
I just, I wrote a story
and I signed up to read it.
Oh. That explains the hat.
Do you need stage makeup?
Because I can do it. I took a workshop.
Matilda, look at this room.
I don't need stage makeup.
[WHISPERING]: Well, you're not
gonna look very professional.
- Go.
- NICHOLAS: Sorry.
- This is just...
- GENEVIEVE: Kind of a shock?
It's a bit of a shock, yeah,
it's a bit of a shock.
I'll be done in an hour.
- NICHOLAS: Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
Goodbye.
[NICHOLAS CHUCKLING]
[SIGHS]
[APPLAUSE]
MAN: All right, guys, uh,
coming to the stage next
is a first time performer here.
Please give her a warm welcome.
Genevieve Moss.
[APPLAUSE]
[WOMAN LAUGHS]
Wow! New York!
New York City, very cool.
I'm from California.
Agoura Hills, California.
Which is like New York,
if New York was shit.
Uh...
Right, um, so,
my sister Matilda,
she went through this phase
where she couldn't deal with wet.
It's like, she'd run around
the house all furiously
throwing her sippy cup at me, going,
"It's too wet! It's too wet!"
Like, not the cup.
The juice was too wet.
[SCATTERED LAUGHTER]
Sorry,
I forgot to mention
my sister has autism.
She's not just an asshole.
[LAUGHTER]
I just cannot imagine what
she's saying in there.
- Do you know how to wink?
- Of course.
Is she trying to be funny?
Is that what she's doing?
[GASPS] Hope she isn't
telling them about the time
I dreamt I had sex with a girl.
I told her that in confidence.
I can't wink. I'm trying to learn.
All right. Give me a look.
Yeah.
No.
Do you think this is gonna
be a big problem for me?
No, I can't.
I can't imagine it matters.
This trip is only my
second time on an airplane.
We don't not fly
'cause we can't afford it.
We don't fly 'cause we can't.
Last time was not good.
Our problems started
when the flight attendant
refused to let us early board
because she didn't believe
Matilda was disabled.
Which is understandable.
Sometimes it isn't immediately apparent.
But on this day, Matilda was
dressed up in a turkey costume.
[LAUGHTER]
She had... she'd refused to
take off since the school play,
and was only talking in gobbles.
[LAUGHTER]
Matilda doesn't do well with waiting.
Too much stimulus is a problem,
but so is too little.
She starts to unravel.
Everything needs to be just right.
Kinda like Goldilocks.
Was Goldilocks autistic?
[LAUGHTER]
Matilda-locks on the other
hand wouldn't even have eaten
any of the porridges,
unless they were orange.
Um, she was sort of
kind of exclusively eating
orange foods at that time.
You know, like, carrots,
pumpkins, Cheez Doodles.
We-we baked some
baked goods with turmeric,
which was disgusting,
but also helped with inflammation.
[LAUGHTER]
Uh, so...
she starts to unravel.
And then my dad starts to unravel,
but he internalizes it.
So I start to unravel as well.
Hey, I've never been on a plane before.
I've never been level with clouds.
And I wanted to be level with clouds.
Literally the second we take
off Matilda starts yelling,
"Gen, gobble.
"Gen, gobble.
"Gobble, gobble, Gen. Gen, gobble."
[LAUGHTER]
She was trying to,
trying to get me to gobble.
Uh, I so desperately wanted to
seem like I belonged in the sky.
That I, too, was a businessman.
So I ignored her.
She, uh, she didn't let up.
"Genevieve, gobble. Genevieve, gobble.
Gobble, gobble, Genevieve.
Genevieve, gobble!"
And finally I screamed,
"No, Matilda, I will not gobble!"
So here's why this was problematic.
No wasn't really an
option for my sister.
Not because she's stubborn,
which she is,
but because she didn't
understand the concept.
She didn't understand that
the thoughts in other people's heads
were different than
the thoughts in her own.
No pulls at the fabric of her reality.
Because there isn't your
way or my way with autism.
There's just the way.
So, was watching Beverly Hills Chihuahua
really worth ripping the fabric
of my sister's reality apart?
At that moment, in the clouds, yes.
It was.
It was a very glamorous chihuahua.
[LAUGHTER]
So Matilda starts to spiral.
My dad feeds her apricots and oranges.
Maybe altitude and apricots don't mix.
[AUDIENCE GROAN]
Mm-hmm.
Because suddenly
my turkey sister spews
orange out of every orifice.
I mean, it's coming out of every end.
She projectile vomits
a virtual creamsicle
right in my face.
No.
And I don't look good in orange, okay?
I mean, look at my skin and my soul.
More of a black and dark
gray type of person.
Maybe mauve, on a good day.
Oh, my God, okay,
so now we're hurtling
through the atmosphere
in a tiny metal compartment
with Matilda's violently
discharged apricots.
It stank.
- [LAUGHTER]
- Oh.
Wanna rethink that early
board decision now? Huh?
Yeah. See?
This is what happens when
you say no to Matilda.
This is what happens
when I try to create
my own world to explore and enjoy.
She creates a storm of
orange poop and vomit
to put me back in my place.
Then the plane ride here,
ten years later,
was pretty uneventful.
I watched two and a half
disappointing movies,
and ate too much popcorn, and Matilda...
Well, Matilda slept
and listened to music...
and there was calm.
There was quiet.
She's come a long way.
She's going to Juilliard next year.
Juilliard.
The place no one gets into, okay?
She got into!
With... with a freaking video audition.
Right? Yeah. Juilliard.
[APPLAUSE]
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow.
And, uh, and I'm...
Well, I'm... Well...
We'll see.
Um, thank you.
[APPLAUSE]
- Do you wanna hear a joke?
- NICHOLAS: Yeah.
I wanna hear a joke.
Who threw that?
[LAUGHTER]
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Hello.
Okay, so, like, Matilda
moving away is sad, right?
- ALEX: Right.
- It is sad.
Like, we love her and we will miss her.
Yeah, of course.
But also we're gonna
get to be young again.
Do you remember when I was young?
Oh, okay, like, you never knew me young,
but, oh, boy, was I young.
I'm not going to let you
trick me into admitting that,
obviously I'm a little thrilled
that when Matilda's gone,
we'll get to... leave the house.
How am I gonna fill my days?
Maybe one day we get to talk about me.
Oh, I can't wait to ask you a question.
Oh, I don't have a problem with that.
Okay.
Now let's never mention this again.
But it is very sad.
We love her. We will miss her.
♪♪
GENEVIEVE: We'll be waiting
for you at the end.
All right, you got this.
You know how to do this.
Here she goes.
[SAXOPHONE MUSIC PLAYING]
All right.
Are they tears?
It doesn't mean anything, let it go.
I cannot watch another
Cropsey-inspired theater piece
with excrement and blood.
Whatever happened
to the proscenium arch,
where actors walk in,
sit down across the stage
and say something funny?
I just wish you hadn't
told me you're ovulating.
Now I think you're gonna
trick some sperm out of me.
[LOUD CRUNCHING]
[LAUGHTER]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
Sweetheart, this one's on me.
Did I tell you that my new
nanny flirts with my husband?
He comes home and she goes
from flatlining in her job,
to giggling like a school girl.
She eats and she giggles,
now my kids are looking at me,
like, who is this bitch?
And she doesn't clean.
I had to show her
how to clean the stove.
I mean, evidence all on
the dish cloth for her.
And there's dust in my air vent.
All the way up in my vent.
Clean that vent.
Climb up your ass up that vent
and clean that hole,
that's what I'm paying you for.
- [HORN HONKING]
- [SIREN WAILS]
[COOING]
Oh, it's good, babe.
Oh, yeah, that is good stuff.
- Matilda!
- [GASPS]
- You did it!
- GENEVIEVE: You made it!
NICHOLAS: You're a commuter!
No.
I tried my best, but I can't.
I just can't.
But you did. Like, you did.
Did something happen?
No? Okay. Well...
Let's try it all again.
We'll just do it again together.
- I can't.
- You're just gonna
get better and better at it.
I'm never gonna be
able to do this alone!
Do you wanna go home?
Okay.
Yeah.
We're going back home.
Oh, honey.
What are you talking about?
Of course we didn't make a phone call
on the hotel phone.
We didn't time travel here from 1998.
What would I be doing calling...
Calling where?
- Texas.
- NICHOLAS: Texas?
Look at me. I'm not...
I'm not calling Texas.
Sorry, I'm not blaming you.
It's just that you're the
one standing in front of me
not solving the problem.
- I could go talk to a manager.
- Yes.
Please. Thank you.
Nicholas, I have something to tell you.
- Please don't be mad.
- What?
I called Texas.
- You called Texas?
- I called Texas.
- Why are you calling Texas?
- Why are you calling Texas?
Drea's visiting her grandparents.
Do not tell anyone about this ever.
Okay, I'll do that for you
because I love you.
Thank you.